some kind of future version of me

The Handmaid’s Tale: marketing, then and now

Comparing the Hulu adaptation of The Handmaid’s Tale to the 1990 version is… weird, because the old one seems to have been made with a “haha, this could never happen; let’s play it like a fun adventure thriller and sell it as sexy as possible!” kind of attitude. I mean, the trailer has this bouncy narration that starts with “once upon a time…” and turns the dystopian element into more of a soap opera.

And just take a look at the promotional art:

(…I don’t think that was the message of the book, guys. Sure, Offred was longing for human touch, or pretty much any kind of human connection, but I think that the book was more about women being reduced to wombs with legs, not state-owned prostitutes… It was about the desperation of needing to give birth or face punishment. Everything about this dystopia was hyper-de-sexualized.)

Oh, and my favorite:

“A psychosexual movie shocker.” With what looks like half the cover of a cheesy romance novel, minus some buff shirtless guy.

(I also think it’s kind of funny that they say “once upon a time in the near future” sex became used for control and domination, as if rape and prostitution haven’t existed for centuries… but okay…)

I’ll admit I haven’t seen this version (or the Hulu one, for that matter), but I do appreciate that they cast a properly old and creepy man in the part of the Commander, and a properly aged woman for his Wife. The Hulu casting is a little youthful, if you ask me; the book characters felt very weathered, and I think it mentioned that they were supposed to be quite a bit older than Offred. Her “affair” with the Commander is supposed to feel very weird and unsettling, partially because he’s this old man who wants someone to play Scrabble with and dress up in sequins.

Anyway, then we had what I call the “holy shit these dystopias are too real” phase, culminating with the new Hulu adaptation of this particular dystopia, which is waaaay too relevant to today’s issues.

See? This is how you depict the feeling of objectification. Not with a topless woman bathed in flattering lighting – by objectifying a woman yourself, you’re not sending a message so much as continuing the trend. Especially when you sell your film as some kind of sexy romance. “Branded, sold, controlled: she belongs to The State” doesn’t quite cut it; this very simple, very clear message does. Offred is no longer human, she doesn’t have a face; she is just an object. Objectified.

(This also has some fantastic layering because it recalls the messages that you might find scrawled across the bathroom mirror meant to demean other girls; part of Gilead’s system involves pitting women against each other: Wives against Handmaids, Handmaids against Aunts, even Handmaids against each other out of jealousy and in the Red Center with their slut-shaming. To stay in power, the men at the top make sure that the women below them are too occupied with resenting each other that they forget to look up at who the real enemy is.)

*holy FUCK*

Now THAT is how you market a dystopia. This story is not some scandalous fantasy set in the near-but-distant future; it’s a warning, of what might be lurking just around the corner. The Handmaid’s Tale is an incredibly frightening book to read today, because of the things that are being allowed to happen in our society. It shows what happens when we let sexism flourish, when ecological and political crises make us paranoid enough about national security that we let the people in power take away our rights. It is a fucking nightmare.

anonymous asked:

How do u learn to love yourself? I'm having a hard time finding reasons to love myself for years now and I'm just wondering how do people love themselves? Are there steps or something

Hi, I don’t know how to explain this because in my case, it’s sort of like a self-discovery kind of thing? It’s a choice that happened gradually, a choice that made me realize I deserve better, that I could make myself happy. Here are some tips to help you I guess:

