sometimes i feel down

anonymous asked:

Hey I hope you're okay

Yeah I’m okay now. I just feel really down on myself sometimes. Comparing myself to other people and all that. I have so many ideas but I’m so easily distracted and I feel like I can never bring any of them to fruition. Good ol’ self doubt :/

@markiplier

There are many videous of Mark’s that I love. I can’t remember what the first one I watched was but the one I go back to the most is Markiplier sings with a puppy. Just sometimes when I’m feeling down or nothing at all, I watch that and all the similar videous like Playing dead with puppies or A Day/Year in the life of Markiplier. And they truly comfort me. There are other videous like Google Feud that I like cause it just makes me laugh myself stupid or Universe Sandbox cause it’s so inspirational. And I don’t even have to mention Markiplier Tv or A Date with Markiplier.

But in the end, this little video is closest to my heart.

for a lot of students, myself included, it can be really hard to figure out how to set goals! often, things like new year’s resolutions are made with the best of intentions, followed for a week, and then forgotten. here’s my personal step-by-step on setting and sticking to a goal!

  1. think about why you are setting this each goal. if you have a concrete reason, it’s much easier to remind yourself of that later and stay motivated.
  2. set realistic goals. if what you are trying to do is impossible, you simply can’t meet your goals, and you will become discouraged!
  3. make quantifiable goals. this is, in my opinion, the most important step! you need to be able to keep definite track of your progress. if your goal is just “smile more” or “be nicer,” how will you know that you are succeeding? however, if your goal is “smile at least 5 times a day” or “compliment my friends at least 3 times a week,” that’s something you can measure. if you have trouble coming up with these, check out my list of them here
  4. set a time limit. this isn’t applicable to all types of goals, but it’s important for some. if your goal is something that can be completed, like writing a novel or finishing an assignment, know when you want it done by, instead of just “someday.”
  5. break down your goal into smaller goals. “writing a book” is a daunting task, but if you have smaller, daily goals of “write 1000 words,” it becomes much less intimidating. it’s easier to hold yourself accountable. this also prevents procrastination, because if you are making regular progress, you can avoid doing it all right before the deadline.
  6. account for time. make sure to include goals in your schedule, especially if it’s something like “work out for half an hour every day.” set aside time to achieve your goals, otherwise you might find yourself scrambling.
  7. set reminders. sometimes the easiest way to not achieve a goal is to forget to complete it! i use phone alarms with a unique sound and a label, but sometimes all you need is a daily checklist.
  8. have a way to track progress. keep all your information about a goal in one spot, and don’t lose it! bullet journals, google docs, and printables are great for this. at the end of every day, consider: did you meet your goal for the day? write down the answer, and maybe a reason why. it’s a great way to hold yourself accountable.
  9. tell others. another way to hold yourself accountable is with a little help! personally, if i’m the only one who knows about my goal, i’m less likely to achieve it because if i fail, i don’t feel like i’m letting anyone down. sometimes that extra pressure is useful.
  10. reward success. sometimes success can be its own reward, but sometimes you need a little extra motivation. this is where having an outside party helping can come in handy: if you have a partner who you’re working with, they can reward you if and ONLY if you’ve achieved your goal! it might be hard to restrain yourself from taking the reward anyway if you’re the only one calling the shots, so having an outside voice of reason can be really useful.
  11. don’t let failure make you quit. sometimes, it takes a lot of work and a lot of tries to get something right. if it seems like you won’t get it on the first try, see if you can on your second.
  12. work hard! in the end, only you can get yourself there.

good luck with your goals, and feel free to add to this post if you have any other tips! if you end up using my method, tag me with #celestudial. you can do it!

6

Happy 56th Birthday to Michael J. Fox (June 9th, 1961)

“I really love being alive. I love my family and my work. I love the opportunity I have to do things. That’s what happiness is.”

listen y'all. i’m lazy. like “eats yogurt with a fork because i didn’t feel like washing a spoon” lazy. so, although no one asked, i made this post about how i lazily study languages! obviously this might not work for everyone, so experiment and find what works best for you (also i’m not a photographer so my pics kinda suck, sorry).

