sometimes i wish we still talked

Send me an emoji!

💌: I’d love to send you more messages and asks but you make me nervous!

😊: You’re sweet. You’ve made me smile before.

🙏: I’m a little afraid that you’ll unfollow me.

🔪: I’d hate to get on your bad side.

😶: I’m honored that you’re even following me tbH.

👾: Your theme is awesome!

🌄: GO TO BED.

💉: Talking to you or seeing you on my dash makes me feel better.

😐: I don’t understand half the things you reblog but I support you anyway.

🌑: You come off as cold, impersonal.

👒: You come off as very friendly!

🌃: I’d like to spend more time talking to you.

🎭: You sure do get into a lot of drama…

😄: I can always count on you to like/reply to my personal posts.

🍥: Your aesthetic is very streamlined. It’s clear you’re picky about the stuff you reblog.

🍬: You’re sweet, but I feel like I know very little about you as a person.

🐟: Your blog isn’t quite my “type.”

😅: I often worry about upsetting you or scaring you off.

😇: Every single interaction we’ve had so far has been positive.

🐱: You’re cute‼︎

🌱: I’d love to get to know you better.

☔️: You seem unhappy.

😃: I love seeing you in my notifications!

🐸: You act goofy.

💻: Are you ever not online?

❄️: Your BYF struck me as kind of harsh, but I followed you anyway.

😆: You’ve made me laugh out loud before.

💔: You’ve disappointed me before.

📺: We have similar interests!

🔈: We have similar tastes in music.

🌊: You have a lot of personality.

😀: I would consider us friends.

🎀: We have similar aesthetics!

🍳: This is an egg in a frying pan!

🎉: I get really happy when I see positive personal posts from you, even when I don’t fully understand the context!

😈: I know your secret~

🌴: I’m jealous of you.

: Could you, like, chill a little bit maybe? Like in general? Please?

🎶: I associate you with a specific song or musician.

👟: I feel as though you’re out of my league.

🐚: I find your blog very calming.

👀: I’ve vagued about you before.

🍰: I might recognize you if I ran into you on the street.

😂: I’m comfortable around you.

🌈: Sometimes I see your selfies and think to myself: “I’m gay.”

🌹: I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you.

😓: I’ve talked to you before and it made me a little nervous!

👑: You’re vain.

📝: I know a lot about you just from following you on Tumblr.

🌙: You’re beautiful.

🍓: You remind me of someone…

😒: I honestly don’t know why I’m even still following you at this point.

😳: I’ve learned things about you that have surprised me a lot!

🐭: Please be kinder to yourself.

😑: -__-

👔: I think you’re someone who takes themself very seriously.

🍉: I wish we lived closer to each other.

🍭: You confuse me.

😮: I wish I could give you some advice.

💐: I have a crush on you.

😁: You’re a little awkward, but I find it endearing.

💕: I love you‼︎

👍: I like you. Just, in general. I think you’re a genuinely good person.

Hey I know we don’t talk anymore but I hope
you’re okay.


I know I left but there are days where I miss your presence, there are days where I wish I could just
message you and talk like we used to. There are
days where I spend my entire night thinking and
worrying about you. I wonder if you miss me too
or if you pause for a second in your day and think
about me. Do I ever cross your mind… and even if
I did it doesn’t even matter because we don’t talk anymore, maybe that really gets to me sometimes
because I wish we still did. The thing is I’m okay
without you, you are no longer an important part
of my life. I’m okay and I don’t shed a tear over
you, but there’s a part of me deep down that still
cares and that part brings me to my knees. I wish
things didn’t have to be this way, but I guess you
just have to let go of the things that are weighing
you down and bringing unnecessary stress in your
life. I pray for you, I pray that you’re okay as it’s the
only thing that’ll truly help, and maybe one day our
paths will cross again. Until then goodbye stranger
with some memories.

—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #23
Jenseternity / instagram
My writing

Disclaimer: Works marked with * are rated explicit for sexually explicit content and/or other adult themes. Works marked with <> feature a non-gender specific character. The works are in order from oldest to newest under each category.

Series 
Illuminate 
I. No Promises* - He needs her more than anything else, he needs to be close, to be touched and held. He needs nails grazing his skin and teeth dragging along his shoulder. Because he feels a little less like a machine, and a little more like a person when he’s with her. All despite her tenacious attempts to keep him distant from her. 

II. Patience Like This* - “I care about you. More than I want to. And that scares me. It scares me so much that I sometimes wish we’d never met. I hate that you make me feel this way. You kind of drive me nuts. But somehow I still want you. You mess me up so bad and I still want you.”

Atlas: Senses  
I. Touch* - “I wanted to stay. I wanted to fight for us, but you wouldn’t let me. You just left and took the easy way out.” 

We Talked of Forever
I. After Midnight - “You’re my best friend.”

II. 11 am* - “I’ll always be your best friend. No matter what.”

Oneshots
Next to Our Brand New Bed* - “Can I have a taste?”

Requests 
I’ll Never Be Your Mother’s Favourite - Shawn meets her parents for the first time and things don’t really go to plan. 

Fortunes - “Shawn. Say something. Please.” 

There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back* <> - “Baby, I’ve missed you, I’ve been gone for ages, and I need you so bad.” 

Where My Demons Hide <> - “I’m not leaving you like this. Please. Is there anything I can do?” 

