someone first choice


she had the world || panic! at the disco

my level of extra: going on a cinematic adventure for a recipe video

It’s sad to think that, there’s always someone who’s better than me. someone’s first priority. someone who who will always be special. someone who they value more. i am just nothing. i will never be someone’s first choice. i will never be worthy for anyone. i will never be special. i am always the behind the picture.

First Choice

Pairing: Oliver Queen x Reader

Summary: You join up with Team Arrow after Iris and Barry start dating. You start to rebuild your life but Barry unexpectedly shows up and begs for you to come back. Will you go with him or stay?

Originally posted by kholendx78

Six months.

It’s been six months since you joined up with Team Arrow. At first, Oliver, of course, had fought you saying that you were better off helping Team Flash but he eventually came around. And after Felicity left them for good, you became the pillar of the team. During the six long months, Oliver and you got closer and closer. Although both of you developed feelings for the other within two months of working together neither wanted to admit it fearing rejection. So, much to the team’s dismay, you both danced around each other’s feelings, all the while shamelessly flirting, sending desperate longing glances while the other wasn’t looking and finding any and every way to lingering touches. A couple of weeks after Ollie’s and your behavior change the team had had enough and took matters into their own hands. All of them tried in their own ways to get Oliver and you to spill your feelings for the other. Ollie refused each time and his was simple

Barry Allen.

He was the sole reason you came to work with Oliver in the first place. Though you never revealed all of the details on what happened between you two Oliver knew that you were in love with Barry for as long as you’ve known him and he was head over heels for Iris. And when Barry and Iris started to date it was more than you could handle. When being in the same room as he became a struggle you decided that your excellent engineering skills, kickass fight style, and medical training could be used to help the neighboring Star City’s vigilante team. Oliver was convinced that those feelings were still there and you could never see him as anything other than a friend.

“(Y/N), how about we go and watch that movie that you’ve been talking our ears off about?” Oliver asks as he walks into the Arrowcave. You turned around and cocked your eyebrow at him, confused. Was Oliver Queen, handsome hunk, ex-billionaire, mayor of Star City asking you out on a date? He can’t be asking you out on a date. He still has feelings for Felicity, I mean the guy wanted to marry her. This was why you kept to yourself about the feelings you have for him. “So…?” Oliver’s voice suddenly brought you back to reality.

“You and me? Like a date?” you asked, heart racing at the possibility.

“Well… I… umm… only if you want it to be, or it can be two fr-,” Oliver stutters.

“It’s a date then. The movie comes out tonight at midnight, how about you pick me up at around 8 and we can grab something to eat right before?” you interrupt him with a sudden surge of confidence.

Oliver’s face cracks into a big grin as he replies, “That sounds perfect.” You give him a quick smile and practically skip through the door to your car.

“Good job (Y/N). You finally got yourself a date, and that too with Oliver Queen. Good thing too, when was the last time you’ve been on a date? Honestly girl, you were turning into your mom, always work, work, work no time for fun. One more week of not having going out and I’m sure you would have started carrying that ridiculous suitcase to work,” you say to yourself while digging around your purse for your keys. “Haha! You didn’t think I would find you did ya?” you exclaimed in triumph talking to your car keys. You were about to open the door when there was a familiar gush of wind and suddenly you were on the rooftop of some skyscraper. “What is it with superheroes and rooftops?” you scream out turning to see the once-love-of-your-life grabbing his sides laughing and gasping for air.  “Okay, okay enough. Why are you here?” you demand with a sudden surge of anger.

“I just wanted to see you,” Barry answered. Although you knew that he could easily deflect your punch, you clocked him in the face anyway, satisfied as a groan escapes the scarlet speedster.

“Six months. Six months, no phone call, no text, not even an email to see how I was. What I was doing? If I was even alive and now you just randomly show up!!!” you screamed, frustration spilling out in the form of tears.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry but I came to see you many times and each time you just seemed to be so happy. I didn’t want to ruin that,” Barry coos rushing over to you.

“Barry why would it ruin my happiness?” you choke out, as your tears turn into sobs.

“Well I know the real reason you left Central City, and I didn’t want to bring any pain to you, you seemed to be moving on with your life. From what I heard you’ve even got a date with Oliver,” he explained while wiping your tears away.

“Still doesn’t answer the question of what you are doing here?” you ask after backing away from him and taking a long good look at him. The past six months hasn’t changed him much, his hair was a bit longer than you remember and there was a significant rise of bags under his eyes.

He took a deep breath and said, “The team needs you (Y/N). I need you.” The wind gets knocked out of you at his sudden proclamation. “Please come back to us.”

After several minutes of consideration, you say, “Barry I can’t just leave all this.”

“Why not?” he replies immediately.

“I just can’t. I’ve started to build something here and I can’t just leave all of that in a heartbeat because the team needs me. I can’t rebuild my life at your will,” you respond. “Now please leave me alone Barry.”

“(Y/N),“ he started but you silence him by holding your hand up. “You chose Iris over me Barry, and after I told you my feelings for you too. You ignored me, you left me countless amounts of times and chose to run after Iris even when she didn’t need you, and you treated me like last resort when you needed help. You know what, you were right, you should not have returned to me,” you hiss out venom filled in your tone.

