some part of me believes

2

It’s difficult to properly eulogize the Undertaker’s career because it feels like we’ve been slowly doing that for years, as each Wrestlemania raised new questions about his ability to carry on.  Now that the end is finally here, though, something should be said.

I started watching WWE about a year before Taker debuted, and I cannot adequately explain what it like hearing about him right after Survivor Series 1990.  No rock music, no neon colors.  No weaknesses for the good guys to exploit.  No passion for anything that would be his undoing.  The only thing that really did make sense was that anybody managed by that jerkface Brother Love had to be seriously bad news.  He didn’t fit in with what I understood about pro wrestling.  Looking back, that was because he would help change what pro wrestling was.

My brothers and I were fascinated with the Undertaker.  How do you beat a guy that’s already dead?  People would hit him with foreign objects and he wouldn’t flinch.  One time Greg Valentine put him in the figure-four leglock and he just laid there like he didn’t care.  I needed to make sense of this guy, figure out how his magic worked.  At some point I came to realize that there were no answers, that the enduring mystery was the real source of his psychological advantage.

I’ve seen Undertaker described as the gimmick to end all gimmicks.  Not that that stopped promoters from trotting out all manner of wrestling plumbers, wrestling dentists, and wrestling revenuers.  But most of them had to square off with the Undertaker, which ensured that all of them looked ridiculous trying to compete with a wrestling angel of death.  I think that situation encouraged the trend, beginning in the late ‘90s, of wrestlers being presented as athletes first and “here’s my shtick to psyche-out my opponents” second.  By 2000, that trend was starting to make Taker himself look ridiculous.

Undertaker had a sort of second career at that point, where the character was less about being goth Frankenstein than the aura of work ethic and respect that surrounded a legendary company man.  The awe of associating him with the spectre of death sort of took a back seat to the awe of knowing that nothing you did would ever overshadow this man’s career.  Even if you managed to beat the Undertaker, the odds were pretty good that he’d outlast you.

It’s tough to pinpoint exactly where Taker went into decline, but for me the symbolic turning point was Wrestlemania XXVII, where the angle was that he could beat Triple H but couldn’t walk out under his own power.  It was kayfabe to set up a rematch the following year, but it injected a new kind of mortality into the character–it became a legitimate question whether Undertaker still had it, whether he’d have to lose soon because he might retire at any time.  After a lackluster performance at the 2017 Royal Rumble, I think everyone kinda knew his time was up.  Better to go out now than to wait another year, chasing the perfect finale.

This isn’t the first time the Undertaker has left his gloves in the ring, so some part of me believes this may not really be the end.  I hope it is, though.  I want to know this guy gets to enjoy retirement and undergoes whatever surgeries he’s been putting off.  I want to see the day when he can do interviews out of character, and talk about the sacrifices he made for his art.  Mark Calaway has been the Undertaker for just over 26 years.  It’s high time he gets to be just an ordinary man.

On a Successful Marriage

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it means to have a successful marriage. 

I’m not sure what brought on this particular bout of introspection…maybe a long wedding related road trip with FWB, where, for the first time in nearly six years (!!), I had that we should probably end this thing, whatever it is, or make it something more feeling. I don’t want to end it, because it’s easy, and good, and fun, and did I mention easy? I did? Oh. Well. I’m very protective of this thing so I won’t go into details on a public forum, but as it stands now, he wants kids. I don’t. The unselfish part of me says it’s time to cut loose before I waste his time. The majority part of me wants to cry when I think about that inevitable day. The selfish part of me wants to believe we could come to some sort of compromise. The worst part of me wants to ghost.

I don’t really believe in soul mates, yet I think I know at least three couples who fit that bill, if such a thing exists. I haven’t had the best marriage role models in my life, so I’m an eternal skeptic.

A townie magazine has a feature this month about a local couple you need to know, or something like that. They’ve been married 20 years. I know from personal experience that he’s had multiple affairs throughout the entirety of their relationship. (This is ((very)) public knowledge around these parts.) But! They have children who are, by all indications, prepared for a successful life. They have a lucrative co-career.  A successful, infidelity ridden, 20 year marriage. Then again, I suppose there are pros and cons to any long-term situation, and who am I to judge what works for someone else?

I think of my grandmother, who is in the cruel throes of Alzheimers, and how I didn’t understand that her long periods of laying on the couch, watching The Young and the Restless, creating fantastic tales, was actually depression. She didn’t live in a time when it was OK to have a seemingly perfect life, and still be unhappy that it wasn’t perfect for her. I see my grandfather, at 86 years old, taking care of her every need, because that’s what you do, when you take those vows. It’s both the opposite of what I want, and #goalsaf. I don’t know how to reconcile my own conflicting views. I hope she’s proud of my independence. I wish every man was like my grandpa. 

This long and rambling post is a sort of stream of consciousness affirmation of why I choose to be single. Apart from love, there are a whole lotta so-called successful marriage markers: kids, business, legacy, longevity. None of those things are wrong, and yet none of them call to me. 

Is there something inherently wrong with me? That I’d literally rather die alone than have to do a +/- list to determine who I spend my life with? To not feel worried or scared that I may just be spending my life with myself? To feel at peace with this, even though every facet of society is saying THAT’S NOT NORMAL? Fuck that.

There’s something about spring that makes me want to purge. I’ve spent most of my free time this week throwing things away: old makeup, a pile of clothes for Goodwill, a bag for ThredUP. My pantry and fridge are devoid of anything extra. I guess I need to purge my thoughts too. Thanks for listening.

Things Meant to Be

“Cas, promise me you’ll never leave me.”

They’re in bed when Dean says this, their limbs intertwined, Cas’s slightly shorter frame spooned so perfectly in his own.  

It’s the only time Dean allows himself to speak like this, when he lets himself be open and vulnerable.  When he’s with Cas, just with Cas, it feels as though he can finally take off a mask he’s been wearing all day. 

Cas cranes his neck to peer over his shoulder at him.  “I can’t promise that, Dean.”  

Seeing the incremental look of hurt that starts to spread across Dean’s face, Cas elaborates,  “I’d never leave you willingly, of course.  But this universe is a cruel one.  Sometimes, it calls for our separation, and there’s nothing you or I can do to prevent it.”

