sometimes i make my own posts and feel really uncomfortable about it

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

  • “Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?”
    - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

  • “Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?”
    - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

  • (Someone forgets to call you back.)
    - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

  • “Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?”
    - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

  • "I don’t really feel like sex tonight.”
    - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

  • “You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?”
    - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

cvvtx  asked:

Hi! This is really random but I bumped into one of your posts and I've ALWAYS been interested in witchcraft since I was really young. Recently I keep thinking about it and stuff but idk where to begin. I was wondering if you could tell me?:)

Sure, I’ll try my best! I do have a beginner tag where you can find this original post, but I’m going to copy and paste the majority of it for the purpose of this ask.

“I’m going to start off with three things you should consider before deciding to be a witch. These are not necessary, but are suggestions.

One - What is your primary goal or what you want to achieve from becoming a witch? If you are just interested in it for the aesthetic, or because you think it will make you look cool, I would reconsider the reason behind your interest. This isn’t to say that people haven’t come to witchcraft this way and have been successful, but it may take you longer to grow into. Something else to consider is that having this identity can be dangerous depending on your location and situation. Those that dress as witches for the aesthetic are probably not trying to be harmful, but can sometimes cause a false sense of belonging to those that are practicing witches. (I asked a girl once if she was a witch because she wore a pentacle and I was looking for a local friend and she laughed at me.) Being a witch is often lonely and kept as a personal identification.

Two - Witchcraft can be happy and sunshine and rainbows, but at it’s base it is not something to laugh about. Witchcraft is about using the world around you and bending it to your will. That is a huge responsibility to have on your shoulders, as what you do can often affect others around you, whether you mean it or not. You have to be able to accept that witchcraft means work, responsibility and dedication. It is not a toy.

Three - Not everything you see is up for grabs when it comes to magical practices. There is (yes, there is) such a thing as Cultural Appropriation and it is a harmful thing to spread and practice. I’ll leave you more information on this later, but the point is that not all practices and paths are open for you to explore. You need to be able to look at everything objectively and do research and ask questions. Where does this practice come from? Who started it? What culture is it from? More often than not, when you engage in these types of practices, you are not even getting the original information. Why would you want to so something that is just a half-assed version? It’s disrespectful and harmful to the actual, living people of color (POC) that still practice the original forms of magic or ideology that so easily gets passed off as “ancient and mystical” when it is really just a white-washed version.

Some other tidbits to keep in mind.

Magic is not black and/or white. It is a neutral force that you bend to your intentions. Calling “good” magic white, and “bad” magic black only propagates racial inequality and the subliminal message that POC are evil.

You don’t have to be Wiccan to be a witch. Wicca is a religion/cult/practice where members worship the god and goddess, revere nature and often use magic in order to supplement worship. They follow The Rede and the Three-Fold Law. Most of what you will see on Tumblr is actually Neo-Wicca, which does not require a practitioner to be initiated into a group by way of a Priestess or otherwise. Wicca is an initiatory cult. Neo-Wicca is based off of Wiccan teachings, and often allows the practitioner to be solitary.

You can follow a religion (any) or you can not follow a religion. Witchcraft can be viewed as a religion on its own, but generally speaking it is a practice that can be blended with religion or not.

Witchcraft does not equal Satanism - as Satanism has many forms and ideologies it branches to as well, some not even involving magic.

You don’t have to be pagan or worship any deities to be a witch.

You don’t need to be white to be a witch. (I’ve been asked this!!!)

You don’t need to be straight to be a witch.

You don’t need to be able-bodied to be a witch.

You don’t need crystals.

You don’t need fancy tools.

You don’t need to read Tarot.

You don’t need an Ouija board.

You don’t need to communicate with spirits.

You don’t need a familiar.

You don’t have a spirit animal unless you are Native American and studying in a tribe. (Please read this post)

Smudging is also NA, see above. Please refer to it as smoke cleansing.

You can curse.

You can choose not to curse.

You don’t have to practice every day.

You can take extended breaks.

You don’t even have to call yourself a witch! Witch is a gender neutral term, but some feel uncomfortable using it because of its feminine history. You could use Wix, sorcerer(ess), magician, practitioner, cunning man/woman, etc. You don’t even need a title at all.

You don’t need a magical name unless you want one.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something along the way, but the bottom line is that whatever you choose to do, you are valid. All you need is yourself and the drive to learn and practice, whatever that may mean to you. There is no right or wrong way to be a witch, unless you are doing something that is harmful to oppressed cultures and people.”

Reading Material

Mostly, I’ll be using my tags for this, so that you can peruse as you wish!

Beginner Witch Masterpost - via @magic-for-the-masses

Witchy Masterposts - everything you’ll ever need, especially for beginner ideas like energy work and visualization.

Types of Witches Masterpost - to help you narrow down your focus on your path if you feel necessary!

Cultural Appropriation in Witchcraft - can get a bit heated, so take that into consideration.

Deities - offerings and masterposts of pantheons

Witch Tips - beginner friendly tips

Spoonie Witchcraft - beginner friendly and good for low energy work

Books - PDFs and book references for purchase

Astrology - fun stuff mostly and some informational posts

Herbs - associations and precautions

Tea - witchy essential

Coffee - also a witchy essential

Bath Magic - beginner friendly

Sigils - low energy and beginner friendly

Crystals - lots of pictures, some informational posts and precautions.

Curses - if you dare

Kitchen Witchcraft

Moon Magic

Storm Witchcraft

Tarot Tips - side blog

Other Divination

Anything else you are welcome to search on my blog by typing in torque-witch.tumblr.com/search/(enter word here) or you can visit my FAQ for more information.

Blog Recommendations

Witchcraft

@breelandwalker

@badoccultadvice

@belladonnaswitchblog

@cunningcelt

@cosmic-witch

@cxnnxr-slxan

@da-at-ass

@death-witch-envy

@frankiezaltar

@hellboundwitch

@hylianshrinemaiden

@herbalburbal

@ioqayin

@intuitive-witch

@littledoomwitch

@magic-for-the-masses

@magicianmew

@nightkunoichi

@nerdywitchmomma

@orriculum

@oldmotherredcap

@phoenix-fire-witchcraft

@potato-witch

@qedavathegrey

@recreationalwitchcraft

@rainy-day-witchcraft

@rootandrock

@stormbornwitch

@stormwaterwitch

@spellboundwitchcraft

@thewitchexchange

@themoonmysteries

@thekitchenapothecary

@upthewitchypunx

@unmaskingthedivine

@visardistofelphame

@witchy-words

@witchy-woman

@wheelchairwitch

Divination

@a-lavender-moon

@alethiomancer

@afoolsgrace

@coffeeandtarot

@deathandtarot

@followthewindreadings

@intuitive-rose

@limoniume

@loganscove

@moondusttarot

@queenofchalices

@ravenmagill

@swampseer

@tarot-dreams

@tarot-cards-and-tea


Some of these blogs do overlap with witchcraft and divination, but these are people I follow and respect. If you have any questions please feel free to send me and ask or message me! That goes for anyone :)

How You Interact: Dark-Side Friends

Since you guys liked my last “How you interact” post, I feel like I should make another. I wanted to do one for Antisepticeye and Darkiplier since I very rarely see posts for these awesome characters. 
These head-canons are what I think Dark and Anti would be like as a friend. 
Hope you guys enjoy!!

Originally posted by boopymooplier

Anti: 

  • My God, you’ll never live peacefully again! Not that it’s a bad thing, but Anti loves to mess with you. 
  • Small pranks that involve misplaced objects. Bookmarks placed three pages back. Occasionally he’ll make your phone screen all static-y just because you’re ignoring him. 
  • He likes making your mornings just that little more crazy
    Late for work? It appears your car-keys have disappeared
    Rough night out? He’ll be nice and make you a coffee, with two spoonfuls of salt to make sure you get your sodium intake today. 
  • Anti finds your panicked/angry rants amusing. 
  • But you get him back. He doesn’t like being called by cute nicknames. 
  • “Aww, Green-Bean, don’t be so mean. I’m only trying to help” 
    “I will destroy everything you love, (Y/N)”
  • Anti likes to be the center of attention. If you’re working or studying, Anti will try his best to distract you.
    At first, it’ll be small things. Like calling out your name in a whiny, jittering voice, balls of paper being thrown at you. Sometimes he’ll mess with your sense of perception so you have to acknowledge him to tell him off.
  • You simply try to ignore him. It became a game between the two of you to see how long you can last. 
  • The record was ten minutes; but you had to stop since Anti started messing with your electronics. Flickering the lights and making you see double of everything and a loud buzzing sound almost burst your ear-drums. 
  • It gave you a migraine for the rest of the day.
  • Although Anti isn’t the affectionate type; he does small things that brighten your day. 
  • A single flower will appear on your desk. 
  • A batch of cookies with milk. 
  • Even little notes around the house in green writing.
  • When you ask him about it, he just shrugs. 
  • “Maybe a little ghost is playing tricks on you”
  • He’ll try to distract you with video games. You absolutely refuse to let him win at Mario Cart because you don’t want to see his cocky grin. 
  • Competitions between you are dangerous.
  • Lamps are smashed and the walls shake from you two yelling at each other. It’s surprisingly relaxing to come home and yell at something.
  • On really bad days, Anti will appear and disappear on your computer screen. Flashing a smile and making weird faces at you until you give up and allow yourself to laugh. 
  • “Anti, your blocking the screen” 
  • “P-Play with me, (Y/N). I’m bor-r-ed” 
  • On rainy days, when your marathoning a series, Anti will be in the background of the show; waving or dancing ridiculously. 
  • At serious scenes; he can usually be seen making outrageous faces at the actors. You can’t help but laugh,
  • Although you try to hate him, you can’t help but adore Anti. It’s a tiring and irritating friendship but you wouldn’t want anything to be different between the two of you.  