A Little Help* <> - “How long have you been standing there?” 

Pickering* <> - Shawn hands me the phone when he’s done uploading the picture and I look at the image, the caption underneath it saying, “Us and our son.” 

Care for You - “I’ll give you a massage.”

Blurbs/bulletpoints/other 

I know we’re not in each other’s lives anymore but sometimes I wish we could just spend a day together and have everything be like it was.
Is such a thing possible? To spend a single day in each other’s company again, laughing and kissing and talking about everything and nothing.
Would it really be so terrible to meet somewhere and have lunch together and pretend it’s the past… that we’re back in time and you’re still the one person I can rely on when the whole world is against me?
If I asked you, could you do it… pretend that you still care for all times sake? It’s foolish I know, which is why I’ll never ask, but the truth is life’s not been easy since you left and I’d do just about anything right now to be able to pretend just for one day that I’m happy again; That everything’s okay - that everything will be okay - because that’s how you always made me feel even on the worst days imaginable.
But that was the past and I know I live in the here and now and I need to face reality – but the reality is that the day you walked out of my life I lost the greatest thing I ever had… and it’s been nothing but losses ever since.
You’re worth it

Hope you enjoy this even though it’s a quite serious issue. Always remember that you are beautiful and that your worth everything. Life can be cruel sometimes but wherever it’s dark there is also light. You’re loved! xoxo 

(Picture is not mine!)

Warnings: Cutting



With a huge smile on my face and my heart skipping beats between my chest, I closed the door to my house behind me and slowly made my way to my boyfriend’s place. Even though I just saw him a couple of hours ago, I couldn’t wait to see him again. Every second I spent without him was wasting precious time and I definitely couldn’t allow it. Whenever we were apart, I had the urge to haste to him and just be with him, in his arms. I missed him always, no matter if he had seen him hours or even minutes ago. He meant so much to me, I could not even imagine a complete life without him.

While walking, I went through different ideas in my head about how we could pass some time. There were occasions were Marcel and I just watched romantic comedies, because they were his favorite, all cuddled up against each other or we took a walk outside, talking about different stuff. Sometimes, we sat there and did not talk to each other, being wrapped in each other’s arms, just enjoying the silence that surrounded us. As long as I was with Marcel, I was the happiest girl in the world and nothing would ever change this.

When I finally arrived at Marcel’s, I knocked on the door gently. However, after waiting for a few minutes, nobody had still opened the door for me so I took out a spare key that Marcel gave me to his house so I had always access to it whenever I wished to be there. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, being greeted by nothing but silence.

“Marcel?” I called after him.

I was wondering if nobody was at home but according to Marcel’s shoes placed besides the entry I assumed he had to have been present.

“Marcel, baby, are you at home?”

As I got no response, I walked towards the stairs to check up if he was upstairs in his room. Maybe he had been in the shower, that’s why he hadn’t noticed my presence yet. With hasty steps, I walked up the stairs and headed to his room. I wanted to push down the handle as suddenly I perceived sobbing sounds on the other side. With worry immediately consuming me, I pushed the door open only to be confronted with the most horrific image that I had seen in my entire life. My heart wrenched immediately in my chest and I felt a stinging pain that could have been compared to what you would feel when you would have been stabbed by thousand knives.

Right in the corner of the room, Marcel was placed in a seated position on the ground. In one hand, he held a sharp razor while his other wrist was injured. Blood dripped from his wound and soaked his pants with the red liquid. His eyes were blood-shot and he cried uncontrollably, more and more tears slid along his rosy cheeks. I ran towards him and let myself fall to the ground right in front of him.

“Marcel, what have you done?!” I squealed in disbelief. I knocked the razor out of his hand which landed a few meters away from us. Taking his hands in mine, I started to examine the wound he had created. He had damaged his soft skin.

“Marcel, what is this? Why have you done this?” He kept his head tilted down in shame, refusing to look at me in the eyes. To my dismay, I found out that it wasn’t the first time he had cut himself. I discovered a few more scars along his wrist, some of them were even fresh and new, probably being cut a not long time ago. Realization hit me like a heavy brick and I had realized that my boyfriend cut himself behind my back and I was foolish not to recognize it. How could I oversee a serious issue like this? What kind of girlfriend had I been?

I fought against the urge to cry and scream because I knew I had to be strong for him. Whatever reason had leaded him to the choice of harming himself, I would find it out but now he needed my comfort and support.

I instantly rushed to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kid. Taking the utensils I needed, I went back to Marcel and started to treat his wound. Luckily, the cut wasn’t too deep as I could tell and it would heal very soon.

I took wadding pad and soaked it with a disinfectant. “This may sting a little.” I told him, dabbing it carefully along his wound. He hissed slightly to the contact. After I cleaned the injury, I wrapped a bandage afterwards so it would heal properly.

Marcel had not calmed down yet, still crying whatever made him cry.

“Baby, what’s going on?” I croaked, pulling him into my arms. He wrapped his own weakly around my body and nestled his face in the crook of my neck, his tears covering my skin. I wondered what had made him so upset, so desperate that he felt like he had to punish himself with cutting his wrist. I gave him time as much as he needed to relax, stroking his hair gently and humming his favorite song in his ear.

“Marcel, tell me what happened. Tell me what had made you so upset.”