Dean says nothing, only nods in silent acknowledgement at the unfortunate truth of Cas’s words.

He knows this, of course.  He’s seen it happen too many times before, some pompous asshole like Naomi or Metatron or Lucifer or even Crowley prancing out of nowhere to tear his angel away from him.  He should have learned by now that there’s nothing he can do about that.  Nothing either of them can do about it. 

All he can do is hope to Heaven that he never has to lose Cas for good.

On this bitter note, Dean closes his eyes, trying to relax, put the unwanted memories out of his mind, and catch some much-needed shut-eye.

“But Dean?”  says Cas, not looking up this time.

“Hmm?”

“I’ll always come back to you.”

Dean’s eyes blink open, surprised by the intensity behind Cas’s words.

“I never told you this,” the grumbling voice continues.  “But when I was…’God’ -” He encapsulates the word with exaggerated quote-y fingers.  “-I saw things.  Most of which my mind can’t make sense of, I…”  he trails off, shaking his head.  “Angels were never meant to have that much power.  I’m surprised I didn’t go totally insane from the sheer force of it all.  But I saw things, Dean.  Things I’ll never forget.  I saw…us.”

Dean’s brow furrows confusedly, trying to figure out what Cas is getting at.  “You mean, like…us in the future?” 

Cas shakes his head.  “No.  Us in other worlds, other universes.  More times than I can count, and each different from the next.”  He turns to face Dean conspiratorially.  “In one, Dean, you were the pizza man and I was the babysitter,” Cas whispers, as though this is scandalous information. 

Dean smiles bemusedly, and opens his mouth to make some characteristically lewd remark, perhaps point out that the pair assume those roles quite often in the privacy of their bedroom, when Cas goes on, “In another, you were a fireman and I, a doctor.  And in still another, I was a writer, and you were the exotic dancer serving as my muse.”

Dean’s not sure how to respond at this point, but luckily, he doesn’t need to, because Cas continues, “Sometimes, we had what you humans call a ‘happily ever after-’” (More quote-y fingers.)  “-And spend our lives together, happy and content.  Other times, fate wasn’t so kind.”  

Cas pivots his body so he’s lying on his back now, looking regretfully up at Dean through long, dark lashes.  “In one, I watched you go to war and never truly come home again.  And you, in turn, were forced to watch me die.”  Cas shakes his head ruthfully.  “It’s a shame, really.  We were so in love.  And we could both ‘dig Elvis.’”  

Any other time, Dean would have demanded Cas stop with the air quotes (admittedly, he does find them endearing, but three times in one evening is just plain outside the bounds of social acceptability) but he’s too baffled and overwhelmed by what Cas is saying.  

He continues, “Like I said before, Dean, angels weren’t meant to have so much power, and in truth, I don’t know exactly what it was I saw – if I truly was catching a glimpse into alternate universes or if it was only the short circuiting of an inflamed mind.  But I know that what I saw was real, Dean, if only symbolically:  I may have to leave you, Dean.  Sometimes the universe demands it.  But it will never truly be goodbye.”

Cas looks up at him, oceanic eyes meeting Dean’s peridot, brimming with an intensity that, even now, never fails to make Dean’s heart flutter. 

“I will always come back to you, Dean,” he says, with such certainty that Dean can’t help but believe it.  “Over a thousand different universes, a thousand different worlds, I’ll always come back to you.  I’ll always find you again, even when it doesn’t feel that way.  And most of all, Dean, I will always love you.”  He pauses briefly, squinting contemplatively into space.  “I believe some part of me always has – that it’s built into the very fiber of my being.  Perhaps even the universe itself.  And that’s why, no matter the circumstances, we always find each other again.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say.  He’s not sure there’s anything to say.

After a moment or two, he swallows wetly, and inquires, “So, uh.  Why didn’t you ever tell me this before?” 

Cas shrugs.  “I could never think of an appropriate occasion.  You were, as you put it, ‘working through some shit’ at the time, and afterwards, it simply never came up.  But I thought it was time you know.”  

Dean nods stiffly as Cas curls up against him once more, this time resting his head on Dean’s chest like a pillow, wordlessly, as though this surreal, existential conversation had never transpired. 

Dean’s still processing as he almost instinctively presses his nose to the top of Cas’s head and breaths in the smell of him:  faintly electrical, like lightning, and something sweet that Dean insists is apple pie.

“I love you,” he murmurs, voice slightly muffled into the dark, messy hair.  

“I love you too, Dean,” Cas replies, adding, “Goodnight,” even though they both know he isn’t going to sleep.

“G’night, Cas.” 

Dean breaths a contented sigh as he allows his eyes to flutter shut, the tension leaving his muscles.  

Even now, though, as if on instinct, he draws Cas in a little closer, squeezing his angel a little tighter, as if daring the universe to try and take him again.   

All these posts about breadsticks make me laugh and cringe because:

When I was 15 I was on a trip with Ag studies group we went to an Olive Garden, I had never been to an Olive Garden before and I am a great bread enthusiast so when the waitress put this basket of delicious-sticks in front of me I was like ‘holy shit’ and ate like 10. I started shoving them into my purse to save for later, and the waitress had to keep bringing baskets of breadsticks because they were disappearing (into my purse). There were a lot of guys on that trip and I figured ‘yeah these teenage dudes could be in theory eating all these breadsticks’ so I thought I had a bulletproof cover.

Fast forward to when we are leaving, I get stopped by the manager and the hostess and they ask to look in my purse. Cue my ‘oh shit busted’ face and a grudging handing over of my bulging purse, to which they opened and started pulling out an obscene amount of breadsticks and laying them on the counter while the hostess counted them. I actually had no idea how many breadsticks I’d had in there and when the hostess got up to 40 I was still convinced I was going to jail but oh my god I had 40 breadsticks in there so I was kind of impressed with myself. The hostess kept counting.

Forty. Seven. 

