sometimes i cry because of your face

i wish it were easy to describe what depression feels like. i wish i could explain why i do things like lay in the dark under a blanket it. it’s too hot under the blanket but too cold outside of it. i don’t do anything about it. netflix is prompting me to press the “i’m still here” button but i haven’t worked up the energy to do it. it’s kind of ironic because sometimes with depression it feels like you’re not here or there or anywhere at all. sometimes you lay under a blanket where it’s too hot with tears running down your face. you’re not crying though, you don’t know why you’ve got tears. you’re tired, you’re bored. you’ve got your phone in your hand but refreshing the same apps over and over isn’t enough to distract you. you want to do something to get out of your head but nothing will help. you’ll still be bored. you’ll still be depressed. you just want to close your eyes and go to sleep forever. i wish it were easy to explain why i feel like this but it’s not. any explanation of what i do or how i feel is never as easy as it seems. i’m not laying in the dark doing nothing and listening to my ears ring because i want to. i want to do other things. i want to get up. fuck, i just want to have the willpower enough to watch the next episode but i don’t. i just… don’t.

NCT 127 & TenKunSol reaction to you breaking down and crying during an argument

MASTERLIST

Anon: NCT Reaction to you crying during an argument? Thank you!

I hope this is okay for y’all - decided to do NCT 127 and TenKunSol because you didn’t specify which members!


Taeil:

Originally posted by taeilsgirlfriend

At first, he’d think you were crying because of your argument - to which he thought was quite pathetic. His mind would still be occupied with the argument, but he’d have trouble with ignoring you whimpering a crying on the floor. “Aish, why are you crying like this? I thought I taught you better?” He’d sigh loudly, crossing his arms. But once he realized that you were honestly really crying, he’d walk over to you, wrapping you in a tight hug, apologising for not believing you and that everything would be okay.


Hansol:

Originally posted by nct-rain

He would also be en emotional wreck. A mix between Taeyong and Johnny. This boy would totally worship you in your relationship. He’d think you were an absolute goddess and would literally do anything for you. Therefore, seeing you crying like this, would set the tears off. With tears running down his face, he’d squeeze you so tight in a hug, nuzzling his head into your neck, promising you that he’d do anything to see you smile again, even going as far as leaving the group permanently well that’s if he ever fucking debuts in the first place wtf u doing sm


Johnny:

Originally posted by pawjohnny

Johnny would pick you up gently, bringing you to bed. He wouldn’t wrap you up like Hansol, but hover above you, his body pressed against yours, kissing your face and neck and body softly, telling you how much he loved you. He wouldn’t be trying to initiate anything. He’d just want to prove to you how much he loved you and cared about you. He’d name everything he loved about you, personality wise and looks wise, until eventually after like 732973638 hours he had no more to say. He promised to stay by your side for ever and that he wouldn’t let being apart be the reason for breaking you two up.


Taeyong:

Originally posted by nakamotens

This baby I literally love him to death he’s so soft, would probably cry with you. He’d be crying for you and with you. He knew how you were feeling because he had the same problems too. The stress of being an idol and then rarely seeing you anymore was difficult for him to keep inside; therefore, when he found out you were also crying because of this, the tears would be hard to hold back. The pair of you would cry fro a couple of hours in each other’s arms, until eventually there were no more tears to cry and you could cuddle now happily.


Yuta:

Originally posted by moonyutae

Although he may come across sometimes a little arrogant, but I see him being very emotionally attached to his partner. His heart would shatter when he saw you crying on the floor. He’d rush to your side, sitting down beside you and bring you onto his lap and into his arms. Brushing your hair out of your face, he’d wrap you tightly in his arms, rocking the pair of you from side to side. “Please, Y/N, tell me what’s wrong. I’ll help you, I promise”.


Kun:

Originally posted by hansoulji

He’d stare at you in shock, not knowing what to say. Eventually, he’d leave the room and call you Taeil or Jaehyun to find out what to do with you. Soon, he’d decide to just hold you in his arms, wipe away your tears and reassure you that everything would be okay. The next day, when you were feeling better, he’d take you out to your favourite restaurant or shop, and promise to buy you as much food or clothing you wanted, in attempt to cover up how “bad” a boyfriend he was for not knowing what to do.


Doyoung:

Originally posted by nctuhohahyes

Sunshine Doyoung would kiss you all over your face, completely forgetting the reason you were fighting. He’d try to smile for you, but this would be difficult for him because he couldn’t help but worry. Eventually he’d give up, resorting to just holding you into your arms, singing your favourite songs quietly. He’d probably stuff you to death with food too, claiming food would make every better which was true actually.


Ten:

Originally posted by nctuhohahyes

This lil’ sunshine would do anything to see you smile again. He’d help you out of the kitchen and into the lounge, where he’d sit you down with a tub of ice cream, whilst providing you with some entertainment not that kind of entertainment you perv lol. He’d dance for you, sing for you, do some really bad impressions of the other members and management, and would serenade you a little bit .Obviously this worked, and within the hour, you were back to your usual self.


Jaehyun:

Originally posted by jaehyunsource

Jaehyun would stand there in utter shock watching you cry. He wouldn’t know what to do, and probably pull a dick move and run out of the apartment, trying to cool off from your argument and think of something to make you feel better. This, however, would only make you feel worse bout yourself, and you’d end up crying yourself to sleep as a result. When he returned and found you curled up in bed clutching a pillow, he’d regret running out. Crawling into bed next to you, you hold you too your chest, whispering how much he loved you and was sorry in your ear.


WinWin:

Originally posted by fairyprincewinwin

His eyebrows would knit when he saw you with tears running down your face. He was used to the bright little sunshine that you were. Crouching down in front of you, he’d cup your face in his hands, asking what was wrong. When you told him it was because of the stress and not seeing him much anymore, he’d gently reassure you with his words that he’d never leave you and loves you and that he would do anything to help you out.


Mark:

Originally posted by nakamotens

This awkward bean wouldn’t know what to do. He’d crouch down beside you, patting your hair down awkwardly. “C’mon, Y/N, pl-please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay”, he’d try his best to reassure you with his words. That night he’d write you a small rap about all the things he loved about you, and would present it to you the next day all charming like. He’d tell you that he had cancelled all his schedules for the rest of the month to be with you and catch up on some quality time together.


