someones probably done this already but oh well

How The Wedding Really Went Down.

Cleo: You don’t think I can fight because I’m a girl.

Nic: I don’t think you can fight because you’re wearing a wedding dress. For what it’s worth, I don’t think Magnus could fight in that dress either.

Magnus: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.

Some memorable/out of context quotes from Phil’s new video (mostly Dan flirting)

“I’m here in spirit and sarcastic comments.”

“Get your knees out for the lads.”

“You’re the same… but edgier.”

“Phil, if I didn’t know you I’d think you were cool.”

“Phil and the… beanie patrol.”

“I think this jacket is a bit too Dan.”

“Time to deflower yourself.”

“I feel like some kind of bird of prey.”

“Come on Phil, get your guns out.”

“Our lumberjack dad. Chop us in half.”

“I’m gonna save you from a bridge.”

“I’m so pale I just kind of fade away with the jeans.”

“Yes Phil, give us the manliest strut you’ve ever strote.”

“No, I think it would hypnotize pigeons, it’s too crazy.”

“… and the line is below the bellybutton.”

“Give us your cheese, Phil.”

“Put your hands on your hips, Phil.”

“There’s no butt on it.”

“Give us a twirl Phil, let us see that whole… damn.”

I can feel every piece of my skin rubbing against it!“

“It’s clamping to your breast!”

“I’m sweaty in places I didn’t know I had!”

“Squeak those legs together.”

anonymous asked:

Can you rec me any good UT fics? Bonus points if it's multiversal :3

*Pull up a chair, anon~.  And always remember to check the warnings/tags of these fics because I read some messed-up shit sometimes.

Also, if you guys have any recommendations for me, please.  Send them my way.  Also bonus points if they’re multiversal.  

Going On

Okay, stop what you’re doing and read this first.  Just do it.  I’m not even going to tell any of you what it’s about.  It’s 697 words, so just read it real quick, and then send me something telling me what you thought about it.  Please.

Not Your Housekeeper

This one’s multiversal!  It reminds me of 6S1M, only it includes Gaster, G!Sans, and G!Paps.  In it, you run away after finding your boyfriend cheating on you, and oh hey, G!Sans and Red hit you with their car.  You end up living with all of them and doing some general chores/cooking their meals in lieu of paying rent.

Catch My Drift

Sans/Reader.  A fun little one-shot where Sans is a lifeguard and you almost drown.  It has beach puns for days, and I approve.

All of Xantall_Farwood’s one-shots.  

They’re Underswap Paps/Reader, and some Blueberry/Reader, too.  
(And hey sinners, there’s a Stretch/Reader heat one-shot, too.)

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes

Reader/Sans.  You go to a party for the free food, only to discover it’s mostly monsters.  Apparently, it’s being thrown by someone called Papyrus?  A short skeleton asks how you know Paps.  “Oh.. I’m, uh.. dating his brother,” you fumble with the lie.  “How do you know him?”

He grins.  “i’m the brother.”

Seriously.  This is some of the best second-hand embarrassment ever, and I highly recommend it for everyone.  I spent like two days binge-reading it.   

Despite Everything, it’s Still You

Papyrus meets his AU counterparts, so technically multiversal.  I haven’t finished it yet, but it’s really well-done, and so interesting!

Six Skeletons, One Maid

Of course you guys probably already know this one.  The Reader is a maid for the skeles, and they’re total jerks to her, but she’s doing it for her family.  At the end of the fic, she lists all the works inspired by hers, so there’s a few more multiversal fics there, but I honestly haven’t read more than a chapter or two of most of them, so I can’t give an accurate recommendation.  Still, it’s worth checking them out!

Already There

UF!Sans/Reader.  For all of you that like parental HC’s, well Red and the Reader adopt a monster baby in this one.  Well, the Reader does and then Red just kinda ends up falling into the dad role and things go from there.

Please, please, be mindful of the tags in the fanfics if you check these next ones  out.   

