someone actually wrote me this

72# Soft Klance of the Day: Lance has a magical shop that sells ingredients for potions among other things.
Keith is one of the strongest wizards in town and frequents the shop quite often. Lance messes up one of his orders once but Keith makes it work anyway, so Lance decides that every so often to give Keith the wrong ingredients, waiting for the day that Keith will mess up.
“You do know that it’s bad business to prank your customers?” Keith mentions one day while staring at the ingredients he just purchased.
Lance grins. “Well you make it work either way so what’s the problem?”
Keith rolls his eyes, but a smile tugs at his lips.
“So how much do you wanna bet I can slip a love potion into one of your drinks one day?” Lance asks.
“Hmm, what’s the point of that? It wouldn’t change anything.” Keith replies without thinking as he counts the change.
Lance blinks. “Wait what- oh.”

One of the nicest feelings?? Is when a friend remembers the thing you really don’t like and/or the thing you really like without being prompted for a reminder. Like if my own family can’t remember a simple, yet vital thing to my personality, why would other people? And yet they do… and its just… really nice

The thing is, after a while you get fed up of waiting, waiting just feels like you’re falling further. After every moment you begin to feel worse and worse. It’s not passing and you begin to get the feeling it never will. People have said “what’s up” they’ve asked “are you okay” but they won’t take “i don’t know” as an answer. You’d give anything to be able to pour your emotions out but you can’t do that without feeling a burden, you can’t do that without them thinking you’re being over dramatic, you can’t do that without worrying they don’t understand. Part of you just wants someone to say “you’ll get through it” because at the end of the day, you’ve lost belief that you’ll ever go back to ‘you’.

ok but lance flirting with keith still in his marmora suit and then keith taking off his mask and being like “you do realize it’s me you just flirted with, right?” to which lance replies, “dude, you’re like the shortest one, obviously i know it’s you” and keith is just like “……well alrighty then”

beefucker95  asked:

for the fic title thing.... cherry bomb..

title: cherry bomb

pairing: cormac mclaggen x draco malfoy

Cormac McLaggen is not a chef.

YouTube thinks he’s one, he’s pretty sure, and so do his sponsors, his ex-girlfriends, and the vast majority of his five and a half million subscribers, but–he is really, really, really not a chef.

Case in point: health codes. He does all his cooking shirtless, in the narrow, badly lit, not strictly, technically sanitary galley kitchen of his frat house. There are dry ramen noodle crumbs everywhere, and up until a few months ago, he used an empty dish soap squeeze bottle to store his olive oil. Gordon Ramsay would probably have a long overdue heart attack if he ever shined one of his little blacklights on the grout between the counter tiles. This is not a chef’s kitchen.

Also: Cormac has no idea what he’s actually doing, ever, at all. His first upload was a muffled, partially sarcastic walk-through of how to scramble eggs with beer instead of milk. He literally still doesn’t own a single measuring cup. One of his most popular videos is just him drinking Sailor Jerry from a coffee mug while explaining how to make Kraft mac and cheese taste like tacos. Chefs do not consume nearly as many processed foods as he does. 

Conclusion: Cormac is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a chef. 

Which is why it’s so baffling that Draco Malfoy–who definitely, certainly, very famously is a classically trained, French-speaking chef with a farm-to-table restaurant in upstate New York and his own line of immaculate copper cookware at Williams-Sonoma–has sent him an alarmingly professional email, personally requesting some kind of culinary collaboration, and he…does not sound as if he is joking.

Cormac squints down at his abs, kisses the gleaming gold cross around his neck, cracks his knuckles, mutters most of a Hail Mary under his breath, and then carefully drafts his response.

yeah, bro, he types, let’s make some fucking magic.

[ send me a fic title, and i’ll tell you what i’d write for it ] 

anonymous asked:

Why do i feel like Jungkook has a thing with Hoseoks ears?????? There are photo of him going to licks it, there this on fanmeeting he bothers Hoseoks ears, he blows to it too?? N he picking his ears. Like boii.,, whats wrong?? Im sorry for the english.

My guy my dude that speaks exceptional english

you are on the right track and i AM SO GLAD you’ve noticed THE TREND to touch hoseoks ears. And it’s not only jungkook? I’ve seen all three maknaes do it

you won’t believe it, but i actually had a folder on my laptop already

your ask was really, really up my alley, thank you very much

let us start with visual evidence i’ve collected (which is like 5 gifs, 1 picture and one video and i literally own none of those)

if you have more than these - you are more than welcome to add them to this post in a reblog

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It’s okay I think to myself, this is fine. Of course he’s not early. He never was promptu before anyway, why would he be today?


