Because I am emotionally compromised and after 5x10 I think these two are going to be needing a serious heart to heart with tears and hugging and the perfect dramatic music to go with it.
I’ll show you how to live again, and heal the brokenness within. Let me love you when you come undone
For weeks after they returned from the
Underworld, Emma found it she had trouble sleeping. She knew the primary reason
was the status of her relationship with Killian. Honestly, how is it possible
to rest when the steady foundation you had built and relied upon was suddenly
cracked and burned under your feet? She had done things she regretted and she
knew he regretted what he had done. It didn’t make it any easier.
Getting back to Storybrooke seemed to make
everything more real to him. He shut himself off from her, from everyone,
choosing to spend his time wandering by the docks. And in a way, Emma
understood the need to be alone. She needed time to reconcile with herself,
with Henry, with her parents. She refused to isolate herself from them again,
knowing that working to rebuild what she had with Killian would take support
and for that she needed her family.
Initially she had thought that she would wait for
him to come to her first. To everyone else, he always seemed to fight for them
more than she did. Maybe that was why they had doubted how strongly she felt
for him. She still saw him around town and with her family, but there was an
uncomfortable tension that hadn’t existed before. They were trapped in limbo-not
exactly separated, but definitely not together.
Eventually it became clear that he wasn’t going
to make the first move and she should have realized sooner. He always let her
make the first move, and she was kicking herself for not realizing it sooner.
Knowing him, he was probably thinking she didn’t want anything to do with him
anymore and shouldering all the blame for everything that had gone wrong.
had everything gone so wrong?
That was how she found herself seeking him out at
the docks a full six weeks after their return from the land of the dead. She
found him in the same spot they had sat after she returned with Lily and he had
encouraged her to reconcile with her parents. Now she needed to reconcile with
him. His head turned in her direction as she approached him.
“Killian can we talk. Please?” she shifted
nervously on her feet.
“There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t
already told myself, Swan,” he muttered, taking a long drink from his flask.
She moved cautiously forward. “I doubt that,” she
said, hoping beyond hope that he would give her a chance. “Could we go back to
He shrugged and moved to stand. “Why not,” his
voice was gruff. “I’m out of rum anyway,” he murmured, soft enough that she
doubted she was meant to hear it. She saw the purple bags under his eyes that
rivaled hers and it was only confirmation of everything she had suspected.
He was miserable. He thought she hated him. He
She followed behind him, observing the stiff way
he walked and his shoulders sagging like they held the weight of the world. He
looked like a man being escorted to his execution and she realized how damaged
he was by her prolonged absence.
She found her voice when they entered his cabin. “I
feel like you need to talk about everything. You know, get everything off your
chest,” she said as he walked over to his desk and pulled a bottle of rum from
one of the drawers.
He took a drink from the bottle and leaned
against the desk before setting it with a clank on the wood. “I’ve spent the
last six weeks thinking you wanted nothing to do with me, and then you show up
here and what? You want everything to go back to normal?” he scoffed, looking
up and meeting her eyes for the first time.
“Killian, I want nothing more than for things to
be the way they were between us, but I don’t expect that to happen. I just know
that I can’t keep living like this, I can’t keep acting like where we are now
doesn’t bother me,” she pleaded.
He refused to meet her eyes when he spoke again. “I
begged you not to turn me into that and you did it anyway. I did things I never
would have done otherwise and it feels a lot like you hate me for what you made
me into.” His tone isn’t sharp, but the words cut her any way.
“Are you saying you wouldn’t have done the same
“Of course I would have, Emma. But you’re
supposed to be better than me, you’re supposed to always do the right thing!”
“I can’t be this perfect person, Killian. You can’t
put me on a pedestal and expect more from me than everyone else. Maybe letting
you die was the best choice for the greater good, but for once I wasn’t
fighting for everyone else, I was fighting for me and the man I love,” she was
almost yelling, tears burning in her eyes. Maybe she had been selfish, but
after a lifetime of losing everyone close to her, she wasn’t going to lose him.
He froze at her words, his breath stuttering in
his chest. “Love. Not loved?” He looked as if he wanted to have hope, but was
“Love,” she repeated, coming to stand between his
legs and run her hands through his hair and offer him a feeble smile.