Forty seven breadsticks was the total they found. (I had another two very squished and folded up in a zipped side pocket that they never looked in). They then took my picture and politely asked me to stay the fuck away from their restaurant as my picture would be posted on their ‘restricted list. To this day, 6 fucking years later, I have never gone back to any Olive Garden, because some part of me believes that some eagle eyed waitress will recognize me from a wanted poster for the Breadstick Bandit and I’ll have to explain to my mom why Olive Garden put me in prison

secretlvtale  asked:

What if after years of physical and emotional abuse from his parents Tom is finally broken and is now just a shell of himself. Like no longer reacting to anything and his body just going auto pilot. So it's up to Marco (and maybe even Star) to help him pick up the pieces after finally managing take him to the Diaz house to recover.

Oh my goshhh! Some angst! I had a lot of fun with this! You know how much I love angst and writing this was really sad but really fun to write haha. I hope it came out good and I hope you enjoy it!

——————————————————————————————-

“Have you spoken to him recently?” Marco asked. Star shook her head.

“I saw him at some diplomatic dinner a few weeks ago, where all the allied dimension’s leaders were meeting up. I tried to say hi but he just phased me.” Star explained. Marco bit his lip and played with the hem of his shirt.

“Star… I’m so worried about him.” Marco admitted. He bit his lip harder to try and stop himself from crying. “He won’t answer my calls or texts. We used to be so close. He won’t even speak to me. It’s like he’s just some sort of stranger, and he always looks so sad, and tired.” Marco explained. Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes. Star gasped and ran over to give her friend a hug. Marco sobbed and held onto her. “Why won’t he say anything to me, Star?” He cried. “I love him.” He blubbered.

“I know, I know.” Star smiled. “I love him too, he’s our friend but-” Marco cut her off.

“Not like that, Star!” Marco cried, and he shoved her away. “I LOVE him.” Marco repeated. Star pulled back and realized what Marco was saying. She sighed and pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly.

“I’m sorry Marco. We’ll get him back, we’ll bring him back to you.” She promised.

——————————————————————————————————————————–

“Tom!” A harsh voice called. Star and Marco stood in the king of hell’s main hall. Tom entered the room and looked up.

“Yes?” He asked.

“The princess of Mewni is here, she requested a tour of the facility. Tend to their needs.” He commanded. Tom nodded and motioned for the two to follow him.

“Please, come this way.” He told them. Star and marco exchanged confused looks. Tom seemed like he didn’t even recognize them. He was just setting off on auto pilot. As soon as they left the room Marco put his hand on Tom’s shoulder to stop him.

“Tom, please stop this.” Marco begged. “We’re worried about you.” He told the demon. Tom stood there and seemed to not be paying attention to what he was saying. “Tom, we know what you’ve been going through here. It’s not hard to realize.” Marco told him. “I notice every time you came over with a black eye and I noticed all the times you flinch when when somebody went to touch you. I should have said something.” Tears welled up in Marco’s eyes. “I should have done something to make it better I just… always thought it was none of my buisness, and I thought you would rather me stay quiet. But I have to say these things now, Tom.” Marco grabbed Tom’s shoulders and he felt the demon stiffen.

“Tom, please come home with us.” Star begged. “We can help you.” She put on her biggest smiled and held both her friend’s hands. “We can take you to Marco’s house. Where it will b safe and nobody will hurt you anymore.” Star assured.

“Don’t you want that?” Marco asked. “To be safe? With me- I mean us?” Marco quickly corrected himself. “You don’t need to stay in the dark, you deserve more than this. Please come with us, for me?” Marco asked. Tom was quiet for a long time. He kept looking between Star and Marco and then at the door his father was on the other side of. He looked down at his hands through for a moment. He then looked up at Marco.

“If… I go with you…” Tom started. “Would anyone know where to find me?” He asked. Marco shook his head and took the demon’s hand.

“You’d be safe.” He promised. Tom looked back at the door and Marco could have sworn he saw a faint look of fear pas over his face. But Tom seemed so numb to everything it was hard to pin down exactly what he was thinking or feeling. He looked over at Marco and slowly reached his hand out, to touch Marco’s hand.

“I think… we should go.”

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Tom felt the window with his hands. The glass was cold on his fingers. Tom was still for a long while, but jumped when he felt Marco touch his arm. “Sorry.” Marco apologized. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Marco assured. Tom was staring out the window with a blank expression on his face. He was looking intensly at the moon. “Tom, is everything okay? You’ve been here days but, have hardly said a word.” Marco asked. Tom’s eyes grew wider and he watched the sky.

“I forgot what the earth sky looked like. I haven’t been here in so long.” Tom reminded. Marco nodded and moved closer to him.

“I missed you. A lot.” He told the demon. Tom was quiet and he pulled away a bit.

“Don’t say things like that.” Tom whispered. Marco looked curious.

“Why not?” Marco asked. “You’ve been away so long. I missed you! I was worried about you!” Marco cried. He held the demon’s hand, but Tom pulled it away. He was beginning to show emotion of some kind. But it wasn’t the type Marco was hoping for. Tom was beginning to shake and his breathing became more ragged. “Tom, please don’t shut me out again.” Marco begged. “Don’t you see what’s happening to you?” He asked. “They poisoned you! You’re suffering and I want to help.” Marco smiled and touched the demon’s shoulder.

Tom’s eyes snapped open, they were glowing an angry red and he put his hand out. Marco felt himself freeze in place, like he was being held by some sort of invisible force. “Stop. Talking.” Tom hissed. “You can’t fool me again!” Tom seethed.

“Tom… wh-what… are you talking about?” Marco sputtered out. It was hard to talk with Tom holding him, frozen in place. He lifted Marco off of the ground.

“I know you don’t care! I know all you’ve done is lie to me!” Tom hissed. “I never should have come here… I let you trick me again!” Tom screamed. He slammed Marco down onto the ground. “I let you make me think you cared! I let myself feel again only to have you hurt me again!” Tom screamed. He raised his fist and conjured flames around it, Marco gasped and rolled out of the way. Tom punched the ground with a fiery blow.

“Tom! Did I do something wrong?” Marco asked. “You gotta tell me!” He begged. Tom made a move to hit Marco again. He ran towards him with a raised fist, but his steps became more shaky the closer he got.

