sometimes i make things when im sad

because im tired of having people criticize me 
because apparently everyone hates me
because maybe i wasnt designed like everyone else
because maybe i give too much and really only hurt myself
because sometimes im mad more than sad
and maybe i dont know why im mad
i like covering up my emotions because when i dont im called sensitive 
but when im mean im strong
maybe i need to be told that im good for once
that im doing okay
that im not as fucked up as they all make me seem
maybe if they spent one day saying only good things instead of five days only saying bad
sometimes i too need someone who will gloat me with complements and make me feel good for once 
im tired of being rejected and called out for all my flaws
i feel like people are ashamed of me
or because maybe ill just end this poem here.
—  because maybe

hey so idk if anyone has noticed but i have been less active than usual. the reason behind that is that i am trying to get away from tumblr. yes ik it can be pretty great sometimes on here but it makes me feel sad or wtv sometimes when i think about the time i spend on here. things in my life arent getting better but im coming to just accept how they are so i dont think i need a space to vent about them. since i dont plan on being very active, i dont think i’ll be posting or writing any poetry anymore which im not worried a lot about. once in a while i’ll come on to see how everyone is and talk to mutuals. you guys can continue to tag me in things bc when i come on i’ll check my tag. anyways i wanted to post this so when i dont respond to people they arent upset or wtv. i have a queue set up and if you have any questions then send them bc i’ll answer them today. i guess that’s it so bye for now

anonymous asked:

I have the same sense of humor as dan right, dark, finding self degrading myself hilarious, etc,etc. But I worry when he does it because the reason I make them about myself is because (1) I make them because I find them hilarious and (2) because I don't want everyone to think that I think all of those things about myself WHEN I do :( so It makes me sad because in the back of my mind I think Maybe that's why he makes them too ugh I'm don't ranting bye bye congrats on your engagement!

no no yeah i get that! sometimes i self degrade because i think it’s funny and im really fucked up and love to embrace death, but sometimes i also totally say them because i like. LOVE death and dying :’) lmao. I think dan is okay though. he goes through hard times just like everyone else, but i think he is able to take care of himself and stuff. pushing aside today’s comments on being a disappointment (which made me fucking sad even if they were a joke), he seems to be a lot happier and more wholesome, so i don’t think we have to worry about anything. 
Also thanks! i’m trying to decide if i wanna have my wedding on the zoo grounds by a river or in the art museum lmao

hey guys

im a person.
it can really hurt my feelings when you say really horrible things to me.
im not going to stop being me. im not going to change.
but sending mean messages to me isnt a solution to any of your problems.
im a person.
sometimes you ruin my day or put me in a bad mood or make me sad.
and it can make me act certain ways and get annoyed or irritated or have little patience or feel really down.
im a person.
and when i can see over 1000 hateful messages in my inbox it sucks sometimes.
ask yourself why you have to send me a hateful message anonymously. like seriously? deliberately trying to make a girl sad?
im a person. i have feelings too. even if it seems like im not real im fucking real

10

people probably think that im weird for obsessing over two guys with british accents and fringes who play video games and talk random things (sometimes. Most of the time they talk about interesting stuff and are very intelligent and give good advice. Like not to trust chairs because they will hurt you). People think that it is stupid and that I am wasting my time. but these two british guys with fringes who play video games and talk about random things (sometimes. Not all the time) make me happy when I feel sad and like the world is against me. I know that if I search up their names on YouTube, I will be laughing and smiling for the rest of the day and that is why I obsess over them. they put me in be best moods and I will never forget that.

P.s. I sometimes wrote in lower case when I was supposed to capitalize because it felt like if I wrote in lower case I sounded calmer. I do know how to capitalize though so don’t worry!