sometimes i cry because of people

I hate whenever I tell someone Im into wwe because 9 times out of 10 they give me a look like “lol wrestling?”. Usually they will give you a timeline when they use to watch wrestling and then question , WHY? “Why are you still watching wrestling? Your an adult? You know it’s fake right ? Lol”

You want to know why I watch wrestling ? Because it makes me happy? Because it gives me something to look forward to outside of real life. Who gives a shit if it’s “fake”?! People in this sport get injured all the time. I would like to see you try to get in the ring and do what a Seth Rollins does, or fucking AJ Styles. Wrestling is so much more then fake story lines and fantasy. Wrestling is psychology. Wrestling will have you one min, happy as hell because your favorite won. Then the next min sad as FUCK and crying on the floor because a wrestler has turned on their best friend. You can’t help but to feel their pain.

Wrestling will have you in amazement because of matches like Tyler bate & Pete dunne or AJ styles & John Cena or Sasha Banks & Bayley. WRESTLING IS ENTERTAINMENT. Wrestlers are superheroes. But make no misunderstanding.

Wrestlers are people, who hurt just like us. Who cry just like us. They are relatable because sometimes they can get knocked down so much and you want them to win just as much as they want it. They bleed, they hurt but most of all, they have feelings. Don’t tell a wrestler that what do they is fake.

Answer me this: would you want someone to come to your job and tell you what you do is fake? ….. I didn’t think so.

anonymous asked:

Hiii! It really frustrates me how closet is sometimes seen here.I really hope that there aren't too many young closeted lgbt+ people here because it makes me cry sometimes how little some understand. It's not shameful to be in the closet to protect your career, that doesn't also mean that it doesn't fucking hurt you. And honestly to some anons here: you aren't a fucking victim in someone else's closet. For real if there wasn't any 'het push', H would probably be pushed out of the closet.

You are me anon. It’s chatted about and dismissed far too lightly sometimes <3

anonymous asked:

Everytime I see a news article I think this must be it. This is where the guys will say it's a hoax and they're sorry and they're trying to find out who started it. But that will never happen. This man who gave me something to live for is dead and he's left behind so many wonderful people who loved and cared for him. I'm sad because he's probably looking at his mourning family frustrated and crying because he didn't mean to leave them. I hope he's with Andy and Layne and Kurt. I love you, Chris

i swear sometimes i find myself wondering what he’d say about all this. like maybe he’ll tweet something about it and joke about his own death. also the fact that we’re still not 100% sure how this happened just makes it harder. i hope his family gets some closure. i really feel like a big part of my life is missing. it’s like losing an older brother. i love him so so much. i’m lucky to have his music be a part of my life. i hope matt, ben  and kim are doing ok. i care about these guys too and want to continue to hear their music. i hope this doesn’t make them feel like leaving us or quitting. they’re so important to me. Soundgarden is over but this doesn’t mean their music or careers are. 

since the whole daddyofive thing came to light can we actually just? stop youtube “prank” culture in general. and im not talking about harmless little shit. i’m talking about actively fucking with kids, making them cry, and also messing around with people that are obviously mentally ill. because people LOVE filming kids, teenagers, and even adults having “epic meltdowns” because they find it hilarious. nevermind the trauma behind it and the added humiliation of being filmed for millions of people to laugh at your misery which only adds to the trauma.

idk but filming people freaking out (sometimes justifiably so) should have been left in 2010 with that first “greatest freakout ever” video

EDIT:

so it’s come to my attention that the “greatest freakout ever” video is fake (ty to the people in the tags that said this and brought it to my attention)

however, that doesn’t make it okay. literally doesn’t make it okay or funny. in fact it makes it even worse because there are people that have genuine meltdowns that now get exploited for money or because it’s “funny.” so stop justifying it by saying “oh because it was fake it’s fine to laugh anyway.”

it’s not okay.

The cameras make a habit of getting a LIL TOO CLOSE to Viktor and Yuuri because the mics sometimes pick up what they say to each other before skating or in the Kiss & Cry, and audiences eat that shit up. There are people who watch ISU events like it’s the Viktor&Yuuri Show, and the sports channels know it

TUNE IN FOR THE NIKIFOROV-KATSUKI VARIETY HOUR, the advertisements practically blare.

Viktor can often be heard composing what sounds like literal on-the-spot poetry. (”You are my sun and stars and I will love you until I’m in the ground–”) Much of this is to calm Yuuri down before he skates. Most viewers assume that he writes this shit down somewhere but people who know Viktor understand it to be just the shit that literally is always coming out of Viktor’s mouth.

“Oh,” Yuuri says while they’re waiting for Viktor’s scores one time. He hasn’t put his glasses back on yet and is kind of just staring, unfocused, into the nebulous distance. “I forgot to call Minako and wish her a happy birthday.”

(“YEAH YOU DID,” Minako growls at the television back in Hasetsu. Hiroko pats her back. She just turned fifty. She’s sensitive.)

“Well, you’re dead now,” Viktor says, picking fuzz off his costume. “It was nice knowing you. I’ll never forget you.”

“Will you move on from me?” Yuuri asks. All of this is completely deadpan as they squint at the scoreboard. Yakov is on Viktor’s other side, rolling his eyes.

“No. I’ll roam the halls of our empty home, wailing for my lost love. When I die, I’ll continue to haunt the place where I was once happy. They will call me the Silver Spectre. Once or twice a year, Americans will come and try to film me. I’ll scream into their camera equipment and carve the words triple axel into the hardwood.”

“Please not the hardwood, Vitya.”

They find out that most ISU programming isn’t actually put on a delay during the 2018 Worlds, when Viktor and Yuuri are congratulating each other on winning gold and silver and the cameras pick up Viktor saying, “When we get home, I’m going to bend you over the table and–”

“LOVING WORDS FROM VIKTOR NIKIFOROV-KATSUKI TO HIS HUSBAND,” screams the commentator, whose producer is currently bellowing abort abort into his left ear. “LET’S GO TO PAULA WHO’S TALKING TO BRONZE MEDALIST YURI PLIS–OKAY, NEVER MIND. HAHA, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES! WE’RE CUTTING TO COMMERCIAL.”