Haechan:

Originally posted by haenyan

Haechan also would have no clue what to do. He probably would just hug you tightly in his arms, kiss your hair and promising that everything was okay. For the next few days, he’d act like the “perfect” boyfriend in attempt to make you feel better. Buying roses for you, making breakfast in bed, taking you out to posh restaurants. You’d appreciate the gestures but made him promise to you that you could treat him sometimes too.

Fair Ravenclaw

We are Ravenclaw.
We are blue and bronze.
We are the whistling of the wind.
We are clouds and dust.

We are the sunrise and witty lines.
We are the pens that are mightier than the swords.
Sometimes our patience is shorter than our laughs.
Sometimes our words are harder than our bones.
We know. We’ll apologize.
We are the dealers of stories and keepers of legends.
We pay in riddles and trade in ballads.
We are the poems from ancient times and the songs you’ll sing in decades.
And we’ll be just and old and wise.

And forgotten.

Every book has a last chapter.
A last page. A last line. A last word.
And sometimes I don’t want to go.
Sometimes I don’t want to close the book.
I don’t want to forget.
But that’s all I can do, the voice yells at me.
That’s all I am there for.

Sometimes I tell a fairytale. And I stop in the middle.
Sometimes my words are stuck in my throat.
And I look at friends and see them wonder:
Does she really believe all that?
And I can’t help but think:
Should I not believe in it?

And the voice goes:
No.
You.
Shouldn’t.
You.
Are.
No.
Child.

And it hurts.
So much.

But then you are there.
With hope in your eyes.
And a laugh on your face.
And you are reaching out to me.

And you ask:
“Can you tell me a story?”

And I could cry.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank. You.

And I nod.
Because yes.
I believe in this.
In those stories
And fairytales
And myths
And legends
And dreams.

And how they will be told in times of trouble.
How they will be whispered around the fire.
How they will conquer the world long after my story has ended.

But for now…

Let me tell you a story.
Because in the end,
We are all stories.
We are the ravens flying high.
We have our head in the clouds but are down to earth.
So let’s make it count.
I know we can.

{But please, don’t haunt me.}

I know it hurts, God I know better than anyone what it’s like to see people come and go more than they should in your life. I know it hurts & you don’t expect it to hurt as much cause it seems like it’s a daily thing for you but it still hurts whenever someone leaves when they promised they wouldn’t. I know you want it to not be true and I know you just wanna wake up from this bad dream you call life and I am so sorry you can’t shake this feeling. I know it hurts because you feel so alone and you don’t know who to be without him and you feel empty inside but my love you were whole before him. You’ll be whole again it just takes time and I know you don’t have that much time because your kindness is growing weaker with everyone person who walks away but please don’t lose that love you have inside you. That fire that seems to never go out but feels like it does whenever this happens. You are so much more than a little ass or a year of I love you’s. I wish you could see that you don’t need love to be complete and you definitely don’t need him. I know you don’t wanna hear this right now but he left. He’s not coming back and I know it hurts cause he promised but sometimes people make promises and break them. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault it just means life is taking its course to try and bring you down. I know it hurts to see him being happy while you’re crying yourself to sleep. I know it hurts to see him happily going on with life when life has paused for you. I know it hurts because now you’re greeted with empty words instead of Goodnights. I know it hurts because you now wake up to a ragging headache and a dry face from crying yourself to sleep instead of a good morning text and I love you. I know it hurts because he’s the first person you wanna tell good news to or talk about your fears but he’s gone. He’s off having fun while you’re drinking 7 shots of vodka just to feel a little less hopeless and it’s anything but fair. Soon he’ll be a faded face, I promise you. Soon his name won’t sting as much and soon you’ll learn to love yourself again. But please all I ask if just don’t give up. Don’t lose that fire that’s inside of you. Don’t become cold because one boy broke your heart, he’s not worth it. Don’t lose that love for painting. Don’t lose your love for finding love. Don’t lose who you are just because he has made you wonder who you are to begin with recently. I know it hurts, God I am so sorry. I know he’s not here to say it’s gonna be okay but I’m here. I’m here & it’s gonna be okay. It has to be okay.
1. I took a walk the other night and it was so cold I couldn’t move my fingers. I stayed out much longer than I should have, because it was better to be cold than to be sad.
2. I cut and dyed my hair, even got a piercing because I so badly didn’t want to be myself anymore. I’m trying to let go of that fragile girl I used to be, I never really liked her.
3. I tried to wash all the pain away but I just ended up lying down on the shower floor wanting to die.
4. I swallowed a handful of pills. I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s a lie, I knew exactly what I was thinking. I didn’t want to be sad anymore.
5. Sometimes I look through your pictures and this smile arranges itself on my face. But then I feel the massive empty space that you’re supposed to take up and the smile diminishes.
6. I play my favorite song and then I realize that your memory has stained it, and I can’t listen to it without crying.
7. I tried to love someone else. It didn’t really work out because while her laugh was lovely, yours caused earthquakes.
—  M.O.W, 7 ways I tried to eliminate my sadness
BTS reaction to you crying because of their tour

anon:How BTS Reacts to You Crying Because They’re About to Leave For Tour  

It’s not the best thing that I had write but I still believe that you will like this^^ -admin Evv 

Jin

Originally posted by theseoks

Jin and you were sitting in car enjoing last minutes together before he would go to the plane. You couldn’t hold your emotions inside and started to cry, imagining how empty will be your life and house without him for next few months.  He would shower you with kisses and try to make you smile one more time before he leave. Jin was sad but not showing it to you to not make you more sad. He promise you that he’ll be giving you “suprises” to show you how he miss you. On tour everytime when he’ll get a chance Jin would “throw” kissed to camera for you, wondering that you’ll feel like he’s next to you.

“You can cry only know, okay? When I won’t be by your side you can’t cry. I’ll be always thinking about you and calling to you everytime when I can. Stay healthy and eat a lot.”

Yoongi

Originally posted by ygnj

You promise him that you won’t cry. You were always acting like women/man that is not crying because of small reason like tour. Yoongi knew your true feelings and that in real you’ll be miss him every day more than day before. Same like him. Seeing you crying would make him sad and now he realise how hard will be for him this separation. Yoongi would dry your tears with his thumb and sad expression. It would be hard leave you in airport crying. Everytime he would turn to you and looking if you are still crying and to appreciate his beautiful gf/bf. When he will turn to you for the last time,he would do aegyo to cheer you up, smile and send a kiss

“Now you’re making me more sad than I were. It’s only 1 month. We’ll see each other soon.I’m going to miss you more than you think.”

