something inside


How To Find Your Calling

 You are a special person, a unique individual - the likes of which has never been seen on the planet. You have something inside you that the world needs - start expressing yourself to understand your gifts and appreciate why you have been blessed with them.

Forget what they told you - grades do not determine intelligence, your emotional intelligence (EQ) is more important than your IQ. Your EQ is what will shape how your life will look and your IQ is only an arbitrary figure that takes away your power by encouraging you to compare yourself to others.

Reclaim your power and understand that you are gifted in ways no one else is. Society may have made you believe that you are ordinary or “average” but this is a lie designed to keep you in a state of perpetual boredom. This boredom will encourage you to do everything but explore the universe within you.

Put away the video games, the smart phones and the TV - close your eyes and look within you. Listen to what your self talk is saying and gain an understanding of who you are before you abandon hope of having the life you always dreamed of. 

You have been lied to for many years. Start questioning everything around you to unlock the reason you chose to come to this planet. Learn to harness the gifts you have been blessed with and share them with the world. There are others who need that which you are keeping inside you.

This is a call to action - be in alignment with who you truly are, rather than who they told you to be. Learn more about yourself by being with yourself - through knowledge of self we can understand what our gifts are an how to use them.

Know yourself and you will know your purpose.

Peace & positive vibes.

víctor m. alonso, ph.
words and photo by víctor m. alonso

hay algo que me rompe el interior, que hace mi ansia insaciable, en este anhelo insoslayable de mirar la línea del horizonte; rompérseme el alma literalmente, sangrárseme la tristeza, no saber cómo ubicar, dónde ubicar, el espacio vacío que tus olores, grabados a fuego de éxtasis y deseo en lo esencial de quien soy, me hacen romper toda lógica del discurso, todo raciocinio de quien soy, ante el abismo vacío que me circunda cada vez que miro hacia la línea del horizonte y la brújula precisa del corazón queda inmóvil, como expectante ante tanto silencio, frente a todo el olor de las salinas, del cruel salitre esencial y genético, con que este mar de la Isla me trae este recuerdo irreprimible de ti.

There is something that breaks the inside, that makes insatiable the yearning, in this inevitable desire to look at the line of horizon; my soul breaks itself literally, the sadness bleeds, in front of the unkowing to locate, where to locate, the empty space that your scents, etched with fire of ecstasy and desire in the essential of who I am, make me break all logic of the speech, all reasonable sense of who I am, in front of the empty abyss that surrounds me every time I look towards the horizon line, and the precise compass of the heart remains immobile, as expectant in the face of so much silence, in front of all the smell of the salinas, the cruel essential and genetic saltpeter, with which the sea of the Island brings me this irrepressible memory of you.

Music Series: Starving by Hailee Steinfeld, ft. Zedd and Grey

Thank you for the request, Anon! This is “Starving” by Hailee Steinfeld, featuring Zedd and Grey. You can hear this song on Spotify, RIGHT HERE!




You know just what to say

Shit, that scares me, I should just walk away

But I can’t move my feet

The more that I know you, the more I want to

Something inside me’s changed

I was so much younger yesterday, oh

“Hello,” you finally muster at Harry’s greeting to you, introducing himself with a smile. “Sorry…”

“No worries,” Harry giggles at you. “I have an appointment this morning, don’t I?”

You grin as your heart accelerates a bit, looking at the appointment schedule on your computer and seeing a name similar to his and looking at him questioningly.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he laughs. “Don’t use my real name sometimes, but they know who it is anyway. You’re new here, aren’t you?”

You clear your throat and nod to him.

“Yes,” you say, nervous, not because of who he obviously is, but because he is breathtaking. Why had nobody told you he was on the schedule at your office today to see your employer? Maybe they were testing you to see how you would handle the situation. You took a deep breath to compose yourself internally, and smiled. “Yes, I’ve been here a couple of months.”

“That’s great!” Harry exclaims, returning your smile. “Nice to see a beautiful new face.”

Had Harry Styles just called you beautiful? You look down at your hands as he giggles at you again.

“It’s lovely to meet you, sweetheart,” he says, extending his hand to shake yours.

“I’m very happy to meet you, too, Harry,” you grin, a chill running up your spine at the look he is giving you.

I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you
Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo
By the way, by the way, you do things to my body
I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you

As Harry walks out to your desk from the office behind you, shaking your boss’ hand, he looks at you with a smile.

“Thank you,” he says, leaning toward you to kiss your cheek lightly.

“You’re welcome,” you reply, feeling Harry take your hand and squeeze it lightly. As he begins to release your hand, you feel him suddenly clutch it again, leaning back toward you. “Um…” he giggles, biting his lower lip between his teeth, looking shyly at the other people sitting in chairs, waiting for their appointments. “I realize…I just met you and everything…but…”

You look at him, unsure of what his next words will be, but happy he hasn’t left your office yet.

“Would you…like to have coffee…or tea…or dinner…or something…with me?” Harry stammers quietly, spewing his words in short bits, trying to form his thoughts accordingly.

Your jaw drops slightly but you quickly close the small gap between your lips, not wanting to appear awkward, thinking he would realize he made a mistake and run the opposite direction before you could agree to the invitation.