‘Technical difficulties’ is Yuri punting a tiger plush so hard towards Viktor that it knocks him backwards and into the backdrop for the Kiss & Cry.

“This used to be an ELEGANT SPORT,” Yakov growls. He looks to Lilia, whose expression is suspiciously toothy. “Are you laughing at this, Lilya?”

“How dare you accuse me of such a thing,” Lilia replies.

“Sometimes I’d start crying in class for no reason. Then when I got home from school, I’d just go straight to my room. I couldn’t even talk to my mom about it because I’d just start crying. People would tell me: ‘Just get up, exercise, and take a walk.’ But none of that helped. Things got so bad that even the school was watching me. I started bawling during a chemistry exam and I ended up in the school psychologist office. I remember thinking: ‘I don’t care if I ever see another chemistry exam again. Or my friends. Or my mom.’ And I started to get this feeling that I was definitely going to do it. I was going to lock myself in my room that night and take a bunch of pills. The only thing that stopped me was imagining my mom finding my body. That was three years ago. That time seems so far away now. I found a great therapist. I learned so much about myself. There’s so much that I want to do now. I want to travel. I want to get married. I want to have kids. There are so many poems that I haven’t written and songs I haven’t heard. So it’s terrifying for me to think that I came so close. My problems were small back then. They were teenage problems. But I came one step away from not being. And I had made the decision to take that step. I’m afraid that I can go back to that place again. And next time, my problems will probably not be so small.”

(Bogotá, Colombia)

So this is a totally useless rant, but as a skinny girl, I’m getting extra, extra tired of fat-shaming.

I work for a corsetier at a Renaissance Faire. We sell corsets. Not flimsy bullshit costume corsets; like real, durable, waist-training corsets. Today a woman came in with her boyfriend, so I helped her pick out a corset and try it on. While her boyfriend—who was decidedly enthused about the whole corset thing—sat watching me lace her in, he told me, grinning, “Of all the good jobs at the Renaissance Faire, I think you have the best.”

I shrugged in agreement. “I touch butts and reach down cleavage all day; I mean…” Because we like to be a bit rakish at the Faire, and, y’know, it’s true. Tying people into corsets pretty much invariably requires getting handsy.

The couple laughed at that, and the boyfriend said, “That’s the job I would want!” But then he chuckled again and said, offhand, “Or maybe not; while we were looking at the racks, there were some pretty big sizes on there!”

Our sizes are all done in inches, and the biggest we make is a 46. And you’d better believe our large sizes sell. For a second I wasn’t sure what to say to the guy’s comment, but I answered him casually. “We get a lot of beautiful big ladies in here.” Because we do. “We make corsets for real women, not Barbie dolls,” I added. Wasn’t trying to be smart, just kind of tossed it out there because that’s the line we like to use when people ask about larger sizes, and because, again, we do.

The boyfriend went quiet at that; I didn’t think anything of it, I just kept on lacing. A moment later, he said, a little awkwardly (but sincerely enough), “Didn’t mean to be offensive.”

I quickly smiled and brushed it off, said he wasn’t, said I was just saying. (Don’t want to make the customers uncomfortable, you know?) And that was the end of it. His comment had rubbed me the wrong way, but it wasn’t a big deal. Now, I wear a 20-inch corset. I’m a few cup sizes short of being one of the Barbie dolls. Like his girlfriend, I’m one of the “hot chicks”; he doesn’t have to worry about offending me by implying that I wouldn’t be fun to poke and pull at.

Honestly though, of all the people I fit sexy technically-undergarments to in a day, fat girls are maybe my favorite people to lace up. Because they are just so damn happy that we have stuff that fits them. They are so damn happy that the corsets we make in their sizes are all the same pretty, shiny colors and cool flower/dragon/skull/etc. prints that the smaller corsets are, not ugly beige and boring “granny” colors. They are so goddamn happy that at least one (of several on the grounds) corset shop carries things that they can wear, that they actually want to wear, and that they look fucking awesome in. This is only my second season working, and we’ve fit 60+ inch waists and double-K busts. The only people we’ve ever had to tell sorry, we don’t have anything that fits them, are twelve-year-old kids.

It’s half-wonderful, half-heartbreaking how excited those women get. Women who say with sad smiles, when we ask if they want to get fitted, “Oh, no, you don’t have anything that fits me,” and then are stunned when we’re 300% confident that yes we do, and we have options. Women who can’t stop smiling and looking at themselves in the mirror after we’ve got them laced in.

I had a lady last week whose waist I measured (cinching the tape tight, as per procedure) at 41 inches—honestly not all that big. So she picked out a 41-inch corset to try on. I could tell halfway through getting her laced that it was going to be a bit big for her, so I mentioned it and said she might do better to try a smaller size. She started crying on the spot. She was so overwhelmed; she couldn’t believe someone had just told her that a 41 was too big. She told me about how hard clothes shopping was for her, how her mother would tell her she needed an XXXL instead of an XXL, how she had recently lost weight but still couldn’t wear certain colors because they didn’t fit or she wasn’t confident enough.

She did end up getting her corset, and after I checked her out she asked if she could give me a hug, so we ended up standing there hugging each other for a minute. While we did, I told her, “Do not ever let anyone tell you any bullshit. You are gorgeous.” She said, “I have a new boyfriend and he keeps telling me that.” I told her he was right, and to just keep telling herself she’s gorgeous; it was okay if she didn’t always believe it, but to keep telling herself anyway. (That’s how I talked myself through shit when I had bad anxiety.)

We all know fat-shaming is bad. The stupidity, fatphobia, and misogyny of it has pissed me off since I first became aware of it. But working with clothing, especially as figure-hugging and precise as corsets, has given me a new perspective on it—how much it affects people and just how shitty it is. Like, what does it say that I had a grown, only average-big woman crying into my shoulder because she was so overjoyed not to be the uppermost extremity of what a manufacturer can clothe?