“I’m sorry,” Barry said before taking off leaving you once again to break down alone. Your heart wrenches, and all the wounds that were healing come undone. You sink to the ground next to your car and internally beg him to come back and comfort you, but once again you were sadly disappointed.

You don’t remember when or how but you managed to call the one person you knew would come running to help, he found you and wrapped his strong protective arms around your shoulder. You look into Oliver’s eyes, which were silently begging to let him help you, and you share your heavy broken hearts trouble to him. Throughout the explanation whenever you choked on your own words he squeezed you closer to him, as a sort of silent reassurance that he was there for you. Which he did, Oliver stayed holding you close to him, not saying anything, and he just let you cry out your heart. “I just want to be someone’s first choice. Is that too much to ask for? Am I just not worthy of that? My whole life I have never felt pretty, or special or incredible. That’s why I learned and conquered so many different skills. Even with all of my skills, I’m still not good enough to be someone’s first choice. Someone that a person would fight to be with. I know that love, at first sight, is not really a thing, but I thought that at least someone out there would be crazy enough to find me pretty the first time I met him. I hoped that that same someone would get to know me and think that I was special and incredible. Am I just asking for too much?” you ranted out in frustration not really expecting a response. Suddenly Oliver moved, picked you up bridal style and placed you in the passenger seat of your car.

“Where are we going Ollie?” you ask as he starts the car. “No questions” he responds and smiles at you. He drove to the edge of the city to a place with a breathtaking view, Oliver was quiet the entire ride and you still pondering the fact that you were never the first choice didn’t speak up either. When the car was parked Ollie sat back and sighed. “Why did you bring me here?” you ask and as a response, he got out of the car walked over to your side, opened the door and held his hand out for you. You reluctantly took his hands and let him lead you to the hood of the car when his hands go to your waist as he hoists you up onto the hood of your car a small gasp escapes your mouth, to which he smirks.  

“What do you think about the view (Y/N)?” he asks.

“It’s breathtaking, I’ve always wanted to witness a sunset like this” you reply and turn to him, “still don’t know why you brought me here.”

He walks closer to you and places himself in between your legs and asks, “(Y/N), do you remember what I did when I first saw you?”

“What? Are we playing 20 questions?” you joke to try and lighten the mood but at his stern look sigh and respond with, “You did a double take and then quickly try to cover it up because you were with Felicity.” You smile at the memory of the awkward first meet that Oliver and you had. The meeting ended with Barry having to run you back to your apartment after Ollie managed to spill hot coffee over you.

“I did a double take because I was taken aback by how beautiful you were, and not to be immodest but I have met supermodels, none of them ever made me do a double take. And to be fair at that time I was not with Felicity. The only reason I tried to cover it up was because I thought Barry and you were together,” Oliver explains. “You were so beautiful that I fumbled with nerves when I was talking to you so much that I spilled coffee all over you. No girl has ever made me feel that way before.” The grin you were wearing earlier faltered at his confession. “When you came to work for us, I was overjoyed because I hear so many stories about how good you are at practically everything,” he continued on, “And when I got to finally see you in action I thought you were not only incredible but also unique and special. After I got closer to you I learned that you were all of that and even more. You were compassionate, kind, level-headed, caring and many more qualities. You made me fall in love with you (Y/N). Just by being you, you made me fall deep in love. You were never asking for too much, you deserve so much more than what you ask for because you are so much more than what any guy could ask for. Barry was blind not to see that but I’m not. I love you (Y/N), and I will fight to be with and you will always be my first choice.” Oliver finishes and leans into you only leaving a centimeter of space between your lips, giving you permission to make the final move, which you do in a heartbeat. The kiss started off being sweet and innocent but was quickly turning into something more.

“Wait,” you say gently pushing Ollie off of you, he groaned at the sudden loss of contact and looked expectantly at you. “Two things. One, I love you too, I was so afraid that I was just reading the signs wrong and that you still had feelings for Felicity. Two, why did you bring me here?”

Oliver laughs at the latter portion of your outburst and replies, “Well this was THE place to take a girl when I was a teenager but I never got to take anyone out here because my parents were so worried about security and stuff. Of course, I could have sneaked out and brought a girl out here but for some reason, I saved this place for someone special and I wanted that someone special to be you.”

“Dammit Oliver Queen, you really do know how to work up a girl,” you laugh out as you press a kiss to his lips once again and wrap your legs around his waist. All you regret and sadness about Barry melted away at every touch, and every look Oliver sent your way.

“You are my first choice. I love you,” he said pressing his forehead to yours.

“I love you too,” you reply smiling at him. 


Butch Deloria [ fc: kiowa gordon ]
The Tunnel Snakes could ride again!
Or, y'know, slither again. Whatever!

I’m so sick of feeling like people are using me. Like no one is really there for me. That people only keep me around for the attention. I just want feel truely valued and wanted

All I want is one person who loves me more than anyone else. I want to be a first choice–maybe for a significant other, maybe for a close friend… I just really, really need that.
—  Posted by Anonymous