something brighter appearing

I admit that it takes me much too long to allow people in. It takes me ages to bring down my heavily guarded walls only to reveal a world that is much better kept locked up. I am a colourful face with a tar black soul, tattered and torn from years of sorrow concealed with a bright smile painted along with deep red lips. I fear that I will accidentally darken other’s minds to resemble the darkness that has long since consumed my own. I will therefore continue to lock people out, to keep my walls held high, growing larger as the years drag on, protecting them from the sadness that I so easily hide. I am a forgotten and lost soul, drifting melancholically through the world, keeping distant from the bustle around me. I fear that I was made to only be found but never kept by so many who search for something brighter than what I appear to be able to offer but cannot.
—  I am not worth the effort that it takes to bring down my guard, 01/07/16 • jf