sometimes i hug my dvds and cry because this show has ended

anonymous asked:

How about the RFA and their first fight with MC?

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و Gotcha! I hope you enjoy em!


Yoosung

- Picking up studying and maintaining his LOLOL life was becoming increasingly difficult each day

-You always tried your best to support him, though! Unfortunately, it was starting to have a few downsides

-Sometimes you’d get roped into playing his game for him during an event, or having to help him study even though you were busy with your own

-Helping him study wasn’t too bad; it was just LOLOL at the most part. You’d never played an MMORPG before him. They looked way too difficult, and your assumptions were right! His guild had helped you, almost babied you at first, with the events. But this one was a big one-time event?

- Of course, you managed to screw it up. You only had a bit of practice as you were busy with your own schedule

-Annnd that is what led to your first argument.

-”What? How could you mess this up? The temple was such a low level!”

-He just wouldn’t stop yelling and fussing at you. Before long the shame ate you up too much, and you just outright started sobbing right there. Becoming a blubbering mess trying to explain that you just weren’t good enough at this game yet.

-As soon as you started crying, Yoosung stopped his yelling. He just stood there at first, in a bit of shock, and then carefully wrapped his arms around you- Fully hugging you tight when you leaned into him.

-He let you cry for a bit, him nearly tearing up as well, as he realized he was being a little too harsh on you. (Good job Yoosung)

-After a good bit, he pulled away so he could look you in the face and apologize. Nothing half-assed either! 

-You too had a long talk, full of hand holding, hugs, and small kisses. He was going to stop pressuring you so much with his game. And, well, he really should take a break on it if it was making the both of you stressed now, instead of just him. The weekends were always there to play!

Zen

- “What do you mean it’s not cute?”

-Zen looked confused at your worried over the drawing in his hand. His fan-letters were nothing new, but the increase in them after you two had started dating publicly were a little concerning.

-Especially with this one showing a high-leveled drawing of him and the fan from the letter. It was truly a great picture! But the fact that they were in a kissing embrace, and that it was sent to him, made you worry about how much these letters were disclosing.

-Especially after a few you had witnessed were shaming you.

- “It’s just something that happens when you get famous! You’ll understand, babe.”

- Instant frown, and Zen realized he maybe shouldn’t call you a pet name at this moment.

- “Can you at least stop shoving it in my face, or would you rather be with the girl in the picture that badly?” Oops.

- Shock was all over his face, and even though you were glaring, you felt immediately disgusted with yourself for being so petty. But, damnit! He started shoving those love letters in your face always!

- Pretty soon, one thing led to another and you guys landed in your first argument. Then everything started coming out- The jealously, the smoking, him kissing other girls on stage. You felt so petty, but in your anger you let everything off of your chest. And so did he.

- After the both of you cooling off for a bit, and you crying, you slowly made your way to the rooftop he was on. You didn’t know if he was cooled off yet, but you called out his name anyway. When he glanced at you, and offered a small smile, you immediately started spilling out apologies. And he did too, hugging you and countering all of your apologies with his own.

-Afterwards, you two calmly discussed some things the both of you were worried/jealous about, and made sure to have healthy discussions about it in the future rather than exploding on each other. 

-(He also promised to have a talk on his blog about the more NFSW letters)

Jaehee

-It was hard to stay mad at her for too long. Both of you were adults! You would even argue she was moreso of an adult than you were.

-But it seemed you were more adult than her in some aspects

-Like the fact she was literally running herself ragged with the coffee shop.

-You could tell her small cold had gotten worse due to how hard she would work and refuse to rest- Or to even close the shop early.

-Add that to the fact she refused to hire teens with no job experience, too worried that they wouldn’t be able to handle it, and you had the both of you exhausted before the shop was even closed.

-Knowing she wouldn’t listen to you much about her health- “I’m fine, I promise.”- You decided to ask Jumin for some help. Just a little- Because he knew her work persona much better than you did.

-After a few bad, horrible, suggestions from Jumin on how to get her to rest, you finally took matters into your own hands

-You hired one of the teens that had been rejected.

-He was great at his interview! Very passionate and already knew a bit of needed info about coffee shops.

-But when Jaehee saw him in a uniform, she took you to the back office for a discussion. 

