Viktor is probably the kind of person who, when he’s mad at someone, he’ll completely ignore their existence and just be really fucking petty by talking to everyone except that person.
And the first time he and Yuuri get into a serious argument, Yuuri is just really taken off guard by it because he’s so used to Viktor hanging all over him.
But he knows he’s the one at fault, so he tries to give Viktor space to be upset for a while.
And later that night, they still haven’t made up, so Viktor decides to sleep in the guest room.
Only he has a lot of trouble falling asleep, because Yuuri’s not there. And after a few hours of tossing and turning,he decides to get up for a glass of water.
On his way back to his bed though, he hears something from his and Yuuri’s bedroom and, worried, goes to check it out.
So he opens the door, and there’s Yuuri, curled up in bed, and his shoulders are shaking, and he’s sobbing quietly.
Viktor’s heart stops.
“Yuuri! Are you okay?” he gasps, running over to the bed and drawing Yuuri into his lap. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“I-I missed you,” sobs Yuuri, clinging to him tightly, and Viktor feels his heart shatter because oh no, he’d never meant to make Yuuri cry.
So he spends the next hour comforting Yuuri and whispering apologies to him, and in the end they both fall asleep in the same bed and Viktor spends the entire next day absolutely spoiling Yuuri rotten.
And from then on, whenever Viktor is upset at Yuuri, he’ll grumble and make petty jabs at him and be extra difficult and obnoxious, but he never outright ignores Yuuri the way he did that first time.
Because even when you’re mad at someone, it doesn’t mean you stop loving them, and Viktor would sooner cut off his own legs than make intentionally make Yuuri cry like that again.
do you mind making some more lance hcs?? I've read all of the other ones like 3 times.
anon that’s a lot of headcanons to be reading lmao.. i don’t shut up about my Blue Boy. This is half headcanon/half character analysis lmao.
WHOM UP FOR SOME LANGST.
Lance has a boatload of insecurities, but I don’t think he has depression. (Time to project) What happens is that his ADHD causes him to hyperfocus on his mistakes to the point that he gets trapped in his Hell Brain, stuck in this bad cycle where he constantly berates himself and inflates his personal fears. But he’s normally able to manage because he has a huge support network- his bigass family.
There are definitely little kids in Lance’s family, and being around kids who love you is so nice?? Whenever Lance starts feeling weighed down, he plays with his baby siblings/cousins/neighbors and lets their enthusiasm feed his until everyone is bouncing off the walls and being ushered outside. I’ve probably said this before, but Lance was Born to be an uncle.
Anyway, Lance is used to being surrounded by people he has a deep connection with who truly care about him and love him. So at the Garrison, when he was far away from his family, he struggled a little bit but ultimately supplemented his human contact quota by befriending pretty much everyone. If he knows that people like him, then he can like himself.
Which is why in space he’s kind of… deflating. Because he’s surrounded by people who have rebuffed him before, and it’s hard not to internalize that, ya feel?? Like:
Pidge refused to do anything with Hunk & Lance when they were all at the Garrison, which is fair bc she was in Deep Cover, but Lance obvi didn’t know this so he was honestly kind of hurt?
All his attempts at friendship and bonding were coldly shut down the moment they left his mouth. Lance spent many a sleepless nights wondering what was wrong with him, what aspect of his personality made Pidge hate him on sight.
It… sucks to know that no matter what you do, someone will remain distant, especially if you’re used to making friends. Lance is a fixer, but how can you fix something if you only know part of the problem?
Keith straight up forgot who Lance was. And you know that Lance had really built-up their relationship in his mind. Even if it’s because Lance claims they ‘hated’ each other, it’s clear that Lance considered Keith special in that he was a goal to beat/overcome, and he clearly assumed Keith viewed him the same way. So when they reunited and Keith didn’t recognize him… Ouch.
It hurts to realize that you’ve put way more into a relationship than someone else, but it especially sucks if they never even noticed you in the first place.
Also, lots of resentment issues thanks to the Garrison constantly comparing Lance to Keith. Bastards.
Shiro is Lance’s hero, but Shiro is such… a jackass to Lance gsdhkjgd I’m so mad about how Shiro has been treating Lance as the show progresses.
Shiro kind of… assumes that they’re equals, which normally is fine, but Shiro physically pushes/shoves Lance around, ignores his opinions, and tells him to knock it off whenever Lance acts like himself.
And between close friends, that behavior can be ‘acceptable’, but again: Lance looks up to Shiro. So this treatment.. I can only see Lance negatively internalizing it. How good of a teammate can you be if your hero only ever treats you as a joke?
And Allura… it’s clear she’s really not interested in Lance’s flirting. Which would be fine, but it’s kind of been their entire relationship so far (mainly because of Bad Writing), so when Allura rejects Lance’s bad pick-up line she kind of rejects any connection at all, including friendship.
Like, you can argue that this is Lance’s fault for constantly hitting on her, but Allura’s natural response to Lance is either Carefully Maintained Neutrality or clear exasperation.
That’s not exactly… a warm welcome, so I could see Lance slowly just starting to avoid her. Because it SUCKS to enter someone’s line of view and immediately see their smile drop a fraction. It sucks to know that someone immediately has their guard up the moment you try to talk to them. It sucks to feel like you’ve sabotaged any chances before you even knew you had them. It sucks to realize that you, and your personality, made someone feel this way, and that you are the problem. From there, you learn it’s better to just… stay away, and stay quiet.
TLDR Lance is really only comfortable comfortable around Hunk and Coran. And the Space Mice, provided they don’t rat him out to Allura.
Lance internalizes a lot of stuff lmao. He reacts by overcompensating; when he feels hurt or out of his depth, he amps up his ego, he goes all out with the flirting, he uses bravado to cover up any cracks in his armor.