*Explicit/NSFW fics:

Sooner or Later You’re Gonna Be Mine

Mob!Red/Frisk. I’m in love with this fic.  There hasn’t really been any actual smut that I can think of off the top of my head, but it’s going to be a thing later, so I’m listing it under this section.  Frisk is a singer, and Red’s a mobster with his eye on her.  This is the fic that made me obsessed with Mob!Red, and if you check the author, she’s doing some crazy what-if’s from the fic that aren’t for the squeamish.  

The Devil’s Brand of Humor

Horrortale Sans/Reader.  I seriously can’t recommend this one enough because HT!Sans is my jam, holy shit.  In this one, the Reader and Sans accidentally get bonded, so instead of eating her.. he has to protect her.  And Papyrus is just wonderful. This is marked explicit, but I haven’t seen any smut yet (although it does get a little sinful in some parts), so it’s probably mostly marked for gore.  


US!Paps/Reader.  Surface timeline, where the Reader is in an abusive relationship (Non-con/physical abuse trigger warning) and ends up befriending a bunch of monsters in a band who help her overcome.  Lots of singing involved.  I still haven’t finished it, but it’s good.

A Puzzle Just for Me

Holyyyy shit, do you like Mob!Sans?  Because I love Mob!Sans.  And in this fic, the Reader becomes a call girl for monsters, and oh hey, Sans decides to buy her as his private human.  It’s way more than just that, though; he treats her well, there’s an AMAZING CRAP-TON of world-building (the Surface literally floats!!), and the Reader has her own life outside of the super sexy times with Sans.  
So, obviously Mob!Sans/Reader; gratuitous smut.  

sticks and stones.

Where US!Paps swaps bodies with UF!Paps and ends up in Underfell.  It ends up being Honeymustard fontcest in the later chapters, but holy crap is it an interesting read.  There’s also a warning for mentioned  Dub!consent fellcest.


In which Sans is messed up and gains a strange obsession with Frisk.  Non-con warning, but holy crap, watching his slow descent from the laid-back, apathetic skeleton to someone so warped by LOVE is a train-wreck I couldn’t look away from.  This is NOT for the feint of heart, and this will NOT leave you feeling good.  But that’s the point of the fic.


UF!Sans/Frisk.  Definitely a big huge Non-Con warning on this one!  Red is keeping Frisk in his shed, but this is a Frisk that came from a timeline where she was in a relationship with UT!Sans.  Soul mates are a thing, and memories of the other timeline keep popping up in Red’s mind.  This is such a good portrayal of Red.

The Heat of the Moment

SF!Paps/Reader.  Heat smut and knotting.  But holy shit, is it good.  This is the real sex god SF!Paps right here, and the safe word is tuba my dears.  This one’s by the same author as Dalliance, and I feel like I should tag her here because I feel weird just talking about her fanfics when we’re following each other.  So, hey @thebananafrappe~!  YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING, and I totally hope it’s okay that I’m listing it in these recommendations.  

Sansed Heat

Smut with a thin plot.  A heat cycle with Sans that’s done in a manner that’s not “ahhhhh i can’t control myself ahhh man it’s everywhere!”  (Although hey I read those, too)  It was just refreshing.  

Cage of Bones

UF!Sans/Reader.  Smut, Non-Con warning.  In which Red is a silver-tongued manipulator that keeps a human and tries to harness the power of her SOUL.  This is another fic that won’t leave you feeling good.  

Smells Like Chalk and Cuckatoo

Smutsmutsmut.  This is Reader/Sans with soul-bonding elements.  The authors also have one with Reader/Blueberry (with some Reader/Papyrus) with the same soul-bond concept.  


Wanna have a threesome with Sans and Papyrus?  Count me in.  Reader-insert.  A bit of fontcest.  Definite smut.

How to Make Muffins

Sans/Frisk.  Lots of smut, lots of fun timeline stuff, plus some Surface living.  

