When Allah (swt) puts love and compassion in your heart towards someone, He is offering you an opportunity to make a difference in that person’s life. You must learn to follow that love. Don’t ignore it. Act on it. Somebody needs what you have.
I believe it is entirely possible to love somebody too much; To give so much of yourself that you find you are almost empty with nothing but a longing to fill yourself with thoughts of them.
Make no mistake, love can be a destructive force… it can consume you to the point of imbalance… You can give so much of yourself away and take on so much of someone else that you become like a boat taking on water… I believe you can drown in a person if you let yourself. You can think them, breathe them, you can want to become part of them so badly you that it’s almost as if you no longer exist… you become them. Their desires are yours. Their hopes, their aspirations and their dreams become yours. You exist solely as an extension of them. You become utterly and completely absorbed by them… slowly, they become your everything.
And the danger of course in loving someone too much… in losing yourself so completely within someone else that you can no longer exist without them is that the moment you lose that person… you lose EVERYTHING…
If you were to press your heart close up against somebody else’s heart eventually your hearts will start beating at the same time. And two little babies in an incubator, their hearts will beat at the same time. Love that. So if you have somebody in your life that is prone to anxiety, like myself, and if you happen to be a calm person, you could come up and hug me heart to heart and my heart hopefully would slow to yours. And I just love that idea. Or maybe yours would speed up to mine. But either way, we’ll be there together.
Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.