My job rocks and it’s really rewarding, but sometimes it highlights some of the ugliest shit about society. I’m so glad I work at a shop that’s not bullshit about body types and operates with more people in mind than just scrawny white chicks like me. The fat women I work with are a ton of fun to lace up, and they’re so much more than their size—they’re cool, they’re smart, they’re funny, they’re sweet, they’re great to talk to, and yes, they’re hot. I’m so damn done with them getting short-changed and shamed by petty fucks who refuse to make them nice clothes, who refuse to even try to work for them, who refuse to consider them pretty. This whole rant was useless and won’t get read, but I had to vent because it’s been driving me nuts.

So actually, screw you, random dude. Fat girls are the highlight of my job.

Some thoughts on the Maheswaran mother-daughter relationship

Connie looked so much like Dr. Maheswaran in this episode.

It’s adorable because in the canon time of the show, she’s picked up on her mother’s mannerisms in the way that a decade of living with her did not. It’s shows how much they’ve grown together as a family, and how their relationship has changed.

Considering this was how she looked in her first appearance:

There’s a marked change not only in design but also in her expressions.

And it’s been hinted at before, but in this scene, she so explicitly worries about her mother the way her mother worries about her. It’s very touching, especially because we know they started out caring about each other but not understanding one another. Because you  can love someone and never try to understand them. It leads to a lot of conflict but both parties can still come out of it feeling like they did what was “best” for the other.

Connie used to think it was better that her mother knew nothing so the latter wouldn’t worry about her. And Dr. Maheswaran wanted to be on top of everything so that Connie would have an easier life. 

What we learn from them is that to be able to love someone better, we open up to them and let them open up to us. Connie used to act as though her parents were infallible, or at the least, able to manage themselves. Over time, and in this episode, she’s shown to be worried about them because she knows they’re human beings too. They can get hurt, make mistakes, and put themselves in danger.

Knowing these things puts the other person in perspective. It makes their place in our lives mean more. And it makes it harder to take the people we love for granted.

So I would say Connie and her mother interact a lot more now. They probably talk about each other’s days. Notice how even Dr. Maheswaran talked about everything that happened to her prior to picking Connie up. She believed her daughter deserved an explanation. And that’s a far cry from the mother who would proudly bring out the “Because I said so,” and “We’re doing this because we love you,” cards in Fusion Cuisine.

Not everyone has this experience with their parents. Sometimes things just happen to drive parents and children apart. But in their case it worked out, and now they each have one more person who will always be there for them.

When Connie told her mother that Steven just came from outer space, there was no incredulous reaction. Only an, “Oh?” in an interested and calm tone. 

They’re both trying. And I’m certain they still have their share of disagreement, but it’s dealt with in a much healthier way now.

Sometimes people tell me that it’s not stupid that I gave everything when I loved her and that I still loved her after that. And I can’t help but cry. I can’t help but cry because I feel like such a moron that I let myself be defenseless and I let this person know all of my weaknesses and my entire heart and now, she doesn’t even care about my existence and this is the person I loved with all of my heart and trusted my whole being with. I gave her everything I had and even more. It’s so foolish but I’m thankful when people don’t call me stupid because I want to believe there’s someone I can give my entire being to and trust wholeheartedly. They’ll take my weaknesses and pains and be beside me even at my worst. Because people leave me when I hit my worst. They always do. I’m annoying, I’m invasive, I’m insecure, I’m overly jealous, and I’m needy and all of these stupid things. I’m selfish and I overthink. And people leave. People leave so quickly. The one I love stops caring about me and loving me. In fact, they probably might even have someone new in their heart. And now, they just see me as some burden in their life that was easier to get rid of. And it damages me so much and I don’t wanna tell anyone the truth anymore and everything would be okay if I lied and kept my weaknesses and my insecurities away from the world. Everything would be okay if they only saw me smiling. If I had never told anyone what was in my heart, certain people would still like me and want to be around me. But because I opened up to them and I showed them my messy heart and my weaknesses, they left. So. I cry when someone tells me I wasn’t stupid. That I deserve friends and someone who will stay by me regardless of what I become. That I’m worth something and that my love is something special. I cry. Because that’s the only thing I can do when I’m told I’m not a moron.
—  Roi C.
INFPs ARE NOT SAD, OKAY

I’ve let this go on for too long.

INFPs did not invent sadness, nor do they cry all the time. INFPs are bodies of hope in spite of the sadness around them. I like to think that they invented hope and optimism, because despite the horrible things they know of ourselves, they believe the best about others.

Maybe INFPs are fragile for good reason. Don’t you think that a ripe apple tree in the middle of a rotten orchard would tend to be a little distraught sometimes? The world is an ugly place. Guess what? Despite all of this, the stereotyped cry-baby of the MBTI would go there to the end for people they’ve never met.

INFPs did not invent sadness. They invented hope.

sometimes i cry bc in season 2 giles said to buffy “to forgive is an act of compassion… it’s not done because people deserve it. it’s done because they need it” and buffy subsequently becomes one of the most forgiving characters ever like let me live

“It’s more of like a, like a, like a cry than, than singing at some points in the song, but it’s beautiful, I think. […] When you find yourself so passionate about something, you find it kind of, consuming you and, um, that to the point where it drives you a little crazy and sometimes you’re, like, freaking out and you’re like ‘What, why do I even do this?!’ type of thing and sometimes, like, all you wanna do is just beg for mercy but you can’t, because, you know, you just become so in love.” - Shawn Mendes on Mercy and its production

