sometimes i do things when i'm alone that i'm not proud of

Dating Jonathan Byers Would Include


  • Photos. Let’s just get this out of the way here and now.
    • Photos of you, photos of the two of you, photos of you with his family –
    • According to Jonathan, there can never be enough photos of you
      • Well, he never outright says it, but you can assume such from his actions
    • Depending on how you are with getting your photos taken, there can be a mix of what kinds of pictures of you Jonathan has an abundance of
    • If you enjoy it, you model and pose quite a lot. There’s plenty of goofy pictures of you that were done to make him laugh
    • If you detest it, he tries to respect your wishes. Honestly, he does. But sometimes you just look so beautiful and natural and that profile of yours looks so right in this lighting and just –
      • *click* “… Did you just take a picture of me?” “I’m sorry..!!”
  • Meeting *because* of said profile looking great in lighting
    • You were honestly probably just getting some reading done while walking to your car/the bus/however you get to and from school. Jonathan happened to look your way, saw you, and became incredibly smitten
    • Normally he’d just take the picture he wanted with or without the subject’s awareness and move on with his day. With you, however… He felt different about doing that. Almost ashamed in himself if he did it without your awareness, or even permission
    • Nancy looks in the direction Jonathan has been staring at for nearly an entire minute and immediately knows what’s going on, suggesting that Jonathan just go talk you
    • Of course, Precious Picture-Taker™ is too shy to do it, so Nancy tries another route: Gently pushing him towards you until he’s about halfway to where you are
    • He was about to give up and walk away but you looked back at him just before he could. Poor soul froze and could feel his heart beating so fast it felt like it was encased in ice. Meanwhile, his face was growing warmer by the second
  • Jonathan was incredibly tongue-tied when you asked if you could help him. Nancy had to step in and say he was doing a senior project for photography and that you seemed to fit the criteria he’d told her about
    • His face said “What?”, his eyes said “Panic!”, but his heart said “Thank you, St. Nancy.”
      • After you two became a couple, you would occasionally tease him about how shy and cute he was being over “little ole you”
  • Him making you breakfast
    • It’s already a part of his regular routine, so if you spend the night at the Byer household or arrive there in the morning on the weekends or even school day, you can trust that there will be a fourth plate laid out and stacked with food for you
    • If he goes to pick you up in the morning to go to school, he packs you a bag with a breakfast burrito or breakfast sandwich
  • Being involved in a two-headed mother hen of a relationship
    • You’re protective of your lanky prince, always trying to get him to sleep more, making sure he’s dressed warmly in winter when he goes out to take pictures
      • You’ve stood up to many bullies and unsavory people on his behalf, much to his dismay (and much to his poor heart’s horror)
      • This includes his father, whom we will discuss later
    • Jonathan, however, is virtually the same with you. In fact, he might even be even more of a mother hen!
      • If you’re begging him to put on gloves and a scarf, he’s darn-well making certain that you’re doing exactly that – even when it’s not that cold out
        • God help you if you sneeze …
      • He carries a mini first-aid kit in the glove box of his car not long after you two begin dating, which he’s glad to have done after you once got a splinter during a walk
      • You’re pretty sure he just plain likes feeding you because even beyond packing you breakfasts (which he makes because he thinks you aren’t being healthy enough), he’s always offering you snacks or has some on standby
      • Jonathan isn’t a confrontational person, but he will throw fists if somebody speaks ill of you
        • (To be honest, as upset as it makes you to see him hurt, you need to admit that there’s something attractive about seeing him get animalistic
      • Clarification: Jonathan is definitely the bigger mother hen
  • Developing a big sis-type relationship with Will and his friends
    • You learn a bit about Dungeons and Dragons for his sake before realizing it’s pretty fun. You want to join the group at some point, and agree to do so after Mike’s current campaign is over so that you don’t feel like you’re intruding
    • You inherently become protective of Will and make it your vow to mess up anyone who dares mess with him
      • Jonathan quietly appreciates this
  • Joyce adoring you and always ready to save a spot for you at the dinner table. The Byers household ultimately becomes your home away from home
    • She’s just so happy that her eldest son not only has a significant other, but one who treats him properly and embraces his oft ridiculed characteristics
    • (However, if you spend the night or anything, she still would prefer his bedroom door stay open. Just an involved mother’s preference)
    • She always makes sure you go home with a plate of something
      • Since Jonathan is the photographer, there aren’t too many photos with which she can embarrass him with – doesn’t mean that there aren’t any at all, though
  • The first time you meet Jonathan and Will’s deadbeat father, you try to hold your tongue. However, the keyword here is “try” because you ultimately failed
    • The moment that bastard uttered a single word about Joyce and/or her boys, you were hot as a studio light
    • You were cussing and screaming and calling out as though you were getting paid for it, growing hot in the face
    • Meanwhile, Jonathan stood there for a few moments, completely gobsmacked: Even when faced with ridicule back in Hawkins, he’d never seen you so pissed
      • When he finally comes back to reality, however, his instincts kick in and he gently ushers you away.
      • He can’t tell why his face is red: It’s not embarrassment, he decides, but maybe it’s a little closer to shock, pride, and … excitement?
  • Double dates with Nancy and Steve
  • Nobody telling you about the Upside Down or anything that happened until at least a year into the relationship
    • You’re not exactly upset that such information was withheld. How could you be when you’re too busy being horrified at the trauma everyone has surely gone through
    • As a result, you become a lot more affectionate towards Jonathan, always nervous that somewhere deep down he’s still very much frightened over his experiences. Speaking of affection, though …
  • PDA being a very quiet, tame thing between you two
    • Jonathan, being the closed off person that he is, isn’t necessarily going out of his way to show PDA in the way that most of your peers are.
    • At most, he’ll peck you on the lips or hold your hand. But in every peck and every hand-holding moment, you can feel the growing love he has for you, never allowing you to doubt his intentions even once
  • In private, Jonathan still exhibits slight hesitancy to show bigger, more emphasized forms of affection towards you, often fidgeting when you two are sitting together and watching a movie
    • He may need some encouragement or a clear sentence where you consent to him wrapping an arm around your shoulders
    • Once you get him cuddling, though, Jonny’s as comfy as a kitten in a sun spot.
      • Nothing will stop him from nuzzling you and quietly sighing with content
      • The boy loves neck kisses, giving or receiving. He won’t do the former as often due to his shyness, however. But you rarely let this stop you from placing a quick peck on his own neck to receive a slight shutter or him turning his blushing face elsewhere
  • Jonathan can’t help but feel like any nickname he gives you sounds awkward falling from his mouth.
    • At most, he’ll call you “sweetie” or “honey” but he often winds up sounding so unsure or clumsy about it that you can’t help but giggle about it
    • You, however, go nuts with naming him things and he doesn’t seem to mind: Jon-Jon, Jonny, Jon Boy, Jo-Jo, Baby, My Tired Puppy, Jon-Bon, Stieglitz, Picture Perfect, etc. (After 1983, you begin referring to him as Jon Bon Jovi sometimes)
  • Blasting The Clash from his room when you’re over or when it comes on the radio in the car
  • Jonathan becoming so used to your bizarre comments and conversation topics that he’s barely phased by them anymore
    • He plays along with them, even offering genuine input when you ask for it
    • He never wants you to feel like you’re too strange or your thoughts are invalid – he knows that feeling all too well and would never wish that on anyone he cares about
    • As such, he invests himself into every conversation you have, even if he may not have any real thoughts on the subject matter. But if it’s important to you, then he at least needs to make an effort
  • Helping him prepare his portfolio for his NYU application
    • Jonathan was honestly a little nervous about telling you that his dream school was NYU – most wouldn’t imagine a shy, quiet guy from a town like Hawkins to be able to make it out of the neighboring cities, let alone to such a prestigious school in a big city.
    • His little heart did an entire gymnastics routine of shock and complete glee when, after he told you, you gained expression on your face and told him that you needed to start immediately to create the perfect portfolio
    • In the end, a great portion of the photos wind up including you in them or some aspect of you or something Jonathan later admits he finds symbolic of you
    • You want to ask him why, but you kind of already know: You’re his muse, simple as that
  • Enjoying just that: Life with Jonathan (when it’s not involving the Upside Down or whatever else is out there) is simple.
    • Not in a bad way, but in a sweet way, the kind of way that makes you think of cute diner dates on Friday evenings, walks for ideas for photos on Saturdays, baked pies for Sunday dinners.
    • The sweet feeling of holding hands as you walk down Main Street, making idle chitchat
    • Life with Jonathan feels like you’re eternally wrapped in one of his sweaters – which, much of the time, is plenty true
  • Always being so proud of him and knowing that you two are a team, be it for fighting against the supernatural odds, or for fighting against the more difficult parts of reality
    • He’s your weary-eyed prince, you’re his knuckle-bearing, fire-tongued princess
Bad Thoughts

Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader (as friends)

Warnings: angst, overthinking, fluff, minor swearing

Request: ‘Hi. I was wondering if you would mind writing a Bucky/Reader imagine where the reader does her best to be there for him and help him whenever he feels down , actually she herself is really insecure.She thinks she is weak, stupid and worthless,and some of her “friends” makes her feel worse because they always have something bad to say about her, but they always claim they just trying to “help” her be a better person. And usually she hides how bad she feels but one day she just breaks down’

Note: I’m sorry if it didn’t live up to what you expected, and sorry for it getting so long! English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes. 

Word count: 2342 (I don’t know what happened) 

(not my gif, found it on google. credit to who made it!)