Originally posted by bekadmfb

Darkiplier: 

  • I hope you like a friendship with a lot of flirting. Even though you two aren’t sexual towards each other, it doesn’t stop Dark from winking and speaking seductively towards you.
  • This makes people mistake you two as a couple. You don’t really complain, but sometimes Dark makes it difficult to make new friends. 
  • “You don’t need them, (Y/N). I’m all you need”
    “That would be true, if you could hold a decent conversation that wasn’t always about you” 
  • Dark likes to insult you. But you can see the hint of a smile whenever he says something. 
  • You throw it back at him with as much sarcasm as you can muster. He likes your sass. It challenges him to be on his game when he’s around you. 
  • You’ve witnessed his outbursts personally. But even though Dark has said some violent, horrible things about Mark; Dark is rather placid when you’re around him. 
  • He’s been pushed back and ignored for long periods of time, he likes to be around someone who acknowledges him. He doesn’t want his anger to frighten you away, but sometimes you do get caught in these outbursts. 
  • You wait patiently until he’s calmed down. Then make a little comment on the way his head jerks around. 
  • “So, do you get whiplash? Or are you like an owl under that suit?” 
    “Ask nicely and I’ll show you.”
  • Although he wouldn’t apologize, he is grateful you don’t ask about his behavior. Saves him from having to explain himself to a incompetent fool. ;) 
  • He also likes to play games. Sometimes you don’t even realise you’re part of one until you find yourself in another dimension because you took a wrong turn. 
  • “Tsk, tsk. You should have taken a left, (Y/N). Now you have to try and escape the Third Circle of Hell to return to the bathroom.”
    “If you don’t send me back right now, I’ll show you all Nine Circles of Hell!” 
  • He’s rather affectionate towards you. He’ll give your hand a squeeze as he passes.
    If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a public place, Dark will come up behind you and place his hand on the small of your back.
  • But previous mistakes have taught you that this attention has a price. 
  • He’d never ask anything big of you. Usually he’ll ask you to drive him somewhere, or accompany him to a certain location. Sometimes you “treat” him to dinner on Tuesdays.
  • But you are still very careful of what you ask of Dark. He remembers even the smallest favors. 
  • There are times, however, where he does nice things out of nowhere. 
  • You had a bad day during a work-week and you crumpled under the pressure. Dark found you in a sobbing heap on your bed and sat beside you. His hand gripped your own and he consoled you through the tears. 
  • Once your tears were dried up, he ran you a bath and almost drowned you in rose scented bubbles. 
  • It had been a shock to you. But a nice shock.
  • In the middle of the night, while you’re walking through the house to get a glass of water. You sometimes find a glass of cool water waiting for you in the hallway. 
  • You mumble a thanks to the shadows and stumble back to bed. 
  • Sometimes you feel the blankets pull up under your chin on cold nights. 
  • Other times, Dark will wake you in the early hours of the morning because he was lacking intelligent conversation.
  • Dark also likes to give you nicknames. 
  • They’re small and almost demeaning, but you don’t really mind. It’s better than fool or imbecile. (A name a certain family member is called frequently)
  • “Kitten, have you seen my tie?”
    “You’re wearing it, Dark. Are you blind as well as emotionless?” 
  • It’s a weird friendship. One people would first look at and question. But the two of you have many fond memories and the laughter you two share are contagious. It’ll be hard to tear the two of you apart. 


I hope you guys enjoyed this!

In Regards to Hate: On Victuuri

I don’t know what suddenly happened again but there’s a shitton of hate for Victuuri/Viktuuri(/etc) in the tags lately. People are welcome to feel however they want for a particular ship, but I just wanted to give my two cents by tackling the common complaints I’ve seen. I’ll start from the beginning so I’ll be addressing basically all the arguments against this ship I’ve seen so far. I’ve tried to maintain some sort of order for these, but honestly I just winged it at some point.  A lot of these arguments are also heavily character-based, so keep in mind that I’ll be deconstructing several scenes as well as character motivations as I go.  (As a note, this assumes you’ve seen the whole show. Also, I’m only using canon evidence from the show itself.)

This is like an informal follow-up to my super old post but also not really.

No I’m not avoiding work why would you say that.

WARNING: This is a massive post/wall of text. Grab popcorn.

Keep reading

To be Rock n Roll you Have to Make everyone a little Uncomfortable

This summer, I cut my hair short. The shortest it’s ever been. And do you want to know why I did it? Because I wanted to. That’s truly the long and..ahem…short of it.
A lot of women have shorn their locks this year, all for various reasons. Some out of convenience like me, some for deeper meanings in search of personal change. Some ladies are doing it simply out of defiance to show the world that a woman’s hair does not define her worth or beauty.
It’s amazing when you are in the public eye how passionate people can get about small changes like this. Especially on the net, the name calling, sexist comments and the mean, judgmental attacks on my gender and sexuality. All because I cut a few inches off my hair. And in the meantime most of my male friends right now are growing their mops out down to they asses! It’s just hair, it grows and gets cut. And the reason I’m addressing this issue is because there’s this misconception that your hair, what you wear, how skinny you are, your social status etc…defines your worth and your beauty. To that I’d like to say that my short hair was a test and some of you passed, and some of you failed because This could not be further from the truth. Your worth and your beauty is measured by your heart. It’s Your ability to accept yourself and others for their uniqueness, and really, being a good human is what makes you beautiful. I’ve been friends,dated and have had trists with a few handfuls of people. I’ve fallen for people who aren’t “traditionally and marketed as” beauty, and have considered them sexy and fucking amazing looking because of their bold, spunky, golden heart. I’ve also had close contact with our ‘traditional, socially accepted as beautiful people’ … and the truth is … it doesn’t matter how long your hair , your skinny waist or glowing skin… if you’re an asshole nobody wants to fuck, love or have you in their circle! The most beautiful people that I’ve kissed and that I’ve have had in my inner circle… are the rebels… the people that are defiantly being them, dressing like the want to, wearing their hair like they want to, getting tats, piercings, or none of those things. Just owning who you are is seriously the most sexy and beautiful thing you will ever do! And for me personally…this is what attracts me to someone.
I hope that everyone goes on Facebook and checks out every foul comment people are making about my hair. I hope every little girl and little dude reads this. I’m here to tell you that there’s always going to be people who will criticize you, judge you and are going to be downright cruel to you for the way you look sometimes. But when this happens you have to remember that You are ‘Rock n Roll’. You are not a pop star or a porn star where your worth is measured by your youth and your looks…. you Are Rock n Roll because you make everyone uncomfortable and are unapologetically yourself, you walk into a room with your head high and Own it, you dress yourself the way you want and you follow your dream at all costs with no backup plan!
Let everyone say what they want. But the only reason someone will troll you about your amazingness is because they are insecure and/or are dinosaurs who have no clue how to exist in 2017. Be you. Love you. Because I love you and we Stand Out together.

And P.S. do not feel sorry for me about any ridiculous comments that have been thrown my way… be sorry for the people that posted them… poor souls, I only give them love and encouragement to find who they are inside and not just own it .. but “Rock n Roll own it”

Love,
Lzzy Hale

Questions for Tarot Reading

Sometimes it is very difficult to come up with questions for tarot readings on the spot, whether you are giving the reading to yourself or if you are getting it done by another. Here is a small guide to hopefully help you with better wording your questions.

What shouldn’t you ask?

A good place to start is with what you probably should avoid. This does change reader to reader so this is not always true, but some typical things are:

  • Avoid Yes/No questions, these may be fine for pendulum readings but they are very difficult for tarot reading which gives you more details than a simple yes or no. Limiting yourself to yes/no questions can make the reading more difficult to interpret and even in my case when I get yes/no questions I am sometimes left baffled at what the card could mean.
  • Avoid questions that dig into another’s life. This could vary between readers, though such questions can be rather rude such as asking how two other people’s relationship is going or asking about a person’s secret life like “what is K keeping from me?”. these are generally avoided because well, they are rude and can make readers uncomfortable. Instead try to reword these questions such as “How could I improve my relationship with K, i feel like we are distant?” It is much more proper and involves you showing more appropriate interest in this person’s life
  •  Try not to ask outrageous questions. This should be a bit obvious but asking a tarot reader “how will the world end” or “when will WW3 happen” etc may seem funny but again, it is a bit rude. It is very mocking to us, try to ask questions we can actual try to answer. 
  • Don’t ask about your own death or when/how you will die. Though this is not agreed on by every reader, I know myself and many are uncomfortable with this question and will not answer for numerous reasons, including that we don’t want to scare or panic someone.
  • Health and Medical Advice. many tarot readers are not comfortable answering questions about your health or the health of others. We are not doctors or medical professionals, go and ask these questions to someone with knowledge in the subject, not us
  • Mental Health/Illness questions. Many tarot readers will not answer these questions because again, we are not professionals. Please seek professional help about your mental illnesses.
  • Always ask the tarot reader what questions they are not comfortable answering. This varies so much between person to person, so if they are doing free readings or event readers, check their FAQ if they have one or ask them what questions they are uncomfortable in asking. They will appreciate your courtesy and it can also ensure you don’t end up asking things that they won’t want to answer.