-”Mc, do you not trust my opinion??”

“I do, but not when it’s biased and makes no sense!”

-Arguments for a long time. So long that the new hire ended up managing the cafe while the two of you bickered, and even though he wasn’t fully trained, he did a great job.

-When Jaehee huffed out of the back office, realizing how much time had passed, and saw how well he did. Well. She did start to feel a bit silly.

-Once the two of you calmed down through-out the day while working, you two walked home and talked the whole time in a much more civil and calm manner. You apologizing for going behind her back, and her apologizing for her stubbornness.

-of course you watched a Zen dvd when the two of you got home ya nerds

Jumin

-The two of you lasted so long without an argument. So long!! But eventually, every couple has one.

-It wasn’t about work, or Elizabeth 3rd, or even you spending his money. In fact, it was about the lack of you spending his money. Even sometimes refusing gifts he bought you because they were so expensive and a bit unnecessary.

-You weren’t used to spending so much money. You grew up sometimes having to rely on neighbors for food, or grandparents. Not spending over 100 on one meal like the two of you did daily.

-Today, you rejected another one of his gifts. You never were harsh about it, just politely saying he didn’t have to and you were fine without it. 

-Slowly, he put the necklace back in the box. “Mc, are you wanting to continue our relationship?”

-You’ve never had your heart nearly rip out of your chest so fast. 

-”What?”

-He went on to explain. He was worried about this since you never accepted his gifts anymore, that he was a bit stressed about it now.

-You tried explaining how you just didn’t like spending money so uselessly, so excessively, but he kept interrupting you saying that money wasn’t an issue.

-”Damnit, Jumin! I’m saying it is an issue! Not all of us like throwing our money like some pompous rich asshole!”

-Well. You didn’t mean that he was an asshole, but he certainly took it that way. And you couldn’t really blame him.

-He just. Left. Picked up Elizabeth 3rd and excused himself to the bedroom to work.

-Oh god did the two of you just break up?

-He stayed in there for hours. You cried, got angry at yourself, cried again. Once you had finally calmed down, you saw Elizabeth 3rd trotting down the hall to join you on the couch.

-Thankful for some outside comfort, you shyly petted her while glancing up at Jumin.

-He looked very stressed and tired, but he sat down beside you anyway.

-Immediately you explained your reasoning in a better way, and he listened. You apologized many times for the indirect insult, trying to explain you weren’t trying to pull a Zen on him, and he stopped you.

-”I..Actually called Zen for a bit of advice.”

-Oh my god.

-After him explaining his side of things as well- His worries of you constantly rejecting his gifts meaning you were rejecting him- and how Zen explained a few things, you two slowly started cuddling on the couch.

-After a long discussion, you decided to learn to accept some expensive gifts, and he learned not to try to buy you something every single day.

Seven

-The two of you were bound to have an argument eventually.

-He was sweet and funny most of the time, but every now and then he’d slip into a very depressed mood. Especially if it was caused by another one of Saeran’s meltdowns.

-He was quick to blame himself for everything, and if you tried to cheer him up he’d actually lash out at you at times.

-Tonight wasn’t that different. It was just a matter of him lashing out and you losing your last straw. After a few bouts of yelling, you announced he could sleep by his damn self if he was going to continue pushing you away.

-The fact that he actually agreed made you even more pissed off.

-Though when you went to the spare bedroom, you ended up crying your eyes out. It really hurt that he kept pushing you away.

-After distracting yourself (Aka, funny videos and talking to Jaehee and Yoosung about the argument), you eventually fell asleep.

-In the morning, however, you woke up to find him cuddled up next to you- Holding you tight to his chest.

-(you nearly hit him because you werent expecting him in the morning)

-After scaring you a bit on accident, he calmly apologized. Trying his best to explain how he didn’t realize how badly his attitude was messing with the relationship, and how sleeping alone helped him notice.

-After a few stubborn hugs, you forgave him, and apologized for having a short temper as well.

-In the future, he always tried his best to never let it escalate to that nature again.


ヾ(。・ω・)シ Feel free to send in some more!

Lunch Break

Rated: G

Summary: Sally has a feeling that Larry isn’t okay so he cheers him up.