Tom! You pathetic, worthless moron! I told you to stay away from them!

Tom went to hit Marco but he just collapsed onto the ground. Marco gasped when he saw Tom curl into a ball on the ground.

If that human claims to care about you he’s lying! No creature in their right mind would care about you! He’s only trying to hurt you! Don’t let yourself be so stupid!

“Tom?” Marco asked. Tom covered his face with his hands. Marco got on his knees next to the demon and hugged him close. Tom finally dropped his demeanor and latched tightly onto Marco. He cried into his shoulder while Marco held him close. “Tom please, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” Marco begged.

“I can’t do it…” Tom whispered. “I can’t get hurt again, I can’t let them hurt me anymore.” He cried. Big tears were running down his face and he cried. He tried to squeeze his eyes shut to stop them from falling, but it was no help. “I can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T-” Marco cut Tom off by pulling him into a hug.

“You don’t have to. You’re safe now.” Marco promised. Tom cried and nuzzled closer to him. “Is that why you got so closed off? And you shut us out? You thought we would only hurt you?” Marco asked. Tom put his hands over his ears and closed his eyes tightly.

“Please stop talking, don’t make me listen.” He begged. Marco collected Tom in a hug.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to listen, just stay here.” Marco assured. Tom just fell totally limp in Marco’s arms, staring ahead at nothing. He just felt completely numb. Marco hugged him tighter and buried his face in his hair. “It’s not bad to feel things, Tom.” Marco promised. “You’ll be okay to open up.” Marco swore. Tom shook his head.

“I can’t…” he whispered. Marco bit his lip and held him closer. Tom wasn’t strong enough to be hut again. He’s been broken and beaten too much. It got to the point where all he could do was shut everything out. Marco held him closer.

“There has to be some part of you still in there that believes me.” Marco pleaded. “You just showed me you’re still there.” He smiled warmly. “You can cry and smile and laugh and scream. Those things are okay. Please don’t be void.” Marco begged. “I… I love you too much for that.” Tears streaked down his face. “I love you… the you that would laugh and joke with me… even the you that got angry and jealous of the stupidest little things.” Marco explained. Tom looked up with wide eyes.

“Did you say you love me?” He asked. Marco blushed deeply, but nodded.

“Yes, I do.” Marco repeated. “I love you, Tom.” Marco said again. He gasped when tears began to fall down Tom’s face. “Tom?” Marco asked.

“Are you lying?” Tom asked. Marco knew Tom wouldn’t believe him when he said no, so Marco took his face in his hands and gave him a kiss. When he pulled away Tom was looking at him with wide eyes. Marco gave him a warm smile and Tom moved closer, he looked totally shocked and frozen. “C-can you say it again?” Tom asked, very quietly. Marco laughed and nodded, kissing the demon’s head.

“I love you, Tom. I love you so, so much.” Marco smiled. Tom closed his eyes and leaned against him, he looked so tired. Marco wrapped him up in a hug and hushed him. “Just rest for a while, you need it.” Marco told him, brushing Tom’s hair away. “I love you.”

Calum Hood::: Aladdin Princess AU

Pairing: Calum and Y/N

Word Count: 7k+ words

Rating: Smut

Requested: The princess AUs were :)

Okay guys, this is set up to where Calum is Aladdin and Y/N is Jasmine :)

I hope you guys like it because I worked super hard on it.

Keep reading

the love you have | shawn mendes imagine

word count: 2,821

author’s note: here is the imagine based on “roses” that i promised! i did a very quick proofread because i wanted to get this up asap, so i probably missed a few things, but i am very proud of some of the writing in here. i hope you enjoy.


Your name: submit What is this?

five

The vase was waiting on your doorstep when you arrived home Saturday night.

As soon as you pulled your car into the driveway, you were glad that you had said goodbye to Lucas at the restaurant, knowing that he wouldn’t know what to make of it. Once you locked your car and got closer, you could see that the vase held five scarlet roses, beautiful but painful in their implications. A small note had been tied with a string around one stem, but you didn’t need to look at it to know who had left them there.

Keep reading

Shiro: Get your head in the game!

Me:

8

“you kept the reservation?”

                                  “don’t make a fuss; it’s not a big deal.”

Temporary Bliss (Part 7)

Alright guys it’s finally done I finished the last chapter and I can’t believe that it’s finally complete! I hope you guys like it and I’m so happy that you guys read this all the way through and I hope you enjoyed my writing. I’m going to be working on something else next but I don’t know how long it’s going to be so we’ll see. Until then, enjoy! ^-^

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part five

Part six


“Chat.” She says looking up at his smiling form. “Come in, I- we need to talk.”

“Don’t mind if I do princess.” He says, jumping down from the roof and onto her bed. “Though, I must admit I have missed seeing your lovely fa-”

She interrupts the rest of his sentence by pulling him into a deep embracing and placing her lips onto his. He stands shocked for a few minutes before melting into the kiss and pulling her closer to him. The both of them stay like that for a while, letting the warmth and comfort of each other envelop them before pulling away slightly and looking the other in the eyes.

“I missed you.” She whispers.

Keep reading

You never loved me, I was just a way for you to feel a little less empty and a whole lot less sad.
I held you through most of the nights we spent together and I couldn’t stop telling you that you made me brave.
You made me brave in the kind of way that isn’t really brave.
You see, I would have left the whole world behind for you, if only you had asked me too. I would have stepped out in the open with my heart in your hands and I still would have been dancing alongside the sunlight because for a second, I believed that some part of you loved me too.
But I was wrong in that way, you’ve never learned to love anything and I’m not in the business of blaming but I do hope that one day you wake up and I hope that you miss the way my heart tasted in your mouth.
—  I always miss you more / thewordsyouneverunderstood
11:59 epiphany.

