someone told me once

I could honestly bet that if you ask anyone what their biggest fear is in a relationship, it would be the past repeating itself.
Someone once told you “you don’t make me happy anymore” so you’re constantly wondering if you’re making the person you’re with now happy. Someone once cheated on you and now you can’t stop thinking about how that random person you saw comment on their picture or in the back of a snapchat. Someone once abused you and now you flinch any time they come at you just a little too quickly. Someone once told you that you were nothing without them, so you cling to the person you’re with because you feel you’d be nothing if they ever left you. Someone once walked away and never gave you a reason and now it’s been two hours and you’re freaking out because they haven’t responded.
The truth is, our past will never repeat itself. Things may happen to us that are incredibly similar, but everything is a lesson. Our past is meant to teach us, guide us, and shape us into the person we are truly supposed to be. So maybe you’re afraid of many things, but don’t let those many things ruin something great that might be sitting right in front of you. Your horrible past is never going to be worth losing an incredible future.

Someone once told me that human beings have three dimensions: how you see yourself, how others see you, and how you want others to see you. The closer the distance between the three dimensions, the more at peace you are and the more stable you become.
—  Marwa Rakha, The Poison Tree

someone once told me that “obsession isn’t the same thing as love” and tbh it shook me up and i still think about it because… do i even love??? or am i just obsessed with everything that i’m passionate about? because w bpd, when i love something, i become obsessed with it, so for someone to tell me that those two aren’t interchangeable really messed me up

Someone once told me I reminded him of autumn. If people were seasons, I’d be falling leaves and the smell of wet wood. He said even my perfume reminded him of the earth. I suppose in a way he was right. Autumn always reminded me of sadness - the trees crying gold, the wind sweeping them off the ground like pretty little yellow butterflies. No matter how beautiful it looked, everything was sleeping, almost dead, or maybe dreaming. Sometimes I feel like I’m withering away, other times I feel like I’m drifting somewhere I could be alive again. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to the idea of someone saving me. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who would call me spring, instead.

Autumn // Genefe Navilon

I don’t even know where to begin, if you had said to me last month I was going to meet Taylor Swift in October I would of called you crazy 😂 I just can’t believe this photo actually exists, I’m so grateful to have been invited to the secret session it was seriously the best night of my life and I will always cherish it 💛 I finally got to meet my idol, the person I have looked up to since 2008, she was exactly as I knew she would be, kind, humble, funny, generous, gorgeous and so much more 💖. She was so kind to me and instantly recognised me as soon as I walked through the door “Morgennnn I’m so glad you could make it” I will never forget those words, I never thought she actually knew who Is was but Taylor proved me wrong ☺️. She also told me she always associates me with the flower crown filter which I died when she told me as all my friends of hers call me “flower king” because of that 😂 I fell in love with her in 2008 and met her in 2017. Last month I was in a dark place, I had my first heartbreak I felt so lost and depressed for a long time but as soon as I received that message from Taylor Nation everything changed. Someone once told me that with every low comes a high and this is definitely that because I have never felt this happy in my life and will never stop thinking about it😊

Taylor thank you so much for inviting me into your home( which is beautiful btw) to hangout with you for a night and listen to Reputation early, which I am gonna say again is the best album you have created you have put your heart and soul into this album and just looked so happy when listening to it with us and just throughout the whole night, I’m just so happy for you ♥️ I cannot wait for everyone to hear Reputation and also can’t wait for you to win album of the year for the third time when the Grammys come around 😌 it’s gonna happen and I am so ready for it! And finally thank you so much for the friendships I have made from the Secret Sessions, I finally got to meet @ethereal-swiftness and @taylorsparklingswift who i had been friends with before the event, it was such a great surprise to see them and to freak out together throughout the whole night with 😄 Also I’m sorry for kinda freezing like a statue when meeting I was so awkward and just overwhelmed that all the thing I wanted to say to you I forgot to speak to you about and I didn’t even ask for a picture with just me and you which I kinda best myself up about as they were personal things I wanted to thank you for but I’m gonna make a post with all those things so please if it made by the fine you read this look on my blog for it it would mean so much to me if you knew.

Thank you so much again Taylor for everything. I love you so much Taylor it was truly enchanting to meet you, the memories of October 13 will stay with me forever, see you on tour!

Love from your Scottish Swiftie


Morgen 😘🌷🌺

Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees, until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders, until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will forge you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that there is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.  