“I don’t deserve you, (Y/N).” He croaked. “I don’t deserve you. I’m worthless. I still have no idea why you’re with me. I’m a nerd. Pathetic and worthless. Why are you doing this to yourself? I’m ruining your image.”

My mouth went wide open as the harsh words escaped his lips. I felt another sting in my heart but this time it hurt so much more than the time before that.

“What are you talking about, Marcel?”

“You know I ruin your reputation and yet you’re with me. Why (Y/N)? Is it because of pity? Do you pity me?”

Whoever planted such bullshit into his head, was going to pay for it. Somebody has messed up his brain so badly, that Marcel started to doubt my feelings for him.

“You know that’s not true, Marcel. None of this is true, baby. Why are you talking like this?”

“Because I’m a pathetic little shit who thinks somebody like you could ever love me.” He started to cry again. I felt absolutely helpless, out of words. Marcel had been upset before but never had it been this bad about our relationship.

“I do love you, Marcel. Gosh, I love you so so much. You’re the best that has happened in my life and I’m not going to stop loving you. I can’t live without you… Please believe me…”

“Worthless… pathetic…” He whimpered. “I cannot offer you anything, (Y/N). Nothing. Look at me. Look at the nerd. You should break up with me. You’re better without me…”

“What the fuck?! No! I’m not leaving you, Marcel. For god’s sake, tell me what happened!”

“Jason happened, okay?!” He screamed, making my body flinch in shock. As he realized that he scared me off, he shared an apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”

“What did Jason tell you?” I asked him. Actually, he didn’t have to answer because I knew exactly what Jason did to him. That prick was supposed to be my boyfriend a long time ago but also was known as the bully at our grade. He mostly wasted his time humiliating people in front of others but the only person who suffered a lot under his attacks was unfortunately Marcel.

Yes, Marcel was different that the others. He was labeled as the nerd in school but I didn’t care. I actually found him cute since the moment I saw him. The way he looked didn’t bother me at all, I knew Marcel was a good person from the inside. His nerdy and funny demeanor drew me to him and I slowly noticed myself falling for him. Marcel was special, he was unique in his own way and I appreciated that he wasn’t like every other student in our school.

Besides, nobody knew Marcel because they never gave him a chance to prove himself. Nobody except for me knew the gentle soul that had been hiding behind those large glasses.

“I know you don’t want to talk about this but whatever Jason had told you baby, don’t believe him He can be manipulative, you know that. I love you, really love you. With all my heart.”

I kissed his forehead gently and felt Marcel’s stiffened body calming down from his outburst. With my thumps, I wiped away every tear that made its way out of his mesmerizing green eyes that I learned to love and adore.

“Don’t cry baby.” I tried to comfort him. “I’m gonna prepare a nice bath for you, what do think about that, hmm?” I stood up and stretched my arm out from him to grab it. “Sounds nice to you?”

He answered by nodding his head, sniffling and after I ordered him to take off his clothes carefully because I didn’t want him to hurt himself, I went back to the bathroom and prepared a nice and hot bath for my frustrated and poor boyfriend. I threw a pink bath bomb which was Marcel’s favorite and after everything was done, he was allowed to enter the bath tub. Gently and carefully, I helped him to sit down. He leaned back, closing his eyes, while I took a place at the edge of the tub.

I let my fingers slid between his, intertwining our hands. While Marcel let himself drown in relaxation, I took my time to observe his side profile adoringly. If anyone would be sitting right next to me, would have witnessed the huge amount of love that I shared for him in my eyes. I was very open about my feelings for him and never failed to show them. Affectionate kisses in front of others, gently brushing my hand against his, clinging onto his body like he was the only important resource for my existence, I did all of them and I wasn’t ashamed.  He was so endlessly pure and beautiful, angel-like even, and he didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was being treated. If anyone deserved the entire universe, it was definitely Marcel.

My fingers traced the outline of his sharp jaw line tenderly, sensing the muscles tensing under my touch. He leant into my sweet gesture. “Beautiful.” I whispered. Taking his injured hand, I placed kisses on each of his knuckles.

“You’re beautiful to me, Marcel. No matter what others think about you, it won’t stop me from loving you. You’re not worthless, how can you even think that? You are important to me and to your family. You don’t have to be popular or have a reputation to be loved. You’re amazing just the way you are, my love, and I never want you to forget this. You’re worth it, you’re worth my love and the effort that I put into our relationship.”

Again, a tear slid along his face. “You made me the happiest girl alive and I’m so grateful to call you mine, Marcel. You make me feel nothing but special like nobody has. I can’t just give someone like you up so easily. I would die if I lost you. My heart couldn’t handle a separation because you have it. You own my heart. Every single part of you owns my heart, Marcel. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He responded, his voice shaking slightly.

“I don’t want you to cut yourself ever again, you hear me? You won’t harm your body over a thing like this. You have to promise me Marcel. You’re not only hurting yourself but also me.”

“I will try, promise.” He mumbled.

“I’m here for your, baby. Anytime.” I leaned forward to catch his lips with mine. I kissed him hard and passionate, putting all my emotions into that one single kiss. After we pulled away for air, I decided to wash his body and saw that worry and doubt was drifting off of him.

When the water started to turn cool, I let him get out and helped him getting dressed into a sweatshirt and sweatpants.