Relationship(s): Sal x Larry

Warning(s): slight ableism,underage smoking

—-

Sally looked at the clocked hanging above the chalkboard as his teacher rambled on about something that Sal wasn’t interested in.

He couldn’t wait until luch since him and his friends got to hang out with each other and take a break from work for a little while.

Since Larry was a junior and Sally was a freshman they didn’t see each other in school often. The only time they did see each other was when they stood by their locker and talked for a little bit before the late bell rang, or when they walked each other to class.

Sally was glad when the bell finally rang;he gathered his things and the algebra homework the teacher passed out, then walked straight out of the classroom.

Sally always liked being the first one out of class so he wouldn’t be bumped or shoued at him for dare not moving fast enough.

Luckily Sally had a locker near the end of the hallway,away from people he liked pretending didn’t exist for a few minutes. He walked to his locker and was kind of surprised that Larry wasn’t waiting for him there.

Usually his boyfriend would wait by his locker so they could walk to the cafeteria together.

He’s probably wanted to be the first one in line.’ Sally thought,he shrugged it off,not wanting to make a big deal about it.

He turned the code to his padlock, replacing his algebra supplies for his biology textbook and binder. Heading to the cafeteria to meet his friends.
—-
The cafeteria was busy like it normally was,students in line for the mediocre food the lunch ladies served them,and the sound of students talking to each other fill the cafeteria.

Ashley, Todd, and Chug were sitting at the table they normally sat at during lunch.

Ashley and Chug were talking to each other and Todd was reading a text book, writing on a piece of paper as he did his homework his teacher assigned for the weekend. Sometimes looking up from his work to join the conversation.

“Hey guys!” Sally said, waving at his friends.

“Hey Sally!” They greeted back.

“So,what were you guys talking about?“Sally asked,setting his books down and sitting next to Ashley.

“Plans for the weekend. After I finished my homework we could go to the arcade.It won’t take long,it’s pretty easy,” Todd said

“Plus I’m having a movie marathon at my place tomorrow! You guys can bring some of your movies over and there’s going to be soda pizza,ice cream,popcorn and it’s going to be hella fun!” Ashley told him.

“Plus,Cookies and Cream are going to be over my cousins house so you can totally come Sally!” She added,smiling at him.

“That’s sound fun! I would love to come over Ash!” Sally said,grinning widely behind his prosthetic. After he confessed his feelings for her a few months ago,she had let him down gently because she told him she was a lesbian.But after the confession the two of them became really good friends.


“I really want to show you guys ‘Attack of The Mutant Ants’ it’s a movie from the 50s. The plot doesn’t make sense but I find it quite interesting.” Todd told him,adjusting
his glasses.

“I’m gonna bring ‘Jake Quill: The Intergalactic Space Cop’ It’s my favorite movie!” Chug told them.

“Ooooo! Sally!Remember that movie you and Larry were dying to see?Something about a punk rock band having to find each other in the zombie apocalypse to use magic to defeat them,”

“You mean ‘The age of zombie Rock-calyspe?’ ”

“Yeah! That’s it!” My friend snuck into the theater and bootlegged it for me to so now we can watch it this weekend!“

Sally gasped exuberantly, he could just scream. He and Larry wanted to see that movie for months but it was rated NC-17. But now Ashley had the DVD at her house and Sally honestly wanted to cry tears of joy.

“Ashley you’re the second coolest I know!” Sally said, hugging her.

“You’re welcome Sally Face…” Ashley giggled, patting him on top of his head.

“Hey,what do you mean by second coolest? Who’s first?” Ashley asked.

“Well me obviously!” Sally answered in mock irritation,rolling his eyes at her about how clueless she was to this fact.

Ashley giggled,“Of course you are Sal. You’re the coolest person I know.” She said sarcastically.

“Hey! Leave the sarcastic remarks to me!” Sally said in mock irritation, playfully glaring at her. Todd and Chug were laughing at their banter.

Now that Ashley mentioned Larry…

“By the way, have you guys seen Larry? I thought he was getting lunch but he hasn’t showed up yet.” Sally asked.

Todd, Ashley, and Chug shook their heads.

“We haven’t seen him in here at all. We thought you knew.” Chug told him.