(If you keep making them laugh, then they’re too busy to laugh at you.)
Lance is his own worst enemy. If someone yells at him and calls him a failure, he can get righteously angry and ignore what they said or crack a joke to ease the tension. He can deflect. It’s when he’s alone, when he has time to think, that he begins to place more pressure on himself.
You know how people can become paralyzed by their perfectionism? They’re so worried about getting the end product perfect that they can’t even start the process. That’s Lance, to some extent.
He prunes his own self/image. If he can’t get something right, he cuts it out of his personality. He doesn’t cling to it. He gets rid of anything he thinks makes him a failure, anything that shows that he’s useless. All those branches, traits, imperfections- they’re snipped away. And what he’s left with, he clings to. This is his absolute. This is his foundation. These are the tenants he builds himself up from. He’s the ladies man. He’s the sharpshooter. He’s the funny one. This is what makes Lance McClain worthwhile.
So when that foundation gets rocked… it’s bad. And normally, he can spring back, because he has his support network. But right now he’s billions of light years away from home, stuck with a team that only seems to like him 70% of the time.
Can you do smut with Justin Foley (13 reasons why) …(x reader) maybe..you didn’t fuck for a week because you have problems and he catches you masturbate and he is not happy about it so he punish you…
WARNINGS: Smut, rough, swearing
Me and Justin haven’t been talking for days. He practically pushed me off of him the other day and I’m pissed. For some reason we have been arguing more than usual. Just two days ago we argued cause Justin forgot to pick me up to go to school cause he decided to drink with his friends. It’s been leaving me frustrated. In many ways. Its Saturday night and Justin keeps calling my phone and leaving message after message.
Babe I’m sorry about the other day
Baby please pick up…
What do you want me to do?
I can bring strawberry ice cream for you
Babbbbbby please answer me
I roll my eyes and put my phone on silent. I’m more angry with him cause with all this arguing we haven’t had sex in over a week and it’s killing me. I have been wanting to slap him and fuck him at the same time and I think he knows it. There is a knock at the door and I say a small ‘come in’.
“Hey sweetheart” my mom peaks in. She’s all dolled and dressed up. I do that signature dog whistle and laugh.
“Hey mom, where are you going looking all nice” I smile.
“Me and your father are going out for dinner surprisingly”. I look behind her and see my dad with his thumbs up. I laugh and shake my head. I follow them downstairs as they put their jackets on.
“Okay have fun you too” I say, walking up to hug and kiss both of them.
“We will, come lock the doors behind us. And you know the rules n-”
“Yes, yes, no partying, no drinking, no smoking, no inviting strangers, no going out after 12 and call you if I invite Justin over.” I say nonchalantly.
“Good girl” she kisses my check while my dad rubs my head.
“See you kiddo, be safe.”
“I will, love you”
They both say quick ‘love yous’ and get into their car. I watch them drive off and quickly close the door and jog up the stairs back to my room. I look at my phone and see more text from a now angry Justin. I huff and turn my phone off. I lay on my bed and start thinking about where we went wrong. Just last week we were making love. Making love. I start thinking about how good it felt for him to be inside me with his hands roaming my body. I start thinking about his lips on my neck. Thinking about this started to make me feel hot down there. I continue thinking about his mouth on me and found myself creeping towards my underwear. I never thought I would do this, being that I had Justin, but obviously I don’t have him right now and I need something. I peel my underwear off and start rubbing around my heat. I keep thinking About Justin and imagine my fingers as his.
“Justin” I moan. My fingers speed up and I arch my back into myself. I grab onto my bare breast under my shirt and pinch onto my nipple feeling nothing but pleasure. I keep moaning, sliding a finger into my now wet core. I’m lost in my own world as I slide in another finger. I want Justin more, but this will have to do. I continue pumping in and out while moaning my boyfriends name. I need him so bad. I’m so wrapped up in my moans that I didn’t notice my door fly open. I jerk up and see none other than Justin. A very angry Justin. He looks mad, but his eyes look like something else. Lust.
“What the hell do you think your doing y/n”
“I-I don’t know” I say, covering my naked body with my sheets. He walks up to the bed and yanks the sheet away from me, scamming my body up and down.
“What the hell were you doing”
“It was nothing, I just wanted to try something dif-”
“You wanted to fucking finger yourself!” he says while still looking at my body. I feel weirdly exposed in front of him, but I kind of like it.
“We haven’t had sex in a while and I have been aggravated” I say quietly, but he doesn’t say anything. He just stared.
It was the way he stood and looked at me. Watching my every move and staring at me with those deep eyes. And I loved it. I loved the attention he was giving me. The long needed attention. It made me feel wanted and special. It was his attitude. The way he stood leaned against my headboard with his arms crossed on his chest and lip in his mouth.
I look away feeling queasy in my stomach. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, but a feeling of excitement. I uncover my hands from my chest and fix my posture, sitting up. I bit my lip and look back at him. His eyes leaves my face and goes straight to my chest, smirking. That was all it took for him to make his way to my bed and sit down next to me.
“You like being a naughty girl don’t you?” he whispers. His voice suddenly got deeper and husky, making my lower body ache. Definitely a turn on, making me want him even more.
“Do you like it?” I ask, biting my lip seductively as I smiled.
“No not really” I almost frown at his response until he speaks again.
“Only I can touch you like that, and I don’t like you doing my job.” I close my eyes, trying to contain myself from jumping onto him right now. I want him badly. So badly right now.
“Then touch me” I whisper into his ear.
“If I do, I might not be able to control myself cause I’m still angry at you for doing this” I bite my lip as I climb onto his lap and bite his ear softly before whispering.
As soon as I said it, Justin attack my lips, wrapping my legs around his torso pressing his body against mine. I moaned against his lips as I kissed him hard while his hand went in my hair and his lips moved hungrily with mine.