How can I come up with good Questions to ask?

This is a bit more difficult than what you can’t ask for it, again varies person to person. But as a general list of suggestions, here are some common questions that many don’t mind answering and can be nice for you too:

  • How will my week/month/year go? Simple but good for a general overall reading
  • How can I improve my relationship with _____? Not too nosy into the other person’s life and also gives you some information you can work with
  • How will my schoolwork/career go this month/term? 
  • I feel distant from _____ how can we best approach this problem?
  • What should I focus on this month?
  • What is holding me back? What can I do to improve myself?
  • What energies are around me today/this week/month?
  • What should I be more aware of in my life?
  • What is something i have been blind to recently?
  • I want to improve my ____, how can I approach this?
  • What are some good things coming my way?
  • What are some bad things coming my way?

There are many other questions you can ask but these ones above are some good general ones to start with.

When asking questions, try to make them about you rather than others. This is because you are the one getting the reading, not the other person. Plus, again some tarot readers may have personal preferences not to answer questions relating to another person’s life without their permission.

Remember not all tarot readers will do the same things! Always ask, if they don’t mention it in their FAQ if they are comfortable answering the following:

  • Love/Romantic Readings: I know other tarot readers who will not answer questions related to whether your crush likes you or how another person’s relationship is going. It makes some people uncomfortable due to lack of consent in some forms of these.
  • Communicating with Spirits or the Dead: not all tarot readers work with spirits so they may not wish to try to communicate with them
  • Questions about the Deceased or Death: again, some people are really uncomfortable with these types of questions
  • Deities: not all tarot readers are willing to communicate with your deity for you or see how your deity feels, especially when they are not connected to that deity or have a very different religious standing. Please respect that
  • Past Life Readings: not all tarot readers believe in past lives so not all will be willing to do a past life reading
  • Spreads: Not all tarot readers if they are offering you free readings will be using spreads. Spreads take time and a lot more energy 
  • Entity Communication: these would include communication with fae, merfolk, dragons, angels, demons, guides/guardians, and many other things. Not all tarot readers are willing to interact with these entities for you, especially if they are inexperienced with them or uncomfortable.
  • Revenge Readings: these would include questions related to how you can get someone back for something they did, if they will get punished for it, etc. Again, many readers may not be comfortable with these types of readings due to how aggressive and the wish of harm to come onto another can put people off.

Please always remember that tarot readers will be doing the absolute best to give you a clear, accurate reading. But, take readings with a grain of salt, things change all the time, so the reading may not always be 100% accurate. Don’t attack the reader for this, for they are trying their hardest to give you a good reading. Things aren’t always accurate, though we all try to be as accurate as possible to give you good advice. Sometimes the reading may seem like one thing will happen but something else happens, we readers make mistakes too. We are human. And the future is ever changing. Just remember that a reading you are given is never carved in stone.

I hope this has been helpful to you all and has aided you in understanding what questions to ask when getting a reading done. Have a wonderful day all of you!

giacomctti  asked:

PLEASE DO WRITE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE EROS THING, there can never be too much yoi meta! ♥♥♥

Okay!!!!! I don’t know if there’s much more to say beyond what you did, but I can sure try!

(for context, this is the post w/ the eros thing. I’m gonna quickly summarize that and then kinda ???? I’ll figure it out)

There are 3 ways to refer to oneself in Japanese:

  • 私 (watashi) probably the most common you’ll hear. It’s gender neutral, but is most often used by women.
  • 僕 (boku) masculine. It’s used by boys/men almost exclusively; however, I’ve been told before that tomboys use 僕 too
  • あたし(atashi) HIGHLY feminine. almost exclusively used by women. 

Yuuri most commonly refers to himself as 僕, except in specific circumstances. 

Like Alli said, Yuuri transitions from using 僕 to first 私 and then あたし during ep3. 

In the title card and in Minako’s studio, Yuuri uses 僕

but on the ice he starts with 私 

and once we really get underway into the program (2nd half), he switches to あたし!

I could be wrong about this–I’m VERY sick rn and my ears are plugged–but I think I hear Yuuri going back and forth between 僕 and あたし in the screenshot directly above??? Which is interesting…

Anyway, regardless, considering Yuuri’s use of pronouns, it tells the audience that Yuuri is seriously dedicated to portraying this story. He truly sees himself as a woman–or at least a feminine person–while skating this. Once he stops skating the routine, though, he immediately transitions back into 僕. 

It’s almost the same in ep5:

Victor tells Yuuri to seduce him, and instead of using 私 first, he uses 僕

and then jumps into あたし.

And then finally returns to 僕 after skating. 

I also feel like I need to note–for those who may be unawares–that when speaking Japanese, you don’t always have to use “I” in an “I” sentence. Sort of like English, but not quite. 

Sometimes in Japanese, you don’t have to use an “I” word because it’s implied to be present.

English does that too, but in a slightly different way? Using “I” is rather intrinsic in English, I think, and it’s not in Japanese. In both languages you can reply to “what’s your name” with “my name is [name]” “I’m [name]” or just “[name].” But in English, you wouldn’t be able to say something like “I already know the results” 

(hi yurio)

without using “I.” In Japanese, however, it’s pretty much literally phrased as “results are known,” with an implied “I.” 

So what I’m saying is, I can’t always get Yuuri’s pronoun just after the skate–when he’d be in the mindset–because it doesn’t always turn up. I do what I can. 

Sorry, back on track!

In ep6, Yuuri uses 僕 exclusively during the skate. 

(lemme just say that I love the way Yuuri is speaking here…his tone of voice is so lazy, and casually confident. Like you would imagine a smoking burlesque dancer. Fuckin get it, Yuuri!)

And it’s the same for ep8 and ep11, the only other times Yuuri skates Eros. 

Right, so, I’ve rambled a lot, but what’s the significance? 

As Alli talked about in their ask, the use of pronouns reflects how Yuuri views himself. 

Off the ice, he’s able to use 僕 comfortably, but not during this SP. In ep3, Yuuri speaks almost as if he’s coaxing himself into that role; starting out with the “safer” 私 before using あたし. 

I think this reflects the fact that, firstly, this program is uncharted territory and Yuuri needs to slowly settle into it. Secondly, Yuuri isn’t fully in the headspace yet. It isn’t until ep5–after months and months of training with this story–that Yuuri can jump into the role of The Most Beautiful Woman in Town™ easily. He’s comfortable with that idea of himself now. 

I mentioned this in a post I did forever ago (boop) but during the ep5 SP, Yuuri reverses the roles of the man and woman in the story. 

So even though Yuuri still performs the “woman’s” role, he turns the story on its head. Yuuri is confident enough here to be able to see himself as the seducer, the playboy, etc etc. But right now, he can only see it if in the role of the woman. 

In ep6, Yuuri starts using 僕 from there on out. He’s gained enough confidence in himself–and in his relationship with Victor–to be able to put himself out there as physically desirable. Thanks to Yuuri’s own inner strength (mentally weak my ass), family/friend’s support, and Victor’s encouragements, Yuuri was able to make a smooth transition into showing a new side of himself.

If I know anxiety–and boy howdy, I sure do–this is such an incredible move to make. Doing something new, something that will get you noticed, is really hard. It’s clear Yuuri is uncomfortable with the idea of having fans–both because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it and, I think, because Yuuri feels he can’t handle that sort of attention.  

I used to do a lot of acting myself, up until only a couple years ago, despite my anxiety issues. I loved it, I enjoyed it immensely, and I would say that the mark of a good performance is when you can’t remember anything that just happened. You completely lose yourself in the experience; you become your character, and it feels natural. When you’re comfortable with a character, a side of yourself that comes out during performances, it’s as easy as breathing to slip into. 

By ep6, Yuuri truly sees himself as this person. He’s comfortable with himself, his place in the skating world, his desires, and the eyes watching his every move. 

Godspeed, Yuuri; you make that performance and yourself. God-fucking-speed. 

TAROT TIPS for Beginners

There’s a lot of tip posts out there but I thought I’d just post a few of my own. These work if you’re just getting started or just thinking about getting started.

Finding the deck for you

  • IT IS NOT BAD LUCK TO BUY YOUR OWN DECK! Please, it’s alright, and it doesn’t have to be new either. Take your time, shop online and/or offline at local book stores or metaphysical shops, find the deck that really calls to you and buy it. DO NOT steal a deck. I shouldn’t have to tell you that it’s immoral (especially when it comes to taking from shops that are probably struggling to stay afloat) but it’s also illegal. If you still feel weary of buying your own deck, have a supportive friend or family member buy it for you. 
  • Shop around for your deck, there are lots of places to look. I could provide you links but honestly, google is your friend.
  • Don’t feel pressured to get a standard Rider-Waite over a stylized one. Get whatever speaks to you. Tarot is very visual, and so if the visuals on the cards don’t speak to you, you’ll have a harder time reading the cards. A standard RW deck will fit more book definitions and imagery, but by no means is it the deck you *have* to start off with.

