the first time, you don’t understand.
“got into trouble?” you ask,
your smile hunger-sharp;
you and your brother
love with curses and fists
and you can’t imagine not choosing a fight:
you, a snake
you, a lit fuse
you, a carrion bird.
“yes,” he says, dry as dust
and looks away from you. what an asshole, you think, because
you’re still telling yourself
the boy you like is
a boy to despise
a nothing, a no-one,
a handful of dirt.
the second time, his lip’s swollen
crimson; a cut on one side
siren song to your mouth. what happened to you, you want to ask,
your heart a crazed bird in your
ribcage; but even bloodied, you want
to kiss his lips
so you knot your tongue
into “what happened to you, loser?”
he stares you dead in the eye
and he says: “i fell”
and he knows you know it’s a lie
and he wants you to feel the
insult of it,
bitter sharp in his honey accent.
later, you learn
how your jagged pieces fit
your father: gaping absence and lovely dreams.
his father: looming presence and hateful hands.
you tell yourself you don’t like him, but
you would take every hit for him.
the third time, he doesn’t come to school
you go see him with your friend, who is also
his friend, aflutter with worry and care.
you bite leather and paint your face stony,
your insides roiling and sick.
the boy you like is green and blue and black,
a kaleidoscope of hurt.
you hate him for putting that hurt
in your heart, as well, but
wear the bruise like
a badge of honor.
your friend asks him why don’t you want to leave
and gets no answer; but
you do, because he’s
not looking hard enough and
you are always looking.
the boy you like says nothing
but his sky eyes
and his clenched hands
and every blue-black flower on his face
scream the answer loud enough
to burn cities to the
The fact that Lexa was the one fucking dying. She was the one that had just been shot, and she was bleeding out and dying on the bed, and she was the one to tell Clarke not to be afraid. You can tell by her voice that, despite what she has said in the past, she is terrified, and yet the first thing she says to Clarke is ‘Don’t be afraid’. The first thing she says to Titus is to make him promise not to try to harm Clarke again. She has just been shot by this useless motherfucker and she just wants to make sure that Clarke is safe because she knows she won’t be there to make sure. She was trying to comfort and protect Clarke literally with her last breath.
Lexa was too good for this entire fucking world I’m still emotional about it.