“Mhm.” He groaned as he pulled away slightly. Grabbing his waist, I attempt to pull down his sweats. He sits up and pulls them off. I starting bucking my bare core against him, earning grunts. I drew circles with my hips as his hands stayed firmly on my waist. I started to feel him harden under me and I smiled through the kiss.
“Fuck this” he mumbled through the kiss. He quickly threw us over and yanked me to the edge of the bed.
“This is my job and don’t forget it”. With that he spread my legs apart with his hands on either sides of my inner thigh, spreading them as wide as he would while looking my core. He rubbed his hand back and forth and I moaned slightly while wiggling to try to feel him more. He held my body in place.
“Don’t fucking move” I bite my lip and nodded him.
I smiled at the sight of my boyfriend going down on me, his head between my thighs as he pleasured me. He rubbed his fingers again me, going up and down fast. Faster than I was. He made sure to press hard against me. I moaned and moaned even louder when he slide his long finger into me.
“God.” I moan, smiling at the sweet pleasure. I open my eyes to see him watching me as he adds another finger and curl them inside me.
“Yessss Just- my gosh!” I moan.
“What was that” he smirks. He adds a third finger and starts roughly pumping.
“JUST-” I couldn’t even speak cause of all my moans. He pulls his fingers out and kneels down further into my core. I then feel his lips touch my heat, making me grind my hips against his face for more. He starts going slow to tease me then speeds up. I wrap my legs around his neck, arching my body as he flicks his tongue harder against me. He movements started to make me whimper.
“Ha-right there, yes, fuck!” I whimper as he looks up at me while still moving his tongue. I throw my head back, not caring how loud I’m being. My small hands were in his hair, pushing on the back of his head I tensed, my eyes shutting as I moan his name again. I feel myself close, knowing I can’t hold it in.
“J-Justin, I’m ab-”
“Let it go baby.” I do as I’m told and cum while Justin licks everything up, smiling at me after. All of this just made me want Justin more than ever.
“Justin?” I pant.
“Yes angel” he smirks.
He throws of his underwear before grabbing a condom out his jean pocket and doesn’t give me a chance to register anything. Still at the edge of the bed, Justin grabs my hips and slams into me, making me whimper. my knees were dangling off the bed, spread apart as Justin thrust into me. I was eager for him to go harder, faster, rougher. I need all of him.
“P-please Justin harder” I moan. He doesn’t need for me to say it twice. Justin pushes himself deep into me, but doesn’t move. He just stood there, deep inside of me. the pleasure was so amazing.
“Fuck!” I yell, my body shaking and desperate to grab something as I cling myself onto his back.
“Ju-justin” I moan, my breathing heavy. He pushes my hips back down, held them down there before he slammed into me as hard as he could, making my bed move backwards. I let out a loud whimper, my hand grabbing his.
“God! Fuck me, Justin, Harder baby!” I beg, moaning louder than ever. He held my tiny hands so tightly in his, almost crushing my fingers as he went faster, deep groans escaping his throat.
“Holy fuck!” he growled. His voice sounding so deep. He only went harder as I scratched lines into his back. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t. My whole body was shaking beneath him.
“Fuck!” he screamed. I could hear his dick slam into me with each thrust, slamming into me as deep as it could. My back slammed into my bed each time. Tears were starting to come out my eyes as I was screaming his name. I exploded and it surprised me. Justin pulled out and looked exhausted. He slowly climbed onto the bed, pulling me onto him and could barely catch his breath. He only said one thing.
“Baby?” he pants.
“Yes?” I ask in the same state.
“I love you, but please remember to lock the door next time”. With that we laughed and then fell right to sleep in each others arms, finally back to normal.
A/N - Sorry if this isn’t that good. I hope you guys like this one! I appreciate you guys feedback :) love you
Request: Could I request a dean fic where he and the reader have an established relationship and run into an ex of deans on a hunt, like either Lisa or Cassie, and the reader gets really insecure about their relationship afterwards.
1. Can you explain how River is a feminist icon when her ENTIRE character is COMPLETELY caught up in the fact that she's destined to be the Doctor's wife and then just dying for that? From Let's Kill Hitler all the way to Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, her whole arc was about her being the Doctor's wife and then dying to save him. So how does that make her feminist when she's literally stripped of every ounce of agency she has? Because she "kicks ass"? That doesn't make her feminist.
2. I’m not trying to be a dick, just curious why you think that. I’ve always taken her to be another example of Moffat’s horrible track record with women being slavishly devoted to the Doctor (if you respond to this, you can copy & paste this into the above one, there was just a letter limit here :P
River’s character isn’t about being stripped of agency and just conforming to fate. River is a character who begins life forced to be something and who overcomes any confinement, expresses her will against it all. She’s empowering because she is handed a life full of people trying to control her and she throws it all off every time, never living on anything less than her own terms.
Trapped as a kid in a suit as a weapon? Breaks her way out, crosses continents to be with her loved ones on her own terms. Told to kill a man? Winds up choosing not to, asking her parents and trusting their judgement to guide her in that choice. She falls in love with him and that’s something she clings, to not just because she loves him but because it’s something totally hers, her own choice and her own emotions and her own life. Dumped in prison? She breaks out regularly to do whatever she wants, and that’s not just hang with the Doctor, as we’ve seen before in the show. She’s got an archaeology career which she does put to use in her own adventures. She even steals the TARDIS regularly to go off without the Doctor, she’s not just some weeping damsel throwing herself at him. She dies to save him, yeah. He’s planning to do the manpainy heroic sacrifice thing and she refuses to have any of it because it would erase that life she spent so much time building and fought so many battles to make utterly hers. So she takes the place of the Doctor to save the day. And in return, he sticks her in an afterlife, one she refuses to be contained to. She hops around still in dreams and as a ghost, still hanging with the Paternosters, still roaming the universe even as a data ghost, still calling the Doctor out and yeah, still loving him.