“I…uh…” Harry stutters again. “I would really love to talk more with you, if that’s okay?”

You look at him, still unbelieving that it isn’t a dream, but quickly respond, not wanting him to take it back in your delay.

“Yes!” you say with a bit of vigor. “Yes, I would love that!”

“Great!” he smiles widely.

Making the plans, he agrees to pick you up from work, taking you for a drink then back to your apartment, following you into your doorway.

“Would you like to stay and visit more, Harry?” you ask shyly, not expecting him to agree but pleased when he accepts.

“Would really love that,” he flirts with a smirk.

You know just how to make my heart beat faster

Emotional earthquake, bring on disaster

You hit me head-on, got me weak in my knees

Yeah, something inside me’s changed

I was so much younger yesterday, ye-eah

So much younger yesterday, oh, yeah

You laugh at something funny and dopey that Harry says, and his smile dents his dimples in deeply, happy you find him so funny. He sets his nearly empty glass of wine next to yours on the table in front of the sofa.

“I’m having such a nice time with you, love,” Harry grins. “I’m afraid I need to be getting home now, though. Early morning tomorrow. I hope this will be the first of many nice times with you.”

“I hope so, too,” you reply, smiling as Harry watches your lips. “Thank you for wanting to spend time with me.”

“Thank you for agreeing,” Harry giggles.

Looking at your eyes, then focusing once again on your lips, Harry licks his lips without thought as you lean toward him, he accepting the tender kiss of your lips on his. Feeling him begin to pull away, you crave more and lean closer to him, happy when you feel his hand caress your cheek, tasting you more deeply as his tongue gently separates your lips. After a long, passionate kiss, Harry’s breaths try to regulate to normal again as his eyes remain closed, until slowly opening them to look at you. His mouth quirking up into an excited grin, he nips lightly at your bottom lip.

“Maybe I don’t need to leave yet after all.”

I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you

Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo

By the way, by the way, you do things to my body

I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you

The more that I know you, the more I want to

Something inside me’s changed

I was so much younger yesterday

New paper for the journals

The next few books will be holding something new and special inside. It is of great importance for the writer to not be distracted by minor nuisances, to immerse himself in the story, idea or memory.

The next journals will be of elegant volume and medium format, again bound in fine natural colored goatskin and tooled with precious materials. To go with that elegance, I’ll be using this smooth textured, cream color Clairefontaine paper. A true pleasure to write on, especially for the pen and ink connoisseurs.


“Sorry” she mumbled slowly pushing him towards the bench she had shared with Renee earlier that day.

“Divia I’m not upset I wish…” he sighed “I wish you’d own your feelings. If you feel angry be angry. If you feel like crying than cry. Don’t let me or anyone else dictate how you feel.” He fell silent while Divia sat down on the bench facing him. He reached over took her hand “I know I’ve been hard on you. I’m sorry. I thought if I pushed you enough you’d stand up for yourself.” He squeezed her hand “I guess that’s not what you needed and I’m sorry.”

Something broke inside her. Like a chunk of ice had fallen away from her heart. “Daddy” she cried throwing her arms around “I love you so so much and I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Hesitantly at first he raised his arms to hold her. “Does this mean I have a green light to set things up with Renee?”

“Oh daddy you’re impossible” she cried into his shoulder feeling she’d let him do whatever he wanted as long as she knew he loved her.

It’s weird how you don’t realize how much someone means to you until they’re gone.  I’ve been doing trivia with a friend for over two years, seeing her regularly every week.  Without realizing it, she had become my sole confidante in Seoul.  Someone neutral to whom I could open up without fear and expect total honesty.  Similarly, she had come to see me in a similar light I recently discovered.  Now that I’ve said my final good-bye to her, I feel as if something inside me has been blocked up again. 


Until I met you, my life was nothing but chaos and loneliness. When you came into my life, my world was no long dark or gloomy. There was suddenly colors every where again. From the deepest blues to the brightest yellows. The sun isn’t what makes my life bright, it’s your smile. Your eyes saved me from what I was becoming by the way they light up when you smile. Your voice was the most soothing noise I’ve heard in a long time then you picked up the guitar and was humming along and I melted. I was with someone else but from that moment, I was yours weather we ended up together or not.
You brought something to life inside of me that had been dead for a very long time. And for that, I offer you my heart til the end of time.


“You feel a pulling at something inside of you, and you don’t know what it is. In a way, it’s intangible, but at the same time, it’s real - because you can feel it. The moment you eat this meal, a bond is created.

When people talk about destiny, this is the kind of thing they talk about. You feel it now because there’s so much power in it, Taako, and whatevers on the other end - whoever - they feel it, too.”

I wish that no one cared and moved on easily with their lives if I died but I know my death would affect people so I can’t be so selfish and take my own life so I wish that something would make me die already …

The one and only wasteland beverage that doesn’t list radiation as an ingredient. [disclaimer: radiation may still be present in Sunset Sarsaparilla, and the Sunset Sarsaparilla company is not responsible for; mouth mutations, tumors, loss of brain function, decrease in memory retention, headaches, nausea, constipation, numbness in fingers or toes, sudden bouts of existentialism, or death, consult your doctor before drinking in Sunset Sarsaparilla.]