Five minutes late means nothing.  I’ll just take a seat maybe. Order a hot chocolate.


Half an hour late isn’t that bad.


Maybe I’ll get a book out so I don’t look like a loser.


He’s still coming. He’s still coming. He’s still coming. I have been here a long time though…The baristas must be watching me. They’re probably laughing at me sitting here all alone.


Shut up no one’s paying attention to you. 


Maybe I’ll get some food so it looks like I’m here for a reason…


 “Hi, yes I would like a blueberry muffin please?” “Yes warmed.” “Okay thank you.”


That was actually quite good 


 “Are you okay?” 

Finally! Oh wait that’s not him. 

“Oh yeah I’m okay.” 

Wow that was quite an eyebrow raise. I wish I could do that. Okay stop looking at her eyebrows, she’s talking again.

“Are you sure? No one cries without a reason.”

Uhhhhh. “I just had… a really good muffin…..and I enjoyed it so much………….that I’m crying. With joy.”

I’m such an idiot. No one’s going to believe that excuse. Maybe she’ll get the picture and leave me alone. Oh. Nevermind. She’s pulling up a chair. Damn it.

I’m fine honestly.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Now what? 

Oh how I hate people. And awkward situations. And people. 

I wonder if it would be exceptionally rude to take my book out again…

“So are you going to tell me or what? You’ve been sitting here all day, I thought you’d be dying to talk to someone.” 

Damn it. So someone had noticed me waiting by myself all day…

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry I did not mean for you to start crying again.”  

“No, no it’s alright it’s not your fault.”

I mean it was actually kind of nice that this complete stranger come to my rescue after noticing I’ve been sitting here like a loser for the past 3 hours. 

Wait a minute…

“Not meaning to be rude or anything..but how long have you been sitting here? If you’ve noticed me here all day then surely you’ve been here all day too.”


Damn it! Now I’ve gone and made her feel awkward too! She’s even blushing! Wait hang on why is she blushing? 

“Haha, well see actually when I walked in I thought you were pretty cute which was awesome and then you got out Goblet of Fire and I thought that was SUPER awesome and I was attempting to psych myself up to talk to you but then realized it looked like you were waiting for someone…and yeah here I am. But you know I’m here to consul you now. Not get your number. So don’t worry about it.”

Huh this is a surprising turn of events. But altogether not a bad one. 

“You can still have my number if you want.” 

“…Are you sure! But what if whatshisface shows?”

“If he was going to come he would have. Besides, he doesn’t like Goblet of Fire.”

anonymous asked:

hey! love everything you write. you wanted something nsfw so can you do an andreil sex scene?

like i know i’m the one who asked for this, but this prompt has been in my inbox for like three months and i haven’t been able to write anything for it so to make a long story short: not really, but i tried a nice little first time blow job story:

It happens for the first time a few years after “nothing” starts, after they’ve traded nearly all their truths but crossed only a few sexual bases, when Andrew is in Atlanta for his first year playing professional exy and Neil is still in Palmetto for his last year captaining a college team.

First it’s phone sex, something it takes them weeks to get down. As it turns out, listening to each other narrate their own masturbation is enough for both of them—the talk never gets much dirtier than, “I’m about to finish” and “me too,” until one day Neil lets slip, “I want to blow you.”

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Whosoever's Is The Storm
A JeanMarco Pacific Rim AU!
By Organization for Transformative Works

Title: Whosoever’s Is The Storm

Rating: M, descriptions of graphic violence, major character injury, and emotional disturbance

Pairings: JeanMarco, Jean & Marco | background: YumiKuri, Springles, EreJean (Drift pairing make this complicated to tag lol)

Word Count: 57,000 (more or less) (across 4 chapters)

Alright lads! Here’s my entry for the JMGE, as requested by my secret santa, @yoitay, who wanted PacRim! Merry Christmas, friendo! I hope I delivered everything you wanted. This was a blast to write.

Fic Summary: Jean Kirschtein is a Jaeger pilot, just trying his damnedest not to meet a disappointing end. Maybe he had goals once. Maybe there was a part of him that the storm didn’t touch. Not anymore.

Having been kicked from the Mark II Jaeger, Atlas Rogue, on account of the fact no-one Drifts with Eren Jaeger and walks out unscathed, Jean finds himself relegated to the Anchorage Shatterdome, Alaska, the very edge of the world. There’s a new Mark IV about to be launched, and it needs a pilot. Technically - it needs two pilots. It’s a shame he has a chip on his shoulder the size of a Kaiju.