There’s nothing unfeminist about loving someone (and it’s certainly not a slavish devotion, nor is it for Clara, Amy, etc, and I think that’s rather uncomfortable to suggest; if any new series character exhibits slavish devotion it’s Rose, and her mum calls her out on that, and Rose is still heroic and her own person). Love’s just a thing many people do. It in no way defines all she is. River is surrounded by many complex machinations and forces trying to hold her in, sure, but the point is that she never once is defined by any of it. She is her own person who owns her own life, her own desires, her own everything. This is the woman who, to quote Moffat, “got married about 428 times. Once for each gender.” Who takes on dictators and oppressors and steals precious artifacts from genocidal villains. Who was a pawn who became a queen. Who always comes out on top.
River is so, so, so much more than just kicking ass, though I love that she does that, too. A bisexual action heroine who asserts her agency every time and is allowed to be so so complex and compelling and wonderful. I adore her, and her continual fight to be herself no matter who tries to hold her back inspires me.
I always have this AU scenario in my head that i want written so badly.
Where Cas plays the piano, except Dean doesn’t know that he can because Cas told him that the Piano in his living room belonged to his mother, and that Gabriel use to play in her absence but eventually stopped after he finished high school. Though never mentioning that Cas himself could play too.
But one day when Dean goes by to visit, he comes in without knocking as he usually would, and he hears a familiar melody coming from the living room, and his heart almost stops because his mum use to play this song for him when he was little.
He follows the sound through the hallway, with shallow breathes of disbelief and finally coming to a stop when he walks into the room, staring at Cas’ back. Cas, who’s playing a song he hasn’t heard since he was seven years old. Cas, who until now, hasn’t mentioned that he can even play the damn piano.
Before Dean even realizes it, he’s standing behind him, watching Cas’ fingers move expertly over the keys so gracefully, as the familiar song is softly playing in the room around him.
Dean’s throat tightens and there’s a horrible prickling at his eyes because he can’t stop seeing his Mother’s face, smiling down at him, playing his song. He never knew the name of it, he didn’t need to know then.
And now it’s Cas playing it, and Dean suddenly feels a surge of affection towards him that almost makes him let out a sob.
He hears the tune slip a little, and he blinks away his mother’s face, wondering what made Cas falter in his expert playing, and notices he had placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder. But not even a second passes before Cas continues as if the slip never happened, and Dean can’t bring himself let go of him now, afraid that if he makes a move, he’ll do something stupid, like pull Cas away from the piano and cling to him, probably cry too. He can’t do that. He needs to hear the full song.
Dean never takes his eyes away from Cas’ hands, even as his vision blurs, but he ignores them, blinking away to make sure to watch how the music is composed from Cas’ fingertips. All until the notes slow further until there’s nothing but Dean’s shaky breath filling the silence, and Dean is still standing there, probably looking utterly wrecked if he goes by how flushed he feels. But he still doesn’t move. He still has his hand on Cas’ shoulder, but Cas doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move either.
“Cas.” He chokes out.
A warm hand covers his, and Dean relaxes at the touch.
“Of Foreign Lands and People.” Cas says to him softly. “That’s the name of the song.”
He doesn’t know what to say, can’t think of anything good enough.
Instead, he tightens his grip Cas’ shoulder and Dean lets out a shaky breath when Cas returns the squeeze to his hand. “Thank you.” He whispers.
Why would Simon send in that CDAN thing about Louis a member having several beards? Why would he in a way admit he's the one behind all this bullshit? Its working against his ridiculous narrative. None of it makes sense.
louis and harry are very likely going to come out as soon as they’re free to. people are going to look back at everything that’s happened over the past 7 years and they’re going to go what the fuck.
simon and sony and syco and modest and everyone else responsible for the forcible closeting know that they’re not going to look good. they need to find a way to shift the blame away from themselves (even though they’re wholly responsible for this entire mess). they also need to give people in the fandom who hate larries something to cling to that isn’t just, ‘yeah you’ve been lied to for 7 years and those fans you bullied were actually right this whole time’
they find a way to spin things and craft a narrative in which louis has been suffering from extreme internalized homophobia and CHOSE to aggressively closet himself over the past 7 years before finally coming to terms with himself. think about it - we’ve got every homophobic thing @louis_ has ever tweeted and 6 years worth of pr stunts to back up the image 1dhq has crafted for louis since 2012: the longterm girlfriend, the other girl friend and the baby/baby mama at the same time, and then the first girlfriend coming back again.
meanwhile, louis himself is bound by an NDA which means he can never openly contradict any of this. we know it’s not true. we know he didn’t choose this. but it’s not hard to see why the people outside of the fandom/in the industry think he is choosing this because they don’t see what we see. they’re not nearly as close to this situation as we are (and lbr there are a number of celebrities who do choose to closet themselves for the sake of their career so objectively it’s not an unreasonable conclusion to come to).
so no, i think the person running CDAN likely ran that blind based on their own observations and industry gossip and came to the conclusion (just like richard lawson did, just like all of the ex larries who went houis did) that louis is choosing this for himself.
if anything i think it’s far more likely that 1dhq planted the blind gossip item that started this all back in october. that blind really set the stage for everything we’re seeing now.
Summary: (Previously posted under @suganeedsanap) When you fell in love with Kim Taehyung, it was as sweet as cake and bitter as beer. He made your heart swell, but others disapproved. Those days are over, but memories still linger. Maybe this bachelorette party will help ease your mind. Besides, You’ll be Ms. Jimin Park. But why aren’t you happy?