Hoseok

Originally posted by jeonsshi

It was foreseeable that Hobis’ tour will be hard for both of you. You and Hobi never spend more than 24hours far from eachother. Joint at the hip (like this two parrots-idk their name 😂) -everyone were saying like this about you two. So when you started to cry he would try hard to not cry with you. He hated to see you crying so he would try his best to make you smile even when it was sad moment for him too (maybe even more sad for him than you). Somehow this situation would make him a little bit happy because you love him that much that you don’t want to apart with him for few months. After long, tight hug Hobi would kiss you for goodbye and promise you to call you when plane with land

“No.no.no. Don’t cry or I’ll start crying with you. Y/n, I’ll miss you so muuch. We’ll get through this. Time and distance doesn’t metter. ”

Namjoon

Originally posted by baebsaes

You helped him to pack his luggage because he could forget about something (or broke). You were checking if you had pack everything for him. Namjoon without warning back hugged you and put his head on yours. Some tears fall from your eyes because you knew that for few months he won’t be by your side and that you won’t feel his touch at your skin. He saw that you’re crying but he let you cry. Of course Namjoon would try to calm you with his touch and soft words. It was hard for him to leave you too but someone have to be strong and don’t cry to upraise partner. Namjoon knew that it would be always hard for both of you to split up for a long time but he believed in your realtionship and he knew that you too.

“I know that you’re sad bby but tours are part of my job.When I’ll back we’ll spend together all day.”

Jimin

Originally posted by kookies-for-taehyung

You couldn’t go to airport with him because of fans. They don’t know about your realtionship with Jimin. So you were in his dorm waiting when he’ll be redy to bid him goodbye. When you saw Jimin smiling face you hide your face in your hands and stared to cry.  Seeing you cry would broke his heart. He doesn’t want to leave you but he have to. He knew that it could be hard to contact sometimes and seeing you now crying make him worried how would you react when he can’t contact with you for a long time. Chim would hug you and telling quietly to you earn how he loves you and that he’ll back soon. With heavy heart he leave dorm. When he get in car he look at window where you were waving to him with smile and tears in your eyes. He smile to you and send you quick kiss, believe that you won’t cry anymore.

“I love you, Y/n. I don’t want to leave you. I’ll try to facetime you everyday. I promise. Please, stop cry”

Taehyung

Originally posted by unicornrulerofnarnia

When Tae told you about his tour you said that you’re happy because of that “You won’t be getting in my way when I’ll be doing something and I’ll have peace and quiet.” That was what you told him. But the truth is that you don’t want to show him how you’ll be missing him and that you’re sad and scared that he could meet someone prettier and better. Who know what idea can pop into his head. Tae loves you and you know about this but still thought of loosing him scares you. So now, when both of you are standing last time together before tour and when you saw his smile you couldn’t hold tears. Tae was a little bit suprised because he remember what you had said. He hug you and tryied to calm you down. Tears would show on his eyes too but he dry it before you saw them. He would call you and talk with you till he walk into plane and assure you that there is no more precious person for him than you.

“woow. You told me that you’re happy that I’m leaving and now you’re crying. You’re making me confused. Goosh. I’ll miss you! Don’t cry and don’t be sad. I’ll be with you in your heart and you’ll be in mine.”

Jungkook          

Originally posted by vmintrash

You’re holding his hand like it can be last time. When time to say goodbye come you burst into tears. Jungkookie was sad seeing you like this. It was hard for him to leave you but he doesn’t show it because he knew that you’ll feel more down. So he smiled and told you that he’ll be calling you and there is no need to be sad. When he was going to plane, he turn to you, smiled and waved. His smile disappear when you couldn’t see him. Then he started to showing his sadness. He would still remembering how you cried and even if he was so happy to see his fans from all over the world, he would like to run to you, hug, stay with you and never let you out from his arms.

“It’s only 2 months, Y/n. You’ll be fine~ Stop crying. I want to see your smile before I’ll go. Don’t talk with other boys, think only about me like I’ll be thinking about you.”

Maybe you’re like me tonight

Maybe you’re scrolling through tumblr to numb the storm that’s raging in your heart and wasting time until you can fall asleep

Maybe you’re laying on your bedroom floor in surrounded by your tears and consumed by your fears

Maybe you’re crying in the shower for the tenth time this week because you can’t face your family or your roommates or your husband or your wife or your boyfriend or girlfriend or yourself with tears streaming down your face

Maybe you’re crying over the same stupid boy for the millionth time and hating him because he’s made it so very clear he’s happy with someone else

Maybe you’re crying because everyone else is married or has a boyfriend or has their life together

Maybe you’re thinking of just ending it all

Maybe the thought of not having to face another day seems like the best option of them all 

Maybe you believe in Jesus like I do

But maybe sometimes you question Him and you question yourself and you question your beliefs and you question your faith and you question every. single. thing. that comes into your mind.

Maybe the darkness of depression won today and the light of Jesus wasn’t shining as bright as it has before.

Or maybe you’re spending the evening surrounded by your closest friends and laughing until your stomach hurts or drinking the night away

But maybe, just maybe, deep down you feel it too. 


Tonight I cried in front of my mom for the first time in a very, very long time. You see, she struggles with depression too. And I’ve just recently found the strength to talk to my doctor and my boss and my best friends about the darkness that is depression and how it’s overtaken my life lately. But I haven’t told her. I can’t tell her. I can’t let her down. I can’t let her feel like she’s failed anymore than she already feels she has.
She held me and I cried and I shook and I got mascara all over her shirt. Bless her soul. 

She picked my head up and she said to me,
“You are strong. You are beautiful. You are smart.”
“Everything will be alright. And I don’t know what that looks like.”
“There’s more to life than boyfriends and babies.”

So through my teary, teary eyes let me pick your head up, even for just a moment.

YOU are strong. YOU are beautiful. YOU are smart.
I don’t know what alright looks like for you, but I know it will be all right. 

Let me pick your head up through a computer screen and typed letters and a very long post. Let me pick your head up because I know heads can get so heavy when they’re filled with sadness and darkness and racing thoughts and brokenness. 

