Por motivos de la vida, motivos que no podemos entender, que simplemente no tienen explicación.
Existen miles de historias como la de él. Demasiado dolorosas, demasiado irreales. De nuestros perros, nuestra familia. Tal vez el único consuelo de aquellos que han pasado por esto, es saber que hicieron todo lo posible para que sus mejores amigos tuvieran una hermosa vida.
Imagine when the sides were little, maybe 8 or something, Roman taught them about the imagination, how if they went to that corner of the mind they could make anything they imagined. Roman demonstrates creating a theater full of people who give him a standing ovation as he sings and dances. Patton immediately fills the room with kittens and puppies that all cuddle up to him and get along with each other perfectly. Logan takes a little longer to envision what he wants, but eventually he manages to create a space ship with windows looking out at space and their beautiful blue planet floating in the distance. But with Virgil the room stays stubbornly white- Patton tries to encourage him, although he’s clearly a little exasperated, “It’s not that hard! Anything you want! Just picture it in your head!” and Logan is a little confused and just a hair condescending, “It doesn’t have to be perfect, just imagine how you think the situation you want would be.” and Roman scoffs, “I should have known you have no imagination. I should be thankful you didn’t create some hellish nightmare for us.” And Virgil scowls and stomps off snapping out about how “This is dumb! Thomas has enough going on in the real world, who needs some dumb land of make believe” but once he reaches his room he angrily wipes away tears of frustration. He really had tried his hardest.
But he just couldn’t imagine the others loving him.
Sometimes, I’ll just be going about my day and it’s just an average Tuesday and then sometimes – this feeling hits me out of nowhere.
This super heavy feeling in my chest that makes me feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.
And sometimes, when that feeling hits me, it feels like you’re with me and I can breathe again.
And in that moment, I will laugh because I remember something funny you did or how easily and unconditionally you made me feel love – especially today, in a world that doesn’t seem to love easily. A world that doesn’t seem to love at all.
And somehow, even if just in that moment, it seems like I’ll be okay again.
Maybe not today.
Someday I’ll be okay again.
The world around us may have changed, but we haven’t.
And then sometimes, I remember you’re gone… but then, I’ll remember your smile.
I have been waiting for you. Each day bleeds into the next and I watch others say their vows and become one, and I am still here. I know that you are out there, up at 2am wondering if I’m out there too. I am here. I am waiting. I will become better. I will let God mold me and shape me. And one day, when we both have been reborn by the Spirit, prepared and mature, we shall meet and it will a celebration. Keep holding on, my Love. I will keep holding on too.