Huh? That’s strange’ Sally thought;he knew Larry was here. They walked to school together and Larry was in a good mood when they talked to each other while Sal had gotten his stuff for third period.

Something didn’t feel right. Sure, he could of wait until school was over so he didn’t have to go on a goose chase to talk to his boyfriend, but something was telling him to go find Larry to see if he was okay anyway.

“I’m going to find him to see if he’s okay.” Sally said,getting up from the table.

“I’ll be right back! See you guys later!”

—-

Larry wasn’t in his art class, which was strange since it was his most favorite subject in school. If he wasn’t in the cafeteria he was usually hanging out with the teacher or other students that were their during lunch.

If he wasn’t there there was only one place left he could be since he didn’t like school or half of his classes anyway.
—-

Since there usually wasn’t anyone outside during, lunch,he and Larry liked to come outside under the bleachers when they wanted to by themselves or with each other. Sometimes Larry also came out here to smoke to relieve some stress for whatever bothered him or pissed him off.

And just as Sally suspected Larry was outside under the bleachers with a lit cigarette between his lips. Looking slightly agitated as he was lost in his thoughts.

“Hey Lar,” Sally greeted,his voice was quiet so he wouldn’t startle him. Larry was brought back to reality as he recognized the sound of his voice. A small smile appearing on his face as he looked at Sally.

Larry blew out the smoke, holding the cigarette between his fingers.

“Hey…” He responded.

“Rough day huh?” Sally said, pointing at his cigarette.

“I guess you can say that…” He replied.

“Well…me,Todd, Ashley, and Chug were wondering where you were and I wanted to see if you were okay. But if you want to be alone that’s fine too.”

“Nah dude, it’s cool. You can stay. I’m always glad to see you, baby blue.” Larry said,smiling at him.Sally was smiling back behind his prosthetic, happy to know that his appearance appreciated. Sally went under the bleachers to stand next to him.

“So…what’s wrong? You wanna talk about it?”

Larry sinply nodded.He took a long a drag of his cigarette,turning his head to puff out the smoke instead of Sal’s direction. Dropping it in the grass, putting out the butt with his feet.

“I got detention.” Larry told him.

“Really? What happened?”

“I went to the bathroom during art and some assholes hanging out in the bathroom started talking shit. I snapped and I punched the prick. Then a teacher came just in time to see me hit him and not how they started it.” Larry told him,trying not to smirk.

He remembered how he took a swing at the guy so hard he fell to the groundw hile his friend and him looked so shocked that a thin,scrawny teen like him could hit so hard.

He wasn’t lying about what he told Sally about why he got detention in the first place at all. But he did leave out the part where he only punched the student for talking shit about Sally. Sally was a well mannered, laid back,and polite person who has always been by Larry’s side to help him with his friends with whatever they needed.

But some people in their school would just judge him about how he had earrings,liked wearing nail polish, or that he wore pigtails. Taking that as reasons alone to judge Sally for his character.

Sure Sally didn’t care half the time about what they said but that didn’t mean a few things didn’t bother him. Sally was really sensitive about his prosthetic and his face. He remembered when Sally started school he told him heard some girls whisper about his prosthetic and how creepy he was… how hideous he must look under it.

Larry told him that he shouldn’t listen to them and that he was a cool person. Sally seemed to feel a little better but he could still tell that their words still hurt him.

The two boys insulted and laughed at Larry’s appearance. Larry was upset and annoyed at them but he didn’t do anything about it and was about to walk out…until they brought up Sally.

“You know that pigtail freak he hangs out with? I would fucked him but whoever made it wear that dumb ass mask already beat me too it.”

And they laughed. They thought Sally’s trauma and reason for him wearing a prosthetic were funny.

So of course he immediately gotten livid and swung at him. He didn’t care about what people said or did to him but do not mock or harass his friends.

Sally was a good person that didn’t need to be this highschools target.He didn’t want Sally to feel bad worrying about what the two guys in the bathroom said.

He wasn’t mad that he got detention. He was mad that they had the gull to joke about Sally like that.

So that’s why Larry was upset…’ Sally thought, he would be mad too having bullies pick on you and being the victim then having a teacher catch you as the aggressor for finally snapping and fighting them back.

