sometime i have so many feels that i make things

anonymous asked:

How did you draw attention to your blog? I know it's not all about the notes, but it's still nice to see a lot and know your content is appreciated, you know? It's kind of disheartening to put tons of effort into posts and not get many notes on it

Hi nonny, I’m sorry you’re feeling down about the progress you’re making in your blog. I’ve been there (and still am). Sometimes the posts I put the least amount of effort in get so many notes, then I post something that took me SO LONG to set up, edit, write, and then it doesn’t get much attention. Just know everyone experiences that

Here are some things that I personally do that help me make friends in the community:

  1. Turn off notifications. If I have notifications on my phone, I know I’m constantly going to be checking it, so I need to get rid of the temptation. I only have notifications turned on for simblr stories I’m following.
  2. If I see someone that needs Sims for a challenge, I make a character for them! That is how I met the awesome @bottsbotts and a lot of others. It’s these kind of collaborations that give you a chance to talk to people and have your work showcased on another blog.
  3. I hardly ever message people on anon, even if it’s an embarrassing question or if I think that I’m sending an annoying amount of asks. People are more than happy to help and generally really friendly.
  4. Invest in stories. I try to make comments on how a character has progressed, take note when an author is trying a new writing style, and give specific reasons why a story has moved me.
  5. Find challenges. Editing challenges, building challenges, CAS challenges, etc. They get you inspired and using a specific tag helps others with similar interests see your work.

I hope this helped! @sandy-sims also has an awesome guide for simblrs. Even if you’re not new, she has lots of helpful tips. (I feel like I am always linking to Sandy’s guides. They are just amazing.)

part of me wants to be really numbed out by meds or just by sheer force of will but also it’s like maybe my highs make the lows worth it sometimes? like what if I get numbed out and I’m not being overwhelmed with my bad feelings as often and suddenly but I stop having my intense happiness/love/hopefulness/passion that I have sometimes and I love to feel? I feel like my capacity for deep intense feelings is my worst trait but it’s also my best. depends on the feeling we’re talking about. like those good feelings mentioned are what make me love myself sometimes and feel like I’ve got things going for me. even when I feel bad it’s nice to think about how many people tell me that I’m so loving and kind and warm. I don’t want to stop being that even tho it’s not consistent or super long lasting. but also I’m tired of feeling crushed at the drop of the hat and like this like black hole I feel inside me at all times no matter what that is never satisfied with anything no matter how much I get bc it’s never enough to fill it bc you can’t! fill a black hole! and no one wants to keep someone who’s got that inside of them around. it’s too much to ask of anyone. god I just feel like a big gaping festering wound that never heals. emotional burn victim as my therapist is always telling me. bad touches hurt and good touches hurt it doesn’t matter! I feel like my only hope rn is that I’m gonna be one of those people who outgrows BPD and I’ll become a good healthy person who people can love more easily. uh anyway it doesn’t matter and I’m good and everything is super peachy! I’m probs gonna sleep and I’m sure I’ll wake up a totally different person as usual. at least that’s consistent!

10

Loneliness

I realised that most of the stories I’ve written have always dealt with the concept of being alone; never as a bad thing, though the worst it can be is melancholic, but as a trait that somehow belongs to the main characters which they have accepted as part of their being. I could then easily how it echoed the experience of most of my entire life, being a very lonely child who kept to herself. I’m still the same person essentially, I still have mental conversations with myself (I think I’m a very funny conversationalist; too bad my social anxiety prevents most people other than my friends from enjoying it), but I’ve accepted this constant trait of being alone and managed to turn it into something that opens doors for me to experience the world in ways I wouldn’t have noticed (try being in a field looking at the clouds passing by! That’s my positive association with being alone).

Being in an age where everyone is connected everywhere and talking to everyone every time (Facebook, anyone?), it can make us more afraid of being alone than we already naturally are. We all have a need to belong to each other. At the same time though we need to learn how to belong to ourselves, and personally I find that it’s a very important especially with so many things going on we could very easily lose ourselves. Having a rich inner life is just as important as having a rich outer life, and they both inform each other.

*I may have jumbled up loneliness and being alone as being the same thing. Yeah I know!! It’s just how I experienced it; sometimes I really hate how I’m unable to easily make friends, which often makes me feel negatively isolated especially in a new environment (I was ALONE in college for a year until I found my clique). It’s terrible. But still things worked out in the end. Until it does though, make a friend out of yourself in the meantime.

1) The issue with Kylie Jenner is that she does not realise how much influence she has on young girls and continues to deny that she had work done on her body. She just needs to own up to some things .

2) There is nothing wrong with makeup but when you constantly send messages throughout the world with your unrealistic face and body goals, something is wrong .

3) Don’t come at me with the excuse that it’s her choice and freedom. We wish the world was that simple. People are doing stupid things because it is their right? Freedom? Choice? I call that bull. Just because it’s your choice and I know it’s bad, I can’t and won’t respect it.

Edit 1: 4) Being sexualised and at such a young age is not admirable.

5) She appropriates black culture and is willingly ignorant.

P.S. At the end of the day, what girls are learning from her are superficial things. You want to deny this truth, you can.