Bucky scooped more ice cream on his spoon, trying not to drop it. You were sitting next to him, assigned to ‘take care of him’. After he was “released” from H.Y.D.R.A., S.H.I.E.L.D. had given you the task of making sure Bucky returned to his old self. At first you had laughed and said “That’s impossible.” But when your bosses kept a straight face, you knew that they were not kidding. Of course, everyone knew that brining him back to his own self was actually impossible after what he had been through, but still, they wanted to try. You had been so angry in the start, which was understandable. As one of the best agents in S.H.I.E.L.D., getting the job of ‘taking care’ of some man, wasn’t what one expected. But when you had met the man, James Buchanan Barnes, you came to think that maybe this task of taking care of him was much bigger than you thought at first. What first caught your attention was that he was wearing a glove on one of his hands and not the other. It had been rather hot at the time, so that he was wearing a long sleeved shirt, made you even more suspicious. Of course you had been handed a load of information on him, but after the first 5 lines you gave up. There was so much about him; you didn’t even know what to think. After noticing the glove, you looked up at him. He was quite handsome to be honest. But the longer you looked at him, the sadder it became. Small scars over his face, pained eyes, how he was always lightly shaking. That made you think; maybe you should have read the information on him?

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Highway (Part 6)

Originally posted by enjoy-the-life-baby

Summary: There’s a charming man that enters the diner like he owns the place, like he owns the town. And when he’s calling you babydoll, with a devilish smirk on his face and a twinkle of silver in his baby blues, you know you won’t be able to stop yourself from falling for the infamous Bucky Barnes.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Wordcount: 2,039

A/N: And here we go! The part where I finally set up the angst for the rest of the story lol i’m kinda sad :/

Part 1  / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6


Bucky Barnes had chased the adrenaline ‘till he couldn’t breathe anymore.

He was the kinda man who never went through something like this. Something so beautifully overwhelming, something that made his chest tighten and something that pulled his lips back into a stupid and giddy smile. You were doing this to him.

You were the one he’d chased down, 'till he realized you had him wrapped around your pretty little pinky. Oddly enough, he found himself incapable of having a single issue with just how pliable he was in your presence. 

How could he when it made him feel so alive? So…so…wanted?

Because he’d gone his entire life feeling like he truly was a speck of dirt upon the pristine surface of society, a trauma-haunted speck of dirt that was destined to remain trapped in a garage, drinking away the nights that he couldn’t sleep. 

After the terrors in Afghanistan, after returning to this town with a wounded soul, Bucky had been inconsolable, debilitated with insomnia and flashes of anger and panic attacks. Panic attacks and anger that caused trembling fingers and shaky breaths and hot tears. 

Those episodes often led Bucky to recollect those haunting experiences on the battlefield.

They used to call him Sergeant Barnes.

Keep reading

A little love for the signs (From a Libra sun, Leo moon)
  • Dear Aries: It doesn't matter how dark times are, you are there for me. And I know you will always support me. You can make me happy like no one else can. You can say something that isn't even funny and I have to laugh with you. I could talk all night with you. About anything. You are full of light, full of life. You deserve everything bright.
  • Dear Taurus: Even though I've never really been so close to you to say that, I want you to know that you're worth it. You are beautiful, your smile helps people not to give up. So don't give up on yourself. You're strong and I know you smile through the pain, but it's okay. We all go through that and I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
  • Dear Gemini: You are funny, you are witty, you always know how to make me laugh. I am inspired by you. You are so sociable, yet you know how to be alone and overthink things. You can do decisions by yourself, you don't hesistate to make the right choice. I admire you for that. Also, your art is beautiful. You are art.
  • Dear Cancer: I know we haven't been best friends. I know we had fights and that you broke my trust too often. But I realized, you are only a human being, just as me. Everyone keeps making mistakes, but no one wants to admit that. I hope for you that you'll be happy in the future. I want you to concentrate more on yourself, not on others because you are you, and no one can be that for you.
  • Dear Leo: Whenever I talk to you, it feels like we understand each other without saying a word. You are passionate and you are optimistic. You are the person I look up to, you brighten everyone's day, yet no one knows if you're dying inside. You are beautiful and you know it. You taught me it's completely fine to love yourself. So do it.
  • Dear Virgo: You're so selfless. You always try to help me, doesn't matter if you understand me or not. I know that sometimes it's hard for you to show that you care about me, but I notice in this little things you do for me that you do care. And that's fine. You're human. It's okay to break down. It's okay to talk to someone. You will get through this all. I'm right here by your side.
  • Dear Libra: I feel like everyone of you is my sister or my brother. You can make me feel special without knowing it. When we're talking about god and the world, it's like I've known you all my life, even if it's just hours. I want you to look at the mirror and say "I'm proud". Be confident. Believe in youself. Only if you try that, no one will stop you from loving yourself and the world.
  • Dear Scorpio: I don't even know where to start. You changed my life. You taught me things in an emotional way I never thought I'd experience. With every wise word you said you took my breath away. It doesn't matter how much time will fly, I will always remember you. You are my first love and you make everything feel so real. Everytime you look at me, I feel special. You taught me how to love someone and I taught you how to love yourself. Be happy. No matter how we're gonna end, I want you to remember us. You deserve the entire universe.
  • Dear Sagittarius: You doubt yourself more than anyone else. You wear that beautiful smile everyday, but inside you don't even know who you are. I have so much fun with you everytime we do something together. Don't let that happiness die. People look up on you. And you have to do your own thing. Don't give a shit what others think. Find out what you need, what you want and what you love. Everything else will come by time.
  • Dear Capricorn: You are one of the stongest yet most broken person I know. Or should I say, pretend to know? You hide your emotions, afraid of being hurt or replaced. I tell you something: There are people who love you and care about you. There is hope. You can have whatever you want in life, if you're just willing to accept your feelings and yourself.
  • Dear Aquarius: Being around you is like jumping from one cloud to another. Everything feels easier. Even maths. Life is easier with you. The weight of all the bad things in life are gone. I don't know how you're able to make me feel like this, but I'm sure it makes you very special and I hope you never stop making people feel like this because it's one of the best feelings ever.
  • Dear Pisces: If I'm sad, I know I can always talk to you. You always have a solution to my problem. Even if it's just a sentence like "It's okay, we will find a way.", it works. It makes me feel better. You're the most selfless person I've ever met and you're always there for your loved ones. Just take care of yourself, too, because your life is as important as the lives of everyone else.

anonymous asked:

Connor with a reader who has Dyslexia? (It's upsetting cus I'm an A student but still get called names like- I'm not dumb st000p) lol thanks

i’ve never experience dyslexia so sorry if this doesn’t sound right! also i bet your very smart.

•You had been struggling with higher types of math, despite being a very intelligent student.

•You had been self-diagnosed with dyslexia in the second grade, but only had started being treated for it in fourth grade. But your algebra teacher this year, the unforgivable bastard, wouldn’t give you any help, even when it was very necessary.

•That’s when Connor came in. You guys were already dating, one of you the “freak,”, the other one the “dunce,” even though neither of those were close to true. He decided to help you, or try to.

•He searched up dyslexia to try to understand what it does. He didn’t look at the right things so he had it so wrong.

•"So, your eyesight is wrong? Like you can’t see?“ “I don’t know if you’re just trying to offend me or you’re honestly just don’t know.”

•You teach him what dyslexia is and he tries to understand it more. He teaches you the expressions and let’s you read them longer so you can do it easier.

•If you are having trouble with a sentence, he’ll read it to you, he has no problem with it and he makes sure you know it’s okay to ask him for help.

•He got caught once in Algebra trying to helping you read an expression and ultimately
got screamed at. Both of you were sent to the office but was soon returned when you explained to the principal what happened.

•You yelled at him once because he wouldn’t leave you alone when you were reading. He kept asking you if you needed help. You appreciated the care but you can read by yourself, and you can practice reading by yourself, so it can get slowly easier to do it out loud or by your self. He understood what you wanted and backed off, no harm done.

•Your teacher sees your grade goes higher since it got easier to handle your dyslexia with the help of Connor, but it’s still there and is still hard to read sometimes.

•When someone calls you dumb, he immediately gets offended and punches them in the face like Alexander Hamilton. No, that’s an exaggeration, he just yells at them, saying you’re smarter than they’ll ever be.

•He sets up reading dates with you so you guys just cuddle while reading books together, it helps you understand words more after reading all kind of books, but you still read a little slower so you can understand it more.

•You end up in the top ten percent. Your algebra teacher tried to hold you back by cutting deadlines shorter, but that obviously didn’t work. Connor was very proud of you, like the proud boyfriend he is.

sorry if this seems similar to my science nerd one. i didn’t mean for it to be!

