someone listen to me and give me notes

Fic Rec - The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had in My Entire Life... Or Death)

The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had in My Entire Life… Or Death) by LovingCup (@iamjaggerme​ on Tumblr)

AU- After dying in a vehicle accident, Louis Tomlinson arrives in the Afterlife. Not Heaven and certainly not Hell, Louis finds himself in Judgment City UK: a pristine city  where the food and entertainment are divine and the newly departed must undergo a Review of their life on Earth to determine if they have lived a life worthy of advancement in the universe, or if they must be returned to Earth to be born again in a new body.

On his first full day in the Afterlife, Louis meets Harry Styles, and the two have an instant connection. Over the course of their Reviews, Louis and Harry fall in love and they begin to find that even though they didn’t know each other on Earth, they are nonetheless linked to one another in the most perfect ways. Both are hoping to move ahead in the universe together, but they are challenged with the threat of separation if one or both of them is sent back to Earth to be born again.

Loosely based on the Albert Brooks’ film “Defending Your Life” starring Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep. One scene in particular is taken heavily from the movie, but other than that scene and the general concept, this story veers far far away from the film. There were no blowies in the 1991 movie, I swear!

PLEASE do not let the length of this fic scare you off, it is sooo worth the lengthy read!! (and don’t let the length of this fic rec scare you off either, I just can’t help rambling about this fic!)

So this fic, y’all. THIS FIC!! 

From the get-go with this fic, I was hooked. I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I sobbed, I cheered, I sighed, I cooed, I giggled, I had light-bulb moments, I was on the edge of my seat,, I was invested in the characters, I was rooting for them, and I just could not stop reading. The writing is amazing!

There’s love, there’s angst, there’s drama, there’s fighting, there’s laughter, there’s communication, there’s miscommunication, there’s romance, there’s dread, there’s happiness, there’s sappiness, there’s dread, there’s relief, there’s hope.

(Those aren’t in order, teehee!)

I’m a fast reader, ok? Especially when I read fic. I blow through it, skim some sections, and generally don’t retain much. Reading a WIP doesn’t bother me because I’ll just read it again later and not really remember details about what I read before.

BUT THIS FIC!

There are so many little details and clues that the author has put into the writing. As I was reading, I had theories about what might happen, how a detail I just noticed might come into play later, or I’d go back and re-read something because I picked up a detail later on that had me re-evaluating something. But it’s not overloaded that you feel like you have to study the fic in order to follow it. I want to talk to other people and compare notes about this fic. Did someone else pick up on details I didn’t? It’s entirely possible and I wanna know!

I started reading this fic a few months ago, and ever since, it has stuck with me. I’ve still been going on to anybody who would listen how great this fic is and that they should read it!

There are several quotes that I absolutely love, but I’ll just give you this non-spoilery one:

“Oh come on now. Don’t play coy. I use forty-eight percent of my brain, remember? I know that you know that your ass is one of your best features. Hell, you probably walk into rooms backwards just so that ass of yours can enter first.”

If anybody wants to chat about this fic, I am MORE than willing! My messages are open!!

Black Friday Hell

So I wish I found this blog sooner, but this will have to due! I work at a very popular clothing chain store in Tysons Corner. This is in Virginia, and one of the biggest malls in the country. The new metro line attaches to the mall so on Black Friday, we had double the usual crowd of people as on previous Black Fridays.

I’m working register and have been since 5 in the morning (it was now noon and almost time for my break). The special sale we had going on was 50% off everything. This is huge because normally things like leather, cashmere and our expensive coats are excluded from promotions. These were not this time.

So on my final customer before break, the woman brings up a full price coat. I don’t remember the exact price, so to simplify this, we’ll say it cost $300. So I ring her coat up, enter our promo code in and it drops to $150. Great right?! Nope. I was wrong.

“That price is wrong!” I look at the female customer and she is glaring at me and jabbing the screen. I think I may have entered the code in wrong, so I delete the transaction and start over. (Note the coat is the ONLY item she wants) I ring it up again. Again $150.

“That’s still not right! Don’t you know how to work this?! Why hire someone so incompetent!?” I’m to tired to even give a shit she’s insulting me. “Ma'am no this is the price.”

She keeps glaring and yelling at me. “No it’s not! It’s $300!” She keeps yelling, ranting and cussin at me so I cal the manager over. He tried to explain it was on sale but she wouldn’t listen. He gave up and told me to charge her full price. “Finally someone competent enough to understand this!” I ring her up, hand her the bag and we’re done I think. Nope! Wrong again!

Two weeks later she comes in yelling how we stiffed her $150, how we should have told her it was on sale, how we were all morons. My manager wouldn’t refund her the money since it had been two weeks and he won’t price match. Sadly she keeps coming in and every time it’s hell but we force ourselves to smile and get her out as fast as possible.

He Chooses You

Happy to say this is my first request! Thank you so much, I’m really excited.

 MASTERLIST

Quidditch was never my thing. I just didn’t enjoy the fact that Hogwarts had people dangling hundreds of feet in the air, hitting balls and each other in occasions, just for entertainment.

We were all in the great hall. I sat myself in between Draco and Pansy and began to pick at my food.

“So, y/n…” Draco started, “Are you coming to my game later today? Pansy said she’s going, you can sit next to her,” he stated, a small smirk played on his face.

Draco played this game. A game he he flirted with both me and Pansy. At first I was extremely mad because I genuinely like Draco but now, I’m determined to beat Pansy. I never lose.

I frowned. “Draco, I can’t. I have to finish that potion’s essay. I haven’t even started,” I explained. I turned to Pansy who was sitting on the left side of me. Se smiled at me.

“Well, that’s too bad,” she said. She batted her eyelashes at Draco. “Well, you can always count on me Drakey-Poo.”

Drakey-Poo? There are some things I will never understand about Pansy.

“Draco,” I reassured, “You know if I could be there I would.” I took a mouthful of food into my mouth and waited for a response.

Draco shrugged. “I know. Just expected you to be there…” he confessed.

At this Pansy smiled even more. “Aw, Drakey. Don’t worry, you’ll always have my support, baby!” She stretched out her arm and pinched Draco cheek from across me.

He smiled but before he could say anything else Dumbledore quieted down the students. He stood in front of everyone with a gracious pose that I secretly admired.

“Students,” He started, “I think it’s time for you to know about a Hogwarts tradition we’ve haven’t been doing in a long time but, I think would be nice to reappear.. ” All the children murmured, asking themselves what he was taking about. “This year, all quidditch players will be required to give their old uniform to someone special to wear at the game today.” He spoke, “Consider it, a lucky charm.”

That’s all he said before he returned back to the teachers, smiles on their faces as they looked over to the buzz of the children.

Every started to go back to their dorms, getting ready for the game later this afternoon.

Pansy immediately sprung to her feet. “Drakey,” she said in a soft voice. “Who will you be giving your shirt too?” she asked as she snaked her arms around Draco.

“Someone…” he said, not giving her a second glance as he walked by my side back to the slytherin common room.

