Where to begin?
I was under the impression that all things were calm and quiet after spending most of Saturday at the hospital with my sister. Her SO flew back to California. Round four of chemo finished. In a few days my sister will have radiation on her chest, later another bone marrow biopsy. She’s in good spirits, considering. We left her last night around 9pm and I made my three hour trip back to the city. It felt fine to be away. I felt hopeful. It lasted for about seven hours.
This morning I received a barrage of texts from my parents culminating in calling *me* an “impossible ass” “for supporting a ped*ph*le over your mother who has devoted her life to her kids. I may not know everything but I know that someone that old who can be Leah’s mother taking advantage of her innocence and depriving her of her youth and introducing her to all kinds of psychotic drugs is evil and a parent will fight to death to keep that evil away from her child.”
The “ped*ph*le” comment is in reference to my sister’s SO being older than she is. She certainly isn’t old enough to be her mother. My sister was 22 when they met, and 23 when they started dating, which to me is hardly part of “childhood,” although my parents still babied her before she was diagnosed with this rare and aggressive leukemia, so I can almost see where they are coming from with these comments. The drugs comment, I’m imagining is about my sister’s anxiety meds and antidepressants. At the hospital, the doctors took her off of them and switched her to Ativan, said that would be better for her. I’m not clear on what made our parents think Leah’s SO had anything to do with her prescriptions, when she got them from her therapist in the Bronx.
I am also not entirely sure how me staying out of my sister’s romantic choices while she is literally fighting for her life in the bone marrow transplant unit translates to me SUPPORTING her partner over my mom and dad. I’ve met this person three times since March, only inside of the hospital.
I told my dad if he’s not careful, when all of this is over, he’ll have lost two of his children. He said “I love you sweetie even when you’re being naive.”
I’ve suggested talking to a counselor/mediator/mental health professional at the hospital, together, as a family. My parents are Not Interested.
Dealing with them, plus Leah’s cancer, plus being her stem cell donor, holding down a very full time job, and keeping my life from falling apart at the seams…maybe someone else could do it gracefully. I am not that person. I’m a mess.