Summary of Hamilton Songs
  • Alexander Hamilton: Yo I'm Alexander Hamilton and these are all the bitches I've fucked and/or fucked up
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: Let's see how many things rhyme with Burr (also BRRAAAAH BRRAAAAH)
  • My Shot: Hamilton's not throwing away his shot or the fucking mike like holy shit this song is good
  • The Story of Tonight: We are best buds and this song is in no way foreshadowing sad events what are you talking about lets have another round
  • The Schuyler Sisters: WERK BITCH
  • Farmer Refuted: Hamilton: "My dog speaks more eloquently" Everybody: "OOOOOHH!"
  • You'll Be Back: The king's an abusive boyfriend who can't let things go and is also really cute--DA DA DA DA DA
  • A Winter's Ball: We're reliable wITH THE LADIES!!!
  • Helpless: Eliza is a cinnamon roll who needs her happy ending stfu
  • Satisfied: Angelica fucking wrecks it like holy shit this song will bring me back to life
  • The Story of Tonight Reprise: "She's married to a British officer" "Oh shit..."
  • Wait For It: And we all fall in love with Burr cuz he tears this shit up
  • Stay Alive: "I'm a general! WEEEEEEEEEE!!!" (And Hamilton will fight anyone like holy shit boy calm the fuck down)
  • Ten Duel Commandments: The awesome sounding counting game of fUCKING DEATH
  • Meet Me Inside: Hamilton gets called to the principals office
  • That Would Be Enough: Dude seriously Eliza just wants you to not fucking die like how hard is that
  • Guns and Ships: Just...I just can't...just listen to this one fucking french asshole give it all he's got
  • History Has Its Eyes On You: Basically Washington telling Hamilton not to fuck up
  • The World Turned Upside Down: America wins the war and this shit is intense (also "Immigrants, we get the job done")
  • What Comes Next: The king is still bitter--"AWESOME! WOW!"
  • Dear Theodosia: Dads and their kids make me cry every time also we see parallels between Burr and Hamilton like holy shit this is cool
  • Non-Stop: Hamilton slow down you're scaring ppl
  • What'd I Miss: Jefferson arrives 15 minutes late with Starbucks
  • Cabinet Battle #1: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
  • Take A Break: Ok am I the only one who notices the beat of nothing when the sisters are like "Angelica, Eliza...the Schuyler sisters" like where the fuck is Peggy is she dead i think she's dead holy shit NO
  • Say No To This: Hamilton you dumb fuck say no to this
  • ...also Maria can belt like you won't believe
  • The Room Where It Happens: Burr is done with everyone's shit (also this song is life)
  • Schuyler Defeated: Burr drops some major foreshadowing with "I swear your pride will be the death of us all"
  • Cabinet Battle #2: "...France"
  • Washington on Your Side: Hamilton better watch his back
  • "Southern motherfuckin' dEMOCRATIC-REPUBLICANS!" "OH"
  • One Last Time: Washington has had enough of everyone's shit and is going home (like seriously he's the smartest person in this play he leaves before shit hits the fan)
  • I Know Him: Oh King George! We were wondering how you were doing...still creepy?...ok moving on
  • The Adams Administration: "Sit down John, you fat motherFUCKER"
  • We Know: Hamilton fucks up and no one's surprised at this point (also I love the little "No one else was in the room where it happened" addition from Burr like it just rubs salt in the wound here for their "friendship")
  • Hurricane: More Hamilton backstory/Wait For It Reprise
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN I REPEAT SHIT HAS HIT THE GODDAM FAN (also Angelica: "I'm not here for you" Everyone: "Oooooohhh!")
  • Burn: Ok let me just say Lin-Manuel Miranda has done such a good job with Eliza's character like for someone who we don't know anything about history wise, he really brought her to life in ways that make me want to cry
  • Blow Us All Away Reprise: philip no
  • philip no
  • PHILIP NO (also ha ha ha with the name of the song ha ha ha I'm laughing so hard I'm crying)
  • Stay Alive Reprise: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
  • It's Quiet Uptown: I'm dead there's no god there's no light at the end of the tunnel everything's helpless and there are tears flooding my cheeks
  • The Election of 1800: Everyone is thirsting after Hamilton like leave the man alone at this point dear god
  • Your Obedient Servant: Burr and Hamilton are passive aggressive af
  • The World Was Wide Enough: Reason for my death: Burr's "Wait!" when he shoots (and dear god I hope someone learns something from this like sometimes a fight isn't worth everything please I'm begging you learn to forgive)
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: Eliza I'm so proud of you and I hope you find happiness in the end because I FUCKING DIDN'T THIS SHIT HAS ME BAWLING MY EYES OUT
  • ...time to listen to it all over again
Things they have probably tried: JayDick


Dick definitely tried it when he was alone. It took him several drinks to admit that. No, not ‘admit’… more like ‘proclaim’. At a party. In front of pretty much everyone. Jason was torn apart between being so proud of his boyfriend’s skills and trying to hold in his possessive side. 

He mentioned it to Dick one morning while they were lazing around in their bed. 

- I-I never said that!

- I have witnesses. 

- On tape or it didn’t happen.

Needless to say… Tim wasn’t really happy when Jason came to him demanding his help.

Picked up a copy of the Kamasutra:

This one goes for our Jaybird. Listen, Jason was really busy being dead when he was a teen. His love for books did give him some knowledge about sex, but there a limit to his favorite genre (classic literature) when it comes to exploration of the aforementioned topic. Besides, even while he was on the streets he was pretty much busy trying to stay alive. I don’t mean to disrespect all those stories that claim otherwise. You good.

The book, however, is bought from one of the street sellers who knows that tall- bulky-into-Jane Austin dude. Dick was delighted when he found it under their bed. As the more experienced one, Dick knew that it will take a lot of effort to do something from the book and actually enjoy it, but he was willing to bring up a few things to see if Jason maybe wanted to try them out. 


It is something Jason had suspected for awhile. Ever since they got together he had paid more attention to the way Dick generally thinks himself beautiful. Sure, Dick had self-esteem issues that would come periodically, but sometimes he would stare just a tad longer at his reflection in a mirror or even better, he would admire his own fingers whenever he eats or does anything with them. Jason likes it. He knows that Dick isn’t vain or a narcissist, the guy just sees himself as everyone else does - attractive. 

Dick was at first so confused when Jason refused to come anywhere near their bed in the middle of their make out session. However, once Jason had him pinned against the large mirror, fucking him hard from behind, he understood. 

- Look at yourself Dickie… beautiful… would you fuck him if you could?

Literally, the first thing I wrote here… be kind guys >_>

anonymous asked:

I feel like nobody really cares about me. I feel alone, unloved and most of all, not appreciated. People always push their work on me, I'm helping too much and people only know who I am when they need something. Some keep crossing my lines even though I said no a dozen of times. I'm sorry that I'm bothering you with my problems, but I didn't know where else I should vent cause I have 0 friends..

Vent away, darling. It’s crucial for you to get your feelings out and sometimes it’s easier to do with someone you don’t know personally. I am more than happy to listen anytime.

Know that you don’t deserve to be pushed, and I’m really proud of you for being firm with your boundaries. Your boundaries are valid, important, and deserve to be respected. You are important, loved, and deserve to be surrounded by people who actually appreciate you.

How to deal with people who repeatedly violate your boundaries (by PsychCentral) is a really great in depth article on how you can handle these situations if you want to check it out. Here are a couple more answers that may be useful:

I hope things do improve soon, darling. Your feelings matter and you deserve much better than the way you’ve been treated. 🌻💓

anonymous asked:

Sorry if it's a bother, but I'm kinda in the questioning phase (cis girl who used to think herself very straight, but is now having feelings for girls too) and I'm wondering if you have any advice or know of any resources? I'm still pretty freaked out and scared that I'll get it wrong and will never get this figured out...

I do have some advice! Sorry this response is delayed but I wanted to say it right.

There is no way to get it wrong. Having feelings for people and loving who you love isnt wrong. It is easy to internalize this idea of mistakes and abnormalities, because the whole world tells you that you can get it wrong and that anything outside of a very particular set of circumstances is abnormal or incorrect. However the closer you look at any lines the blurrier it gets, and the more you realize that such clear cut distinctions rarely work. And to call queer feelings and relationships the ‘exception’ also isnt fair, because if there are that many exceptions then there isnt really a rule is there? 

So here is some things

- It’s scary, it is. Depending on your environment and support system it can be hard to admit to yourself let alone anyone else that you might not fit into the pre-made box you were given. But heres the thing about it. It only feels wrong because it feels like you can be punished. People are rebuked or punished for incorrect things, thats how our society functions and interacts with itself. So if you fear punishment (meaning negative reactions, lack of acceptance, isolation) and punishment could indeed fall on you, then it must be wrong. It is difficult to challenge such a large idea, but thats what you have to do. Because you have to rewrite the script you’ve been given, and tell yourself that it isn’t wrong. It’s not. Having feelings for both genders or neither or the same gender or all genders or the opposite gender isnt wrong, its all the same. 

- You don’t have to define anything if you don’t want to. Sometimes labels and clear definitions bring comfort to people. It’s a very common mindset to be comforted by as much information and clarity as possible, which is why people fight so hard to define labels. And that’s great and fine, and if that’s something you want then keep looking to find what fits you, but know too that you don’t have to. People always focus on the most complicated aspects of love and affection, and it is indeed complicated sometimes, but sometimes its not. Not every matter of the heart is hard to understand. And if you find that you like someone of the same gender and grow fond of them romantically and find yourself attracted to them, this is not a complicated thing. This is affection in its most basic form, and it is only the uncertainties and anxieties that come after that make it so jarring. Inherently it’s not complex in the slightest.

You like her.

And that’s okay. 

Thinking then of how you felt in the past, how you feel now, what you might feel in the future, how your family would react, how the girl would react, how this plays into your understanding of yourself, whether or not that was wrong- these things come second. What comes first is natural, unedited affection, and if it happens with someone of the same gender, any gender, genderfluid, no gender- that’s what it is. Affection, attraction, feelings. And that is okay. You are okay. This is not complicated, this is not wrong. 

-You are coming to understand things that confuse you, because you had an understanding of yourself that has been called into question. Remember too that humans are one of the grandest and most fascinating things in the world because of their ability to change.

You change every day of your life as you learn new things, experience new events and define for yourself what is right and what is wrong. 

I feel that there were times in my life where i ‘knew’ who i was, but as time goes on I change and I have to rewrite the lines. If I led my life to the same script I wrote when I was a teenager I wouldn’t be who I am now, and should I always adamantly adhere to the script I have today then I would never be anyone else. 

- The only way you are going to know anything is if you are honest with yourself and keep an open conversation with how you feel. If you edit things or refuse to let some thoughts or emotions play out then you can’t hear what they are trying to say. Let yourself feel things, if you don’t you won’t learn anything new. 

- No matter what you learn about yourself or what fears you conquer I am proud of you for having the conversation with yourself, and no matter what that’s a hell of a thing. 