When we got there, Pansy insisted again. “C'mon Drakey, you can tell me.” We all sat down on the couch and I pulled out my textbook from under it, starting to look for the pages we’ve be reviewing in class to start my essay. “Pleaseeeee,” she whined.

“Pansy, will you shut up. I’m doing my work!” I demanded. It was getting really annoying having to hear Pansy suck up to Drake day and night, all  did was suck up to him, not that he did anything to stop it.

“You’re just mad because he will definitely pick me to give his jersey too and not you!” she shot back.

I stood up from my seat, my work well discarded. “Pansy, do you really think Draco will pick someone like you? You’re so annoying and mean to everyone!” I glared at her as then she stood up.

Draco’s eyes got wide as he stared at us. He slowly stood up as well, taking note of the awkward situation.

“Tell her Drakey,” Pansy spat, “Just tell her you want to go with me!”

“I- uh,-”

“No,” I said. “Well, I uh,” he stuttered. He fixed his neck tie and coughed a bit. “The person I want to give my uniform too is someone really beautiful. She’s amazing. She’s a great listener and really understands me. I’ve actually kind of liked her for a while…” he explained.

Pansy nodded with a smile, sure that it was her. “Go on, Drakey…” she said.

I prayed in my head that the girl was me. I know it was selfish, but I want Draco all to myself.

“What’s her name?” Pansy asked again, with more urgency.

“Her name is…” he inhaled with a smile, “y/n…”

I couldn’t stop the smile on my face as Pansy shrieked and stomped upstairs to her room, grumbling things on the way.

“Draco…” I breathed out with smile. “Bu if you liked me, why lead Pansy on?” I asked.

Draco smirked. “Just wanted to push your buttons,” He answered with a gorgeous laugh as I rolled my eyes playfully.

“Well,” I said, “I like you too.”

Draco smiled momentarily before frowning. “Too bad you have potions homework to do, I really would’ve liked you to go to the game,” He confessed.

I giggled. “What potions homework?” I asked playfully as I kicked the textbook back under the couch. “I have a game to get too.”

Kame Radio Tidbits 2016.12.31

Fanmail: Good morning Kame-chan. I’m a 4th grade boy. During the 10Ks concert, I wore the Sekai Ichi Tame ni Naru Tabi outfit my mom made. Her birthday is in January. Can you say Happy Birthday to my mom, who loves Kame-chan? I’m also eagerly waiting to talk to Kame-chan

Kame: He sent a photo ne, that’s awesome. The name badge says “Kame-chan Fan” [Translator’s Note: It says “Kame-chan tantou” which literally means “in charge of Kame-chan”]
Boy: (Mom handed him the phone) Hello?
Kame: Hello, this is Kamenashi. What were you doing just now?
Boy: Is this Kame-chan?
Kame: Yes it is, thank you for coming to 10Ks. What were you doing?
Boy: I was taking a bath
Kame: (Has conversation about the bath) It’s your mom’s birthday right? Kame-chan is going to congratulate her, so tell me her name?
Boy: (Hands phone to mom without answering)
Mom: Hello?
Kame: Eh? *LOL* (Wishes her Happy Birthday)
Mom: Thank you so much!

- - - - - - 

Fanmail: There is someone I started liking in 2016. Here at the end of 2016, I’d like to convey my feelings to that person!

Kame: Hello Sakura-chan, this is Kamenashi Kazuya no Hang Out
Fan: *flails* Eh?? You’re kidding!
Kame: By the way, what are you doing right now?
Fan: I was taking a bath
Kame: Everyone’s taking a bath ne *LOL*. There seems to be a lot of people taking a bath *LOL*. (Advises her to use a towel and not catch a cold). How old are you?
Fan: 17
Kame: Oh 17?
Fan: No that’s not true, I’m 16
Kame: 16 years old? Why did you tell a small lie like that?
Fan: Because like, I’m going to be 17
Kame: There’s someone you started liking in 2016
Fan: Yes
Kame: Well then please give that person a message
Fan: *shyly* It’s Kamenashi-kun
Kame: Ohh! Me?
Fan: Yeah
Kame: You started liking me in 2016? What was the cause?
Fan: Probably because of Yamaneko
Kame: “Probably”
Fan: Well, my friend likes KAT-TUN. And then a bunch of us who like Johnny’s sang karaoke together. I originally liked Arashi, but then, you know, we sang a bunch of different songs. When I heard KAT-TUN, it was like, aren’t they so kakkoii! Around December I started listening to KAT-TUN’s songs, I felt like I was falling for Kamenashi-kun [Translator’s Note: Not certain about this last phrase, I can’t hear it clearly]
Kame: Oh that makes me happy
Fan: And when I watched Yamaneko, it was like “Oh so cute!” *giggles*
Kame: Cute huh, *LOL*. The 16 year old Sakura-chan thinks I’m cute
Fan: You know how at the end of the last episode, all that happened, and after the fighting was finished and the silliness started. Even though everyone else was like, “Ah Kamenashi-kun! Oh the plot turned out like that??” Meanwhile I was thinking by myself, Kamenashi-kun is super cute right now~
Kame: *LOL*

Keep reading

Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 56 truths about you. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

TAGGED BY : @e1mayarah
TAGGGING: @girlcftomorrow, @indiekara, @biologicalengineer, @heckcdup, @roltikkonn, @siiobhansmythe, @nctwearingthat, @inze, @im-a-hawker, @marsdin (i think that’s ten? idk. do it if you want :))

Muse: Winslow “Winn” Schott, Jr.

WHAT WAS YOUR:

Last Beverage: sprite!
Last phone call: james.
Last text message: james.
Last song you listened to: that’s what i like by bruno mars. i like knowing someone shorter than me is capable of being so cool. gives me hope. and it’s a bangin’ song.
Last time you cried: like, a week ago.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: nah.
Been cheated on: no, unless any of my past girlfriends have something to tell me.
Kissed someone and regretted it: mhm.
Lost someone special: yep.
Been depressed: life isn’t exactly always sunshine lollipops and rainbows, kids.
Been drunk and threw up: it was one time.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

blue, forest green, and sun yellow.

LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: sure have.
Fallen out of love: no yes.
Laughed until you cried: yep.
Met someone who changed you: i think things have changed me rather than people, if i’ve been changed at all..
Found out who your true friends are: yep.
Found out someone was talking about you:
 i’m sure it happens even though i’ve never actually caught wind of it.

FIRSTS:

First surgery: had my appendix out when i was six. 
First piercing: no piercings, thanks.
First best friend: connor pearson was my best friend from preschool until i moved schools when i was eleven.
First sport you joined: i played soccer until i was eleven. i wasn’t terrible.
First vacation: boston, when i was four or five. i don’t remember.
First pair of trainers: i dunno, i’m sure i was wearing sneakers when i was real little.

RIGHT NOW:

Eating: cereal.
Drinking: apple juice.
I’m about to: go do my super cool job.
Waiting for: i ordered some socks off amazon, and they haven’t come yet.