“Fuck those assholes Larry! I know it sucks to have people say shit about you sometimes but if there’s any consolation,you’re a really cool and amazing guy that I’ll always be glad to have as my best friend.. and I think really handsome too.”

Larry felt his lips curve up into a smile;his eyes glinted with love as he gazed at the other teen. He always appreciated Sally. Whenever he was upset or sad Sally was their to listen and cheer him up to the best of his abilities.

Larry hugged him,holding him tightly.

“I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Larry murmured,Larry loved Sally with all his heart. He would even die for Sally if he had to.

Sally hugged him back, they both told each other this a thousand times but that didn’t mean it didn’t stop Sal’s heart from swelling up with joy every time.

“I love you too Lar Lar.” Sally said,beaming behind his prosthetic. Sally really did loved Larry with all his heart. Larry was his first real friend when he moved here and they’ve been through so much together that it was hard for Larry to not mean the world to him.

“And hey, maybe we can convince them to go to Addison Apartments and let Megan scare them!” Sally joked.

Larry snickered a little,releasing him from the embrace.

“What if he dies from shock? Then we’ll have to deal with him haunting us for eternity.” Larry said, smiling in amusement.

“That’s why I have a plan B Lar Lar! You can tell me what they look like so we could jump them after school!” Sally said,he was half joking about jumping him but he really did want to fight the guy for messing with Larry.

“He was a bit taller though. Probably a sophomore or senior I think.”

“So!? I may be short but I can bite the shit out of his ankles if I need to!”

Larry bursted out laughing.Finding Larry’s laughter contagious Sally started laughing too. Larry grinned showing off his crooked teeth and one of missing tooth and it was so cute. Sally loved making him laugh and smile.

“You’re gonna be known the as the guy who gnawed a guy’s ankle off you chihuahua!” Larry laughed.

“I know! I could pee on their leg like a dog too to show commitment to the chihuahua thing!” Sally says,snorting in laughter.

“Ew! Gross dude!” Larry said but was still laughing anyway.

“You better give me some dog treats for service! Not the cheap stuff but the high quality, expensive ones!”

Larry snickered,“Only the best for my chihuahua,” He said,ruffling his hair a little bit.

“You’re damn right!” Sally said, chuckling,fixing his hair after he ruffled it.

After their laughter died down Larry patted down his pockets to find out that what he was looking for wasn’t there

“Damn. I left my gum in my locker. And I really want to kiss you right now baby blue.”

“And I really want to kiss you too Lar Lar,but your breath smells like death.” Sally teased,lifting up the side of his prosthetic to kiss his cheek.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait until you’re out of detention.” Sally said,only kissing the side of his mouth.

Larry sighed,slightly disappointed that he couldn’t kiss his boyfriend because of his cigarette breath.

“That’s gonna take forever… but it’s gonna be worth it.” Larry took his hand then kissed it tenderly,making Sally blush.

“God you’re such a sap…” Sally said, but he loved it.

He put his prosthetic back down and then the two teen just stood there for awhile.

Larry’s arm was wrapped around his shoulder and Sally resting his head on his shoulder.

They didn’t need to talk,just enjoying each other’s presence was a good way to hang out with each other. It was nice.

“We should probably get back inside, I think there’s only a few minutes until lunch is over.” Sally told him.

“Ugh, I guess so…” Larry grumbled, he would really liked to spend his time with Sally than go back to his class. He wanted to ask if he wanted to skip class to hang out under the bleachers some more but he didn’t want Sally to get in trouble because of him.

Sally toke Larry’s hand in his.

“Ready to go back into this hellhole?” Sally asked.

Larry snickered, “No,but might as well get it over with.” Larry answered, squeezing Sally’s hand.

They both walked hand in hand towards the building. Larry was undoubtedly in a much more better mood than he was earlier and it was all thanks to Sally.

“Hey, Sally Face?”

“Yes, Larry Face?”

“You’re a pretty great boyfriend dude.” Larry said,kissing the side of his head,smiling at Sally.

