someone always leaves and then we have to say goodbye

Home Sweet Home

hey y’all! i’m back again with another Shawn fic! i hope you guys like this and feel free to send me your thoughts on my writing. also, feel free to send requests so I can write what you guys like to read! thanks guys!  

not my gif

Originally posted by illumeshawn

       It was a blissful moment, complete serenity. Shawn had been home for the past week and was set to be home for the next month. He decided to spend his first week home relaxing at our new condo with me before venturing out to see friends. We were sitting on the couch, Harry Potter playing on the television and rain drizzling down outside. His arm was lazily draped around me as my head rested on his bare shoulder. We both were still in our pajamas, Shawn shirtless with a pair of black sweatpants and myself in an old shirt of his and a pair of flannel shorts. Shawn was alternating between browsing on his phone and actually watching the film. Beside him, I was rapidly typing away on my laptop, trying to finish an assignment as earlier as possible. It was a quiet and comfortable moment, no stress or worry, just calm. I was hard at work when a gentle tap on my head from my boyfriend pulled me from my assignment. 

        “Hey babe?” I glanced up at the boy talking beside me. He was already gazing down lovingly at me when I met his eyes.                                                         “Yes hun?” I replied, turning to give him my full attention. He reached up and ran a had through my tangled hair. I leaned into his touch and sent him a smile.                                                                                                                            “ Would it bother you if I started a livestream right now? I haven’t been super active the past couple weeks.” Shawn asked politely. His kindness and consideration made me swoon and fall even more in love with him. He was so respectful towards me and my work no matter what. I smiled up at the beautiful boy.                                                                                                                                   “Of course not! You couldn’t bother me if you tried babe. You don’t have to ask me to talk to your fans, I know how important they are! I’m in my own little world half the time anyways.” I told him, shocked that he thought I would be bother by him. I reached up to cup his cheek and he leaned into my hand.

         “I figured but I just wanted to double check. Do you wanna join?” Shawn asked, pulling away from my hand and adjusting his posture. I thought about his question for a moment.

          “Hmm, I’ll hang out here and chime in a little here and there. I wanna get a little more work done so I don’t have to stress about it later.” I decided, leaning down and placing my head on his chest. Shawn pulled me closer to him, lightly kissing the top of my head. I sighed gleefully, glad that Shawn was finally home from tour. 

         “Whatever you want honey. Feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m bothering you.” he insisted, picking up his phone from the couch.

         “Shawn. You will never ever bother me! Like ever! Stop stressing! I love having you around.” I said seriously, gently grabbing his chin to make him look me in the eyes. How in the world does this perfect boy think he’s a bother? He grinned down brightly at me, dipping his head down to kiss me. The kiss was slow, passionate, and loving. It wasn’t quick, rushed, or filled with lust, just slow and steady, stuffed with love. 

         “God, I love you.” he whispered, breathless, once we pulled apart, resting his forehead against mine. I giggled at his words, my cheeks flushing pink.

         “I love you more.”I smiled back.

          “I love you most.” 

      We both sat grinning at each other quietly for a moment. My work and his livestream were forgotten apart for a minute and everything was peaceful. My head went back to resting on his chest and his hand went back to toying with my hair. Everything was perfect. My eyes started to droop as sleep slowly began to pull me in. Shawn’s voice softly pulled me from my slumber. I felt my cheek still resting against him and noticed that his arm went from around my shoulders to wrapped around my waist. From his words, I could tell he was streaming and chatting with his fans.

       “Where would you love to travel that you haven’t already been to.” He read the question out loud then paused to think of an answer.  “Hmm, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. Actually, I think I’m going to take my girlfriend on a trip there soon. She’d absolutely love it.” he responded. I smiled against his skin, my eyes still sealed shut. I wanted to steal a couple more minutes of sleep. “Where is your girlfriend?” he laughed before replying. “Well, my lovely girlfriend has actually been laying right here the whole time. She’s taking a nap but I think she’s starting to wake up.” Shawn panned the camera down to show my sleeping figure. I nuzzled my face deeper into his chest. He dipped down to kiss me lightly on the head. “Yeah, she’s been pretty swamped with school work recently so I’m glad she’s relaxing. She deserves a break.” I forced my eyes to open and shuffled in my boyfriend’s arms. I moved my gaze upwards to look at him only to find him gazing adoringly down at me. “Oh well, look who decided to wake up!” he teased, “Good morning sunshine!” Shawn laughed as I smiled. I sat up from his embrace and pulled my arms over my head, stretching. 

      “How long did I sleep for?” I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. He glanced at the clock on his phone before replying.

      “About four hours. It’s 6:42 right now.”

     “Oh geez, I only meant to sleep for like a half hour.” I said, looking back at my laptop which was still sitting on the couch beside me. 

      “Trust me, you needed the extra sleep. Wanna say hi to the fans? Most of the comments have been asking for you.” he explained, gesturing towards the fan’s comments flooding his stream. I nodded, leaning against Shawn once again and making myself comfortable. 

      “Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, I was snoozing.” I laughed lightly, “How is everyone today?” I asked, reading the responses right away.

      “Someone asks, ‘What is your favorite thing about having Shawn home?’ I’m interested to hear this.” he smirked, reading out the question.

     “Nothing, I wished he’d leave.” I joked which caused Shawn to playful gasp. “Kidding, uh, my favorite thing is probably having someone to snuggle and relax with. I always miss that when he’s on tour.” I answered sincerely, leaning up to kiss his cheek. 

      “That’s my favorite thing too, baby. I find it easier to sleep when you are with me.” Shawn confessed, kissing my forehead. The feed exploded with support, saying how adorable we were. We chatted and answered questions for another hour or so before saying our goodbyes. The rest of our night was delightful as we relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company. One thing was for sure, I loved it when Shawn was home.  

Isaac Lahey Imagine- If I Die Young

Anon- Can you do an imagine where the reader is dating Isaac and like they love each other and when their fighting the Nogitsune she dies instead of Aiden and Instead of Isaac being there he would be inside the school with Lydia and the others. Then when Lydia runs outside Isaac runs too and then he sees the readers dead body and you can do the rest? Sorry this is long.

Author’s Note- Sorry if this didn’t turn out the way you wanted it, but I was trying to make it as sad as I could so I focused more on memories rather than the build up of the reader’s death. I also made it so both Allison and Aiden didn’t die. I hope you enjoy x


The last day of your life, at seventeen. Death is unavoidable, but it came too soon for Y/F/N. Of course you knew your time was limited, like everyone else’s on earth and yet still it’s a shock when it happens to us and the people we hold close to our hearts. You never know what day could be your last and sometimes that never quite sinks in.

“I’m here to save my best friend” Allison said heroically, you’d always admire her for her strength. “Remember what we agreed?” Isaac asked sternly. “I’m not waiting in the car, I’m not sitting around doing nothing while two of my best friends are in there dying!” you exclaimed, forever feeling weak. “I promised to keep you safe, get in the car now!” he shouted. “You know what, fuck you Isaac!” you didn’t know where that anger came from, but you knew deep down he was doing the best he could to protect you. Regardless, you stormed back into the car and slammed the door shut, Isaac locking it behind you. He blew a kiss at you through the window, you rolled your eyes but pretended to catch it anyway with an involuntary smile on your face. They all then split off, some to find Lydia and Stiles, some to help fight off the Oni. You were sitting in the car for what seemed like hours, hearing the sound of growls and swords. That’s when you saw Ethan, Aiden and Derek walking towards Void Stiles, who was guarded by more Oni soldiers. “It’s silver, silver kills them!” you heard Allison shout, but you noticed the other three didn’t hear as they began to fight. Without hesitation you began to pull on the door handle but you were completely locked in. You noticed one of the windows at the back was slightly open and so easier to break, you climbed over and began to kick it with all your force until it eventually broke. You then proceeded to climb out, ignoring the cuts you got from the shattered glass. You pried open the trunk of the car and took out one of Argent’s guns and ensured you picked up the silver bullets, you loaded it before following the three of them. “Y/N! Get out of here!” Derek shouted, as a sword sliced his back. You ignored him and ran down the stairs before shooting the Oni in the chest with a bullet and watched as it immersed into green smoke. The four of you shared a small moment of optimism and hope, until the worst thing imaginable happened. “Y/n move” Aiden shouted, but it was too late. They watched as a sword was being pulled from your stomach, before Void Stiles and the remaining Oni disappeared. Derek managed to catch you as you fell to the ground. It didn’t hurt and that’s what scared you. Allison and Kira ran down to you all, both of them devastated by what they were seeing. “Oh my god” Allison gasped, covering her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket as she stood there crying at your motionless body. Lydia’s shill scream echoed through the heads of the werewolves, before her, Scott and Isaac ran out of the building. “No” Isaac said with a weak whisper upon seeing everyone crying around someone. “NO!” He shouted as he ran down the stairs to you. He dropped onto his knees as his heart sank, he cradled you in his arms as Derek stood up. Scott and Lydia walked over hand in hand, joining the others during such a sombre moment in all of your lives. Your shaky hand reached out and cupped Isaac’s cheeks, as his tears dripped down his face. You smiled softly, but this time it was different, your face smiled but your eyes did not. “Please don’t leave me” he cried. “I love you, Isaac Lahey” you managed to say. “I love you” he said softly as you took your last breath. He began screaming your name as your eyes fluttered closed, he clung onto your body until he had to be pried off hours later by the paramedics, but it was already too late. You were gone. 