You don’t have to define anything you aren’t ready to. Be honest with yourself and understand that getting to know yourself again and again is essential to being alive. Whether you are straight or gay or bi or anything else, you are okay. It isn’t wrong to love someone. 

I love you, I hope I managed to say something that could provide some comfort. 

anonymous asked:

Hi! I just wanted to quickly tell you how much I love all of your writing, you are seriously so talented! I have a prompt for you, I'm not sure if it's any good though so feel free to pass on it! Basically I have really bad social anxiety and sometimes I'll get panic attacks if I'm in a social situation with a ton of people so maybe you could write something where that happens to Alex or Maggie? Like they go to a work function together or something and one of them panics? Thank you!!

It hasn’t happened in a long time.

It hasn’t happened because she’s avoided situations where it can happen.

She hasn’t gone to social spaces that aren’t the bar – where it’s never super crowded, where it’s always people she’s comfortable with, where people are more than happy to leave her alone to do her own thing – and she hasn’t let her parents talk her into coming back for the huge family gatherings.

She’s been proud of herself for avoiding her triggers.

But she can’t avoid them forever, and certainly not now, because her captain tells her, with the order very clearly underlying his words, that her presence would be sorely missed if she neglected to go to yet another one of the precinct family outings.

Alex beams when she asks her to go with her, and Maggie can’t bring herself to tell her how terrified she is about the whole thing.

Hard-headed. Insensitive. Obsessed with work. Borderline sociopathic.

Yes, quite the opposite, yes, and no, just dealing with extreme social anxiety.

And she knows Alex, she trusts Alex, but Alex likes her because she’s tough, because she’s calm, and she doesn’t know how to tell her that on the inside, she feels none of these things. That on the inside, especially when there are so many people around, so many people who want to small talk her and touch her without asking and ask questions about her family that they would never ask a straight person and tell her so many racist things that they would never say to someone darker than her, she feels quite the opposite of tough and quite the opposite of calm.

So she just smiles and she thanks her and it’s settled, then.

But the morning of the precinct’s annual family picnic, she can’t get out of bed.

Alex is surprised that she refuses to go on their morning run, but she figures it’s the frantic, late-night sex and the early morning chill that’s keeping Maggie in bed.

It’s not until she gets back from her run and Maggie is still in the same position, still in bed, but with her eyes wide open, that Alex realizes something is wrong.

“Babe?” she asks, and she kneels by the bedside inside of sitting, because she’s sweaty and doesn’t want to mess up the blankets.

“Hey, how was your run?” Maggie smiles, but her voice is too high, her smile is too pinched, and Alex strips off her running jacket and watches her girlfriend carefully.

“Mags, what is it?”

Maggie bites her lip and finds that she can’t answer.

Alex runs through last night, through Maggie’s last week’s worth of cases, and she can’t find anything particularly disturbing, can’t find anything out of the ordinary.

The only new thing on the radar is the picnic today.

“Babe, are you nervous about today?”

Maggie sits up like a shot and she swings her feet off the bed mechanically. “Why would I be? Come on, it’s just a stupid picnic.”


She chances a look at Alex, and she doesn’t find judgment and she doesn’t find irritation. She finds love and she finds concern and she finds respect.

“Just… don’t leave my side while we’re there, okay?” She doesn’t explain further because she can’t. And, she hopes, she doesn’t have to.

Alex stares at her for a moment, a moment that lasts a lifetime to Maggie, but Alex’s eyes stay soft, stay kind, stay open, stay loving.

“I won’t leave your side for a single moment,” she promises, and Maggie’s chest opens up slightly, she can breathe a little more than a moment ago, because Alex isn’t asking her to explain, she’s just helping her to her feet, helping her to the shower, helping her into her clothes, helping her eat at least a little something, helping her out the door.

Alex helps. Alex helps a lot.

Maggie keeps her hand in a vice-like grip the entire time she introduces her around, the entire time Alex makes old white men laugh and young hot women blush.

Alex routinely runs her thumb over Maggie’s hand, and Alex routinely leans down to kiss her temple, picks her hand up to kiss her knuckles. Alex somehow figures out how to get them food without letting go of her hand a single time.

Alex helps. Alex helps a lot.

But Maggie’s panic spills over anyway.

Her chest constricts and her breathing quickens. Her eyes sting and her abs tighten. Her knees shake and her lip nearly bleeds with how hard she bites it.

“Alex,” she whispers, just once, because it’s all she can choke out, and Alex leads her away immediately, brings her to the single-stall family bathroom, ignores scandalized glances from people milling nearby, and locks the door behind them.

“Do you need space or do you need to be held?” is all Alex asks, calmly, soothingly, lovingly, no trace of irritation in her voice, and Maggie reels, because she’s looking at Alex, and she’s looking for signs of irritation, and she can’t find any, and she doesn’t understand why not, but she lets her body collapse forward into Alex’s, and Alex’s strong arms envelop her, and she lets herself go.

She shakes and she sobs and she forgets how to breathe and she rocks and she grabs at Alex’s jacket desperately, desperately, needily.

“I’ve got you, Maggie. I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” is all Alex says as she holds her, as she rocks her, as she kisses her hair, as she kisses her forehead, as she rubs small circles into her back.

Right when Maggie can’t see, right when Maggie is scared she’ll pass out from lack of oxygen, Alex pulls back, and Alex puts a hand on her chest.

“Breathe into my hand, Mags. You can do it, babe, just breathe into my hand.”

And Maggie does, does, does, focuses on pushing her chest out slow, slow, careful, calm, into Alex’s hands, and oxygen floods into her body again, and she steadies again, and she calms, calms, calms.

“Good girl, Maggie, you’re so brave.” Alex presses her forehead to Maggie’s and breathes with her, slow and steady.

“You’re so brave, my love.”

“Your love?” Maggie asks raggedly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, are you not mine?”

Maggie smiles shakily and looks up disbelievingly into Alex’s eyes. “Of course I’m yours, but I… love?”

“Of course I love you, Mags. Of course I love you. Is that not okay?”

“Yeah, of… of course it’s okay, just… I just had a complete breakdown over a fucking picnic, Al, I…”

“Yeah. Yeah, you did. And I love you. Problem?”

Alex is stroking her cheeks with her thumbs and Maggie has never felt so loved, so cared for, so wanted.

And suddenly, she laughs. “We’re in a bathroom.”

Alex grins. “We are.”

“A single-stall bathroom.”


“And I’m sure I look like a mess.”

“You look beautiful.”

“Okay. But, a mess. All the cop wives are going to be scandalized.”

Alex’s grin deepens. “Nah, they’ll just be jealous that I get to get alone time in single-stall bathrooms with the most perfect girlfriend ever to…. girlfriend.”

“The most perfect girlfriend ever to girlfriend, Danvers?”

“Listen, you didn’t start dating me for my way with words.”

“No, you’re right. I started dating you because I was falling in love with you.”


“Yeah. Now I know I’m in love with you.”

“Excellent. Because I’m in love with you, too, Mags.”

twentytwoyoonmins  asked:

Ahhh hello! You're super good at headcanons, and they make me feel super fluffy on the inside! I haven't read all of your profile or anything, but do you have Drarry headcanons? I'm curious to see your take on it. I'm sure you've done some in the past but I'm really into this ship right now, so I could really use it! Thank you in advance!

(Thank you! I’m happy that they make you feel good, and I hope they continue to. And I haven’t done Drarry, the reason being that this is a blog for the Marauders. Buuuut the au where Harry is raised by Moony and Pads counts, so I can fit that in!))

  • On the way to Hogwarts, Harry sees Draco all alone in his carriage before meeting Crabbe and Goyle, and immediately sits down to keep him company. Draco apologises for what he said at Diagon Alley, and asks if they can be friends. Of course the answer is yes.
  • Draco always cheered the loudest out of anyone for Harry in quidditch matches, even if it was a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match.
  • Harry, Ron and Hermione still become the Golden Trio, but now Draco’s added in too. He learns to be more accepting of muggleborns and halfbloods from them, and Harry is so proud!
  • Eventually they both realise they’re crushing on each other, sometime in 3rd year. They’re blushing messes half the time after that, and Harry is the first one to say anything. They finally get together in the middle of 4th year.
    • Sirius and Remus high five when Harry tells them, because they’ve known it was going to happen since his first owl home about his new friend.
    • Draco was worried about telling Lucius, but when he did he Lucius looked him dead in the eye and told him it was obvious since day one.
  • After they get together, they’re both happy that the other returned their feelings. 
    • Draco loves affection a crazy amount. Especially the small things, like side hugs and laying his head on Harry’s shoulder.
    • Harry just likes being around Draco. He likes things like laying down next to each other on the grass on a warm day, or sitting down with him after a tiring match.

(I’ve never done Drarry before, so I hope this is the kind of thing you were looking for!)

anonymous asked:

hi there, also a cancer bio phd candidate here, but I really, really hate it. I finally admitted to myself that I'm just not good at what I'm doing and that it's making me very unhappy and seriously affecting my mental health. But I feel like I would make it worse to quit now, and I have no idea what I would do or where I would go if I weren't in my program. I'm sure you hear stuff like this all the time, but any advice for someone seriously struggling?


I think you should definitely consider leaving the program. I know it’s a scary decision, but any decision made with your gut and/or is for the benefit of your health will always be the best decision you could ever make. 

If you’re a PhD candidate, that means you already passed your qualifying exams, so you can technically Master out. You’ll have to still write a thesis, but it’ll take you a shorter amount of time to do. Talk to your advisor and committee members about this decision. I guarantee you are not the first PhD student that wanted to leave and did, so they should have a pretty streamlined process. And honestly, the reason of “I’ve come to realize that a PhD is not the path for me” is valid enough. (If you mistook “candidate” to mean “student” aka someone who hasn’t passed their quals yet and hasn’t moved onto candidacy, then that’s ok! i misunderstood that term too when i started grad school)

I have a list of some jobs one can get with the various degrees and experience levels in life sciences (including Bachelors and Masters) here. You can see if any of those interest you, and certainly that list is not everything that’s out there either. Your university should also have a job advisor (even for graduate students) that you could meet with to discuss battle plans. 