I wish I could give you a reason to stay here on earth for just one more day, but I’m honestly struggling to find one for myself tonight. I do know, that whoever you are, where ever you are, you have worth. And I do too. And maybe tomorrow will be brighter. Or maybe we’ll cry ourselves to sleep again. Let’s hold on, together, for whatever reason, for one more day.

19 things i learned at the age of 19:

1. if he broke you, he won’t be the one to fix you

2. people are here one day and gone the next, appreciate them to the fullest

3. make sure he know how you feel about him

4. make sure he knows when he’s hurt you

5. gather the courage to walk away from things and people that hurt you

6. but only if the hurt surpasses the love and happiness

7. you are not your mistakes, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise
 8. if you mess up, get up and fight even harder because nothing worth attaining is easy

9. put on your favorite pair of jeans, your cutest sneakers, your warmest sweater and go out into the rain

10. be kind to everyone, yes everyone, until they give you a reason not to be, then be as cruel as you’d like

11. what people say when they’re angry may seem as though it is the most painful thing you’ve felt, but i promise you, it hurts them more than it does you once it has come out of their mouths

12. even when it feels like the whole world is against you and there is nothing left to fight for, fight for yourself

13. you may think that you’ve gotten your whole life figured out, but i promise you, you will change your mind so many times and that’s okay, life is about taking different paths until you get to your destination 

14. even if you have no idea what you want to do with your life, get up in the morning and do something anyway because the more places you go and the more of life you see, the more you’ll love life

15. wake up with a smile on your face, even if it’s forced; one day, i promise you, it won’t be

16. just because you cry, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human; so let the tears fall and pick yourself up and don’t cry for the same reason again

17. tell your little sister you love her, she sees the pain you’re in and she hurts just as much as you; let her know she’s appreciated 
 18. your mom has been through so much, and sometimes it gets to be too much for her and all she can do is let it out; sometimes she’ll release it on you, that doesn’t mean she loves you any less

19. and lastly, when you find comfort in a boy with the softest brown eyes, remember that he is dreamy and he is exactly what you need at that moment, but you cannot make him your home because he isn’t vacant

for anon who requested something super fluffy about vernon and his long distance girlfriend. i had so so much fun writing this and may have gone a lil overboard, but im still excited. i hope you like it! (also, sorry for any typos or weird grammar errors, i still need to do a lil bit of editing but i didnt want you to wait too long before i posted it <3)

genre: the fluffiest fluff

word count: 1,256

warnings: none <3

Originally posted by xoxo-vernon

     It was early. It was cold. You were tired. Honestly, by this point, the only thing you wanted was food that wasn’t from an airplane, but you still had 3 hours to go. Staring out the window at the perfect, fluffy clouds eventually got boring, so you shut your eyes and tried your hardest to get another nap in.
When you woke up again, the plane was just about to land. It took you a second, but once you came to your surroundings, your heart jumped. You were gonna see him again. Biting back a grin, you waited patiently for the plane to land, and once it did, you were desperate to get back on land.
Coming out of the airport and into a taxi, you had realized a terrible mistake in fashion. Where you lived, it was really warm, but it was still chilly in Korea. You wrapped your arms around yourself and hoped that the dorm the boys stayed in was relatively close. To your relief, the taxi quickly made it to the dorm where your boyfriend and his 12 band mates lived. Biting back nerves and any fears, you swallowed, and raised your hand to the door. A couple short knocks seemed to echo inside until the door opened to a very shocked Seungcheol. Before he could say anything, you interrupted him, praying that he wouldn’t ruin the surprise. 

Keep reading

every time neil gets himself injured on the court, and refuses to go to abby about it because he doesnt like showing people his scars even though shes already seen him and he gets so much shit from andrew about it how stupid do you have to be to hit yourself in the face with your own racket? but then andrew just brings him into the locker room and begrudgingly fixes him up without any more comments. and he sometimes runs his fingers over neils scars, because he sees them as something different, he sees them as beautiful. he’d never admit it, but neil knows. he knows that he sees them as part of neil, and he loves the whole of him, even the things neil sees as ugly.

The Memories Of You

Characters: reader, Dean, Sam, Rowena

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: little angsty, bit fluffy

Word count: 3013

A/N: based around the episode: Regarding Dean

You couldn’t believe your eyes as you looked over at Dean, you were so angry that you thought steam must have been coming out of your ears and your face must have been bright red. Sam tried to calm you down in the bar, but all you could think about was that stupid bitch with her hands all over Dean. It’s not like he tried to stop her, you didn’t even want to watch more after it looked like she was about to lean in and kiss him.