So you have a deck, now what?

First thing you’re going to want to do is charge and cleanse your deck. What do I mean by charge? To charge is to attune the deck to your personal energy. You can do this many different ways:

  • Leave the deck under your bed/pillow for a few nights (I have never done this, sounds uncomfortable, but w/e floats your boat.)
  • Leave it on your altar with some personal items/crystals/trinkets for a night or two.
  • Wrap it in a cloth or place it in a bag or box of your choosing, maybe add some personal items or touches and leave it there for a little while, maybe carry it in your purse or bag, whatever feels right.

Once it’s charged/attune you’ll be ready to give it some good shuffles and start reading. If you bought it used or you think it might have been handled a lot before you got it, you’ll want to cleanse it. Cleansing is great before you charge it to get rid of any lingering energies or in-between readings to keep it fresh. You can do this a few different ways:

  • For a light cleanse pass the cards through some incense smoke. Lot of people ask, which kind of incense? And honestly, I’m sure there are people that will tell you a certain one is better than another, but I just use whatever I feel like using. 
  • For a medium cleanse use the incense and then leave the deck out (on your altar or dresser for example) with some quarts crystal on top of it. Quarts is great for absorbing negative energies. 
  • For a heavy duty cleanse (and keep in mind, I’ve only had to do this once), use the incense, then place the deck on a plate or flat surface with the quartz on top. Then put a salt circle around the deck (around the edges of the plate, try not to get too much on your cards since salt may damage them.) How long you leave it there is up to you. You might want to give it another pass through incense afterwords and re-attune it to your energy again.

All charged and ready to go, what now?

START READING. Shuffle cut and deal, my witches. It’s as simple as that. If you want to read the booklet that came with your deck (most do, but not all) then go for it. (If it didn’t include a booklet, you can easily find the information online for free.) You might find some test spreads in that book. By all means, try them out! But don’t feel trapped by using spreads–free styling is good too!

  • Read for yourself and anyone that will let you. Do a morning reading to see what your day will be like, or ask any question you feel like. Do readings for your friends and family! Practice practice practice!
  • Don’t be afraid of getting it “wrong”! Even people (like me) who have been reading Tarot for years get stumped on the meanings of the cards sometimes or misread the message they were trying to send. It’s okay!
  • Follow your gut. Your intuition is what will help you read the cards way better than just memorizing the meanings you found in a book or online. It takes time to trust that gut feeling though, so don’t be hard on yourself if you struggle in the beginning. 
  • Record your readings! Be sure to include what you asked, what deck you used, what the book says it meant, and what you think it means. It’s great to go back (sometime later) and see how you were right or if the cards meant something else.
  • Take it one card at a time. Tarot has a lot of cards, each card is full of dozens of meanings and interpretation. It’s daunting at first, so start slow, one card at a time. You could pull a card daily to study, or just go in order. While you study traditional/book meanings, make sure to leave room in your notes for your own thoughts and feelings about each card. There is no right or wrong way to read a card.
  • Having trouble narrowing down the meaning of the card? I see a lot of beginners struggle with this part, and I don’t blame them. There are a few things that will help you narrow it down. First is what was the context of your question? How can it apply to the situation you were inquiring about can help narrow it down. Taking into consideration the cards around it may also help (assuming you pulled more. If you didn’t, some people pull a  clarifying card, which is another card to help narrow down the answer.) If all that still has you stumped, write it down and come back to it later, it may come to you.
  • Patience is a virtue. Time is your friend in tarot, especially when it comes to growing, understanding, and learning. There will come a time when you need to step away from Tarot, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to understand it, and know that as soon as you think you’ve “got it figured out”, the cards will always come back to surprise you.

I hope these tips helped. Like I said, there are a lot of great tip posts out there that go into more detail. A search through the #tarot tag should help! Best wishes! <3 

anonymous asked:

do you have any angsty headcanons about jeremy, preferably post squip, please? (also i love you)

deep and excessive abt post-squip jeremy?
me???
always

: )

Keep reading

I feel like tsukishima and yamaguchi are both terrible at communicating in different ways. I know tsukishima is one that’s usually considered bad at communicating (and I can totally see how) but please consider that yamaguchi…

  • has yet to share his internal turmoil about not being a starter with anyone
  • went off the team to an outside, rather unaffiliated adult for help instead of to his upperclassmen or teachers
  • shares more about tsukishima than he does about himself and subconsciously uses tsukishima as a social shield
  • clams up after losing to seijoh
  • held off on talking to tsukishima about real ass things that bothered him until his emotions boiled over and he ended up just screaming his emotions to his best friend in the middle of the night in a rather public place
  • (and as it turns out, tsukishima actually had no problems accepting yamaguchi’s words and heard him out with minimal resistance so all of yamaguchi’s internal reasons for not speaking up sooner just kind of flew out the window)
  • will 100% say nothing is wrong when everything is going to shit
  • has never ever verbalized his emotions in any serious context to any of his teammates
  • won’t talk to his best friend about Important Things™ sometimes because he’s afraid it’ll annoy him enough and he’ll presumably stop being friends with him despite not having any evidence supporting that theory
  • is super competitive but rarely shows it
  • is the kind of guy that you look back and realize you know very little about personally
  • is the kind of guy who blows up at people for not knowing things he didn’t actually communicate or suddenly bursts with boiled-over frustration and leaves you going “um where did that come from?”
  • apologizes the next day and insists you forget about it and that he’s just fine and nothing is wrong haha dw about it
  • has really only cracked jokes with tsukishima and (very recently) hinata
  • tends to dance around topics or questions that he doesn’t want to answer
  • sucks at communicating despite being so bubbly and talkative

Don’t get me wrong, tsukishima has his own issues with communication to be sure, but they’re different. Tsukishima simply refuses to communicate on important things 90% of the time, especially if the issue really bothers him because that’s getting into emotions and that’s not what he’s here for. He’s embarrassed and a bit awkward about sharing so he cages off instead, and he doesn’t do well with approaching people who don’t approach him first. But on the flip side, he seems to own his lack of skill better and has less hang ups about it. At the very least he doesn’t seem bothered when people don’t know much about him because no duh, how could they understand him or his feelings if he doesn’t share? That’s tsukishima’s take on it and he’s got it on the nose there. Also, when directly confronted or when he actually decides to open up by himself, tsukishima’s words are very honest and blunt and they invite little room for misunderstandings. 

Yamaguchi’s communication problems stem from a different place. He’s a great communicator… to an extent. Whereas tsukishima’s hang up is just that he’s a very private person who feels uncomfortable opening up, yamaguchi’s stems from the fact that he wants to but is simultaneously too embarrassed or afraid to. He’d like to both communicate how he’s feeling and keep his cards close to his chest, and since he can’t actually have it both ways his emotions end up being turned into some sort of ticking time bomb. He holds anything he feels is too important to share at bay until that’s no longer an option and he blows up at someone or something very suddenly. Like he kinda wants people to know about things but my god he doesn’t want to have to tell them. And even when he is opening up he’ll often stall or dance around the issue a bit. Yamaguchi is a good talker and he’s more of an extrovert than tsukishima, but that doesn’t make him a master communicator by any stretch of the imagination. 

anonymous asked:

Hey rat what where the things that made you stop defending sixpenceee. I did some of my own research but I wanna know what you think

The main two things that I saw all the time and could absolutely no longer defend:

  • sheer laziness in post-making; she didn’t fact-check basic points, she got names/dates wrong, her posts were riddled with terrible grammar and spelling, and she sourced sporadically at best. I couldn’t understand why someone with such an influential blog would spend so little time on it. not to mention a lot of the posts were awkwardly worded and/or just badly written in general.
  • post-stealing; I’ve seen her copy-paste huge chunks of Wikipedia articles, huge chunks of Reddit stories/threads, huge chunks of other bloggers’ posts. she’s even done it to me – I’ve posted something and @’d her in the tag, and she’s taken the post and reposted it to her blog. sometimes she would “credit” me as in saying I found it, but she never reblogged my actual work. god knows how many other people she did this to.