It’s ok to quit a graduate program. Many people do it. Every year we have students leave our PhD programs, and that’s ok! Everyone should understand that this is your life, and it should be up to you and only you on whether you stay or not. Grad school is not for everyone; just like how not everyone can run a mile in under 10 minutes, or is fluent in more than one language, right? Life is all about trying things–that new food, that new style of dress, test drive a car, test drive an occupation–and we’re not supposed to like or excel in everything we try. We’re human! We’re individuals! You’re not like me, and I’m not like you, and that’s how it should be. 

So you gave grad school a try and mmmm you know what, it’s not the right fit. Just like trying on a piece of clothing, or test driving that car. Sometimes, you really just don’t know how you’ll like something until you give it a go. And that’s ok! You should be proud of yourself for trying, and for realizing that you’re an individual. 

So if you want to leave, find a means to do so. If you’re afraid of what’s next, that’s ok. Fear of the unknown is a human trait, so it’s ok to be scared. But you don’t have to go through it alone! Ask for help from your support group–your advisor, your committee members, your university’s job advisor, your friends, family, the gradblr community here. You just never know what kinds of doors will open if you simply inquire. 

You’re going to be ok anon. Always take care of yourself first, ok?

And I’m right here if you need me <3

Things the signs sometimes want to tell you but never would *

Aries: They are so often so full of motivation and energy, though they can get very insecure. This may be about ridiculously small things as well as about serious problems. They are very proud so they don’t want to admit their insecurities but they may secretly wish that others would see their insecurity (while they don’t want others to see it since they are so proud) and show them that everything is okay and they don’t need to be insecure about whatever is upsetting them at the moment.

Taurus: They don’t like bothering people with their stuff so they often don’t talk about their problems and insecurities. They can stay strong for a long time but they tend to worry about the future and that they won’t make it. They’d also wish to not always be described as lazy since they can be very hard-working and determined and they wish others would see this aspect of them more often.

Gemini: Similiar to Aquarians, Geminis often have a rather big circle of friends but they fear to be all alone and that they don’t and never will have anyone really close to them. They don’t want to admit it but (this definitely doesn’t apply to every Gemini, some are very indifferent but it’s still something I noticed a lot) but they need acknowledgment from others and they are kind dependant on others - or rather the communication with them. Due to that they fear that others think badly of them, think they don’t have any friends or are losers. They want to hear and need to know that they matter.

Cancer: Most Cancers love nurturing others and taking care of them, but at times they almost selfishly wish that others would nurture them the way they always nurture others and that they’ll be taken care of the same way they always take care of others without having to ask for it or do anything in return. 

Leo: They’re often seen as arrogant but they actually aren’t. They are insecure if they really are as great as they always act, they fear that they aren’t. Because of that they often times may act as if they think they are the best just so that the others don’t see that they do indeed need the acknowledgment from others that they’re great, that’s often one of the main reasons why they love compliments so much.

Virgo: You’d probably think this is the case for scorpio, but Virgos are afraid to be misunderstood and that people won’t see their real them. They can be very witty and cute, though a lot of people seem to not recognize that and it’s something that really upsets Virgos at times. They’d like others to wait until they see their real them until judging them at first glance and sticking with the wrong view of them. When they’re down, they may even fear that even close friends have the wrong view of them.

Libra: They don’t want to show or say it since they always want to please others, but they do want to speak up at times. They tend to avoid confrontations so that they don’t have to worry about a bad outcome, but they sometimes wish they could talk or do things without a filter. They also fear that they’re annoying to others, they may joke it off though and pretend as if they wouldn’t care if they’d be annoying to others but they actually do.

Scorpio: Scorpios usually do know that they are so passionate and even obssessive at times, they also know that they feel very deeply and they fear that they’ll scare people away with that. They can be very paranoid when it comes to close ones, they worry about them leaving them, no matter whether because of a big or a tiny thing they did or said and they need to feel that you’re not going to leave them and that you don’t care about their flaws.

Sagittarius: Even though they may not seem like it, they aren’t that optimistic all the time. They fear that they won’t be enough in the end and everyone will leave them as soon as they stop being the happy-go-lucky type of person. They won’t ask for help but they want you to be there for them when they’re having a rough time, even if it’s nothing more than being there and understanding. They fear rejection though, so they usually won’t ask for it or need a long time to do it. 

Capricorn: They seem very confident and in control most of the time but they are afraid that the ones they care about will judge about them. They really do wish others would be more understanding, expecially when it comes to them. That their beloved ones will think badly of them or even leave them eventually because they can’t understand Capricorns way of thinking or doing things is something they worry about, especially because they only mean the best most of the time.

Aquarius: It’s not unusal for Aquarians to have a lot of friends, but they may not always feel like they have any very close ones and they can feel lonely and that their friends secretly talk about them behing their back and don’t actually like them. They’re not cold as stone, they just prefer not always showing it but they sometimes wish they’d have someone to talk to when they’re feeling bad, though they think people won’t (want to) listen to them.

Pisces: They wish people would tell them they’re so strong more often. They’re not all whiny, they don’t freak out or anything, they endure things and they can endure a lot but they think others think of them as weak and submissive and they would want to hear they’re doing good more often.

*and if they do you can be sure that they trust you and feel comfortable with you so you’re lucky bro

check your sun and moon, for some might work venus as well!

anonymous asked:

Hello love! I have a request for you ❤️ I'm working my way through chapter 13 of FFXV to rescue Prompto and it's making me sad lol. Could I get little AU scenarios of the Chocobros taking care of their s/o after saving them from Dumpster King (Ardyn)? I say AU because I'm gonna stay in dreamland where Noct doesn't get sucked into the crystal 😅. Thanks a bunch! ~3^

Hello love!! Ahh my first request!! Also, yes, I also like to believe that no one was hurt/blinded/died because mY BABIES.


  • Noctis thanked the Six for keeping his s/o alive. Ardyn had taken them in the confusion of the train. He was already beating himself up for not keeping an eye on them. He held them close for hours, letting them cry on his shoulder. They wouldn’t stop shaking. Even as they slept. 
  • He let them sleep on the bed alone, let them have their rest. The boys had gone out in search of food. Noct stayed behind. He didn’t want to leave them alone again. 
  • He heard them muttering in their sleep. He went to go to pull the blanket back and check to see if they were awake.
  • But their hand shot out so fast, gripped his wrist so hard- where did they get that strength from
  • S/o is panting so hard, fear etched into their eyes. Shaking even harder.
  • Then they meet Noct’s eyes and they feel so guilty, they nearly attacked him.
  • Sobs are choking out and they put their fists in their eyes, trying to stop the tears, the flashbacks, the pain.
  • They lean against him and he wordlessly places them in his lap. He wraps his arms around them as tightly as possible.
  • “It’s okay, its over now. He won’t hurt you again. I promise you.”
  • Whenever they wake up crying or when he feels them shaking, he asks if he can hold them, and they nod every time. He holds them and talks to them, about his dad, about his time in Tenebrae, anything to get their mind off things. The soft rumble from his voice in his chest calms them down and they eventually stop shaking.


  • “It should have been me, they should have taken me!”
  • Prompto would be the most emotional. He would cry as soon as he saw his s/o again. He would hold them and kiss them, make sure they’re not injured. Cry some more.
  • Back at the hotel, he’d never leave their side. He’d ask if they were okay every half-hour. They would nod and ask to be held. He’d grab a blanket and wrap it around him and his s/o. 
  • Sometimes, they won’t ask to be held. He’ll ask anyways and they say, “No, I’m okay for now. Being touched makes me feel claustrophobic.”
  • He’ll understand but he’ll be so sad. Sunshine needs his cuddles.
  • But then he’ll just start sending memes to their phone. They’ve been spending most of the time on their phone, trying to get their mind off things, especially when they cant sleep.
  • He’ll send things funnier than the last. He’ll feel 10x better, seeing them smile. He’ll feel even better once they seek contact again but he’s taking it one step at a time. 
  • He gets them a chocobo plushy. Its perfect, because now the nightmares are becoming less frequent. All thanks to Mr. Kweh! 
  • “Mr. Kweh, huh?”
  • “Short for Kweh-ton Tarantino!”
  • He’d want to cry with how much progress they’ve made. He’s so proud that they’re so strong.


  • If he could see how broken his s/o was when they were saved, his heart would have broken and he would have stormed up to Ardyn and murdered him.
  • But he could feel it anyways. They’re trying to be strong for him, they don’t want to burden him. But he knows something is off.
  • He’d ask them to sit next to him. He wants to take their pulse. But even as they’re just reading a book next to him, he can feel their pulse quickening. He can hear their erratic breathing.
  • “I’m going to make some tea, Ignis.” 
  • And as they’re making tea, banging around, he could hear them sighing, pacing. Tapping their toes, fingers. 
  • “Darling?”
  • They’d nearly drop the leaves. He walks over to them, putting a hand out to them. They’d take it and he’d pull them in for a hug.
  • “Please, don’t suffer alone in this. I’m here to help you. Talk to me, sweet.”
  • S/o would start crying, saying that they don’t want to burden him, that he has enough to worry about, they’ll be fine-.
  • “You are not fine, you’re in a right state! Please, darling. Let me help.”
  • And that’s how Ignis begins doing what he can do again. His s/o helps with his cooking, and he relearns how to do everything without his eyesight. His s/o puts out the ingredients and spiced, makes sure everything is perfect. He’ll instruct them with how to do things. And once he’s confident to do things by himself he’ll make them their favorite whenever possible.


