something is telling me that i wont do this

Oh. My. Gosh.

The show was absolutely amazing! Jack, thank you. So so much. I wont spoil too much, but Jack. Thank you for telling me to give it my all, and to get out there and do something awesome! I hope you had a good time here in Minneapolis. :)
@therealjacksepticeye

P.S. I was the one who screamed “I know you can’t hear me but I love you!!” When you walked offstage. I also yelled “Im just a loser who plays Crash!!”
House Rules

So for those of you that are spirit keepers/companions, or are spirit workers of any frequency, you may know a bit about house rules. Now keep in mind, you don’t need to have house rules. Some don’t find that they need them, some prefer not to have them. I choose to have a set of house rules because I find that for me, it helps bring a little peace and harmony to my house, and that if anything did go wrong, I have something to refer to. Anyone in my house, be it astral being, spirit or entity, from white arts to dark arts to black arts, is expected to follow these rules while they are part of my household/in my house.

These are my house rules. Feel free to use them if you like, modify them, add/subtract as you see fit. I have had a lot of success with these so far, and no incidents. Depending on who is in your family/keep/court, you may need to add rules, or subtract them. But these are what work for me & my family. What is in bold is my actual rule, and then I will expand upon the rule if I see fit.

1. Never harm or show disrespect to myself, my significant other, any other member of my family, friends or welcome household guests. This is obvious… I don’t want any of my spirit family hurting each other, nor do I want them hurting any human or animal that is welcome in my house.

2. Never harm any children or pets.

3. Never show yourself to anyone besides myself in your true form, unless your true form is something that would not scare them. (Example: If it is a child, appear as something child friendly.) I have a few not so pleasant looking family members, or some beings that in their true form are pretty terrifying. I wouldn’t want them showing themselves to a child or an adult.

4. Sexual contact is only welcome with me and will not be permitted with anyone else. Basically just don’t go touching my boyfriend or anyone else, they don’t appreciate it. 

5. No physical manifestations at work in front of anyone but myself. Patients and coworkers are not to know about you. Some of you may not need this, but I work with the public and don’t need a spirit manifestation scaring patients away.

6. Protect yourself at all times. If something comes up and I can do something about it, I will help. 

7. Do not hamper with communication. This covers and includes communication between yourselves, or with me. If I am working specifically with one or with one group, I don’t need anyone else butting in and hampering that communication. Wait until I am done.

8. Do your part for the highest good of the household, including all spirits, entities, astral beings & other. All living people, spirits, entities, astral beings & other shall work at living together peacefully. Bullying wont be tolerated, if you have an issue, contact me.

9. We work as a team, with me being the team leader. If you have suggestions, tell me. If you are unsure to my wishes, ask me or look within. If they have doubts about something, my family is always welcome to “look within” for my wishes, if I am for some reason unavailable to ask. 

10. No twisting my words.

11. No lying. Do not pretend to be something/someone you are not. Do not make anything up to make someone else look bad.

12. Disarm malicious magic that is sent my way by someone else or that is around by circumstance.

13. Keep watch over property & always be ready to act against any pending issue.

14. Help identify any possible conflicts. Help judge the character of people, spirits, entities, astral beings & other around us. This has actually been a useful rule in several situations. Its really two rules condensed into one, as well, but its how I have it written in my notebook.

 Thats it! They are fairly long, but also fairly basic, and cover the essentials. Most rules are pretty obvious, but I would rather state the obvious then regret not stating the obvious later on. Again, this is just what I use for my house rules (its nice to have a digital copy on here as well) - you can use them if you like, add/remove rules as needed. & if you don’t do spirit work, or have spirits in your regular household, you don’t even need to have this.

Enjoy!

You being comfortable on my blog is important

If you want me to tag/trigger warn something: Tell me and send the link and I’ll do it

If you want me to answer something privately: Either message me directly or send me an ask with an ^ at the start. (I can’t not answer something privately on anon, so I will ignore it so it stays private)

If you want me to stop following you: Tell me

If you want me to block you: Tell me

If you want me to stop contacting you: Tell me straight away

If you want me to untag you in a post: Tell me, and send the link

If I send in an ask that makes you uncomfortable: Either delete it, ignore that part of the ask or use direct message to ask me to resend it without the part that makes you uncomfortable.

If you want me to delete a post: Tell me, I may do it if I find it offensive or problematic. This is the only case were I may not do as you ask. I’m sorry for that.

If I misgender you: Tell me

If I use the wrong pronouns: Tell me

If I reply to an ask that I clearly didn’t answer the question: I didn’t answer it for a reason, the reasons for not answering an ask properly or answering it at all will vary. 

If I say something that offends you or hurts you in any way: I am deeply sorry that my words have hurt you. 

If I say something racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc or discriminate: Please tell me, and whats wrong with what I said so I can learn and grow from my mistake.

If I tag you in a tag game: It is totally up to you if you want to do it or not

If you want to unfollow me: Just do it, I won’t get offended

If you want to block me: Just do it, I wont get offended.

I use bro, dude, man, girl, gurl, bruh, woman, lady, mate and more all gender neutrally: but if I call you any of these and it makes you uncomfortable, please tell me and I will change it.

Trigger Warnings: If you have a trigger, please tell me (send an ask or message me privately) and I will try my hardest to tag any posts.
I’ll use food as an example to show you how I tag my posts. #food tw, #tw food, #tw. I already tag people with #body image tw and a few others that don’t come up very often, like abuse, death, knife, guns and food.

If I reblog something that wasn’t meant for me: Please let me know. Also by this I mean if I reblog a post about bpd, it wasn’t created for me to reblog as I don’t have bpd.

If you think that there should be something one this list: Please tell me as I want you to be comfortable and different people have different experiences meaning that they each have different things that make them uncomfortable.

A little side note: I edit this post a lot, I re-word stuff and add more to the list as well as other things. So please, every once and a while have a look to see if I’ve adding things. Also if the link in my description isn’t working, direct message me straight away please.