“Cuddle with me?” He asked innocently and I could do nothing but to agree to it.

There we laid, in each other’s arms, safe and secure, letting nothing but joy and laughter getting in between us. Jason would pay for what he did, for messing up with Marcel and he was going to pay hard for it. I was going to make sure that he never took a chance to attack him. If someone was very protective over him, then it was me.

“Thank you, (Y/N).” Marcel mumbled against my neck. His breath on my skin caused goose bumps on my entire body. “Thank you so much. I love you.”

“I love you, too, handsome. So much. Remember, you’re worth everything.”

“Will do.” He murmured back.

And started to drift off to sleep…

Sometimes I just lay in bed and wonder; do you ever miss me? Do you ever miss us? We still talk every day, but it hasn’t been the same since you “called it off.” And do you ever wonder if you made the wrong choice? You don’t tell me these things anymore, and it kills me. It kills me because I’m sitting here alone, wishing for you to be here, and you’re sitting at home, alone, and happy; happy without me. But like I said, I just wanted you to be happy, even if it meant I couldn’t be your happiness anymore. So I continue to sit at home all alone, wondering, hoping, praying for a change. But some things you just can’t change. You can’t force someone to do something, you can’t force them to make up their mind. You can only hope one day they will; and hope it will be you.
—  “but I never planned on you changing your mind // 6.15.17”
- still hopeless wondering // 9:48am ; 7.20.17

anonymous asked:

Andreil + "I'm so in love him, I don't know what to do"

Here you go! This turned into more of a conversation about Andreil than actual Andreil, but I hope it’s still okay!

Even though he knew there was nothing stopping him now- no secrets, no need to be alert for hasty escapes- Neil still seldom got drunk. He wasn’t a fan of the taste and the drinks that managed to mask the alcohol were all sickly sweet, which made him more ill than the hangover the next day.

However, as a college student, and specifically a member of the Foxes, it was very hard to avoid drinking altogether and he was known to partake when the mood struck him. This week in particular had been rough and Neil was looking forward to relaxing for the weekend. They had a bye week and Neil would normally have spent the extra time in Columbia, except Andrew was having one of his bad weeks. Neil checked in every day, but it was clear that he wanted space and Neil wasn’t going to push it.

So when Matt offered him a few beers, he wasn’t going to say no. Despite his size and relative inexperience, Neil wasn’t a lightweight, so he didn’t feel intoxicated, just relaxed and a bit more sociable. So when Matt asked, “How are things with Andrew?”, Neil felt compelled to give him more than just an, “It’s fine,” as an answer.

“It’s…things are good.” Nailed it.

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Something you want to talk about?”

Neil looked down at his hands. “I just wish I could help him more. I know it’s not personal-but sometimes…he just goes somewhere I can’t follow and I don’t know how to pull him back. And I’m just worried that one of these days it’s not going to be enough. I’m not going to be enough.”

Despite Neil’s worries that he wasn’t making sense, Matt nodded slowly. “When we first got together, Dan didn’t talk when things bothered her either. She always wanted to seem so strong. Eventually, I just had to trust that she would open up when she’s ready. I still don’t know a lot of specifics about what she went through in high school. But we’ve got the rest of our lives. All I can do is love her.”

Neil sat quietly, taking a minute to process all of that. Finally, he admitted, “I’m so in love with him and I don’t know what to do with that.”

Matt smiled, but didn’t comment directly on the confession. Instead, he said, “Look. I know it’s hard for you to see, but he’s so different with you. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“I don’t think I can tell him how I feel.”

Matt shrugged. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

“Listen, man. I’ve had people tell me they loved me that didn’t and people that do who have never said it. Loving someone quietly doesn’t make it any less.”

After that, they dropped the serious talk and turned back to Matt teaching Neil how to play the latest video game he bought.

That night, Neil returned to his room and found Andrew sitting in one of the beanbag chairs. Sleep hadn’t come easily to him the last few days. Neil dropped next to him in the other chair and after a moment of silence, turned his hand palm up toward Andrew, being careful not to touch him.

“Whenever you’re ready- I’m here.”

Neil left it at that and settled into the beanbag. Right before he drifted to sleep, he felt Andrew’s fingers twine through his and squeeze.

The wolf and the hound

Pairing: fem. Stark reader x Sandor Clegane

Warning: FLUFF & SMUT

Hi guys! The first version of this story wasn’t saved and my other version somehow wasn’t uploaded by tumblr…  I’m unsatisfied with this new version but I still hope you enjoy it. Have fun!

Accompanying your half-brother Jon to King’s Landing wasn’t something you really wanted to do. But after the meeting with Cersei, you all saild back again, and all of you were kind of satisfied. Cersei promised your half-brother and queen Daenerys to fight with them against the white-walkers, and this was a big success for everyone of you. And on your trip to King’ Landing you were able to find a few new friends, like Davos Seaworth with whom you talked about your and his family. He was patient and kind towards you, and you also liked Brienne, who had protected your sister Sansa from Ramsay Bolton. 

But you also discovered that Sandor Clegane, known as the hound, was a nice person as well, although he didn’t liked to show it. But when the two of you were all alone, he always listened to your stories, even when they were boring. When the wind was too cold, he always gave you his coat and sometimes also shared his wine with you. So it happened that you fell in love with him. It was naive, you knew that very well, and of course, you struggled with your own feelings. But Sandor wasn’t as bad as everyone thought. 