  • He’s so fiercely protective of his s/o. The fact that they were somehow taken right from his hands still angers him and he has to take a few breaths to calm down. 
  • He noticed a change right away. They weren’t as chatty or cuddly. They smiled less often and appeared to be deep in thought. They’d chew on their fingernails more often. Actually, he doesn’t think he ever saw them bite their nails. 
  • What would really get him was when he would hear shushed sobs. Or them sniffling. Growing up with his sister, when he would hear sniffling, something was always up. He asked and asked but his s/o would say nothing. They’d shake their head and say it was silly.
  • “I guess I’m still dealing with the whole Ardyn thing.”
  • He’d have to swallow down the bile coming up his throat and take a deep breath. 
  • He’d bring them to their lap and talk to them. Ask them what they were thinking about. Whatever it was, the nightmares, flashbacks, he’d be patient to help them through it. 
  • “My arms and ears are always open to you, baby.”
  • He’d give them the sweetest kisses. 
  • He’d teach them more self defense. Especially on days where the adrenaline and anxiety is extra high. 
  • They’ll run relaxing baths when they were done sparring and he’ll hold them close. 
  • He’ll be more relaxed when they laugh. When they laugh, everything in the world is good. 
  • He’ll thank the Six each and every day for them.

Ahhh okay!! I hope i did okay!!! eeeee my first request!! I hope you like it nonny, I hope you’re having a really good day! I hope they aren’t too different in length or substance. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Rain pt.4

Rain | Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 |

Well, finally the end xD not proofread but you already know that 

Originally posted by holy-yoongi

Jungkook came into the room with a wet towel on one hand, a glass of water in the other hand and a concerned stare.

“ It’s normal, Kookie. You don’t have to panic every time it happens ” You coughed, nausea taking over once more.

“ But you haven’t even eaten anything since morning ” You reached for the towel that he brought but he moved your hand away to wipe your face for you instead. He always seemed apologetic while doing things like this.

“ I know. ” You closed your eyes sinking back into the bed “Just lay with me okay ?”

The first four months had been the hardest for you since you constantly felt sick upon inhaling any sort of scent. Pleasant or not. And the hardest on Jungkook since you did quit – got fired – from your job. Though he would never admit it. Jungkook joked about it, teasing you every chance he got with remixed versions of “ You should’ve quit when I told you to ”

You were now half-way through your sixth month and still having occasional drawbacks that sent you over the toilet again. But it was less frequent and you were able to eat comfortably again. Your belly had also grown considerably which meant that most your clothes and half your shoes couldn’t fit anymore.

It always made you frown when something didn’t look as great as before but your husband was always quick to brush away those insecurities, like he always does, with random compliments and sweet kisses of adoration.

You had just came back home from another appointment with the doctor, where you were given the chance to know the baby’s gender which you refused. Jungkook had been on and on about it ever since you left Seokjin’s office and didn’t shut up about until you started feeling sick. Thankfully.

Jungkook made you rest your head on his arm when you couldn’t even move up to the pillows, laying down next to you. It was still the middle of the day but it was also his day off and you were technically unemployed so it didn’t matter. He gave you enough room to breathe but was also close enough for you to feel his warmth.

His hand sneaked up under your shirt, a new habit he discovered recently, fingers tracing random patterns on your swollen belly. You sighed in response, relaxing against him.

“ Squid just moved !” Jungkook shot up, abruptly moving you just when you got comfortable, with a smile and twinkly eyes. You groaned in frustration, reminding him that he was your personal pillow for now “ Sorry, I got excited ”

“ I can see that ” You laughed this time resting your head on his chest to let the familiar, soothing, heartbeat reach your ears. “ It happens more frequently when the baby hears your voice. I’m getting jealous of the two of you. Bonding without me, already ” You snorted jokingly.

“ You’re cute ” His hand was back again on your stomach. This time his open palm massaging the underside.

“ Don’t call me cute ” You hit his arm and he shrugged “ Have you thought of any names ?”

“ I was waiting to know the gender first ” He pouted and you rolled your eyes. There he goes again.

“ I want it to be a surprise. And it doesn’t really matter what gender it is ”

“ But it’s hard to-” He stopped, laughing, when you glared up at him “ Okay, okay. How about … Junghye for a girl and Junghyun for a boy ?”

“ Hmm …” You nodded as he stilled his movements. It calmed you, his touch, and you somehow knew that your baby liked it as well. Jin had told you that it could distinguish voices now so you let Jungkook go on and on about the different names he liked. All in hopes that squid would recognize his father’s voice just as much as he did yours. It made your heart flutter just thinking about it.

“ How about Jimin ?” You finally cut off the stream of names, your eyes feeling heavy again with sleep even though you had woken up just four hours prior.

“ For ?”

“ Both … It’s unisex ”

“ Jimin … Jeon Jimin … Sounds nice ” Jungkook kissed your head, carding his free hand through your hair in a way he knew you liked “ Jimin it is ”

“ Now are you going to stop calling our Jimin squid ?” You looked up at him, optimistic.

“ Nope ” Jungkook chuckled and you couldn’t help but laugh as well.

You fell back into silence as you enjoyed each other’s breathing and Jungkook’s hand on your bare skin. He knew you would be tired, you were always tired, so he let you sleep in peace. He understood that it was hard, in every aspect, and felt sorry. Especially that he couldn’t really do anything to make it easier.

However, to you, his presence was more than enough.


“ Let’s do something. I’m tired of just staying home all the time ” You stood up, as fast as your body allowed, stretching a little.

“ Jin told us to be careful in these last two months so nothing would go wrong ” Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows since last time you said that and you both got out for a stroll you ended up getting too tired and breathless. Which scared him to death.

“ I know but I’m bored. Let’s go shopping then ? We still need to buy some stuff for the baby ” You looked through your bag for a white envelope “ Guess who just, finally, got the payment for that internship I did a year ago and has money to blow ”. Jungkook just laughed saying he’ll be ready in a moment then disappearing into the bedroom then had to wait a whole hour for you to be ready as well. With no complaints.

It was more fun, and a lot more interesting, to shop for things with no knowledge of the baby’s gender. Jungkook soon learned to enjoy the mystery as well, even making bets on which it will be. Him saying that it’s a girl while you went for the other option. There wasn’t much time left before you would find out.

“ You think squid would love cars ?” He joked as you passed by one of the big toy cars that could probably fit three toddlers in one go.

“ I think that it will be very long before  Jimin would ride those. Move it.” You playfully hit his back turning him away before locking arms with him again. Channeling some of your weight on him. He was always giddy when you did. Most your discussions about it would just be :

“ It’s like I’m carrying the baby with you ”

“ No jungkook-ah, it’s not even close ”

“ But still ”

“ Put me down ! You’re making me dizzy ”

“ Jungkook ? ” A sweet and soft female voice called from behind you. Unfamiliar to you but apparently not to Jungkook, who froze immediately.

She was tall, pretty, and very attractive. All your insecurities came crushing down. More skin shown than covered, she walked towards the two of you. Her eyes scanned over the two of you with a mockingly offensive grin and you knew that it was her.

“ What are you doing here ?” He asked, his voice was stern and emotionless, cold even which came to a surprise to her and she paused.

“ I work here. If you had payed more attention to that instead of just fu-”

“ I guess I wasn’t that interested after all ” The flustered look on her face should have made you feel better but both their words cut deeper than you thought and you hand fell from Jungkook’s, who looked down at you with worried eyes.

“ You’re the wife. I don’t think we officially met ” She sheepishly smiled at you like some innocent angel. Something inside of you wanted to strangle her right there and then.

“ Do they allow you to dress like that around children ?” You returned the mocking stare, speaking like the mother you were going to be, it has somehow became a part of you. To speak like a mom.

“ It attracts the dads so they don’t mind. I sell more.” The way she spoke the words, her eyes fluttering over to jungkook who was stiff besides you, his eyes fixed on you. You clenched your fists but relaxed again. You weren’t able to do anything to her, it’s not like it’s her fault alone. It was the both of them, deep down you hated Jungkook a little again. You now had a face to go along with the nightmares and you could feel a slight ache in the pit of your stomach. You wanted out.  

“ Jungkook-ah ” You looked up at him and smiled, forced of course, “ Have a nice chat, I’ll wait by the car. I don’t want to get anything for our baby here ”

“ Y/N, w-wait …” He laced his fingers with yours halting you and turned to look at her for the first time “ I was out of my mind then. Sorry to have left like that but I’ve never loved you.” I got more important things now His eyes found yours again.

What if he goes back to her ? You looked down at your pregnant belly, already too big for comfort and a tear made its way down your face. Jungkook was focused on driving but his mind was racing with a million thing he should be saying. None of them seemed completely appropriate.

“ Jungkook-ah ” You hated how your voice came out broken so you wiped away the tears away and cleared your throat “ Do you regret it ?”

“ Don’t say that ” Jungkook was glad you spoke out, but was rather unhappy with the words themselves “ Don’t ever think for a second that I’d prefer be with her than you ”

“ You-”

“ Never. I love you so much and you’ve given me so much ” He reached for your hand holding it tightly  while he pulled over to put all his attention back on you “ Even now, you even gave up a big portion of your life to grant me … us … Jimin. Which I can never repay even if I tried for the rest of my life ”

“ I … you just seem very tired lately and sometimes unhappy ” You finally confessed what had been worrying for the most time in the past few months of him constantly working and taking care of you at the same time. You felt like he would grow tired of you.

“ I have never been happier in my life than this moment, with you and with our Jiminie, and work … ” He paused, unsure if he should say this already or wait “ I’ve been working harder for our future, to compensate you for everything, not that I can and not that it would ever be enough ”

“ What ?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“ I’ll show you tomorrow. Let’s go home for now, you’ve been walking around for quite sometime ” He started the car again “ You need to rest and forget about what happened … I’ll help you forget ”. Jungkook smirked nodging your shoulder.