You being comfortable is very very important to me, do not be scared to tell me or do something that will make you feel better.

letters to the signs as i know them right now

aries: hey, i miss you. snap me sometime? I miss your smile. i miss laughing with you and eating ramen. i miss those summer nights where we turned night into day. you were my best friend and I’m not entirely sure what happened. but i sure miss you a lot. 

taurus: you were my go to. the one i could trust and knew would be there for me. im really sad you broke that. i miss you, or i miss who i thought you were. because what you did isn’t what you would do. so maybe you’re very different than what i thought. hopefully sometime you would be willing to talk it out. i know you’re stubborn as shit and wont apologize. so ill do it instead. i love you. im sorry.

gemini: oh you. well i still love you, you know. hopefully you do. i repeated it to you the last few times we spoke. i miss laying in my backyard and looking at the stars with you. i miss getting popsicles and walking downtown with you. i miss your hands. but i heard someone else is holding them now. i miss your hair. i also that heard you cut it all off. i hope one day ill get to see you again. maybe you’ll come back here to visit. or ill stop by colorado. and we can smoke a bowl or something. you’re always in my heart. sometimes, you even sneak your way into my daydream.

cancer: you’re the only one who doesn’t hate me, i think. even though you have good reason to. when you saw me standing alone today, you were the only one to come say hi. i appreciated that more than anything. thank you. thank you, for being kind. thank you for taking care of my friend.

leo: hey, im constantly torn between talking to you or not. I’ve learned my lesson not to play with fire with you. but the sun soaks up water and maybe thats why im constantly drawn to you. you were my only friend for most of high school and i appreciate that. maybe its best if we keep a distance. and just remember the good times. 

virgo: hi. i miss you the most, probably. its your third year away from home and i miss your face like hell. i wish you didn’t have to leave at such an early age. i wish we got to spend our last teenage years together. thanks for making me always feel okay with myself. even if no one else is okay with me. and making me feel normal. i love u to the moon and back. and then again, a couple more times.

libra: im sorry. im really sorry. there isn’t any use apologizing or explaining myself because i was in the wrong. but sometimes, i wish i could tell you i wasn’t the only one. and your friend who tells you things about me that aren’t all true, also did things to you. but i wont tell you that. i dont want to be like her. but i dont think you would believe me even if i did. i do care about you. you’re one of my only friends. i hope i can repaire that. 

scorpio: i dont get to talk to you much. but the day i was sat with your friends and they all left, you stayed. i really appreciate that. more than you know. it warmed my heart. and that was the first time i felt something like that. 

sagittarius: hi u. you’re like my brother. i feel like i can talk to you. and you wont judge me. i like hanging out with you. you’re about the only guy who will talk to me and listens to me, not what everyone else says about me. you’re real. when you let me see that part of you its wonderful. i wish it would come out more.

capricorn: i dont know what you think of me right now. i really care about you. i hope being the friend that i have you can see that. your smile is breathtaking. i know he’s taking care of you. thats all i ever hope for. i love you. 

aquarius: im sorry i put so much pressure on you. thank you for being there while i figure out my situation. im sorry if i seem clingy. i would hug u all the time if i could. but i know ur aquarian independence is important. i admire that a lot, actually. i love you so much. thank you for always trusting me. xx

pisces: hi. i wrote you another letter. i wont give that one to you though. it hurt me when you told everyone about the one i wrote you. i poured my heart into 6 pages. it took me an hour to put together. everything put together in a system that would translate as genuine. i hope when you’re older, you’ll learn something like that stays in your heart, and not your mouth. i looked over at you today. you were already looking at me. i don’t know what to think about that. i hope we can be friends again, at some point. 

Respect Her

Imagine! Meant to post last night, but got tired and fell asleep before editing.

You are staring at yourself in the mirror, trying to see what Shawn sees in you. You honestly have no idea what he sees. 

He always says you’re beautiful, stunning, that you take his breath away. But you just can’t see it.

All you can see is your double chin, your puffy cheeks, wide hips, flat ass, thick thighs, flabby belly. 

The longer you stare, the worse you look. 

God this is what Shawn sees. 

“Hey Babe.” He says walking to your room. “Ready for our run?” He asks. 

You look over at him with a weak smile. 

“Babe are you okay?” He asks walking over to you, resting the back of his hand to your forehead. 

“What? I’m fine.” You push his hand away.

“You’re all sweaty, and flushed. are you feeling okay?”

“Yes Shawn I’m fine.” You giggle.

Lately you and Shawn have been going on a daily runs, but he doesn’t know that you go on two daily runs. You go for about two miles and then meet up with him, running another two with him, and sometimes you run another one. 

Just to burn those calories. 

“But.” He starts.

“I’m fine.” You say walking past him, grabbing your water bottle. 

He lets it go, but keeps a close watch on you. 

*

He catches you again, later that day, staring at yourself in the mirror. 

“Can’t stop looking at it either?” He says with a smirk. Your eyes go wide and you push his hands away as he tries to hug you from behind. He doesn’t quite catch your attitude until he goes to grab you again and this time you completely move away from him.

“Hey.” He says following you. 

“What Shawn?” You snap. He takes a step back, barely, and stares at you. 

“Whats wrong?” He asks, gaze softening. 

“I just don’t want you to touch me okay.” You say frustrated.

“Okay,” He says putting his hands up in surrender. 

“I have to go get ready for dinner.” You say going to your closet, resting your head in your hands. 

“Should we match tonight?” He asks following you, watching as you rub your eyes with the heel of your hand. “Baby?” He asks softly. “Tell me whats wrong.” 

“Just drop it.” You say looking up at him. He just stares at you. You take a breath and look at his side of the closet. “What are you gonna wear?” 

“Oh um,” He looks over and shrugs. “I don’t know, what should I wear?” He says walking a bit closer to you, slowly.

“I don’t know Shawn.” You sigh.

“I know, we’ll pick a color. Then I’ll pick your dress and you can pick my outfit out. Cute right?” He says, honestly it sounded like a lot of fun so you nodded, smiling. 

“What color?”

“You chose.”

“Um, blue?”

“Dark or light?”

“Dark.”

“Ok, you pick mine, and I’ll pick yours.” He says smiling. Instead of looking at your side he simply walked out of the room. 

“Shawn? Where are you going?” You ask, looking through his shirts.

“To pick yours out, I’ll be back.” He says, and you hear him grab his keys and then walk out. 

“Oh god.” You mumble. 