These are the two things I saw constantly all the time, and the laziness and plagiarism just really rubbed me up the wrong way. Some of the other stuff also happened often but didn’t annoy me as much (but I didn’t appreciate it, either), and some of this stuff rarely happened/I didn’t witness myself, but they’re all factors:

  • the money grabbing/constant self-promoing/note grabbing; like, I get it. no one is on Tumblr if they’re not looking for notes, but stuff like “follow for my woke soul” and ““deep”” quotes I used to see on stickers for MySpace profiles were just embarrassing and annoying. not to mention the mall goth shirts and the constant reblogs of her several other blogs. I didn’t follow for that. I followed for creepy content, and I got less and less of that over tie.
  • the art stealing; sixpenceee made shirts out of a lot of art I’m pretty sure she’s not licensed to use, including stuff under copyright law. this is really reckless behaviour and while most of the time I think copyright laws are bullshit I only apply this to massive corporations raking in billions. small independent artists are a different matter altogether. plus the shirts are constantly reblogged and very badly made. it’s just more of the above: she puts no effort in to anything.
  • ableism; I’m going to admit that I haven’t seen as much of this as it’s made out and that was the main reason why I sat on the fence for so long, but the more I read multiple accounts of people saying the same thing the more I can’t turn a blind eye anymore. once enough people are saying it, and for so long, it’s probably wise to take note. also when I sat down and thought about it I do remember several occasions where she’s tagged things mentally ill people have made/gone through as “creepy”, and a lot of the stories she rips off from Reddit do have the cheap ““twist”” of “and then………… he was MENTALLY ILL!!!111!!”
  • harassment/bullying/etc; this was something I hadn’t seen when people first started messaging me about her and for a while I did have the opinion of “well she can’t control her followers” but the more I’ve looked into it the more I’ve seen countless people saying that she either encouraged it or played the victim to encourage it, and several bloggers have been bullied into taking breaks or leaving altogether. she seems to do this to people who speak out against her, or other paranormal bloggers. I get you can’t control your followers but she has so much influence that she could shame them into stopping with one post. I have a fraction of her followers (in the five digits) but even I have had to do it in the past. it’s simple. you just make a post saying you don’t condone it and to stop, and 90% of people do. if people are bullying others in your name, shouldn’t you be ashamed? shouldn’t you want them to stop?

I feel really annoyed that it came to this because sixpenceee did help me out a lot at one point, and while I’m still grateful for that, one reblog two years ago is not enough for me to stay silent about all this anymore. there’s too much evidence against her and this “pay me to be nice to you” idea of hers says too much about her that makes me personally uncomfortable. I followed for good creepy content, not lazy posts, plagiarism, and fraud. everything else I’m more inclined to believe because of that “sixpenceee heals” post, too – and the fact that so many people have messaged me calling me brave for calling her out and saying they’re too scared to do it themselves just proves the other points. it’s a shame, but I can’t pretend it’s not happening anymore. 

My experiences with the signs

Aries: My best friends tend to be Aries but somehow the friendships end as easily as they started. Supportive and always down to hang out. If they aren’t loud, they still have a presence. Likes to appear confident no matter their self-esteem. Really determined to get what they want.

Taurus: Low-maintenance friendships. The friend that’s always there even if you haven’t spoken in months or years. Does their own thing and cares about their own comfort above all else. Actually chill but can get really mad. Into DIY/domestic hobbies.

Gemini: Almost too talkative for their own good. Says dumb stuff but is actually pretty smart. Problems with being genuine because they’re so scattered. Just wants to be well-liked.

Cancer: MOODY. If you can put up with their ups and downs, they’ll keep you close. Clingy but somehow also pushes you away. Wants to appear tough, but is actually really soft on the inside (like a crab!). If they’re out of their shell, they can be super goofy. Doesn’t let anything go.

Leo: Has a bunch of friends and hobbies to keep them busy. Likes to make people laugh. Ambitious individuals. People always know who they are. Probably going to end up famous.

Virgo: Another sign I tend to be best friends with. But they have no problem cutting you off and not giving you a reason why. Hard-working and always looks put-together. You can hang out with them all the time and still know nothing about them.

Libra: There’s probably a Libra talking about you behind your back right now. But it’s not always in a malicious way. Likes being social but can be cold. Uses words to manipulate things in their favor. Says they hate drama but always ends up in the middle of it.

Scorpio: You definitely want a Scorpio on your side. You’re either everything or nothing to them. If a Scorpio cares about you, they’ll do anything for you. If they don’t, they’ll have no problem being the bad guy. Doesn’t trust anyone. Always has a plan. Behind their intensity, they have a good sense of humor. 

Sagittarius: Obnoxious and likes it that way. Bold personality that says whatever’s on their mind even if it makes others uncomfortable. Loves to party and get drunk. Serious when it comes to school and work.

Capricorn: Hard on themselves for no apparent reason. Often doubts what people say. Realistic on the edge of pessimistic. Occasionally emotional. Has good taste and sense of style.

Aquarius: True friends. I almost always get along with Aquariuses. Hilarious and smart but doesn’t even try to be. Quiet but good conversation-holders. Minds their own business and expects others to. Sometimes low-key shady though. They’re scarily good at lying. Has a weird variety of interests.

Pisces: Always passionate about something. Big dreamers. Stabs you in the back but you won’t even see it coming because they put on a friendly front. Highly sensitive and feels victimized even if they are responsible. Messy in every aspect but considers it artistic.  

Muse || Peter Parker

Prompt - Y/N is an artist who tends to find inspiration in others, as in she draws other people, and she draws Peter the most. He sees one of her drawings of him and asks her about it. FLUFFY!

Warning - none. 

A/N: haven’t written anything in awhile and this might be a little short. Besides, I was getting bored. I am also in the midst of writing some smutty sin, so you can look forward to that. 

not my gif

Originally posted by gryffinclaw-in-wilde-times

She was a creative person, incredibly above average when it came to expressing her imagination. Her art was aesthetically pleasing to the eye, those who saw it wondered how a girl of such a young age could possibly make something so realistic. She had a talent for capturing the person’s essence in every drawing, or portrait to be more specific.

She drew everyone, whether they noticed it or not. 

But there was one person who she absolutely loved to draw.

That person was Peter Parker. 

The boy in the layered sweaters and graphic t-shirts. 

She adored that boy’s physique because to her drawing him came like second nature. In her drawings, his fluffy brown hair would be perfectly styled, his clothes exactly the way he had them; disheveled. 

But there had been one day when he had been late to school. He walked into their shared class, his hair tousled, his clothes in disarray. He had ran his hand through his wild morning hair in an attempt to tame it, and at that moment Y/N had already pulled out her sketchbook to draw his rugged appearance that captivated her so much. 

She watched him for the duration of the class period to get his features perfect. Nobody noticed her watching him, it was a normal sight to see her staring at someone. Everyone knew that she was an artist and that she drew anyone that captured her eye, some people took it as a compliment, others didn’t. 

She loved that drawing, she was proud of it. 

Everyday she drew someone new, and among those new drawings was always an even better drawing of Peter. 

In the beginning, when she first started drawing him she barely knew his name, she was just intrigued by his noticeable Star Wars t-shirt. But then as time went on, she became more infatuated with the young genius. 

She tried talking to him but the moment she caught a glimpse of those chocolate brown eyes, her face would become warm and her eyes were immediately back on her sketchbook. He was her muse. 

She found comfort in sketching his cheekbones, his jawline, his nose, his beautiful hair. It enraptured her. 

She was in her last class of the day, off to the side in the last row of desks. Peter sat directly to her left.

She had already finished her classwork so she pulled out her almost completed sketchbook and opened it to an empty page, her pencils were already laid out waiting for her to use them. 

She didn’t really mind if he noticed her drawing him, maybe he’d want to talk to her about it and then she’d actually be able to talk to him without being a shy idiot about it. 

She began with the outline of his face. She had done these steps so many times that she could probably do them in her sleep. 

She continued to sketch him, but she was so engrossed in her drawing that she didn’t notice Peter’s eyes flickering to her paper. He recognized the face as his own and his eyebrows furrowed together. 

She’s drawing me. She’s actually drawing me,’ he thought. 

A ghostly grin etches its way onto his face as he watches her, the pencil running over the paper, her index finger smudging the graphite for the appropriate shading, her bottom lip in between her teeth in concentration. 

He noticed that she didn’t even need to glance at him to complete her drawing. Unknown to him, but she had his face permanently etched into her brain. 

The bell rang signaling that it was finally time for the poor students to go home. Y/N packed up her stuff but carried her sketchbook in her arms. 

As the students began to excitedly file out of the room, Peter followed behind Y/N to try and talk to her. 

Y/N liked to take her time when she left school because she didn’t really like being in a crowded subway surrounded by tons of people, downside to living in New York. She walked slowly as she let her beat-up converse hit the newly polished school floors. 

Peter tapped her shoulder making her turn around. When she saw that familiar face looking down at her with a gentle grin, her heart fluttered. 

“Hey,” she said trying to make it seem like she wasn’t dying to run her fingers through his fluffy hair. 

“Uh hi, I’m-uh, I’m Peter,” he managed to say, she smiled at his nervousness. 

“Yeah, I know. You’re in most of my classes, you’re not invisible,” she clutches her sketchbook tightly in her arms. 

He’s talking to me. He’s actually talking to me,’ she thought.

He blushed cherry red, “I um, I noticed you drawing me during class and I-” she wanted to let him finish but she had to ask. 

“I didn’t make you uncomfortable, did I?” She asked, he shook his head vigorously.

“No! No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I just know that you draw everyone and I was curious as to why you were drawing me,” he explains.

“Because you’re beautiful,” she blurts out without processing the words as they left her mouth. 

Peter’s grin then turns into a full blown smile, cheeks blazing red. 

Y/N knew that she should feel embarrassed about what she had just said to the object of her artistic affection, but she wasn’t embarrassed. 

“You think I’m…beautiful?” He couldn’t stop smiling, his cheeks were hurting from how hard he was smiling but he couldn’t help it. 

A gorgeous and talented girl had just called him beautiful.