Keep reading

if you’re reading this and i’m not here to explain everything to you, i would like for you to know a few things about why things don’t work out as planned. i don’t want you to think that you’re not worth every inch of your beating heart, you want to be loved and to feel wanted, in truth, i want the exact same thing, but it’s much less about someone else wanting me and more of wanting myself before anyone gets a try at trying to love someone that’s like me and i’ve been told a lot lately from a few different people that i should be careful about you and how you’ll hurt me if it comes down to it. i’m not worried about getting hurt because i’ve been too numb to even notice and that’s alright. i’ve hurt someone that’s very important to me and i can’t fix it, they say that i have to let things go and get over it– it’s been, fuck i don’t keep track of the days anymore. it’s just been a really long time and she still has bits of my heart and it’s really not your fault. maybe we met at the wrong time, maybe i shouldn’t have bought so many flowers. maybe i shouldn’t have kissed you, i promise i’m not trying to lead you on. i realized a week ago that when you looked me in the eyes and saw a whole future with me, it scared me. i don’t have much to offer, but poetry, books and my piano. i’m living in a modern day renaissance and i don’t know if i’m ready to fall in love anymore, i guess you’re right, i don’t know how to open up anymore. being happy comes up short most days, if i keep listening to these sad songs and see her face but not yours, these flaws are mine and mine only. acceptance is like a season that doesn’t fade, we ask the weather to be more than tempting and ask the wind to take us away. i am missing a few screws in my head and there’s moondust where hands used to pull me under, there’s sunlight where i’ve fallen for light love, how can i love myself if i keep trying to destroy my progress? my cousin says that you must love the struggle because if you’re at the top one day and you can’t see the grind to get to where you want to be, if you don’t respect the hustle and bustle of busy hearts trying to beat, if you can’t love yourself enough to let her go, if you’re wondering while you’re wandering– then dreams will stay as dreams and never will they enter your reality. you’ve heard this before, it’s not you, it’s me. another silly excuse for me to be distant. another reason the ocean drowns with the distance between islands of fire and seas of ice, sometimes i think it’d be nice to hold you just to have someone to hold, but what kind of person would i be if i didn’t show something genuine to you? these are the letters that you won’t read, these are the pieces of my tattered heart that you can see, and i’m so sorry about not visiting as much or talking as much or smiling as much or loving as much or anything related to telling you that we’re doing okay. i’m kinda lost right now and i can’t shake the feeling that a close friend of mine has died. i find more comfort with shadows than i do with your hugs and your smiling. i guess i really am messed up. i just don’t know how to love people like that anymore. do you love the idea of me or do you love me? a question that’ll haunt me until my last days. which parts of us do we truly understand? the universe is far too vast, we are but tiny specks of stardust inside a grain of sand trying to feel large. my life is an hourglass and i’ve been slowly falling for the reason as to why i shouldn’t stay, i don’t feel like i’m worth your time and that’s a big problem to me. i can’t love you if i’m in love with someone else. i can’t love you if i don’t love myself. you said that it’s not true. you can love people without being in love with yourself. it’s true. i’ve done it. i became a writer that way, but before i start using the word love carelessly– i want to treat my own body like it’s a sapling that’s not quite the tree that i’d sit under to read my favorite book. i want to make music with my veins pressed down into journals, so that even if i leave this place some day, at least i left my blood with my words and my lips with the meaning. i want to scratch my name into the stars and ask the sun to glow under my skin, which way is towards freedom of pain? or are we destined to be hurt? i want to love each parts of myself enough to carry my own name in silence because when you love people and you have nothing left for yourself and they leave– that’s where all the heartbroken artists live and still live even after they’ve healed. i’ve seen your response, i am living proof that you can love people even if you don’t love yourself. it has both made me a better person, but it has also broke a part of me that i can’t fix. they say that men shouldn’t cry because it’s weak. i used to be quite different. now, i think it’s okay to cry. sometimes when a good song comes on, i feel things that i can’t explain, i am a certain way that’s left to the unknown. i’ve been asking people a question. how do you know when you’re in love with someone? when you hear their name, your face lights up. when you’re having a bad day and all they have to do is be there for you to feel better. when you’re just absolutely sure that it is love and not an illusion. i don’t feel any of those things for anyone, but i’d like to have enough confidence to tell you that you are beautiful, i just can’t fix yet another broken person with my smile. my sister tells me that i attract broken people through my insane methods of empathy, i can be lethal if not taken in small doses. i think it’s like that for anyone who just needs to forget. are you trying to forget about someone too? i wanted you to feel pretty, so i bought my favorite flowers for you. i wanted to give attention, so i write to you. i wanted you to know that you’re too angry, i understand anger, so maybe that’s why we’re close. they say that passion is destructive by nature because if you want it bad enough, you’d do anything to make it happen. they say that if you want someone badly enough, there isn’t an excuse big enough out there that you’ll be able to say to not do it. i don’t have any excuses. no more promises. i don’t have a lie up my sleeve. i don’t have a smile for your bad days. i can’t be in your future if i’m uncertain about mine. i can’t be your lover if i am broken too. cracked hearts need clarity not romance. a pair of sad eyes need self-reflection not sex. a smile that’s fake enough to trick the sun into believing that it has shined there once upon a time, it needs someone that’s able to help you grow. i don’t think i’m that person. everyone has got problems and who doesn’t hate themselves on a really bad day? i guess i’m just a little tired of giving myself up for something that isn’t promised tomorrow. because when you’re alone and it’s just you, only you can fix your problems. no one else. just me, myself and i. maybe i’m selfish. maybe i’m full of shit. but if that’s what it takes to fix this heart of mine, i’ll give it all away just to feel another day. so if you find this some day and i’m no longer around–
it’s not your fault, i’m just trying to figure it all out.
—  read this when i’m not around
19 things i learned at the age of 19:
1. if he broke you, he won’t be the one to fix you
2. people are here one day and gone the next, appreciate them to the fullest
3. make sure he knows how you feel about him
4. make sure he knows when he’s hurt you
5. gather the courage to walk away from things and people that hurt you
6. but only if the hurt surpasses the love and happiness
7. you are not your mistakes, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise
8. if you mess up, get up and fight even harder because nothing worth attaining is easy
9. put on your favorite pair of jeans, your cutest sneakers, your warmest sweater and go out into the rain
10. be kind to everyone, yes everyone, until they give you a reason not to be, then be as cruel as you’d like
11. what people say when they’re angry may seem as though it is the most painful thing you’ve felt, but i promise you, it hurts them more than it does you once it has come out of their mouths
12. even when it feels like the whole world is against you and there is nothing left to fight for, fight for yourself
13. you may think that you’ve gotten your whole life figured out, but i promise you, you will change your mind so many times and that’s okay, life is about taking different paths until you get to your destination
14. even if you have no idea what you want to do with your life, get up in the morning and do something anyway because the more places you go and the more of life you see, the more you’ll love life
15. wake up with a smile on your face, even if it’s forced; one day, i promise you, it won’t be
16. just because you cry, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human; so let the tears fall and pick yourself up and don’t cry for the same reason again
17. tell your little sister you love her, she sees the pain you’re in and she hurts just as much as you; let her know she’s appreciated
18. your mom has been through so much, and sometimes it gets to be too much for her and all she can do is let it out; sometimes she’ll release it on you, that doesn’t mean she loves you any less
19. and lastly, when you find comfort in a boy with the softest brown eyes, remember that he is dreamy and he is exactly what you need at that moment, but you cannot make him your home because he isn’t vacant

anonymous asked:

I made this request days ago, and I think tumblr ate it 😨 bisexual mc? Im not feeling very validated at the moment because of this...

∑(;°Д°)ᵒᵐᵍᵎᵎᵎ It did eat it!! I’m sorry about that. I wish tumblr could get the messaging system working right…

Before I get this HC started, I do want to say a few things. You mentioned you weren’t feeling validated due to you being bisexual? That’s what i’m assuming from how its worded. 

I want you to know that It Is Okay. That’s a very cliche thing to say, but you matter and are valid. It took me years to find out I was bisexual, and I was scared at first. 

You are not being ‘Greedy’, you are not being a ‘thief’. You are not ‘confused’. You are YOU. Don’t let others tell you how you are just due to your sexuality. You are not hurting anyone, you are not hurting the world. You are existing, and you have every single right!