Edit 2: P.P.S. I really wanted to add something. I know how influenced Kylie is because of her family, but sometimes I just think that you can’t make that excuse all the time because today we have so many resources that tell us what is right or wrong. Just because you are ignorant about something doesn’t give you the pass to use the “family - influenced pass”. I also understand that she felt the need to be something she isn’t, but when you have that money, can’t you choose a better lifestyle or something which doesn’t make you feel pressured? What irks me is that she complains about feeling pressured by everyone but at the same time does the thing she “realises” is not good. She is so hypocritical. I also understand that life can’t be changed that easily but I have never seen her make the effort. It all feels so shallow.

5

hello, im back :) here’s a sketchdump! i drew these to cheer myself up, and also, I kinda miss aoba johsai a lot haha.

thank you all for the follows and the notes and the very kind words while I was away! they were so nice. i’m trying my best not to feel stressed, so I made this neat-o art requests page because drawing makes me happy. pls drop by! im taking art/comic requests during this weekend! :)

Advice and a Pep-Talk from one Autistic Writer to Another

I’ve seen enough “how to write autistic characters” directed at allistics but I’m not sure I’ve really seen any posts directed at autistics written by other autistics that’s just general writing advice. So here’s some tips and tricks and a pep talk.

1.   Write as many autistic characters as you want. It’s totally ok for every single one of your characters to be autistic. If other people can write stories without any autistic characters, you can write ones without any allistic characters. (After all, how can you write an autistic allistic character if you’re not autistic allistic. /s)


2.   Let your characters stim! It’s a great way to include body language in a way that feels natural for us.

On the topic of stimming, try and vary the stims your characters use. This is something I generally take care of in editing. Everyone would run their hands through their hair, but when they did that, it just became a filler description, so I cut the action from most of the characters and left it for a few. At that point, the stim became theirs. (I also then got to have lines like “Den ran his hand through his hair to calm his thoughts, a motion more like his brother than him.” which is like Look, characterization!)


3.  Body language and facial expressions are hard. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve described the body language or facial expression without actually saying what the character was feeling while writing, and then in editing have no idea what they were feeling.

It’s totally OK to write something like “their eyebrows jumped up in surprise as their jaw dropped towards the floor.” It’s descriptive enough to follow the “show, don’t tell” rule, but still names the emotion the character is feeling. It also lets you use non-standard body language (aka autistic body language and stimming) in a way that allistic readers can pick up on.

Reference sheets are a great way to have some standard allistic ways of expressing emotions via body language. This is a great way to make sure that if a character is expressing an emotion but it’s not something you can state in the story (or that your character is unaware of), that it’ll still be something your audience can pick up on.


4.   It can take a while to really get a feel for your characters. I tend to only really have their characterization solid enough to keep them consistent after I’ve written the initial rough draft. This is one of the reasons my first step after completing my initial draft is to rewrite everything. It’s just the easiest way I’ve found to make sure all the characters are in character - because if I tried to go through every single line and figure out what wasn’t in character, I’d be lost.

If you’re confused about why a character is doing something because you forgot what you were thinking and are having trouble figuring it out from context, it’s ok to take that bit out and rewrite it. Sometimes it might be because a character is acting out of character, and in that case it’s a good thing you’re fixing it.


5.      The details you include in your writing because you’re so detail oriented really makes the story come alive. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten told it feels like my world exists beyond the story and that my characters have lives beyond what’s mentioned on the page because I think about every little detail and make mentions of them.

Our attention to detail also tends to let us do unintentional symbolism and foreshadowing really well. We try and make every little thing relevant and tied into everything else, which is something that comes naturally to us and I’ve seen so many writers struggle with.


6.     Infodump in the rough draft as much as you want. If it keeps you writing, go for it.

You can remove (or better integrate) infodumps (because they tend to not be all that interesting to readers since they stop the story in their tracks) and any inconsistent details when you edit.

If you want to avoid just infodumping in the story itself, write down EVERYTHING about your characters, your world, your plot, everything you want to explain and anything that is relevant to know for the story in a separate document(s). For me, it gets the urge to explain EVERYTHING out of my system and helps me include only what’s needed when I’m writing. (Plus it makes a GREAT reference material for when you’re writing.)


7.      If you don’t explain something well enough, that can also be fixed in editing. This is where beta readers are useful since they can let you know where they’re confused and where more information is useful. This is also where taking a break between writing and editing can help, since if you’re confused it’s likely a spot where you need to include more information


(Again, this is advice for autistic writers from an autistic writer. Allistics and Writing blogs are encouraged to reblog this since this is writing advice, but unless you are autistic, please do not comment.)

Fanfiction Appreciation Post: Haikyuu!! (KuroTsuki)

I am super grateful for all the wonderful people who put all their hard work into writing fanfiction beautifully. So, since Fandom Fic Rec Days are coming soon, I’m going to make a couple of posts dedicated to my favorite fanfics! I have too many in Haikyuu!!, so there are subsets based on the main relationship in the fic. Enjoy!

(These are in no particular order)

Days without you are horrible by boy101 (T; 1.1k; English; Complete)

Tsukishima comes home late after a shit day at work and mentally beats himself up for it. Kuroo’s there to make things a little more OK again.

Comments: I’m not even sure why, but I loved this one so much when I first read it, and sometimes I go back and reread it just for the heartwarming feeling it gives me.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? by MelissaWritesStuff (@melissawritesstuff) (G; 6.4k; English; Complete)

“You don’t have anyone to kiss at midnight, do you?”