As he decided to stay the whole day in his cabin, you thought it could be a good idea to visit him. You knocked at his door.
“Sandor? Its me, (Y/N). Can I come in?” He said nothing, but instead opened his door. 
“What do you want?” His voice was harsh, he definitely was in a grumpy mood, but you knew that he wasn’t angry about you. 
“Talking”, you replied with your cutest smile, entered his room and closed the door behind you. You sat down on his bed while he stood in front of you. 
“How was your night?”, you asked.
“Terrible.”
“Is everything alright, Sandor?” Your voice was soft.
“Yes”, he mumbled. 
“I am worried about you.” He started to laugh. 
“Me? Why in the seven hells would you be worried about me?”

Keep reading

zoellaIt’s world mental health day so I wanted to share something that I hope will either make you feel reassured or offer you the equivalent of a caring hug through this post (I’d be squeezing you in real life if I could). If you have a mental illness, you are not alone. Those feelings you feel where everything is SO intense and you think you couldn’t possibly cope with them any longer, there are other people who feel that way too. Having therapy for my anxiety was the best thing I ever did. It’s hard work, it’s long, it’s challenging & I still have days where I feel I’m taking baby steps or falling behind, but ultimately my end goal is still there. To live a life I WANT, not a life I feel I need to settle with because my mind won’t let me. I’ve had days where I’ve cried for hours wishing I could just be “normal”, but what is normal? Everyone has something they are battling, whether big or small, whether they show it or not. We are all just human & sometimes we need that time to work on ourselves! Don’t be afraid to speak up, to share how you feel and to talk to those close to you! You are not your mental illness, you are so much more than it. You CAN be louder 🗣, you CAN be in control 👍🏼 & you CAN be stronger! 💪🏼 (If I can, you can too) ❤️

i accidentally take the wrong train at 12:30 a.m. and all i can think about is how, if you were here, this wouldn’t have happened. or, it would’ve happened, but it would’ve been on purpose, since the train that i’m on is headed towards your hometown and simultaneously away from mine. do you ever consider the irony behind both of us growing up on islands? i think it explains why i taught myself to drown in order to make this work, why distance for you is second nature, why we could never figure out the difference between getting over it and going home. it was raining today, and no, i didn’t wear a coat. no, i don’t want yours.

it’s 12:52 a.m. and i’m on the wrong train and i’m crying because i miss you. no, that’s a lie. i’m crying because i’m really fucking tired and i want to be laying with my pants off on a mattress but i’m telling myself it’s because of missing you considering it always comes back to that anyways. most of the tears i’ve shed lately are due to your existence, along with my inability to write something that will make me feel happier. wait, sorry, those are both about you. i’m tired of making my mistakes into metaphors, but i need to fill the space where you used to be with something and words are all i have left now. i wish i hadn’t been left, now.

it’s 1:30 a.m. and i’m on the wrong train and i’m remembering our first date, when we talked about where we were from and i was so nervous, thinking about how disgustingly beautiful you were, that i completely missed about two minutes worth of conversation. i never told you about that, i guess you know now assuming that you’re still checking up on my blog, reading the poems about your mouth. i’ll bet you’re wondering what this has to do with trains, and all i can say is that sometimes you’re constantly moving towards a destination but you still aren’t going anywhere at all.

it’s 2:10 a.m. and i found a bed after a new train and an expensive uber but i didn’t find you.

it’s been so long since i’ve found a place to rest.

i find you everywhere, written by CAITLIN CONLON

This is about you, the person who reads when sleep doesn’t come quickly. It has been weeks, has it not? Maybe months, you don’t count the days anymore. And when you do sleep, you could’ve sworn adventures were being waged in your name, you did not dream– you traveled through your late night thoughts, this isn’t sleep. You’re still tired. You’re awake, but you’re not really there– like someone trying to get your attention, but this is a short-circuit conversation, let’s skip the small talk, who’s in your heart? Tell me about the pieces of yourself that you’ve kept hidden underneath those baggy eyes, how many lives have you said no to? The person you could’ve been, dreaming these same fucking dreams every night, when does it become more? Less of the person you are right now, why can’t you sleep again? You have forgotten, I guess I just wanted to dream about who I could’ve been instead of who I chose to be, the decisions we make creates a kind of anxiety that we can’t shake off, it starts in the hands– your trembling knuckles rattling its unsettling truths, corruptible laughter won’t you sing us into a song, this is still about you– I just wish that someday we can talk less and listen more. Sometimes I don’t need you to actively be there to be there for me, you can be passive, being passive is fine. Doing too much and not noticing enough, like a genuine conversation gone wrong because you received a text– heads go down again, there goes our attention span, this is why I don’t open up, and this is why I’m scared to. In a world where they demand to know how we’re doing, we’re just a text message away from being a blurry face in the background. This bit? This is about technology and what it has done to us.

Essays in Existentialism: Doctors III

i need you to continue (and or jump back in time to tell us about their first kiss) doctors au like i need air

Part I
Part II

There was a time when everything was quiet in the hospital. It never came at the same moment, but it did usually come before the storm, as the saying went. Calm as it was, there was still a certain hum to the life in the building, a certain way everything worked and clicked. 