Much like Ti-Ning is determined to never fade from our lives, apparently I am determined to drag each generation out for a fucking year. Suffice it to say the playing and posting are once again completely out of sync and I’ve banned myself from touching the lot till we’re all caught up here, so I’ll be seeing this family again sometime in 2019. That said, I’m def happy to take a break from our newest family member:

..Yea. The charlatan may have robbed us in the tropics, but it looks like we managed to steal his most well-guarded possession.. his heart. Seriously I’ve no idea what’s happening but he’s been skulking around here all night, every night, FOR A WEEK so it’s pretty much time to accept he lives with us now. This was stressful to the point where I deadass had a dream about him (he was a character on Girls and making out with Allison Williams, sorry girl.) In ‘real life’ however, it’s someone else he wants to make out with:

HATEBONER ALERT. It’s hard to tell exactly what his play here is, extreme negging?? It was all fun and games when he first showed up, I was all like ‘HAHA stupid stalker charlatan’ but I’ve been getting progressively more nervous about his shitty character file with each passing day-

-especially since he’s freezing to death and STILL WON’T GTFO. Literally all we need right now is his fucked up npc ghost. YOU WANT TO DIE DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME ASSHOLE

-Frozen.. just like my world froze the moment I first laid eyes on Wyatt..

UGH ofc, unsurprisingly Wyatt’s charms are once again the downfall of this family. Well you know what, you can have him!

It’s not as if he’s of literally ANY USE around here. 

-You know what they say, mon amour, eighty-second time is the charm! 

Yea, I truly can’t stress enough the degree to which we can’t get knocked up, courtesy of SOMEONE’S permanently red needs. He really didn’t use to be like this in college so it’s clear that just like Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco, Wyatt left his brain in LaFiesta Tech. I’m legit spending half my time in this lot chasing him around making sure he doesn’t die, shit’s unreal. After Komei it felt there was nowhere to go but up in the spouse department, but I’m beginning to suspect the impossible has happened, aka we somehow.. DOWNGRADED. Jfc. Of course we all know whose fault this really is..


YOURS you unloveable monster. We could have had smart, evil, self-reliant Ti-Ning, I was super subtly gunning for him, but nooooo you just had to be a flop and push him into the arms of Frances, I mean WHO TF gets cucked by Frances Worthington. ANYWAY. Let’s focus on the fact you finally managed to get promoted, it’s about time. I don’t even wanna know what you’re ‘inventing’.

-Ugh imbecile.. I happen to have a number of incredible ideas, such as a revolutionary new technology that actually INCREASES carbon emissions. Patent pending.

On second thought maybe you shouldn’t procreate and Wyatt is doing the world a massive favor. Captain hero indeed!

At least someone in this house is getting the job done. Cat gen 3 is here! This is D’vorah!

And this is Goro, who is obviously done with life 5 seconds in.

-You’d be too if your name was fucking Goro.

HEY GORO IS A PRINCE OK. Show some respect.

The twins are both sporting this extremely un-Mortal Kombat personality, which is very disappointing since their parents are major assholes. OH WELL, I see Victor is already advancing so he’s probably gonna eat this problem for me. 

-Aw don’t worry Goro, daddy loves you, dumb name and all ❤️

Signed, Komei Tellerman.

The people Wyatt brings home from work continue to be major blasts from the past. First Victoria’s lesbian crush and now.. THE HALF ALIEN ART PROFESSOR GUNTHER BANGED IN COLLEGE. WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE AND WHY ARE YOU A COP

-Well it turns out systematically exchanging grades for sexual favors is frowned upon or ‘grossly unethical’ and ‘illegal’ or whatever, so I decided it was time for a career change!

And naturally you chose the POLICE DEPARTMENT as your new professional home. Seeing as it’s the same place that made Wyatt chief it definitely makes sense.

There was a time,
I thought that you did everything right,
no lies, no wrong,
boy I, must’ve been outta my mind 💔

This asshole stuck around for a while and I wasn’t paying attention because Wyatt was dying as per us, but it turns out I should have because SHE STOLE OUR GNOME. Alien Prof this is low, even for you.

-As if I could pull off a heist like this, l can barely move I’m so sore from banging 18 year olds..

The pervy grandma shit ain’t gonna work in this house bitch!