Sad Magnus Chase headcanons bc I'm feeling sad today

💔 Magnus crying alone after his mom dies and having nowhere to go. He flinched in a corner on the sidewalk and cried himself till sleep
💔 He spent 3 days without eating until he started to turn the trash cans
💔 In his first winter as homeless, it was so cold on some nights that he cried wrapped in his thin blanket
💔 It was common for him to spend a few days without getting any change or food
💔 Young Hearth starving himself till the limit because food cost golden coins
💔 Young Hearth not quite understanding what his parents said after his brother’s death because they refused to sign and he was crying too much to read lips
💔 Hearth not caring about if he would live or die while he fells in Nidavellir
💔 Blitz going back to home alone after find out that his father was dead
💔 Blitz having no one to talk. Sometimes, he spent days without say a single word and leave home
💔 Blitz trying to produce something “real dwarves” do but crying in frustation
💔 Alex feeling totally confused because she doesnt feel like a “regular boy”
💔 Alex dressing up like she wants and her mortal father and step mother just saying that she wants “embarrass them even more”
💔 They keeping Alex out of view when received visits because how would they even explain what is Alex
💔 Alex preferring live on the streets that live with her “family”
💔 Sam crying on her room because the kids were being mean about her being muslim
💔 Sam trying to not care about the looks people give to her and her grandparents on the streets
💔 Sometimes, Magnus can’t eat or drink. He’s in the middle of the feast when he suddenly thinks about all the people that don’t have nothing to eat, like him when he was homeless. Sometimes, he lost the appetite for days. On these days, Alex enter in his room and put his head on her lap and he cries while she tries to calm him “I know, Maggie, I know”
💔 homeless Hearth giving the food he finds to Magnus and Blitz because he’s more used to stay hungry
💔 Sam waking up screaming from a nightmare about Loki controlling her
💔 Sometimes, Blitz calls by Hearth, forgeting he cant listen. When he doesn’t anwser, Blitz just panics. So Hearth just finds him crying “I-I thought you left me… I don’t want… to be alone…I’m so so patetic”
💔 The whole squad having existential crisis bc the world will end anyway

An Open Letter to Leigh Bardugo

Hello, Leigh ( @lbardugo )! It’s your friendly-neighborhood Baillie! 

I wanted to address the presents I’ve been giving (maybe shoving?) your way. While it’s been fun for me to create things that you (and whatever authors I end up latching on to) might enjoy–someone I volunteered with yesterday at the festival warned me to stop because you were probably uncomfortable with the gifts. 

And it broke my heart.

A little background on why I started giving you gifts: 

The last time I tried to give a friend a present, a personalized and signed copy of Vampire Academy, she accepted with a “Nice! I’ll add it to my collection!” And while I know she meant no harm–instead, meaning to make a joke about how many copies of tVA she had–it kind of made me recoil. It was a present that took hours of action (and standing in line) and a bit of planning to make sure we could get her this present. And my gesture was brushed aside.

I’ve enjoyed giving presents to friends for years and since then I stopped. Which is heartbreaking since I also feel inclined to stop keeping in contact with my friends because, in my mind, this brushoff is some sort of rejection. Even now making friends at my university is kept at a no-present policy so I don’t scare anybody off.

So I turned to authors because I figured they deserve presents and goodies after writing so much and I know I appreciate them to the moon and back. And I know some authors have to deal with mean people a lot and sometimes just need something nice.

I’ll be the first one to admit that my obsession with you increased tenfold when I ended up with SoC at SDCC (and I actually cried walking away from the Fierce Reads booth). Actually–I walk away from almost every interaction with you about to cry because I’m always in such complete and utter awe of your presence. The more I hear you talk at signings and at panels and even just on twitter– it’s more and more clear that you’re a fantastic and amazing person. 

And by no means do I want to make you uncomfortable with my presents.

But please, please, please let me know if it makes you uncomfortable or you truly want me to stop. I just had never stopped to even consider your side of things. 

It makes me feel incredibly selfish.

My Best Regards, 

Baillie 

P.S. 

To Better Explain your gift basket from YallWest: 

Blue Eyeshadow + Red/Gold Lipstick= Wonder Woman inspired Makeup

Fan: I thought I would get to you sooner and that it might help with the heat

Eyelashes: They Reminded me of Six of Crows

Justice League Stickers: I gave the same ones to Marie Lu. Just DC related.

Other Stickers: They were cute? 

Glow Sticks: Some events just need glowsticks

1. I should’ve bought more flowers for you, now I buy flowers even if today isn’t Valentine’s Day or a day with a specific meaning, in a way, every petal is imbued with an apology and every time someone leans in to smell it they can feel the parts of me that you’ve forgiven far long before I could

2. I didn’t start to feel better until I started to take better care of myself, a constant whisper of you saying “i was just worried about you”

3. You can’t let someone be your only source of happiness because once they’re gone, you’re all alone again and there’s nothing worse than starting all the way back over with yourself: square one of a broken heart multiplied by the intensity of she’s not coming back, let her go

4. Music will never betray me

5. Poetry is thinking that you’ve got it figured out and a metaphor is just your way of saying I don’t

6. Art rules the world and I am a masterpiece in progress; how can I love myself like how you did if I can’t see that little bit?

7. Lust isn’t conducive for growth, it’s like an addict trying to get his fix– some day, he’s going to break and not even the drug can help him

8. I buy myself nice things, but I can’t fill this emptiness inside of my heart– I guess some nights, I just miss being next to you

9. I still can’t get used to sleeping alone

10. Sometimes I wish I would’ve picked up your phone calls during the first few months, I broke my promise and you know something? I regret it

11. I threw away our love letters and memories two months ago, I cried the whole time– yeah, still a fool for you, but baby, we’ve changed so much, I’m happy with my unhappy

12. You once told me to go on many adventures without you, did you account for my depression? You know, I don’t blame you for any of this. In reality it was always an us thing, a too young thing, a stupid, mad love thing– as always, I still love you, I just don’t know what love is anymore

13. They were right, soulmates touch you and they change you forever– the moment a colorful paint filled brush hits the water and the figments of colors flow into the cup, you left my soul with so many seasons, I’m still raking up the leaves from last fall

14. The last time I saw you we shouldn’t have had sex, I think that night really broke you– I think that night really broke me too

15. I should’ve laid my head onto your chest and counted your heartbeats more often, I’m sorry

16. Sometimes when I talk to people and tell them random facts that you’ve filled my head up, I swear I can hear your voice echo in the back of my head– “baby, check this out, you’re gonna love it”

17. I always do

18. I still remember your favorite Harry Potter line

19. After all of this time? …Always.

20. I smoke cigarettes to think about how to think less, the fucking irony

21. I take painkillers and my excuse is that my right hand still hurts, in truth, I’m just another addict that believes if I take another maybe my heart might just start to sound like it belongs to me

22. I didn’t cut myself because I wanted to die, I cut myself open because I wanted to feel how often I made your heart break, each scar on my shoulders is a time when I’ve made you cry

23. And each night that I can’t sleep, I stay up wishing that you’re doing okay

24. I don’t pray often, but when I do, I always prayed for your mom, although she hated me, I’m so glad that she put you on this earth to allow us to meet– I have changed so much since I’ve met you

25. The crazy part? You still change me everyday

26. You know the renaissance era? Falling in love with you was like that

27. My favorite photo of us were those two kids eating a banana split at the New Orleans mall, I miss those two innocent kids, oh, how we’ve changed

28. We are destined to have this eternal flame kind of distance– the brighter I burn, the more you’ll read, the only thing that keeps me writing some days is knowing that somewhere, somehow you’re always reading, no matter who you’re with or if you’re laughing or crying or smiling

29. My number one fan was always you first

30. I’ve made so many bad decisions, you were never one of them

31. I’ve written so many bad poems, you were in every single one

32. I’ve written some pretty great ones too tho…!
You were also in those

33. I miss cleaning your eyes for you

34. I have met some amazing people because of what happened to us

35. I can’t get you by Fallbrooke the acoustic version is no longer on the internet, the funny part? The very last day that it was on the web, I downloaded it right before they removed it. It’s still my favorite song of all time, our song

36. Hold your tears by Clazziquai too

37. Sometimes when I get off from work, I sit in the car and cry, some tears don’t have meaning, they just need to come out

38. I claim to write poetry, but I feel like they’re just love letters sent to no one in particular

39. It’s not that I’m not over you, I’m just trying to get used to not needed you

40. It’s not that it hurts to the point where I can’t breathe, I’m just trying to light my own path to self-love and healing

41. The fact that your favorite color is orange, it makes the fruit taste some type of way

42. Sometimes I want to call you, but I don’t

42. Sometimes I want to text you and I do

43. Sometimes I want you to answer, I’m glad you don’t

43. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all and call, I’m glad that I don’t

44. You stopped writing when we first met, in some way, the girl that waits by the shore has left a million pens near my desk and to this day– I wait by the shore too, just in case inspiration hits, right?

45. Our little codes of love finally decoded enough for me to not be blinded by you

46. We were both messed up people, I think we knew that about each other and maybe that’s why I always know when you’re not feeling okay

47. I still don’t have love figured out, but damn I’ll open every fucking door in my heart even if I have to go down the sewer to find every key

48. Someone says that she’s falling for me, I’m legit afraid to hurt people now– like it’s a real fear, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore

49. I should’ve given you the stars, but instead I left your heart scattered across the universe

50. It’s been almost two year and I’m still writing about you, but at least it’s less often, right?

51. You’ve always been kinda self-centered, I think you enjoy it when I write about you. Like if I write about you in some way, maybe I’m still yours

52. We were just too damn young to realize how destructive passion, love, romance, stagnation, betrayal and pain is when mixed together

53. Sometimes I go to the places that we used to go just to create new memories without you

54. Sometimes it works

55. Most of the time, it just flicks me off

56. My brain is constantly telling me that I’m a fuck up and the more I try to get it right, the more I keep getting it wrong

57. I am trying to master the art of letting go

58. And this list is a step towards better things

59. And this life is going to be alright

60. Without you, I am still me

61. Without you, I can still breathe

62. Without you, I am still alive

63. Without you, I am still poetry

64. I can barely remember your face, I guess being around a lot of different people at work helps out plenty

65. This world is filled with pain, I hope you look back and smile about us some day

66. Maybe when you’re old and grey– you’ll remember those two young kids who slow danced in the dark

67. If we were made from the same star, I want to return home some day

68. I want to shine bright enough for the two of us

69. You’re still my best friend even if we no longer talk

70. You’ll always be my best friend

71. I still care about you

72. A whole fucking lot

73. The world is full of mysteries, I’m glad that we’re in the known, I’m glad that we’ve met

74. I hope you never regret me, you wanna know why? I could never, ever, ever, ever regret you

75. I don’t know how to open up to people anymore and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or yours– maybe this one time, it’s our fault… are you like this too?

76. I’ve been told that I’m too hard on myself, I firmly believe that one of the reason as to why we split was because I wasn’t hard enough on myself– I got too fucking comfortable with your promises and I took you for granted

77. Life waits for no one

78. I let an ex of mine break my red and black ring– she said that if I was over you, I’d let her break. I let her break it, but jokes on me, it didn’t change a thing about how I still feel about you

79. I keep writing and writing and writing because one of these days– it’ll stop being about you

80. Sometimes it works, but deep down, I know in some way, you’ll always find a way to sneak back out

81. I can’t get you out of my head sometimes

82. It’s even harder because you’re still inside of my heart

83. I saw this cool picture on Tumblr with someone cutting a piece of herself off that resembled two lovers splitting up, that shit looked like it hurt

84. Love hurts because even eating cotton candy ice cream really fast will give you a brain freeze

85. You didn’t like my rat tail idea, I grew one out just to fuck with you. Jokes on me, I love it now.

86. You never really supported the idea of me being anything, tbh, it’s not your fault. None of it is. I should’ve been my own motivation. I guess by supporting you through nursing school, I wanted to hear you say that I could do it even when I was at my lowest point.

87. I realized a few thing about loving you.

88. When you hit rock bottom, few will be loyal enough to stick it out with you

89. Money rules the world, since I’m not wealthy in any way– one day when I am, I can laugh a little about all of this

90. I think you loved our memories more than you loved me, in truth, I did too

91. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get close to people

92. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let you go

93. Maybe that’s why you still read

94. We had something raw and experimental, young and dumb, mistakes on top of mistakes

95. It was a perfect compass to point us to our future selves

96. I know a great many things now– although I am depressed, with or without you

97. I am great, I am strong

98. I am my own happy before anyone else’s

99. I can love myself enough to let you go

100. I had to hurt you to really, really grow–
I think to this day, that’s the thing that hurts me the most. That I had to hurt my best friend in this whole wide world, to make you crumble, to make you cry, to make you hate me– I had to do all of that in order to love myself. And it’s sad because here I am, still trying to figure it all out.