YOUR FUTURE:

Want kids: yep.
Get married: it’d be nice.
Career: fingers crossed i’ve still got my DEO position…

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes.
Hugs or Kisses: i’m a fan of both. i get more hugs, though.
Shorter or Taller: most people are taller than me anyways, so i think my opinion here is irrelevant.
Older or younger: age is but a number. unless we’re talking romance, in which case i like to keep everything legal. and while i respect the elderly i don’t think my ideal future of getting married and having kids will work out there.
Romantic or Spontaneous: either one.
Nice stomach or nice arms: is this important…?
Sensitive or Loud: a bit personal, don’t you think?
Hook-up or relationship: relationship. i wouldn’t say i’m clingy, but i think i get too attached to people for a hook-up.
Trouble maker or hesitant: trouble maker? like, a criminal? i’ve had enough of those, thanks.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: nope.
Drank hard liquor: yep.
Lost glasses/contacts: i’ve lost way too many contacts to even count.
Sex on first date: maybe. personal details here, guys.
Broke someone’s heart: i’ve always been on the receiving end, i think.
Been arrested: only technically. there was an unsigned warrant, and it was for something i didn’t even do, so i’m not counting that.
Turned someone down: again, i think i’ve always been on the receiving end here.
Cried when someone died: yep.
Fallen for a friend: mhm.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: sometimes.
Love at first sight: can i say i believe in like at first sight? or connection at first sight? i’ll go with that second one.
Heaven: nah. i don’t really know what to believe when it comes to after death. frankly it freaks me out.
Santa Claus: i did, until aforementioned former best friend spoiled the secret when we were nine.
Kiss on the first date: if it’s right, sure.
Angels: i guess i believe in living people personifying angels? if that makes sense?

anonymous asked:

I thought so you fucking coward

Listen honey, I don’t give a fuck if someone makes fun of me for liking SPN. Why? Because it’s a show NOT aimed for children. Cars is fucking Disney. As a fan of Cars I didn’t know there was an actual fandom for it. Which I thought was kinda weird, kinda cool. So I made a comment about. And trust me when I say, I wasn’t bashing you. You don’t know me. I wasn’t attacking you. Anyone that knows me in the slightest knows that. Also side note, it’s hilarious that you’re calling ME a coward. Whatcha doing on anon, sweetheart?

anonymous asked:

Omg thank you so much for completing the request in a day<3 Can i get a reaction when you tell them you want to quit schooling and just want to keep loving them ㅋㅋ -🐧

(You’re welcome ^-^! Thank you for your request sweetheart!!!)

Jinhwan: “Have you lost your mind? You need to study.”

Yunhyeong: “Stop saying nonsense. You can love me and study at the same time.”

Bobby: “You need to study so you can achieve your dreams. Like I achieved mine while loving you.”

B.I: “No no. I want to date someone with some quality content on their head.”

Donghyuk: “I don’t have to listen to this nonsense.”

Junhoe: “I am flattered you want to dedicate yourself to me, but think about you more please.”

Chanwoo: “That is kinda creepy, you know…Giving up everything to love me..Scary…Don’t say stuff like that.”


(note: gifs are not mine.)

TOEFL TIPS

Disclaimer: English is my second language, but I started learning it at age 5-6. My school is bilingual and I’ve taken math classes and science classes since age 6 in English. Later in life I took art, history, music and computer science in English. I read in English as much as I do in my native language (Spanish) and I was well prepared for this exams. This are tips to do better on it, but by no means my grades are based on only practicing these. 

  1. READ. It gives you vocabulary, sentence structure and grammar. Read on different topics to see the difference in languages, formal and informal.
  2. LISTEN TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE SPEAKING. It will help you pick up idioms and accents. That way, the listening section will be easy even if the speaker has a weird accent. 
  3. TRY SPEAKING WITH SOMEONE WHO’S A NATIVE SPEAKER. It helps, but if you can’t, watch videos and shows in English.
  4. MAKE VOICE NOTES. This helped me TONS for the speaking section. First, you get used to speaking to a machine (which is kinda weird for me) and second, you can listen to yourself. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. See which mistakes you make and correct yourself. If you realize your mistakes yourself, you will be more conscious to correct them.
  5. TRY THINKING IN ENGLISH. Sometimes I think in other languages and it’s really weird, but it helps you structure your thought in that specific language.

ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM.

  1. Sleep early the night before.
  2. Make sure you wear something comfortable (I wore jeggings and a hoodie with a zipper in case the room was too hot)
  3. Take a pen and a pencil.
  4. Eat a breakfast that will be enough for 4 hours but not too much to make you full and sleepy.
  5. Take some tissues (because the place was really cold and I got a runny nose)
  6. Take a water bottle (some centers let you have it in your station, some others don’t, but if I’m not focused, I drink water to clear my mind, so it helped)
  7. You have a timer, don’t get stressed. You can turn it off if you want (I wouldn’t advice it but some people get too stressed by it)
  8. Make sure you answer every question.
  9. When listening, take notes. It helps you remember what to say when you’re speaking and it reminds of the lectures when you’re answering questions. 
  10. In question in which you have to chose 3 answers out of a 6 answer pack, start by crossing out the ones you are sure are not the right answer. Then make sure all the parts of the answer are true, not just half of it. 
  11. If you are given a break, use it to walk around and clear your mind. Make sure you go back at the right time, but staying in the classroom only makes it more stressful.
  12. YOU’LL DO JUST FINE, DON’T GET STRESSED. 

GOOD LUCK!

Alright followers. I need you.

All 182 of you lovelies. (Even the robot spam blogs that follow me).

My 15 year-old brother is kinda going through a rough time because he’s, you know…in high school…and he’s not feelin too great about himself. He is a bass singer in choir at school and in two professional, nationally recognized jazz bands. He’s really mad that he’s not a tenor, though. He thinks people (girls are who he’s most concerned about) are only attracted to high singing voices. Can you all please give this a like or reblog if you love it when someone has a super deep voice? Doesn’t matter what gender or sexuality you are. I keep trying to tell him deep voices are awesome and attractive. He won’t listen. Do me a solid?

Imagine #7: Just Let Me Go

Request: Hi! It’s me again! 😂. Well first of all, I loved your last imagine “Little Things” and because of that I wanted to give you a harder request. Can you PLEASE write an image based on the song “El perdedor” by Maluma, I know that is in spanish, If you want of course, you can do it how you want. Really, that would be AWESOME. 


“Peter,” you breathed out in disbelief. “What the hell are you doing here?”

You were shocked to see the green eyed boy standing in the hallway of your apartment complex. He looked angry, like he was trying to hold himself back. He took a breath, and shifted his eyes to behind you, as if looking for something. “Peter.” You said again. This time he looked at you, and his eyes seemed to become a lighter color.

“I came to see you.” Was all he said.

You tighten your grip on the door knob, “You don’t get that right. You were the one who sent me away.”

He let out a groan, “I had to, Y/N!”

He seemed as if he was going to say more, but you only rolled your eyes, “Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

Your phone rang in your pocket and the two of you both looked to it. You grabbed it and saw your boyfriend’s name, Colin, flashing on the screen. Your eyes flickered over to Pan and you saw him staring at you, his jaw clenched. You sighed, “I’m sorry I have to take this.” You hit answer, “Hey, what’s up?”