Isaac slowly approached the front of the church, a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. He unravelled it and swallowed thickly before beginning the speech he never thought he’d have to give so soon for the girl he loved. “The hardest part of losing someone isn’t having to say goodbye but having to live without them. Spending the rest of your own life, trying to fill the void and emptiness that’s left in your heart as theirs stops beating. Before I met Y/n my life was grey and I was lost in an abyss of nothingness, but she brought colour to my life and feelings I thought I’d never experience and now I watch as that colour slowly fades back to grey- because I’m nothing without her. Death no longer scares me, but a life without her does. Believe me when I say, not a second goes by where I don’t think about that day. The day I lost the one person that has loved me as much as I loved them. Y/n gave me so many memories, some of my happiest and saddest but I wouldn’t change a single moment of them. I wish I would have told her this while, while- she was still alive. Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal but love leaves a memory no one can ever steal. I love you Y/F/N, I always have and I always will and I hope you find peace and a way to forgive me” Isaac began to get chocked up, until he couldn’t say anything more. He wiped his eyes and left the stand, hanging his head with the emotions he felt.

When Isaac arrived back in his seat, he zoned out and remembered the exact moment he realised he loved you. His dad had just beat the crap out of him and you heard from next door. You opened your bedroom window and climbed onto the part of the roof that connected both of your houses together. He was already sitting there, his head in his hands. You didn’t need to say anything, you just needed to be the shoulder he would cry on. “Shhh” you soothed as you heard a sob escape his mouth. “I hate him, so fucking much” he whispered harshly. “Come on” you said, lifting his head up. “What?” he asked, looking at you quizzically. “We’re going out” you told. “It’s 1am?” he said confused. “So?” you said with a smirk, taking his hand and helping him up. He shook his head and smiled, before going down the drainpipe. You followed shortly behind and he caught you as you got close to the floor. “Where are we going exactly?” he questioned. “Anywhere” you claimed. After half an hour of aimlessly wondering around the streets of Beacon Hills you came across an empty park, you’d been there a few times when you were little. You guided him over to the swing set and sat down, gently rocking. “Y/n” he suddenly said, you could tell by the tone of his voice that something was bothering him. “Yeah?” you asked, looking at him. “You’re the only person that’s been there for me, through all the shit that’s happened in my life and I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for it” he rambled. “You don’t have to thank me, because I know how much it means to you” you smiled sympathetically. Sometimes his eyes reflected the sorrow he felt and it was truly upsetting to see. “I’m always going to be here. Forever and always” you continued, a promise you made when his mom passed away. In that moment, he realised something that had literally been staring him in the face. “I love you, as more than a best friend” he randomly blurted out. You couldn’t ignore the goose bumps that rose on your skin or the missed beat by your heart as you stared back at him. “I do too, but-” you began. “But as a friend” he finished for you, as his head dropped. “As more than a friend actually, but we’ll never be anything more” you claimed, sadness in your voice. “Why are you afraid to love me? Because everyone else I’ve loved dies, moves away or ends up hating me?” his biggest fear was always rejection. “I’m not afraid to love you Isaac. I’m only afraid to lose you” you said softly. “You wont lose me, we’ve been best friends for years and you’ve still got me” he cupped your cheeks gently. ”I just don’t want things to change” you sobbed, looking up at his blue eyes. “Change can be a good thing” he barely finished his sentences before you pressed your lips to his and wrapped your arms around his neck, like you were never going to let go. It was worth the wait, but who knew he would be your first and last love?

With the last of Lydia’s strength through all of her hurt, she stood up and approached the front with Allison. You had been friends forever and it was a horrible feeling having to let go of someone you thought would be with you forever, with the supernatural involved or not this was never how it was supposed to end. They began their speech together, taking it in turns to say something about your loss. “Your life still matters, even when you’re gone. Y/n still matters, she always has and she always will.The good die young because God needs them. He needs her. But so do we, I need her. Goodbyes hurt the most when people leave without saying them, and we all have to learn to accept that we’ll never hear one or have the chance to say goodbye for the last time. She was too pure for this hell we call life, but she was also too young to be taken so soon in such a tragic way. Today is one of those days where I wish I was a little girl, who could just crawl into my mother’s lap and cry until the hurt goes away. But I cant and even then I don’t believe the pain will ever go away. Y/n was a beautiful girl, she still is and I know she wouldn’t want to see us mourn forever. She was a firm believer in moving forward and as hard as it is, we have to try and do the same, if not for us, then for her. Her memory will forever live on and a piece of her extraordinary soul will be embedded in each of us. Thank you” Allison and Lydia were weeping as they walked back to their seats. They took their places beside Scott and Stiles and every pack member were met with their memories of you playing over in their minds, for the rest of your funeral.

Four months later

Lydia finished arranging a bunch of your favourite flowers on your grave, before standing up and meeting Allison’s tight embrace. There everyone stood: Scott, Stiles, Kira, Lydia, Allison, Ethan, Aiden, Derek- and Isaac. They visited you every chance they got, sometimes they’d visit on their own and talk to your gravestone for hours or they’d bring a fresh bunch of flowers. “I miss her” Stiles announced. He smiled for a second, remembering the time you would make him dress up as a princess when you were little. “We all do” Scott continued, remembering all the times you’d let him vent his anger to you, just before a full moon, to stop him from doing anything crazy. “Are you guys ready?” Kira asked softly, she hadn’t known you long but you had a huge impact on her life. They all said goodbye to you, before heading back to their cars. “ You coming?” Derek asked, noticing Isaac was still kneeling on the floor. “I’ll meet up with you guys later” he said. He waited until the others left to place a necklace down. Before you died, he had one engraved to celebrate your anniversary but he never had the chance to give it to you. For months it was sitting on his desk, but his grief was eating away at him. He stayed there for hours after. Some people thought Isaac never got over your death, others say he never will. But for now he clung to the image of being reunited with you one day, where you will be together. Forever.

I don’t know if I like this, thoughts? Requests are closed for now x

paralian - Jimin (Spring Day series)

Originally posted by gotjimin

(n.) one who lives by the sea

I have a best friend.

At least I think I did… once.

I used to live in a small town secluded from the cities. It was unimportant to most maps but it was there, idle and unknown to most. The population didn’t go over a hundred and everyone knew each other like old friends.

I remembered getting up early in the morning and biking up the hill a few minutes from the main town. Daeyang was located by the seaside and it was a place where serenity lay and where time seemed to move slowly; unlike in big cities where people always seemed to be rushing after something.

I remembered loving and hating the place. Hate because it was so small, so suffocating sometimes. I dreamt of leaving this town once I graduate and find a job in the city; maybe become a screenplay writer or even better an actress that starred in movies (which I would be writing, of course).

Daeyang was a place detached from that world; a world that excited me, fascinated me. Once a month, my uncle visits us and brings in things like movies and the latest technology that came out like those amazing video games and cellular phone units.

Jimin liked those games a lot.


The train zipped passed and I felt the wheels rumbling beneath my feet as it rolled through the tracks.

The skies were dark outside as I’ve taken a ride in the middle of the night; a shotgun decision I had made right next to snagging the very last chance passenger slot at the airport.

My heart beat in a slow rhythm, a contrast to the whirl of emotions stirring within me.

I watched the darkened fields whipping past; a never ending sea of grass, hills, and earth. I leant my head against the cold glass of the window as the train took me away from the city… far away from what I once thought was everything to me.


Flashback (Many years ago)

Y/N once had a best friend.

He was the son of two of the nicest people anyone could have ever met in their lifetime. Mr. and Mrs. Park were the couple who lived by the sea in a white picket-fenced house a few minutes from the main town of Daeyang; that is if you’re going by car or bike.

Y/N went there everyday and Jimin and she would play by the shore; or at some special days, he would come along with her to town and they would go to Y/N’s grandmother’s diner, where they usually get a free bowl of ice cream each.

Samchon brought new movies, Jiminie. We should go watch it at home.”

Jimin nodded enthusiastically, chocolate ice cream smearing across his mouth. Y/N chuckled and grabbed a napkin before lifting herself up to reach over the table and wipe his face clean.

Jimin grinned as he held up a peace sign, and she stuck out her tongue at him before pinching his chubby cheeks.

“Ow! Noona!“ Jimin whined as he swatted her hand away.

"You can try eating more neatly, you know. Don’t just inhale that all up! There’s still tomorrow, Jimin.”

“But it’s so good!” Jimin almost moaned as he took another spoonful of ice cream.

“Anyway, I heard this new one is really good! It’s starring my favourite actress!”

“You say that about everyone.” Jimin pointed out with his spoon.

“That’s cause they’re all great.” Y/N sighed dreamily as she showed him her notebook where all her favourite movies were written: their plots, cast, and even her thoughts and reviews about them. “I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

A princess taken hostage and brought to her undoing?” Jimin asked jokingly as he read the synopsis, and she threw a napkin to his face. He laughed, eyes turning into small slits.

