someone-i-hate

anonymous asked:

hey you should create like an faq or a character synopsis page for this blog... or possibly both. I love this blog but rn it's kind unorganized and hard to navigate, especially on Mobile which is what I use 99.99% of the time.

//(( I actually dont know how to make a faq page (I SUCK at techy stuffs) and this blog was just meant to be like, domestic au fluff that I wanted to draw and im glad everyones enjoying it a lot but im getting really tired to keep it up even NOW but Im trying to so I hope you understand im just giving it as is n stuff//))

Fai

Picking up from where I left off months and months ago, Fai is the artpiece for the Deluxe Cover of Volume 4. Because I cheated I know we start to cycle through the side characters after this volume - meaning Mokona doesn’t get her own one, or at least not yet. Which is a bummer, but still, we have Fai. Sort of. 

If you remember the other covers (there’s a tag if you wanted to quickly recheck them) Syaoran, Sakura and Kurogane all differ from Fai’s art in that they all face us head on. Despite their drastically different poses they all stare straight at us and aren’t attempting to hide anything. This wasn’t important before because it was all in theme, but now we have Fai doing the opposite. His body is turned completely to the side, he’s partially hidden by his coat, and his head is tilted slightly to the side, denying us the “front on” look we had from everyone else. He isn’t even standing up, and while the other three had gorgeous backdrops that visually tied to an exact location, Fai’s is vague. He’s sitting on a massive outcropping of ice with no discernible “place” anywhere around him. While it’s easy to assume this is somewhere in his homeworld, it’s not something we’ve actually seen in the series before. It’s unfamiliar, it’s indistinct, and it’s perfect for showing how Fai differs from the rest of the cast. The others were easy to read, relatively simple to understand. Fai works hard to be the complete inverse of this. 

If you don’t look too closely the image is a relatively straight forward one. All the main signifiers for “Fai” are present: he has his coat, his magic staff, his limbs are hunched together because he has no idea how to sit down properly, and he’s smiling. But the smile should be the first clue that Fai is being less than straightforward here, because Fai smiles for a lot of reasons, and most of them are misdirection. Compared to Sakura’s (and even Kurogane’s) covers Fai’s smile barely seems like he’s trying; his lips are making the motion but his eyes look tired, maybe even disinterested. This is the Fai who sits atop a mountain of secrets and refuses to share any of them, hiding it all behind a fake demeanor and pretending they don’t exist. 

Following that train of thought, other things in the picture have the same thought process in mind. Unlike the others, who all held items that represented them but more importantly drew visual focus back towards them, Fai attempts the opposite. He holds the staff down and away from himself, deferring attention anywhere but himself; the staff draws focus down to its own elaborate decoration or else up to the blank top corner; the ice pillars split in the middle, drawing focus to either side; and in the middle of all this is Fai’s coat, not Fai himself. He’s off to the side, squashed between these three other elements and even contorting his limbs so that he’s visually taking up the least amount of space out of everything on the page. The other characters were on display in their covers, but Fai is in hiding. He’s using his own signifies to hide in plain sight, and even then he shows as little as possible, and its the biggest parallel to his own personality I’ve ever seen. Even his coat reflects this. It’s the same general pattern as his phoenix tattoo but it’s way more complicated. It’s a complex mess of tangled lines that make no clear patterns or images. It has an order to it, but it’s turned away at an angle that we can’t see the whole thing even if we wanted to. It’s a web, like the lies Fai tries to slip behind, and the longer you’re looking at it the less time you’re looking at Fai himself, which is exactly what he wants. 

On a meta level you know he’s doing this all on purpose. Technically he’s here, he’s participating, he’s smiling, but he’s doing it all so you don’t look too closely. He’s trying to subtly turn your attention anywhere else but at him - because there are parts of himself he doesn’t want anyone to see. He wants you to dismiss him as exactly what he appears to be, because if he doesn’t like who he really is then he’s sure that nobody else will. So he hides. 

He doesn’t know yet that he’s wrong.

They’ll warn you about how seeing him with a new girl will make you feel like your heart has been slit and how sick you’ll feel. They’ll tell you about how watching him hold her will cause your body to feel about thirty pounds heavier with the weight of your thoughts in your head. And of course they tell you about how much it will kill you to see his smile and not be the reason for it.

But no one ever told me about what could potentially happen after that. I was never warned about what would happen when he lost himself. No one ever told me what to do when he broke things off with her because he wasn’t happy. I didn’t know what to do when I watched him drink his youth away or when I heard stories of him kissing her best friend. No one ever warned me that I very well could be the reason he lost it even though he was the one that walked away. I feel so useless because I can’t make him see the hurt he’s causing himself.