You turned slightly away from Pan and listened to him answer, “Nothing much, love. I’m on my way home from work. Did you decide to make the chicken tonight?”

A small smile worked its way to your face, it was nice to be talking about something so simple while a magical boy was standing in front of you, “I actually decided that it was time for a pizza night, you okay with that?”

Pan shuffled as you continued the conversation, the anger still swirling inside of him and it only got worse as he heard the boy’s voice on the phone. “That actually sounds perfect. Alright, well I’ll let you go, I’ll be home in about an hour. I love you, Y/N.”

The smile grew as you replied, “I love you too, Colin.”

Once you hung up you turned to Pan. At some point he turned his back to you and he seemed to be breathing heavily. You cleared your throat, “I think you should go.”

Peter turned around, fire was in his eyes, “I can’t believe you’re with someone else.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “Excuse me?”

He threw his hands up, “It hasn’t even been that long, and you already moved on.”

You scrunched your face up at the boy, “Pan, it’s been years. I don’t know how long you expected me to wait for you, but I couldn’t. Not with the way you abandoned me.”

He let out a yell, you quickly went and grabbed his arm and slapped a hand over his mouth. You looked around and made sure no neighbors were going to come out. You looked back to him, his green eyes staring right at you in an angry glare. One formed on your face, “You fucking idiot, shut up! I have neighbors and I don’t need them coming out and seeing you.” You practically hissed at him. You heard a door start to open and in a panic you pulled Pan into your apartment. You shut the door and then turned to face him. He had already made his way in and started looking around. “Oh please come in, make yourself at home.”

He stopped in front of the side table you had next to the couch, staring at a picture of you and your boyfriend smiling. His shoulders slumped forward and he hung his head, “Just, just tell me how I messed up. How did I lose?”

He sounded so heartbroken and you sighed, you leaned against the wall and replied, “You know why.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “Y/N.” He paused and turned to face you, “I sent you away to protect you. I love you, I couldn’t risk losing you.”

Your heart clenched at his words and you looked away from his eyes, his stare was too much. “But you did lose me. You sent me back here, with no explanation except a note saying that you had no choice and that they would use me against you.”

He walked forward and stood in front of you, his hair falling in front of his eyes, “Because they were. The stupid heroes were planning to capture you. I couldn’t let that happen.”

You ran a hand through your hair, “Peter we had this conversation years ago. I told you I could handle myself. You didn’t have faith in me.” He opened his mouth to protest but you only held up your hand, “Look, you have your reasons. I disagreed with them. But this was a fight for years ago. It’s too late now.”

Once again Peter look defeated, “Just please do me one thing.” You nodded, “Tell me you love me.” You opened your mouth to protest, but he held up a hand, “Please, even if it’s a lie. I just need to hear it, Y/N.” You looked at him and the two of you stared at one another, you continued to debate on if you should and he walked forward and stood a breath away, “The jealousy is killing me. Just tell me you love me one last time and you’ll never see me again.”

You shook your head and took a breath, you stared into his green eyes and said quietly, “I will always love you, Peter Pan.”

In that moment everything froze, and the two of you stared into each other’s eyes, your hearts’ beating, and no breath passed your lips. Everything faded away, and it was like you were on Neverland again all those years ago, no care or worry in the world, just forever in love with a green eyed boy who never grows up. One blink and he placed his hand on your cheek, another and his lips were on yours. You lost yourself in the kiss, it was slow and soft, so unlike who he was. You two pulled away and opened your eyes. You let another minute pass and your heart was torn, torn between the boy you onced love and the boy you love now.

Your conscience started to attack you for what you did, and he saw the torment in your eyes. He stepped back for the moment was gone. You shook your head and glanced at the clock, you had twenty minutes until Colin came home and you needed Peter to leave. “Peter,” you started, your voice shaking slightly, “You need to go now.”

Pan saw the torment in your eyes, and he knew he had you snared. The cocky Pan came out, the one you knew so well. “I don’t think you want me to do that, Y/N.”

“Yes, it is Peter. I’m happy now. I’ve moved on!” You protested.

He only smirked and quirked an eyebrow, “But you haven’t. You’ll never forget me. Stop trying to trick yourself.” You tried to find words as he pinned you against the wall, his hands resting on your hips. “You know that you will always look at him and see me.” His green eyes turned dark and he looked down at you, “Come on, Y/N. Just give me another chance. You know you’ll never find someone like me.”

You looked away from him, but he simply grabbed your chin. A tear slid down your cheek, “You left me. You abandoned me with only a note as goodbye. Colin would never do that to me. He loves me.”

Peter only shook his head, “Love, I know you may deserve someone better, but listen to me. I love you, and I’m begging you to come back. I need you by my side, I need my Queen again.” You felt weak in the knees and you wanted to hide from him, but he kept you captivated as he said, “You know this isn’t like me. It’s killing me to stand here and beg for once, but all this time has passed and you’ve always been on my mind.” He leaned down and he was a breath away from you, his lips brushing against yours as his eyes clouded over, “You and I, Y/N, we’re destined to be together.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, and tears ran down your face. His eyes were all you saw, and your heart was begging you to let go, to give in to the green eyed demon in front of you, but there was a part of you that reminded you of Colin, of the boy who picked up the pieces that you were and put you back together. Who always treated you right and loved you with all his heart.

You grabbed Peter’s hands off your hips and held them in front of you. Tears filled your eyes as you told him, “I love you, Peter.” He looked hopeful, but it vanished as you said, “But I can’t.” You let go and walked over to the window, “I love Colin now, and I couldn’t do to him what you did to me. Please go.”

Peter stormed over to the window and you backed away. He went to say something, but you simply pointed out. He growled as he said, “I will be back, Y/N. Peter Pan never fails.”

And with that he flew out the window, his promise lingering in the air.


Note: Hope you enjoyed it! 

I Should Have Known

credit to- sleepy hollow_101

My younger brother died this past February.


I should have known it was coming. As kids, we were really close, my brother and I. Spent all our time looking for toads in the backyard and chasing snakes. He was the creative type, ended up a writer. Kind of a hot-shot, too. We were still pretty close, even when the money came rolling in.


These last few months, though, things got a little different.

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Day 54: Cherokee Sacred Formulas

Facsimile of the “Swimmer Manuscript”

I’ve mentioned James Mooney and his works several times before, but I haven’t really ever talked about his “Sacred Formulas of the Cherokees”. This work, much like his “Myths of the Cherokee” is a great resource for those who are interested in Cherokee traditional beliefs and folk medicine. Mooney does a great job of collecting information from first-hand accounts. He interviews not only medicine men and women, but also storytellers and knowledge-keepers who are well known in their communities. One of the most useful and amazing parts of his works is his language examples and transliteration. Mooney made sure to include transliterations of traditional names rather than substituting in an English translation. An example of this that I can think of is including in the word Dagûlʻkû rather than translating it to “goose” like many ethnographers would. “Goose” doesn’t incorporate in the mythology behind the Dagûlʻkû, and therefore the word just falls flat. Because of this, his works are seen as very accurate representations of Cherokee language and belief.