Tetsurou could sense Kei tense up beside him as he hesitated. “…No. I don’t.”

Tetsurou took a deep breath before looking up at Kei, and Kei’s expression was impossible to read, so Tetsurou just said it. “Would you mind if I kissed you?”

Comments: OMG ONE OF MY FAVORITES IN THE “GETTING TOGETHER” CATEGORY. Just, all that pining, and how they finally, finally realize how the other feels. Ugh, my heart.

xiv by ronan  (@kasbrekker) (M; 7.2k; English; Complete)

He counts the many moles on Tsukki’s unblemished skin and kisses the ones on his back. He’s always joking about them composing a constellation.

“This one looks like Scorpius’,” he lied once, tracing a random pattern between Tsukki’s shoulder blades.

Comments: I love the well-done details in their moments and the delicate fashion in which this fic handles things like coming out. Sexual orientation is difficult to explain as it is, but romantic orientation is a whole other uncharted territory. Also omg the plant.

Two Week Fold by surveycorpsjean  (@zanimez) (E; 28k; 7 chapters; English; Complete)

Tsukishima is a blackjack dealer in Las Vegas.

A gorgeously rich businessman keeps stopping by his table- cat eyes so dark, swirls of interest dragging where ever they look.

“I need something pretty to take with me to the match.” He purrs, “And you certainly are pretty.”

Comments: I tend to avoid AU’s that are canon-divergent, but goddamn this one just stole my heart. Amazing!

to the beat of my heart by kittebasu (chanyeol) (E; 68k; 2 chapters; English; Complete)

Former boyband member and acting idol Tsukishima Kei’s continued entanglement with Nekoma’s lead singer Kuroo Tetsurou is just a series of missed steps in choreography he can’t quite master. (It doesn’t help at all that Kuroo Tetsurou makes a habit of constantly changing the music.)

Comments: Again, I usually don’t read fics with AU’s that are canon-divergent, but this one just blew me away. Incredible fic. 

This list is in no way complete. These are just five of the several fics that have given me the feels, warmed my heart, made me melt, brightened my day, and/or inspired me. Even if those fics aren’t up here, I really appreciate the hard work of all those writers.

Stay tuned for appreciation posts of fics with other Haikyuu!! pairings, and for appreciation posts of fics for other fandoms!

For KageHina fic recs, go here!

For poly ship fic recs, go here!

For TsukkiYama fic recs, go here!

For a masterpost of my fic recs, go here!

Looking back, you often find that there’s hints that guided you to your current identity. I’ve been identifying as aromantic asexual fairly consistently, but there were several moments in my life where I really felt aromantic asexual like:

Faking an interest in romantic relationship roles while playing pretend with friends I wanted to impress growing up. Crafting completely fake interests, and reinforcing that through straight acting behavior when in groups. 

Committing to strictly platonic relationship roles while playing pretend with friends I trusted, or even willing myself to be put into a romantic role if it meant playing out my platonic feelings for a friend in the role opposite of mine. 

Having panic attacks as a child about growing up alone, not because I feared never meeting someone who would love me enough to be with me but because I knew I didn’t want someone to love me like that.

Knowing at a young age that it didn’t matter if my friends cared about me or loved me or if I cared about them or loved them, because ultimately we’d all go our separate ways and I would have absolutely no one. 

Being okay with sexual humor, and making immature jokes about sex and sexuality but for some reason becoming extremely upset when sexual jokes involved me in the joke in some way. 

My friends and peers referring to me as an amoeba because of my lack of interest in other people. A lot of asexual reproduction jokes in science class. People assuming I was just immature/incapable of mature feelings like…

…romance and sexual desire. 

Picking up books that seem good to me. Reading the summary, and being disappointed at how cisheteronormative it was. Putting them down or back on the shelf because it wasn’t relatable at all to me. 

Finding cisheteronormative narratives not just unrelatable, but distressing because the people around me kept putting me into that box when I wanted nothing to do with that. 

My friends asking me for my opinion on people they were interested in, and it taking me everything in my power not to cringe because I wanted to be a good friend who validated their attraction in other people. 

e.g. “Wow, they’re so cute.” “That’s so sweet.” “How romantic.”

…when I didn’t actually care all that much, beyond the general well-being and happiness of my friends, which in turn would make me feel guilty because I would have to fake my way through so many conversations.  

Genuinely being happy for my friends having significant others, but finding the interactions between them and their significant others to be such a foreign thing to me that I can only understand on a technical perspective. 

Being the “third wheel” or “odd one out” whenever my friends brought their significant others with them to group outings, sometimes to the point of jealousy not of people being in a relationship but of not having enough time with friends.

Any sadness or frustration over this dynamic being misread as a desire for a romantic/sexual relationship, to the point of people trying to set me up with people they think would be good for me. 

The bonds between friends and I being nearly broken due to people pressuring us to be together, and me being devastated by that. Once, someone I barely knew joking about someone I supposedly liked and I put my foot down.

Them going “Oh, I heard you liked them like that though?” and I got very serious with them and said “No. I really don’t” The realization hitting them, someone I barely knew, that all the talk about us was just talk and I felt terrible about it. 

Feeling guilty for never returning feelings from friends who really did like me like that and thinking that maybe some day I could “learn” to like them like that if I just forced myself to be that way.  