Keep reading

HAPPINESS in my bowl💛✨ sometimes, I have days were I feel empty, alone and really down. I don’t know why, but I do know that I am in full on control of how I choose to deal with those negative thoughts that try to creep into my mind and consume me. I can let them…or I can FIGHT BACK🌟
And by fight back I mean show myself some extra love, do the things that make my soul shine and surround myself with positivity.
For me, this means doing some yoga and stretching it going for a walk, spilling my thoughts onto paper and nourishing my body, mind + soul with some juicy, sweet fruit that never fails to brighten my spirits in some way🌻🌞🍉🍌 I’d love to hear what you do when you’re feeling down?
Sending love to each and every one of you❤️

IG: @naturally_nina_

Thinking of Blueprint being a Fusion/Combo and watching Mindful Education gave me this idea.

I think that maybe sometimes, when Ink and Blueberry are feeling down, their fusion (Blueprint) could fail. They both have their own problems and fears and, together, they have to face them so the fusion can be stable.

They just need to take a moment to think of just flexibility, love and trust (๑´`๑)♡

I am really bad at my native language. And I think fandom had a big part in that.

When I discovered fandom as a teen, I found it on German sites, in a language I easily understood. But there was limited content and people were talking about the big things beyond, the LJ communities, scanlation groups, fanfiction archives and deviantArt to name a few.

I taught myself English through a mix of school lessons and reading fanfics in one tab, a dictionary next to me and looking up words. I was fascinated by the fannish world I found online, and that world? Spoke English.

It didn’t stop at fanwork. I stopped reading German books. I stopped watching German TV or dubs. I stuck to English media because then I could jump right into the English fandom. I talked to fans globally and while we weren’t all English speakers by birth… We somehow all spoke English when we chatted. It was just the thing you do.

Somewhere along the way, my brain got used to this. I got into the habit of speaking English, thinking English. When I wrote my final thesis in German and had my sister proofread, she frowned at me. “These sentences use English grammar. They don’t make sense in German.” I had to rewrite about a third of my sentences because my brain couldn’t come up with German syntax anymore.

Last week, while chatting with coworkers I mentioned the bad luck I had with my kitchen. A coworker laughed. I hadn’t even realised that instead of Pech (German word for bad luck) I had used the literal translation “schlechtes Glück”. And it keeps happening. If I don’t pay attention, I answer in a jumble of English and German at work. My coworkers tease me about it a lot.

Sadly, this doesn’t mean my English is any better. I am scrambling for words there too and not making sense. It is like my brain can’t decide what it wants to do.

I don’t feel emotionally connected to my native language. But it feels weird, to stumble over your own words. It is like loosing your footing on a street you know by heart.

Disconcerting, but you catch yourself. Try again.

Like That

[listen to Like That by Bea Miller.]

The car ride is silent and the only sounds are the loud rain pouring on the car, and my fuming thoughts. Shawn looks out his window, a slight intoxication to him, and acts like everything is normal, but things aren’t. I can’t stand to be in the car with him. How can he act like things were normal when things weren’t?

Within a few minutes, we pull up to the house. Instead of waiting for the car to be shut off and the chauffeur opening the door for us, I unbuckle my belt and hop out of the car and walk towards the front door. The rain begins to soak me and I search for the spare key, but curse under my breath when I see that it’s not in its usual spot of being taped under the outdoor lamp. Shawn takes his time getting out of car and I know that he does that on purpose. I cross my arms under my chest and feel goosebumps forming on my skin and my teeth begin to chatter.

The car door opens and out walks Shawn, the keys tossed up and down in his right hand as his left hand is in the pocket of his pants. By now I’m fully soaked and Shawn is on his way to being soaked by how slow he walks.