Now, I will say that while the information is presented in a great way, there are inaccuracies. Mooney’s collections are often seen as representative of the entirety of the Cherokee Nation, when in fact it represents the collected knowledge from only a handful of people. He does a good job of explaining the different bands of the Nation, but his information should be seen as only representing a small portion of this very large group of people. That is to say, his “Myths of the Cherokee” are the stories told by only a portion of the population, they are not the myths of the entire Nation. But, that being said, his collections are very good and even though they were written over a hundred years ago they still stand out in a world where indigenous beliefs and culture are so often subjected to infantilism and whitewashing.

Mooney’s “Sacred Formulas of the Cherokees” is a collection of medical knowledge that he gathered from living healers for the Bureau of Ethnology.  At around 1932 the work was completed and revised by Frans M. Olbrechts. The first version of the work can be found online, and Olbrechts longer version is still being published today. I have mixed feelings about this work. First, I feel like the information is presented in a very respectful way which is surprising considering other works on indigenous medicine written at the same time which speak in a very condescending tone about the “primitive people’s superstitions.” That’s to say I can read through Mooney’s works without cringing. It should be noted, however, that while the information is accurate and presented in a good way, it is still lacking as it is being filtered through the words of a non-Cherokee and a non-healer. As a healer myself I approach this work with natural suspicion. The verbal formulas and medicinal knowledge collected would normally be passed on only between a healer and their student. The fact that the information is being shared and then written down, makes me a little uncomfortable. But, that in mind, from the standpoint of an ethnographer, this information was collected from willing informants, and in several cases Mooney translated formulas from manuscripts written in Cherokee by medicine men themselves. So on the one hand the willingness to share traditional knowledge with an outsider makes me uncomfortable, but the fact that this information was shared with someone who would treat it with respect makes me less frustrated.

Now, after that long-winded rambling I’d like to give an example of the formulas collected by Mooney. More information about his work can be found online, and his collections that are in public domain can be accessed through Gutenberg online.

Note: the Cherokee transcription will be included as an image as Mooney’s phonetic system is hard to represent in text form.

Formula for Treating the Crippler (Rheumatism)

Listen! Ha! In the Sun Land you repose, O Red Dog, O now you have swiftly drawn near to hearken. O great ada´wĕhĭ, you never fail in anything. O, appear and draw near running, for your prey never escapes. You are now come to remove the intruder. Ha! You have settled a very small part of it far off there at the end of the earth.

Listen! Ha! In the Frigid Land you repose, O Blue Dog. O now you have swiftly drawn near to hearken, O great ada´wĕhĭ, you never fail in anything. O, appear and draw near running, for your prey never escapes. You are now come to remove the intruder. Ha! You have settled a very small part of it far off there at the end of the earth.

Listen! Ha! In the darkening land you repose, O Black Dog. O, now you have swiftly drawn near to hearken. O great ada´wĕhĭ, you never fail in anything. O, appear and draw near running, for your prey never escapes. You are now come to remove the intruder. Ha! You have settled a very small part of it far off there at the end of the earth.

Listen! On Wa´hală you repose. O White Dog. Oh, now you have swiftly drawn near to hearken. O great ada´wĕhĭ, you never fail in anything. Oh, appear and draw near running, for your prey never escapes. You are now come to remove the intruder. Ha! You have settled a very small part of it far off there at the end of the earth.

Listen! On Wa´hală, you repose, O White Terrapin. O, now you have swiftly drawn near to hearken. O great ada´wĕhĭ, you never fail in anything. Ha! It is for you to loosen its hold on the bone. Belief is accomplished.

Prescription

Lay a terrapin shell upon (the spot) and keep it there while the five kinds (of spirits) listen. On finishing, then blow once. Repeat four times, beginning each time from the start. On finishing the fourth time, then blow four times. Have two white beads lying in the shell, together with a little of the medicine. Don’t interfere with it, but have a good deal boiling in another vessel—a bowl will do very well—and rub it on warm while treating by applying the hands. And this is the medicine: What is called Yâ´na-Utsĕ´sta (“bear’s bed,” the Aspidium acrostichoides or Christmas fern); and the other is called Kâ´ga-Asgû´ntagĭ (“crow’s shin,” the Adianthum pedatum or Maidenhair fern); and the other is the common Egû´nlĭ (another fern); and the other is the Little Soft (-leaved) Egû´nlĭ (Osmunda Cinnamonea or cinnamon fern), which grows in the rocks and resembles Yâna-Utsĕ´sta and is a small and soft (-leaved) Egû´nlĭ. Another has brown roots and another has black roots. The roots of all should be (used).

Begin doctoring early in the morning; let the second (application) be while the sun is still near the horizon; the third when it has risen to a considerable height (10 a.m.); the fourth when it is above at noon. This is sufficient. (The doctor) must not eat, and the patient also must be fasting.

Explanation

As this formula is taken from the manuscript of Gahuni, who died nearly thirty years ago, no definite statement of the theory of the disease, or its treatment, can be given, beyond what is contained in the formula itself, which, fortunately, is particularly explicit; most doctors contenting themselves with giving only the words of the prayer, without noting the ceremonies or even the medicine used. There are various theories as to the cause of each disease, the most common idea in regard to rheumatism being that it is caused by the spirits of the slain animals, generally the deer, thirsting for vengeance on the hunter, as has been already explained in the myth of the origin of disease and medicine.

The measuring-worm (Catharis) is also held to cause rheumatism, from the resemblance of its motions to those of a rheumatic patient, and the name of the worm wahhĭlĭ´ is frequently applied also to the disease.

There are formulas to propitiate the slain animals, but these are a part of the hunting code and can only be noticed here, although it may be mentioned in passing that the hunter, when about to return to the settlement, builds a fire in the path behind him, in order that the deer chief may not be able to follow him to his home.

The disease, figuratively called the intruder (ulsgéta), is regarded as a living being, and the verbs used in speaking of it show that it is considered to be long, like a snake or fish. It is brought by the deer chief and put into the body, generally the limbs, of the hunter, who at once begins to suffer intense pain. It can be driven out only by some more powerful animal spirit which is the natural enemy of the deer, usually the dog or the Wolf. These animal gods live up above beyond the seventh heaven and are the great prototypes of which the earthly animals are only diminutive copies. They are commonly located at the four cardinal points, each of which has a peculiar formulistic name and a special color which applies to everything in the same connection. Thus the east, north, west, and south are respectively the Sun Land, the Frigid Land, the Darkening Land, and Wă´hală´, while their respective mythologic colors are Red, Blue, Black, and White. Wáhală is said to be a mountain far to the south. The white or red spirits are generally invoked for peace, health, and other blessings, the red alone for the success of an undertaking, the blue spirits to defeat the schemes of an enemy or bring down troubles upon him, and the black to compass his death. The white and red spirits are regarded as the most powerful, and one of these two is generally called upon to accomplish the final result.