My discomfort and embarrassment surrounding flirting being misread as being coy or as having a crush on someone. Being constantly paranoid to this day that my discomfort will be misinterpreted as interest, even with coworkers.

etc. 

These are just some of the ways I remember feeling very aromantic asexual growing up. A lot of it centers around relationships, because I found that to be the most enlightening as to who I am and the most isolating. 

It’s important to look at some of the smaller moments in your life and go “oh yeah, that’s a clue right there” “that’s how I knew who I am” because sometimes you may feel like you’re just making things up and you don’t deserve to be you.

when I said hold me I meant take the words from my eyes, drip your loneliness into breaths I can digest from the stars I hear you in. I love the lonely in hopes to someday love myself. I write in the broken to complete the sentences I dreamt up when yesterday bit my tongue. I cry in heaves to remember how to feel when I miss the feeling of belonging in my own arms. when I said I need you I meant I see trees where your feet have ran into dust, a billed sentence asking the ocean to take you whole tonight. Exhaustion is in the way I say hello to a letter folded in half every night, in fingers that have lost track of bedtime stories told to the silence humming a hole through my stomach every time the sun rises before you close your eyes. In the sand that left an imprint of a door I’ve kept open for the wind to close in a single debt I pay to bruise my knees to hear you say my name. Love me or leave me, just listen when I say it was never meant to be this way. Or like that. Or like never. Some words don’t hold weight, it just means that I’ve got to let this go, just like how you’ve got to let me go. Some days, I try– today, I do. Today was not meant for an us. Once again, I fall short. I don’t get to hit the ground and break into a million pieces. I don’t get to lose my breath and have a noose that’s too tight, I get to breathe today. I don’t get to overdose, I can be a little high– these things are alright, it doesn’t break my heart to take another pill, but it fucking rips me open to know that we can’t do this anymore. Was love meant to be this hard? Am I unlovable? Were you? If you were a soulmate, then this isn’t really goodbye. It just sounds like it. If we were ever in love, then this is us finally getting it right. Sometimes when you love people, you hurt them. Sometimes when you love people, you let them go. They say that if someone really wants to be with you, they won’t have an excuse as to why things won’t work. They’ll make it happen. This is my excuse, I’m just not that into you anymore. And yes, I should’ve tried hard– but if that’s the case, how come I feel like a hardened soldier who has been through hell for you? Cities have fallen for less, my heart has been undressed so many times, I forget about what it feels like to finally pick yourself. Against the odds, I picked tragedy. My back against the wall, I pick the salt throne. If this life composes another symphony, you won’t be a part of it. If this heart picks another sound to dance to, you won’t be by the phone. If I decide to pick destruction, at least I’ll break by my own hands. I don’t need your consent to fucking hurt tonight. I don’t need your smile to be understood– some days the ocean asks to drown, today? It’s judgment day. And this is just another meaningless poem as to why things could’ve worked out, but did not. This is what a broken heartbreak speaks when it has had enough. This is my no to your yes. This is my goodbye to your stay. This is my poem for our home, this is forgive me– it’s yours and yours alone.
—  The Ate & The Bunso
things I’ve been thinking about

-OCs who don’t know what’s going on with their gender/sexuality.  there’s representation in shared labels, but also in shared “I don’t know why I feel this way about what I am or who I like, sometimes I don’t even know what I feel about those things”.  or at least there is for me, haha, so this might be a little selfish???

-on the same lines as “don’t wait until you’ve ‘gotten good enough’ to start making your dream project”, don’t think people won’t like it if the art is a mess at the beginning.  so many big webcomics have made their start with grobbly lines and a color palette right out of the MS paint default colors, and then, by dint of regular updates and just being online to read, developed an extremely loyal and passionate fandom.  and that stuff will carry with you into your next project!  so by all means, please, make the thing.  I am cheering for you.

-if there isn’t a “look at the first/most recent page of these big-name comics” compilation out there I’ll make it myself!!

So I had a thought while in bed last night..

Like many of you, I’ve been pretty devastated over the news concerning Stefan’s health. It’s been a rough few days and I can only imagine how very much worse it’s been for Stefan and his family. There’s a lot of sadness and uncertainty right now and no one knows how much time our beloved Plant Dad has left with us.

But I had a thought float into my head last night while I was trying to sleep last night and, while it may sound cold to some, I wanted to post about it for those it might help, even if only slightly.

In a way, everyone is terminal. We’re all going to pass on some day whether we like it or not, and none of us truly knows when our number is up; none of us know when we’re going to go. Could be in five minutes, could be in fifty years. And that’s why it’s so important to cherish everyone in our lives every day. Because none of us know how long we have, or how long any of our loved ones have. The only thing that changes about our exit from this world are the circumstances, so…as hard as it can be sometimes, we can’t take anything, any precious day, for granted.

I love this fandom. You guys make me feel like I have a home online. I’ve never felt like I fit in a community so much before. I love you. I love you all and I’m so so glad that–even if peripherally in many cases–you’ve touched my life. You have all made my life just a little bit better by existing and creating and sharing and loving, and that’s the best thing anyone can ever do for others: make their lives better.

I don’t know how much time we have with Stefan. I also don’t know how much time I have, or how much time any of you have. Which is why we need to share our love and compassion with everyone now…because later isn’t always guaranteed to be there.