He closed his eyes at her ministrations his hand
coming to cautiously rest on her hip and sighing when she didn’t pull away. “After
everything I’ve done…” he whispered
She pressed on, taking what little progress she
could get as good news. “I won’t lie, it hurts. It hurts a lot, having every
flaw you see in yourself thrown in your face like that. But you seem to be forgetting
that I know what it’s like, to have your love for someone distorted and mangled
like that. I know you didn’t mean any of those things you said, and I’ve
“That just makes it worse, because at the root of
it all, I did mean them. You pushed me away for so long when all I was doing
was trying to love you. I never really dealt with the darkness in my past, only
pushed it aside. And you just said so yourself, I hurt you, Emma. Those things
I said were horrible and weren’t even lies. I don’t understand how you could
even look at me,” he turned his face away from her and her hands fell to his
Emma stood frozen for a full minute. She had
spent so long focusing on how he was there for her and putting aside his own fears
and insecurities that she had forgotten to be there for him. His walls were just
as high as hers and perhaps even stronger and she hadn’t realized.
She took a steadying breath before she spoke again.
“Because when I look at you, I see a man who was cursed with darkness and was
manipulated by it and managed to fight it off for the second time.” She tilted
his chin up so he would look her in the eyes. “You broke its hold on you when
it tried to hurt me, and if that’s not proof of how much you love me then I don’t
know what is.”
“Killian, I regret everything that I did while I was
the Dark One, but I can’t bring myself to regret saving you. I hate what we’ve
done to each other, but if I had to go through it again so that you could live,
I would do it in a heartbeat,” she said. “Even if you don’t want to be with me
anymore, you’re alive and that is what’s important.”
He shook his head in disbelief, as if he couldn’t
believe what she had said. “Of course I still want to be with you, Emma. The
question is why do you want to be with me?”
He looked so broken and it caused an ache to rise
in her chest. He honestly believed he was too far gone for them to
“Don’t you know, Killian?” she echoed his words
to her. “I love you. No matter what you’ve done.”
The tears that had gathered in the corners of his
eyes fell and the sight caused the dam to break in her too. Suddenly she
couldn’t stand the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around his neck
and cradled his head to her chest, and his hand hesitantly came to rest at the
small of her back before he grasped her tightly to him. His nose pressed into
the hollow of her throat and she could feel hot tears on the front of her
sweater. She buried her nose in his hair
After both their tears had subsided, she pulled
him over so they both lay on the narrow bunk in the corner. Neither one was
ready to move forward yet in that aspect of their relationship, but they both
needed the closeness.
“Emma, we still have a lot to work through, you
know that right?” he whispered, his hand running up her spine to tangle in her
She leaned in and touched her forehead to his,
reveling in the fact that they were holding each other again. “I know. But I’d
say this is a good first step.”
As she was falling asleep, finally able to rest
easy, she felt his kiss gentle on her brow. When he spoke, his voice was
groggy, on the edge of sleep himself.
((This is going to be a violet colored bloodbath))
*A rather bored looking violetblood floated in the shallows, pretty much just laying on his back and staring off into lord knows where. He hadn’t bothered to bring his better hook with him today, because really, who attacks a seadweller? Only the crazy soon-to-be-dead people that’s who. Yeah he was feeling pretty confident in this area. And if anyone DID attack him, well, he was feeling a little hungry.*
((I’m sorry I can’t start anything I fail at life))
You sigh a little out of a boredom, dragging your pipe behind you, the metal clinking every once and a while. Sometimes it was the only sound this night… Your familiar weapon, telling you it was always at your side. Something catches your eye, and you immediately slink into the shadows. You stare out into the water, your lips curling into a smirk. A figure floated out in the shallow water, and you could clearly tell that they were a sea dweller, just like yourself. Interesting… it’s been a while since you’d been able to spill some violet blood.
Working retail was a special kind of torture, but
someone had to do it. And Emma Swan was every manager’s dream employee. She was
a grad student working on a law degree, but since the semester was over, she
was available any time. It’s not like she had any reason to request off work. She
had no family to speak of, and her friends had all gone home for winter break.
Mary Margaret and Ruby had both invited her, but she hadn’t really felt the
desire to spend the holiday with a happy family when she didn’t have one. So
she spent her free time alone in the apartment she shared with her two friends
Which is how she ended up working an eight hour
shift on Christmas Eve. In the fitting room no less. Talk about being an
island. There were maybe three customers in the store and she still had three
hours until close. It was going to be a long night.
Speaking of customers, there he was again. The
guy had to have come by to try stuff on at least four times and he’d been in
the store for over two hours.
He was incredibly attractive (she wasn’t blind)
with the startling blue eyes surrounded by long lashes, and dark hair that
looked disheveled enough that it looked unintentional, but just barely. He had
scruff on his jaw and eyebrows that acted of their own accord when he would
grin at her. Which was often.
He always brought in only a couple things and
would leave to return with a completely different ensemble. She didn’t mind on
busy days, but she was craving something to do and if he wasn’t going to get
something the least he could do was allow her to put it back on the rack. And
not keep asking her opinion on everything (she wasn’t necessarily complaining
about an excuse to examine him head to toe, but it was still annoying).
time, love, and I swear I’ll stop bothering you,” he said, holding out his
hands for her to count his items and give him a number.