A JMGE PacRim AU for Yoitay, exploring the journey of a Jaeger pilot from the bottom of the barrel, to the cusp of hope, across every up and down in between.


Isn’t it funny how, when i point out that an age gap between minor and between minor/adult ships, people bring up the ‘parent claim’

‘oh my parents are # years apart’

Like, cool? They’re adults. They are consenting adults. They are past the age of 25, which is when your brain development is either done or about to be done, they can date like that. 

Minors can’t. Our brain development isn’t complete, some of us are even still in pre-conventional moral development. An age gap of 3 years is a lot when you’re talking about children. That’s still a lot of moral and mental development between them. A 16 year old is much farther along in their development than a 13 year old.  Same thing with 14 and 17, and even 19 and 22. 

‘But they’re fictional characters’

Hazel and Nico are about the same age as the typical age of the PJO-HOO readers - 11-13 is the target age. A lot of us have grown up with Percy and Co. We’ve got fandom members who are now older than Percy, and we even have some members who are named after the characters and reading the books now. They’re being exposed to excessive age gap shipping, so much so that it can literally end up grooming them into thinking it’s okay. It’s not okay. Fiction affects reality, a 12 year old being exposed to age gap couples like Frazel end up believing that the age gap is okay, because their morals aren’t as developed. This can lead to a lot of issues later on in life

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk


I’m not the biggest fan of the prequels but I will always adore this time period because, well, I’m not quite sure Obi-wan was in any way responsible for those “damn fool idealistic crusades,” if you know what I mean.
Alderaanians Don't Kill Spiders - imnothere24 - Star Wars - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]
"Why do you think I asked you to get a container?” “I don’t know. I definitely don’t know, because I do know that we’re not keeping it around until we get back to base.” (Or: Leia tries to show Han the beauty of the Alderaanian cultural icon, the spider, in a way he can understand..)
By Organization for Transformative Works

[ version here.]

A treat, created for the Tumblr HanxLeia Promptathon put on by @hanleiasecretsanta !

This fic would not exist without the support, encouragement, and inspiration (and a line or two of dialogue!) provided by @cicatrick. It doesn’t quite do the idea justice, but its what I could do in the time I was able to give it!

Anti-spider insults were crafted with the enthusiastic help of @otterandterrier.

Beta’ed by the invaluable @alderaanallday. She is an utter and inexhaustible champion, and no one deserves her. (Except maybe her innocent and pure dogs.)

I’d be lying if I said that @madame-alexandra’s Black Lace Stockings didn’t give me the headcanon that Han is, um, less than comfortable with creepy crawlies.

I’m gonna go ahead and dedicate this one to my parents, who taught me to love “scary” and undervalued creatures.

ok but….pidge never wears her shoes if she doesn’t need to

  • not off being a paladin? catch her always walking around barefoot to the point where her feet are never clean
  • shiro once handed her shoes to her and begged asked her to put them on
    • she looked him straight in the eyes as she let them fall to the ground and then walked away like a boss 
    • shiro: “i swear it all happened in slow motion, what was i supposed to say after that”
  • lance once preached to her about taking care of her skin and she just pushed her feet in his face, causing him to screech
    • “the skin on your feet is worse than even keith’s!” “hey!” “oh hush, you know it’s true”
  • they once had to climb rock walls in a training exercise and pidge beat them all at it
    • pidge: “you are all like babies, watch this”
    • like, she literally just takes off her shoes and uses the callouses on her feet to anchor herself and climb, everyone is in awe
  • the only times she wears shoes in the castle is when they have diplomatic events
    • allura: “part of being a diplomat is wearing shoes”
    • pidge: “you got me there”

They call him the Guess Monster. With his flawless aim and terrifying ability to read and predict his targets, he was a born assassin. Other than that, not much else is known about him. To hire this mysterious man is tricky, somehow he always knows who needs him and who he needs to kill. It goes with the alias most people conclude. He is an enigma wrapped in a mystery and sealed in a conspiracy. Not much is known about him although rumour on the streets says that he’s part of the notorious assassins organisation; ‘Shiratorizawa’. To attempt to dig any deeper is a fools quest - those who have tried to unravel the mystery have simply ceased to be…

I told myself not to but after reading @gue55-monster‘s headcanon submissions, this one in particular stuck out to me and I couldn’t help myself. I have so much other stuff to do which is why this is a massive scribble but I can never resist an opportunity to draw my son being a murderer. 