“Are you in a rush?” Shawn asks as he begins to unlock the front door. I don’t reply. He chuckles and then as soon as the door is open, I walk right in and head into the house.

My heels make noise, but I remove them and begin to walk towards the kitchen. The door closes and Shawn’s voice echoes through the hall, “So you’re mad at me now, huh?”

After finding nothing to eat, I opt to just go upstairs and call it a night. I walk back towards the front of the hall and see Shawn hang up his jacket.

“Silent treatment tonight?” Shawn asks me. I ignore him and head up the stairs to the bedroom. I hear his footsteps follow me and I prepare myself for whatever it is he’s going to do to try and get himself out of trouble.

“What did I do this time?” He asks. I walk to the vanity mirror and take a seat and begin to remove my jewelry and makeup from the night. I see his reflection in the mirror and he leans against the doorway.

The white shirt he wore for the night clings onto his torso and the shadow of his abs is prominent. I watch through the reflection as he slowly unbuttons the top buttons of his shirt as he removes his black tie.

“Wanna tell me what I did?” Shawn asks.

“I can tell you what you didn’t do. That’d be less time.” I reply.

“Was it about tonight?”
“Not just tonight. It’s almost every night.”

“Ali, what am I doing here? What am I doing wrong?” Shawn asks as he begins to walk closer. I turn around in my seat and point at him.

“You know exactly what you do! You hide our relationship and it makes me look like a fucking groupie! Just say it, Shawn, say to everyone that I’m you’re girlfriend and you’re not fucking some model or other celebrity.” I say.

Shawn puts his hands at his hips and shakes his head, a laugh emitting from his lips, and he lets out a deep sigh. “This again? We come back to this again, huh?”

“Yes, Shawn, we’re back here. Again. And we wouldn’t need to be back here again if you…”

“If I what, Ali?” He asks as he raises his voice slightly. “Tell me how can I prevent this silent treatment that you give me? Because you know there is nothing I would love more than to know what the fuck is making you act this way.”

“Like that!” I raise my voice as I stand up. “It’s when you treat me like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m dumb! Like I’m the one who just loves to start fights! Like I’m not your girlfriend! Like I’m just…not important to you.”

“So we’re doing this again?” He asks. Shawn turns around and places a hand at his forehead.

“Perfect example. You make me feel like I’m not important. Like the words I say aren’t important. Like - you know what? What’s the point? You’re just gonna direct this back to dumb questions.” I walk past him and head down the stairs.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not everything he wants me to be. I head into the kitchen and rummage through the cabinets in search for a headache reliever. I grab the bottle of pills, open it, swallow a pill, close the bottle, place it back, and then pour myself a glass of water. I stand in front of the sink and sip my water as the moonlight slips through the window.

From behind, I can feel Shawn’s presence in the room. I place my glass in the sink and stare out the window. I hear his steps coming closer and eventually he’s behind me. I drop my head and close my eyes. His arm snaked around my waist and I felt my breath hitch. He felt it too.

Shawn pushes my hair behind my shoulder and tucks a strand behind my ear. He brings his mouth by my ear and as he licks his bottom lip, he licks a bit of my ear. “So what do you want from me?”

It’s a simple question. One that usually gets a rise out of me in arguments, but with his tone, and the grip he had on me, it made me shiver. I feel a drip of water fall from his hair and it lands on my right collarbone. Shawn places his right hand at my right wrist.

“Alley cat?” He calls me by his nickname for me. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Oh,” I scoff, “you finally want to listen?” I turn around and am now facing him. His grips on my waist and wrist remain, but now I’m looking into his eyes that look a different color due to the moonlight. His usual curly mop of hair are no more, but instead wet strands that have framed his face.

“Yeah, I wanna listen.” Shawn says with a serious gaze.

I roll my eyes and place my hand on his chest to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. My hand remains on his chest, and I glance from my hand to his eyes. The rain continued outside and I take notice of how the white shirt clung to his body perfectly. I find myself debating on wanting to unbutton his shirt and wanting to stand my ground and not fall into temptation.

