something quiet

  • Hufflepuff: Hey, how are you today?
  • Ravenclaw: Eh
  • Hufflepuff: The weather has been nice and sunny at least!
  • Ravenclaw: meh
  • Hufflepuff: Well I hope you enjoy your day!
  • Ravenclaw: kay
Places where reality is a bit altered:

• any target
• churches in texas
• abandoned 7/11’s
• your bedroom at 5 am
• hospitals at midnight
• warehouses that smell like dust
• lighthouses with lights that don’t work anymore
• empty parking lots
• ponds and lakes in suburban neighborhoods
• rooftops in the early morning
• inside a dark cabinet

• playgrounds at night
• rest stops on highways
• deep in the mountains

• early in the morning wherever it’s just snowed
• trails by the highway just out of earshot of traffic
• schools during breaks
• those little beaches right next to ferry docks
• bowling alleys

• unfamiliar McDonalds’s on long road trips
• your friends living room once everybody but you is asleep
• laundromats at midnight

• galeries in art museums that are empty except for you
• the lighting section of home depot
• stairwells
• hospital waiting rooms
• airports from midnight to 7am
• bathrooms in small concert venues

• cemeteries
• abandoned penitentiaries
• hilltops at night in full moonlight
• most of Japan
• empty barns
• marshes
• really anywhere quiet at midnight, the air vibrates
• old stones and henge
• the ocean when it’s still quiet with fog over it
• train tracks that go through the middle of the woods
• bridges
• ancient places
• stands of old growth forest
• the Eastern Sierras/high desert

• rabbit paths off hiking tails
• trails between the main ski hills
• winter twilight
• back allies between houses
• logging roads
• dirt roads on fall evenings with leaves falling off the trees
• libraries before closing
• anyplace where it’s snowing before sunrise
• the woods during a rainstorm

• roads covered with snow with trees on the sideways while snowflakes are falling out of the sky
• train stations after 10 PM
• outside, right before a massive storm
• the woods just after twilight
• the beach in winter
• the bottom of swimming pools
• empty beaches when its snowing

• back part of a library
• late night empty streets
• highways late at night
• windy roads
• windy roads at night when you can only see the immediate road
• abandoned parking lots (office buildings, homes)
• anywhere immediately after a really bad fight
• little towns late at night when no ones awake and the only lights on are the street posts

• empty buses before sunrise/after sunset
• being the only one outside in the early morning when its almost dark and you feel alone on earth
• mountains with a big forest close to it
• being alone in a spot in ikea
• the lakeside anytime between 2 and 6 am
• firework shows when you’re sitting on the grass
• staring up at very tall buildings
• the tram at a big airport
• abandoned house by a lake

• being the only one downstairs on christmas  
• stepping outside in the early morning when it has just snowed
• when its dark and you see snowflakes falling down in the light of a lamppost on the lonely road
• that one clear spot in the forest with trees surrounding it
• a parked car in a snow/thunderstorm
• corn fields with the wind blowing over them
• malls when they’re about to close for the night
• woods at twilight/dawn
• being on a train after midnight
• theme parks at night

• winding back roads with rolling fog
• seeing “open” signs when its really foggy and cloudy
• being in a train that was crowded when you got in and now its quiet, looking at the seats knowing that there were people sitting there moments ago and now they’re gone
• hiking trails that have nobody on them
• being alone in an elevator for a few minutes
• looking down at the forest when you’re standing somewhere high and seeing the top of the trees with fog lingering over them
• the ferry about to take off in the middle of the night
• tree houses
• empty seats on the late night train
• 4-6 am on a winter morning

• the clouds/damp coming out of your mouth when its really cold in the morning
• stepping out on an unfamiliar metro/train stop
• greenhouses that have been left to grow alone
• cemeteries in the middle of fields
• biking/walking on the main road when its dark without cars
• swamps with fog
• hotel corridors in the middle of the night
• anywhere where you can hear a train whistle in the distance but you can’t see it or know just how far away it is
• foggy mornings in a meadow
• that flickering streetlight
• working offices at midnight

• abandoned amusement parks
• mirrors in an airplane bathroom
• being alone in a church
• empty hotel lobbies
• hearing trains off in the distance especially at night
• snow falling down in general
• being in a place thats supposed to have a lot of people but it doesn’t
• long, dark hallways
• the middle of a park when its snowing
• playgrounds at night
• work/school when you’re snowed in
• caves
• a field of power lines
• being in a forest where there are train tracks not knowing if the train may even ever approach
• bonfires