“Who said you were?” she asked, suddenly
defensive. He wasn’t bothering her necessarily, it’s just that she wanted stuff
to do and he wasn’t letting her have stuff to do. Slight irritation at most.
“You don’t realize it, but you’re quite easy to
read. Something of an open book.”
She stared after him as he took the plastic
number from her fingers. The entire time he was in the changing room she was
contemplating what he said. Open book? Hardly. She had learned from foster care
and from having her heart broken how not to show emotion and she was good at
He emerged from the room and she was a little
disappointed he wasn’t wearing a new outfit for her to critique.
“What do you mean open book?” she asked, before
he could even open his mouth.
His eyes danced with mischief as he grinned as if
she had played right into his hand.
“As I said, you’re easy to read. Don’t be too
worried, to the common man you are very much a mystery.
She wasn’t going to admit that she was impressed,
but she was impressed. “Well, Detective Holmes, I think you need to work on
your observation skills,” she said, and her smile was a little less customer
service and a little more on the flirty side. The guy was hot, and Ruby would
yell at her if she didn’t take the opportunity.
“It’s Killian, actually. Killian Jones,” he said,
handing her the plastic number. His smile said he definitely knew she was
flirting with him.
“So, Killian, why are you out so late? I mean, it’s
Christmas Eve, shouldn’t all your shopping be done already?” she asked.
“My life exists in a dull cycle of work and home.
Other than the typical gifts for work friends, I don’t have to do much
shopping. Which is actually pretty great because I don’t want to break anything
when my credit card bill comes in, unlike some people,” he smiled. Emma
laughed. She hadn’t realized how close he had gotten until he crossed his arms
on top of the podium she was working behind.
“No family you’re close to then?” she blurted
out, and she immediately kicked herself afterwards. She hated when people asked
her that very same question, and the look on her face must have given her away
because he deflected the question as well as she did when she got it.
“That, love, is a conversation better had when
you are not on the clock.”
She rolled her eyes at the thinly veiled
flirtation. “Is that your way of hitting on me?”
“No, when I kept repeatedly asking your opinion
on which jeans looked better, that
was my way of hitting on you. This is me asking if you would like to get a
drink with me,” he grinned and she felt herself blush because she definitely
hadn’t minded critiquing jeans.
Then she realized that he had actually asked her
out and she really didn’t know how to respond. Sure she had been to bars a few
times to snag the occasional one night stand and had gone on a few blind dates
to appease Ruby and Mary Margaret but an actual date where she knew who she
would be with before she met them? Not her style. So she did what she always
did when faced with anything involving feelings. She resisted.
“I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here, aren’t I?
If I say no, you know where I work. You could just keep showing up here and
As she spoke, his smile changed into a more
knowing one. “Remember what I said about being an open book? You’ve been hurt
before and you’re afraid to trust me,” he said, and she stared at him with an
open mouth because it had taken this stranger all of ten seconds to see right
“In any case, you know my name, so you know who
to report to the police if I start hanging around you too much. Have a good
night, love,” he turned to walk away and something in her told her to stop him.
“Killian, wait,” he turned back to her
immediately. “We close at eight. I can meet you at The Rabbit Hole downtown at
9. Do you know it?”
“Aye, I know it. I’ll be the dashing one waiting
at the bar.” His words were flirty but his eyes betrayed his obvious joy that
she had agreed.
“Wear that black Henley you had earlier. and roll
the sleeves up, girls love that,” she grinned, suddenly anxious for her shift
to be over.
“You know, I do typically like to know the name
of the lovely woman that I intend to get a drink with,” he said.
Now she really couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “My
name is Emma. Surely you’ve seen my name tag at least once in the billion times
you’ve come in here,” she joked.
He chuckled. “Perhaps I did, in the twelve times I came over,” he
emphasized, “But I thought I’d be a gentleman and let you tell me on your own
terms. Emma.” She shivered despite the warmth she felt when he said her name.
Her eyes flickered to his lips for split second,
but it was enough that he caught it. His tongue came out run across his bottom
“See you tonight,” he said, holding her eyes
while he backed away from her slowly, before turning to walk to the registers.
He was right where he said he would be, and she
had to admit it was a pleasant surprise. She refused his offer to pay for her
drink, just like he refused her offer to accompany him home. He didn’t even
kiss her. For that, he waited until New Year. Sometimes clichéd traditions aren’t
And next Christmas Eve she had a reason to
request off work, with a ring on her finger the next day to prove it.