In this case the doctor first invokes the Red Dog in the Sun Land, calling him a great adáwehi, to whom nothing is impossible and who never fails to accomplish his purpose. He is addressed as if out of sight in the distance and is implored to appear running swiftly to the help of the sick man. Then the supplication changes to an assertion and the doctor declares that the Red Dog has already arrived to take the disease and has borne away a small portion of it to the uttermost ends of the earth. In the second, third, and fourth paragraphs the Blue Dog of the Frigid Land, the Black Dog of the Darkening Land, and the White Dog of Wáhală are successively invoked in the same terms and each bears away a portion of the disease and disposes of it in the same way. Finally, in the fifth paragraph, the White Terrapin of Wáhălă is invoked. He bears off the remainder of the disease and the doctor declares that relief is accomplished. The connection of the terrapin in this formula is not evident, beyond the fact that he is regarded as having great influence in disease, and in this case the beads and a portion of the medicine are kept in a terrapin shell placed upon the diseased part while the prayer is being recited.

The formulas generally consist of four paragraphs, corresponding to four steps in the medical ceremony. In this case there are five, the last being addressed to the terrapin instead of to a dog. The prayers are recited in an undertone hardly audible at the distance of a few feet, with the exception of the frequent ha, which seems to be used as an interjection to attract attention and is always uttered in a louder tone. The beads—which are here white, symbolic of relief—are of common use in connection with these formulas, and are held between the thumb and finger, placed upon a cloth on the ground, or, as in this case, put into a terrapin shell along with a small portion of the medicine. According to directions, the shell has no other part in the ceremony.

The blowing is also a regular part of the treatment, the doctor either holding the medicine in his mouth and blowing it upon the patient, or, as it seems to be the case here, applying the medicine by rubbing, and blowing his breath upon the spot afterwards. In some formulas the simple blowing of the breath constitutes the whole application. In this instance the doctor probably rubs the medicine upon the affected part while reciting the first paragraph in a whisper, after which he blows once upon the spot. The other paragraphs are recited in the same manner, blowing once after each. In this way the whole formula is repeated four times, with four blows at the end of the final repetition. The directions imply that the doctor blows only at the end of the whole formula, but this is not in accord with the regular mode of procedure and seems to be a mistake.

The medicine consists of a warm decoction of the roots of four varieties of fern, rubbed on with the hand. The awkward description of the species shows how limited is the Indian’s power of botanic classification. The application is repeated four times during the same morning, beginning just at daybreak and ending at noon. Four is the sacred number running through every detail of these formulas, there being commonly four spirits invoked in four paragraphs, four blowings with four final blows, four herbs in the decoction, four applications, and frequently four days’ gaktun´ta or tabu. In this case no tabu is specified beyond the fact that both doctor and patient must be fasting. The tabu generally extends to salt or lye, hot food and women, while in rheumatism some doctors forbid the patient to eat the foot or leg of any animal, the reason given being that the limbs are generally the seat of the disease. For a similar reason the patient is also forbidden to eat or even to touch a squirrel, a buffalo, a cat, or any animal which “humps” itself. In the same way a scrofulous patient must not eat turkey, as that bird seems to have a scrofulous eruption on its head, while ball players must abstain from eating frogs, because the bones of that animal are brittle and easily broken.

What’s Love || Hansol || Pt. 4

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Final //

Word Count: 2627

Genre: fluff, romance, comedy, casual writing

Summary: You and Chwe Hansol never had good impressions on each other. Hansol always thought of you as a witch when you two were children and you thought that he was a devil sent from Hell to make your life miserable. Now that you were older, this childish rivalry hasn’t vanished but Hansol might be developing some feelings stronger than hate.


You didn’t feel any better the next morning but that didn’t matter. You had classes. You hid your red nose and puffy eyes behind a mask and a pair of sunglasses. You didn’t have the energy to dress any better than the day before so you just pulled on a pair of tights and a baggy sweater. Your bag was probably missing several supplies but you simply grabbed your bag and didn’t look for anything else. Your phone was at 40% battery life, just like how you felt. You knew that as the day grew on it’d just drag and you’d feel like knocking yourself out to go home. You let out a sigh as you got off the bus and began to walk towards your school. Your head throbbed.

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You want to play Let’s Save the Broken Girl and I get it- I really do. I know that you saw Prince Charming whisk Cinderella away from a life of misery and Prince Phillip kiss Sleeping Beauty back to life. You’ve been taught since grade school that you are stronger and bigger and faster than me. You’ve been dreaming about playing Save the Broken Girl since you were 6 years old and now you’ve found me- the perfect girl to play it with.
I know you think I’d bruise like a peach if you would just reach out and press your thumb down against my skin. I know you look at my skin and think it doesn’t do a good enough job of guarding my ribs. I know you think they’d snap like tree branches if someone reached their hands in and pulled them apart. I know you watch me drink vodka on the rocks and picture my praying mantis legs giving out when they’ve only found their way halfway home. I know you listen to me spew bullshit about how meaningless life is and what are we all doing here anyway and your first thought is to slip a love note under my pillow, and then to slip another pillow under that so my head will stop hurting so much.
I know you look at me biting my nails, little black scraps of polish falling out of my mouth when I speak and think I could make her less nervous. I know you look at me sweeping my hair over my eyes and think I could make her less scared. I know you look at the green flecks littered like leaves in my brown eyes and think I could make sure it never rains there again. I know you look at the world map above my bed and think I could teach her to put down roots. I could teach her to stop running.
I know what I look like to you. I look like every single girl you grew up wanting to save- a little too skinny like sometimes I forget to feed myself. Hair three different colors that reaches down to my hipbones. Too many piercings in my ears like I wanted to make myself less whole. Carrying around John Steinbeck books like he’s the only one who understands. Driving my car a little too fast with my music a little too loud.
I couldn’t be more of a cliché if I wanted to. The pretty bookworm with ghosts swimming through the the blood in her veins. The girl whose past has sewed itself to her shadow so that when the sun hits her just right, you can see every single thing that’s ever broken her heart. The girl you want to find crying in the middle of the literature section in the library so that you can take her home and tuck the blankets in around her and let her rest for the first time in years.
I know you want to save me. But you should know I don’t need to be saved. All of this-the mind like a spider web and the heart like a fly- the madness that takes me with a swirl of colors and the oblivion that covers me like bright snow- the faulty logic that never leads from point A to point B and the flickering desire for everything and nothing at the same time- this is me. And I am not something I need to be saved from.
—  Fortesa Latifi - Let’s Save the Broken Girl
FIc: Eikonoklastēs (Blaine/Kurt)

Summary: Blaine tries to explain to his therapist why marrying Kurt wasn’t a rash move. Reaction fic to Glee 6.08, “A Wedding.” PG-13/Teen & Up. ~2,800 words.
Thanks:
After “A Wedding” aired, januarium made a post about wanting fic where Blaine and/or Kurt tell their therapists they got married. I started writing but let it drop. Then lalalenii and whisperyvoices got me to pick it up again, unbeknownst to them. Thanks to chiasmuslovesme and nachochang for patient betaing.
Notes: My headcanon says that Kurt and Blaine were back in Lima for a couple days before the events of 6.10 “The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester” transpired. And “profiterole” is a fancy word for “cream puff.” Also, Dr. Joyce is a recurring character in my s6 fic. Here’s her tag.
Warnings: psychotherapy, clinician being overly clinical (but it all works out in the end), brief flirty allusion to BDSM

Also on AO3.