-How dare you, you disgusting freak? First you take advantage of my innocent son and now this?? Well worry not, Buzz Grunt will be here shortly to pick your ass up!

-UGH please you crazy bitch, your slutty son came on to ME.

-Yes only to sleep his way through college, HE’S A UNION.

-OR he’s attracted to older women because all your kids ARE OEDIPAL FREAKS.




-Or don’t.


-HA so do I bitch, how did you think I became chief of police??

Honestly I kinda assumed that everyone in this line of work is extremely unqualified like our darling Wyatt, but yea I see your point now. 

-That was the most shameful experience of my life, I’m never going out again! This bathroom is my home now.

Ugh don’t be such a Victor, Vic, making a huge deal because you lost one fight out of 20. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

That’s my girl, take back what’s ours! And if you can’t don’t worry about it, we already have the charlatan as a replacement yard decoration. GO HOME DUDE

-Home is where the heart is.

I wanna call the police but then I remember that the police.. is Wyatt. So that tied itself in a neat little bow.



-And now I’m stealing it again! You don’t want to start a battle of wills with me, bitches, I can do this forever. Think I get 18 year olds in bed by giving up easy???

Lol is that supposed to impress us?? Newsflash bitch, we have survived a dozen affairs and getting 6 cats to the top of their careers, WE’LL SEE YOU IN HELL

While the gnome tragedy unfolds in the yard, a different tragedy entitled Shooting Blanks is unfolding upstairs. Honestly say what you want about Vic and Komei as parents/people in general but they were fertile as shit, and almost too much so, looking @ u Gunther. I don’t know whose fault this is but given his track record I’m obviously inclined to blame Wyatt.

-OH NO don’t look at moi, my needs are emerald green, it’s Jojό and his red fun!!



Boy would we ever! Thank you Amanda, I really needed a break, the vibe in the house is super weird right now. I mean Jojo and Wyatt are permanently tired and barely interact autonomously while at the same time- 


-We have rekindled our relationship at age 80! 

Well stop it ok?? You’ve barely tolerated each other for half a century and I was used to it, this lovey shit is freaking me out.

We hit Crypt O’ Night with the most iconic group of townies ever, literally all my favs are here: first off, the Goopster aka guaranteed good times.


Sup booboo, missed you!

-I know, I’ve been pretty swamped at work-

Yea we actually don’t have enough air time for an update on every rando’s life. Welcome to Hollywood.

Next up, Benjamin Long, back on the dating scene after his Kennedy break-up, megabitch Brandi Letourneau who is getting married in before this is over, and my second fav premade teen after Meadow, the very embodiment of misdirected teenage rage, SOPHIE MIGUEL. Just when I think this can’t possible get any better-

-GUESS WHO SHOWS UP. Looking good with your og maxis hair, Mar, are you feeling it?? I deleted the long mermaid one specifically so you wouldn’t have it lolol

-Ugh whatever, I still have Komei’s heart and that’s all that matters!

Yea you share that invaluable treasure with every cat in a 100 mile radius, congrats. 

-Aaaah, last time I was here was the old dude public orgy.. Those were the days.

Man I know, so many precious memories. Get sufficiently drunk and let’s make some new ones while we still can. Not to be an alarmist but you’re like.. 5 days away from dying?? Chop chop.

TIME TO PARTAAAY. And by partaaaay I mean pre-partay because the real party-

-begins now. I have big, BIG plans for tonight, mainly there’s 3 items I want to cross off our bucket list, the first one obviously being TO FUCK MARISSA UP.

-AHAHA who has maxis hair now bitch?? Oh how the tables have turned!


Whoa ok he just JERKED OFF the wolf Vic, please, this feud isn’t worth dragging Komei’s name through the mud.

WELL WELL WELL SOMEONE’S FEELING BRAVE TONIGHT. Ok you may have started it, Bendett..



Yea I may be too close to this, anyway GET HER

YES. Finally, our long awaited moment of catharsis. 


Let’s really not even think of that, let alone mention it. I still can’t believe all this is over Komei.