I love you guys. Keep creating, keep sharing, keep loving. And keep memeing.

thanks-b  asked:

Hello Jenny, ur account is so inspiring, so that's why I want to ask u for advice. I'm really hard-working person, but I can't deal with my homework. U know I have to study all lessons and it doesn't depends on what I'll acc pass as my finals. So I was wondering if u know how to help me not starting crying any time I start doing my homework, Bc I feel like I have so much to do and tbh it's really ( I swear) impossible to do. Sorry for the typos I'm Russian tho..

QUOTES:

“Cry as hard as you want to but  just make sure that when you stop crying, you will never cry for the same reason again”.

Hi, how are you? 

OMG thank you so so much for sending me this message and it means a world to me hahaha.

Well you need to know one thing is that it’s okay to cry, to feel sad, to feel tired, sometimes. Tbh, I (everybody) have the exact same problem like you and there so too many things that need to get done and we all don’t know where to start. Maybe after you cry you will realize something (like how to do that exercise).

Here are my tips after crying (I hope that it will work):

1.  Determine/Analyze the reason why you can’t do that exercise

2. Make a list of things you need to get done.

3. Create a schedule so you know what to study!

4. You need to get a calendar or planner to see things need to get done or any tests in that week

5. If you have a test make sure that you start to learn at least one week before.

6. If you don’t understand or know how to do that exercises, you need to think first and if you still don’t know how to do it then ask your friends, your teachers, like anybody or just google it!

7. DO NOT DO ALL YOUR HOMEWORK AT THE SAME TIME, SPREAD THEM OUT (like if you have math test on Friday you should start doing your homework at least two or three days before so you will never will feel overwhelmed)

8. If you have so much things to in one day try “Touch it once” rule

9. If you have monday/anyday homework, finish it on the same day

10. Review things you just learned on the same day, the day after and on sunday

11. Take a 5-10 minutes break after 25-45 minutes study

(make sure that you are taking a break not study, and don’t do things that make you procrastinate like watching youtube/movies instead of that you show go around, do some stretching, drink water,etc.)

12. Reward yourself for working so hard

13. Don’t study in dark or in your comfort zone make sure that you have enough light, and your study space must smell good, you can also put some motivation pictures (go to my account to see hahaha ), and know need to have cup of water on your desk

14. Study with your friends can also help you too!

15. Get enough sleep and eat healthy food!

There will be more but I can remember so sorry!

Have a nice year!

p/s: my grammar is not really good:)

Music

Does anyone else have just that one band that whatever happens or however long its been they just always feel like home

I have so many
Even when I feel lonely or angry or stressed or depressed I have these people who I’ve never met and don’t even know I exist making me feel better through poetry they probably wrote in the middle of the night while they we’re going through the same things
Sometimes things are so fucked up and music heals so much pain its amazing

I don’t think I’d be here without music

I’m going to be honest, I am flawed in so many ways that sometimes broken mirrors are luckier than I am. I am cracked in every direction, splattered with old regrets and memories that probably will never fade away. I am the emotional baggage people leave behind at airports when they find their true loves, I am the product of things people never wanted. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and I am not proud of some of the things I’ve done. On really lonely nights, I feel like I deserve all this and I don’t try to make up for my mistakes. I am stubborn– you would have more luck convincing the Greek gods of their shadows than you would with me. I’m picky and sad a lot of the times, being satisfied is a feeling I am not familiar with. I am telling you all of this now because as you know, we are all imperfect. But I don’t want you to spend your time looking for all the reasons why you shouldn’t love me; as human beings we are destructive compositions of everything our mothers warned us about and we will never find a person untainted by their own faults– if we were rational, we would take love off the table. There are a lot of things about me– about anybody– that should scare you. There are a lot of things to run away from. But I won’t hide them from you, like buried treasure, you will find them eventually. You will pick at them with the tips of your fingers and ask yourself if you can stand it, if your heart is strong enough to weather the symptoms of this particular person and I will bare my worst to you, promise you that bad days are in store if you decide not to leave. There is no use in lying, no purpose in trying to fix certain parts of ourselves that make us who we are– sometimes there are holes you cannot patch up. But I will do my very best to tell you the truth, to show you that I am not pristine, that pedestals are not where I belong. I will allow myself to be completely and utterly me around you. And that is the best way I know how to ask you to stay.
—  Let’s face it we’re all a little messed up but somehow that doesn’t stop us from loving
Day 1124

You know what, fuck it. I can’t sit here and not say it once. I don’t even know if you’re listening, if anyone is able to hear me anymore. You should’ve come down a long time ago. Why didn’t you? 

I’m pretty sure I’ve asked you that question a million different times, in a thousand different ways but I thought you’d be here by now. 

But anyway, I can’t go another day without saying these words because it doesn’t matter that I’ve told Madi every little thing about you. That she knows your favorite color, she knows that you hunt, that you tell the best stories I’ve heard, that you are fierce and courageous. Hell, she knows that you’ve saved me so many different times because every time I think about giving up, I hear your voice whispering my name, I feel your skin brushing against mine and I find a tiny bit of hope. She knows that shooting stars and shooting targets remind me of you, that writing things down makes me shake on the bad days and that I used to have you, that sometimes I wish I’d taken your offer when we sat by the tree and you said, come with me, we can just go. How simple that would’ve been? How good of a life could we have had? She knows that saying together is a way to bring me back when I start going crazy, when I start giving up. She knows never to call me Princess, even though she wouldn’t understand why it became a nickname from you, she knows that some things are sacred between you and I. And she knows I love you.