* * *

Eikonoklastēs

Kurt and Blaine leave for their honeymoon three days after the wedding. They both have therapist appointments scheduled for later in the week, but if there was ever a good excuse to cancel, surely this is it.

Blaine calls Dr. Joyce’s office while he and Kurt wait for their plane to take off. He tells the receptionist that he had to go out of town on short notice – no, nothing’s wrong; in fact, a wonderful opportunity came up – and could he reschedule?

He enters the new appointment into his phone calendar and turns to Kurt with a smile. “I have no obligations for the next ten days but you.”

Kurt smirks and reaches for Blaine’s hand across the armrest. “I’m an obligation now, is that it?”

“My lucky ball and chain,” Blaine says. He’s so happy his face is getting sore from all the grinning.

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anonymous asked:

Can you give a brief review of the album? Everyone is always so excited to see what you think :)

YES I can, I love y’all wanting my opinion, so sweet.

I’m currently listening to it (slightly guiltily). I’ll give you my honest opinion on each song (aside from you’re not alone and this isn’t the end!)

Verge - I didn’t like this one, still don’t. To me it’s a little boring, and repetetive, but has a nice theme.

I Found Love - Beautifully written, beautifully done. Reminds me of my Jay, or of a relationship, but it could be about God, too. Made me cry a little bit when I heard it the other day.

Thunderstruck (feat. Sarah Russell) - This one is VERY dancy, very electronic, it reminded me of something Avicii would put out or something to dance to at a club if you just had the background music. I had to do a double take with it because it sounds REALLY different than usually. Dreams and Disasters feel to it, lots of energy. It’ll be one I run my miles to.

My Everything - You guys have heard this one, it’s pretty nice but not my thing really, but has a beautiful message.

Unbelievable (feat. Hanson) - Another one I don’t care for really. Although I can relate to a majority of these things, I don’t care for the tune because it doesn’t have that ‘catchy’ theme to it like I like in my songs!

Bird With a Broken Wing - My favorite, and it will be a lot of peoples’ favorites. I think it goes back to his days when he was younger and didn’t think he could take off. Finding your place, chasing rainbows on his own. You guys remember in ‘Butterfly Wings’ how he said ‘we won’t need feathers to fly’? It relates to that. Has a bit of a dark background with sugar on top of it. Oddly reminds me of Cave In, I love it. “I’m an astronaut on the ocean floor.”

Back Home (feat. Jake Owen) - This song THROWS ME OFF. It’s so random ad thrown in, it’s like pure country it feels almost out of place in a sense. Jake Owen is Adam’s favorite, and the theme about ‘being back home with the front porch etc’ is relatable to someone like me in Midwest cornfield USA like he is in Minnesota, but, I can’t get past the fact it’s just country coming from Owl City. I don’t care for it too much, has a lot of twang…like I said, just throws me off a bit. I’ll give it some more listens. Trying to give it a chance lol.

Can’t Live Without You - THERE’S A HIGH NOTE IN HERE THAT WILL LITERALLY KNOCK YOU OFF YOUR COMPUTER CHAIR RIGHT ON YOUR LITTLE BUM. I think it is another faith song, I think a lot of these are faith songs…it’s really good and kind of fun and fast paced like Thunderstruck, reminds me of Tokyo and is super catchy and kinda fun! ‘You’re my only wish for a dream come true, but it goes like this - will you come to my rescue? You’re my only hope that I’m clinging to, and I hope you know that I can’t live without you.’ Lots of electronic voiceover sort of things going on.

Overall, this is a new Owl City, but a better Owl City than The Midsummer Station, and his kind of ‘cheap’ feeling songs. He has put heart and soul into this, and you can hear it and feel it. I actually am really excited, my heart’s going fast hearing this. It has a different feel than Ocean Eyes, not as ‘magical’ but it hits close to home. I think these are more ‘down to earth’ songs, not as whimsical you know as Fireflies or child like, but serious and ‘this is my life in songs, this is the real stuff, so listen up.’ I like it, I can’t wait to see it live. This is good guys. This is real good.

Can you explain to me…

Man, those five words rub me the wrong way. To me it’s a question dripping in snottiness, like the person asking already knows the answer and it will make the respondent look bad. “Can you explain to me why this bloody knife the police found in your basement has your fingerprints all over it?”

If said face to face there’s additional context with body language and tone of voice. Maybe the person asking the question really means “Hey Bob! I didn’t really get what you said so I’m hoping you can help me understand this.” Of course the person could also mean “What the hell are you doing?”

If typed in an email with no facial expression, tone of voice, or even a smiley face emoticon the question seems condescending and full of contempt to me. “Listen, pal. I don’t know why you think you can do this without asking me first if it’s OK.”

At work I sent an email to four people. It got forwarded a few times and eventually ended up going to someone at work I’ve never heard of.

I was giving notice I’d be making a small change to a small database. My note was needlessly forwarded by a guy who forwards tons of email because he thinks he’s covering his ass by telling everyone everything. He doesn’t realize his volume of email is little more than background noise. We don’t really pay any attention to him.

Except someone really did read one of his many forwarded messages. This other person doesn’t work with or understand the database I’m updating. He has no reason to worry about it. Which is why he doesn’t understand it. Which is why he sent me an email that started with: “Can you explain to me…”

I don’t want to be guilty of sending an email with words that could be misconstrued as well. “Mind your own fucking business” leaves little room for doubt, right? But management frowns on rude behavior and I don’t want co-workers to think I’m the obnoxious one.

So I waited 20 minutes and cooled off. Then I wrote my reply and read it a few times to make sure I came across as professional and polite.

The guy responded to my answer with “Thanks!” and a smiley emoticon.

Come Back to Me- Part 1 of 2

For these two anons:

Please write a Fanfiction where Caroline is guilty after switching on her humanity. Stefan then proposing her to be his girlfriend where she refuses saying she isn’t good for him coz she forced him to shut it off. Stefan telling her the reasons it’s because of her that he’s back again.

A Drabble where Caroline has her humanity and feels guilty as she remembers what she did to Sarah and Liam. So she goes to apologise and to ask Sarah to forgive her. She writes a letter to Stefan saying she’s sorry for forcing him to shut his humanity off and says she gonna leave town. After that you know the usual him finding her and they unite.

Caroline sat on the bed in one of the spare bedrooms of the Salvatore boarding house. Her feet dangled over the side of the bed as she stared at the wall. She thought over the previous night, and the moment Stefan got her to turn her humanity back on.

They were exchanging blows, always going for the hurt, never the kill.

Niether one of them could actually go through with it, because no matter how much they didnt care about anything around them, a piece of them would always care about eachother.

Stefan knew this, he knew this and used it. Even without his humanity, Stefan had a goal. He knew that if he could just push the right buttons, Caroline would come back to him, and then bring him back as well.

There came a point last night, that one minute they were fighting and then the next they had come together, their lips moving wildly against one another.