“And you’re a pretty great one too,” Sally said,smiling back at Larry behind his prosthetic.

~~~~~

Authors Note:

I couldn’t think of a better title for this fic.

But thanks for reading this! I hope you enjoyed it!

Headcanons!:

•Cookies and Cream are Ashley’s pugs btw. I headcanon that she has a black one named Cookie and a white one named cream.

•I like the fan theory that a dog attacked Sal and after the incident Sally has cynophobia. So that’s why Ashley told Sally that her dogs are over her cousins house.

•I also headcanon that Sal doesn’t like the taste or smell of cigarettes and didn’t like kissing Larry after he smoked them.

Thanks for editing this for me @ceslatoil! ❤

Anyway reblogs with comments in the tags are always super appreciated!

Unfufilled Ships

A/N: Hey guys, so this one’s a bit personal. Believe it or not, it’s actually a situation that I’m in and it’s a really weird situation to be in. I hope you guys like this one, also, thank you so much for 236 followers

Prompt: You and Dan used to be in a ship together, and you found yourself falling for Dan. But then people started to ship him with one of your best friends.

Genre: kinda sad i think

Word Count: 1424 words

PART TWO

Your P.O.V

A few weeks ago, my friends were basically shouting in my ear to ask Dan out. You know, Dan? Dan Howell? Danisnotonfire. YouTube sensation, has about 5 million subscribers, known for being awkward. Yeah him. Anyways, Dan and I go way back, not actually, we met at the beginning of this year and my friends automatically shipped us together. Cool right? No. Not for me. As time went on the ship became weaker. And as the ship became weaker, I started to develop feelings for him. And these feelings just became stronger and stronger. I think i started to realize these feelings when the ship became weaker because of the fact that nobody was shoving the thought of us being together down my throat.

And now….. he’s shipped with someone else. And that someone else is actually one of my best friend’s, Olive. I mean, I shouldn’t have a problem with it right? It’s just a stupid little ship right? Wrong. Absolutely wrong. The fans are in on #Dalive. But that doesn’t give me the right to be jealous. What does give me the right to be jealous is when everybody talks about how cute they would be together and how they have to do everything together and how one of them has to grow some balls and muster up the courage to ask the other one out. And it seems that, that’s all they talk about, and its all they talk about around me.

And now, it feels like Olive might actually have a shot with Dan. Don’t get me wrong, i’d be happy for her if she did, but at the same time i’d feel so broken. When #Dalive became a thing, i always said to myself that if Olive had feelings for him, then i would back off, and now that i think about it, it doesn’t seem fair on me.

As i lay in bed, wallowing in my self pity, i hear my phone blasting ‘Girls’ by The 1975, notifying me of an incoming phone call. I look at the caller I.D to see that it’s one of my good friends, Jess.

“Hey Jess!” I say with fake enthusiasm

“Hey (y/n)! So, Olive and I were wondering if you wanted to come and watch a movie tonight? We really want you to come!” I contemplate it for a few seconds, and just as I was about to say yes, Jess quickly adds to her sentence. “Dan’s gonna be there…” and like that my mind had been changed. I’d rather save myself the embarrassment and heartbreak thank you very much.

“I uh, I can’t. I have no money till Tuesday.” I lied. I really didn’t want be there. How are they even getting Dan to go and hang out with them anyways? He hardly ever says yes when I ask him if he wants to come over and do something, he always says something along the lines of ‘but then I’d have to leave the house and I’m not prepared for that, but we can watch movies here if you like?’ I always end up saying no anyways and just sit there and do nothing.

“Are you sure? I can pay for you, you always buy me stuff. Please? I really don’t want to be a third wheel around them.” Jess sounded so desperate i almost said yes. But i didn’t

“Sorry Jess, but I can’t let you do that. I’ll see you sometime soon.”

“That’s okay, I’ll see if Ronnie can come. See ya (y/n)!” Jess says and then hangs up.

I decide to scroll through tumblr for a little bit when my phone chimes, indicating that I have a text message, from Dan? My heart beats a little bit faster seeing his name on my screen.

10:37am
From: Dan
To: (y/n)
Hey (y/n), Are you coming to watch a movie at the cinema tonight?

I was about to change my mind once again and say yes, because by the looks of that text, he might’ve wanted me to be there, but then I remembered, he’s my friend and probably just wants to know if I’m gonna be there or not

10:40am
From: (Y/n)
To: Dan
Hey Dan, no I’m not. I have no money until Tuesday. Jess offered to pay, but nah, I can’t.

10:42am
From: Dan
To: (Y/n)
Damn, I guess I’ll see you sometime soon then.

I lay in bed contemplating whether or not to show up, but then, If i went, it would seem and feel like everyone was dangling Dan in front of me, and there would be nothing i could do about it.

A few days later, I get a mysterious knock on my door. I groan and walk down stairs to the front door, to see Dan standing there, looking nervous

“Hey Dan, you okay?” I ask, concerned. He just looks around his surroundings and basically pushes himself into the apartment.

“I have to tell you something” He blurts out, saying his words faster than he usually would. I give him a look that basically says ‘come on then, tell me!’ He looks down at the ground nervously. My hearts beating faster with every second that’s passing. “Oh god, this is so hard for me to say.”

“Dan! Just say it already!” I yell, growing impatient and curious

“Okay! Okay, I like Olive, a lot. I like her more than a friend, and I don’t know what I should do. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in while, and its driving me crazy.” And like that, it felt like the world stopped and my heart shattered like glass. I feel like an idiot for ever thinking that I would ever have a shot with him.

“You like Olive? I KNEW IT!” I try and play it off like a friend that’s actually really happy for him. And I am, I am happy for him, I just, I’m heartbroken at the same time.

“Has it been that obvious?” He questions. No, it actually hasn’t. “Can you like, give me some advice or something? I don’t know what to do.”

“Here is what you do, Daniel. You tell her. Chances are she likes you back. And if she doesn’t, i have tubs of ice cream and a stack of DVD’s to help.” The ice cream and DVD’s are my personal pick-me-up food. It hasn’t helped, but it is a good excuse to eat a lot of ice cream and watch a lot of DVDs

“You’re right. I’ll give her a call right now.”

“Don’t call her! You have to tell her to her face! DO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT GIRLS?!”

“No, that’s why i came to you. You’re one of my best friends and i know you wouldn’t have acted weird when I told you I like Olive.” And now I know what kind of friend I am to him. I’m that friend that he will come to looking for advice, when he’s having trouble with girls. And when a girl breaks up with him, he’s gonna cry on my shoulder. I’m simply just his best friend, and that’s all I’ll ever be.

“Go over to her flat and tell her. If you don’t then I will. And i don’t think she’d be happy about that.” I smirk at Dan. He smiles and nods his head, bringing me into a huge intoxicating hug, whispering ‘thank-you’ over again in my ear.

And when he leaves, I sit down on the floor and think. I can’t cry, all I can do is think about how happy he looked when I said Olive will most probably like him back, which I know she does. I think about how happy they’re gonna be together.

If I really like him, or even love him, I want him to be happy right? Even if it’s not with me…. And i don’t know if I will ever be okay with it, but right now, I can at least accept it.

Mortification

(I wrote this in 2011. Mortifying events still occur. They’re part of being a writer.)

You never know how events will turn out. Sometimes 1000 people come, and sometimes no one does. There’s a book called Mortification in which published authors share book event stories that were, well, mortifying. Everyone has them. They are often painful at the time, but become great stories to share with other authors and laugh about later. They are valiant battle scars, like rejections.

Feel free to laugh at my pain, and know that I don’t share to complain. I know how lucky I am to be published at all and have the opportunity to have a book signing no one comes to!

Seven years ago, my very first out-of-my-homestate book event. I went to a regional trade show where booksellers from surrounding states came to learn about the latest releases. There was an evening signing, where my publisher supplied boxes of the goose girl to give away. Yes, that’s right, GIVE AWAY, and they were hardcovers, not even ARCs. Hopefully the booksellers would read this book and then want to order it for their store! Some booksellers came to my table and requested a copy. “Who do you want me to sign this to?” I asked. “Just a signature,” they said. The experienced novelist to my right whispered to me, “When they want a signature only, it means they’re going to resell it.” I didn’t know if that was true, but I became very aware that 90% of them wanted signature only. Long before the hour-long signing was over, my line was over. I smiled cordially but was really panicking. My first book! My baby! And I can’t even GIVE it away!

What did we learn? At book conferences, booksellers get lots of free books. They have to haul/ship them all home. It’s nothing personal, but they just can’t take them all.

Six years ago I am invited to speak at a large conference in another state. I arrive at the venue: an auditorium that seats 2000 people. Exactly 15 people come, most of whom are from my publisher, the rest are conference attendees I met and begged to come in case no one did. I give my talk. I want to die.