“ you do realize I’m almost nine months pregnant right ?”

“ And your point ?”

“ Pervert ” You snorted.

“ You’re still as gorgeous as ever ”


You woke up to a rustling sound of metal falling to the ground and judging by the sunlight eagerly spilling into the room; it was morning. You opened the window to let out the weird smell that accumulated in the room. It was similar to a burning scent. It was weird because you kept no food in the house because of your morning sickness then it turned into not keeping it there so you would have to spend that time together.

You heard the rustling once more and slowly made your way out. Jungkook goes to work early these days so you didn’t know what to think of the sudden noise. However, there he was, only in his sweatpants on while his shirt had been abandoned on the floor, shuffling through the kitchen like a lost puppy. You lost count already of how many time he burned his fingers just from the moment you stood by the door watching him, oblivious of your presence.

“ Why are you awake babe ? ” Jungkook sat next to you on the couch as you were watching the T.V, peacefully until now, later that night. “ Are you still upset about what happened in the shop ?”

“ No, kookie, I’m not. I knew I would meet her one day ” You sighed switching the volume down even more so the two voices wouldn’t mix in your head and turn into a headache you didn’t need.

“ I’m sorry ”

“ Stop apologizing” inching a little to rest your head on his shoulder.

“ Today was supposed to be special but I ruined it ”

“ I still enjoyed it so it’s okay ” You were mad, that much was obvious, but you couldn’t let it spoil it for you. You had been mad for too long, now you need to be happy.

“ I’ll make it right ! How about a late night snack ?” He shot up with overflowing energy and a bunny smile.

“ How about you stop moving every time I find a comfortable position ?” You glared but it quickly turned into a failed one when he giggled.

“ Sorry, love ” Jungkook moved the biggest pillow back where he sat before to let you lean on it “ Are you craving anything ? ”

“ I do … but you can’t make it. I don’t trust you enough. ” You chuckled.

“ Try me !”

“ Seaweed soup ” He suddenly looked drained with hunched shoulders and a frown.

“ Okay maybe I can’t ” Jungkook pouted as he slowly sat back down.

“ Y/N, why are you crying ?” Jungkook’s soft tone brought you back from your thoughts and you wiped away the tears you didn’t know were falling until he pointed it out “ Are you that touched by this ?” He smugly smirked.

“ It’s the hormones okay ?” You sniffled walking to him, he just shrugged turning around with a whisper “ yeah right ”.

“ You’ll get fired if you keep taking days off continuously ” You mumbled feeling the unfairness of it all, in fact Jungkook couldn’t get fired since he was the owner of his own company so he could just take how many days off he wanted, unlike you who was fired for throwing up on the job. Okay maybe you threw up on an important client but still.

You stopped behind him trying to backhug him but your pregnant self had other thoughts. You couldn’t even reach around past your belly to him.

“ I can’t even do this ” you sighed frowning “ Sorry ”

“ But I can ” Jungkook turned to look at you after turning off the fire and smiled. He would’ve called you cute if he knew you wouldn’t hit him for it so he just settled for changing positions with you and hugging you closely. “ You smell so nice ” Jungkook breathed out against your shoulder sealing his lips into deep kisses to your neck. You relaxed against him, leaning your head on his shoulder and sighing.

“ What happened to your shirt ?”

“ I spilled soup on it, it burned me so I threw it off ” He sounded like he was angry at the shirt more than at himself for spilling.

“ You really made seaweed soup ?” You arched an eyebrow, suspicious.

“ Well … hmm … I tried ?” That didn’t sound so convincing you thought as you broke away from him. “ Sit down, I’ll bring it to you ”

You moved to the table waiting with wide eyes, and a worried heart, for whatever poison he was about to feed you.

“ Okay this looks normal ” You spoke as you twirled your spoon around the suspicious liquid. Jungkook smiled widely with anticipation gesturing you to taste. You hesitantly did so, with caution because counting ramyun out jungkook was not to be trusted in the kitchen.

“ So ?” He impatiently said.

“ Maybe it only looks good ” You put your spoon down, fighting back a gag, and pushing the bowl to him “ Taste it ”

“ That’s so salty !” He screamed scrunching his face in disgust “ how could you eat that so normally ?”

“ I couldn’t hurt my baby’s feeling after all that effort, could I ?” You smiled and he stood up reaching over the table to capture your lips into a kiss.

“ You taste salty, go away ” You pushed him away licking your lips

“ You do too so shut up and kiss me ”

“ Forget about that, you told me you would show me why you’ve been so busy today ”

“ Right, I did ” His face lit up in a proud expression you haven’t seen since he got his last promotion to CEO “ Get ready, this will be good ”


“ We’re here !” Jungkook yelled out opening the large but short wooden door that lead to a big garden.

“ And what is here ?” You asked following right behind him.

“ Our home ” He said with an air of utter proudness.

“ What ?” You stopped him to turn and look at you.

“ I wasn’t busy because it became hard to take care of you but ” he hooked his arm around your shoulder leading you towards the way-too-big-for-two-people-and-and-a-baby house “ It was because I was trying to get my hand on this

“ You … Jungkook-ah …” Tears gathered in your ears and your voice was caught in your throat.

“ You don’t need to say anything. It wasn’t really that hard. And I wanted to do something for you ” He kissed you temple rubbing his hand over your belly “ For us ”

“ The second floor is ours, to live in but most importantly, the first floor ” He pointed at it and the space around it “ Can be turned into a coffee shop, if you want to ”

The walls were mostly made out of reflecting glass and opened onto the back garden. You followed Jungkook to tour it as he spoke about the many plans that he had in mind. Dogs, mainly dogs. You felt the swelling in your heart grow with each word as you kept your eyes on him wondering what you did to deserve it.

Jungkook stopped in front of the front door and glanced down at you with a witty expression.

“ Let me carry you in ” He giggled “ Like in the movies ”

“ Babe, I need to tell you this again, but I’m nine months pregnant ” You rolled your eyes at him “ I’m too heavy for you and I still need you in one peace ”

“ Please ”

“ Jungkook, no ”

“ Just one step ”

“ Jungko-ahh” His name turned into a painful gasp when you felt like your insides just did a full flip, then it just turned plain painful.

“ What ? What happened ?” He gripped both your arms in his firm hands, coming down to eye-level with you “ Does it hurt ?”

“ I … call Jin … ”

“ Why- ohmygodokayokay” Jungkook’s hand trembled as he saw that your water broke. He was prepared for this moment, well, he thought. When confronted with the reality that you were indeed about to give birth he panicked.

You took his arm, gripping it so hard that you were sure it will bruise but you couldn’t find it in you to really care as another wave of pain spread across you.

“ Car, now ” He said as he helped you down the stairs, slow enough for you not to hurt but fast enough so Jimin would be born in the garden of your house.

“ It hurts ” You chanted as he repeated for you to breath and that everything will be alright, you swore if he told you to bre-

“ Y/N, just breathe ”

“ I’m fucking breathing ! ” You screamed at him at full force unable to control your volume.

“ Okay but Jin told me to ”

“ I don’t care what he said, you better shut the fuck up or I’ll kill you ” You didn’t calm down until you were on the bed with everyone moving around quickly to get your prepared since in the words of your doctor “ The little one is eager to come out ” and Jungkook reappeared again, dressed in the same outfit as the other nurses.

“ Jungkook-ah, I’m scared ” You stuttered through heavy breath and excessive sweating.

“ I’m right here, everything is going to be okay ” He let you hold his hand as tightly as you wanted while he whispered words of encouragement with concern. Avoiding whatever was happening down there because he found himself lightheaded every time he glanced down.


The sound of loud crying tore you both apart from the deep sleep you were in, just a few hours after you put Jimin to sleep, just when you could finally catch a glimpse of sleep. You groaned turning in the bed to meet Jungkook’s, just as frustrated as you, glance. You silently nodded before sitting up, both eyes half shut with exhaustion.

“ I’ll go ” Jungkook stood up removing the sheets from himself and making you lean back “ I’ll go ”

“ I can … ” He hushed you with his lips, cupping your face in the dark and shaking his head.

“ Go back to sleep, love.” He pat your head and smiled as you closed your eyes again.

“ I love you, kookie.” You said quietly as he walked out the room but he suddenly stopped and peeking back through the door.

“ I heard that. ”

“ I said it to be heard ” You laughed “ Go check on Jimin before he drowns himself in tears ”

“ I love you too ” He called back while hurrying to the other room.

Originally posted by sugutie

Hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it and thank you !