*

“Go get dressed Babe.” He said handing you a black bag. 

“Here’s yours.” You say handing him a pile of clothes you’ve folded nicely.

“This is really exciting.” He says as you start to walk away. 

You go to your room and close the door, sneaking a peak into the bag. You pull out the most amazing dark blue dress. It’s shiny and goes to about mid thigh. It’s cute and shows off some cleavage. 

But under the dress was another bag. A pink and black bag.

“Oh my god.” You mumble as you pull the Victoria Secret bag out. 

He got you a matching set of dark blue lace underwear and panties. They were pretty cute, and when you put them on, because well it was apart of his choosing, they made you feel so confident. And made you feel sexy as hell. 

You slipped the dress on and smiled at yourself in the mirror.

When was the last time I smiled looking in the mirror.

“Shawn?” You call out.

“What?”

“Straight, curled or up in a ponytail type of hair style.” Even though you knew the answer.

“Curled.” He yelled back. 

You smiled and turned your curling iron on. 

*

You opened the door and looked down, seeing a pair of heels that matched your dress. 

You smiled to yourself and slipped into the heels. 

You walked out to the front, heels clicking on the hard wood. Shawn stood up from his spot on the couch. Putting his phone in his back pocket.

“Jesus.” He breathed out as he looked at you. 

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Twirl.” He says motioning for you to twirl with his right index finger.You did as told and twirled.

“Holy fuck.” He mumbled, tugging at his curls.

“I like that shirt.” You said pointing at him.

“Yeah?” He said twirling, making you giggle.

“Yeah, shows off those badass tats.” You say as he comes closer.

“You do know this is a business dinner right?”

“Why get tattoo’s if your just gonna cover them, that’s just teasing.” You say as he smiles at you.

“Um you didn’t give me a pair of boxers, so I went commando.” He says grinning.

“You didn’t.” You say, deadpanning.

“Wanna check?” He teases.

“Kind of, yeah?” You laugh. He gulps. 

“What do you think of your outfit?” He changes the subject.

“I love it, baby you didn’t have to go out and buy me it.” You say walking into his embrace.

“I gotta spoil my girl.”

“Yeah but with a new dress, shoes, and a new set?” You say smirking.

“Well, the dress and shoes were for you. The set? That my dear is for me.”

“Thought so.” You giggle.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

*

This dinner is extremely boring for you. You have no idea what they are talking about because you zoned out about 20 minutes ago, and whenever Shawn looks at you you just smile at him. 

“I have to go to the bathroom, Y/n? Join me?” One of the other girlfriends, Nicole offers. You smile and nod. 

“Sure.”

You get up and can feel Shawn’s gaze burning on you. 

You both enter the bathroom and she goes straight for the sink.

“God I hate these dinners, their so boring.” She says washing her hands.

“Yeah, usually I just zone out. Making lists about what I need to do the next day in my head.” You confess.

“Smart.” She says smiling at you in the mirror.

Somehow the topic comes around to food, and she’s talking about what you ordered.

“Don’t you think it was a bit much?”

“Oh the price?” You ask, because you planned on covering for yourself.

“No, not the price, lord knows these boys can handle a meal of that price. I mean the amount. It’s a bit much, I mean look at you. You gotta stop eating so much.” She says eyeing your stomach. 

You stopped in your tracks. Completely taking back by what she just said. 

“Excuse me?”

“Well come on dear, its the truth and we all know it.” She says. “Shawn ain’t gonna see you as a beautiful woman if you keep gaining.” 

You were appalled. You had actually thought that you were losing some weight.

“Um.” You didn’t know how to respond.

“Don’t take offense honey, it’s life. Some are rounder than others.” She shrugged walking out of the bathroom. 

And just like that, the good mood Shawn got you into was gone. With a 30 second conversation about your meal. All those thoughts that were in your head all morning and afternoon were now screaming at you. 

You exit, not looking at yourself, and take your seat next to Shawn. Your meal had been delivered and you noticed Nicole look at you with a frown. 

You were starving, but she was right. How could you eat like this and expect to lose weight. 

So you discreetly picked at your food, not eating really anything. Shawn noticed, letting his hand rest on your thigh before you pushed it off.

“Hey.” He whispered in your ear, so no one else would hear.

“Not now.” You barely met his gaze.

“Are we back to this?” He said trying to get your attention.

“Don’t Shawn.” You sneered. 

He huffed and ordered you a box even though you told him it was okay. But you secretly thanked him because that was an expensive meal that you didn’t eat. 

*

“Care to explain what’s wrong yet?” He asked once the car doors were closed.

“Please Shawn, not right now.” You sighed.

“No, I thought I broke this. I thought I got you feeling better.” He said staring at you fiercely. 

“You did.” You whispered.

“Then what?”

“Stop.”

“Y/n tell me what is wrong? You are killing me here, I know something is up and you wont tell me. I thought we didn’t keep things from each other.”

“We don’t” You defended turning to look at him.

“Then tell me whats wrong.” He whispered, he looked so distraught. It’s now you realized how worried and concerned he is. 

Just tell him. 

“I just,” You start. “I just am having some body image issues.” 

“What?” He says in shock, not the answer he was expecting.

“I have been feeling bad about myself lately and it was really bad this morning. It was practically gone when I put this outfit on, but Nicole.” You stopped yourself.

“What did Nicole do?”

“She pretty much told me that you would no longer wanna be with me if I gained any more weight.”

“WHAT?” He said becoming angry. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“No it’s not Shawn, she’s right. I’m a fat piece of shit.” You say, shaking your head.

“HEY!” He shouted at you. Shocking you. “Don’t you EVER speak about MY girlfriend like that.” He warned you. 

“Shawn.” You sighed.

“No, listen to me. That hurts my feelings. I love you and you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your fucking curves kill me, I can barely keep my hands off of you. I’m not liking this ‘push Shawn’s hands away’ thing. You’re mine and I’m gonna hold you when I want to. You are beautiful, stunning, funny, a smart ass, smart, caring, compassionate, and most importantly mine.” 

“Really?” You ask, tearful.

“Come here.” He say pulling you over the console, sitting you on his lap.

“Jesus, do you know how bad you’re killing me in this dress.” He says running his hands up and down your thighs.