Stefan had slammed his body against Caroline’s, giving into the passion that still set him on fire, even with out his humanity. Caroline responded eagerly, jumping up and wraping her legs around him while they violently assaulted eachother’s mouths..

But then, something clicked in Caroline. Feeling Stefan kiss her, touch her, she couldnt push aside the feelings that overwhelmed her. Her desire for Stefan, her absolute love and devotion for him, brought her humanity back in a tsunami of emotions.

She had pushed against him, separating their lips and holding him back. She had tears in her eyes as she looked up into his dark, lust filled irises. He noticed the change in her immediately and watched as tears began to fall silently from her eyes.

Caroline only needed to take Stefan’s face in her hands and whisper, Come back to me, for Stefan’s humanity to return. As soon as she saw the concern on his face Caroline allowed herself to melt to the floor, her entire body shaking in anguish.

Stefan carried her to his home and stayed the night with her, holding her as she cried in his arms.

But now, Caroline was alone in the room. Stefan had gone to grab blood and tea and she was left thinking about what a horrible person she was. She couldnt believe the things she had done without her humanity, it tore into her, making her feel like she was experiencing every emotion possible, all at once.

She blinked hard at the wall a few times before jumping up from the bed and crossing the room to where Enzo’s phone was sitting on the dresser.

She once again dialed Sarah Salvatore’s number, the memory of when she had done it the first time still haunting her.

“Hello?”

Caroline froze for a moment, realizing she had no idea what to say.

“Hello?” Sarah asked again.

“Uh- yeah- Hi…Sarah. This is Caroline.” Caroline tried to sound casual but found it nearly impossible.

“Uh..I’m sorry, who is this?” Sarah asked, her voice rushed.

“Caroline…the homicidal blonde from last night?” Caroline made it sound liek a joke, even though she knew how humorless the situation was.

“What?” Sarah paused. “Is this is joke?”

Suddenly it occured to Caroline that Elena may have compelled Sarah to forget everything that happened last night.

“Oh- uh- yes. And Sarah..” Caroline’s voice changed to a soft whisper. “I am so very sorry.”

“What? Okay…”

Caroline heard Sarah hang up and sighed.

“It was sweet of you to try.”

Caroline spun around to see Stefan in the doorway holding two blood bags and a cup of steaming hot tea.

She looked down at the ground and turned away from him. “Yeah well, what else am i supposed to do?” She sighed deeply and walked back over to the bed to sit back down. “Stefan, I was so horrible…” She let her head sink down to her chest. “…how can you even look at me…. let alone be so nice to me?”

“Caroline, it wasnt you.” Stefan put the tea and blood bags on the dresser and walked over to her. He sat beside Caroline on the bed. “Everything you did, it wasnt you who did it.”

Caroline could feel the tears stinging her eyes again but pushed them away and held her head up, catching Stefan’s gaze. “But it was Stefan, I am still responsible for everything that happened over the last few days.”

Stefan turned to face her, bringing his hand up to her cheek. “Caroline, no one blames you.” His voice was soft as a whisper. “You have to know that.”

Caroline didnt care. Even if no one blamed her for what had happened, she did. She was disgusted with what she had done. She could still see the terror in Liam’s eyes as she fed from him, the screams Sarah and Liam both bellowed as Liam performed surgery on Sarah at Caroline’s request.

Caroline grimaced at the memory, feeling repulsed by the smile she had held on her face as she listened to them both.

She turned to face Stefan, taking his hand and bringing it into hers.

“Stefan, I am so sorry for what i did to you. For almost killing your niece, for making you turn it off, for all the awful things i said to you-”

“Care-” Stefan tried to interupt but Caroline stopped him.

“No- Stefan, let me do this.” She took a deep breath and started again. “Im very sorry for everything i did to you, and i am so grateful that you brought me back- even though i didnt deserve it.”

Stefan shook his head and sighed.

“Caroline, of course i was going to bring you back Nothing you could have done with your humanity off would ever change the way i feel about the real you.”

He leaned over, bringing his forehead to hers for a moment before Caroline pulled back and looked away.

“Dont push me away Caroline. ” Stefan reached for her again. “I want to be with you.”

Caroline could feel her heart soar and plummet at the same time. There was nothing that she wanted more than to be with Stefan, but now after everything she had done, she didnt believe she deserved to be with someone like him. Stefan deserved to be with someone who would have never switched off their humanity, who would have never targeted him and hurt him so badly while it was off.

Caroline stayed silent, unsure of what to say to him.

Stefan brought her face to look at his, his eyes searching hers.

“Do you want to be with me Caroline?” His question was so quiet, if it wasnt for her impeccable hearing, Caroline wouldnt have heard him.

Caroline couldnt lie, “Of course I do, but-“

Stefan pulled her face to his before she could finish. He kissed her so softly, Caroline felt like she would melt into him right in that moment. With his lips on hers, Caroline could feel her resolve to let him go slipping away and summoned the strength to end the kiss before she gave in completely.

“Stefan- I…I think i just need some time.”

Stefan pulled back his face from hers and gave her a soft smile. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

Caroline forced herself to return his smile before asking him if she could be alone for ahwile. He agreed and got up from the bed, but not before kissing her forehead softly and smiling at her again. She thanked him and watched him with tears in her eyes as he crossed the room and left, closing the door behind him.

Caroline held in the sobs she wanted to release, knowing that was the last time she would see Stefan. She held in the pain that pulled at her from all sides as she quickly found a pen and paper and began writing.

Dear Stefan,

I’m sorry to say goodbye like this, but i know you’d never let me go if you had a chance to stop me.

We cant pretend the last few days didnt happen. We cant pretend that i didnt do all of those horrible things to your niece, the person you confided in me about. The person you have been trying to protect for the last eighteen years. What i’ve done…Stefan I’ll never forgive myself.

And niether should you.

I hope you find someone who really deserves you, someone who can match your ability to be so selfless, loyal, and kind.

Despite what i wanted to believe, i am just not that person.

Please forgive me in all I have done, and all that i am giving up in leaving you now.

I love you Stefan.

~ Caroline

She wiped away the tears as she folded the note and placed it on the dresser.

Caroline listened carefully for sounds outside the bedroom. When she was sure that no one was nearby she crossed the room at vamp speed and jumped out of the open window.

Note to my Friends, Mututals and Followers

Please please please please.

When I say “I am here for you if you need me” - I mean it.

When I say “Message me any time, if you need to vent, talk, whatever” - I mean it.

When I say “I’m here to listen if you need an ear” - I mean it.

If you need someone to just vent or rant to - even if you don’t want someone to try and fix it or give advice, please just know I am here.  Say “Ok, I’m just going to vent.  I don’t want you to try to fix it.  I just need to talk”.  I will do that.  i’ll give hugs and be there to listen without giving my 2 cents.

If you’re going through something - anything - please know I 100% mean when I say that what you and I talk about, stays with me and me alone.  It will always be private.

And also know that if you are my friend and you DON’T want to talk about how you’re feeling or what you’re going through - that’s ok too.  I am STILL here for you about anything and everything.

You are not alone in anything you are going through and I hope you truly and completely understand that.