Warnings: Alcohol Use
Word count: 4,024
Written by: Smutty Jaefairy
A/N: This is a story I’m moving from my main blog to here. I’m having a hard time finding worth in my work so this is an exercise of me looking at my past work and appreciating my writing. I hope you guys enjoy this story. This is one of my babies.
These are some common reasons why wards, even powerful ones, fail at times. I have noticed these over the years, through my mistakes and others.
…The Ceiling. Did you remember to ward your ceiling? It doesn’t matter how powerful the walls are if an entity can just jump over it.
…The Floor. Also doesn’t matter how strong the walls are if the entity can just dig under it.
A Circle Doesn’t Fit Into A Square: Does the shape of the ward match the room you are in? While a circle is the most stable when standalone, not clinging to anything else, it’s still weaker than something tied to something physical- such as the walls, floors, and ceilings of your space. Thus, even the best spherical ward will still fade out much quicker than something tied to the physical structure of your house. Additionally, having a circle in your (most likely) square-ish shaped room will leave certain corners without protection; you want the intruder to be kept out of your house in the first place, not just certain parts of it.
The Corners, Edges, Etc: Building on the previous point, even when the ward is tied to the physical structure of the house, many people don’t pay attention to the corners or edges where the ward bends- this is often where the ward is usually weakest. You want to double check that the ward is solid on those portions and maybe even visualize something tougher holding it together there, as the bending usually makes it more fragile near those certain points.
“If he had had to give them a name, he supposed he would have called them horses, though there was something reptilian about them, too. They were completely fleshless, their black coats clinging to their skeletons, of which every bone was visible. Their heads were dragonish, and their pupil-less eyes white and staring. Wings sprouted from each wither — vast, black leathery wings that looked as though they ought to belong to giant bats. Standing still and quiet in the gathering gloom, the creatures looked eerie and sinister.”
i'm sure they're refering to the 1st cour only when they say the whole season is on those 2 volumes. japanese people don't see seasons as we do. we see the 25 episodes as one season, but for them they're very separated in 2 cours. marketing is done separately. many animes don't even announce the number of eps or the 2 cour until the end of the 1st to keep the "tension". and the blurays for the 2nd cour are never announced this early. all current news will be focused on promoting the 1st cour.
I confess to knowing very little of this, but I hope you’re right.
"I know my
husband was devoted to me. I know he was proud of me. It took a very long time
for us to work everything out, but we did, and we were about to have a real
"I was in
love with Jack, I will never feel that way again.”
“I never had or wanted a life of my own. Everything centered around Jack. I can’t believe I’ll never see him again. Sometimes, I wake in the morning, eager to tell him something, and he’s not there…Nearly every religion teaches there’s an afterlife, and I cling to that hope…
…Jack was something special, and I know he saw something special in me too…The three years we spent in the White House were really the happiest time for us, the closest, and now it’s all gone…”
“Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts
the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of
those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death.”
“I have been through a lot and have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well. Every moment one lives is different from the other. The good, the bad, hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love, and happiness are all interwoven into one single, indescribable whole that is called life. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either.”
Rest in Peace John Fitzgerald Kennedy: May 29th, 1917 ~ November 22nd, 1963
Like ivy plants that send runners out searching for something to
cling to, the brain’s neurons send out shoots that connect with other
neurons throughout the organ. A new digital reconstruction method shows
three neurons that branch extensively throughout the brain, including
one that wraps around its entire outer layer. The finding may help to
explain how the brain creates consciousness.
Koch, president of the Allen Institute for Brain Science in Seattle,
Washington, explained his group’s new technique at a 15 February meeting
of the Brain Research through Advancing Innovative Neurotechnologies initiative
in Bethesda, Maryland. He showed how the team traced three neurons from
a small, thin sheet of cells called the claustrum — an area that Koch
believes acts as the seat of consciousness in mice and humans.
Crick, F. C. & Koch, C. Phil. Trans. R. Soc. Lond. B Biol. Sci. 360, 1271–1279 (2005).
Torgerson, C. M. et al. Hum. Brain Mapp. 36, 827–838 (2015).
A digital reconstruction of a neuron that encircles the mouse brain.
Allen Institute for Brain Science
Okay so Cinderella went down REALLY well and I’m pretty sure I would be skinned alive if I didn’t do a part 2 so HERE YA GO. THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG SERIES WITH SOME CHEEKY CLIFFHANGERS!!! Feel free to send me feedback/suggestions!
Warnings: Description of cuts (not self inflicted) and violence / Swearing galore
Jagged cuts, twisting like vines up your arms from shards of bottle glass. Red eyes, dried up from fallen tears. You looked like a mess.
Last night had been the most free night of your life since your Mother died. You’d danced with a boy who made your insides flutter and for the first time in forever you finally felt as if you were worth something. Of course, that feeling couldn’t last forever. It had taken the strike of a clock at midnight to remind you of your fate, awaiting you at home. A reminder that you weren’t free, and probably never would be.
The second you had stepped in the front door, you’d felt a rough fist grab you, pulling you by the hair, as you screamed, into the kitchen. Your step-mum, in all her drunken glory, shouting swears and profanities at you. She wouldn’t stop throwing stuff either, carelessly, not really worried if whatever she was throwing hit you or didn’t hit you. You managed to escape, with a palette of bruises, small scars and a deep gash on your leg from where your step-mum had picked up a whole box of empty bottles and smashed them at your feet. Anna and Drew had decided to stay at Cheryl’s house, so you didn’t see them for the rest of the night.
Once the assault had finally ended, you had used the little energy you had left to go upstairs and tend to your wounds in the bathroom. You liked to think of them as battle scars. That’s what your Mother would say…
“(Y/N)! What on earth have you done you silly goose,” Your Mother, in all her radiant beauty, picked a tearful 5 year old you off the gravel pavement of your driveway and sat you down on a bench. She wiped away your tears, seating you on her lap as she brushed down your dress affectionately.