“No.” You mumble.

“Let’s just say, I had no idea what we were talking about at dinner because all I could think about was getting you home.” He smirks. “That dress is beautiful, but I’d rather see what you look like without it on.” 

You laugh and lightly smack his chest. 

“Stop.”

“No, you think you look fat. Ha, babe you are not fat. You aren’t even close to being fat. Like miles away from being fat.”

“But this afternoon you said ‘You staring at it to?’” 

“Yeah, how beautiful you are. I know that I can’t stop staring at it.” 

You smile and lean your head against his shoulder.

“No yeah, that makes sense.” You mumble.

“What did you think I meant?”

“My stomach.”

“Stop, you’re killing me here.” He says making you look at him. 

“I love you.”

“I love you more.” He says tucking a curl behind your ear.

“Take me home.” You say crawling back to your seat. 

“It’s about fucking time, I’ve been waiting all night to take you home.”

And just like that, everything Nicole had said vanished from your mind. All that mattered was what Shawn said. 

I cant stress enough how much i look forward to starting on T, and getting top surgery.

I cant wait to hear my voice crack for the first time.

I cant wait to start shaving

I cant wait to look down at my chest and be happy with what i see

I cant wait to pass as a male

I cant wait to get that jawline i hope i get

I cant wait to stop getting my period. (You have no idea how wrong it feels, every freaking month!)

I cant wait to be called a boy by everyone around me

I cant wait to be a proud trans boy, who isnt afraid.

I cant wait to people making fun of my voice cracking, even if im 21 when i start on T.

I cant wait to go topless at the beach, and no one staring at me weirdly.

I cant wait to be ‘one of the boys’

I cant wait to be able to go into the mens section in stores, and not get weird stares.

I cant wait to go into a mens bathroom, and no one looking at me weirdly.

I cant wait till i find a name that i think suits me, and then having people calling me that

I cant wait to teach people about lgbt+

I cant wait to meet other people like myself

I cant wait to hear somone call me their BOYfriend

I cant wait to be refferd to as a boy, even when im not around.

I cant wait to hear my mom and dad call me their son

I cant wait to tell my story to other trans people, and hearing other stories 

I cant wait to wear a dress, even after i have transitioned fully, and then rock it!

I cant wait to stop being scared

I cant wait to stop crying

I cant wait to stop hating my self

I cant wait to not feeling like this anymore

I cant wait to be happy with my self

I cant wait to be a better person

I cant wait to be more happy, so much more happy

I cant wait to get the people out of my life who arent okay with me being trans

I cant wait to set and X with male on tests

I cant wait to start growing a beard

I cant wait to then shaving it off

I cant wait to when people dont have to be scared to come out as trans, or anything else

I cant wait to all parents are accepting and supportive of their kids

I cant wait to all people re accepting and supportive of their friends and family.

I cant wait to being trans isn’t something you should hide, becouse you are scared of others reactions.


I know i can do many of these things already when i havnt gotten the surgery nor started on T. But when i do get the surgery, and start on T, i know im gonna be much more confedint. Im gonna move away from where i am now, and start again, as the boy i truly am, and not someone i pretend to be.

I am so lucky that i have suportive parents and suportive friends, and im so happy. I am so freaking lucky to have them, even though im not fully out at all to everyone i know, just this little start means so much. And i cant imagine how it would be for somone without the suport. So please, if you know somone who is trans, agender, bigender, or something else, pleasure suport them. They might ask you to use a diffrent pronounce, or name, and if they do that, please use the name/pronounce they want, it means so much. And even if its a bit hard for you to remmber it, please try your best, and if you use the wrong name/pronounce, just quickly change it and move on, no need to make a big deal out of it. But just things as that can help so much, it can really mean a lot.

Being trans isnt always easy, some people have it worse than others.But i know just the smallest things, can make someone that much happier. 

I my self is a 17 year old trans guy, i havnt always known that, but im glad i have figured it out. There are still a lot of things i dont know yet about my self, But for now, i know im a trans guy, i am pansexual, though leaning towards guys, so i would say im quite gay. 

People figure out who they are at diffrent times, some when they are young, others when they are older. ANd that is okay, you should never force anything, and you dont have to label yourself, some people like labels, others dont. Just do what you feel comfortable doing, and dont judge others for doing the same thing.

I know i dont have a big following, and most of my folowers are porn blogs, but i just really nedded to say these things, and i will probrly reblog this post later, and probrbly also write one more or two. Happines is something that comes and goes, right now im okay, but i know that i will meet people who wont agree with who i am, and tell me that who i am is wrong, and tell me all kind of negative things, and i know i will cry, a lot more, happy tears and sad tears, beauce there is gonna be hard times and good times, and that is never gonna change, i hope it will though.

Anyways, im Ollie for the time being, a little gay trans guy just passing by. My inbox is always open, and i would love to talk to people, and learn about their experiences. 

I hope you have a great day

As a childcare provider, parents who let their children run their lives and treat their emotions like gospel take like 5 years off my life.

My biggest complaint is that people need to teach their children to let shit go. This is seriously such an important skill. They need to be taught that not every single feeling they ever have is the most important thing on planet earth that gets them anything they want.

Let me explain…..

If you get mad and storm off over sometimes totally not important, I’m going to tell you to let it go and that isnt not a big deal. Because it isnt. If you want to keep freaking out about it, thats on you.

If you whine and tantrum over me not giving you immediate attention, I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing. I’ll explain that you need to wait and you can wait.

If you start throwing a tantrum, you can go somewhere else and do it. Come back when you’re ready to stop because you’re not getting what you want.

All this factors into that I’ve legit had kids tell me “well I’m having a bad day” or “well I’m mad today/at -insert someone or something-” as an excuse for treating the other kids and staff like absolutely shit so they wont get in trouble. Yeah no, you’re still in trouble. That’s not an excuse to treat people poorly/act like a brat. Oh man, do they have a full on meltdown when they find out how they feel isn’t the most important thing in the universe and, regardless how they “feel”, there are still consequences for their actions.

They are legit some of the hardest children to deal with. I understand that you value how your child feels, and thats seriously great, but please for the love of god, stop letting your children use their “feelings” as a scapegoat for shit behavior and that sometimes you just have to deal with not getting what you want…. Thank you.