“Yeah. You’re my muse, my inspiration,” she wished she would just stop talking, but she had already started so there was no point in stopping.

“I know it’s a bit awkward but I-I draw you all the time, I find your features…fascinating,” she tells him, he chuckles. 

“Well maybe we could hang out sometime and you can draw me as much as you’d like,” he offers awkwardly sliding his hands into his pockets, she hides her absolute joy by looking down at her sneakers as her cheeks turn a bright red. 

“Um yeah, yeah I’d like that,” she accepts.

“Great.”

They leave the school together and he walks her home only for her to insist that he stay so she could take him up on his offer of making another portrait of him. He accepted, but this time it wasn’t a drawing…it was a painting. 

He flipped through the pages of her sketchbook as she prepared the materials that she needed for the painting. 

“Don’t you ever get tired of drawing me? I mean, I’m nothing special.”

She laughs, “Not at all, like I said…you’re my muse.”

.

.

A/N: I hope this was satisfying enough. I’ll probably be posting another fic this week because I’m having lots of inspiration. <3 

The Value Of Just Shutting The Fuck Up Sometimes


A few weeks ago, I was doing an interview with a reporter and she was asking about almost every weird GamerGate conspiracy theory that had come up about me in the last few years. I’ve honestly forgotten more of them than I remembered at this point. She didn’t seem to understand why I’d never addressed most of the accusations which had ranged from whose dick I touched to literally murdering people. She said in researching me for the piece, she’d only ever found the weirdo accusations but not my version of events, and seemed to not understand why I wouldn’t just say what actually did or didn’t happen.

I can’t blame her for being curious. I think whenever we hear something wild, especially about someone or something we care about, we want to know answers. Lord knows if you’re the one being lied about, it’s a natural impulse to want to set the record straight or give your side of anything.

Sadly, that’s extremely short sighted. No one thinks about what might happen next.

It’s been over three years of being accused of all kinds of shit from all kinds of people, and if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned the importance of restraint and the responsibility that comes with having a large platform and gigantic visibility. It makes me feel like a kaiju where any small movement could potentially tip over a building. I’ve written a bunch in my book about how engaging with bad-faith accusations and signal boosting them just to refute them can easily backfire and ingrain false information in people’s minds even further. That can sometimes just come down to a math problem - if someone with an audience of 50 makes up a rumor about you, if you respond to it with your audience of 500, more people are going to see the false stuff than would otherwise. To complicate matters, there are enough people out there who think that even refuting something at all makes you look guilty. There are people who want you to be guilty because they already don’t like you. Frequently, bad-faith accusations will not be addressed by proof to the contrary, because you can’t reason someone out of something they didn’t reason themselves into in the first place. People are complicated.

But when you put your side of anything out there, the thing that comes next isn’t usually “oh, okay”. The thing that comes next is usually escalation. It’s people digging into shit trying to prove you wrong. It’s invasive, and it can have so much collateral damage.

For example, when people ask me why I didn’t address my ex’s claims about who I did and didn’t sleep with, even when I had the floor, I get why they’d ask. My own desire to keep some remaining shred of my privacy aside, those claims aren’t just about me. I’ve been accused of sleeping with people I haven’t ever really talked to, people who are pretty private in general who just want to be left the hell alone. I don’t have the right to drag them back into a messy situation that involves probably getting stalked and yelled at by nazis just to try and save my own skin, especially since it’s more likely than not that people are just going to believe whatever they want to anyway. Or maybe that’s me being cynical after watching years of people claiming that I fucked someone for a review I never got from a website I already had written for in the past. I honestly have, I think understandably, lost a bit of perspective on that particular point.

This is especially complicated by situations like mine, because I am under constant surveillance by people who hate my guts who are looking for people to hurt, and people looking to feed on “drama”, and people looking for new targets. If you think that’s being dramatic, there are places I know of that have threads specifically about stalking me *to this day* with literally thousands of posts in them. Bad faith actors aside, my audience is in the hundreds of thousands. The responsibility that comes with that is something I take extremely seriously.
It’s something that I encourage everyone else with big online platforms to take extremely seriously too. I think a lot of us internet famous folks ended up here without really trying to, and it’s easy to feel like “well I didn’t ask for this and it’s not my fault if something happens” and while, yeah, sure, you can’t take responsibility for the actions of other people (especially people who are super out there and just looking to hurt someone regardless of whatever you’re doing), I see no reason to not try to minimize harm. A power dynamic doesn’t cease to exist just because you didn’t explicitly seek that power out, or maybe didn’t even want it in the first place. People who have less resources than you will still have less resources than you regardless of how you feel about it.

When there’s a significant power differential at play, there’s harm algebra to be done when it comes to addressing disinformation. It’s not as simple as “just setting the record straight” in public, because once you make something public you give up a certain degree of control that you cannot get back. It might mean putting someone who is already hurting or has so much less than me in more harm than I’d ever face by just taking the reputation hit.

Sometimes there’s situations where I just have to take it on the chin, because nothing happens in a vacuum. Sometimes I just have to let it go, no matter how much it fucking sucks to have people out there tearing into you for reasons that really have very little to do with you, because the collateral damage is too much on too many people to justify any potential repairs to my reputation.

Honestly, it’s really not worth it to me to escalate a situation just to make a frequently pointless attempt at getting people to be more critical of the wild shit they read about me online, especially when it means probably hurting someone else. It’s been years and I still don’t know how to navigate a lot of this. I’ve tried so much already - talking about bigger stuff, proving what actually happened, attempting to prove negatives, responding only with screenshots of fighting game win screens. It’s not like people making shit up about me, regardless of motivation, is a novel occurrence in my life. It’s not like I’ve made the right call all the time - I’ve arrived at this method of dealing with shit after making a lot of *wrong* calls. I’ve been pretty open about being a bad fit for being a public figure of any sort - I was (and still feel) vastly unprepared to handle being a weird symbol to so many people who want all kinds of things from me regardless of if they need a villain or a hero or a symbol of whatever the fuck.

Frankly I can’t live my life around playing whack a mole with whatever new horseshit slithers out of the corners of the internet on any given day that ends in Y, because when I was trying to do that it really almost cost me my life.

A fun side effect of being a survivor of domestic violence is how easy it is to slip back into doubting your own life and experiences to a hyperbolic degree. A fun side effect of depression is feeling like everything you say and do is bad and wrong and that you’re worthless on a regular basis. A fun side effect of my PTSD is flashing back to being in that fucking elevator shaft when GamerGate started and I couldn’t sleep or eat and was convinced everyone would turn on me and I’d be alone forever any time some conspiracy comes up that hits me at just the right angle that it gets under my armor.

But I know that’s squarely out of my control. All I can do is manage what I do with that. I don’t know what else to do other than seek external advice from people smarter than me when something comes up that really gets under my skin or makes me doubt my own version of events even when I damn well know something didn’t happen to help counter the trashbrain filter that the disinformation comes in through because having those issues doesn’t let me off of any hooks. I don’t want to use any of that, or even my status as someone who is frequently targeted with shit that I’m too exhausted to type out so just picture me gesturing vaguely at everything to absolve me of anything. I don’t ever want to think I’m above reproach, so I check in with people around me who will be honest and call me on my shit. When I do fuck up, and I do because I’m a human in an extremely weird fucking situation, I do whatever seems like the right thing to do, not the face-saving thing to do. Sometimes, this is shit that’s done in private. I don’t know why people assume everything has to be handled extremely online. But overwhelmingly more often than not, shit is maliciously made up, and more often than not the only right move that will de-escalate shit and hurt the least amount of people is just letting it go and praying that people will see through it, or they’ll actually talk to me if they see some wild accusation. And if people wanted to look for reasons to think the worst and get the knives out immediately, honestly, I feel extremely done with anyone looking to build people up only to gleefully tear them back down. I’m tired and I’ve watched too many communities devour themselves to want any part of that, and am only interested in working toward a future that’s centered on restorative justice instead of exclusively punitive systems in different settings. I’m tired of enthusiastic disposibility masquerading as community. All that behavior says to me is that I was never safe around you in the first place.  

I know I’m taking a gigantic risk in even posting this to begin with because I know it’s an uncomfortable subject, but it feels like a bigger, longer-term risk to watch my comrades, siblings, and friends all scared and lost on either side of the power dynamic - both as people who have grievances with people with gigantic platforms, and as people who have gained both visibility and the jealousy and hatefollows that come with it. I’m tired of talking about this stuff in dms with other scared people who don’t know what to do. And by no means do I think this is the only way to deal with any of this - this is just how I feel, and how I approach being someone who went from being some random weirdo to being a cultural football. Your mileage may vary. Hopefully I figure out a way that’s less dehumanizing, and if I do, I’ll be sure and let you know. But again, I’m a random weirdo game developer. I’m figuring this shit out as I go, and I lean into my skids and wear my heart on my sleeve and if y'all want to throw me in the trash over being aggressively vulnerable and human at you, that’s ok. You don’t have to like me or support me, and I like trash anyway.