My letter to you: I just realized. The last time I saw you, we were saying goodbye. I wish you had told me. Because the last time I saw you, you knew, and I wish I had known, because it would have made this last year so much more bearable. It’s so obvious now. We weren’t star crossed lovers, we weren’t fixing each other, we weren’t meant to be. We were going to break up and you knew that. We fought the day before I left. A big fight. A huge fight. There was screaming and yelling. You threw your deodorant at me and I broke down crying, like always. You blamed it all on me, like always. The fight ended and we kissed and made up like always, and we left it unresolved. Like always. But I think it was at that moment that you knew. That you knew we weren’t going to work out. You tried to fit me into your world and I stuck out like a sore thumb. And that’s why it was so easy for us to break up when we finally did, and for you to stick to it. And that’s why, that time, it was for real. This time, it’s forever. Every other time we had ‘broken up’ we ended up right back where we started. For the last two years, we’ve been in this on and off roller coaster. The longest time we weren’t together was the two months I was in another country. And even then we were emailing. We were always together. Together and unhealthy. But this time it was different. This time it stuck. Because you knew. You see, I don’t think I could have done it if you had still been in my life. If we had stayed in contact, if you had begged me, if I had to see you every day, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stay away. So thank you. Thank you for knowing what was right for you. For looking out for yourself, and knowing that you weren’t happy and that I wasn’t and couldn’t be the one to fulfill your dreams. It took me until just now to really and completely understand that. And to believe that we weren’t right. I knew that we weren’t right and that we couldn’t make each other happy, but I never really believed myself until now. Because I always thought that you would always want me. I deluded myself into a fantasy, where you were drowning and I was the only one that could save you. I wanted you to pine after me, I wanted to be ‘the one that got away’. But that’s not right. That’s not fair to you, to want you to always regret me. To have that thought means that there was some part of me that believed I was your soulmate, that I was the only one that could save you. But that’s not true. And I can’t believe it took me this long to realize it. And now I think I can finally let you go. Because now, after all this time, I don’t want you to want me anymore. I want you to be happy. And I know that’s not with me.

Nalu: 21: Best Friend’s Sibling

“Can you come early today?”

I sighed, brushing my fingers through my bangs that never seemed to look right, and fell back into my car seat.

“Why Wendy?” I asked into the phone.

Wendy was a girl I used to help tutor last year, she was a little younger than me and most of my friends, but I actually really clicked with her. She was always so nice and sweet to me, and I loved being around her, so I kept in touch. I visited her a lot, when I could through my college schedule and I helped her with her high school stuff and everything, it was nice to get away every once in a while from all the stress back on campus.

“I just really wanna see you, please Lucy?” She pleaded, and I could hear her pouting lips through the speaker.

I sighed again. Well, I wasn’t doing anything else important. “Alright, I’m on my way.”

.

As soon as I knocked on the door it flew open, with Wendy grinning widely in my face. “Okay, you’re here, great!”

“What is going on?” I asked, stepping in with a look.

She closed the door and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the living room. She whipped around to me, her expression more serious than I’ve ever seen her.

“I have to clean up the whole house in less than two hours.“ 

I felt my lips part. She called me over to come clean up her house?

Wendy!“ I growled.

"I’m sorry Lucy, I know, but I really need your help.” She said sorrowfully, “My mom comes back at 4 and the house really needs to be cleaned or else I’m dead.”

I sighed for what? The fifth time today?

About a hour and a half later the entire first floor of her house was sparkling, if I can say smugly. We both dropped onto the couch, dead tired, staring at the blank TV. Wendy glanced to the clock on her phone and exhaled loudly.

“She should be here any minute.”

“You so owe me.” I groaned, pushing myself off the couch.

“I know I know, where are you going?” She asked.

“Bathroom." 

I headed back towards the kitchen and went into the small restroom. I got a glance at myself in the mirror and groaned. Jesus, Wendy wore me out. My sweats were dirty with dust and my hair tied up messily, strands everywhere like I just woke up from a three year nap.

I heard a door slam shut and voices shouting of glee, I’m assuming Grandeeney came home. I don’t know why it was such a big deal that the needed to be cleaned today, right at this moment. I walked out, brushing back my stupid bangs again and came into the living room, stopping on my toes.

Ohh…no.

"Oh Lucy! I didn’t know you were here!” Grandeeney laughed. 

Wendy smiled at me as well, currently being hugged by the cutest human being I had ever seen in my life before.

“You remember Natsu right? My big brother?” Wendy said, said man studying me at the current moment.

“I…yeah!” I gave a huge, fake smile.

Did I really have to meet him like this? In sweats while I looked like the walking dead?? 

Wendy always talked about Natsu, I mean I knew that she was her big brother and everything, but from the way she explained him I so underestimated him. She said he was goofy and playful and loved dragons and stuff, wasn’t he supposed to look super dorky or something?? What the hell was this??

He glanced at me up and down and I shuffled uncomfortably, before he smiled. “Hey.”

I crossed my arms over my tank top, smiling back, “Hi.”

Wendy elbowed Natsu in his gut, nodding towards me, “This is Lucy, the girl I’m always talking about.”

Talked about? What has she said? And what the hell, why didn’t she tell me he was this good looking? And why didn’t she tell me to wear something decent?

“Lucy? I thought you said Luigi.” He rose an eyebrow at Wendy.

“I said Lucy,” she whispered through her smiling teeth.

He didn’t even remember my name, wow. First impressions, check.

“Wendy I think you left that thing in the kitchen for me, can you help?” I asked, hoping she’ll get my hint.

She nodded, “Right. I’ll be right back.”

I lead Wendy back to the kitchen and whipped around to her, “Wendy what the hell??”

“What??” She asked, freaking out.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Natsu coming? And why didn’t you tell me he was so hot? This is crucial stuff Wendy!” I hissed, holding her cheeks.

“Ew, what? You think he’s cute?” She asked, looking horrified. “I told you he was coming a few days ago from college, remember?”

“No.” I pouted. I knew Wendy probably did say something, and my head was fried from finals.

I groaned and thumped my head against the cabinet, “You couldn’t of told me to wear something nice? Ish?”

Wendy strolled up to me and elbowed me in my side, grinning, “Don’t worry, I already put in a good word for you.”

I groaned again, “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” she insisted, giggling, “I just said how nice you were to tutor me and maybe even showed him some pictures…”

I whipped towards her, “Pictures? What pictures?”

“I dunno, the ones you posted online? At the library with your friend?”