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anonymous asked:

Tbh I'm happy for Kaneki and Touka and all but it just makes me sad for Hide haha, he depended as much on Kaneki as Kaneki did on him and he felt lonely and left behind when he joined Anteiku, and idk now that Kaneki has Touka and possibly a baby on the way he'll be even more lonely and alienated from him (if he's still alive) bc I feel like Kaneki is finally getting the family and love he wants but Hide will still only have Kaneki. this just makes me wish he doesnt come back at all haha ^^;

Ok, I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t, but can we stop romanticising this narrative of codependency? ^^’
I hate how toxic the supposed Hide fandom can be sometimes. Why would Hide be sad that Kaneki is happy and has finally found his place in the world? Why would Hide be against it if it’s everything Hide has always been wishing for? If Hide wanted to be Kaneki’s whole support system by himself, he wouldn’t have talked to Touka about how to better read through his lies and half truths. He would have never told her that he’s a good liar and how he became like that as a result of a lonely childhood. He wouldn’t have tried to make Touka into an ally, as it later happened.
Sure, Hide cares a lot about Kaneki. And sure, he was lonely when Kaneki closed himself off, but it was because Hide knew that Kaneki was hurting himself by making bad life choices, not because he couldn’t cope with Kaneki being his own person.
Stop romanticising Hide’s protectiveness of Kaneki and making into a narrative of possessiveness and codependency. It isn’t.
If you’re a real fan of Hide you should value him because he’s his own person, not because he’s Kaneki’s best friend. If you really liked his character, you should wish for him to come back and get a proper character development and a narrative that centers around his role in the story, not wish he was dead because otherwise the story wouldn’t fit your flawed standards for what makes a good friendship (or romantic) dynamic.
Just stop. Or at the very least don’t come to my askbox and make me read it.

When their s/o being older than them and very independent also live in another country


Anonymous said:  Hi! Could I request a BTS reaction to their S/O being older than them and very independent? Maybe throw in that S/O lives in another country if it isn’t asking too much? Thanks! 😀


Kim Namjoon : 

He sighed as he unlock his lockscreen and found you sent him pictures. There you are with your friend, in Hongkong Disneyland wearing cute minnie stuff on your head. He smiled while swiping his phone for more pictures. 

“What are you looking at?” Asked Hoseok. 

“y/n is having a weekend on Disneyland. I wish I could join her but we have tour,” he sighed. Hoseok patted his shoulder, “you’re a strong leader, Namjoon.” 

You watched Namjoon’s live and vidcall him as soon as he’s done with his schedules. You waited and waited unti you saw Namjoon with bright face. “Hey, babygirl! I missed you so much!” He said. You chuckled, “you saw the pictures I sent you?”

He nodded, “yeah, you’re very cute. Let’s go there someday, okay?” He said. You smiled at him, “it’s okay, I can wait until you finished your tour. Or maybe I could come for several concerts to see you.” His face lightened up, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” 


Kim Seok Jin : 

He rolled his body with a blanket, making Jimin, as his roommate confused by his hyung behavior. “What are you doing, hyung?” He asked. 

Jin sighed and ruffled his hair, “I missed her so much. It’s been three weeks since she went back to her country…” He sighed. Jimin chuckled and he record him secretly, “what do you miss about her, hyung?” Jimin asked. 

“Everything. I’m gonna cry Jimin, don’t start the conversation.”

“But you look you want to spill it out.”

“I missed her food, okay! She makes delicious food in the world! And now, she’s in another country, which is her’s and she cooks for a lot of people since she works as a chef!” He yelled in frustrated. 

Jimin sent you the video and laughed as Jin rolled himself in a blanket. “What a cutie,” you said. That night, you would tease him until he yelled to Jimin and threatened him to let him starve for a month. 


Min Yoongi : 

For Yoongi, you’re his inspiration. Because people need inspiration for producing good stuffs, including Yoongi. That’s why when you’re not around he would locked himself inside the studio and stalk your social media. 

“I missed you a lot, why don’t you stay here with me?” He frowned as he saw your face on video call. 

‘Yoongi, don’t be such a baby. I have job,’ you chuckled. 

“It’s not like you’re older than me you can do whatever you want, I have enough money for us to live together so don’t worry and comeback.”

You sighed as you saw his childishness, ‘Yoongi, hun, I promise you I’ll be back at the end of the month. Just be patient and focus on your songs.’ 


Jung Hoseok : 

“I love you.”

“I missed you.”

“I’m going to give you a lot of kisses when we meet!!” 


Park Jimin : 

He would do a lot of video calls just to make sure you eat and healthy. ‘I’m not a kid, Jimin. Remember? I born 2 months earlier than you. I ate 2457 more bowls than you.; 

“Y/n…” He pouted. 

‘Ooppss….I’m sorry.” You grinned. He chuckled and shook his head, “I missed you so much…can you please come quickly?” 


Kim Taehyung : 

It’s Taehyung, we’re talking about. He would send you a lot of his selcas and videos that make you laugh. You sometimes tell him how hard living alone in apartment. 

He laughed at your words, “seems like you’re still a kid, y/n.”

‘Kim Taehyung,’ you pouted. He sighed and stared at you deeply, “I wish we could cuddle and tell you how much I love you. You’re not alone” 


Jeon Jungkook : 

Same like Taehyung, you live alone in apartment. Jungkook also worried about you cause he knows that you easily get scared.