• being in a different room than everyone else at a party
• the woods on a night with a full moon
• empty stables
• empty metro stations that are usually crowded
• gas stations on long mountain roads
• the old part of a city when you’re the only one in the street
• stadiums when a game or concert is over
• entering a building with a really high ceiling
• moonlight, anywhere

• empty tennis or baseball courts with limited lightning
• times when you are transitioning from one phase to another
• lodges in the snow
• frozen water in the winter
• a little lake in the middle of the forest
• campus during summer
• family gatherings
• construction site after works have gone home
• leaving a tent at midnight
• lonely swings
• overgrown fields
• from twilight to dusk
• farmland thats covered in the morning fog
• suburban neighborhoods filled with tension and wind before a large summer thunderstorm
• being at an abandoned place knowing that years ago at that exact same moment there were people
• the feeling of being chased by someone/something
• knowing you’re not alone in a certain place like a forest

this feeling is scary as FUCK it dawns upon you that something is so quiet or abandoned or empty and vacant that its like the universe forgot to make something happen in the one spotlike you found a glitch in real life like everything seems fake and unreal and real and not fake all at one and youre so confused

lance asks keith what his favorite animal is and keith just Lights Up and starts going on and on about hippos like did you know they can hold their breath up to seven minutes lance?? did you know they’re one of the most dangerous animals in africa?? they can live up to 40 years lance did you know that?? and lance just listens to him talk and talk and is reminded of how In Love he is with this boy, this boy that loves hippos,

Bit by bit, I’ve gotten Link to open up to me…I wish to talk with him more and to see what lies beneath those calm waters, to hear him speak freely and openly.”

Stargazing

Finished this WIP (here are the headcannons) overnight (its 3 in the morning haha). Have both final version because i couldnt choose ? Not sure if i like it, maybe i’ll do a gif version where the earthball floats and they breath

  •  I think Hunk created the floating earth lantern ball ; coran gave him the raw materials from some castle lanterns
    • Pidge typed the programm that makes its spin around in 24 seconds
  • Lance just stare at the ball for hours when he misses home
  • they uploaded pictures in it (like in some memory stick but, round) and it takes photos so you can zoom up into earth places they know
  • pidge is pulling all nighter to make it change its appearance to look like the planet they’re on
  • and Hunk tries to build a mini-lab inside
    • *pokedex voice* You’re on Exerus, the fifth moon of Kartasar..
    • Pidge : IT’S ALIVE
  • (I’ll do a close up of the pic one day )
    • They took it in a space mall while shopping (see : fashion voltron for the full experience ahah yes i link my own drawings in headcanons wth im gonna die what is sleep)
  • Also the poster is found in an old abandonned boutique of space roadtrips ; earth used to be popular inside aliens societies 
    • It’s all burnt and torn but Keith found it and immediatly thought about giving it to Lance so he keeps it preciously
    • also the earth is on fire on it
    • it’s probably 3millions years old but okay
  • In the morning Keith wakes up sore and lance is freezing because he gave his shirt to the boy #gotta keep your galra baby hot
    • He never questions the snuggle needs
    • Sometimes Keith come just to be pat like a kitty
    • he totally purrs

(can be seen as klance or not) (also the mobile version shows only one pic ? idk it’s okay)

Thoughts on Quiet BPD

When asked about BPD, most people who know about this disorder immediately think of the “classic” symptoms: impulsive behaviors and episodes of rage. The same holds true for even mental health professionals.

But rage and impulsivity are only two out of the nine criteria in determining whether someone has BPD. Some people with BPD—myself included—meet the criteria for a diagnosis but do not use these “acting out behaviors.”

So what does it mean to have quiet BPD?

You probably still suffer from extreme mood swings and emotional reactivity, self-harm and suicidal ideation, chronic feelings of emptiness, paranoid ideation, dissociation, a lack of identity, and the intense fear of abandonment we love so very much (disclaimer: we hate it.).

And it may well be that your relationships are stormy as well—even if the other person has no freaking idea how distressing said friendship is to you.