Beautiful!! Now to the next order of business..the one that got away, part 1.

Literally no comment @ this ridic double-bearding date, Benjamin seriously, there has to be a happy medium between dating your literal clone and this. Get help. Amanda get your shit together and then over here, cause you’re about to be..

..BUCKET LISTED. I’m feeling this almost as much as Rockabilly Russian Diplomat is. Haven’t seen you since you turned down Jojo and missed out on the chance of a lifetime. Just think, this elderly publicly-brawling-and-whoring-around woman could have been your mother in law! Bet you’re feeling pretty stupid now. Just as we’re done with item number 2, who walks through the door-

-BUT ITEM NUMBER 3 aka the one that got away pt 2! I thought we were gonna have to pathetically keep changing venues till we ran into him, but here he is all on his own. What kind of connection tbh?? I was so excited that I didn’t notice the sparkles at first thinking they were a club lighting effect, but then the unmistakable lag appeared and it dawned on me:

OF FUCKING COURSE. Loyal readers are well aware of the GWC aka the Good Witch Curse but basically this is the fifth time this laggy cockblock shows up the exact moment things get fun. My usual strategy is to immediately concede defeat and change lots, which doesn’t qualify as a strategy so idk why I called it that, but point is NOT TODAY SATAN. WE’VE WAITED HALF A LIFETIME FOR THAT VAMPIRE D

-Wow Count, long time no see, what has it been, 40, 50 years?? Anywhoozle, don’t even think about getting away this time cause it’s not happening.

-Haha aw Victoria, why would I want to get away?

Yea that’s a very good question, why did you get away last time you fucking loser?? We spent 12+ hours trying to seduce you and you wouldn’t even let us flirt above ‘charm’ and VIC WAS HOT AND YOUNG BACK THEN. No offense Vic.

Well obviously the Count likes them mature, good for him. I mean he’s def like a 100yo so he’s sticking to his own age group. 

-Let’s roleplay this hot scenario where I’m the vampire and you’re the helpless maiden!

-OH Victoria that’s always been my fantasy!

Love Brandi peacing out without finishing her meal, who can blame her. There’s only so much a person can keep eating through.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Congrats Vic, you officially have no unfinished business on earth! I mean apart from ensuring the family name carries on, which is kinda the whole point of this, but whatever, I’m not worried at all..

It’s not like Jojo and Wyatt are rapidly approaching middle age! 

-I’m once again ready to pass out so no chance of conceiving, but worry not, I earned 25k! 



-I have a new suprême ami :DD My choice in company is impeccablé!

Wyatt this feels like the right moment to let you know that I fucking hate you and you are the greatest evil that has ever befallen this family. No shade.

-UMMM bébés are not délivrer by storks?? 

And I kno-o-ow that I let you down, is it too late to say sorry now? ♪ @ Max Flexor.

Currently leading the category of ‘couples in this house likely to procreate’: Komei and Victoria.

Darkness falls.. A time for mystery, a time for intrigue, a time for gnome-related espionage..

..BUT MOSTLY A TIME TO CURSE WYATT’S NAME FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME. WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN CAUSE IT CERTAINLY WASN’T UNDER MY SUPERVISION. It’s painfully clear that Wyatt sensed his lame family aspiration had doomed him to being the one to experience the joys of pregnancy, so bitch waited till I wasn’t looking to go and pull this shit. What can I say except well fucking played, Wyatt.

-So, Wyatt, I don’t think we’ve ever actually interacted except for that time you almost burned both of us to death, but I just want to officially concede the biggest moron award to you. I mean permanently tying your life to that horrible monster by knocking him up, there’s just no competing with that. Congrats! I only pray I won’t be alive to meet your demonic spawn.

UGH don’t listen to him, Wyatt, this is a truly joyous occasion!

Something that Gunther obviously sensed from the other end of the neighborhood and randomly came to visit even though no one invited him.

-Can’t keep me away from a party!

Yea, thank god you didn’t miss this wild celebration. Seriously tf are you doing here?