  • Appreciate the little things about you.Try not to be hard on yourself and love your flaws the way you love your strengths.
  • Do not dwell on the past. Really, this is the most brutal form of torture. So please, forgive your mistakes in the past, forgive yourself and use this as your “trigger” to become a better version of yourself! Focus on the present, make it better for your future.
  • Know that you deserve better and you know what’s one of the greatest love you could ever receive? yes that’s right, it’s self-love!
  • You are more than what other people perceive you to be! Stop, just please stop comparing yourself to other people and/or making sure that everybody likes you. This is the most difficult part of the process in my own opinion. And it sucks big time because I can’t help it. I’m slowly learning how to stop letting other people’s opinion get into my nerves though. The only opinions that you shall need are your own and those that are meant to help you grow up!
  • Your happiness should not be dependent to other people! You should learn how to be responsible of your own happiness. Invest in your own happiness because really, people come and go and the only person who will stay by your side is YOU!!
  • Get toxic people out of your life! For the love of god, please. You abso-freaking-lutely deserve better than these people. Please give them time to grow and become better, kinder before accepting them once again in your life.
  • Be genuinely you. Focus on making yourself better and change because you want to and not because someone told you that you’re like this or like that. Literally, it feels waaay waaay better to just start acting the way you are and not the way you want to or othwr people want to.
  • Enjoy little things in life!!! It will make you realize that you are as beautiful as the wonders of this planet!!
  • Understand that there are things that are not meant for you. This is a harsh truth and i had to learn it the hard way but yeah, there are things that aren’t just made to be yours and that’s okay. There are far greater and better things that are likely meant for you!! However, it requires both patience and passion before getting there!!
  • Be kind to yourself and other people! Couldn’t stress this enough! I know it gets exhausting but please try your best to take those baby steps!
That’s it, bee!! Good luck and I believe in you! Love ya! 💟

anyway i for one am enjoying the hell out of moon festival so far and do not feel like i’m settling for something but rather that i’m finally getting a good first taste of what fgo really has to offer and i know there are much better events to come but i’m loving it so far and i know the investments i’m making into it will pay off on the long term

Losing game (bulletproof chapter 2)

(This is part 2 of a multi chapter fic! Check the tag bulletproof to read chapter one.)

We interrupt your current programming to bring you (drum roll, please) the other plot! Don’t worry, the next chapter picks up right where we left off with Roman and Logan, but for now here’s some moxiety. I wanted to set the scene a little more before we get into the spicy stuff, but don’t u worry it’s on it’s way. This chapter is a little short, but we aren’t really too far into the plot yet. Sorry for the crummy formatting, as always, I’m writing on mobile, so it’s not ideal. >:/

This au is getting too fluffy for me to handle tbh. Get ready for some Domestic Hurt Comfort Boys™ in the future… *rubs my little gay demon hands together* here we gooooooo

Ps: the song anx sings is “Love is a losing game” by Amy Winehouse. If you listen to the demo version you can kinda tell what it would sound like on guitar!

TRIGGERS:
Swearing, food mention, character forgets to eat

Chapter two:

Today… was not a great day. Alex huddled close to the side of the building, trying to get under any kind of ledge he could to stay out of the rain. It wasn’t pouring, necessarily, but it was more than a drizzle. Unfortunately, his usual rainy day spot at the subway station had been taken by some asshole with a violin, so he was stuck busking out side of some hipster lunch place.
It was a pretty good spot when the weather was clear. Bunch of environmentally conscious college students, sitting outside eating farm fresh whatever? Just spout out some edd sheeran and that’s his rent check.
Today, however, the weather was not clear, there was no one sitting out side, the shop didn’t have an awning, and he was getting really sick of singing edd sheeran. (He didn’t mind it, just… there’s only so many times he can play the same four songs without wanting to snap his guitar in half.)

He sighed, staring at the few soaked bills in his case, and tried not to feel bitter. It didn’t really work. His hands started strumming cords lazily, almost without thinking about it, trying to remember what song it was from. It hit him, after a bit, and he started singing, half to himself, half to passers by, barely trying to be heard over the rain.

/For you I was aflame.
Love is a losing game.
Five story fire as you came.
Love is a losing game./

He forgot he taught himself this song. It wasn’t a popular one for guitar, but it was fun to sing. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the building.