“What’s the matter?” Shawn asks as he takes note of how silent I’m being. “Cat got your tongue?”

My chest rises and I find myself pressing my lips onto his in a heartbeat. He lets go of my wrist and picks me up by my waist and places me on the sink counter. I wrap my legs around him as I place my hands in his hair. His tongue runs over my bottom lip and I open my mouth, gasping as he slithers his tongue inside.

His hand goes to the back of my dress and he unzips it. I enjoy the feeling of his lips on mine, his tongue on mine, as he slowly began to pull the sleeves of the dress down my arm. I remove my hands from his hair, and eventually break the kiss as he removes the top of my dress. I lick my bottom lip, biting it, as I place my hands on the collar of his shirt and pull him close to me again. Our lips attack one another once more and he lifts me off the sink and turns me around to the kitchen island.

I moan into the kiss as I begin to unbutton the rest of his shirt. Shawn’s hand goes in between my thighs and I gasp. With my mouth open, he gnaws on my bottom lip and it makes me moan.

“Shawn,” I moan. He smirks and kisses me before placing his other hand under my dress. I feel him removing my underwear and it dangles at my ankles. I kick off the fabric and break the kiss to unbutton his shirt. Shawn, not wanting to kill the vibe, kissed at my neck. My heart fluttered at the feeling of him gently and teasingly kissing at my neck. He occasionally would bite at the skin and it would make me pant.

The shirt is unbuttoned and Shawn pulls back and I look him in the eyes. He smirks and I remove the shirt from his torso. The fabric clung to his skin and was slowly tugged off his arms. I place my hands on his arms, open my legs, and pull him close to me.

Shawn’s hands go to my thighs as we continue to kiss one another. He removes his lips from mine and kisses at my neck and down to my collar bones. My hand is at his shoulder, the other at the back of his hair.

I hear the noise of his belt buckle and then the sound of his zipper coming down. I bite at his ear and he lets out a raspy moan.

Shawn detaches his lips from my neck and kisses my lips gently before placing a hand at my lower back and bringing my body closer to him.

“Shawn,” I pant at the feeling of him separating my legs with his body. Slowly, he slides inside me. I bite on my lip and rest my forehead at his shoulder as she continued to slide all the way in.

“Oh, fuck,” Shawn curses. I gently bite on his shoulder and he lets out a low moan.

He grabs me by the waist and it takes me by surprise when he carefully and gently, still inside me, takes us onto the floor. Shawn places me on my back and then pulls out, only to thrust all the way inside me again.

It makes my body twitch and my breath to hitch. I go to touch him, but with one hand, he holds my wrists above my head and pins them to the floor. With his other hand, Shawn holds onto my right thigh and pulls out halfway and then slams back inside me.

“Shawn,” I moan his name. A roar of thunder and a flash of lightning are seen and heard through the window. The lightning lights up the kitchen and it allows me to see Shawn’s intense gaze that made me shiver.

I feel him in my stomach and he continues to roll his body into me. My moans are heard throughout the kitchen and Shawn begins to lowly grunt with each thrust.

“God,” he grunts, “you feel so good.”
“Shawn,” I pant.

He lets go of my thigh and then holds a wrist in each hand. My hands are still pinned to the floor under his touch, but instead of being above my head, they’re by my shoulders. Shawn looks me in the eyes as he pulls out, and then slowly rolls back in. I arch my back and wrap my legs tighter around him and he brings his head down and kisses my lips.

I want to run my fingers through his hair, tug at the strands, and even touch him, but all I can do is touch his fingers.

“Shawn, Shawn,” I pant. His lips continue to kiss mine and I close my eyes at the feeling of him inside me.

Shawn releases my hands and I instantly place my hands in his hair. I begin to tug at it and then trail my left hand down to his shoulder and claw at his skin.

He feels good.