“I fell over,” You pouted, pointing to your knee. A barely visisble red cut had formed and your Mother chuckled under her breath, before leaning down and kissing it gently.
“Oh no darling, how did you manage that?” She played along with your exaggeration, putting on a fake frown.
“I was playing princesses, because I’ve always wanted to be a princess! We were being attacked by trolls, so I was leading my kingdom into battle, but I tripped! I’m an awful princess,” You shook your head, wiping away any stray tears with your clenched fists. Your mother took your hands and uncurled your fingers from their tight ball, one by one. She held them close to her heart before bending down so she was on eye level with you. She smiled at you, her eyes filled with love.
“You are a beautiful princess. A princess doesn’t have to be graceful, she has to be strong, and that’s just what you showed by braving a deadly fight with the trolls! But perhaps, maybe nobody would have to get hurt if you would talk to the trolls. Make a peace. Where there is kindness, there is goodness and where there is goodness, there is magic. Have courage my little princess, and be kind.”
Memories of your mother consumed you for the rest of the night, as you curled up tight, crying softly to yourself as nobody else could listen.
You wanted to be the princess that she always wanted you to be.
But it was so hard to be kind when people spat at your feet and showered you in hate.
You woke up in the morning, feeling tired and weighed down by the events of last night. Your mind drifted towards Jughead. What did he think of you after what you did? He probably thought you were some kind of selfish bitch, although you were used to that opinion. The thought of someone you really liked thinking about you that way bothered you. Was this the name you would make for yourself?
You had to pick yourself up and carry on. The likely situation, would be that Jughead and his friends would never speak to you again, and you would spend the rest of your high school days alone as you did before.
You were such a wallflower that you couldn’t even be bothered to make an effort with your appearance. You threw on a comfy, oversized grey sweater, black leggings and matching converse. You tied your hair up in a messy bun and only touched up with light makeup, especially around the eyes to conceal their puffy and red exterior.
The house was quiet and you didn’t dare make a sound. Your step-mother was probably crashed on the couch. She wouldn’t be as angry as yesterday if you woke her up but it would give her enough reason to scream profanities and you didn’t have the energy to deal with her this early in the morning.
You slung your backpack over your shoulder, preparing to leave for the walk to school, considering your bike had been vandalised. Something caught your eye on the way out your bedroom though, and you turned around to look at the hook on the back of the door. Your mask from last night, still in perfect condition along with a zipped bag that contained your dress. A haunting reminder of Cheryl’s party. You were of course, missing some components of your outfit, including the bejewelled necklace and shoes. The shoes were probably back in Veronica’s closet but you couldn’t imagine the look on her face if you told her that you’d thrown away the necklace. Another hit-list you would be added to.
You shook your head, leaving the outfit untouched as you managed to creep your way downstairs and out the front door, heading for school.
The school hallways were the same as ever. Jocks pressing cheerleaders up against the lockers for impromptu make-out sessions, public arguments, people who were too loud for their own good, people who wanted to get out of the crowded hallway as soon as possible, popular kids, non-popular kids, normal kids. And then you, so bland to an outsider that you couldn’t be placed in a category. Too naive and pretty, the perfect girl next door with good looks and good grades.
You were so much more. If only people knew.
“Chin up princess or your crown will slip”
Your mother would say to you. Don’t let people put you down. Those who put you down only feel bad about themselves, and you should try and reach out to them.
Your thoughts clouded your head, so you didn’t realise when an arm reached out to grab you. You let out a tiny yelp, that was drowned by the noise of the hallway, as the person latched onto your arm, pulling you into the Janitor’s closet. You managed to push them off of you before stepping back to look at your kidnapper. Kidnappers.
Betty and Veronica, arms crossed, staring at you so intensely they could start a fire. They stepped to the side, to reveal that behind them was the boy you’d danced with the night before. You felt your face flush crimson as he stared at you with a similar intensity before stepping forward.
“(Y/N)…” he began but you cut him off quick.
“I’m so sorry, I’ll work days on end to pay for the necklace, and anything else I damaged. I didn’t mean to leave like that it’s just, my step-mo-” It was now Jughead’s turn to interrupt you as he pulled you in to a warm embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing soothing circles where his hands lay. You were stiff with surprise, before melting into his arms and letting out a small sob. It was so relieving to finally have someone to lean on. You couldn’t help but feel weak though.
When the two of you finally broke apart, Veronica and Betty went in for a reassuring hug, before linking arms and leaving the tight closet, so you two could spend the time alone together.
“Bets and Ronnie told me about your home life,” He confessed and you hung your head in shame. “You should have told someone,” His voice was now a whisper, and when you looked up to meet his eyes, they were drowning in concern and that one helpless look that you knew too well.
“I couldn’t. She’d kill me,” You bit your lip, trying to stop the tear dam from overflowing for the 80th time since last night. You couldn’t help but cling to him again, desperately searching for something to hold onto. He let you, soothingly rubbing your back as you buried your head in his shoulder. He froze, and you realised the sleeves of your sweater had rode up during the hug. You tried to play it off but he had already seen the bottle cuts.
“Were these…did you?” Jughead was speechless and you shook your head rapidly.
“No no no. They’re from bottles that she threw at me when I got home late,” You sounded like you were reassuring him but this really wasn’t any better than what he thought you had done in the first place.
“My god (Y/N)” He traced his fingers up them at a slow pace, causing you to feel waves of shivers. “We have to tell someone, anyone.”