No one ever told me what to do when he fell apart. So, I just sit here falling apart too.

—  I don’t know how to let it go.
I Miss You

Kuroo struggled, checking his phone for the millionth time, his battery now at 4%. It only added to his already heavily present anxiety.

Zero new messages.

Not a single phone call. Missed or otherwise.

What was he doing? What had they even been fighting about? All his stupid thoughts of ‘refusing to break first’ suddenly didn’t matter anymore. His fault, Tsukki’s fault, who cared? His heart clenched. Deep down he knew it was probably his own fault.

Fuck it.

He dialed the number that he knew by heart. It rang four times. He knew because he had counted.

“Hello,”

“Kei. Kei listen-”

“You’ve reached Tsukishima Kei. I’m currently unavailable. Please leave a message.”

Kuroo’s hand shook, and he nearly dropped the phone. Hearing the beep at the end of the line was like hearing an alarm go off, his nerves short circuiting. He couldn’t muster the strength to speak. His voice cracked, tears falling freely from his face. “Kei, I’m sorry. I don’t even…shit.” He inhaled, looking up at the sky, trying to hold in his tears, or push them back down, he didn’t know. “Please pick up. I-I know you’re there. Look we can…we can just…”

“Fuck Kei I’m so sorry. I…” his voice trembled, and so he stopped himself, rubbing his face with his free hand. “My phone’s about to die. I don’t know what to say. I have too much to say. I love you. Please just…even if you hate me, just tell me. Please just pick up the phone and tell me you hate me.”

“I hate you.”

Hearing his voice was an amazing thing. It sparked hope, that voice. By now, Kuroo had mastered Tsukishima speak. It relied heavily on separate intonations and emphasis on certain words. And from the way Kei had said those words, Kuroo knew that what he really meant was, I feel bad about this too.

“Kei! Kei, Jesus. I-”

“I know.”

You talk too much.

“I love you. More than anything.”

“We need to talk about this properly.” He said strictly.

I want to see you.

Kuroo nodded his head, before realizing that was a stupid thing, since no one was there to see him. “Anything! Say the word and I’m on the next train to Miyagi.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

Go, then.

Kuroo inhaled sharply once again. “I-I really do love you, Kei.”

There was a long pause. So long, in fact, that Kuroo thought his phone had shut off.

“You’re…” he heard Tsukki sigh on the other end, “You’re more trouble than you’re worth, you know.”

I love you too.

Tetsu laughed stupidly through his tears, “I know. I know I know.  I…fuck I wish I could hug you.”

He could almost hear Kei cringing through the phone. His answer, though, surprised him. 

“I’d like that.”

Kuroo stood, shocked and frozen in place. He almost didn’t know how to respond. Had Kei actually said those words?

“T-Tsukki? Really? You mean it? I can do that! As many as you want, Kei. Fuck,” he glanced at his watch, “I think the earliest train leaves at 7:30 tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds like you have a train to book then.”

Please hurry.

“I will! I’ll-”

He heard his phone click, and quickly checked the screen. It wasn’t the battery. Sure it was at 1%, the little icon in the corner of his phone blaring and flashing at him in red to CONNECT TO CHARGER, but his phone hadn’t dropped the call. Kei had hung up.

Kuroo smiled to himself. To anyone else it may have seemed rude. But one thing Kei hated more than anything was saying goodbye. So he never did. And this, cutting him off and hanging up on him, just before Kuroo’s phone had a chance to shut down completely—

Tetsu scoffed, shaking his head and smiling to himself.

That was Tsukishima’s way of saying I miss you.

And Kuroo heard it, loud and clear.

Suggestion

Please can fandom stop treating characters like football teams and start treating them like flavors of ice cream instead. If two characters on a show are in opposition, you’re not obliged to root for one and hate the other. It’s like having a cone with two different flavored scoops. You can like both! In fact, having both makes the ice cream better. Who wants to eat the same thing all the time?

And if there’s one flavor you like that someone else doesn’t? Eh. Maybe it’s not that they’ve totally failed to appreciate the many sterling qualities of peanut butter ice cream - maybe they’re just allergic to nuts.

SHE'S ALWAYS RUINED MY MOOD !!

Everytime i see at your abnormal face, i always feels like wanna punch something !!~ yeeerrrkkk !!~ did you ever think about how disgusting are you ???? ow shit !!~

Your short body, your stupid hair, your annoying voice, your act-try-to-be-cute !! it’s all very disgusting to me… !!! aarrghh !!

BUNNY WHAT ?? BUNNY WHAT ?? BUNNY WHAT ?? 

bunny not a nick that suits you!!!!

For the VALAR !! I Hate You the Most !! sjdhkdelgwgdiwbzbhdgeweydw!! =,=“