Shit’s pretty fucked up in the world right now (duh), but the very least we can do is really interrogate how and what we use our varying degrees of reach and visibility for. We have to see ourselves as part of something larger and look at our impact instead of just our intentions. For me, sometimes that means that being right doesn’t mean a damn thing and is unrelated to doing the right thing. Sometimes, for me, that means knowing when to just shut the fuck up and let people think what they’re gonna think. And if nothing else, I’ve seen that on a long enough timeline, people tend to figure out who makes shit up without my involvement.

So I’m only gonna say all of this once, here, so that I never have to say it again and I can point at it any time I’m asked to weigh in on something someone said about me on the internet, because god damn I’m tired and I’d rather spend my time and effort trying to help people and make dope shit than fuss about what people think they know about me.

soft wolfgang, badass kala, and why kalagang is amazing

that last post got me riled up so yall better sit ya asses down because i’m gonna write you a goddamn essay on Kalagang

Listen. Kala and Wolfgang are perfect for each other. They are exactly the pieces of each other they didn’t know they needed. And we have one specific line in the show that proves it:

“You have something good and beautiful hidden inside of you. Just like I have something dark and wicked inside of me.”

Wolfgang is a badass, right? But badass characters are empty and flat if they don’t have a softness, a vulnerability to them to contrast that. Wolfgang can shoot people without blinking, can give and take a punch like nobody else, brings a fucking bazooka to kill his own cousin, but - he’s also soft. He likes singing contests because his own father beat him the singing out of him when he was a boy. He paints “evil santas” at Christmas. Hugs and kisses his best friend, his brother. Goes to the zoo to chill and look at the animals when he gets stressed. Strokes Kala’s face like she could disappear at any second and is trying to commit her to memory. Listen. Listen. My boy is soft.

The thing is, though, that nobody really sees that that softness is what’s beneath all the layers of badassery, except for Felix and Kala. Everyone expects him to be 100% hardcore 100% of the time. They also don’t see that all the walls he’s built around himself are protecting the part of him that wants to be loved, but doesn’t think he deserves to be. The part that loves fiercely, without hesitation, jumping all in. The entire point is that Wolfgang isn’t hard-hearted at all, but he tries so hard to be, because he’s always had to protect himself from people abusing him until he was so emotionally chafed raw that he had to put those walls up around himself.

It’s the mistake Lila and Volker Bohm make when they offer him money, women, power, the chance to own Berlin or to rule a new place free of Sapiens. They expect him to be like any Bogdanow - power-hungry, ruthless, calculating. They don’t see that he doesn’t give a shit about any of it. Literally all he wants is to chill with his girl and his brother and his cluster and like. maybe not get shot at every fucking day. 

He only loves one person (Felix) when we meet him, because he’s been taught that the people who were supposed to love him will only hurt him and betray him and he doesn’t want to open himself up to that ever again. Everything he’s experienced has made him believe he’s unlovable, a monster, unworthy of receiving affection. It’s the reason he’s so reckless with his own life, so willing to risk it at every turn.

Now Kala - Kala is in the opposite situation. She’s beautiful, smart, nice, kind… the list goes on. But her family, her husband, her coworkers, even the rest of the cluster sometimes, expect her to be only that. Nice. Pleasant. To do what she’s told, what she’s supposed to, to never make anyone feel uncomfortable. It’s one of the most common societal pressures put on women everywhere. Don’t rock the boat. She’s been taught to want certain things - a good husband, financial stability, a nice house - she’s been told these things will make her feel happy. Except for one little problem - she doesn’t truly want them.

What the people around her don’t realize is that she is so much more than that. Let’s appreciate the symbolism of her using ordinary, everyday things - cleaning supplies, spices, a blottle of wine, the slight slope of a parking lot garage - to explode, to cause harm, to save the people she loves, to become something no one expected, to turn these things into something no one knew they had the ability to become. That’s her - the pressure and the frustration and the suffocation building up inside of her, unable to escape because she’s not supposed to let it. She wants to be able to do and choose things not because they are the “right” things, or because someone else wants them for her, but because that want comes from herself.

So how do these two match up?

Wolfgang needs someone who KNOWS him, who knows his past and knows every dark thing he’s ever done, and sees that that’s not who he is, that he’s more than that. It’s because of these things that he doesn’t believe he is worthy of love. So he needs someone that SEES him, and loves him all the same. Someone that allows him to be soft and vulnerable while also recognizing the reasons why he has so many walls protecting that part of him. 

And Kala needs someone who won’t suffocate her with their expectations of her, who won’t judge her for her darker sides, for not being the “good person” she’s always been pushed to be, for not wanting everything she’s been taught she should want. Someone who will love all of her because of who she is, not because of how pleasantly she behaves.

And that’s exactly what they find in each other. 

After watching this latest instragram live of Key’s I have to say a few words about the behavior some are showing. In this live, there was a moment where Kibum actually froze in disgust after reading a comment (thankfully, not out loud), leading him to report the person who commented it. I do not know what this person said, and frankly, I do not want to. Yes, there have been moments where I have been annoyed with the other spectators, but this was too far, and I’m officially pissed. So I have decided it’s high time I address some of the things I’ve observed.

  • Don’t curse at him, in any language, even if it’s “friendly.” Yes, we are his fans, and yes, during his lives it is a sort of casual environment. However, we are still total strangers to him. Censor yourself. 
  • Stop asking where the other members are! Especially if it’s in his own house! He’s even replied to someone who asked where Jinki was, saying something along the lines of: “I don’t know, you do realize I live alone, right?” If he’s in a hotel room, you better also bet no other member is in the room with him, since they are probably in their own rooms, resting. Asking this is rude and highly disrespectful. It’s Key’s live, if you wanted to see other members, maybe this isn’t the right place. I don’t know how he feels internally about getting these questions, but if I were asked it, it would make me feel pretty insignificant. Basically, stop.
  • I can’t believe I’m saying this, but try to stop asking him where he is. He’s stated before that he doesn’t like getting this question repeated to him and having to say the same answer over and over. It obviously annoys him, so try to keep asking this to a down low. 
  • Please don’t ask him to say hello to specifically you. Just… It’s not gonna happen and this is frankly selfish. 
  • Don’t ask him to speak more of a specific language. Be it English, Japanese, or whatever, just don’t do it. Kibum replies to questions in the language they were asked in. He does say stuff in English or Japanese of his own accord sometimes, but that is his own choice. Let him speak in the languages he wants to speak.
  • “I can’t understand you.” Good to know………..?
  • Do not leave sexual comments! An obvious reason is that it makes him (or would really make anybody) uncomfortable. And for good reason. It’s rude, vulgar, and is harassment. Keep anything of a sexual nature out of the comments.
  • And while we’re talking about things of a sexual nature, do not inquire about his sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or gender identity. An answer to any of these could potentially get him into major trouble and possibly put him out of the job, depending on how he responds. It’ll put him at risk. Just don’t. Keep your speculations to yourself.
  • Also don’t ask if he’s dating anyone.
  • And don’t talk about your ships!
  • Don’t shame him into answering or saying anything. I remember a comment he read in an earlier live that said “Why aren’t you answering my questions? Do you hate me?” First of all, tens of thousands of people are watching his lives, and the majority of them are commenting. he’s obviously not going to see and respond to every single comment. Secondly, guilt tripping is never a nice thing to do. It’s manipulative and on levels of selfish I won’t dare describe.
  • Don’t ask him anything personal. He is a human being with privacy he wishes to maintain as well. This includes sexual questions, but is a bit more broad. Basically just don’t try to poke around into his personal life. There’s a reason it’s personal.
  • “What group are you in.” I don’t know if this was a joke, but if you’re serious… um…. Why the hell are you following him if you don’t even know what group he’s in??? That just doesn’t make sense??? (Props to Key for the sassy answer though, keeping that NCT joke alive.)
  • Do not ask him to choose between groups. I’ve never personally seen this, but according to @mingoox, it is a common occurrence. Apparently people have been commenting things like “BTS or EXO” and frankly just hearing about it is annoying. If he wants to talk about the music he likes, let him without pushing your own music tastes onto him.
  • Stop asking him when he’s going to come to your country. I know the intent is not necessarily impolite, but the wording is. Instead, it would be wiser to say something more like, “I hope you come to *Country* too.” It’s a little bit more wishful rather than blunt. It also doesn’t force him to either disappoint you by saying that they aren’t, or to lie and say they are. 
  • If you know of anything else, please message me and I will add it to the list.

I’m sure there are more points I could bring up, but these are the ones I can remember at the moment. This post might grow in the future as I notice or remember more things.

Anyways, moral of the story. Don’t fucking be rude. Key is taking the time out of his busy schedule to speak with us, we should be respectful and polite. If you are one of the people who have asked something like I listen above, think to yourself, how would you feel if someone said that to you? Kibum is just a regular human like the rest of us. He has feelings. 

As a Shawol, and specifically a Locket, it fucking hurts to see his face full of disgust at something a “fan” has said. He loves us Shawols dearly and constantly tells us that he misses us. We obviously have a very good relationship with him, and shit like this puts all of that in jeopardy. We are so grateful for these little interactions and the last thing we want is for these lives to stop. Use your common sense, people.