You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping you. “Please Jug, don’t you think I’ve tried to reach out once or twice? Nobody will listen to me. I’m not worth people’s time. Especially with Anna and Drew now on Cheryl’s side and no proof of what they do to me. If I tried to reach out, I would be labelled as an attention seeking whore,” You choked out, your voice raw from the sobbing. You were so done with tears. You made to leave but Jughead grasped your wrist, pulling you so hard that you stumbled into him, hands pushing into his chest. You felt embarrassed all over again, and when you looked up at him he was smirking and wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. You jumped back, hiding your face in your baggy sweater so he couldn’t see your overwhelming tomato blush.
“Seriously though, don’t go, not yet,” He whispered. “Stay.”
He sounded so genuine and vulnerable. You sighed, before pulling up a small stool that the Janitor used to reach higher windows on tall walls and sitting down, waiting for what Jughead had to say.
“What if I told you I did have proof?”
“I would say you’re lying to me and this is some kind of sick joke but I guess that gives you an insight in to how low my expectations have fallen at this point.”
He rolled his eyes and you chuckled in response.
“Me and Betty were at the party to interrogate certain people on Jason Blossom’s murder for the Blue and Gold, we carried around a voice recorder. I couldn’t stand how sociable it was, being an antisocial myself, so I gave Betty the recorder and sulked off for the rest of the party until you found me. Long story short, she recorded your sisters recording me and you but they ended up saying shitty things about you and how they were going to expose you so Bob’s your uncle, there’s your proof! This could change everything,” Jughead paced back and forth, pausing every now and then so you could take things in. He looked excited at the end for your reaction, but you looked deadly pale.
“Anna and Drew know I was at the party?” You whispered, eyes widening in fear. This clearly wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for and he bent down so he was eye level for you, resting his warm hands over your shaking ones.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We have weapon on our side here, we could use this to our advantage!” He rubbed your hands together. You hated how he talked about this as if it were some kind of huge game or war.
“And they have huge dirt on me. They could show my step-mum. She’d skin me alive. Find a way to frame me for stealing the outfit, beat me to death no matter what counter evidence you have,” You picture her face, her rage. Your whole body was violently shaking now.
“We could gather more against your step-mum overtime, this will just stop your sisters in the mean time. They’ve built themselves a reputation over the past couple of weeks and they wouldn’t dare spoilt it,” He pulled you off of the stool and into another tight hug. Your head rested on his lap as you tried to calm yourself. Think happy thoughts.
Words that wouldn’t stop repeating and ringing in your ear.
You’d left the closet, Jughead at your side. He’d tried to reassure you and although you felt better than before, you still doubted this whole muddle that you were caught up in. You wished that the ground would open up, devouring you into the darkness below.
You made it through most of the day without an issue. Sadly, just after lunch you ended up running into the people you wanted to avoid the most. You were walking down the hall towards the water fountain, throat parched from the outdoor heat.
“(Y/N) is it?” A voice called your name and you froze. You were never acknowledged in these halls. You turned around and met face to face with the demon queen of high school herself, Cheryl Blossom.
You nodded your head as a response, over analysing all of her movements and gestures in your head. Why was she talking to you? Why did she care? “Honey, you can speak. I don’t bite,” She giggled sickeningly, before linking her arm in yours. The two of you continued to walk down the corridors, not really going anywhere, you just let Cheryl lead you.
“Umm Cheryl, what… what do you want?” You asked, fearing the worst.
“I just wanted to walk and talk. According to your sisters, my newest henchmen, you were killing it at my party last night. They showed me a picture,” Cheryl’s overly sweet voice made you feel sick to your stomach, as you just tried to go along with what she was saying.
“Thank you,” You mumbled and Cheryl flipped back her long, ruby locks.
“Honestly I don’t know why you don’t come to my parties more often when you strut around wearing dresses like this,” She stopped, pulling out her phone and showing you a screenshot. It was a screenshot of the video. Did Anna and Drew send this to her? You were holding Jughead’s hands, your dress exposed to the moonlight, basking in it’s intricate and elegant design with pride. You couldn’t help but think you actually looked beautiful. When you looked back to Cheryl with a soft smile on your face, your mood was shattered by her sudden cold, piercing eyes. “Where did you get it?” Her tone sounded mocking and you instantly ripped your arm away from hers.
Cheryl tilted her head in feign hurt and bewilderment as you backed away from her. She was giving you disturbing vibes and you didn’t want to be alone with her in this hallway anymore. You rushed down the stairs, merging in with the now crowded ground floor hallways now that lunch was over. You thought you were safe, leaning against your locker and taking in deep breaths.
Two arms slammed down at either side of your head, but they were from different people. You were trapped once again, the sense of freedom flying even further away. You suddenly missed not mattering at all, to anyone. You shouldn’t have gone to that stupid party.
Anna and Drew loomed over you and although they weren’t that taller than you, you couldn’t feel any more small. Drew dug her nails into your wrist, so different to how Jughead had handled you. She dragged you into an empty classroom before slamming you up against a whiteboard, Anna hot on her tail.
“Listen fat freak,” Drew hissed and you winced. “Did you really think you could just skip back into school like nothing happened? Did you not get wasted as you grinded on that boy last night?” She spat the words, spewing lava that burned you.
The way she twisted the romance, the happiness that you had felt made everything so much worse. As if they were taking away your safe haven.
“I didn-” You began but your step-sisters simultaneously slammed their hands down at your sides again and you jolted, stopping dead in your tracks.
“We have video evidence of everything that happened. Imagine if we were to leak this to a certain someone. We could twist the story, innocent girl gone rogue,” Drew continued to jeer. Anna didn’t say much, she just nodded every now and then.
“My-my friends.. they have audio evidence of you. It could ruin you,” You mustered up your confidence, chin help up in defiance.
Keep your head up Princess.
