someone needs to stop me

anonymous asked:

How many jokes do you think Gabe has about that statue? :D:D

BRUH I WROTE THIS TO A FRIEND LIKE AN HOUR AGO:

Them (reading the comic): JFC GABRIEL WITH THE “i’m not the one with the statue” LINE

Me: PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR SHIT.  HIS HELLA CASUAL SHRUG

Like:  “lol sorry babe, you got that shiny sculpture on the front lawn, not me, I'mma go have a beer and then take a nap. Wake me up when our cowboy son gets home so I can give him a hug, kks thaaaaanks, Jack - good luck out there ‘breadwinner.’”

——–

But also consider:

Gabe, staring at the statue: did they sculpt your dick too
Jack: jfc Gabe it’s fucking 5:30 am and I haven’t had coffee yet
Gabe: have you ever made that pose in your life
Jack: I’m going back to sleep
Gabe: I miss when your hair was that thick
Jack: I miss when you actually had hair
Gabe: Imma graffiti “Jack sux” on it
Jack: Not “Jack sux dick” on it?
Gabe: …
Jack: …
Gabe: What would I ever do without you?
Jack: fall apart probably

———

Jack: oh hey we’re actually under our budget this month.  Maybe we can buy a treat for the agents - 
Gabe: *unrolls blueprints for a Commander Reyes statue that’s like a foot taller than Jack’s*
Jack: …
Gabe: …
Jack: …this height isn’t accurate at all.
Gabe: just wait until you see Rein’s blueprint

———

Gabe: …I think I figured it out.
Jack: what
Gabe: you’re literally my trophy husband
Jack: …
Gabe: only your trophy is like fifteen feet tall and really difficult to move
Jack: …have you tried to do that?
Gabe: … listen
Gabe: the current position really fucks with the aesthetic of the front garden
Jack: …have you asked Reinhardt for help yet?
Gabe: oh no, good call

———

Post-Recall:

Reaper: …you think we can tear that eyesore down yet?
Soldier: 76: …only if we burn it too
Reaper: …
Soldier: 76: …
Reaper: what would I ever do without you?
Soldier: 76: are you serious
Reaper: oh wait

2

‘Well, I’ve lost most of my possessions… people take them and hide them, you know. But as it’s the last night, I really do need them back, so I’ve been putting up signs.’
‘How come people hide your stuff?’ Harry asked her, frowning. ‘Oh… well…’ she shrugged. ‘I think they think I’m a bit odd, you know. Some people call me Loony Lovegood, actually.’

Keith: Me had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!

Lance: Nope don’t remember, didn’t happen!

Keith, internally: