dear... well, everyone,
today has not been a good day and here’s why:
i fucked up.
i did a really really stupid thing and this is my apology. i am sorry. i am sorry that i made a dumb meme and posted it on the internet. i am not a deh fan, if that wasn’t somewhat clear, and i am all for posting your opinions on the internet.
but when that opinion disregards someone else’s experiences, that’s when it crosses from an opinion into hate. i was hateful. and that wasn’t okay at all.
it shouldn’t have taken me all day to figure this out. i talked to friends for a while (and one of people who criticized my post, who was the most helpful and eye-opening person of all). they told me that i did nothing wrong and everything was going to be fine.
no, but i did do something wrong. im ashamed that i did it and im ashamed that it took this long for me to realize that. i blantently attacked the fanbase of dear evan hansen. this wasnt criticism of the show or anything, this was an attack of the fans and people.
i have diagnosed depression and anxiety. i understand now that just because evan and connor don’t match up to my mental illness, that they don’t help others. and i apologize profusely for that. you are valid (see i was going to say “you will be found” but i think that’s pushing it).
i grasped at straws at equally problematic musicals just to make the deh fanbase feel bad. i’m so sorry. that’s just a shitty thing to do.
unfortunately, i can’t reverse time (wouldn’t that be sick tho). i’m not even sure if i would, because i wouldn’t have a better understanding or respect for people different than me. i can’t personally apologize to a thousand people.
as for the hate, i deserved that. i deserved the anxiety attacks and awful words. i deserved to sit down and just read the tags. i hope that maybe now, i deserve it a little less. after i post this, i don’t know what else i can do to make the situation better. if you have any ideas, let me know please.
thank you for those who supported me and thank you for those who didn’t. thank you for those in between. thank you for teaching me. i hope that i don’t repeat these mistakes. if anything i do again is this problematic (which i sincerly don’t think will happen but just in case) let me know. personally. please.
feel free to reblog or block me or tag people or just ignore this or whatever you want to do. likely, most of the people i hurt won’t see this (they won’t look at my blog ever again or think about the other post). i hope you all do. if you ever need to or want to talk about anything (revolving the post/drama/discourse or your mental illneses or like dogs or i’m cool with talking about disney movies) my inbox is always open and so are my dms.