(To clarify:

There is a difference between caring about a child’s feelings and letting them use their feelings as a be all end all.

I sit children down all the time and ask them to tell me what’s wrong. I’ve had long discussions with children about their feelings. The amount of times I’ve said “Hey, you dont usually act this way. Are you having a bad day? Did something happen?” or “You seem upset today. What’s wrong?” is uncountable.

There is difference between discussing something with a bothered child vs an overcoddled child who thinks that their feelings trump others. As a childcare worker, you can tell the difference.)

anonymous asked:

Hey uhh... I don't wanna bother you...but... is it bad that I want to live despite not being worthy of living? I feel like I'm dying inside and I shouldn't be. I have an ok job,my family love me, and I have good friends... So why do I feel like if I died everyone would be happier without me? I've tried to find ways to "leave" but whenever I do I get scared and back down,then I yell at myself for being selfish for wanting to live.

no, buddy, thats not bad at all. thats a good thing. hang on to that. 

somebody once said that where there’s life, theres hope, and they were right. as bad and awful as things feel and actually are sometimes, as long as youre alive theres opportunity to get better, to be better. if you’re dead, there’s not. sometimes theres no explanation for feeling like garbage, you just do, and it sucks. 

i had an interesting discussion the other week with my therapist about being defined by what i do, not how i feel about myself. we talked about how it can be helpful to use the choices that you make to help define what kind of person you are. if you’re a person who thinks you’re bad, but who does good things, are you bad or good? externally, you’re a positive force in the world. thinking of the ways that i can and have improved the lives of the people important to me helps me fight that nasty voice that tells me the world would be better without me. (and being helpful to them makes me feel like less of a burden when i have to ask them for help. which isn’t a burden, really, but it makes me feel better about asking.)

and if there’s anything i know from having run out of chocolate, it’s that not having something you love never makes you happier than when you do have it. if your family loves you, they wont be happier without you. 

hold on to that strong, surviving part of yourself. feed it with good stuff. that’s how you can make it through to a better mental place. if you give in to the nasty, you’ll never make it to the nice. living is never selfish. 

man, this got a little heavy, sorry. i didn’t want to leave it unanswered, though, so here we are.  on a much lighter note, today i watched thor accidentally set a car down on his own foot, and i learned a bunch of swear words in asgardian. sometimes it’s the little stuff that makes me glad i’m still here, living life. 

anonymous asked:

You mentioned in another ask that dogs can't feel guilt, and I've seen studies on that before, so I'm not trying to discredit it, but do you know of any other reason a dog's behavior changes when they've broken a rule? [1 out of 2]

Ex: my dog wont greet me if he got into something or made a mess while I was gone. What’s the difference between guilt and change in behavior? (he was never punished, esp not afterwards) I’ve been curious about it, I appreciate any insight you have!

Think about how you usually greet your dog when you get home. Personally, I drop all my things, get on her level, and smoosh my dog’s face while telling her how much I missed her in a soft voice. 

Now think about the first time you came home to a mess or other broken rules. Personally, I crossed my arms, gave a stern look, and said “somebody was naughty today” in an unimpressed tone. Not a punishment by any means, but still not the regular greeting. 

This confused my dog. Why isn’t my human as happy to see me? She offered appeasement behaviour (whale eyes, hunched posture, tucked tail) to let me know that she was confused and concerned.

(Photo by Susan Schmitz)

Dogs are masters of reading human body language - we bred them to be! Every change in tone of voice or posture is noticed by them. Most dogs can also eventually figure out why you’re upset. They clue in that Trash on the Ground = Human isn’t happy to see me, so they offer appeasement behaviour whenever trash happens to be on the ground. 

(It’s noteworthy that unless you catch them in the act of emptying the trash, they won’t clue in to Dog in Trashcan = Human isn’t happy. That’s why punishing after the fact very very very rarely works.)

It’s the same thing for other rules that might be broken. Chances are, you were not impressed when your dog broke some rules. Your dog noticed that in your body language or tone of voice and is responding accordingly. 

We’ve talked about this in our FAQ before as well.

Here are some sources about dogs “acting guilty” in response to our (human) body language, for those of you who might be interested. XX, X, X

Hope that clarifies things! -C

Cure (4)

Bucky x reader

Notes: trigger warnings! Implications of sexual abuse, mentions of torture, swearing, injuries, memory loss, recuperating, fluff, angst, smut.

A/N: Part four! Bucky goes to see Banner and finds out more about his past with Y/N, while they find out about that something in his head. 

Oh, and things get sexy. 

Originally posted by nerdyfandomimagines

Banner is nice enough. He keeps calling me James, though, and it’s a little confusing. Everyone here keeps calling me Bucky, and getting used to that one name was tough enough as it is. Now that I remember.. some difficult times, it’s a little exhausting to remind myself to answer to ‘James’ as well.

But he’s nice and lets me know what everything he’s using is for, so I decide to keep my trap shut and just roll with it. They’re trying to help me, after all. See how long it’ll take before I regain all of my memories, and I can’t wait for that to finally fucking happen. 

A voice from the ceiling startles the living shit out of me when Doctor Banner asks some one called Friday what my brain-scan tells her.

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My Lips Are Sealed

PAIRING: Kit Harrington x Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,142

WARNINGS: Kinda small Game of Thrones Spoiler

“I can’t believe you’re watching this,” Kit says with a chuckle.

“Hey, I need to be supportive of my loving boyfriend,” I say to him poking his cheek.

“I’ve created a monster!” I can’t help but roll my eyes at his comment.

When Kit and I first met I had no interest in Game of Thrones, unlike the rest of the world, and because of that a relationship between us started to blossom. That was two years ago now. But after the previous round of filming for Kit I decided to give the show a try, partly to see him, and after a few episodes I was hooked. I binged the entire show in a couple months span, finishing right before Kit came home. When Kit came home I thought he’d be mad that I had suddenly become a fan of the show, but much to my surprise he wasn’t mad. He figured that it would eventually happen.