With or without you, I will be a better person.
—  100 things I figured out when we broke up
What I learnt after losing 20kg in 3 months

1. It always starts on a high note but the key thing is to keep it going.

You see someone losing a lot of weight and suddenly you are so inspired and pumped to reach your ideal weight, or you realise that you have put on a significant amount of weight and decide to crash diet. It could even be for an upcoming important event. Usually this inspiration will last for a week or two, after which you start to give yourself a little more allowance, this is where most people fall back to where they were. It happened to me countless times.

You have to want it bad enough.

2. You have to be consistent.

Losing weight is hard af, but the important thing is to be consistent. This is what I did:

- take weekly progress photos (whenever I see how my body changes week by week I’m motivated to push on)

- weigh in weekly (I know how easy it is to be obsessed with the scale)

- follow inspiring people (this helps you more than you think)

- whenever I feel lazy to work out, which happens almost every single day, I tell myself this: ‘if you get out there and do what you have to for 30mins, you are one step closer to your goal. If not, the time will pass anyway even if you’re scrolling through Facebook.’

3. Workout

I started with swimming because it was the easiest. You don’t sweat as much, it’s easy on your knees, and it burns a shit load of calories.

After some time, I switched over from swimming to cycling HIIT on my stationary bike. After which I started doing blogilates’s PIIT28, and started hitting the gym after that.

What I’m trying to say is, change up your activities once in a while! Add some variation to your workout by keeping things interesting and you will look forward to it.

My best friend got me out of my comfort zone. I have been so unfit all my life that I wasn’t able to complete even a 2.4km jog. She dragged me along for a run and I fell in love with jogging. To be fair it happened about 6 weeks after I started working out.

It doesn’t get easier, you just get better!

You only need 30mins a day to complete your daily workout. Choose one workout, be it jogging or HIIT, and just do it!

No matter how tired I am, I make sure to get my 30mins in. Sometimes I impress myself with my determination.

4. Moral support

You’re committed to your goals and are working hard towards it. We all know it gets lonely sometimes. Motivate a friend to do the same! Motivate each other when things get tough or the scale is not budging. I’m lucky to have my BFF on this journey together with me.

Even for those who discourage you or those who once called you fat, you got to have the fire in you to make a change and prove them wrong!

Do it for yourself, your love ones. I know you can. I have fallen off the wagon many times too. But the lower you fall, the higher you will fly. Believe in yourself. I promise you, once you start believing, everything will fall in place. There will not be success without failure. You will get there sunshine. One day you will shine. You just got to start believing in yourself and start working damn hard towards your goal.

Old saying but pushes me a lot: 
it’s never going to be easy but it’s going to be SO worth it.

5. You didn’t gain it overnight, don’t expect to lose it in a month.

Don’t be demoralised just because people ain’t noticing the changes. Don’t beat yourself up.

I gave myself 6 months to reach my goal weight. 7kg more to go! Yay!

6: Your boobs/butt will shrink, there might be loose skins/ stretchmarks if you lose weight too fast.

What I did for boobs and butt:

Do planks and squats every day. Yes every day. It helps firms your boobs and squats give your flat booty a lift. 

I learnt this the hard way. Losing 50kg in a year 2 years ago definitely tested my skin’s elasticity. I researched ways to reduce the appearance of stretch marks since the only way you eliminate them is through a laser surgery.

Loose skins and stretchmarks are tricky. I tried everything so I can’t pinpoint what worked and what didn’t.  But it reduced the appearance of stretchmarks and my skin doesn’t look too loose either.

What I did:

- Drink lots of water (it really works!)

- Dry brushing

- Body scrubs (if you ask me I would say coffee scrub, I didn’t start selling it for no reason)

- Bio oil

- Clarins body tonic oil

- Weight training/resistance training                        

7. Relationship with food

Many asked me what meal plans do I follow or do I have certain calorie restrictions.

I have to clarify that I’m not going for a hot lean body hence this method might not work for you if you are going for that.

I do not follow any specific meal plans. I did many times in the past and tried countless meal plans including Herbal life, natroslim or even master cleanse diet. I’m not saying that all these doesn’t work, they do. You will see yourself losing weight, but it isn’t sustainable.

I eat whatever I want now but I control the portions strictly. I cut out sugar drinks too. Don’t underestimate the calories you are taking in as well, it could be the reason why you are not seeing results.

Learn to say no when being offered food (who does that?!). It’s not easy to say no to the piece of chocolate your best friend got for you, but it’s even harder burning it off later during your workout. If you didn’t plan to eat it, don’t. Save it for another day.

There are days when I have peanut butter toast in the morning, fish soup for lunch and economic rice without any rice (just the meat and vege side dishes) for dinner.

But there will also be days where I crave fried chicken. I order them without sides and go without sugar drinks.

Sometimes I live on ban mian (Singapore-style noodles with mince pork soup) without finishing the noodles. Or some days I have fruits before going to bed.

I try to keep my calorie intake within 1500. I don’t feel starved at all and I eat whatever I want in moderation. It keeps me content to keep going.

You are what you eat. If you know the food you are craving for is unhealthy, have it in small amounts. We all know what happens when we over indulge. A healthy journey consists of 80% diet and 20% exercise.

Food that will help you in your journey:

- Water, just drink enough water.

- Unsweetened green tea, yes you’ve heard this 2 million times. But it works.

- Fruits: Papayas, Watermelons, Apples, Bananas, Lemons and Kiwis.

- Needless to say lots of vegetables

Try new recipes like cauliflower rice. Or replace potato chips with kale chips.

There won’t be any food to avoid in my list because I genuinely believe in moderation.

8. Curbing cravings

You just had dinner but you are craving for dessert. We all know it’s not acceptable to do it every day.

I’d go for a jog if I were you. The cravings for unhealthy food usually subside after a run. You’ll burn 150 calories with 30 minutes of jogging, but it takes 1 serving of potato chips to gain it back. Is it worth it? You be the judge.

If not I’ll find an alternative like yogurt or fruits to curb the cravings.

The last method is to take off your clothes in front of the mirror and stare at your body. Tell me if you still want that tiramisu after that.

Many times we eat not because we need it but because we want it. A treat is only a treat if you have it once in a while. 

9. Shitty days

Just recently I broke down and cried just because I felt fat. I felt like the ugliest/biggest girl in the world and I just wanted to hide away from the world. There will be days where you feel like shit and nothing you do makes sense to you.

I allowed myself to cry and tell myself that I’m not good enough.

Sometimes we have to embrace our emotions instead of hiding them. Only when we acknowledge what we are feeling, will we be able to fix what’s really broken inside.

After my emotional battle, I pick myself up and continue whatever I was doing. I fixed what was going on inside and stayed focused. People around me saw results. I saw my results. I deserved every single bit of it because I worked hard for it.

Happiness is a choice. You are how you feel about yourself.

Don’t give up on something just because of the time or the difficulty to achieve it. The time will pass anyway. If you don’t work on yourself, who’s going to do it.

I learnt to love myself for every stretchmark, cellulite and scar that’s on me. At the same time, I do my best to be a better version of myself.

10. Take a break If you are tired, not quit.

Lastly, regardless how many times you fail, as long as you get up and try again, you will succeed in the end.

Getting healthy is not a quick fix, it’s a lifestyle. There will be days you feel like eating fast food and not working out. But as long as you get back on your feet the next day, I promise that everything will work out.

Never ever give up on yourself and your body, because you are the only one living in it.

Hope this helps!! Happy 2017! Keep on rocking! :) Let’s embrace 2017 together and achieve whatever you need to acheive!

@motiveweight - submission 

car and I brainstormed some Parks and Rec election results and scenarios to make ourselves feel better. Reblog and add with your own.

  •  Leslie offers to stop eating waffles if Hillary could win and then mutters to herself a second later “No, that’s crazy; i can’t do that. i’m sorry, Leslie.”

  • Ann running over in the early hours Wednesday morning with a full nursing bag preparing for the worst

  •  Leslie, Ben, and Ann all yell “DONALD TRUMP’S NEVER HAD A REAL JOB IN HIS LIFE” in various inflections for about twenty five minutes

  • Leslie suddenly sliding to the floor every few hours when she remembers. she wraps herself in every coat, scarf, and hat she owns and hibernates in there for a day or two

  •  Leslie tackles Jamm in the hall when she comes back to work: “you know what you did!”

  • Leslie wearing and passing out buttons with the MADD logo “The second D doesn’t stand for anything. Thats just how mad I am.”

  • Ann and Madeline Albright coaxing Leslie out of the bedroom when she’s depressed

  • Chris makes a list of all his favorite things about Hillary to read to Leslie and ends up crying halfway through. He goes on a marathon tour of the tri-state area. Which comprises traveling to participate in marathons because he just has to keep moving for a while and not stop

  • Leslie smacks her face sometimes, even years later, to see if she’s actually just maybe still asleep

  • Tom starts a new successful business called Black and Brown of the latest styles and fashions and only hires people of color

  • the thing that gets Leslie out of her funk is Ron coming over and telling her how much he hates government and how he thinks the two-party system is flawed and the electoral college is ruining the country and whats’ the point anymore. and then he shows her an I Voted sticker on which he’s written “i’m with Leslie”. Leslie starts to cry for a few minutes and then goes “but you actually voted for Hillary, right?”

  • The Pawnee Goddesses’ next four years are already booked for visiting political representatives, staging sit-ins, protests, and fundraisers. Ron always drives the bus. Andy is in charge of new recruits. Tom designs uniforms. Ann looks pretty.

  • Galentines Day becomes a movement and organization dedicated to helping women and they celebrate it every day. Waffle buttons become a symbol of the movement

  • The Parks gang runs into the entire Meagle Clan at a rally. They stand slackjawed for thirty seconds. Tom faints because Ginuwine is there

  • “PCP is going to seem like a walk in Roosevelt park compared to this.“ Leslie shows the camera a 3-inch binder labeled "LSD: Let’s Steer Democrat”

  • Andy spends a part of every Johnny Karate show educating kids about tolerance and how to be a good person

  • April is president of Galentines day and has a secret binder of her plans that she won’t ever show Leslie bc she’s pretty sure it might actually kill her

  • Andy graduates with a minor in women’s studies, goes to every protest even if he’s not always sure what’s going on. (April explains it)
    he seems like he’s only half getting it and then volunteers to speak at one protest.  the speech is one of the most relevant, aware, inspiring speeches in modern history it goes viral on buzzfeed.
    he gets invited to ellen and spends the whole time talking about finding nemo and dancing
    when asked to explain how he wrote it he says he asked himself a simple question: WWLKD

  • April runs for senate. She wins.
Hello, Gentle Reader. This is Fan Fiction.

Recently, I’ve seen some rumblings across my dashboard about fan fiction again.  

I don’t want to dive into a debate because all the information that I have to go on are second hand sources and there’s always going to be a bit of bias there, because one person can see it in one way and another person can perceive it in another way.  

I’d rather explain to you, New and Gentle Reader, what fan fiction is, if this is the first time you’ve heard about it.  

Fan fiction is what happens when you walk out of the theater, turn off the TV, the radio, close that book or whatnot for the first time and ask yourself  “What happens next?"  Or:  "What if it happened THIS way instead?"  Fan fiction is what happens when you are six or seven years old and you take your dolls, your action figures, your stuffed toys and various household items as props and send them all onto adventure.  Maybe Barbie rescues G.I. Joe from Cobra or Optimus Prime fights the Evil Transforming Kitchen Thingy that Mom uses for making meatloaf but should really be the Evil Transforming Dark Lord of the Sith.  

Fan fiction is what happens when you are ten and you’re discovering how to really write for the first time and you put words on the page, in your math and English notebooks, one sentence after another, style be damned, painstakingly bringing forth to life the images in your head of your cartoon and movie and book heroes.  

Fan fiction happens when you are in your teens and you want to be the hero or the heroine of the story and you want to fight alongside Captain America and the Avengers and go on the Quest to Erebor or save Frodo from the effects of the Ring.  