‘Jungkook-ah, I can’t sleep,’ you said, ‘I’m scared…’ 

He chuckled and told you to cover yourself with blanket, “don’t be such a baby, I’m the baby here. Now, let me sing you till you fall asleep.” 

Your Love Over Death

Author’s Note:

Okay, I love this quotes that I got for this Headcanon set, so I when a little overboard on some of the stories.

Sorry, not sorry.

P.S. If you want be do do more stuff like this DON”T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

Please, and Thank YOU

Warning: Near Death stuff, and talking about self harm in one of the stroy (but it was in the pass)

Quote from Anon

“I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that" 

Art by:

@staticcolour​ and @buninak, both of which are awesome artist by the why.


Shiro

You were being yelled at by Shiro when it slipped out of your mouth. You had done a risky move in the middle of battle and was nearly killed you but it save thousand of lives.  Now back in the Castle you where dealing with the aftermath of your save.

“You could have been kill!” Shiro snapped.

"I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that" 

It took a moment for him to understand what you just say.

“What?”

“You heard me Shiro.” you said as you walked up and kiss him on the cheek “I sometimes wish for death but I love you to much to hurt you like that.”

“I . . I love you too, Y/N.” Shiro said pulling you in a hug “and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“I know Shiro.” you whispered “I know.”


Keith

Keith was being his normal reckless self in the heat of battle. You where fuming and pulled him a side when the battle ended.

“Keith Kogane!” you yelled “You could have been kill!”

“Yes, I could have been but I go the job done.” he snapped “I don’t see why you care so much. It not like you have to think about death when you are safe in a castle away from everyone and everything that wants to kill us.”

"I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that” You snapped at him and turned away with tears in your face “But I guess you don’t love me enough to think about that.”

“Y/N!” Keith said “I …I …don’t know about that …I sorry. I should never said that or thought that about you. You are the smartest, kinds person I know, and I shouldn’t have reckless endanger myself when there was a-”

You turned around and kissed him on the lips to stop him from bladding anymore. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled up close, and kissed up with passion and care. Soon you broke to kiss and pushed your forehead to his.

“I love you, Kieth.” you whispered “Even if you are an idiot.”


Lance

You had been stabbed in the stomach in the middle of battle and didn’t tell Lance knowing that he want to see the cut and that would show all you old self harm scars. You where now in the Blue Lion on the way back to the Castle with Lance Keith and Pidge. Kieth and Lance where arguing like normal and Pidge was going annoyed with it.

“Will you two stop it!”

“Kieth is backseat Lion driving!” Lance said “Isn’t he, Y/N?”

“Hmm.” you said trying not to say anything know it would give away that you where in pain.

“Y/N?” Keith said “You don’t look good.”

“You where about to argue with him when you lost consciousness.

When you woke up you where in a Healing Pod and standing there was a very worried looking Lance.

“Hey.”

He said nothing.

“Lance?” you said stepping out of the Pod “What is it?”

“When where you going to tell me that you had done self harm?”

“Lance-”

“Or maybe that you where dying in the back of my lion? My Lion, Y/N! With my driving it!” Lance said his tone changing from worried to mad.After a moment of silent Lance said,

“You could have died!”

His had so much pain in his face you felt so guilty for not telling him sooner.

“I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that”  You said talking a step to towards him “I didn’t tell you I used to self harm because I move on since we started to date. Heck! I think I stopped when we first met. You showed me that I am more important and that I shouldn’t have do that.”

You touched his face and brushed away a tear.“

You showed me what it is like to be loved.”

He lend down and kissed you. He kissed with a passion and love he had always showed you and with the worry he had felt over the last few hours with you in the Healing Pod.

“I care so much about you, Y/N.” he said after he pulled away “Please don’t do anything like that again.”

“Okay.”

Hunk

On a rescue mission with Pidge you had gotten shot to protect a group of young alien kids. You didn’t tell you best friend because you knew that there was work to be done and you injury could wait.

It couldn’t.

You start to feel sick on the away back to the Castle, and once you got to the Castle you vision started to blur and you can’t walk. The last thing you saw before backing out was Hunk’s worried face.

You woke hours later to find yourself alone in the medical bay. You felt sad, no one was wait for you but then you saw the time and understood. It was 2:35 a.m. in earth time, everyone was asleep. You where super hungry and wander to the kitchen. Where you found you boyfriend wide wake making cookie.

Your favorite cookies.

“Hunk, shouldn’t you be in bed?” You asked

“Well yes but I couldn’t sleep because you where in the healing pod and I wanted to be there when you woke up  to give you your favorite cookies and–” he said and then he stopped and looked at you “OH MY GOODNESS YOUR  AWAKE!”

He drop the pan of cookies and ran to you and wrapped you in a bear hug.

“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!” he said over and over again, which made you laugh.

“What why am I hugging you! I should be mad at you you can have die! Do you know that? YOU COULD HAVE DIE!  Then you would have left me here alone with Lance and Kieth.” Hunk said in a really fast breath “But that doesn’t matter now, you are okay and not dead. By the way, why did you do that? You could have die!”

  “I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that” you said shrugging your shoulders.