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The Job

Dylan O’Brien smut

warnings: secretary!y/n, smoking, oral, nsfw

Originally posted by hothothotgg

The heels of your shoes clicked as you trudged your way to show the new employee around his new setting.  “Welcome to the Google corporation.” You apprised followed by, “My name is Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N. And your name is?”
The boy became all flustered as he tried to stutter out his name, “D-Dylan, Dylan O’Brien.”

“Well Mr. O’Brien, we expect you to exert your best effort in this industry and  we expect that you do not stay idle and follow the ground policies.” A stern look plastered on your face looking directly in the eyes of the boy. 

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Just For Me (Part 1)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Slight cursing, some fluff, drinking, a little bit of angst and jealousy

Word Count: 3.9k+

A/N: This is probably one of my favorite fics I have written so far. I’m SO sorry it’s a little long. I’m really looking forward to writing a part two to this, maybe with some smut ;) Anyways hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it :) 

[REQUESTS ARE OPEN]

You and Bucky had kind of history you guess you could say. You had feelings for him but you couldn’t tell if he felt the same way. Bucky is a very hard person to read. A few weeks ago you and him had gotten drunk in the living room of the Avengers Tower whilst playing a drinking game. The game ended shortly after it was starting to get to the point where the two of you were just drinking. So after one too many drinks the two of you both got to talking, mainly about your guys’ childhood, how it was growing up, traditions, stuff like that. Not long after that you had reached a touchy subject in your childhood and there was a moment of silence/pity between you and Bucky. Bucky took advantage of the moment and leaned in and kissed you, it took you off guard at first but you started to kiss back. He was a little hesitant because of fear of hurting you, but you didn’t want it to stop. As the kiss started to deepen of course Bucky’s fear got the best of him and he pulled away. You looked up at him with confusion and longing on your face as he started to stand up. He looked back at you for a second with sad eyes and made his way out of the room without a word. Ever since then Bucky has been avoiding you. You thought that you guys might have had something, but now seeing the way he has been you’re not so sure. Whenever you would try to make conversation with him he would always respond with blunt answers. It was driving you crazy, you craved his attention, you missed him as a friend, even though you wanted to be more than just that. So the past two weeks you having doing things to get his attention, even a reaction out of him would suffice. Things like walking around in nothing but short booty shorts and a fitted tank top, and when you would go swimming in the Avengers pool you would wear the tiniest swimming suit that Natasha lent to you. You were hoping to get some sort of reaction from him but all you got were short blank stares. So you got talking to Sam and you talked him into making Bucky jealous, thinking that might get his attention. At first Sam was skeptical but then after begging him, he caved. It also might have helped that Nat promised to go on a date with him if he helped you out. 

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anonymous asked:

Su teach me how to life

you see its pretty simple. when you receive a gift, give someone a gift. when a stranger holds the door for you, thank them. you like someone?, tell them. you feel like you made someone upset? apologize. you love spending time with your friend?, make them smile.

give something, get it back. get something, give it back. 

It doesn’t matter if the cycle begins with you doing something good or with someone making something good for you, what matters is that you wont live for long, neither will I and neither will anyone else. while it is important that we experience both happiness and sadness, its also important that we learn from both of them and know that they both made us who we are today.

so go and tell someone something nice today, smile at them, pat them on the back, appreciate them. not only will it make you feel absolutely happy but it will give you the pleasure to know for a fact you made someone else happy too.

3

Who are you? How do you possess the byakugan? Don’t tell me you have ties to the Hyuga?

Derek Hale Imagine- Love You Forever

Masterlist

Authors note- So it’s a bit different to my usual imagines, but I hope you enjoy it. You can find the song that inspired me here.

“Turn me” you said, coming face to face with your boyfriend. “No Y/n. I’ve told you before, you don’t want this” he exclaimed. “But I do” you remarked, folding your arms over your chest. “Somethings wrong” he said raising his eyebrows at you. “No” you said laconically, knowing he would hear your heart beat rise. “There is, isn’t there?” he sighed. You nod your head gently and bit your lip to stop it from quivering. He lifted you up and placed you on the kitchen counter top, the place you usually sat when you two were having trouble. “Recently, I’ve been starting to get sick again and my mom got worried and took me to the hospital-” you began. Derek’s heart sank. It brought him back to a similar time a few months back, the Darach had held you in an abandoned building for weeks to try and get to Derek. Unfortunately for you, the building had a high asbestos level and you ended up fighting for your life with asbestos poising. “Well I’ve now been diagnosed with Asbestosis and its why I’ve been so tired lately and why my chest is always in pain" you said, your voice cracked because you were on the brink of tears, you had your whole life ahead of you and it all seemed to come crumbling down. ”So what does that mean? Another operation? Antibiotics? Physio?” he began asking, in a sort of panic. “There’s no cure” you said, as tears began to stain your cheeks. You saw his face deflate, the sadness that clouded his eyes as he walked over and pulled you into a tight embrace. “We’ll get through this” he reassured. “I don’t want to go through this again” you sobbed into his chest. “Babe, I’m here and ill be with you every step of the way. But you’ve got to keep strong” he said, tangling his fingers in your hair. “What if I cant? What am I going to tell the pack? I don’t want them to feel sorry for me, but they’ll know somethings up” you rambled. “Y/n, look at me. Look at me!” he said gently. “We are going to get through this together, without the use of the supernatural. I’m going to be here every step of the way” he continued after you met his eyes. “Promise?” you asked with an involuntarily pout, you held your pinky finger out. “I promise babygirl” he said without hesitation, joining to pinky promise you. It was childish, but it was yours. You loved him and he adored you, you were just glad you had a boyfriend like him to support you through something like this.

Weeks had gone by and things only seemed to get better. The pack didn’t suspect anything, due to Derek teaching you how to hide your chemo signals and the pain was almost non existent especially with Derek removing it any chance he got. The only thing that seemed to be an annoyance was all the check-ups at the doctors and the constant coughs you caught. Derek had stuck to his word, he hadn’t left your side once. For a time you felt like a normal teenager; you moaned about homework, left important essays to the last minute, made plans with Stiles to prevent you all from getting killed, snuck out in the middle of the night to meet your boyfriend and worried about pointless things like your favourite show ending (Because Same). You were even invited to one of the biggest parties of the year, including the rest of the pack. Maybe things were starting to look up for you after all.