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peaking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life than what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.
—  An open letter to myself, and to you. (Sometimes I write until I run out of words) ALightLitInTheDark
journaling ideas/inspiration

So here’s a list of thing to inspire you, some are for drawings and other are for writing or both

1. angels/gods/feathers/wings

2. once when I was in a dream someone told me…

3. parallel universes (I’m right here why can’t you see/hear me)

4. cut out shapes from images (”there’s something missing”)

5. winter/summer sky at 5pm/5am/10am… (colors cut out from magazines or painted with watercolors/acrylics/whatever)

6. moments right before the storm, when everything is flying around, grey clouds, unrest

7.too tired to think ( random thoughts/pictures that go through my head right before I fall asleep)

8.illustrate a dream you had

9. what do you believe in ( about life/death, what comes after, meaning of it all…)

10. the butterfly effect

11.draw same thing in different mediums/ with left and right hand

12. favorite movie/series (favorite quote from it, scenes, how it made you feel)

13. what do you think about when you’re laying in dark,empty room

14. abandoned buildings/ playgrounds, empty train stations/parks, old houses

15. places where no one has been in a while and a nature got to it and grew all over the walls and floor, shattered glass, spider webs, sun rays shining through tree branches

these are just ideas and pictures in my mind I haven’t yet managed to put on paper and if anyone decides to use some of them and posts please tag me I’d like to see how you imagined it :)

if you like it let me know, I might make another one

Track-By-Track Guide to 'How To Be A Human Being'

“Life Itself”
This one actually started off as a dark, slow, moody track. Quite insular. But eventually we realized there was a cheekiness to the lyrics that we hadn’t really explored, so we injected a sense of optimism into the music. The character that this track is about is a sci-fi obsessed dude who spends most of his time alone inventing strange things and writing stories about ray guns or looking for aliens on Google maps. We made him a website. But that’s what the chords and sound effects were inspired by. Old sci-fi films/series. I also got a bit obsessed with Lollywood music (music from Pakistani films), and thats where the idea for the drums came from.

“Youth”
The idea for this one came from a story someone told me once. They were telling me about their child, and something awful had happened to them. She was crying—but at the same time the memories that they had from that previous life made her so happy—so she was also smiling. That combination of emotions kind of made me feel like my heart was being ripped apart but also optimistic in a weird way. She had found a way to see happiness in this awful thing that had happened to her. That combination of emotions is what this song is getting at. Have a look at this character’s website, too.

“Season 2 Episode 3”
Everyone knows someone like the character from this song. If you don’t, then it’s you. But there are lots of references to different psychedelic cartoons in this one—sonically and lyrically—including Adventure Time. That show is crazy.

“Pork Soda”
I heard a homeless man talking to someone once and say ‘pineapples are in my head.’ In retrospect, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t actually those words, but I thought it was at the time, and it kind of stuck with me. The opening of the song is meant to sound like you’re outside on the street, and you can hear a group of people chanting this song. The drum sounds are made from old bins and trash pieces of metal I found around the studio. Kind of like those street drummers use. All that is meant to set the scene for the story.

“Mama’s Gun”
I don’t use samples very often. I only like using them if they bring something to the table, aside from just music—a context and a further depth to the actual meaning of the song. This song is mainly about mental health, and I remembered this song by The Carpenters called “Mr. Guder.” It fit the atmosphere musically, while the song “Mr. Guder” itself was about an odd character of sorts, and then on top of that, Karen Carpenter’s story added another dimension to the lyrics. if you don’t know the story, you should look it up. It’s important and very sad, and it started a general social dialogue about mental illness which is to this day still a subject matter that we avoid far too much.

“Cane Shuga”
This is the only track on the record that didn’t start with lyrics and vocal melody. It started with the beat and the heavy drums. I let the beat spin and wrote stream of consciousness lyrics through a vocoder for this one to try to capture a certain mentality you might have when you’re a bit fucked up. When you start speaking what seems like gibberish—but maybe that gibberish is actually quite revealing.

”[Premade Sandwiches]”
This is a spoken word interlude. My favorite word in the album is in this: “McFuck.” It’s something that someone’s gotten at McDonald’s. Here it is used in a sentence: “What the McFuck are you eating?”

“The Other Side Of Paradise”
This is musically my favorite track on the record, I think. The chords are quite bizarre, and there are some mad arrangement and structural things going on. And the beat was super fun to make. It’s gonna be fun live!

“Take A Slice”
This track is about someone with a lot of lust. It’s as sleazy as I’ll ever get in lyrics. But everyone has that inside them somewhere, even if it’s only a tiny bit. And it comes out from time to time. For some people, it’s out all the time.

“Poplar St”
This song is meant to open with a kind of musical/lyrical image of a place. A little guitar hook and a floating vocal line that all seems quite peaceful, but things get more and more twisted as the song goes on. The guitar starts doing weirder things, the music builds tension, and then the whole thing flips on it’s head at the end. And you find that maybe that place isn’t what you first expected it was.

“Agnes”
As soon as I started writing it, I knew it would be the album closer. This is my favorite song on the record. And the saddest song I will ever write.

Someone once told me that we’ll never really be stable or “ready” for a relationship, that you need to let things happen when you love someone, and when you love someone sometimes you need to go out of your comfort zone to be with them to discover the true beauty of a relationship, and that really opened my eyes

Someone once told me to always live for the little things in life. Live for 5am sunrises and 5pm sunsets where you’ll see colours in the sky that don’t usually belong. Live for road trips and bike rides with music in your ears and the wind in your hair.

Live for days when you’re surrounded by your favourite people who make you realise that the world is not a cold, harsh place. Live for the little things because they will make you realise that this is what life is about, this is what it means to be alive.