We can’t control who we fall in love with. Just because it happens to be more than one gender does not make you a horrible person. It just means you’re able to open your heart in ways others can’t.

I’m always here to talk to you if you need it, anon! I love you, don’t feel so bad about yourself, okay? 

Here’s how the crew would react! o(*^▽^*)o

Zen

-You were kind of scared to tell him. Sometimes guys could react badly, or in a gross way and immediately bring up the idea of threesomes.

-It was about a month after the RFA party that you told him. You didn’t know why, but you felt like you just needed to get it out in the open.

-You sat him down and took a deep breath, starting-stopping-starting again. God, you had admitted this to friends before! Why was this so hard?

-He noticed you tearing up, and he reached over and held your hand. He wanted to pull you to him and hug you, but he didn’t really know if this was some break-up moment (He Was Scared) or if something was wrong.

-”I…I just thought that, since it’s clear we’re going to be a couple, that i should…I should tell you that I’m bisexual.”

-Oh. Oh thank god. He was so scared you were going to break up with him. He even let out a shaky laugh until he saw the tears in your eyes. Bad move bad move!

-”Hey, heyheyhey.” Now he did finally pull you into a hug, his hands lightly rubbing up and down your spine. “I wasn’t laughing at you, I was just nervous, don’t worry.”

-”A-Are you okay with that?”

-”Okay? I’m more than okay, mc. It’s fine. I still love you just as much as before. You’d have to kill someone to get me to dislike you, and hell, that would just depend on the person, okay?”

-He cupped your face and kissed the corners of your eyes. 

-”Bottom line, mc, is that I love you. I love you for you.”

Jaehee

-You really, really wanted to tell her this.

-You weren’t sure how it happened. You were just relaxing with her, drinking some nice decaf coffee she made while the two of you watched a DVD. She was letting you lean against her in a friendly cuddle.

-Maybe it was how relaxed you were? The coffee? How the temperature was just perfect and had you in an almost sleepy state?

-”Jaehee,” You started, holding your coffee lightly. “Would you still like me if I was bi?”

-Poor baby was so shocked by the sudden question. She sat up and immediately paused the movie.

-You, on the other hand, were shaking with how careless you brought it up. You clutched the coffee cup, too scared to move or else your jerky movements would cause it to spill all over you.

-”Mc? Why do you think I wouldn’t?”

-Oh god. You blinked back oncoming tears. “I. I don’t….Know. I’ve had a few friends leave after I-”

-Jaehee was having None of that. She hugged you tight, your back against her chest, and she put her cheek on top of your head.

-”Who you are isn’t going to change our relationship. I still love you.”

-Now you were actually crying. You really loved her too…You didn’t know if this was also a confession from her, since the two of you still hadn’t established what you…were? Yet.

-After a few moments, she loosened her grip.

-”Actually…Mc…I think I may be bisexual too.”

Jumin

-You were trying to give him tips on how the two of you could make your relationship better.

-Because, let’s face it, Jumin did manage to mess things up every now and then. He sometimes couldn’t gauge your emotions, and that led to some intense moments at times.

-But you two were working through it. You loved each other and wanted this to work. So, for some examples, you were talking about your exes.

-”He was a mess… I think the only decent relationship I had been in, before you, was with Sarah. I mean, obviously things didn’t work out between us, and I don’t want to get back together with her, but some things that helped my relationship with her was-”

-”Sarah? Mc, you’ve dated a woman before?”

-Instantly, you froze. You just got so in the zone of trying to be Relationship Counselor (with your own relationship for the first time, too), that you completely forgot you hadn’t brought this up with Jumin before.

-And you were scared. Out of all the people you knew, rich types seemed to be the worst when it came to Out Of The Norm things. Especially sexuality.

-”I…Yes. Yes, I have.”

-”Interesting.” He paused, and with each second you felt your eyes water up. “Mc, are you crying?”

-You nodded, trying to wipe the tears away. “Is. Is that okay? Are you mad?”

-”No. Why would I be mad?”

-He pulled your hands away from your face, looking intently at you. “Did you think I would dislike you for that?”

-”I-I don’t know. You paused for so long and I w-was just scared!”

-He pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around you.

-”If it’s any consolation, I was thinking on if we could use that experience of yours to help me understand you more. I thought maybe your perspective on dating a woman would help me understand more on how…Women think? Does that sound sexist?”

-”You’re okay with me being bi?”

-He kissed your forehead. “I don’t see how it’s an issue. You’re in a relationship with me now. Your past relationships, regardless of the genders, don’t bother me. I love you.”

-He went on a bit about his earlier musings over if his statement was sexist or not, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You ended up burying your face against him, crying a bit as you were so thankful he didn’t toss you aside for being yourself.

Yoosung

-The two of you had been going out for a couple of months. Nothing hot and heavy, just cute, innocent, loving relationship for the moment.

-This was his first time dating seriously. He wanted to take things slow because he was too scared he’d mess it all up, and you respected that.

-So, a lot of the times, your dates did center around gaming. I mean, games are fun! And it’s fun just to cuddle up with someone and play too.

-This gaming session, the two of you were playing computer games. Him on his computer playing a special event for LOLOL, and you browsing your folder of indie games.

-You found one you were excited to play, but had forgotten about due to…Well…The RFA. It was a cute dating sim you found! You could even choose to be a girl while romancing other girls! Yess!

-You weren’t used to these games allowing that, so you plugged in your headphones, laid back on his bed, and gamed away.

-About an hour later, you were so focused on the game. You had almost filled up the first heart with this girl! She was so cute!

-Yoosung had finished the event, and looked at you so intent on your game. He smiled and walked over, leaning down and nuzzling your hair.

-”Whatcha playing?”

-”A dating game,” You mumbled, “I gotta get this date! She’ll tell me more about herself if I make this good!”

-”A dating game? And…You’re dating a girl?”

-”Yeah, she’s super cute! Look at her!”

-Wait wait wait wait. Reality finally caught up to you- You weren’t just talking to one of your friends who lived for these games, you were talking to Yoosung.

-You felt panic wash through you and you tensed. 

-”You…Like girls?” He said it so confused, so unsure. 

-”Uhm….Y-yeah. I mean, I’m in a relationship with you, s-so I’m not like. You know. Trying to…Get with a girl…Now…”

-”Ooh, okay. Is the game fun?”