“Allison, Scott, Y/n!, come on we’re leaving!” Stiles shouted from downstairs. The two of you were trying to help him after he accidently split his jeans (long story). “One second” Scott shouted, followed by a wince after Allison accidently pricked his skin. “My arm is getting tired, hurry up” you whined, you had to hold him up while Allison sewed his jeans. “Guys come on, we’ll be late if there’s traffic!” Stiles shouted up again, obviously getting restless. “Go and start the engine then” Allison shouted in frustration, finding the task more difficult than it should have been. “What’s taking so long?” Lydia asked as she swung open Scott’s bedroom door. “Forget I asked” she added, slowly backing out of the room. “I’m just sewing his jeans and Y/n is holding him up” Allison let out a giggle after realising how weird it must have looked. “You do know you could of taken the jeans off and then sewed them?” Lydia shook her head. The three of you sighed at the same time and you and Allison stood back up. “That would of been a lot easier” you confirmed with a head nod. Lydia shook her head again and laughed, before gesturing for you all to hurry up. When you all got into the jeep, Stiles was staring at you all in hopes of some sort of apology for keeping him waiting. You all simply ignored it, you ruffled his hair and Scott punched him playfully in the arm. “I’m glad you came Y/n” Stiles smiled at you through the wing mirror. “I always come to parties?” you smiled but with a questioning look. “You never come to parties without Derek” Scott agreed. “Well, sometimes you just got to live it up- any day could be your last” you mumbled the last part. Allison shot a quizzical look from next to you, but brushed it off after you began singing happily to the radio a few seconds later.

You hadn’t been at the party for more than an hour when you started getting chest pain, you tried to convince yourself it was just heartburn from the vodka shots, but you knew different. You stumbled into the bathroom and began doing the breathing exercises your doctor taught you, but they didn’t seem to be working. You reached in your pocket to call Derek but the numbers in your phone became blurred. You felt light headed until you finally passed out and hit your head on the tiled floor. It was no longer than five minutes before Lydia found you and called the others for help. Scott and Stiles carried you into the kitchen as Allison swiped everything off the counter top. They placed you down and began to panic, after all they had no idea what you were actually dealing with. “Call an ambulance and you, call Derek” Allison began to order, as her Argent medical training kicked in. “What should I do?” Lydia asked, desperate to help. “Get a wet cloth and hold it on her head where she’s bleeding” she said quickly. She checked your pulse and her eyes widened. “Scott, Scott she’s not breathing” Allison panicked. “Please hurry she isn’t breathing” Scott repeated as he ended the 911 call. “Y/n wake up” “Y/n hold on, an ambulance will be here soon” “Does anyone no CPR?” “Come on Y/n, wake up!”.

“Hey, hey” the figure spoke softly as you sat up. “Am I at the hospital?” you asked, as your eyes began to adjust to the harsh light. “Yeah, you stopped breathing” he said, not wanting to confuse you by giving you every detail. “Do they know?” you asked. “Scott overheard the doctors debriefing one another, I had to tell them. They had a feeling something was up anyway” he explained, not sure how you would react. “Oh” you simply said. “They’re speaking to Mellissa at the reception, do you want me to bring them in?” he asked, understanding that you needed your friends. “I’m going to die, aren’t I?” you sighed. “No and don’t think like that” he linked his hand with yours to soothe you. You took a deep breath, feeling a tight pain in your chest. You then saw the veins in Derek’s hand turn black as he took your pain away. “I’m scared” you admitted. “I wont let anything happen to you, none of us will. If it came to it we’d do something” he reassured. “I love you” you cupped his cheek with your hand. “I love you too” he reached over and kissed you sweetly on your forehead. It was warming to know that you were the only one to make broody Derek smile and ne the sweet person he really is. “I’m scared that you’ll get tired of having to deal with my medical issue all the time, what if you find someone that’s fit and healthy, that keeps you far away from hospitals all the time? The same ones that I drag you in to every other week” you rambled. “I’m never leaving you, don’t stress baby” he smiled gently. “I hope that’s true” you smiled weakly but genuinely in return.

A While Later

Your health only seemed to be getting better, until it wasn’t. A few weeks after your birthday you got sick again and things took a turn for the worst. You almost died, you would have died. But here you are, alive and well, happily strolling around Beacon Hills at 10am (a habit you gained recently). You heard a twig snap from behind you. You turned around, your eyes glowing gold and a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. You ran and jumped, and they caught you. “I see someone’s wolf instincts have kicked in” he laughed. You let out a small growl, followed by your familiar laugh. You then pressed your lips to Derek’s and ruffled his hair, before you quickly pinned him to the ground. “Rule number one, never get distracted” you teased, mocking the werewolf training he had been giving you. “Rule number 2, look for their weak spot” he said, kicking you in the back of the leg, causing you to fall on top of him. “Cheat, you knew about that” you said, noticing his smug smirk. You picked yourself up and offered your hand out and Derek took it, bring himself to also stand up. You pulled him down so you could whisper in his ear, “You forgot rule number three, never trust your opponent”  and with that you pulled him back onto the floor. “Looks like you’re going to be good at this” he groaned from the floor. “I know right” you joked, causing him to trip you up so you fell beside him. “Fancy getting something to eat?” he asked, as you also groaned. “Pizza” you smiled. “Pizza it is” he replied. You gave him a quick kiss, before you both rolled over and stood up. He brushed the leaves off your bum as you linked your arm with his. Your life was finally coming back together and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Or with anyone else.

I think I’m a fan of these optimistic endings, it appears. Requests are closed Unfortunately. Until the next time, see you later loves x

This is it. II (S.M)

Description: After his European tour Shawn traveled North America not failing to sell out every show. He was finally coming home, and his parents invited y/n to a welcoming home party. She doesn’t know if she should go or not, but when she makes her decision she wonders if it’ll be any good.

I’ve decided to make this a little series. I don’t know how long I want to make it. It could be only three parts or it could be ten. Hope you enjoyed. (: please send feedback!!



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Premiere

Originally posted by fireworkofdec

Requested: Yes, by a wonderful anonymous person

Pairings: Ezra Miller x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,250

A/N: I don’t LOVE this one, and I have no real idea how movie premieres work, buuuut I hope that you guys enjoy this! Please let me know if you have anymore requests!