God, Bellamy, she figured that one out so fast. Were we really that blind? I remember it’s was just a month after I’d taken her in, adopted her as my own. I was telling her about the time we stood on that beach and forgave each other and hugged, and how I would’ve hugged you, held you, until the stars themselves winked from existence. She laughed, said I was dramatic, which I’m sure I got from someone, probably you. But it’s true, because god Bellamy, I would’ve held you in my arms, just letting our breathing stay in time until everything, not just the earth died. She asked me, after I finished the story of meeting Luna, if you knew. I was confused and then she just said that “you love him and did you tell him?” I could shake my head because I tried, twice, to tell you and you wouldn’t let me say it because you believe us so much and you believe in me. 

So now I’m believing in you and I know, I know that I should say this to your face the first time, so I can truly explain and show you but I’d never be able to live with myself if I never spoke the words aloud. 

So here it is. The one truth I think my soul has always known, but the words that have shaken me and terrified beyond anything else. 

I love you, Bellamy Blake. I’m in love with you (muffled crying).

God, I hope if get this, it’s only you listening and I don’t have to have everyone teasing me for months when you all finally come home to me.

Just, Please. 

(Transmission end)

Keep reading

I am happy when I eat fresh fruit, when I burst out laughing, when I discover a new song, when I finish a good book, when I wake up and feel relaxed. I’m glad to have friends, family, a home, food when I’m hungry, hot water when I shower. I love being able to live and see the seasons change, to have gifts at Christmas and at my birthday, to travel sometimes, to have a good education and a great access to culture. I’m flattered when people compliment me, when peole smile at me, when people are polite to me. There are so many things that make life so simple and easy and I will always think about them more than all the bad things that will happen to me. I do not have time to be sad every day and ungrateful; I have every reason in the world to be happy.
—  A few reasons why I’ll always prefer living by elsablt
Fave parts of Supergirl 2x13

Ok but like, the entire episode? It was so perfect? We are blessed. But in an attempt to narrow it down slightly, here are some of my favourite Karamel moments from2x13.


#1 Kara being a very happy and adorable puppy as she nuzzles into Mon el’s shoulder (gif source)

Um, excuse me? This sort of thing is not allowed Kara, tone it down gurl. Seriously tho, I had to pause the episode here just to compose myself.


#2 Thumbs. Just thumbs (gif source)

Again with the cute???? What is she doing? unacceptable Kara, stop petting your perfect adorable puppy. But look at his face he is so happy that smile just fixed climate change


#3 Sad puppy (gif source)

Ok so I know this isn’t exactly happy but just look at his face!!! He is so distraught that Kara is leaving, he’s on the brink of tears! He has never felt this way about anyone, he didn’t even know there were this many feelings to be had and the biggest thing is that he is so overwhelmed by his feelings, he can’t even see that this is totally out of character for Kara and she is clearly pulling a trick on him! He is in so deep the poor guy also Kara must truly be made of steel to be able to resist those soulful eyes


#4 the quietest “please” you have ever heard (gif source)

I mean, look!! She barely moves her mouth!!! And this is so important because sometimes I feel like Kara doesn’t make her feelings for Mon el as clear as he makes his for her, but actually her’s are just a bit more subtle probably because she struggles to open up and make herself vulnerable. But! This! Right! Here! She is so scared that her trick has worked too well and he’s leaving, she thinks she’s messed everything up and she is desperate to get him to stay. She needs him there, and although she might take a while to say it, she gets the words out, quiet as they may be. Kara often gets all whispery when she’s around Mon el and it does things to my heart


#5 The Kiss™ (gif source)

I mean all kisses are great when they involve my OTPs, but this type is possibly my favourite. All that pent up sexual tension which, let’s be real, I’m a massive slut for even though it destroys my life, is finally let out and both characters go to town. Basically this entire scene cleared my skin, watered my crops and made me happy for the entire evening!


Although…


Least Fave part of Supergirl 2x13

The fact that the focus here switched to some roses and I could no longer see my two fave puppies making out in high definition ;) (gif source)

(gifs not mine)

anonymous asked:

heya heya have you counsidered mc with abandonment issues? *finger guns*

YES I HAVE AND I’vE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK I HAVE SO MANY IDAS  -greenTE: Triggers, spoilers ahead~ (I’ll mark which characters have spoilers)

Yoosung:(spoiler free)

-the only thing he has close to abandonment issues is losing Rika 

-so I would think that no, he doesn’t fully understand your abandonment issues, but to somewhat of an extent he gets it 

-he’ll get offput when you sometimes make such casual comments about how one day he’ll leave you 

-tries to constantly reassure you that he’s going to stay with you

-his gaming habits aren’t the best for this, i think. Him not paying attention to you for hours makes you feel unwanted and not needed, and once he realizes this he tries to keep gaming to a minimum or even ask you to join in, maybe?? 