How is that possible? Well, we feel the same things other people with BPD feel: we idealize you and become deeply emotionally attached to you, then suddenly we become emotionally cold and distant toward you over just a minor disappointment, we’re kept awake at night by paranoia that you secretly hate us because you didn’t text us back immediately, we spiral into crushing depression over the littlest things you say and do.

But the difference lies in how we express it.

With “classic” BPD you may tell the other person what you’re feeling. You may accuse the person of lying to you, avoiding you, abandoning you, etc. You may display anger toward the other person or get into arguments. The other person becomes aware of what you’re thinking and feeling. Not so with quiet BPD.

I almost never tell my friends what’s going through my mind unless they ask. I’m too terrified of being a burden to them. I internalize this tempest of dysphoria, letting it fester for weeks and months. I will drop off your radar, distancing myself from you without you even noticing. Unless you reach out to me, you’ll never hear from me again. I’ll isolate myself, forever convinced you hate me and that you’re better off not dealing with my burdensome self… even if there’s no evidence to suggest this. Even if we’ve literally been best friends for years.

You may not notice this shift at all, simply because I don’t express it. The friendship may not be distressing for you, but it’s sure as hell distressing for me. I’ve cycled through so many friendships in this way, in near constant agony as a result—and the vast majority of my friends had no idea.

I’m obsessed over this idea that I’m a burden. That my very existence is an annoyance to everyone, and so I very frequently deny myself the very emotion so often associated with BPD: anger.

I loathe myself so much I feel I don’t have the right to be angry for myself.

Sure, I can feel anger all right. If you slight a friend or family member of mine, I cannot begin to describe the rage that wells up inside me.

But if you insult me? I’ll sink to depression and probably agree with you (this has happened multiple times).

People with different types of BPD respond differently to the same triggers. For some, if they feel you’re going to abandon them or that you don’t care about them, they respond with anger. Others act impulsively in hopes of relieving some of their pain. But I respond by turning inward. I justify these “signs” that everyone in my life hates me—the same signs recognized by people with “classic” BPD—by deciding that if I’m going to be abandoned, well, it’s because I deserve to be. If you do hate me, it’s because I am, in fact, absolute scum. My BPD takes these signs and twists them into reinforcement of my extreme self-loathing. If anything, I’ll be angry with myself.

This translates into “acting in” behaviors that aren’t as obvious as impulsive behaviors. I self-harm and don’t tell a soul about it, I lock myself in my room and cry for hours, I become so emotionally numb I just stare at the wall all day, I’ll sleep for an entire weekend to escape my pain, I’ll even deny myself food because what’s the point of extending my lifespan, especially if I don’t deserve it?

Any kind of BPD sucks, quiet or otherwise. But raising awareness about quiet BPD is crucial: professionals may not realize we have BPD because we don’t fit the “classic” model, and thus we end up spending years misdiagnosed or in treatment that doesn’t address what’s actually going on with us. We could be spared YEARS of additional suffering by getting the correct treatment as soon as possible. So let’s raise awareness, shall we?

2

40 / 365 days of my sunshine

there is a deep suffering in your bones,
a clawing ache in your chest.
it’s a kind of un-becoming—
like heartstrings unthreading themselves,
like a faded whisper that never makes it
past your trembling lips.

and you can’t help but feel that
there is something strangely familiar
in the art of disappearing.
—  you’re a natural | m.a.w
2

You know, sometimes I feel like our marriage, is like a magic eye poster.  And, at first glance it doesn’t seem to make any sense. And, it’s hard to figure out. But, sometimes, if you squint at it just right, everything lines up and it’s the most perfect, beautiful, amazing thing. But, I’m so tired of squinting…

Because I still haven’t got over how shitty Amanda’s “friends” were treating her so:

Emma R’s the one that’s been coercing everyone else to avoid and exclude Amanda because she knew that Noah actually used to have a crush on Amanda, and Emma R felt threatened, so she’d told Noah that Amanda thought he was a creep and instead convinced him to go out with her instead.

So after Amanda has that big argument with Emma R-

(”Well if you think I’m so terrible then just stop being my friend!”

“okay!”)

-she just completely stops talking to them, and Emma R. starts feeling kinda guilty, because this is her best friend after all, and they’ve known each other since they were 7, and she kinda misses her.

So one day, she’s sitting at their usual lunch table with the rest of their friends, and she’s waiting for Amanda to come in so she can apologize.