“No. An actress.” Y/N said a matter of fact as she let her chin rest on her palms. “I would have to get out of this place first, though. And go to college, then audition for roles…”

Jimin remained silent, nodding. He had always been the best listener; never complaining even if she ranted about this place being too small or told him about her dreams which she probably narrated to him hundreds of times.

“Do you think I can? It seems like a lot to do.” She murmured haplessly and she didn’t expect him to answer but he did. And it was a sentence that got her through a lot of hardships that came in her life; like the time she got called too “ordinary” at an audition and got turned down so many times she had lost count.

“Yeah, of course, Y/N noona… You can do anything.”

End of flashback


The whistle pierced through my ears as the brakes hissed and screeched to a halt. I had fallen asleep for a moment and when I opened my eyes, it was already the twilight hour and the cabin I was in was empty.

I sat up instantly and grabbed my duffle bag, the only one I brought for this spontaneous trip.

Stepping down from the train, I was met by the cool autumn wind along with a memory that threatened to suffocate me—making my chest twist in aching sadness upon the sight of the familiar station.



“You’re going to write, okay? And if you get a hold of a phone, call me.”

Jimin was silent as he hugged Y/N, nodding against the juncture where her neck and shoulders met. He hadn’t said a word since the ride to the station, quiet and looking a little downhearted.

Y/N was eighteen while Jimin was sixteen when she left town to pursue her dreams. Jimin was still in high school thus couldn’t quite leave yet but he promised…he promised he’d follow. And that she should think of this as only a temporary separation.

Noona…don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying.” Y/N slapped his chest lightly even though tears were already filling her eyes and staining her cheeks.

“I’ll…follow.” Jimin said with a small smile to reassure her. “I’ll come meet you.”

“You better.” Y/N said before hugging him tightly again.

Inside the train, Y/N sat by the window and saw Jimin standing there by the edge of the platform, smiling up at her. The engine rumbled as the train began to move and Y/N felt elated as her journey to her dreams began. But also a little saddened by the fact that her best friend couldn’t be there beside her.

Jimin walked alongside the train as it moved, even running slightly as it trudged faster through the tracks. Y/N’s palms were pressed flat against the glass as she felt herself move father away from him, keeping her eyes on him the whole time.

Jimin stopped at the end of the platform, panting as he watched the train zip fast. Y/N frowned as his form became smaller and smaller, but reminded herself that this was only temporary and that they would see each other again. And so she lay back on her seat, thinking about the wonderful things she’ll be doing in the city.

Little did she know that Jimin had sunk to his knees at her loss, panting and gripping his chest as pain flared in his heart, causing his heart to beat erratically and his breathing turning abnormally shallow.

End of flashback


The town was quiet as the blue hour reached its last moments. Everything looked familiar yet different; from the shops lining the streets I used to go to, to the feeling of emptiness and strange detachment as it’s been years since I’ve been here.

Seven years, to be exact.

I passed by the old shoe salon and smiled slightly, remembering the white sneakers I had brought Jimin for his tenth birthday. I could still remember that day; how the smile lit up his face and probably the whole town. I’ve never seen anyone so happy to be receiving a pair of shoes before. His happiness made it worth it as I spent my money saving up for it instead of saving it for a trip with my uncle to the city.

Seeing Jimin smiling and happy was always worth it.

My smile faltered when I reached the diner. Halmeoni passed a couple of years before I left and it was a big blow considering she was the one who took care of me after my parents died at sea when I was two. She was my only family apart from my uncle, and when she had gone, it felt like a part of me was taken away.

The diner was open and it was currently run by a boy named Kim Jongdae, who was a good family friend. I couldn’t take over the business as I had planned on leaving, so we gave it to the Kim’s who took it whole heartedly for grandma’s sake.

I would come in say hello, but later. Right now, there was someone I needed to see.



“Hey Dan, anything for me?”

Dan was the neighbourhood’s post man and delivered mail on a weekly basis. Y/N looked forward to his arrival as she always anticipated Jimin’s letters.

“Sorry Y/N, none for today.”

Y/N’s shoulder slumped at his words and told him to have a good day before saying goodbye and walking up to her dorm room.

It’s been two years since she arrived in L.A. After finishing college in Seoul, she flew to the states after being offered an internship at a production house. Y/N took it, finding it an opportunity to purse her Hollywood dreams.

She had gotten used to her new life after a year and half, which was more busy and harsh compared to her life back in South Korea. She was a small town girl suddenly thrown into the city life and it was overwhelming at first, but she had met some friends who helped her get around and soon Y/N moved around a city like she had been here for years, easily fitting in and getting around.

But the more she got used to it, the more, she realised, her old life slipped away from her grasp. And she tried so hard to keep that connection intact, but she wasn’t the one who had intentionally let go…

It’s been two years and Jimin should have graduated by now and followed as he promised. But he didn’t. In fact, he had stopped writing completely, leaving Y/N confused and clueless as to the reason why.

Time passed and life got even busier and Y/N couldn’t have waited for the mail to come forever. There came to a point that she no longer anticipated Dan’s arrival.

There came to a point where she had just given up on Jimin. Because it seemed like he had already given up on her…

He had already forgotten her.

End of flashback


By the time I arrived at the familiar hill, the sun was already peeking in the horizon, lighting up the sky.

Trudging up the small hill, I let out a gasp when I saw the expanse of blue waters and right at the bottom of the hill I was standing on was a familiar white house.

My heart hammered in my chest as I made my way down and upon arriving at the front door, I chewed on my lip as I knocked and waited for an answer.

I was almost afraid that I would be wrong and that the Park’s no longer lived here. But my source said they never left and I wasn’t sure what to feel when the door swung open and revealed a woman who was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

“Y/N?” She asked in surprise and I confirmed that she was indeed the person I knew. Before I could speak, the woman had grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace. I almost cried right there.

Mrs. Park had aged a little in the seven years that I haven’t seen her. She now had wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and strands of white scattered across her hair. But she was still the gorgeous lady I remembered.

“Yes it’s me.” I murmured against her shoulder before letting go. “How are you, umma-ni?”

Mrs. Park smiled at the term. I’ve always called her mother even if I wasn’t her daughter by blood. Simply because she had known me since I was a baby and I was at their place most of the time I could’ve been mistaken as one of the Park’s.

“It’s been so long. You have grown so much. So beautiful!” She said as she touched my hair and I felt like I was twelve again when she braided my hair while Jimin stood and watched saying how having long hair seem so tiring and high maintenance.

Jimin, I suddenly thought and like a mother, Mrs. Park sensed the reason why I came.

“He’s out back. You know where.”


As I walked through the familiar sandy path towards the beach, I thought about what to say once I see him.

There were so many things going on in my head but mostly words of hate and disappointment for having cut off ties with me after all those years stood at the forefront. I may have left but he was the one who stopped writing.

He gave up first.

But was that really a reason to give up on him too?, a small voice in my head said, knowing I could have taken a flight back and visited if I wanted to. But I knew I couldn’t have considering right after college, work has imprisoned me in a cage of unending deadlines and workload.

I worked at a production company in Hollywood after having given up on auditioning for roles. I couldn’t take keep doing it only to get rejected every single time. I needed money to survive, and a stable job was the only thing that could give me that.

So I worked behind the scenes as a production assistant and climbed up the ranks. It was slow but I was able to do it and currently I was now the one holding auditions. It seemed that I had a knack for seeing talent and so my career took on a slight turn and I became a casting director slash producer.

Through the sleepless nights of shooting and writing, and full days of auditioning hundreds of hopeful actors and actresses, I barely found time to sit and watch my favorite movies or write back letters which I knew would be left unanswered.

Time, and life in general simply made us grow apart.

The autumn wind blew and I hugged my arms to keep warm. It was much colder here considering the sea breeze was stronger. But it was fresher; so different from the air I’m used to breathing back in L.A.

Upon reaching the beach, I saw a form sitting by the shoreline.

It was a boy wearing a striped sweater and jean shorts. He was hugging his legs to his chest, chin lying comfortably on his knees as he watched the waves lapping on the shore.

I felt my chest tighten at the sight for right there was Park Jimin, my best friend.

At least, to me he still was.

I walked down the beach, approaching him and he must’ve sensed my presence for he looked back and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights as I halted in place.

Jimin looked at me blankly before recognition dawned on his face and his eyes widened slightly, causing him to stand up shakily from the sands. We stood there just staring at each other for a while and I couldn’t help but observe the changes since I last saw him.

He had grown a lot taller and his face had matured. No longer were chubby cheeks, now replaced by eminent cheekbones and a sharp jaw line.

Jimin was no longer the boy I once knew and loved. He was now a man that was both familiar and a stranger to my eyes.

“Y/N?” Jimin asked in disbelief, breaking the eerie silence between us and I almost cried at the sound of my name coming out of his mouth. “You—what are you doing here?“

His question pierced my heart as it sounded like he didn’t even want me here. I planned on saying hello first; to ease into the conversation but the emotions whirling inside of me at the sight of him was too strong that I couldn’t help the sharpness of my tongue.

"I’m surprised you still know me.” I said bitterly. “I thought I might need to introduce myself again.”

Jimin frowned deeply at that. “Y/N—”

“Because I wrote letters, Jimin. But you didn’t write back.” I said and Jimin swallowed hard, looking guilty. “Why?”

Jimin didn’t answer for a while and I wanted to shake him so he’d show more emotions rather than that blank and kind of lost expression on his face.