“I’ll be there in a minute,” you called, sparing one last look in the mirror before rushing to let your boyfriend in. His eyes ran over you as if he was seeing you for the first time. If you hadn’t been dating Ezra for a while now, you might have blushed. It wasn’t that you were used to his loving gazes, or didn’t cherish them anymore, you were just usually wrapped up in one of your own.

He looked amazing, and you couldn’t remember a time when you had been prouder of him. He was staring in the new Harry Potter movie, and he had insisted that you come with him to the premiere. The two of you were both private people, and preferred to stay in rather than out where the paparazzi can harass you and ruin the night.

But you were such a fan of the series, Ezra couldn’t fathom you missing something as big as the premiere. After that, it was a whirlwind of fittings and meetings about shoes and how your hair was going to be styled. You were poked and prodded while Ezra st in a chair in the corner, a smirk on his face.

All of this was a bit much for you, but it was going to make him happy, and you would do nearly anything to see him happy. And you got to see the new movie, so you couldn’t complain much anyways.

“You look amazing.” He breathed. You smiled, giving him a small twirl before grabbing his hand and pulling him into your apartment.

“You look great too.” You winked, gesturing at his outfit. He looked particularly nice, but it wasn’t his outfit. His eyes were glowing, and he looked genuinely excited. After being burnout from all of his hard work on all of his movies lately, it was reassuring to see him back to his normal happy self.

You quickly threw on your earrings and shoes before allowing Ezra to lead you downstairs and into the car.

The two of you passed the time on the way there by talking about your favorite Harry Potter moments from the previous eight movies. You had a spirited debate over Albus Dumbldore’s intentions, whether Draco Malfoy deserved redemption, and which character you wanted to marry.

He grumbled for a bit after that one, claiming that he was much better than any of them anyways.

“Of course you are,” you insisted, taking his hand. “You are real, and you’re mine.” He pulled you closer into him, resting his head on top of yours. You savored to silence, knowing that when you stepped out of the car, a flurry of lights and questions was going to bombard you. it was nice to have silence for a while.

What felt like too soon, the car came to a stop and Ezra hopped out. “Wait right there.” He sprinted around the car, pulling your door open and offering you his hand to help you out of the car.

You timidly stepped out of the car, making sure that your feet were planted firmly under you before taking another step. It would be like you to trip first thing, but thankfully, you were on your feet without an issue and Ezra led you away from the curb.

There was a small walkway before you got to the thick of the carpet. Ezra stopped abruptly, turning to face you. “Thank you so make for coming with me. I know that this can’t be easy, but I don’t think that I could do this without you.”

You were at a loss for words, which wasn’t something that happened often. You took a deep breath and gave him your best smile. “We both know I would have murdered you if you left me at home. It’s bad enough you wont tell me anything as it is.”

“I love you so much.” He said, pulling you into a quick kiss, before taking your hand an leading you to the blue carpet, where interviews were being conducted.

You chose to stay in the background for the most part. This was Ezra’s moment, and you wanted the focus to be on him and his fantastic work in the movie, not his girlfriend. But, after three interveiwers were asking about you anyways, Ezra took your hand and refused to let go.

“So, Ezra, how long have you been together.” The woman asked, motioning to where you stood beside him, arm around your waist.

“We have been together for a few months, but it feels like eternity.” He answered, landing a peck onto the top of your head.

Now, you were blushing.

“So, are you a Potter fan?” she asked.

It took Ezra nudging you in the side to realize that she was talking to you. Ezra had jokingly told you that you just needed to stand next to him and look pretty, so you weren’t really prepared to answer any questions. Thinking about it now, it would make sense to answer a question or two. “I have always loved the books, and I can’t wait for a new story.” You replied earnestly.

“And what has been your favorite thing about this movie?” she asked.

“Oh, this one won’t tell me anything.” You said, rolling your eyes. “I am completely in the dark, but believe you me, I am very excited.”

The woman laughed, thanking both of you or the interview before you were ushered along to the rest of the reporters.

The rest of the interviews were a lot more of the same questions, a few had games, and one was given to you by a girl who couldn’t have been older than seven, but knew absolutely everything about the Potter universe.

You thought that you were finally going to see the film, when you were ushered into a green room filled to the brim with the rest of the cast. You were star struck. Ezra hadn’t told you that any of this was going to happen, and you hadn’t had anytime to mentally prepare yourself.

Everyone was so kind and understanding of your inability to talk. You hugged Eddie Redmayne and took pictures with everyone that you could possibly find, and begged Ezra to tell you something, anything about what was coming. But he just smile, and took your hand, and told you to be patient. Finally, someone came to take you to your seat while the cast went to introduce the film.

Watching your boyfriend stand up there with all of his friends and cast mates, you felt so proud that you were on the verge of tears. Finally, your boyfriend joined you, slipping his hand into your and giving you a kiss on the cheek. The music swelled and your heart felt like it was going to burst.

The film was amazing. You hadn’t known what was coming, and you were proud. Seeing what he had been working on though, a few tears fell before the end of the film. Ezra saw, out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t say anything, simply brushing it away quietly and kissing where the trail had ended.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, unable to vocalize how proud you were of him, how much your loved him. Instead of making you talk, he gave you a look that said ‘I know’ and let you sit in the theater, probably the happiest that you had been since the day that he asked you out.

| NAILS |

Dust’s POV :

something happened lately .Zeffer is getting weaker and weaker every month.

he started to cough every minute.his temperature is getting warmer but hes still denying that he’s sick.

couple of days later,

it’s getting worse.he cant walk straight ,his eyes can’t open wide enough to see,etc.

i know there’s something wrong.he wont tell me whats wrong.hes probably afraid that i might be mad at him if i do some of his chores.

one day,something happened after my shower.

 “AAAAAHHHH”,i heard Zeffer screamed downstairs.after i wore my clothes back,I saw him.with his mouth filled with his saliva and blood.

he looks at me with a regret face for saying that hes really fine the past months.

i looked at his face.he’s crying really badly.he almost fainted at this point.i looked down.and i saw something really makes my whole body shakes.

it’s nails.