I sighed again, but this time of relief actually. Those were pictures this guy Loke took of me and Levy, he has some crush on me or something.

“Wendy! Come help your brother unpack,” Her mother yelled from the living room.

I nodded towards the door, “You should go.”

And maybe this was my queue to leave? 

“And you should stay,” Wendy replied back, reading my mind.

I rolled my eyes as she turned to walk out, but I grabbed her hand quickly, “Wait! Do I look okay?”

She turned to study me, blowing up her cheeks with a nod, “Uh huh.”

I gave her a look.

“You actually look kinda cute, don’t worry.” She tried again, pushing her way out the door.

What was kinda cute?

.

Well Wendy’s characterization of Natsu was spot on, if I do say so myself. He was even better looking up close and really funny and even a bit absent-minded. All in all he was sweet, and cute and dear god I so had a crush on him.

I ended up sitting next to him on the couch with Wendy on his other right. Grandeeney left to go to the store for dinner or something, so it left us three. 

“I’ll be right back.”

Well, two. 

Wendy got up and left for the stairs, disappearing from sight. I saw her glance back to me with half a smile and groaned internally.

The TV still played some reality show on low volume, and I shifted nervously, now of course, completely aware of how close he was sitting next to me. I decided to keep quiet, rummaging through my head of what I could possibly start a conversation with.

“So, Luigi,” He said casually, looking over to me.

I glanced up to him, raising an eyebrow. Did he really still not know my name? It must have been said over twenty times in the last hour, was he really that oblivious?

“It’s-”

I saw him smile. Oh. Joke-he was joking. 

I let out a weird laugh, cringing as I did so. Dear God Lucy pull yourself together. 

“So Lucy,” he corrected, “You helped Wendy out a while back?”

I fiddled with my bangs again, nodding, “Yeah, I saw she was having trouble with her AP Psychology, and I’ve already taken that course at my college, so I figured I could help her.”

“That’s cool that you still stay around with her, I’ve always told her to go out and meet people her own age, but somehow she always ends up with the older kids, I don’t know why.” He commented, scrunching up his nose in confusion. Cute.  

“She’s just really sweet,” I said lightly, smiling a bit.

Natsu suddenly turned towards me, resting his arm on the back of the couch and I felt my stomach swarm.

“So what college do you go to?” He asked, looking genuinely curious.

“Hargeon, down south a bit from here.” I said.

“Oh that sucks, I go to Magnolia. I was wondering why I hadn’t seen you around before.” He thought out loud.

He was looking around for me? Wow, now I made the weirdest laugh I’ve ever made before. I combed my fingers through my hair again, “Yeah, that would’ve been cool if we went to the same place.”

I felt my cheeks burning bright red, glancing up to him from under my eyelashes. Jeez, why did I always have to turn into a middle school girl when I was around people I liked?

“You keep messing with those,” He nodded towards my bangs, giving me a cute, crooked smile.

I let my hand drop from my head and let out another laugh, sighing down to my body, “Yeah, sorry, Wendy didn’t tell me anyone was going to be coming over when she invited me, especially not her big brother so I just came over like this.”

I referenced to my sweatpants and hair and gave a simple shrug, turning towards him on the couch a little as well.

His smile widened a touch, “It’s okay, I don’t look much different. No one should really expect much from college students anyways.”

I laughed and nodded, stopping in my place as soon as I felt his fingers start to play with my bangs. He let go once I looked up to him, grinning. “I like your hair.”

I forced down the giant smile crawling up to my lips and instead let another nerve-wracking laugh slip out.

“I like you,” He said, as if the most casual thing ever, laughing at my laugh probably. “You’re really nice.”

I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to keep myself from practically exploding right then and there. “Thanks.

He sat there, absolutely refusing to take his eyes off me as I had some psychotic laugh attack, and obviously found great amusement in it. What can I say? He was literally the cutest guy I’d seen before and he just said that he liked me for heavens sake, how can that not make me overly happy? Most comments I got were always about some part of my body, which believe me, I was so tired of. He was so nice too! Do you know how rare that is for college guys??

“Did something funny happen that I completely missed?” He asked, still watching me with a giant smile.

I shook my head, still unable to form any words and covered my face, my cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Are you okay? Are you breathing?” He laughed, taking a hand away from my face with his.

I probably looked like some bright red lollipop, so I just fell forwards, still giggling like a maniac and fell into his chest. What was about him that made me so happy?

I heard a door slam shut, and a loud sigh that made me finally relax and sit up. Grandeeney stood, staring at Natsu with a certain look.

“Really Natsu? You’ve been here for barely an hour and you’re already making girlfriends?”

All the color drained from my face. Wow, can I get any more mortified at this moment?

Natsu looked up to her, as if musing it over, and gave a small shrug with a smile. “Maybe.”

YUP. I CAN.

The Gems that make up the Diamond Authority *Theory

 Steven bomb 4 full of wonderful episodes where we learn the background history of the crystal gems a little, and have some fun but also it had very interesting information of the history of the Diamonds. So here I will like to get into more detail about this because I have some very enthralling thoughts, and maybe to include more proof that Pink Diamond was Rose quartz or not (although this isn’t my ideal focus it will probably end up being) 

So shall we?

We learn in the episode “The Answer” that Blue Diamond was on earth and was probably the only one in control of turning the earth into another one of the Diamond Authority’s colony because she is the only Diamond to be mentioned in Garnet’s love story. And because Peridot looks at the original plans for the earth it shows us how the earth was meant to be turned into another colony, and Hollowed out as Ranoldo predicted but a little too late…maybe?

While we also see her murals on the moon, along with the other diamonds where only the most elite gems can enter. Looking at her mural people have said that Blue Diamond was holding the earth, like this mural of Blue Diamond looks as though she is holding the earth which is where she was in Garnet’s story. My only doubt is that it looks like it has a ring around it like Saturn(you can see that it is right below the 1st planet under her hand). Which earth does not have but it could be any of those planets she has that are earth but there is too little detail to confirm it. 