-I came to see my mom! 


-Also I heard you had kittens! 

AWW- Wait, this new image you’re presenting is.. suspiciously wholesome. Like I want to believe you but it’s very hard to.

-Believe it, baby, I’m a changed man! I’ll even clean your pet house for free! 

-Aaand now I’ll just take this and be on my way.

OMFG GUNTHER!!! You, the gnome defender turned into a common thief???

-You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain babe.

Well I guess you are emotionally attached to this particular gnome so w/e, take it and gtfo.

-Nice thanks, there’s just one more thing I need to get, it’s super quick, let me just dash back inside for a min..



-Nop, I’m good! Later, bozos.


Ok guys Gunther deadass just escalated his criminal behavior from stealing gnomes to stealing living creatures in the span of 20 seconds, I’m legit concerned about him. Sex addiction, bubble addiction and now kleptomania, good luck Brittany! D’vorah reappeared on the end of the lot shortly after he walked off with her-

-while Victoria immediately set off to continue the never ending saga of the fucking gnome. You probably noticed the deathtrap reindeer deco, I never use it because sims can’t be trusted around it, but I’m really hoping for Wyatt to do me a solid and electrocute himself.

SECOND BUMP. Can’t believe this is finally happening, I legit thought that not only Komei and Vic wouldn’t live to see this but that I wouldn’t either.

The twins grew up! They’re adorbs and they look exactly the same apart from a slight difference in fur length which you really have to look for. As fun as pet genetic experiments are, I’m loving these super strong Alegra genes!

It’s Christmas and Wyatt is getting the shit slapped out of him by Daniel, which can only mean one thing.. NYE PARTY TIME

Also invited is Vic’s fav sidepiece, Malcolm, a fixture in all our social events. His presence is obviously extremely triggering for recent adulterer/recently-cheated-on Gunther. As much as I sympathize with what is def a complex position to be in-  


The yard portion of the party is going great!

The interior one.. is also going great, at least for me. SUFFER WYATT

All I wanted here was a cute new year’s kiss shot but apparently you can’t aim low enough in this family. DANIEL DO YOU MIND NOT CREEPILY WAITING TO BEAT UP WYATT FOR LIKE 1 MIN. CHRIST

-I’ll never forgive that monster for cheating on Jojo 10 years ago instead of patiently waiting for him to be done banging 2 other dudes. This marriage is a fucking sham and means nothing.

Merry Christmas from Daniel Union, everyone!

Nice, I’ve never experienced this in my own game before cause it looked so thoroughly unappealing in other people’s pics, and I def had a point.

OH FUCK FORGOT ABOUT THIS HELLISH CREATURE. Let’s all move inside slowly and let it tire itself out. If we’re extremely lucky maybe it will get ran over by a car or even better, Victor will come out just in time and eat it. There’s no surviving that stomach.

With one full minute left and the score inexplicably being a roof raiser..


-I cannot BELIEVE I’m the one doing this.

Yea I cannot believe it either, it’s extremely out of character. Where the fuck is your useless trickster husband??

OF COURSE. Got himself out of doing this and the rest is new phone who dis. You know what, w/e, I’m not letting you ruin my mood because FINALLY-

-WE HAVE A GIRL. Great job Jojo, and only Jojo. Wyatt you get no credit whatsoever, not that you give a shit as we’re going to be discovering in excruciating detail very soon. ANYWAY

Continuing the ‘whatever comes to mind first’ naming theme and in honor of Wyatt’s probably Arabic heritage (maiden name Monif!), I name our first born Shajar, after Shajar al-Durr, irl sultana of Egypt and awesome character to play in Crusader Kings. Welcome to the family, Shajar! My sincere condolences. 

I don’t know if it was done on purpose but i find it interesting that Raven, who hasn’t really shown any desire to be with her family thus far, has a semblance that would make it very easy for her to run the tribe while still being a part of her family’s lives.

Meanwhile Qrow, whose been shown to love his family dearly has a semblance that makes it incredibly dangerous for him to be around them.