-how could you think yoosung would ever leave you with how yandere this kid is jesus christ

Jumin:(spoilers)

-so. :)

-jumin leaving you all alone in his penthouse and only coming back late at night really isn’t what you need 

-you’re actually thinking about running away from the penthouse because every time Jumin is late to dinner you have a panic attack and you swear, he’s just not going to come back one day

-and he does. one day he doesn’t come back to the penthouse, and he doesn’t give you a text or a call. and you’re all alone. just like before. always alone

-you want to leave, so badly, but you have to take care of Elizabeth. you can’t have her suffer from your mistakes with Jumin..

-Soon Elizabeth is the only reason you’re breathing and you love her more than yourself because she is the only good thing right now

-you almost become like Jumin, except you don’t imagine her as your ex. You imagine her as yourself. 

-it’s been a week and you haven’t really ever signed on the messenger and you haven’t been eating or sleeping well, you just stare out the window or play with the cat

-and then all the sudden the door opens

-you think it’s one of the guards. Maybe they’re finally here to kick you out? 

-you were expecting this, so you head out to the living room where you’ve already packed a bag 

-wait is that jumin

-and he’s acting??? like everything is normal??

-wow you’re having a panic attack

-and jumin is just like “??????” nonetheless of course he helps you out 

-turns out jumin actually legit forgot to tell you he was on a business trip and just left you in the dust for a week 

-he’s actually surprised you aren’t mad at him. you should be. but instead your just cursing at yourself and mad at yourself? baby no

-once you tell him about your abandonment issues, he actually is super understanding

-he wasn’t neglected but. his childhood was kind of weird too guys

-he’ll never do it again. he’s taking you on all his business trips and is making a habit of coming home early and calling you on the phone

-this surely isn’t the last time something like this will happen. but you bet your ass it will happen less frequently and jumin will try his best to stay in contact with u 

Jaehee:(spoilers)

-ALSO knows what it’s like

-same with yoosung. doesn’t have abandonment issues, but knows what it feels like to be isolated and all alone

-but you don’t have a lot of time to think too deeply about how one day she’ll grow tired of you with how you two are constantly together running the shop and living together

-you two are constantly connected to the hip

-she’ll make sure to help you through your issues. she’ll make sure to hold your hand when the panic attacks come and run her hand along your back when your depressed. 

-really jaehee is such a BABE

Zen:(spoilerfree)

-if you count up all Zens fangirls, that’s how many panic attacks you’ve had since dating this guy

-Zen’s pretty quick to act though. if you guys are on a date and a fan comes up and starts flirting, he’s quick to dismiss them and then shower you in a bunch of affection

-he’s pretty scared that one day you’ll end up leaving him, so you guys are kind of a mess with your insecurities 

-you’ll try to be tough for Zen, but every time you do you break twice as hard

-Zen really doesn’t know what to do when you have a panic attack other than sweet whispers in your ear and flirting with you???

-babe I’m crying why are you flirting with me

-it works. somehow. somewhat. i don’t know how but it WORKS

-guys have you honestly heard his voice though like of course it could calm you down

-expect a ton of dates because that’s what he does to show his love and how he proves he’ll never leave you

-sometimes he’ll sing you songs about how you’re amazing and he wants to be with u forever

-he’s so cheesy 

(Saeyoung’s was way too long so it will be in a separate post -Green)

Over the last couple of months, I’ve had dozens of people ask me (through my blogs, through our butch support group on facebook, and through our local meetup group) if I could help them figure out if they were butch. This has ranged from “can you be a sounding board for me to work through some stuff?” (which I’m always happy to do, makes me feel useful!) to “can you basically just give me the answer?” (to which i would like to say, “i don’t know a fuckin thing my guy”). 

Its made me realize what a rocky (ha, ha) terrain this is for so many people. god, I know how it felt for me to settle into butch, like pulling on your most weather worn boots that have, over time, totally aligned to the shape of your feet. Sometimes I forget what it was like to break them in. Sometimes I forget how lost you feel before you’ve found your home. If I can raise the lantern to the path behind me, I’d very much like to do that, for anyone still stumbling through the dark.

When people come to me and want to work out their feelings about their relationship to butch, I don’t ask questions like, have you ever been mistaken for a man, are you attracted to femmes, is your hair short, do you have a strong build, are you dysphoric, do you wear flannel shirts and solid men’s shoes. These are all things associated with butchness, and certainly with good reason, but they aren’t the definition. This isn’t about what you put on your body. Neither is it a wishy washy identity thing - it’s something you can’t take off or put on, just something you can choose to own or not. I am butch no matter what I do.

Think about the last time you saw a butch in public. Like, a real live butch stranger, existing and living out there. How did you feel? Did your heart light up for a moment, hoping she’d see you? If you’ve had the pleasure to be around other butches already, do you feel camaraderie? Does something hard and rough unfold just a little at the edges before you go back out into the world? When you read butch words, butch history, do you feel rooted and real? Does it make you feel like you can live?

When I tried to hide my butch self, it was miserable - and everyone could see through it anyway. When I came home, I found myself. I found myself in womanhood. I found myself in lesbianism. I found a paper trail of proof that I exist, have existed throughout history, will continue to exist, that I don’t have to stuff my unwilling and untamed body into a falsehood of femininity or the dissociative state of manhood. Suddenly, I had roots. Suddenly, my feet were on the ground - armored by these old weather worn boots that have seen me through so much.