/One I wish I never played,
Oh what a mess we made.
And now the final frame,
Love is a losing game./

When he opened his eyes again, the sky was obnoxiously yellow. His hand stopped on the cord. Someone was holding an umbrella over his head. He turned to find a man about his age, maybe a few years older, holding an umbrella patterned with gaudy, bright sunflowers.
/…what the hell…/
The umbrella guy covered his mouth like a cartoon, his eyes wide.
“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you stop!” Alex blinked at him.
“It’s fine… did you… uh… need something, or?” Umbrella guy started grinning. Alex had thought the flowers were bright, but they had nothing on this guys dimples. Holy shit.
“Nope! I’m all good.”
It took Alex a minute to process.
“…Then why are you standing here?” He didn’t mean to be rude. Except he kind of did. It’s not like he had a pr department.
“Well. It’s raining!” The stranger said, like that explained everything.
Alex looked out onto the street, and turned back, deadpan.
“…Yup.”
It took the guy a bit to realize he wanted further explanation. When he did, he rubbed the back of his neck, looking almost embarrassed. But clearly, anyone with that umbrella couldn’t be embarrassed if they tried, so Alex figured he was faking it.
“Well, I figured if you’re playing you can’t hold an umbrella, so I’ll come hold one for you!” Alex narrowed his eyes.
“I can’t exactly pay you much, man.” He gestured to his nearly empty case. “And I don’t really do favors.”
Umbrella guy chuckled. “Oh, that’s ok, I’m on my lunch break.” Alex looked at him like he just grew another head and kissed it.
“This is what you chose to do. With your lunch break.”
“Yup!”
“Shouldn’t you like… eat lunch, or something?”
The guy smacked himself on the forehead with his free hand.
“Ohhhh, I forgot I hadn’t eaten yet.”
How the hell did Alex get in this situation.
“What, all day? Really?”
The guy bit his lip, nodding.

/god danm it./

Alex started to pack up.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m buying you lunch.” He grabbed the small handful of cash at the bottom of the case and shoved it in his pocket.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that!”
Alex glared at the guy. “I’m the reason you’re not eating lunch on your lunch break. I’m
buying.”

He swung his guitar, now in its case, over his shoulder and started walking towards the door to the hipster food place they were standing outside. The guy followed him, still babbling that he really didn’t have to. He strolled up to the counter, and slapped his handful of cash down. He had… what, a little over ten? Enough for a sandwich. Umbrella guy had folded up his umbrella, and followed him up to the counter. Maybe it was just the rain, but his cheeks were bright pink.

“I’ve got enough for a sandwich. What’d you want?”
“I- you really don’t have to-”
“Look, I’m just going to order something, and if you don’t eat it I will.”

A girl came up to the register from the kitchen. Alex was about to order when she turned to the guy, confusion on her face.
“…Boss?”
If he was pink before, umbrella guy was well into red now.
“I told you to call me Moe, Julie…” he mumbled. Alex wanted to scream at something.
“You… work here?” The girl he called Julie snorted.
“Work here? He’s the owner. What’d he do this time?”
Alex ignored her in favor of her boss, who was at this point clearly past embarrassed.
“You own a lunch place and forgot to eat?”
He knew his voice was getting high pitched, but his dismay over took any instinct to lower it. Julie tutted.
“Boss, again? I keep telling you, set a reminder on your phone.” The guy (Moe?) threw his hands up in defeat, chuckling.
“Alright, alright, I’ll have an iced tea and a house special.” He shot Alex a look out the corner of his eye that made his skin feel warmer.
“Make that two.”

anonymous asked:

Have you done a Bishamon vector? If so could you link it? If not can you do one sometime in the future purty please? Your vectors are so awesome!

I’ve vectored Bisha a few times, but I never get tired of it. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO DO IT AGAIN (feat. some of her glorious shinki). And thank you for saying you like my vectors ;;

(alternate version under the cut!)

Keep reading

@ artists! i need u

hi frens

I’m thinking of streaming on Twitch here in the near future, so I’m looking for a(n) artist(s) (???) to help me out with Twitch emotes along with some simple illustrations to use for offline & BRB screens & stuff.

Twitch emotes are teeny, and I’d be fine at looking at some pixel art if you are that kind of artist! If you think you can do small cell-shaded type stuff, that’d be cool to see, too.

For the bigger stuff, I’d need something with a transparent background. I’m thinking stuff like a cute version of myself curled up with my doggos. (Think maybe kinda like pusheen-style art, I guess? Just cute.) Then I’ll put that on a larger screen with some text/graphics stuff I’ll do myself.