His skin is warm against mine, even though we were caught up in the rain, and he still smells intoxicating. I throw my head back at his thrusts and my head lands on the back of his forearm. Shawn takes me by surprise and pulls at my hair, making me moan louder. My moan echoes off the kitchen wall and I listen to Shawn’s grunts and pants.

“Sh-Shawn.” I moan. “Don’t, don’t stop.”

He slowly pulls out all the way and I look at him. There’s another bolt of lightning that lasts a couple of seconds and I look at Shawn. He looked hauntingly breathtaking. As I was admiring him, he takes me by surprise and begins to rub the head of his hard erection onto my clit. My body jolts in surprise and at the action.

“Shawn,” I moan. “Oh, fuck!”

“Does that feel good?” Shawn asks me.

“Uh huh.”
“Tell me what you like.”

“I li-like that.” I pant. He continued to run his head against my clit, but slower and a bit rougher. I sink my teeth onto my bottom lip as I quiver at his actions.

“Tell me what you want.” Shawn says.
“You.” I say.

The teasing stops and he slowly slides back inside me. I go to wrap my legs around his waist, but Shawn takes me by surprise and hitches my left leg over his shoulder. He’s now deeper inside me and I open my mouth to moan, but am silent.

“Say my name.” Shawn demands, knowing full well that when we’re in this position I can’t find my voice.

“Sh,” my voice is a raspy pant. “Oh, fuck.”

“Fuck, you feel good.” Shawn grunts as he thrusts harder.
“Shawn, I’m gonna -”

“No you’re not.” He says. Shawn places a hand at my neck and applies pressure with his thumb. I bite my lower lip as he applies more pressure and feel myself ready to cum.

“Shawn.” I say in a raspy voice.
“Not yet.” He replies. Shawn starts to thrust slower, in a grinding fashion, and it throws me over the edge.

“Shawn,”
“Did I tell you to cum?” He asks.

I try my hardest to hold it, but can’t. “Fuck!” I reach my orgasm and moan loudly, almost close to a scream, but his hand is still at my neck.

Shawn picks up the pace and I feel him go deeper in my stomach. I moan louder as he releases his hand from my neck and instead places it on my waist. He pins me down to the floor and continues to thrust into me.

“Oh, baby, fuck!” Shawn moans. He pulls out just in time and I feel him shoot out on my inner thigh.

Shawn spreads my legs open with his hand and with two fingers, he wipes up his cum from my thigh and brings it to my mouth.

“Open.” Shawn says. I open my mouth and suck on his fingers and swallow the cum. “Good girl.”

He leans down and kisses my lips, his tongue gently running over mine. He pulls back and tugs at my bottom lip before kissing at my neck.

Shawn looks at me and smirks, “Now I like that.”

Today I was able to run a bunch of errands and I got myself 3 new boy shirts. I say boy shirts because I’m small and I have to shop in the kids section haha. I’m really happy with them 😁 afterwards I finished my college homework pretty early so I was able to go to the gym. No pain no gain right? I hope I keep up with the gym so I can bulk up.

I’m still waiting on my binder but I barely bought it on Friday and it doesn’t ship over the weekend. I’m super stoked that I’m taking the first steps into transitioning but I’m also really nervous. I feel like I am walking into this pretty blindly but it’s not something that has any rules or guidelines.

So yeah, have a selfie, ignore it and have a goodnight :)

The Scorpio Races music competition AU: for years, boys on Thisby have been entering the contest, competing for glory, recognition, and cash prizes. Sean Kendrick is a five-time winner, and though some credit his wins to his prized electric guitar (actually owned by music shop proprietor and ruler of the music business on Thisby, Benjamin Malvern), anyone to see Sean with his guitar up close can see that it’s truly his talent that brings him first prize every year.

This year, Kate “Puck” Connolly is making history by being not only the first girl to enter the competition, in spite of protests from some of the men, but by being the first person to play acoustically, using the old family guitar. Puck needs the prize money to keep the house; Sean needs the money to finally be able to buy his beloved guitar and get out from under Malvern’s thumb. But only one of them can win…