-He said it so casually. What??

-”Yoosung, are you okay with me..Also liking girls?”

-He smiled and kissed your head. “Yeah! I don’t mind. One of my favorite characters from my games is bisexual! She kicks ass!”

-He slipped down to his knees, resting his head against the mattress as he angled to watch your computer screen better.

-”So, what’s her name? What do you have to do to get the dates to go right? Is it fully voiced?”

-God he just…Didn’t mind. You let out a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down from the sudden rush of nerves.

-”Y-yeah! Here, let me pull up a summary…”

-You felt so, so fucking lucky to have found Yoosung. He literally could not be more amazing.

Seven

-He knew. Granted, not from you telling him, but from an old profile of yours he found when doing that background check on you.

-He didn’t bring it up, or teased you that he knew. He didn’t want to make you think it was bad, so he waited until you felt comfortable.

-But…

-”Hey, mc?” 

-You looked up from the onion you were cutting for dinner (You were going to make this man eat something that wasn’t those damn chips god help you), feeling a bit confused with how serious he sounded. “Yeah?”

-”Would you still want to be with me even if I was bi?”

-You almost dropped your knife. “W-What??”

-Oops. He looked a little hurt. “Don’t freak out, I still love you-”

-”Nonononono!” You rushed out, putting the knife down and grabbing his hands. “No, no! It’s okay! It’s so okay! I was. I was just surprised. I’m like that too!”

-He gave you a big grin. “Yeah?”

-”Yeah! So I’m okay with it!!”

-”Good.” He pecked your forehead. “I’m okay with you being bi, too.”

-You couldn’t help yourself- You gave him a tight hug and giggled a bit. “I was wondering when to tell you myself…”

-He’d probably be the type to point out cute people with you. You two just going “Ooh, he’s cute. Oh wow, she looks so pretty!” together without being jealous. You two just appreciated how people looked at times!


♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) Hey anon, did you know Jaehee and Seven are bisexual too?  That might also help you!

(Poly!Hamilsquad x Reader) ‘Cause You Had a Bad Day

(I want you all to know that I created this account for the sole purpose of writing fics and reblogging fandom things without being judged by my followers on my main blog. 

This fic takes place in the modern au, reader is a college student, this is my first fic and if you all like it then it definitely won’t be my last Hamilsquad fic 

Word count: 3256 

Gimme some feedback, I hope you enjoy m’loves! )

It was cold.

Much colder than you had anticipated for a mid-October evening.

It felt more like the beginnings of January when it wasn’t even technically fall yet. A gentle rain had settled over the town you lived in, a soft pitter-pattering of droplets onto the ground succeeding calming you down. You were sitting at a bus stop a fair way from your home and had been for at least a few hours. The sky was dark and you had turned your phone off because the boys wouldn’t stop trying to contact you. You had a huge blowout with your boyfriends after you’d come home from class.

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Nemesis Mine

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11. Simon.

This is the worst fight Basilton and I have ever had.

It couldn’t have come at a worse time. Baz didn’t come back to the room last night and I haven’t seen him all day. I’m worried that something’s happened to him. Either that, or he’s seriously mad at me, and I don’t know what I did.

I think my wing might be broken. It hurts when I move it. On top of that, I can feel a black eye forming, my head is pounding like hell, and my entire body feels sore. I’m bleeding in at least three places.

I can’t fly home, and the wing hurts too much, so I transform back into my normal form and catch a taxi back to Watford. The driver looks concerned and suggests that we detour by the hospital, but I insist on going straight home.

I’ll be fine. I heal quickly. It’ll just hurt for a day or two. I haven’t been this badly hurt before, but Baz always helps me. I’ll have to come up with some explanation. (I don’t want to lie to him. Not again.)

I trudge up the stairs to our room, wincing in pain with every step. When I open the door, I find Baz sitting at his desk and breathe a sigh of relief. The door swings shut behind me with a thud that reverberates loudly through my head.

I groan, taking two steps into the room and collapsing on my bed. The impact sends fresh pain through my body.

‘Fuck, everything hurts,’ I whimper into my pillow. I’m met with silence, and after I wait for half a minute and nothing happens, I turn my head to look at Baz. He’s still at his desk, and he looks like he’s reading his textbook.

‘Baz?’

He ignores me completely.

‘Baz, please,’ I say. ‘Talk to me.’

There’s no response. My headache is getting worse, and I start seeing spots.

‘What did I do…’ I whisper, seconds before I pass out.

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i’m ( not ) okay | | [ archie andrews ]

a/n: it’s been awhile since I did riverdale since I tend to get flash ones so here’s one for you guys, it might not be exactly like request but I hope you like it. M/N and F/N is your mother’s name and father’s name, M/F is milkshake flavor in this key. Ships are closed for the time being and as always requests are open unless stated otherwise by me!

nonnie requested: Archie Andrews imagine where he and reader are friends and her parents are the worst and he offers to let her stay with him for a few days when he finds out about it? Side note: she’s kinda bitchy like Cheryl sometimes bc that’s kind of her way of hiding it?

Originally posted by softlysaygoodbye

               Relationship(s): Archie Andrews & Reader (friendship)


“How dare you go out of town to go sleep with someone else!?”

“You think you can speak to me like that M/N!? I will have you know—“

“Oh, please F/N, you wouldn’t have this money without me!”

More shouting could be heard from downstairs, it was hard to believe you should hear their shouting from upstairs in your bedroom. You were Y/N L/N, one of the wealthiest families in the small town of Riverdale and your parents were not really the best towards each other behind closed doors. You thought it was funny that your parents and you seemed like the perfect family out in public but that was to protect their self-image. You were still surprised that the two haven’t found hitmen to kill one another but whatever works for them you guessed. You grabbed your schoolbag after getting ready in your usual outfit before going down the steps, you winced at the yelling more while you hurried out the door. You didn’t really want meet face to face with your parents this morning as you walked alone with your bag close by until you jumped at a familiar voice that belonged to Archie Andrews, time to bring on your cold shoulder.

“Hey Y/N! Hey, what’s up?” He says without a seemingly care to the world as he slowed down his jog to walk in your pace. What was your history between you and the golden boy of Riverdale High? Well when your family moved to Riverdale when you were six, he was the nice boy who gladly showed you around and was very nice to you. But as your parents’ fight got worse, the colder you became and wouldn’t bat an eyelash with your sliver tongue but you never told anyone about it. Not even Archie who always assured you that if you needed someone to talk while you kept your mouth shut because your mother always said that you should keep your mouth shut and look pretty rather than blabber over nonsense of family affairs. “Y/N-“ He asks you again which made you come back into reality as you look over to the ginger who started to look concerned at you.

“It’s nothing Arch, don’t worry about it okay? I’m fine.” You say as you hope to have it slide as you brushed away from him towards your locker. Some people liked you but some didn’t in school, you were like Cheryl. Which made sense since you both came from wealthy families and you both didn’t hold your tongue when you had to say something to another person. Only you didn’t know why Cheryl had her quick tongue, yours was because you didn’t want people to see you in a vulnerable state of mind. Oh, how you wanted to cry to someone and be told that it will be okay, but you kept your head held high as you moved around in the crowd to get to class while you looked down to see a text from your mother saying that she would be out to go see your aunt as your father said he would be working late again. You just wanted to see them like they used to be, so happy and in love while raising their baby girl than the bitter couple who couldn’t be in the same room without feeling tense.

[ TIME SKIP ]

You saw no point of going home right away when the final bell rung for school to be dismissed for the weekend, biting your lip as you walked over to Archie who was talking to Betty and Ronnie. You were on okay terms with Betty but rocky with the new girl as they noticed you before the blonde pulled her friend away, which helped you a little.

You tapped on the ginger male’s shoulder as he turned to see you as you gripped the strap of your schoolbag tighter, you needed someone to talk to and you felt like Archie might be the only one you felt really comfortable talking things with. “Hey Arch, I wanted to know if you weren’t busy to go talk at Pop’s. You are the only one I can trust with my family situation deal. .so, if you wouldn’t mind? I will pay for your onion rings and milkshake this time.” You add as you rock your heels of your F/C converse back and forth.

“Yeah, sure we can do that Y/N. Is everything going okay?” Archie asks as he pulls on his letterman jacket following putting on a strap of his backpack on his shoulder as you two began walking side by side like you two did earlier. “You should stop biting your bottom lip so much or else it will be bleed.”

You nod a little as you realize how hard you were biting your lip before you stop, “Um kind of.” You say with hesitation in your voice as you tried to talk about other topics before sliding into your side of the booth when you two got into Pop’s. “I’ll have M/S and onion rings, thank you.” You say your order as Archie ordered his milkshake and onion rings, it was one thing you both shared a liking too.

A worried look went on Archie’s face as soon as Pop left with your order as he leaned onto the table, his brown eyes meeting your E/C ones. “So, what’s up Y/N. Tell me please, you know I want to be there for you but you act like it’s nothing.” He frowns due to the fact you can act like an ice queen with everyone else in school.

“My mother and father are fighting, like really bad. I use my bitchness to cover up how I feel because I don’t want to be that girl everyone laughs at. You should’ve heard them this morning Arch, it was bad. .I feel so trapped and alone. Sometimes I feel like you’re the only friend I have.” You say as you felt tears start to stream down your face, you couldn’t hide it no more. You didn’t care what your mother might preach you about crying in public at the moment as you flinch when you felt a hand wipe them away when you look up.

“Y/N, you’re not alone. Do you want to hang around with my dad and I for like a few days? I’m sure my dad can make an expectation for you if you open up about this with him like you are with me.” The ginger says as he offers a small smile of hopefulness as you nod while you finish wiping the tears your face.

“That would be nice, thank you Arch.”

Cheer The Hell Up, Kid.

A/N: Idk just a little fic cause I sAW SPIDER MAN HOMECOMING. NOT MANY SPOILERS, ONLY LIKE ONE SO READ AT YOUR OWN COST BUDDY. I am a hoe for Tony as a father figure to Peter and just HAD to write my own fic.

Word Count: 1,009




“Tony, just give him time and space. He is a teenage boy, after all. Don’t you remember those days?”

“Hell no! Nor do I want to. But, when I had my heart broken, I wanted someone to be there for me, even if I did push them away. He might want that to.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then he’ll web the door locked, message loud and clear.” Tony chuckled, getting up and going upstairs to Peter’s room.

“Peter?” He knocked on the door, sniffling was heard from beyond the door which made his heart clench.

“Pete? Can you open the door?” The door swung open, by Peter webbing it and pulling.

“What do you want, Tony?” He grumbled, laying on his bed facing the wall.

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Thinking out loud

Originally posted by unchartedghoul

Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: Logan Howlett x (teacher)reader
Genres: humor, a bit of bickering, cursing, fluff
Words: 1.650
Summary: Logan and reader fancy each other, but neither of them wants to admit it, even despite Charles’ teasing. Eventually, reader decides to take matters in her hands - requested by @hopelessgarbage

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all I wanted for my birthday was your smile

dear Ollie,

I turned thirty-one today
&
I’m in the deepest shit
I’ve ever been in
in my entire life

your daddy is sick
you are turning six
&
I haven’t seen you
in five years

that’s a long time
to be away from
the piece that makes
your heart beat
it’s a long time to try
&
justify how you’re not
a deadbeat because
you write poetry

I’m writing this letter
drinking vanilla porter
&
stabbing out cigarettes
on my eviction order

when daddy does things
he does them again
he fucks up
too much
he falls in love
with the wrong eyes
he loses a job
he could career
again
&
again
&
again

my greatest fear
is that you
will become me
&
I think that’s
mom’s too

I was mad when she left
I wrote a lot of wrong words
but
now I see that she was right

I still miss her every day
like waking up in an alternate
reality with memories of
where you came from but
not being able to tell
if you’re dreaming now
or if you were dreaming then

sometimes I stop my car
hook cables to my battery
so I can start my heart up
again
&
again
&
again

sometimes it works
lately
it doesn’t

I blow kisses to the full moon
like you did on your first
birthday
&
I just started fucking crying now
because the clouds covered
her before I could
pucker my lips

everytime I find a direction sign
I face North and whisper
your name
&
I call you beautiful
in hopes you remember me
in hopes you never feel
as ugly as I do

son
I’m not angry anynore
I’m ashamed
I’m ashamed that you
have the choice to call
me dad one day

when I’ve fucked up
every opportunity
in my life
that would earn that privilege

this is my last sip
this is my last cigarette
this is my last stanza
these words will never
be enough for you
&
I won’t be

either

love,
dad