Fan fiction happens when you are in your twenties or your thirties or beyond that and you are still writing because you just enjoy and love telling stories.  There’s a new maturity to your writing and that happens because you’re a bit older, though maybe not wiser, but you still love telling the stories anyway.  People tell you that you should write for money and sometimes you think, hey I could try that and you dream.  And sometimes you just smile and say, "I just like telling stories” and that is more than enough for you.  

And sometimes people fall in love in your stories, regardless of sex or gender.  Sometimes they fight.  Sometimes they laugh.  They cry.  They hate.  They die.  Sometimes they kiss.  Sometimes they make love.  Sometime it’s just sex.  You keep writing.  You can’t help it.  You get that idea and you just need to write it down.  Word for word.  One sentence after another.  Just like when you were a kid and you’d wear your pencils to stubs and let your pens run out of ink as you shape the letters.  

That’s fan fiction.  Sometimes, the best stories in the world start because they were fan fiction.  Ask Shakespeare.  Ask Jules Verne.  Ask Neil Gaiman.  

Gentle Reader, if this is your first time in here, then I hope you might find the time to read my stories.  I humbly ask, because a fan fiction writer’s currency is in the feedback of his or her readers and we’re happy to hear from them when it’s good and devastated when we get hate from those who don’t even have the courage to sign their names.  If it’s not for you, then I understand.  It’s all right.  Move on, that’s okay.  These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.  Maybe there’s something else you’d like.  It’s fine.  

And this is what I hope for if you do decide to venture in.

I hope you smile.  I hope you laugh.  I hope that you ended up snorting coffee out your nose in the middle of Starbucks.  (Here’s a napkin.  Sorry that I’m not sorry?)  I hope that I made you giggle in the middle of the subway or the bus stop and you get weird looks from folks passing by.  

I hope you cry, because sometimes I write sad things and that makes me cry too.  Here’s a tissue.  It’s okay.  Sometimes there are no happy endings.

I hope you are frightened, but only in a way that a good, scary story can make you feel frightened.  Sometimes there are dark and terrible things out there and they’re part of the Story too.  Hold my hand.  It’s all right.  I’ve got you.

I hope you blush and maybe smile a little later when love and romance and sweet things are told.  Love is a gift and true love is meant to endure.  And sometimes there’s hurt and pain and grief in there too, but you already know that.  You’ve lived that.  Sometimes we do have happy endings after all.  There’s always hope.  

Are you ready?

It doesn’t always start with “once upon a time” or “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” but every story starts somewhere.  

Turn the page.  Click the button.

Here we go.    

2

sometimes I just look at bts and cry, because the thought of them being adored by millions of people and being so successful makes me feel like a proud mom (or like a proud little sister I guess because i’m younger than all of them lol)

Love Yourself - Connor x Evan

Author - K (I’m pretty sure J doesn’t really listen to musicals I’m not entirely sure)

so this is something I wrote when kind of tipsy on mango vodka and schloer. but I quite like it and hope you guys too. also, i was tipsy and now so is Evan.

~

Connor was sitting on his bed, painfully sober after only three beers, while Evan was giggling at the ceiling on the other end. Connor sighed, looking fondly at the other boy, feeling guilty that he has gotten Evan drunk. Yet, he couldn’t let himself feel too bad because he knew that Evan needed this. He needed a distraction, and Connor was putty in this boy’s hands. He would walk across hot coals just to make Evan smile. So getting a few beers into his home while his parents were away was nothing. He pushed himself up off of his bed, getting a baggy shirt and sweats that Evan had left ones of the many other nights he’d stayed there. He was planning to attempt to get Evan into them so he’s reasonably comfortable when he sleeps, but he’s that drunk that it probably wouldn’t matter if he was still in jeans or not. But, when he tried to get Evan’s top off, he went bright red and tried to bat Connor’s hands away.

He spluttered while trying to stop Connor from undressing him. “I have a boyfriend! You’re not allowed to undress me because Connor will get mad and him being mad kind of makes me want to cry.” He continued to ramble, his words slurring slightly. His heart broke slightly at Evan’s statement because Connor knew he was mad quite a lot. But he shook the thoughts away and replaced them with ‘Evan is such a lightweight. Probably because he has never drunk before.’ 

He let out a deep sigh. “I am your boyfriend, dipshit. I’m trying to get you into pyjamas so you don’t sleep in those shitty blue jeans.” Connor tried to persuade him, but Evan wasn’t having it. He kept waving him off, mumbling about how he wasn’t going to betray Connor. He would have found it adorable if he wasn’t trying to do something. Eventually, Connor gave up and sat next to Evan, laying his head in his hands and yawning, exhaustion suddenly taking over.

After a few minutes of silence, Evan spoke up. “I love Connor.” His chest tightened at Evan’s words. “I love him so much it hurts. Because sometimes I think to myself, ‘if I asked him to list everything he loves, how long would it take him to say himself?’ I’m not even sure if he would and it breaks my heart. I know he isn’t perfect and has done some shitty things, but he is getting better and loads of people don’t see that and treat him like he is some dog that they can provoke until it runs and tries to rip their face off!” Evan had slowly become slightly hysterical, crying about how amazing he feels his boyfriend is. Connor wanted to cry as well. No one had ever spoken so kindly of him. But Connor settled for holding Evan’s hand and saying sweet words to calm him down. 

When he had eventually calmed Evan down, Connor squeezed Evan’s hand. “He loves you, too. He worships you and I know he wouldn’t say he loves himself. But that list? Of things he loves? Would be filled with different things about you. He could go on for days about everything he loves about you. The only reason he doesn’t say anything day to day is because he is damaged and doesn’t show any emotions except anger. But I swear to you, he loves you.” Evan smiled warmly, looking at the floor with teary eyes before picking up the pyjamas, and slowly picking himself off the bed and to the bathroom to change.

By the time he returned, Connor was under the duvet waiting for him.When he climbed into bed, he left a decent chunk of space between him and Connor, obviously still drunk enough to think that Connor wasn’t actually Connor. But as soon as he heard Evan’s breathing even out, signalling he was asleep, he slipped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. 

Before he went to sleep himself, he kissed Evan’s shoulder and whispered ‘I love you’. 

-

I might do a part two if you want??
-K