What did we learn? To take pictures! My only regret is not taking a photo of that huge room with thousands of empty seats and those few people in the two front rows smiling awkwardly. That would have been such a funny keepsake.

Five years ago, I fly to a far away state to do school visits. At the first school, no one seems to be expecting me or have any idea who I am. Eventually they put me in the library with a class of about 20 middle schoolers, who are mildly happy to be out of class and supremely uninterested in the random adult in front of them. The librarian introduces me, “Here’s Sharon Hall. She writes books.” He then goes over to the couch where he reads a magazine during my presentation. A few teachers on break gather nearby, speaking so loudly I have to ask them to please keep it down because the kids couldn’t hear me. Not that they really wanted to.

What did we learn? You don’t really matter, not that much.

Four years ago, I go on book tour. My publisher hires a car to take me from one city to another, where I am to do a presentation and signing at a bookstore. The car must be expensive. I am already feeling guilty. I hope I sell enough books to make it worth it for them! I arrive. There’s a picture of me on a poster in the window. I enter. There are no chairs set up for a talk. The embarrassed bookseller explains no one has come. She puts me in a chair by the door, where I sit for an hour as customers enter and try not to make eye contact with the leprotic author at the door. One woman comes to me to ask where the DVDs of Curious George are. I’m sorry, I don’t know. She sees the sign, realizes I’m a visiting author, and feeling sorry for me, sits in a chair facing me and talks to me about Curious George for 20 minutes. She doesn’t buy a book.

What did we learn? Well, this example was just one of many. 99% of authors have many such stories to tell. 

Three years ago, a holiday book signing at a local bookstore. In comes, oh let’s call him Alfred. “Alfred!” I cry, giving him a hug. He was a dear friend of mine and my husband’s in high school and I hadn’t seen him since. We exchange info. What am I doing? Mothering mostly, and I write books. He’s a middle school teacher and in fact has come to the store expressly to purchase a graphic novel good for middle schoolers. What luck! I normally am shy to promote my own books, but clearly he’ll be delighted with Rapunzel’s Revenge, a graphic novel perfect for middle schoolers, written by two old friends. He looks it over. He puts it back on the shelf. He doesn’t buy it.

What did we learn? Remember those fantasies about how one day you would show everyone you weren’t really a loser after all? They never come true.

Two years ago, a specialty bookstores invites me and Dean as well as another author to speak at an event. There’s a nice crowd of about 70 in the auditorium. The other author speaks first. We sit in the audience so we can see his slide show. He’s a cool author and we’re so pleased to be a part of it! We’re peers with this great, accomplished artist. Cool! But apparently he didn’t know anything about us, because at the end of the talk, he says, “And now I think we’re going upstairs to the gallery for a gallery talk.” He leaves. The audience stands up and follows him. Dean and I sit there, stunned. The organizer gapes, unsure what to do. I know what I’d like to do–RUN AWAY! But one girl and her father remain in the audience, apparently the only ones in the crowd who had expressly come for me and Dean. So we remain and give our presentation to two people. After a few minutes, three more people shuffle in. One of them later accuses me of stealing one of my book ideas from him, although I have never met him in my life.

What did we learn? I’m not sure, but whatever lesson I was supposed to have learned long ago I apparently didn’t, since such things keep happening.

This was just a random sampling of the common humiliations authors experience. What makes them hard is this expectation. Someone set up an event believing that I could make a go of it, and yet I couldn’t. I feel like I failed the bookstore, the school, my publisher, the organizer. But hey, surely I’m beautifully humbled by now, right? Yay! I am Miss Humility!

Under the cut you will find a MASSIVE MASTERLIST of potential post/gif starters (and also some comebacks that could be used in an already pending conversation) in case you’re in need of some. They were all found around the Internet, so I don’t have a direct link where I found them. So the credit goes to whoever came up with them. None of these are sorted out by gender, and they’re neither carved out for any specific characters, just so you know, but feel free to use or edit them as you like.

The masterlist will most likely be updated whenever I find more sentences for potential starters, but please like or reblog this post if you find this helpful.

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