AND just on the off chance there ends up being a Shiratorizawa Assassins!AU, I would be totally on board with that. *hint hint*

"Can I borrow a Pencil?"

you asking for a pencil to any member of nct 

“Oh, what kind? H, HB, B?”: ten

*gives you the most crappy pencil he has: jaemin, johnny, probably ten, donghyuck, doyoung

“Sorry, I have no extra.”: taeil, jaehyun, yuta, chenle

*gladly gives you one: winwin, kun, jeno, jisung, renjun

“Funny, I was about to ask you for a pencil.”: taeyong, hansol, mark, probably johnny and ten also

why I don’t read fics

okay OKAY LIStEN. It’s 2 in the morning, I have an exam in less that 6 hours, but I can’t stop bawling my stupid eyes out because of this fic. (I literally regret all the decisions i’ve ever made up to this point in my life) A bags of chips and apple juice usually does the trick but NOTHING can fix my shattered soul right now.

If you want to have you heart flutter hopefully then crushed into a million tiny pieces, jumbled up and glued back together in amazing new patterns only to get SMASHED into smithereens again, go right ahead and click on this monster:

Oh wait. Don’t let me scare you away from this horrendously beautiful fic. It’s harmless! If you consider your soul being torn out from your body and disemboweling every organ and suffocating slowly in a sea of emotion and spontaneously combusting at the same time as harmless! don’t say you weren’t warned BE MY GUEST AND GO RIGHT AHEAD.

No but actually, please do read this fic, even if your not a drarry shipper! (plus I can’t suffer alone) It’s 96k of brilliantly strung words that makes you just want to read certain parts aloud and feel the words roll off your tongue and ugh just have 5 tissues at the ready and you’re set to go. The author really is brilliant, it saddens me to see their not active anymore.

SO yeah, I have been reminded once again why I don’t read fics, because of THESE MONSTERS RIGHT HERE. Okay I haven’t read them in a very long time and the first one I stumble upon broke me and I’m nothing but happy about it. If you have any way of pulling me out of this hole I was flung into, please do. (I should be getting some sleep) but send me a message or something and we can ramble about this together (i swear i’m not that needy) .

Yes I am rambling but this work touched me dearly and I don’t regret reading it at all (it’s really worth it). Also, if you’re not very comfortable with nsfw like me, there are a few bits in this fic you might want to skip over (hence the rating) but honestly, they’re not that important to the story so it’s completely fine to just skim over those parts.


also don’t be a wimp (like me) and skim the ending first

GOOOOOO (૭ ఠ༬ఠ)૭

^a quick sketch to free me of my emotions

Hi Bridget A.
I’m Ana, the girl who actually wrote this piece. It baffles me how someone will put SO much effort into stealing someone’s work. But to put your name on it and publish it in a newspaper? That’s straight up plagiarism. That hurts on a personal level. Everyone please reblog this and get the word out that this girl stole my writing.


word count: 1.7k

a/n: some cute ceo and dad calum for your little souls

Mobile Masterlist // Masterlist

Stress radiated off of Calum as his suit-clad body walked through your large front door. The large briefcase that was overflowing with papers collided with the marble flooring with a large bang causing you to jump in your place. His large hands quickly worked at the much too tight tie wrapped around his neck as his feet worked at his shoes that were blistering his heels to the point of making him want to scream out in pain with every step that his large feet took. After a few failed attempts of untying his tie he moved his hands up to his face while backing himself up to lean against the wall. His chest slowly rose and fell as he tried to control the tears that were threatening to spill out of his bloodshot eyes. 

“Baby? Do you need help?” You whispered as you moved yourself over towards his much taller frame. When your voice hit his ears he moved his hands away from his face, and a small smile played onto his lips from seeing his wife wearing only one of his white button-up shirts. As your delicate hands worked to untie his tie you practically watched the stress leave his body. His shoulders relaxed, and his arms moved to rest lightly on your hips. “Paige is in the other room watching TV.” You breathed out as Calum started to squeeze your hips tighter moving his hips to collide with yours while his lips attached themselves to the soft skin of your neck. “You can’t expect me to act perfectly normal when I get home to you in one of my white button-ups when you have nothing on underneath.” His voice was deep with lust, and his hand was about to move under the shirt when the sounds of little footsteps made the both of you push apart quickly.

“Daddy!” Her little body came running around the corner and into the foyer causing the curls on her head to bounce with every little step she took. The small bear in her hand dragged across the floor as she got closer and closer to her father that was now moving towards her small body. She was wearing one of Calum’s shirts to bed, and she only did that whenever he was at work longer than he told her he would be. His arms were outstretched in her direction, and when she was in arms reach of him he picked her up and brought her into his large tattoo-ridden arms. “Your finally home!” She screamed into his ear making him chuckle and scold her about using her inside voice. 

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