Hunk then pulled you into a kiss, with was surprising and it caught you off guard, but that didn’t stop you from melting into it.

“I love you too.” he said pulling away from the kiss.

“Do you love me enough to let me like the blow?”

“As long as you share.”


Pidge

You and Pidge where in her Lab when something when very wrong.

“Umm …Pidge?”

“What?”

“That shouldn’t be smoking.”

“What are yo-”

You pulled her close and covered her body as the piece of tech she was working one blow up. Now you where in the Medical Bay with a silent Pidge as Hunk was stitch up your back.

“Hunk can I have a minute with Pidge” you said as you pulled your shirt back on. The big Teddy Bear nodded and left you with your girlfriend.

“Pidge,” you said taking her hand “Say something.”

“You could have die and it would have been my fault.”

“I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that" you said brushing the tear off her face “But that doesn’t mean I will let you die when I can save you.”

She looked at you and she had tears running down her face. You kissed her forehead and pulled her into a hug.“I love you Pidge.”

“I love you, too, Y/N” Pidge said into you chest “But please don’t do that again.

You had me so scared.”

“Noted”

Allura

You were the princess’s guard before you where your her specific other. You offend said or did things that annoyed her because of that. She was currently mad at you about the whole invaders thing. 

A group of highly skill marks men go into the Castle and nearly took out her and the paladins, if it wasn’t for your quick thinking and Coran’s tech skills there wouldn’t be any paladins of Voltron.

But at a price.

Your Princess wasn’t talking to you, and it seem as if she was actively ignoring you. It was a few days after the Invaders and you found her in the Control Room by herself.

“Your Highness-” you started apologize but she bear hugged you and which made you stop talking. You then returned the hug as the two of you stood in silent.

“You could have die.” she whispered into your chest “And I couldn’t handle it.”

She was shaking and you pulled away from the hug to see that she was crying.

“I have lost to much of my family to lost you, too.” Allura said “Why do you keep throwing your life in danger!”

“I’ve never minded the thought of death, I wished for it sometimes. I still have those thoughts now but I can’t bear to leave you alone, I love you too much for that"  you said brushing the tears out of her face “but it my job to keep you save, Love. Even if that means putting my life in danger.”

“Well I’m the princess.” She said in a commanding tone “I say you can’t do that anymore.”

You laughed and kissed her forehead.

“Nice try, Love.” you said with a smile “But this one time I can’t listen to you.”

6

EPISODE 2 - “Tiresome Females” - PART 5

PreviousBeginning  —  Next

I am not mad. That is far too meager. I am seething. Seething with the devouring rage in its most pure form. I have been proven yet again – for anything I wish to be properly done, I need to do so myself. Come to think of it, was there really such a dark moment in my life when I considered leaving a screwball that is my mother with that damn demon-in-training who most likely fan-girls over Satan as a sensible idea?! Clearly, I must have lost my marbles. Only the prospect of my sister suffering for this atrocity is keeping my temper even if barely but in check. And I vow to bring all of my skills and creativity into play when determining the most suitable way of punishing that brat, least of which will be a shortcut to the afterlife.

I make a mental list of all the bureaucracy I will have to deal with before embarking on this wonderful journey convinced that my treacherous face is already betraying all the enthusiasm felt on my part. Yes, I am bursting with joy, except I am not.  I absolutely loath two things in life: mixing family with business, and getting my plans ruined. Perhaps this list is a little bit underdeveloped but I withhold myself from drifting away from the problem at the hand.

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It's hard to be a woman sometimes...

Hi guys,

I’ve been meaning to talk about something for a while. Something very personal, very intimate, but also very important. Something that is unfortunately still a taboo among us women, and that makes me angry.  

I hope that, in doing so, I might find some closure to my story, some sort of peace, but also because I felt awfully alone at times through it all, and I wish this was something we discussed more between us, women.

So here it goes.

In July, I got wonderful news to celebrate. A positive pregnancy test. One that I’d expected for so long after my first pregnancy, seven years ago.

I spent almost two months with this tiny human being deep inside me, planning our future being 4 instead of 3. This was bliss.
Until I learned at the end of August that this baby would never come into our lives.

(the rest will be under a cut, cause I know not everyone will wanna read about miscarriage)

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Amnesia (Pietro x Reader)

Author’s Note: Hey guys! So I’ve gotten out of my creative slump by listening to some music and I put together a one-shot fic. I’ve kinda had the idea on the back burner for a bit, but I finally found some time to sit down and write. I hope you guys enjoy!

Summary: Even a year after your break up with Pietro, you’re still hurting. This is based off the 5 Seconds of Summer song Amnesia (lyric inserts in bold), but I recommend listening to this cover by Anthem Lights (I listened to this version when writing it).

Other Characters: Wanda

Warnings: Angst and sadness :(

Word Count: 936

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anonymous asked:

We used to be friends here but don’t talk anymore and haven’t for quite a while. People grow apart and things happen, but that’s okay. I just saw your wedding photos pop up in the “in your orbit” invasive sharing thing tumblr does and I wanted to tell you that I still think about you sometimes, and that I’m really happy for you and I hope you’re as happy and in love as you seem, and you looked beautiful. I wish you the absolute best.

One of my many flaws is that I’m really bad at maintaining friendships. Thank you for taking the time to send me this nice message and these well wishes. I wish you the best, too.