John Mulaney Sentence Starters
  • "The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time."
  • "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it."
  • "It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them."
  • "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin."
  • "I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table."
  • "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."
  • "Why do people shush animals? They've never spoken."
  • "A lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy."
  • "I'm an idiot, but I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far."
  • "I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?"
  • "I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion."
  • "There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."
  • "Being president looks like the worst job in the world."
  • "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world."
  • "I always though quick sand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be."
  • "'Do you want a salad or fries?' that's like asking 'Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?'"
  • “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”
  • “Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around. They know too much.”
  • "I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video- Which is a very old fashioned sentence."
  • "I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then they're just pants."
  • "My body is bad at sports: that's the problem."
  • "It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of "Law & Order" in my apartment."
  • "I don't look older, I just look worse."
  • "So, I would just have a couple of drinks, and my brain would be like, 'OK, I see where this is headed. We're just going to power down now and get restarted sometime tomorrow morning'."
  • "Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it."
  • "'Ocean's 11' with women wouldn't work 'cause two would keep breaking off to talk sh*t about the other nine."
  • “Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone, and I’ll be like ‘Yeah, I’ve been really lonely lately’ and they’ll be like ‘Well we should hang out!’ and I’m like ‘No, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I meant at all.”
  • "We'd all go play jacks by the soda fountain."
  • "No one knows what you're talking about you idiot."
  • "Blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on.'
  • "Am I proud of it? No. Just like I'm not proud of the fact that I saw the movie The Notebook in theaters. But it happened!"
  • "You don't know me. I have secrets. Why yesterday I wore my footie pajamas under my clothes and pretended I was a fucking fireman."
  • “Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town.”
  • "Because we're Delta Airlines and life is a fucking nightmare!"
  • "I could never be goth, don't get me wrong, I'm unhappy, it's not that."
  • "To me Person of Interest is almost too flattering. Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest' I'd be like 'Moi? Oh do go on. Fresh.' "
  • "Ma'am can you turn off your bluetooth? This is a baptism."
  • "It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA."
  • "Do you want a plate of fries? If I get fries for the table would you take some? I know you'll eat fries if I get fries!"
  • "I watch so much Law and Order that sometimes I think I'm on an episode of Law and Order."
  • "You asked if I brushed my teeth but I never specified that I did so tonight. If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see I did not purger myself."
  • "Traveling can get kinda lonely sometimes, actually no that's not the right word, Life. Life can get kinda lonely sometimes."
  • "Scientists have long since wondered if you can make grown men and women cry by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual. And the answer is yes."
  • "Like my god man people are dead! But no you keep stacking those boxes."
  • "You seen this shit? You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit?"
  • "As they say in Jerry Maguire, 'You had me at AIDS.'”
  • “Papa, today I met a boy with no eyes.”
  • "Adult life is already so goddamn weird."

characters: Arme Thaumaturgy, Erbluhen Emotion (+ Apostasia)
pairing: ^
words: 873
summary: (college!au) Arme takes care of a sick, clingy Erblu.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm a teenager INFP, and i was just wondering why I'm always falling short when it comes to loving people. Is it because people are this age aren't really thinking long term commitment? I just don't see the reason why people date someone who they don't have a future with in the long run, and i feel so out of place sometimes because I'm the only way who thinks that way or something. I feel like me being so intense makes me unlovable i guess

Fellow INFP, can I just take a moment to…..

Originally posted by whatabigpairofgifs

There is NOT a problem with your thinking! I was the exact same way. Teens usually aren’t thinking of long term, well most anyways. Most are just wanting someone on their arm due to pressures and socially acceptable things, etc.. Now I say most because there are some that feel as you do. I never understood any of that. It doesn’t make you unlovable. Do you know how many times I have changed from 16 to now? 5 TIMES. 5 times of changing my viewpoints on love, relationships, feelings. Heck up until 21 I really didn’t care for men or marriage! I always wondered why you would date if there was no long term prospects. If you dated when you were a teen, then why? Were you going to get married? Weren’t you a little young to make such a hasty decision? Does either person know how to run a house financially or even take care of themselves fully? Not to mention all the responsibilities that come with the marriage and the maturity needed to handle relationship hiccups? It just made no sense to me as they didn’t see things as realistically as I did. I am actually just glad to hear this coming from someone else. Now I don’t feel alone either :) 
I have an INFJ friend that just turned 18 and she has felt this way since she was 13. Nothing wrong with it in the least. If anything love, it just means you kinda have yourself.. how do I say this, together. lol
 Never feel that because you have a certain view that it is wrong or that just because everyone else is doing things, that you feel compelled to. Nothing wrong at all with what you are saying. You keep doing you and when the time is right, it will come and you and your partner will be ready.

Message me if you please.

-Best <3

rejection-isnt-failure  asked:

I often feel like I'm not good enough for people. Like nothing I do will ever make people proud of me or even like me. My whole life is about giving to people and they never even realise I'm there. Why do I often feel like I have to change myself to fit their definition of perfect? That's something I told myself I'd never do. I don't have many friends and no one has ever really wanted to get to know me. I'm 21 and feel as lonely as ever. Alex, London

Hi Alex. Honestly, moving past what other people think about us and not comparing ourselves to others can be really hard. First, it’s important to realize that having lots of friends doesn’t necessarily make you feel more connected - what’s most important is having someone you can talk to and be honest with about how you are feeling. Sometimes I takes awhile to find that person. Just know that many of us have had those moments when it felt like we were all alone in the world and no one understand us or even cares. Those moments pass. Take care of yourself. Make time to give back to yourself. Make lists of things you are grateful for and like about yourself….even when it’s hard. And if you need help or support, don’t be afraid to ask for it. We believe in you. We see you. #loveislouder #loudertogether #answertime

Allison and Neil BFF AU

(Is this technically an AU because they’re low key bffs in canon tbh???) 
Sorry this will be an exceedingly long post and I’m on mobile and I can’t do a read more/ I don’t know how??? So I apologize in advance but this HAD to be posted

• so imagine Neil ends up in Phoenix instead of Millport 

• and Allison lives in a much too big house by herself because fuck her parents she doesn’t WANT what they are giving her, so she leaves 

•and they’re both in high school, because what’s a canon timeline, and Allison is about to be a senior and Neil is a little sophomore with a lot of trust issues.

• he doesn’t plan on staying but it’s not like he even knows where to go after this, his mom is dead and he’s on his own so he just doesn’t really KNOW what to do with himself

• and he plays exy because it’s the only thing that makes him feel real

• and that’s how he meets Allison

• She has a thing for strays and sad looking boys with too many scars and she’s super fond of Neil even though he wants nothing to do with her

• and she just keeps bothering him because he’s small and sad looking and she wants to cut his hair because it’s horrible and clean his face because, seriously have you EVER taken care of yourself

• Neil finally gives in and hangs out with her because she’s pushy and maybe she will leave him alone after

• they eat Chinese food and watch a movie in her too big house and Neil can’t help but be anxious and angsty

• it continues where Allison is basically bullying little Neil to hang out with her because tough love™

• after a couple of months he just accepts it, he’s not going to stay anyway why does it matter?

• turns out it does matter because Allison won’t let him leave even if he WANTED TO

• he tries one night after the last game of the year but she won’t let him, in fact she won’t leave him alone at all

• she keeps following him all night and he doesn’t find it as annoying as he should
• he decides it wouldn’t really be too bad to stay for another couple of months so he does.
• the summer would have been boring if it wasn’t for Allison dragging him across Arizona
• they go sight seeing and stay in way too expensive hotels, because she LOVES wasting her parents money
• and one night when they’re near the border of California Neil finally opens up a little bit
• nothing in grave detail because they’re not on that level but he trusts her enough that he tells her his mom is dead and his dad is looking for him
• he tells her he might leave and she looks so MAD
• because screw you neil josten you’re staying here with ME and there is nothing you can do about it
• when they finally make it back to Phoenix she tells him he can stay with her whenever he wants
• it becomes a normal thing, Allison will leave the back door unlocked so he can come in whenever he wants and she has the second bedroom done so he can sleep there comfortably
•. She even puts a lock on his door because she KNOWS him and he’s low key happy about it
• they cook together and sometimes they go on trips to other places
• Neil doesn’t want to ever step foot in California, so Allison takes him to other places like Utah, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico
• she wanted to go to Mexico for a week one summer but she was low key worried about taking Neil out of the country
• what if he doesn’t come back??? Was her biggest fear
• he does leave one night and Allison tries not to worry because he does this sometimes
• he will disappear after practice and not come home until the wee hours of the morning
• so she’s TRYING not to worry but this is Neil commitment issues Josten™
• plus something just doesn’t feel right
• so she waits up all night and when he doesn’t come home she goes to look for him
• she finds him at a bus station with his duffel bag, looking defeated
• and she doesn’t mean to cry but she does
• and Neil’s just as much a mess, he doesn’t know why he couldn’t just LEAVE
• he’s afraid she’ll get hurt if he stays but she’s the closest thing to a family he will ever have
• he doesn’t try to leave again after that
• Allison doesn’t make Neil a key because she knows him better than anyone, maybe more than he knows himself, and she knows that if he has one he will freak out and leave again
• because keys mean he has a place that he can call home and keys are permanent and real
• so she just keeps the doors unlocked when she’s home and if she isn’t she leaves a window unlatched
• because god forbid she accidentally leaves everything locked and he has to break a window to get in, she would KILL HIM
• during her senior year Allison starts vlogging
• soon she’s too popular for her own good and it scares Neil because what if the world sees him??! What if his Dad’s people catch sight of him????
• Allison knows better than to let him get caught so she never says his real name or shows his face on camera
• but boy do people love stories about her nameless roommate
• “he’s an idiot. The other day he tripped on nothing and told me the world was ending when he hit his knee on the banister. But the one time he got hit by a car and was bleeding out he was ‘fine’ he is the most dramatic piece of shit”
• everyone knows she loves him anyway
• when Allison graduated Neil expects her to leave but she doesn’t.
• she stays in the house with him and he doesn’t ask her why because he low key finds it nice
• he keeps playing exy until his senior year and Allison is like a proud mom
• when wymack, Andrew, and Kevin show up to recruit him he thinks he might throw up
• Allison comes into the locker room and has this LOOK on her face and Neil might kill her
• Wymack had tried to recruit her when she was a senior but there was NO WAY she would leave Neil alone in Phoenix with out her
• so she told him to come back in 2 years because he could have a two for one and it would definitely be worth it
• wymack sees what she meant after he watched Neil play
• Allison just crosses her arms and watches with amusement as they try to convince Neil to sign with the foxes
• he looks at her like a deer caught in headlights because, he can’t school his face around her, he needs her help, he can’t just LEAVE her here????
• and Allison just says “it’s okay I’m coming too.”
• and that’s how they both end up on the foxes court the next year (and for the next 5 years)