With this information it is likely that each Diamond was in charge of turning a planet, earth in this example into another colony which means that it is possible each diamond had their own set of planets in which they were in control of or on other terms each diamond were assigned a planet specific to what that diamond was best at doing. I can believe this is true because everything we’ve seen up to now about the way a gem do, make, or dress is connected to their gem’s personality or what they were made for. Like the Crystal gems rooms are connected to how their gems are made, so with that said maybe creating colonies is what Blue Diamond was made for or one of her highest trait that lacks in the other Diamonds because according to Peridot they are flawless beings.

We also see Yellow Diamond’s mural as well.

She also has a set of planets herself, though we can’t say what her job was or her purpose that made up the great Diamond Authority due to little information.  However with the information we do have I have come to a conjecture.

 Because Peridot describes her in these three words reasonable, rational, and  efficient decider, it is that she was more likely responsible for the advancement in gem technology. Seeing the logical if the gems just keep working the faster production and the better beneficial technology from it an example of this is when Peridot speaks to Yellow Diamond in person after giving her report she says she will send her off to her next mission. Being reasonable of the choices she makes as to how she will be sure everyone will do their work properly and efficiently she is the ideal gem for advancing their weapons, repairing broken things such as warps, that wasn’t able before, and maybe even reconstructing shattered and or corrupted gems. Though I don’t know how she efficiently makes sure everything is completed in her way and as to what consequences are held for not.

It could be that her planets were meant for that purpose. Leading on perhaps this is why the cluster is planted in the earth. But if the planet was assigned to Blue Diamond why was a plan that only could be thought by a magnificent gem as of Yellow Diamond is planted on earth where they wanted a colony to be at.

yes The Rebellion and Rose Quartz

We all know that Rose Quartz lead the rebellion but it is also theorized that she was in fact part of the Diamond Authority, while some doubt others like me can believe this is true. 

If you take a look at these picture you can see what I mean and at the least see this isn’t just a coincidence.

this is the Diamond Authority’s symbol from the homeworld ship

and this is the Diamond Authority’s symbol from the sky arena

That includes another Diamond pink and most relate-able to Rose Quartz and Pearls says this is the sky arena where one of the first battles for earth started 

and I can take that as consideration because doesn’t this

look strikingly similar to this

not to mention this

I know I’ll have doubters that the sky arena could possibly be the place Garnet story first took place. BUT

I can say that the way it is designed and the pillars that are so similar to the one in Garnet story could genuinely be the place, not only that but what happens in Garnet story is Pearl and Rose putting on a small attack on the Homeworld gems. With that said The Sky arena had to be built before Rose’s Rebellion because now Pink D is no longer included as part of the new Homeworld gems Authority Symbol honestly what else could have happened?

Then there is this 

another Diamond Authority symbol in a Diamond temple where the war for the Earth took place. I can say this had to be built during the war because pink diamond is no longer included and it is such a coincidence that When Pink Diamond is gone Rose’s Rebellion starts to take its heights.

 There’s also a teaser of Pink Diamond in the old Diamond Base

Where Pink Diamond symbol is also included. I rather not go into any other Detail as to whether Rose was Pink Diamond because she isn’t exactly my focus point.

In other terms this picture I find the most interesting out of all and what I really find the most fun to go into detail with.

Yes White Diamond We’ve seen her mural before too In the Diamond’s temple

Yes the gem with all the hands circling her White Diamond though we don’t see her in action like we saw Blue Diamond in Garnet’s story or Yellow Diamond in “Message Received” but her color consist of white and only 3 out of the Diamonds are shown resembling Yellow, Blue, and White. But if that is so why doesn’t the Gem we see In the old Diamond base look anything like the White Diamond we see at the Diamond’s temple. Instead she looks more like the one seen with Rose Quartz.

Only that the one seen with Rose Quartz gem is on her chest like the other 2 diamonds. 

Or Maybe we have this whole mural thing wrong could it be that those are all the three diamonds.. or only 2 of 3? one being Yellow Diamond and the other two are the same gem, say if that is Blue Diamond and the other 2 are White and Yellow why doesn’t she look like Blue Diamond I mean look at her

Blue Diamond where’s a cover over her head not reveling her eyes. and the way the cape just sits over her head she couldn’t possibly possess that kind of hair otherwise you could see the shape it holds under that cover of hers. 

Thinking more into what if the Diamond’s on the 3 gems seen in the mural chest are just symbols and not actually their gem just to identify that they were the Diamonds.

Because if there is only 4 murals of the Diamonds this one 

has to be White Diamond who we don’t know much about and she holds her hand the same way the one in the mural does.

So I come to a conclusion that 

The Diamond on the left and the Diamond seen with Rose Quartz are the same gem and could be that White Diamond on the left is a old form and the one seen with Rose is her new form after regenerating.

Additionally the color pallet of the Diamond temple is heavily influenced on The shades of white. Just look at it

And this 

You can see her head White Diamond’s head and with that she is doing the same pose with her hands we’ve seen at the old Diamond’s base and in the mural of the Diamond’s temple. The way she does that seems to symbolize power, now it could be that the gem powering up the device is White Diamond gem and she is corrupted but still being useful to power up devices like Lapis was gem being able to power up the mirror she was trapped in. Then she does have the little upside down diamond on her head.

look at it though you cannot deny that that gem isn’t White Diamond but still it doesn’t explain who this is if that gem is White D

To sum this up I think the gem in the Diamond’s temple was White Diamond though in the murals her gem wasn’t on her head like the one in the old Diamond’s Base it could of been left out for detail and the diamond’s on the chest was simply to identify that, that gem was part of The Diamond Authority because her color pallet looks so similar to the one seen in “It Could’ve been Great” if the lightnings where neutral you could tell. Though the lack of detail in the mural at Diamonds temple they still put at upside down triangle on her head not her chest because they put her gem there. To what she holds between her hands looks like another Planet but could also symbolize power and because she does that maybe that is why her gem is placed below the head that powered up the Diamond’s temple instead of where it belonged to symbolize the power.

Now that we have discussed all of the Diamond’s this is what I have to make up of all this Blue Diamond the Diamond responsible for the colonies as in creating gems, Yellow Diamond the one behind the advancement in technology, White Diamond the one who possess the most power strength, and Rose Quartz formally known as Pink Diamond Love and Peace which binds everything and everyone together. I can see why they call them The Great Diamond Authorities where each Diamond lacks another Diamond has the key personality or trait that allows them to work together perfectly and create such a great Colony.

