Translation from Naruhodo Fanbook
I felt like doing some translation for my own enjoyment so I grabbed my Naruhodo fanbook and picked this amazing scene out from the character blog section in the back. This was written by Takumi Shuu as promo material for the original trilogy back in 2005.
Mayoi: Hey, hey Naruhodo-kun! Did you hear?
Naruhodo: Hear what? You look awfully excited.
M: Apparently we’re finally gonna make our American debut!
N: Oh, you mean the English version, huh?
M: And apparently the setting is, get this, the crime capital, Los Angeles! Isn’t it exciting?!
N: …Don’t let anyone from Los Angeles hear you call their city that. They’ll get mad.
M: Well, they have a saying there: “If you toss a rock into a crowd, it’ll hit a criminal.”
N: You do realize that the second you throw a rock into a crowd, you yourself are a criminal, right?
M: You know, Naruhodo-kun. Something about you just doesn’t do it for me…
N: Wh-what do you mean?
M: It’s your face. It wouldn’t fit the image of “the crime capital.” You’ve gotta at least dye your hair blond.
M: Ah! Come to think of it, there’s an old saying in my village.
N: Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.
M: Let’s see, they say if you wash your hair with beer, it’ll turn blond!
M: It’s a saying that’s been passed down for years, but no one’s tried it out yet.
N: All you’d need is one person to try it to know whether it’s true… That’s not much of a mystery.
M: Just wait a sec, ok? I’m gonna go buy some beer.
N: ….Um, you know, Mayoi-chan, I feel like I should just give you a heads up.
M: Hmm? about what?
N: You know this doesn’t mean we’ll be going to America ourselves, right?
M: What?! No way! Seriously?!
N: The name of the main character in the English version isn’t even “Naruhodo Ryuuichi”.
M: Aw come on! What’s his name, then?!
N: Um, if I remember correctly, it’s Phoenix Wright.
M: …Your name got changed to “Feenicks”?
N: What’s that face for?
M: I mean, look at you! You don’t look like a “Phoenix” at all.
N: You don’t think so? Personally, I think I’ve got some birdlike qualities.
M: In that case, I think they should’ve gone with “chicken” for you. Chicken lawyer.
N: Mayoi-chan… You’re in a weirdly combative mood today.
M: And you’re not nearly bright enough to earn the name “Light”
N: I’m pretty sure “Wright” and “Light” are two different words. Probably.
M: What about “Rice” instead?
N: Um, what?
M: Forget Phoenix Wright. Go with Chicken Rice.
N: Who the heck would ever name their kid that?
M: Or maybe “Fried” would be good. Chicken Fried.
N: Well, what would your name be, Mayoi-chan?
M: Me? Let’s see… My name’s Mayoi, so how about “Mayonnaise”?
N: …That actually might suit you pretty well.
M: I’m a fan of mayonnaise.
N: Chicken Fried and Mayonnaise… We sound like a pretty high calorie pair.
M: More like a delicious pair.
N: Come to think of it, what do you think Mitsurugi’s name should be?
M: Let’s see… His name is Mitsurugi Reiji, so… How about “Ray G. Mituroogi”?
N: Huh. That’s unexpectedly straightforward.
M: But it gives you a sense of his pickiness, don’t you think? Especially the “Mituroogi” part.
N: Either way, I’m pretty sure they’ll make his name totally different.
N: ? What’s up? You’re weirdly quiet all of a sudden.
M: I might’ve just thought of something amazing.
N: What’s that?
M: The perfect crime… in Los Angeles.
N: Perfect crime… You?
M: So there’s a lawyer who looks exactly like you over there in the Crime Capital, right?
N: I guess. Mr. Phoenix.
M: So for example, you could go to a restaurant and eat a whole bunch of food, like chicken rice and fried chicken with mayonnaise on it.
N: Yes, I can see it now…
M: Then when the bill comes, you can tell them you forgot your wallet at home. When someone from the staff grabs you by the scruff of your neck, you shout “I AM PHOENIX!”
N: …When I picture that scene, it looks like some serious carnage took place there.M: And then they’ll send the bill to that Attorney Phoenix guy, see?
N: …I feel like attempting a crime like that would get you stoned by someone.
M: And I could eat all the miso ramen I wanted too!
N: Unfortunately, I don’t think they have miso ramen in America.
M: Really? You think? …I wonder what American me’s favorite food is, then.
N: Who knows?
Voice: Excuse meee!
M: Oh, there’s someone at the door. Comingggg!
Delivery man: Um, I have something here for the Naruhodo and Co. Law Offices… Ah, for a Miss Mayoi. Is that you?
M: Y-yes, that’s me. What is it?
D: I work at the restaurant Burger Land, and I have a bill here for you.
M: “15 Triple Burgers at 4,500 yen a piece”… Th-this wasn’t me!
D: Sorry, but it was definitely you. You came to our shop, stuffed your mouth with burgers, and shouted “I AM MAYOI,” spraying food everywhere!
M: They got us first, Naruhodo-kun.
N: Sounds like the American you likes burgers, huh?