“I didn’t because… I couldn’t do my promise.” He replied. "I’ve come to realize that this place…is where I belong. So I stayed here and helped out my parents instead.”

I pressed my lips together in a thin line, feeling pained at the fact that he had the courage to lie to me like that.

“You could have answered back at least? Told me that?” I said, voice breaking at the last word.

“I knew you were busy with your new life in LA. I… I didn’t want to be a bother.”

“A bother.” I echoed and I saw something break in his blank expression. “You didn’t want to be a bother so you just cut off ties with me just like that?” I chuckled humorlessly. “You chose to forget me instead.”

“I…” Jimin looked like he was running out of excuses to say and so I went on ahead to make it easier for him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

Jimin snapped up at my words and I saw fear flash briefly in his eyes. His lower lip quivered as he opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. He probably didn’t expect I would know.

But I did.

It was a couple of days ago when I met with Hana, an old classmate in high school; one of the good friends I had apart from Jimin from Daeyang. We caught up for a bit and I discovered she recently moved here to the states to live with her American husband.

“Oh how are you and Jimin? Aren’t you two like… inseparable back then?”

That’s when I told her that I didn’t contact him anymore and that we ceased writing to each other a few years ago. I told her how Jimin probably forgot about me and decided to stay by the sea instead. He seemed to love it more over there anyway.

At my words, Hana looked surprised and told me things that made everything do a 360-degree turn.

She told me that Jimin’s had a heart problem from as early as he was born, one that caused blood to pump irregularly through his body. It was manageable while he was still young, probably why I never noticed. And he only needed to stay away from activities that required exerting too much effort.

Suddenly, I remembered how Jimin got tired so easily when we used to play.

Hana continued on and when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it just did when she told me that Jimin had cancer. They found out about the blood disease a couple of years right after I left…which was also the time he had stopped responding to my letters.

That night, I drove straight to the airport and grabbed whatever flight was available to South Korea and flew here.

And now that I was standing before him, I couldn’t help but feel weakened as the truth stared me in the face.

“Jimin.” I called and he closed his eyes. My eyes pricked with tears as I stared at his face. He was so pale, and he had become so thin since the last time I saw him. So very thin.

Thinking about that made me guilty; made me feel like a total jerk because for years, I never contacted him having been busy with my own life. I never even saw this; saw the real reason as to why he wouldn’t come to the city and pursue his own dreams. For years, I believed that he intended that we grow apart.

But he wasn’t the boy who lived by the sea by choice.

I knew that now.

Jimin looked away from me, the wind blowing through his hair as we stood there on the shore. I wanted to step in and hug him but I was frozen in place.

“I… I didn’t want you to feel burdened.” Jimin finally spoke and it seemed like the beach had gone quiet, his voice echoing through my ears. “You told me so much about your dreams… the things you wanted to do once you got out of here, and I wanted you to reach them so badly. I wanted you to succeed so much I was willing to…” He paused, shaking his head. “I wanted you to leave without anything holding you back.”

“You promised me you were going to follow.” I said, feeling hot tears flowing down my cheeks. “Even when you already knew you wouldn’t be able to. I would’ve understood! If you would have just told me—”

“I didn’t want you to feel burdened.” Jimin simply repeated and hot—angry—tears burst out of my eyes.

“But you made me think you didn’t care anymore, Jimin!” I shouted at him and he winced, the pain eminent on his face. “I believed it for years and then you just stopped writing and I…I thought you hated me and then I find out you—” I gasped out and Jimin had his lips pressed tightly together as if preventing his own tears to come. “You were my best friend, Jimin. And for years I believed I was nothing to you.”

“No.” Jimin shook his head, chest heaving slightly as he took a step closer to me. “Of course not, Y/N! You were my best friend too. You—you mean everything to me.”

“Then you should’ve told me the truth.” I said as I turned from him, crossing my arms stubbornly.

Silence hovered over us until I heard a soft thud that made me turn around. My eyes widened when I saw Jimin kneeling on the sand, clutching at his chest.


I immediately went over to him, kneeling down and grabbing his face as it contorted in pain. My heart hammered in my chest in panic and I was about to call out for help when Jimin’s hand held my cheek; his touch cold yet gentle.

“I’m okay,” he reassured as he huffed out with a smile, thought it looked like he was trying hard to look okay for my  sake. “I’m just…” he breathed out and smiled up at me. “So happy to see you again.”

Another tear fell from my eye and Jimin caught it with his thumb.

“I’ve missed you, Y/N. I’ve missed you so much it hurts.”

Looking at his pale cheeks and chapped lips, I could no longer stop myself and the sobs bubbled out of my chest. I closed the distance between us and hugged him. Jimin’s arms wrapped around my waist and hugged me just as tightly; as if afraid that if he let go, I’d disappear.

“I’m sorry.” I sobbed against his shoulder. “I’ve missed you too. God. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

We stayed there just hugging, kneeling on the sands as the waves gently kissed the shoreline. Right then, I never realized just how incomplete I was until Jimin filled that spot that’s been empty all this time; making me whole again.


Jimin and I fell into our usual ways like the seven years spent apart never happened. We spent our days walking by the beach as Jimin needed to do some exercise at least a few hours a day, as well as a breath of fresh air. It was one of the reasons why he couldn’t leave the place. It was mostly for medical reasons.

From the time we spent, I learned that Jimin found out about the cancer—Leukaemia—a couple of years back and that he stopped responding to treatments since last year. He said it like it was a completely normal thing to say when hearing it made me want to break down and cry.

“I saw the movies you worked in.” Jimin said one night, as we were sitting by the shoreline with a bonfire as our source of warmth. We were wrapped up in a blanket, sharing only one as Jimin cheekily suggested body heat was better so we ought to just share. Now here we were side by side, wrapped up in one soft and comfortable blanket as the stars shone brightly above us.

I snorted. “You watched movies while here?”

“Hey, we might not have phone signal here but we’ve managed to improve a little.”

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“We have cable now.”

At that I laughed and leant my head against his shoulder. The cackling of the fire filled the dead air as I stared at the darkened and still sea.

“We lost so much time together.” I suddenly said and I felt Jimin sigh. “I can’t possibly bring those years back.”

“That was my fault, I guess. I didn’t mean to make you think I forgot about you. Because I didn’t Y/N. I thought about you everyday.”

I smiled at his words and hugged his arm. “I thought about you too…even if I hated your guts.”

Jimin chuckled at that and pressed closer to her. “How are your auditions coming along? I mean I know you’re a casting director so you’re on the inside now and that’s great, right?”

“Oh.” I paused, realizing I haven’t told him about giving up on the actress dream. “I…I don’t audition anymore.”

Jimin looked down at me with a frown. “Why not?”

I sighed. “Well, because Hollywood is much harsher than we thought. There were prettier girls to cast and the competition is deadly. I became a casting director instead and it isn’t so bad. I like my job a lot. The movies ought to have better faces on the screen anyways and I’m happy to help them find it.“

There was a pause before I felt myself being turned. Jimin faced me and cupped my cheeks, his thumb caressing my cheeks tenderly.

"That’s a lie. You are the most beautiful and talented girl I’ve ever known. And if Hollywood can’t see that then it’s their loss.”

I looked into his eyes and something shifted. All of a sudden, I wasn’t just staring at Park Jimin, my childhood best friend. I was staring at a man who called me beautiful, who held me like I was as fragile as glass and looked at me like he would rather look at only me for the rest of eternity.



And our lips met halfway.

As we kissed, I thought how funny it was that I never even realized how in love I was with him. I’ve been in love with Jimin for years…I just never worded it out.

“You have no idea…” He gasped out against my lips. “How long I’ve wanted to kiss you.”

“Since when?” I asked teasingly as I pecked his lips once more, making him smile.

“Since you wiped off the chocolate ice cream from my mouth when I was twelve.”

At that I laughed and kissed him more passionately, thinking how I unconsciously wanted to kiss him then too.

My hand made its way to his chest and I felt the rapid beating of his heart, calling my attention.

“Jimin,” I gasped out and his lips slid to my cheek then down to my jaw, kissing it tenderly. “You shouldn’t,” I tapped his chest lightly. “Are you okay?”

Jimin moved back a little to look me in the eye; his lips swollen, cheeks redder than I’ve seen it since I got here, and eyes full of love and adoration it shook me to the core. He took my hand and placed it above his heart, which was beating quite fast.

“It always beats like this for you.” He murmured and I wanted to cry from happiness then. “You make me breathless… in a good way.”

And with that I leant down and kissed him again, with the moon and the stars as the only witnesses to our love.


Jimin and I spent the next three months in our own little paradise; making up for the years spent apart while loving each other in a way we both have wanted to for so long.

Jimin put on a smile on his face everyday despite the fact that his disease was eating him up little by little. We all knew he only had a few months left before his sickness finally took over him, and I set the sadness aside and thought that how he would want to spend his days being happy…and seeing me smiling along with him.

From my arrival at fall, winter came and we had the best Christmas together. We spent it with family and some of our old friends.

By January, the jolliness of the season dispersed as the new year brought new complications from Jimin’s sickness. Sometime in the middle of the month, Jimin began to have trouble getting up and walking. But he still managed to do so and we would walk by the beach every morning and sit there by the shore just watching the waves and telling each other stories.

By February, things got worse as Jimin weakened and it was getting difficult to look at him as his face paled even more and his body weight dropped.

“You know he has never been happier since you came. I hope you know that.” Mrs. Park said to me one day when she caught me staring at Jimin who was sleeping soundly on the chair at the front porch.

I laid a blanket over him to keep him warm before sitting beside him and leaning my head on his shoulder. Jimin stirred and leant his head over mine, his hand easily finding mine to hold beneath the blanket. It was so natural, the way our bodies gravitated towards one another and it hurts to know this moment couldn’t last forever.


“Can we sit?” Jimin asked while walking down the beach and I helped him on the sand before sitting beside him.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he nodded, looking at me with a small smile. He was so pale today and I couldn’t help but feel a sinking feeling in my chest at the sight.

“You know I always wondered why this had to happen to me.” He said and I glanced at him with a frown. “Why the heavens just made me sick and decided to take me in earlier than most.”

I bit my lip to keep the tears at bay and let him speak.

“To be honest, I’ve accepted it a long time ago. I was sick since I was born. My heart has never been normal… but I still wondered why. Why me…?”

“Maybe…” I swallowed hard, having difficulty holding in my tears. I agreed with him that it was unfair. He was so young—23-years-old and at the prime of his youth to be sick and dying. “Maybe the heavens have something better planned for you.”

“Hmm.” Jimin nodded, considering it. “You believe in the after life?”

“I do.” I said, trying to keep him—and myself—hopeful.

Jimin nodded. “But I still hate it.”

“Being sick?” To my surprise, Jimin shook his head.

“No… Leaving you.”

I closed my eyes painfully shut as tears flowed from my eyes and I shook my head at him, trying to deny the truth that was already predetermined. He was dying and there was no stopping it.

“I love you, Y/N.” He said as he kissed my forehead tenderly and I cried even more as it felt like a goodbye. “You are and will always will be the only one I’ll ever love.”

“I love you too.” I whispered. “I love you too.”


A few days later, Jimin and I sat by our usual spot on the beach and he seemed more tired than usual. He hardly spoke and I had to half-carry him to the beach even if I strongly protested he just stay inside the house. But Jimin was determined and pleaded to go the shorelines and who was I to say no?

We sat there silently, with Jimin’s head nestled against my shoulder.

“Y/N?” He spoke after a long while and my lips quivered as I answered.


“You keep auditioning, alright? Don’t give up.”

A tear slipped from my eye as I nodded weakly. “I— I won’t.“

"And be happy.” I nodded again, unable to speak.

"I love you.” He added and it was almost a whisper.

“I love you too.”

There was a pause as he shifted slightly, his breathing seeming too loud in my ears despite the sound of the waves lapping on the shore surrounding us.

“Y/N, I’m tired…”

I let my hand hold the side of his face and kissed the crown of his head before leaning my cheek against him.

“Sleep, love.” I said, voice shaking as I kept my eyes on the waves. “It’s okay. I love you so much, Jimin.“

If I was looking down at him then, I knew he would’ve smiled.

Tears fell from my eyes like rain the moment I felt him too still, his breathing no longer audible.

Jimin.“ I gasped out as the reality of the situation dawned on me. I let myself hold his still form, hugging him tightly with his head nestled against my chest as I cried out in grief. I could no longer feel the beating of his heart and it felt like the life was being sucked out of me. My whole body shook as I sobbed and it felt like the world was ending…

Simply because my world was no longer here.


(5 years later - Winter)

"And the Academy goes to…”

Time seemed to stop as the people around me stood and applauded, looking down at me with bright smiling faces.

My mouth hung open, unbelieving my name had been called out and my manager, Kristine, was the one who pulled me off my seat and practically dragged me to the stage to accept the Oscar.

I won. I won best supporting actress.

I took the trophy with shaking hands, and thanked the announcer before finally facing the crowd. I gave out my speech which I had written the night before, considering I never really expected to get the award, not with my fellow nominees being so great in their respective films.

I went on to thank the people that made this film possible; from producers, directors, and writers.

“Lastly, I would like to thank that one person who never stopped believing in me. He’s…he’s the reason I am here fulfilling my dream and I couldn’t have done anything without him.”

I leant back from the mic and blew a kiss to the heavens, whispering, “I love you Jimin. We did it.”

And the crowd gave me another round of applause.



Most days I miss him.

It took a long while before the pain subsided into a quiet longing; my heart aching at anything that reminded me of him.

But as I promised him, I went on living and continued to pursue my dreams. It was two years later after Jimin passed when I got a callback and eventually got a role starring next to some big shot movie stars. It was my big break, and everything went on from there.

Five years later, last winter to be exact, I won an Oscar for my most recent film and I was thankful and humbled by the blessing though at the back of my head, I knew I would trade it for a chance to see him again without a second thought.

To be with him again.

But life always did give you a hard time, but never without reason. If it weren’t for Jimin… if I hadn’t come back to him, I wouldn’t have realized how I was wasting my time living someone else’s dream. He reminded me of who I was… the person I had lost when we grew apart. I owed him everything and I knew the only way to repay him was to keep going… to keep living and being happy.



“This is also so unfair to you. You didn’t even have a chance to live your dreams.” I said to him and Jimin merely chuckled before approaching. He hugged me from behind; his chin nestling on the my shoulder and his arms caging me as his hands lay on the wooden rail of the front porch.

“Of course I did. Seeing you happy and successful was all I could ever want.” Jimin said as he kissed my bare shoulder. “Don’t you see? You are my dream, Y/N.”

End of flashback


I sat down on the sand and opened my notebook. It was a special one for not only did I write about my favourite films here… it’s also where I kept all the polaroids I had taken with Jimin in his last days.

I turned to the last page where my favorite photo laid, and it was a picture of Jimin looking over his shoulder with a small smile. A smile that was neither sad or completely elated…

It was a smile that said, “Be happy.”

A look that said, “I’ll miss you. But we’ll be okay.”

I miss you, I thought as I looked out at the sea and felt the warmth of spring hovering over me like a cloud. I realized then that like the seasons, pain and darkness were never meant to be eternal.

But our love was.

And so yes, I’ll be okay.


I rarely feel proud of the short stories I write but this one made me really happy and proud. I hope you guys liked it! <3

Come scream at me keke~ Thanks for reading! And please anticipate the other Spring day stories. <3

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The way I see love is kind of a little more fatalistic which means to me that when I meet someone and we have a connection, the first thought I really have is ‘when this is over, I hope you think well of me.’
—  Taylor Swift on the meaning behind “Wildest Dreams”
Goodbye... (M)

Request-  Hi my sweetie sweet pea! I would like to request a namjoon smut about he’s going away from you nd y’all are passionate lovemaking the night before he leaves! Thank you! I love youuuuu!!  

Sorry this took so long!! Thank you so much for requesting!!  

This scenario contains sexual and mature themes, you have been warned!


Originally posted by you-made-me-again

Goodbye’s were the worst, always were. You despised them. You hated having to say goodbye to someone you loved. Saying goodbye always meant it was farewell, will we see each other again? You didn’t want to know the answer, certainly not when the person you would be saying goodbye to was, Kim Namjoon. The man you were oh so madly in love with. 

Two weeks ago he had informed you he would be leaving for New York, for a year or more. It was a mix of emotions, you were happy because he was moving up in the world, living his dream. You were so proud of him, but he was leaving. Your heart shank like the titanic. 

Your mind raced with so many scenarios popped up in your head. What if he fell in love with someone else? What if he fell out of love with you? There was too many to comprehend. 

So you told him you thought it would be best if you broke up.. 


“I said, I think we-” Namjoon cut you off. 

“I heard what you said, I just don’t understand why those words are coming out of your mouth.” He spat out, the annoyance evident in his voice. Namjoon glare forced you to look at the floor, taken your hands out of his. 

“I..I love you so much Namjoon, so so much. Please don’t think I’m making up shit to break up with you. I just.. I just don’t think I’ll be able to hold it together. I know it’s selfish of me, but Namjoon your an amazing person and I just know so many people are going to be all over you. I just don’t want to be sitting here thinking your with other people, or that you’ve fallen for someone else..” 

By the end of your speech you cheeks were streaked with tears, your hands shaking, like your voice. You looked up to Namjoon’s face. He had a soft expression upon his features, his hand reaching up to wipe away your tears. 

“Baby… I would- I could never fall out of love with you. I know a year is a long time, and it could be longer… I don’t want to lose you though.” Namjoon pulled you into a hug, your head on his chest, hands clenching on his shirt you continued to cry. His hands rubbed soothing circles into your back. 

That was the last time you spoke to him, since he told you. He called, texted and sat outside your door for hours, begging you to open the door. But you couldn’t. You hated goodbyes, they sucked. 

You slowly walked up the stairs to your apartment, dragging your feet. You had your head down, counting your steps to take your mind off of Namjoon. Whom was a consistent visitor in your head. 

You sigh, relived to finally be home. Walking down the narrow hallway to your door. You fumble with your keys, stepping around the corner to your door. 

“Y/N.” You freeze, the all to know husky voice stopping you. You slowly looked up to find a nervous looking Namjoon. He looked exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes. Your heart lunged for him, you just wanted to hold him tight in your arms. 

“What are you doing here, Namjoon? I thought you were meant to leave today?” You walk past him, opening your door. You walk in, heading to the kitchen to put your shopping down. Namjoon followed, closing the door behind him. 

“I leave late tonight.” He said so low you almost didn’t hear it. 

“Why are you here?” You asked again. It’s not that you didn’t want to see him, it was more along the lines of, if you got a hold of him, you wouldn’t be letting him go.” 

“I don’t want to leave you like that, leave us like that.” Namjoon stepped closer to you, but hesitated. Stopping when your raised a hand. 

“You’re making this harder. Please.. just go.” You whispered out, pleading with him. Namjoon ran a hand through his silky hair. 

“You don’t think this is hard on me too?” He shouted. “Do you even understand how hard this is for me too? To be leaving the girl I’m so fucking madly in love with for so long, and to have her not even let me look at her. To have her not even let me hold her to a second. If I had know the last time i hugged you would be the last, I would have held on tighter, for longer.” 

Your heart was bursting in your chest. You were just thinking about your own heart, not thinking how hard this was going to be for Namjoon too. 

“S-sorry, I just don’t know what to do.” You whisper out, not wanting to hurt him more then you already have. You walk over to him wrapping your arms around his waist, pulling him tightly against you. You inhaled his comforting scent, basking in the comfort he gave you. The days of crying fading away. 

His hands wrapping around you, his head nuzzling into your head. Leaving you a soft kiss at the top of your head. You lifted your head up, his eyes gazing into yours with confusion. You lean up, pushing your lips together with his. 

“Let’s say a proper goodbye.” You push your lips against his again, moving your lips against his this time. Your hands smoothing up his body to wrap around his neck. You were beginning to lose yourself in Namjoon’s touch. 

Namjoon knew your body like no one else. He knew all your sweet spots, like the back of his hand. His hands trailing down your body to land on your ass, squeezing firmly, before hoisting you on to the kitchen counter. 

His touch was leaving tingles in its wake. Lighting up a flame in your body, that only Namjoon could ignite. His tongue slipped into your mouth, dominating it. His kiss, his touch it was as if he was showing his love to you by touch. He had explained his love for you in words, but you weren’t listening, ignoring the love. 

Whereas Namjoon was showcasing it. Showing you he loved you with his whole being with a kiss. A passionate kiss that left you breathless, moaning when he pulled back. His eyes sparkled with lust and love. 

His eyes said everything, he didn’t need to say a word. You reached down for the hem of his shirt, keeping your eyes locked on his the whole time. Pulling it over his head, letting it fall to the kitchen floor, exposing the beautiful body that arouses you with just the sight of it. His toned torso never failed to arouse you. 

You followed suit, taking your own top off. Letting it drop to the floor, along with Namjoons. Namjoons eyes traced along the curve of your breasts, your collar bones, your waist, licking his lips at the sight. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that. Your body is so fucking sexy.” Namjoon complimented, leaning in to kiss your neck. “So gorgeous.” He whispered, kissing down your neck, collar bones. His soft lips making your skin hot.  

His hands reached behind your, unclasping your bra. He pulled it down, kissing the newly exposed skin. His large hands reaching up to take fistfuls of your breasts. His plump lips leaving kisses on them. 

“Namjoon.” You moan his name out, as Namjoon nips at your breasts, leaving little love bits. Your fingers tread through his silky hair, tugging on the ends when he nipped a too hard. Moaning in pleasure, nonetheless. 

“Come on baby.” Namjoon swept you up bridal style, like you were nothing. Carrying you down the hall to your bedroom. A room you and Namjoon spent many happy days and lust filled nights. 

Namjoon set you down softly. He kicked off his shoes, opening his jeans pulling them down along with his boxers. Leaving him completely bare in front of you. Namjoon smirked down at you, watching you eye fuck him. 

“Like what you see. baby?” Namjoon climbed on the bed, hovering over you. He started by kissing your nose, your lips, your neck, chest, stomach. He stopped when he reached your jeans. His eyes flicking up to yours, leaving one last kiss on your hip, before unbuttoning your jeans. You lift your hips to help him slip them off easier.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Namjoon mutters, pulling your jeans down your hips. He leaves open mouthed kisses every inch he pulls down. Eventually they’re on the floor, along with your panties. 

Namjoon settled in between your legs, kissing up your thighs. Inching closer and closer to your wet pussy. He blew softly, making you hiss out. He kissed your mound, before kissing you wet pussy. 

“mhmm.” You hummed out in satisfaction, happy to finally have his lips where you need them most. Namjoon kitten licked at your clit, leaving soft kisses now and then, before he started to suck on your clit. 

You were starting to pant, his skillful tongue making an orgasm arise. Your hands reached for the sheets, your fists clenching around the sheets. Namjoon decided to slip a finger in your dripping core, pumping it slowly in and out. 

“Oh, fuck.. Just like that, Joonie.” You pant out. Namjoon hands grab handfuls of your ass, surly to leave bruises. But it all just added to your pleasure. Namjoon added another finger, pumping faster and faster, his mouth moving against your clit. Sucking and nipping at it. 

“Cum all over my tongue, baby.” Namjoon mumbled against your pussy, the vibrations and his voice making you let go. Giving into the pleasure, letting it take over your body. Namjoon rode out your high, his face covered in your pussy juices. 

“Fuck, that was.. amazing.” You were in a trance, staring at Namjoons face. He crawled back up your body, hovering over you. He gazed into your eyes. 

“I’m not done yet, baby.” He smiled, leaning down to press a loving kiss against your lips. You widen your legs, to let Namjoon fit in between them better. He let his erect dick slip up and down your pussy, collecting your juices. 

He slowly eased his tip into you wet pussy, slowly pushing in inch by inch. His head leaning against your shoulder. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Namjoon grunted out, his hips stated to move against yours. Pumping his dick slowly in and out of your pussy. His strong arms on either side of your head. 

“H-harder.” You panted out. Namjoon complied, his thrusts getting harder, pounding into your pussy. With every thrust your erect nipples were grazing against Namjoons hard chest.

His hands found yours, intertwining your fingers together. His fore head pressing against yours, eyes gazing into one another’s. You wrapped your legs around his waist, to bring him closer to you. 

“I want you to c-cum inside me.” You pant out, your push your lips against his. 

“Are you sure baby?” You just nod in response, your pussy clenching hard around his dick. “Fuck, Y/N!” He moaned out, but you couldn’t help it, your orgasm hitting your hard. Your hands tightened around Namjoon’s, nails digging into his hands. 

“Namjoon!”  You scream out, your head lolling back. Giving Namjoon access to your neck, leaving little kisses. His own orgasm hitting him, his seed spilling into your pussy. 

Namjoon thrusts hard a few more times panting your name, before collapsing on top on you. Both of you are panting, trying to catch your breaths. Namjoon wrapped his arms around your waist, his head on your chest. You run your hands through his hair, soothing. 

“I love you so much.” 

“I love you too, Joonie.” You drifting off into a sleep. 

“I’m coming back for you.” Namjoon softly whispered, kissing your chest. 

I’ll update the Materlist tomorrow, I’m super tired right now!! Night baby xx 

-Admin Abe x 

“Woah, there.” Hide slipped his fingers into Kaneki’s belt loop and pulled him back under the breezeway.


Hide would always be impressed by how Kaneki could say his name like the word itself was an admonishment. He looped his arms around Kaneki’s waist and pulled him against his chest. “I can’t believe you were going to leave without kissing me goodbye,” he pouted.

Kaneki blushed and lowered his eyes, looking away. “Not here.”

“Why not?”

“Someone could see.”

Keep reading

The Secret Killer

Request:Then may I please request a bit of angst? Perhaps with Daryl seeing his girl get shot down from some where while in a fight. When he gets to the area shes not there, an when he finally finds her shes fine it just hit her arm she just ended up tripping on her foot and thats what caused her to fall.


 "What the hell is that?“ I asked as I saw tanks emerging from the trees. 

 "It’s starting.” Beth whispered. Everyone was extremely quiet as we watched the governor and his army. They weren’t saying anything either, they were just standing and waiting for one of us to make our move. 

 "You okay?“ Daryl whispered as he came running up behind me.

 "Yeah, I think so.” I whispered back. 

 "I love you.“ He said and grabbed ahold of my hand squeezing it quickly and then dropping it. 

 "I love you too.” I said in a low voice and hoped to God that we would make it out of this one. 

 "I’ll always find you.“ He reminded me and pecked me quickly on the temple. 

 "I hope so.” I sighed and closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready to give up our home, it wasn’t time to say goodbye. We’ve made so much here and the thought of leaving made me sick. 

 The governor and Rick were yelling through the fences, while Daryl was secretly passing out guns for us to use. 

 "We’ll figure this out, we have a council and we’ll figure things out aright?“ Rick tried to bargain. 

 "Is Hershel part of the council? What about Michonne?” Someone went to a car and pulled Hershel out, followed by Michonne. 

My stomach instantly dropped and I thought I was going to be sick. Rick ran down to the governor and tried to negotiate, but he wasn’t having it. I looked over at Daryl, who was already looking at me. We both nodded at each other and looked back to our target. 

 I thought everything was going fine until the governor lifted Michonne’s sword and swung, causing it to slice into Hershel’s neck. 

 The screams of Beth and Maggie sent chills down my back, and in this moment all I wanted was to kill the governor myself. Guns from our side began to fire as the tanks were advancing in our direction. This was it, everything would soon be over, whether I made it out or not. 

 I decided I didn’t have a good chance of getting any kills from where I was, so I booked it across the courtyard. 

 I was now behind a car, I could easily be a target, but this was better than my last position. I picked up my gun and aimed, knocking down my target instantly. I got a few more before I turned to a new one, but her gun was already pointed at me. I shot once and quickly moved before I was shot down, but I wasn’t fast enough.

 A noise escaped my mouth, it wasn’t a scream, it was more of a gasp. I tripped over my own feet, and when I hit the ground I saw that my arm was covered in blood, I’d been shot. Something in me told me I couldn’t stay, so I picked myself up and bolted towards the woods. I would attack them from behind.

 *Daryl’s P.O.V*

 I heard a noise escape from someone’s mouth, and when I looked, it was Y/N. She went down and I’m pretty sure I started to scream, but I wasn’t sure. I had to get to her, I had to. I didn’t care about me at this point, so I just went.

 When I got there she wasn’t anywhere in my sight, which made me even more nervous. I felt sick to my stomach, I didn’t even know what happened, and all different scenarios were playing in my mind.  I kept shooting, all from anger, and all my targets feel to the ground. 

 I wasn’t understanding why people were starting to fall forward instead of backwards, and they were all in a row. I heard the screams of someone yelling the words “In the woods! They’re in the woods!” I looked through the scope of my sniper and didn’t see anything except more people droppin’ like flies.

 Three men ran back to the woods to catch a glimpse of the killer, but three shots were heard and nothing more. 

 "Daryl I can’t find Maggie!“ Beth yelled as she came running towards me. 

 "Beth we gotta go.” I said pulling open a grenade and throwing it inside of the tank. Beth and I took off running towards the woods, all I could hope was that I would find Y/N somewhere out there.

 Beth and I sat around the fire, she was goin’ on and on ‘bout havin’ hope or faith or whatever, but I couldn’t stop thinkin’ 'bout Y/N. 

 "Well find her Daryl. I know we will.“ She said nodding her head. 

 I couldn’t say nothin’, I was too worked up about what coulda happened to her. "Did you hear that?” Beth started whispering. I looked up and sure enough I heard cracklin’ of sticks. I grabbed my crossbow and stood up.

 "Daryl!“ Y/N breathed out a sigh of relief as she stumbled through the woods and into my arms. I held her tighter than ever and kissed the top of her head. I felt her body trembling in my arms as she let out cries. 

 "Don’t cry baby, I’m here and you’re okay.” I said as I ran my fingers through her hair. 

 "I’m sorry I ran away, I was just so scared, I already got hit once so I went for the woods and attacked from behind.“ She explained as she pulled away from me to wipe the tears away from her face. 

 Sure enough there was a chunk of fabric wrapped around her arm where she was shot. I couldn’t believe she was the one in the woods knockin’ them down.

 "That was you?” I asked in amazement. 

 "Yeah.“ She half smiled sniffled. 

 "That’s my girl, now let me fix ya up.” I said after pecking her lips lightly. 


 First of all, I know I haven’t updated in forever and I’m so sorry! I’ve been at work and school pretty much everyday, but I’m almost done so I’ll have plenty of time to step it up! Thanks for the request and for reading! As always stop by in my ask and let me know how I did! Thanks guys!

For him.

These are the poems I wrote for him.

I met him almost three years ago. I still remember the cold November air and his yellow coat that day. He is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, and for a while I thought maybe we would end up together. These are the poems I wrote about him- the first half are the poems I wrote in 2014, the second half the poems I wrote in 2016 when he and I met again.


Part I. two thousand and fourteen

She closed her eyes, held back a smile
And though she did not know-
Though there were miles and miles
And days and nights to experience first
A quiet voice,
Just the tiniest voice
Spoke up inside,

“It could be

One day-

It could be love.”


side by side
in a crowded car
our arms touched and
i felt it in every inch
of my silent soul
smiling out the window
voices fading into the background,
just you and me, barely touching
my eyes on the horizon,
my heart in flames.


He leaves
For days and days
Always, always
Keeps me waiting
I’ve given up on him
A thousand times
Just to run right back
With a ready smile
I cry by myself
Soaking deep in his silence
And then I laugh and sigh
When he comes back with a smile
I wish I could stop,
Wish I knew what he was doing
I can’t read his thoughts
I don’t know what he’s thinking
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
As I wonder how much more
I can possibly take.


[i wrote this in London :) ]

He has this way
When he smiles
He tilts his head slightly to the side
And looks inquiringly into my eyes
And thinking of it now
I can barely stay inside this car
I want to run into the sunlit street
Fling my hands in the air and
Dance for the joy of knowing him,
For the joy of being the one
He is trying to figure out.


I put away the t-shirt you gave me today
Top shelf of my closet
I guess it’s me saying
For now, I know that
We don’t work
But maybe someday
I will say differently.


Three months.

It wasn’t long.

I can’t say it meant much, just your average
Hopes soaring, hopes crushed
A handsome face with a shy smile and deep brown eyes
I thought he was going to be
I thought he was going to give me a
I thought he wanted to
Know my heart, know who I was
Underneath the outer layers,
Peeled back to the raw soul

If only, if only

Those three months are simply wind chimes now-
An ancient, wistful song
Trickling through
The noise of busy days and stuffed calendar pages
I can’t hear his voice in my ears so much anymore
I can’t say that I’ve shed tears
I can’t say that I put my whole heart into him

He said to me,
“Depth over distance,”
But he never showed me the depths of what his heart contained
And the distance grew each day,
Silence stacked
A thousand and seventy
Miles high

Except for-
The one night
The one night I could write songs about
The one night I will remember forever

He came just before eight
It was cold that night and he was nervous
We went outside by a small fire
He sat so far from me and
Into the quiet flames he gazed
He opened up his fearful heart
And trusted me with
A glimpse into
The struggles he faced,
The people who have hurt him,
The girl who broke his heart

I sat, breathless, eyes wide at the fragile truths he breathed into my honored eardrums

I showed him little pieces of my heart, too,
And for a silent second
In the April air
I felt our souls lift
Out of our bodies
And meet, mid-air

He looked at his watch and
We were late
We ran to his car
My teeth chattered in the cold
Like silly nutcrackers
And he offered me his scarf to stay warm

In the car we drove
We talked about country music
He teased me
And my cheeks burned
When he used my first name,

“Oh, Katherine,”
He said
And I sucked in my breath, heart pounding like a runaway horse
Staring out the window in his car at empty, nighttime city streets
Feeling perfectly placed
Next to him

At the church
We stood side by side
Silence so thick
You could taste it
Glorious, gold candlelight
Glowing through the impending darkness

I looked up to the Lord
And I thanked Him with all the thankfulness
In my toes and arms and teeth and shoes

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And we stood solitary
Until he turned and embraced me
With that innocent smile
And a warm touch

My heart melted
Months of icy snow-caps
All in a single embrace

That night I could have sworn
We were onto something
For when he walked me to my door
He said,
“Until next time,”

And I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes
Something that made my knees weak
As I closed the door, breathed out a deep sigh, smiling like a naive child,
All I could say was
“Oh, my, oh, my.”

Two weeks.

It isn’t long
Until the person you were falling for
Starts to forget about you
And you can feel it in the air, all around you
In your silent phone that refuses to ring

Then it feels like two years.

Hopes compressed
Into a now-tight chest
I close my eyes and let plans and people and poems and pretty moments swallow me
I practice the art of letting go
I pretend not to care
That you are gone
I try not to feel stupid
That I got so excited

I refuse to dwell on nagging questions
Such as

What happened?

Did I do something wrong?

I’ll never have the answers to my questions
For only you hold the key
And my pride keeps me silent
My common sense keeps me from reaching out,
From searching for a way to start a fire
In a drenching rain storm

But even in the monsoon, I can’t help but wonder

How is it
That you don’t care
After that night?



The final night
Of your voice echoing
In the melting rays of twilight
Spilling lazily under the hills and valleys
I watched the colors grow
From pale gold to deep indigo
I searched for you within the stars
A last flare to light up a long-lonely sky

But I didn’t find anything
Just a quiet ache between my heart and my stomach
I haven’t quite digested your absence yet
But maybe when I wake up
The birds will sing louder
The sun will bathe me in her radiant light
And within the beauty around me
Sprinkled generously with a warmth like melted gold

You’ll be gone

And I’ll drive the miles back to my home
Leaving you in the hills where we said goodbye.


Part II. two thousand and sixteen.


It all started with his dark brown eyes
And the way he looked at me from the crowd when I was up on stage
I smiled back at him,
Giddy and nervous,
Surprised that someone so handsome would notice me

Why have I always been so cruel to myself-
So dismissive and discouraging?
“He will never like you,”
Says a harsh, cold voice in my head
And when he does
It feels like it isn’t real-
Like a package delivered to my house
For the neighbor next door
My hands always shake
My stomach always twists into a heavy knot
That keeps me awake night after night
Scared that he will find out that I’m
Not really worthy of him and his beauty

I see us in the coffee shop
And you are mostly so kind and such a gentleman
But when I share sheepish compliments with you
You just sit there smiling blankly, soaking it all in
It seems a bit strange
For you didn’t have many sweet words to share back
And I sink into my seat
Feeling small compared to your glory-
The glory I assigned you
While I was preoccupied with my own unworthiness

I find it a little bit ironic
That the time you gave me the most attention
Was in the year and a half I had forgotten you
I was wrapped up in falling for other bleak hearts
Making them into masterpieces
Myself, the master artist-
Chipping away at flaws and dysfunction
To find beauty and glory
I created it in others-
The missing pieces I could not find in myself
For I was too busy giving them away
And when I reached for my own
There was nothing left.

I want to say I’m hurt by you but I’m
Yesterday I was;
Your smooth tan skin
Your thick strong hands and dark eyes
And the way you smile at me and hug me twice so tightly and let your hands linger on my waist
then disappear into the airport to catch your flight and
Disappear from my life
We’ve done this before, haven’t we?
Leaving each other in airports and on planes
Empty promises that lead nowhere
You wanted to take a picture with me but I don’t know why you’d want to remember this
When I can already feel you forgetting about me

I’m not capable of what this would call for-
Waiting and praying for you to wake up and see me as beautiful and worthy of your love and
Worthy of trying your best to be with me
Of trying to overcome distance and fear and old scars from your past hurts

I can’t I can’t I can’t be that
I won’t be that
I won’t hold my head under the water til my lips are blue
Won’t put my hands in the fire and let myself feel the searing burns and blisters
Your heart is reckless and your heart is afraid
You speak to me in a voice that sounds almost like love
But it’s not
And I don’t hold that against you,
Won’t let it stop me from forgiving you
I’ll always stubbornly see the beauty in you

I just


I am sorry.

Three years later and -
this is goodbye.



t h r e e y e a r s

every time i see those pictures of you
all i can think is,
“not mine. not mine. not mine.”
i don’t know if it’s because
it’s been a week and
we still haven’t talked
and it feels like you don’t care
it feels like you’re not trying
and that makes me feel scared

or if maybe through this all
i’ve come to realize that you aren’t mine and you were never mine and
if you were
you would have come for me
somewhere in these three years between us.


I have been
Dry heaving
And drinking coffee all week

So nervous
So twisted up
So excited
So hopeful
So terribly afraid and
So fragile and jittery
So quavery, alive
In my fingertips and toes and my wide eyes

I want you but
I don’t know if you want me.


The only thing that hurts worse than
Knowing that he doesn’t care
Is knowing that
He does.



Where it ends.

we talked
last night
my eyes are still puffy this morning
from crying

maybe one day you’ll regret it
and maybe one day this will all change
but i don’t see that
and i know that
letting you go was
the best thing for me to do

h u r t s
and not because you told me you can’t be with me-
it hurt when you said you loved me
it hurt when we both started crying
it hurt knowing you felt the same
even after these three years

i don’t know what to do
and i don’t know how to let you go
i just know that,
i love you so deep and
i truly and sincerely hope that
you will be happy.

I left and it hurts. Saying goodbye to someone, even if it’s the right thing to do, will always be painful. I can remember all the good memories, all the times we laughed together, every time we danced. The beautiful moments will forever be etched in my mind, stored away like a book I’ll always be able to open and have a glimpse of what used to be. That’s what’s hard, when you leave, you tend to always remember the good. It’s so difficult, but sometimes you have to. I was living in a constant confused state of who I was; being told day after day about how he perceived me made me begin to believe it. Slowly, I was letting his thoughts of me become my own, and that should never happen. I am open-minded, easy going, positive, happy, generous, excited, energetic, adventurous, loving, intense, emotional. That is who I am and I know this. Never again will I ever let someone tell me different, much less believe them. Sometimes, you gotta leave a situation to find yourself again, sometimes that means leaving someone you love. I think back to what my mom told me once: ‘Love isn’t always enough, sometimes, love holds you back, and that’s when things get hard, because how can something so beautiful be what brings you down? It’s not easy when you’re there.’ I understand what she meant when she said that. So today, I made a choice for myself, the memories will always be there, sweet and real and honest, but now it’s about me, it’s about remembering who I am and doing what makes me happy. I’m confident the sadness I feel right now will slowly be replaced with a feeling of a weight lifted. I’m ready to be myself again and surround myself with people who love me for me.

#256: 'That This Is Really The Place To Be'

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All I’ve ever known (goodbyes)

Based on the promo for 5x20 because i’m ruined and therefore i had to share my pain with you guys.  (Also beware of some language sorry)


“I don’t know how to say goodbye.”

The words escape Emma’s mouth without a warning, and they sting. They are painful, they taste awfully bitter and they make her eyes water in an instant.

Breath caught in her throat, she watches her love, Killian, take her hand in his, his so warm hand despite being dead, or maybe it’s the fact that hers is frozen, and he presses a kiss on her knuckles.

She has never known how to say goodbye.

People had never given her the honor to say those words, they had just left.

After a little while, one begins to understand that maybe one isn’t worth a goodbye at all.

Yet, Snow White does articulate those words over her tiny body wrapped in a blanket where her name is written.

Baby Emma will remember for a long time the pressed hands on her body, the warm blast of air on her forehead, and the rainy kiss on her skin.

She won’t recall the words though, she was too young.

Yet, Snow White does murmur in a breath : “Goodbye, Emma.”

Many people must have said goodbye to her in her childhood, August, her first foster home, but she has no memory of it.

It’s later, when she can make souvenirs, that people decide that she just isn’t worth the trouble.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I don't know if I will be treading upon a delicate subject, but I'd like to broach a question to you. I have only recently encountered your blog and I was in the apt position of reading a recent post in which you specify that it has been "44 months" since the death of a person called "Ryan" (please don't mistake my ignorance on the subject for apathy). I'd really like to know the full story. However, f you wish to not elaborate, then I understand wholeheartedly. I just feel very sympathetic...

I do not take umbrage to this. Thank you for being so gentle and kind with this question.

Ryan was my boyfriend a few years back who passed away due to suicide. He was 16 when he died. I won’t do a full story but I will sum it up like this: Ryan and I met when we were 10 and 11, we were really good friends from very early on and really tried to help each other through some difficult situations. We both struggled, he more than I, and we felt like it was our job to keep each other going. Eventually, sexuality got involved and we ended up in a relationship. For 2 years on and off, we planned a future together, it involved us moving to New York as soon as I turned 18 and working our way into traveling humanitarianism, his job would me in emergency medicine and my job would be in documenting disasters, so we would travel together and work along side one another. Unfortunately, in March of 2011, everything too a turn for the worst. His family in Japan was taken by the tsunami, his mother passed away from heart problems a few weeks later, and I am not sure what happened the night he passed away, but something pushed him over the edge and caused him to overdose. That night, we were talking on webcam and I noticed something strange about his actions, I asked if he was okay and he said ‘I’m fine, just tired.“ For some reason, I didn’t pry and we ended up saying goodbye and I love you for the last time a short time later. He left me no note so I have no idea what happened, but I will always feel guilty for leaving him and not making him open up. People constantly tell me it was not my fault but until you lose someone to suicide, you will never be able to understand that feeling and that guilt. I know for a fact I could have stopped him, but for some reason I didn’t and his blood will forever be on my hands. It is something I have learned to live with though and I am working to make sure he did not die in vain, that is why I have become so active and hard working in the almost 4 years since his death. I have taken on many causes in memory of him, from natural disasters to suicide prevention, I will always work to help others and make a difference. Ryan is gone and has been for 44 months, but as long as I breathe, and no matter what happens in my future, I will carry on in his name.

Lately the hand shakes with nervousness when manipulating a pen – or maybe the word I am looking for is commove, a litany of convulsions, bitter hale beating against the old paint-stripped ambassador in my grandfather’s weedy lawn. There is evident romanticism when someone waxes eloquent about “the fading era of epistles” in an email and I plant my chin on the keyboard, eyes wet from saracasm. At some point, the Photographer says, people leave a marriage not because they are looking for something better, but that they are looking for something different. I have a client in therapy who is the living proof of Simone Weil’s epitaph. You have at least one friend who is the sound of every car that  leaves without saying goodbye. We have been trained to engage, to embrace but the skill almost always rests in how we end this calculated stint of empathy. There is a direct correlation between the years grouped in the ribs of your relationship and the speed with which he tears the wrapping paper from the wedding presents. They are building another skyrise next to us, fully-furnished duplexes are advertised, all the day labourers are homeless migrants. Sweat varnishes their bare backs. Each resembles something that only Rodin could have imagined. I still miss the smell of new letterpads. I still stare at the sky when I cross the butcher’s lane. Back home, calves propped on a pouffe, I recline to a specific point in space where the linearity of my silhouette resembles the clockhands at 12:00 am. My father has left me a few diaries, a collection of cohibas embellished by the scent of Spanish cedar, a glossary of flamenco terms and footnotes on Dali’s mediocrity. I am trying to read the lazy handwriting of these streets, each wrinkle, each strophe drafted in squid ink. You can call him your home if everyday you want to cry for an hour, spread out on the unmade bed of his body.    

Scherezade Siobhan