But then.

The cafeteria door opens, and in walks the school badboy, Lucien Bloodmarch, and the rest of his clique.

And he’s got an arm around Amanda’s shoulder, and she’s laughing at something he must’ve said, and she’s joking around with the others in the group, and they’re all looking at her as if she were the sun, and she fits in so well with them, like a missing piece of their puzzle.

And Emma R feels an unexpected spike of jealousy. Because that’s her best friend.

She’s so caught up in her own thoughts that she almost doesn’t hear Noah’s snide comment to Amanda as she and Lucien walk by with the rest of her group.

“Never would’ve thought badboys were your type, Amanda.”

And the group of 5 just stops short.

Amanda is confused and has no idea what Noah is talking about.

Lucien understands, but doesn’t bother to correct the guy despite how horrendously wrong he is.

(Ever since their fathers had started dating, he and Amanda had started spending more time together, and they ended up bonding over their shared rebellious streaks, problems with authority, and utter adoration of their dads.

She’s like the cool older sister he’d never wanted. He couldn’t see her in a romantic light if he wanted to.

And not to mention he’s gay.)

Lucien just smirks down at Noah.

“What, like it’s any of your business who she dates?”

Noah bristles at that, and looks like he’s about to start a fight right then and there.

But Emma R stops the fight before it can happen by getting up and asking Amanda if they can talk.

Amanda looks skeptical for a moment, before telling he others to go ahead.

Lucien, who’s having so much fun riling up Noah, smirks and says, “Sure thing, Panda,” before ruffling her hair and walking off with the others.

“Hey! You know dad’s the only one who can call me that!” she yells good-naturedly.

“You keep telling yourself that, Panda,” Ernest chimes in with a snicker as they walk away.

Amanda rolls her eyes and turns back to Emma R, her smile immediately slipping off her face to be replaced with an aloof expression.

“Well?” she asks, arms crossed, eyebrow raised.

Emma R is a little stunned, a little out of her depth. She’s not used to Amanda having inside jokes without her.

Emma R swallows her pride, apologizes to Amanda, asks if they can be friends again.

Amanda thinks it over for a long moment. She’s so tempted to say yes, to leave it all in the past and have her best friend back again.

But her father’s words echo in her mind, and she steels her heart.

“No,” she says.

Emma R looks taken aback.

“I don’t want to surround myself with people who would alienate me for absolutely no reason at all, people who would avoid me and talk behind my back. Real friends don’t do that. I deserve better.”

And with that, she turns around and stomps off after the rest of her new friends.

Emma R watches in astonishment.

Ernest gives Amanda a quick, one-armed hug as she rejoins the group.

Lucien says something too quiet for them to hear from so far away, before slinging an arm around Amanda’s neck and turning to smirk smugly at Emma R.

GUYS I GOT IT

So I was talking to my friend @puddle-sploosh about the Anti vid today, and we couldn’t figure out what the significance of today was. Why post it today? What’s so special about August third?

But check this out

8/3/17
H/C/Q
HCQ

Doesn’t spell anything, right?

@puddle-sploosh thought it might be something like, “He’s Coming, Quiet” and I thought that she might be right.

Then I googled HCQ

The results?

Hydroxychloroquine

It’s a drug

An Immunosuppressive and anti-parasite drug

ANTI-PARASITE

GUYS

HELP

@therealjacksepticeye DID YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE

Unimportant but

I really wish Camp Camp would make an episode that starts off with Harrison and Nerris arguing, but escalates into Harrison losing his temper and making her vanish.

Then all of the episode would be him trying to get her back before anyone realises she’s missing.


He probably tries a bunch of different stuff to make sure no one notices, like he pays Max to make a knit version of her to prop up to people, ‘yes im nerris 100% im a bitch and i love d&d’. No one believes it, but everyone just sort of rolls along



But although it’s pretty funny there’s also an 'oh shit’ element cause Harrison just made someone vanISH? AGAIN?? and yes he hates nerris but co m e o n,,, wasn’t he getting BETTER at this stuff…?


And just when he’s about to give up and tell David, he finds out Nerris was actually fine the whole time and trolling him

And he’s so relieved that he goes to hug her but whoops, guess his magic’s a little wonky cause he ACTUALLY MAKES HER DISAPPEAR THIS TIME


And that’s it.

That’s the episode.