(pic from fun home by alison bechdel)

anonymous asked:

Cute things the demons + Rin, Yukio, Bon, Shima, Angel and Lewin would tell their s/o :)

Sorry for how this looks, I will update it next time I have access to my laptop :3
This will be the most cheesy thing ever! *-*
I love cheesy romance.
Sorry that I didn’t write so many things to some of them bc I simply didn’t know what to add anymore.

RENZOU SHIMA:

  • “I want you in every kind of way. I just want you with me.”
  • “Feel appreciated my darling, you are.”
  • “You make me happy with only your existance and that means so much to me.”
  • “You look perfectly fine today.”
  • “I know I can be a jerk sometimes, but I hope you also know that I love you with all of my heart.”
  • “I would do anything for you.”
  • “I’m forever yours”
  • “I love you and nothing will ever change that”
  • “You’re the most beautiful person without make up I’ve ever seen.”
  • “I never want to lose you.”
  • “If I ever make you cry I want you to know that it hurts me more than it hurts you.”
  • “I would always choose you over everyone.”

(if this is true is another thing, because I do not trust Renzou, especially not when it comes to love but he would say this, lie or not)

RYUJI SUGURO:

  • “Where have you been all my life?”
  • “You’re less annoying than all the other people.”
  • “I love you, you are my treasure.”
  • “You know how much you mean to me, never ever question that please.”
  • “Don’t do something stupid, I need you and I won’t ever risk losing you.”
  • “Don’t ever question how beautiful you are.”
  • “Y/N I’m scared that Okumura kid likes you…” 
  • “You are perfect.”
  • “SHUT UP AND BE MINE ALREADY!”
  • “I hope your day was beautiful and I hope if it wasn’t, the people who ruined it better run fast.”
  • “You’re mine.”
  • “Pls be safe Y/N.”

LEWIN LIGHT:

  • “For you I would take a bath.”
  • “You’re obviously the most precious thing on earth.”
  • “You move me and turn my world upside down like nobody else ever did.”
  • “I’m willing to change everything for you.”
  • “Believe me, you are worth everything you want.”
  • “If I could, I’d give you everything a man could give the love of his life.”
  • “It surprises me every time, how beautiful you are.”
  • “I miss you so much, when we’re apart, Angel even started getting mad about it.”

LUCIFER:

  • “Forever is a long time, but with you every second seems to be worth as much as a thousand lives without you.”
  • “I could spend every day of eternity with you and it would still be the same perfect thing it is today.”
  • “If I ever find myself without you, I’ll sure be dead, because I don’t think there’s a life after you.”
  • “Maybe this world isn’t as unfair as I thought, because it brought me you.”
  • “You are the proof for god’s existance.”
  • “You’re my life, I hope you know and I hope I’ll never forget to show it.”
  • “If you’re ever unsatisfied with me, I failed, because the original plan was to make you the happiest person in both Assiah and Gehenna.”
  • “How can you even love someone like me? I’m a demon! I’m dangerous! I could hurt you.”
  • “As long as you’re with me, everythings going to be alright.”
  • “You’re a part of me now.”
  • “I always thought this world was cruel, sad and unfair because the most important thing in my life was missing. And that was you.”
  • “Without you ‘Love’ is just a word.”
  • “I will love you forever, I can promise.”
  • “I’m Lucifer, King of Light, but I’m nothing without my queen.”

MEPHISTO PHELES:

  • “I thought love didn’t exist but then you came and made it the most real thing in the whole universe.”
  • “Need something, love? I’ll get you everything you want ⭐”
  • “You don’t even know how much I enjoy being with you.”
  • “I’m pretty sure that this time I’m in it for the long haul.”
  • “If you want to please me, you’re doing a very good job.”
  • “Let me know if there is anything I can do, to make my princess happy ⭐”
  • “You’re really too good for this world.”
  • “You must know…I didn’t know I could have such a huge crush on someone.”
  • “Are you sure that being as beautiful as you are isn’t a crime already?”

YUKIO OKUMURA (isn’t quite one for cheesy quotes):

  • “You have to promise me to be safe, because I couldn’t forgive myself if you were hurt.”
  • “I’m afraid that I might not be able to show you the love you deserve…”
  • “I miss you so much every time you’re not there.”
  • “If someone ever asks me what perfection is, I’ll tell him about you.”
  • “You keep me sane when I think I’m going crazy.”
  • “It’s good to know, that there’s always someone you can lean on .”
  • “You’re my whole world.”
  • “I will never let you go I promise.”

RIN OKUMURA:

  • “Aye Y/N, you’re so cute.”
  • *blushes* “I love you…”
  • “You’re really special to me.”
  • “You’re different from other people and I really appreciate that.”
  • “The best thing about you is, that you encourage me in doing what I want when everyone else would say it’s bullshit.”
  • “You are incomparable to anyone.”
  • “You look so pretty today.”

AMAIMON:

  • “You’re the sweetest candy I’ve ever tasted.”
  • *pokes cheek* “I love how cute you are.”
  • “Someday I’ll marry you, okay?”

ARTHUR AUGUSTE ANGEL:

  • “I love everything about you. Even your mistakes. Everything.”
  • “Do you mind staying with me forever?”
  • “You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be.”
  • “I always thought I had everything. But then I met you.”
  • “You’re my everything.”
  • “I feel like I never understood what life truly means until I had you to show me.”
  • “It may be that the world doesn’t only turn around you but my world does definitely.”