All of this doubles for comments on his regular posts as well. I’ve seen some of the shit you’ve all said. Some of you take the “Lil’ freak” thing a little too far… Y’all need to chill.

bojack horseman spoilers

I can’t even begin to list all the things I love about Todd Chavez as ace representation (only touching on season 4 here, because I already made a list of things I love about the stuff in season 3):

  • He’s struggled with his sexual orientation since puberty, and it’s not until he’s in his mid-twenties that he addresses it head on. And even then it takes him a full year to land on a label he’s comfortable with.
  • In episode 1, his best friend calls him asexual and he’s extremely uncomfortable. He’s uncomfortable both with someone else labeling him, and with the term itself. Then his friend backs off and agrees that while she shouldn’t have stuck him with a label, there are advantages to identifying as something specific.
  • This is a lot of what the arc was about, actually. It’s like a reproach to all the people who say that since asexuality is the absence of something, it’s not really anyone’s business and doesn’t need its own terms/groups/representation/etc. Todd ultimately benefits from both the use of a label and the support/community that come with it. 
  • Episode 3, the ep where Todd comes to terms with being ace, is also about his character in a broader sense. Not only does this show that his arc this season is about more than just his sexuality, it ties his asexuality in to his struggle with self-identification and personhood in general.
  • “I don’t think I’m allowed to be in love.”
  • Bojack is exactly the sort of asshole who puts his foot in his mouth and makes comments like, “Sometimes I wish I was asexual. Maybe then I wouldn’t have a strand of herpes!” Don’t be like Bojack. 
  • When Bojack makes a joke about it, Todd quickly shuts him down and says, “Yeah, I’m not really at a place yet where I wanna joke about it.” This is really striking to me, because I’ve had a lot of people make jokes at my expense, and there seems to be a general lack of awareness of how serious the subject actually is. This is a serious part of a person’s identity, it can take years to come to terms with. Decades. It’s not a  personality quirk, it’s their life. And just because you start to become more comfortable with something doesn’t mean that the people in your life can treat it so carelessly.
  • About the ace meet-up: “Talking’s good. You know, there was a meeting I was supposed to go to tonight, but I don’t think I’m gonna go. I don’t know if I’m ready. I mean, what if it’s not everything I want it to be? Sometimes the idea of something is better than the truth.”
  • But then he goes! And it helps him a lot. The group introduces him to new friends (which he desperately needed), it helped him feel more normal, teaches him new terms, etc. Through people he meets in it, he learns that he can still be in a relationship, can even get married if he wants to, that love doesn’t hinge on sex. Which, you know, can be a pretty radical discovery for an ace person.
  • Also introduces him to my new favorite human being axolotl, Yolanda Buenaventura.
  • Todd talks about his sexuality with his friends. He uses the words “asexual” and “ace,” he drops it into conversation as he becomes more comfortable with the concept. It’s not a private matter.

There’s more, but this post is really long. I think the biggest thing for me right now is that anyone who watches this show, anyone who worked on this show, is being given a grade-A education. The fact that people like Aaron Paul and Will Arnett now know about and presumably understand asexuality has blown my mind. The fact that this popular show is introducing hundreds of thousands (or millions? Netflix doesn’t realize its viewing stats) of people to asexuality makes my life easier. If I find out someone’s seen this season, it’s going to change how I interact with them.

I want to be able to talk about being ace in day-to-day conversation. I want my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc., to know that I’m ace and not voice their doubts behind my back. I want to be able to point to TV shows like this and say, “You know that character? That’s me.” So, uh, that’s why I sobbed hysterically for fifteen minutes after watching Bojack Horseman.

Concept: Mickey and Emil have been friends basically since they both began skating. They’re really close, and when I say close I mean HELLA. Sleepovers, friendship bracelet exchange when they were 12 (Emil still wears his outside of skating, and while Mickey will never admit it he still keeps his in his wallet of all places), the whole deal. Sara is also part of their friend group, but she’s definitely not as close to Emil as Mickey is.

And then puberty hits and Mickey suddenly becomes very aware of Emil and his closeness to Sara. In reality, nothing’s really changed, but he’s begun to get a weird tight feeling in his chest whenever he sees Emil smiling and laughing with Sara. He begins to be a lot more protective over Sara because that’s what it’s gotta be, right? Sara is getting prettier each year, and as her big brother he has a responsibility to keep men from taking advantage of her. Even if it’s Emil, who he’s known for years. Anyways, there’s nothing else this feeling can be, right? Right. Nothing more than protectiveness.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hi!! i know you said you were answering witchy asks so heres what ive got. im a really new witch, ive been interested in it for a few months now and have veeery slowly started trying to figure out what types of magic i can do / enjoy. i know research is the way to become more aware of magic and how to do it, but im never sure what good sources are or what are good articles to read for baby witches. if you have any, id be really thankful! thanks for considering even if you say no <3

Okay, so, instead of recommending you articles and stuff, I’m gonna talk a bit about critical thinking in magic, and using our discernment, because I don’t think it gets talked about a lot.

So the thing is, first off, there are a lot of sources out there, as we know. Some are awesome, some are hit and miss, and some are just…bad. But how can we tell them apart, and how can I know as a beginner what to avoid?

Well, the first thing you want to do is find your source of information. Pick an article. Read it all the way through. Now, how do you feel about what you read? Did it make sense, or were you left confused on a lot of points? Did it *seem* reasonable? Was there anything that didn’t sit right, or made you feel uncomfortable or unsure of yourself?

As magic users, we are taught our instincts are very important, and generally good to follow in regards to magic; I’d say the same can be said for researching magic as well. Of course, it’s not to be totally relied on every time, but it can definitely give you an idea of things you may want to stay away from if it doesn’t sit right with you. Not only is the information accuracy important, but whether you are comfortable utilizing it too! our boundaries in magic are just as important.

Paying attention to any sort of comments or reviews on sources is great too. There are some problematic sources out there, and we do talk about that sort of thing on Tumblr. There can still be useful things found in bad resources, however; you just need to know the problem areas to avoid so you can sift through it to find anything that may be useful to you.

Problem areas:

  • using the terms witchcraft / Wicca / pagan interchangeably
  • religious exclusion (saying one religion is better than another)
  • elitism (“real witches only do *this*” ; “you are only a real witch if you are *this*” ; etc.)
  • cultural appropriation
    • chakras
    • smudging
    • spirit animals
    • animal totems
    • Voodoo / voudou
  • racism
  • anti-LGBT
  • use of slurs
    • g*psy is a big one
  • claiming Wicca as an ancient religion / oldest religion
  • outdated information (can be a problem to some)

This is just what I can think of right now, and is by no means a complete list. If you find something that you wonder if that’s really okay, or gives you a bad gut feeling, stay away from it, or try to look into it a bit more and see what you can find.

[List of Closed Cultures]

Some find that a lack of sources can be a problem, and that is definitely the case with published authors. Online, however, you are more than likely going to find personal experiences, and we can’t really source our own experiences and methods besides to ourselves. Not everyone references the posts they used for herb correspondences, or what method they used for their sigils. Generally you will want to know sources for more about the information of the practice (its history and usage over time, magic users in the past, etc.), because that area is really fuzzy and there’s lots of misinformation on that.

In regards to telling information accuracy - this can be a bit harder nowadays, since we know that magic is unique to each that practices it, and so you may even sometimes see conflicting information on the same topics! Definitely very confusing from the start. I think it is important to keep in mind different views and methods are possible as you research. However, I still recommend that you cross reference.

If you are reading through something, and you wish to check its accuracy, Google it. For example, if someone mentions the properties of rue, and you want to see if that’s really how it’s used commonly, search it up. (This isn’t just applicable to Google, but any other reference materials you may have, Google is just the easiest for accessibility.) Check a few other resources, see what they have to say on the topic. Do they line up for the most part? Where are the differences? Do you have any personal feelings on the topic yet?

Sometimes just experience is enough to tell whether something is legit or bogus. Say you find a spell, and it looks kinda meh, but you don’t really know for sure if it’s any good for you - give it a test run. Learning and discovering for yourself can be just as important and have as big an impact on your craft as anything else. This may have a higher level of risk to it than other methods of research, but sometimes we gotta…

I think that’s really what witchcraft is all about - because all the research in the world isn’t really helpful if you don’t do anything about it. Your experiences may vary based on what you read, and that’s fine, but you’ll never know how it may really work for you unless you try it out for yourself. And I mean, of course you should be doing it in a safe way, but hopefully you know the importance of performing your actions safely in magic and the benefits of protective methods.

Honestly, discernment is something that is experienced and learned that way - trial and error do really help a lot for each of us to find out if this particular thing is any good for us - and just because it may be legit for one person, doesn’t mean it is for you. That is why it’s great to do the research, but you also need to back it up with the physical actions of trying it out too. 

Now, this is by not means extensive or complete, it’s just what I can think of at this time. 

I’m gonna give you some resources as well, just to be sure.

All of the posts I would recommend would be from Tumblr, since that is where my main arch of experience comes from. However, you can definitely Google your own articles and take a look-see through them, see what sounds feasible to you, if anything makes you feel weird, and cross reference it to a couple other references.

If you can do books, here are some that other have recommended.

I hope this helps you! If I can think of anything else to add in the future, I may do that, but off the top of my head, this is what I’ve got. I have a huge post on how to do witchy research in my drafts, but it is still gonna stay there for a bit, particularly because I have no time and energy for it right now, lol. But I hope this gives you some ideas! :D