That being said Peridot says something interesting while talking to Steven in the car “Everygem has their strength and weaknesses but not them, their absolutely, totally, completely, flawless beings, especially my diamond.>:3″

She says especially my diamond like there is more than one so perhaps just maybe there is another Diamond alive and perhaps just maybe….

this

isn’t just a shipping reference of Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond but that There are Two Diamonds left Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond….. 

I honestly can’t believe you read this whole thing and I really appreciate it and hopefully you didn’t find this a waste of time. 

Let’s talk about Peter Pettigrew though. No matter how much you hate the man, he was a genuine part of the marauders, not some sidekick. Fight me if you believe this to be otherwise. We also know that Peter was NOT a mediocre wizard. He was able to find Voldemort where no other Death Eater could, and he brought him back. Oh, and let’s not forget: he was a friggin’ animagus! That shit isn’t easy. I always like to think that Peter was someone who needed some guidance at first, but once he got the hang of things, he rocked at them~ He also had this amazing eye for detail. James and Sirius would come up with the ideas for a prank, Remus would give them feedback (”Maybe leave out the dragon.”) and help work out the actual plan, and Peter? He’d point out these little faults the other three had overlooked, and add these subtle things to a prank, that made the entire idea even more genious. Also outside of their pranks, Peter would be the one to pay attention to the little things. At Christmas, he’d have these present containing the useless trinkets that nobody expects to receive, but is actually really happy with.

So, back to the animagus bit. Considering the above about Peter, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was the first one to actually transform into his animal form. James and Sirius helped him with the initial part of the learning process, but Peter was the first to notice this subtle pattern to the whole transformation.

One day, James and Sirius return to their dormitory after a long evening of studying animagi theory in the library. When Sirius wants to turn in for the night, he finds this fat rat sitting on his pillow. Of course he shrieks, (”JAMES! Get it OUT! Kill it, burn it, ooOOUUUT!), because he is just that brave around little critters. James, being the innocent animal lover/saviour he is, tries to convince Sirius it’s a cute rat, and picks it up. Upon closer inspection, James recognizes Peter, and he comes up with a plan. He gives Peter a wink, sets him down on the floor and calls for Sirius.

“Hey Sirius?”
“Did you get rid of it?!”
“Engorgio.”

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how Remus came back to the dormitory one night after his prefect duties, to James sporting a black eye, Sirius evidently pissed off muttering something about high treason, and Peter positively beaming with pride.

I avoid socializing in real life whenever I can because I know it will bring me more stress than any satisfaction, but when I can meet or even take the first step with someone who is apparently nice online, I can never get past small talk. And I alreayd know this will happen, I already know that even if we discuss something else, it will all vanish in only a few days. It’s so fucking hard to build a stable relationship and when it finally happens, my idealistic ass wants something more that doesn’t exist or that I can’t achieve through my own being. I don’t get my hopes up high, but some part of me still wants to stupidly believe only to get obviously disappointed

Kid's Room Sarumi Analysis/Review (K S2 E10 w/ E8)

So, the new episode..Something just seems off to me. I really don’t believe that Saruhiko has actual intentions of commiting to the Green Clan. While I don’t fully believe that it’s all part of a plan with Munakata to get information about the slates, since he actually seemed hurt/angry by Munakata’s words when he left Scepter 4, I do believe he has his own plan for something. I was really hoping for some interaction with Misaki, and for some improvement with their friendship! Misaki was REALLY angry when he found out, not at all like Kusanagi for example who was just shocked at first. From previous episodes it’s a plain fact that Misaki doesn’t want to fight anymore and wants to maybe talk things out. There was a scene in episode 8 that is just so important to my theory, and to their relationship:

The way that Misaki physically reached out for him and look at how his eyes got all sentimental! The part that makes me believe that it’s all some secret plan to Saruhiko, is when he says that things are gonna get interesting and to try to keep up to Misaki. It definitely foreshadows something in the future that we haven’t found out yet, and it’s gonna be big. I don’t think that he was talking about just joining the Green Clan, because it just doesn’t make sense, and the tone and the way he said it just doesn’t work.

Way back when season 2 had just came out, I saw these posts on tumblr that were official art and [potential] quotes from Saruhiko and Misaki. I forget what they were but I’m gonna try and find them now, and maybe do a little review for them to since they really contradict how the plot is going.

Again, really sorry for how crappy the gifs came out but it’s so difficult when they can’t exceed over 1MB on tumblr

Hero Time: Getaway Drivers

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth.
Warnings:
Language, Canon-typical violence, Alien-MPREG
Pairings:
Tuckington
Rating:
T
Synopsis:
[Vigilante AU] Tucker’s life has been weird for a while. Weird enough that finding a brightly clad jackass bleeding out in the restaurant’s dumpster isn’t probably the weirdest thing that’s going to happen to him that day. Shenanigans ensued pretty readily.

A/N: Based on [this picture] by @ashleystlawrence and the initial prompting of @goodluckdetective.

We’re getting into the bigger plot stuff!!! I’M SO EXCITED TO START TYING THINGS TOGETHER AHHHHH

Thanks for the feedback to @secretlystephaniebrown, @ashleystlawrence, That_Crazy_Anime_Shipper, @ephemeraltea, Adventures_in_Writing, bangles25, Alkeni, HappyFunBallXD, Beawolfs_Pen, and @godoflaundrybaskets on AO3 and tumblr!

Sheila didn’t even ask why Tucker didn’t call Kai first for a ride, as was his usual. And though the concern was clear on her face as she looked at him from the curb of the police station, she didn’t ask too many questions about that either.

Though, of course, news about the Red Dead Blood Gulch Crew moved fast.

He shut the door of the van and glared ahead. “Thanks,” he muttered.

“Guess you just wanna go straight home,” she said, looking to the mirrors before beginning to pull out from the corner.

“Yeah,” he responded, looking ahead.

“Sorry about everything, sweetie,” she sighed.

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