“Your friends? Pfft! Anyone can be bribed princess,” Drew mocked. “They’re not your friends. Besides, what will it do? What we said about you, Mummy would agree with and you know it. Us being a bit bitchy won’t stop her from beating you to a bloody pulp.”
You closed your eyes, trying to block out the images that were forming in your mind. The bottles. The boxes of empty bottles.
“What do you want from me?” Your voice cracked, head down, tears spilling.
“A lot, but you’ll learn soon enough. You have a debt to pay if you want to keep this under lock and key (Y/N)” She toyed with her phone, the video tauntingly paused on the screen.
“D, that’s enough, she gets the point,” Anna sighed, grabbing her sisters hand and pulling her off of you and out of the room. Drew wouldn’t stop glaring at you.
“The game has begun bitch,” Was the last thing you heard, and you slumped down, head in your hands.
Here lies Celia (Y/L/N)
Loving wife of Thomas (Y/L/N)
And Mother of (Y/N) (Y/L/N)
A Queen in other’s eyes, she will be missed.
You read the epitaph over and over again every time you visited her grave. Beside it, you lay down another bouquet of white lilies. You just stood there, staring. You would look like a creep to a bystander but you didn’t care. You found comfort in talking to your Mother. She would always listen.
“I can’t do it Mum,” You shook your head, kicking the ground with frustration, accidentally shovelling earth with the heels of your feet. “My whole life I’ve dedicated to kindness, to tolerance and to resilience and to patience and all the values you taught me. You taught me to keep my head up strong and to believe in myself. You taught me that kindness is the route of all good magic. How am I supposed to believe in myself when nobody else does?”
You would always let everything go here, this was your time away from home, from school, from the drama to scream out loud and just let it all go.
“I want to Mother, I want to be the princess that you want me to be. But how can I be graceful if I just keep falling down. How can I be pretty when I’m decorated in scars. These aren’t battle scars, these are just reminders that I’M WEAK, THAT’S ALL I AM. I’M WEAK AND I’M ALONE AND…. and… I’m afraid,” You felt yourself crumple into a pile on the floor sobbing into the mud. You didn’t care how crazy or dirty you looked. The only time people noticed you is when you were flawed. You did good things for others all the time but people only cared about when you fucked up.
You felt so fake. Like a Barbie doll. Other people were pulling the puppet strings and you felt so weak and vulnerable. So fake.
A WEEK LATER
“I can’t believe you’ve never had a burger before,” Jughead’s mouth was full of food as he talked and you almost choked with laughter. He had invited you to study at Pop’s after school. When he found out you had never tried a burger before in your life, her forgot about studying and made it his mission to get you to try one of Pop’s very own. ‘Why not start with the best’ he’d said and you had to admit, it was pretty damn delicious.
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just the queen of microwave dinners,” You laughed and he smirked, shaking his head. It had been a week since the incident with Drew and Anna. You had confided in Betty and Veronica about what happened. You told Jughead about Cheryl, but not about your stepsisters because you really didn’t want to worry him. Especially now that you were spending time together like this, times where you felt happy. You couldn’t dream of ruining that.
Besides, it didn’t prove to be that much of an issue. It had been a week and their threats had not fallen through, which gave you some hope that this would all be over before you knew it. Juggie and Betty had accepted you into the Blue & Gold, so you had an excuse to spend a lot of time at Betty’s house. You could also focus your mind on something else and it was really helping your fragile mental state.
You’d gained confidence through hanging out with the SBC and you were beginning to finally see the positive outcome of that fateful night at the party.
But when something is going right for you, it’s just not allowed to last for long is it?
You were currently having a “Pop’s Fries Scoffing Competition” with Jughead and were winning by a mile when Jughead’s phone began to buzz, violently. As in, it wouldn’t stop buzzing. It wasn’t a phone call though, just someone who seemed very eager to text him. He ended up getting so distracted that he had to stop ‘scoffing’ and check his notifications, a look of clear annoyance plastered on his face.
You were busy gloating about your glory, doing a victory dance. Jughead’s eyes were wide, with fear and shock as he dropped his phone on the table, the loud bang stirring you from your imaginary victory parade.
“What’s wrong sourpuss? Sad you lost?” You smirked, reaching over to steal his food, the prize of the bet. Another reason the two of you got on so well was your shared love of food, specifically trashy junk food which did not in any way treat your body like a temple.
“The voice recording,” He slowly rose from his side of the booth. You tensed, putting a fry which was on it’s way to your mouth back down again.
“What about it?” You were afraid to ask, because judging by his expression, it wasn’t positive news.
Here lies Celia (Y/L/N)
Loving wife of Thomas (Y/L/N)
And Mother of -
The only remaining evidence left of the now destroyed gravestone.
IT’S ABOUT TO GET FULL PLL UP IN HERE FOLKS? WHO DELETED THE RECORDING? WHO SMASHED THE GRAVE UP? OH SNAP FOLKS IT’S ALL GOING DOWN NOW eheuheuheu! Anyways here’s part 2 :3 Let me know if you want part3!
DISCLAIMER: I spell Mum as Mum because I’m British and it’s just a habit, although i did use the word ‘candy’ in a fic once rather than ‘sweets’. I apologise for my inconsistency :3
More than simply motivation for spiritual practice, tuning into suffering is spiritual practice! Many people start meditating and then get frustrated with how much suffering and pain they experience, never knowing that they are actually starting to understand something. They cling to the ideal that insight practices will produce peace and bliss and yet much of what they find is suffering. They don’t realize that things on the cushion tend to get worse before they get better. Thus, they reject the very truths they must deeply understand to obtain the peace they were looking for and thus get nowhere. They reject their own valid insights that they have obtained through valid practice. I suspect that this is one of the greatest and most common stumbling blocks on the spiritual path.