So in short:

  • cute stuff, including humans, dogs, skulls, bird skulls, birds, and crystals
  • pixel art
  • cute cell-shaded type stuff
  • or otherwise cute & small & simple art
  • if you think you can do emotes but not the larger illustrations, that’s fine!
  • if you think you can do the larger stuff but not the emotes, that’s also fine!
  • just contact me friend

This stuff would be up on my Twitch like.. always, once they’re up, so we can discuss price & how/where you want your credit placed! I’m cool with having your name/Patreon/deviantArt/whatever on the static images for the screens, in a flashy but non-watermark type of way. Emote credit will probably have to stay in my panels section below the stream, can’t really fit inside the emote.

If you’re not sure if your style fits what I’m looking for, hit me up anyway!

“Infected” - Requested Oneshot

“Infected” - Requested Oneshot 

My Masterlist - Here

Tag List - Here

Jim Gordon x Reader

Word Count: 1,214

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Your Last Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Cursing, kind of rape-y vibes, violence, making out

Originally posted by twofacedharveydent

Summary:

Author’s Note: So I hope I did okay!

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces (All Works, Specific Fandoms, or Specific Multi-Parts), please let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX


The Alice Tetch virus was old news, or so you thought. You knew basically everything that went on in the criminal world of Gotham because your longtime boyfriend, Jim Gordon, was part of the GCPD. There was some weaponized version of the virus loose in Gotham. So he was working insane hours since everything went completely wacky.

Because of this, you decided it would be a nice surprise to bring him lunch. You were sure he was overworking and forgetting to eat, like he usually does. So you picked up sandwiches for you two and Harvey (since he is always hungry) from your favorite shop and walked into the GCPD. Everyone knew who you were, so you didn’t really need to check in with anyone. You saw Jim talking to Harvey about something and made your way towards them.

Harvey couldn’t help but look worried. Jim was facing away from you, but you could see him breathing a bit heavy.

“Hey there, (Y/N)!” Harvey said a bit too loud. Jim shook out of whatever phase he was in and turned to you. You had a smile on your face as you held up the bag of sandwiches and carrier with three drinks in it.

“Hey guys! I brought lunch!” You took Harvey’s stuff and handed it to him, he was honestly so grateful to have you as a friend.

“I’m gonna go eat this in my office. Jim, you need to catch her up on what’s been going on. Holler if you need me.”

Keep reading

A Love Across Time Part 8/14

Warnings: Swearing

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Y/N - Your name

Anonymous Request: Idk if you’re taking in request but i have one of you could possibly do a reader X Bucky ? She has cosmic powers and can show a universe in her hands and one day he was testing her limits and she went back in time to the 40s ?

I DID IT!!! I MANAGED TO GET THE UPDATE DONE IN TIME FOR FRIDAY!!!!!

Part 1 II Part 2 II Part 3 II Part 4 II Part 5 II Part 6 II Part 7 II Part 8 II Part 9 II Part 10 II Part 11 II Part 12 II Part 13 II Part 14

When Bucky and Steve arrived at the diner it was still fairly early in the morning. There were only a few patrons and they searched the faces for Y/N’s.

“She isn’t here Buck. I’m sorry.” Steve said and patted Bucky on the back.

Bucky felt hopeless. He had no idea where she would go if not here. He took a deep breath and stood there not sure where to go next.

“Can I help you boys?” Joanne asked and when Bucky lifted his face she recognized him instantly.

“Ah, she isn’t here anymore.”

Keep reading

80's movies:

1980:

Blue Lagoon, The

Coal Miner’s Daughter

Elephant Man, The

Friday the 13th— this tag used for the whole series

—-

1981:

—-

1982:

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Annie

—-

1983:

Flashdance

Outsiders, The

Terms of Endearment

—-

1984:

Sixteen Candles

Gremlins

Footloose

NeverEnding Story, The

The Karate Kid

Purple Rain

Red Dawn - both versions

A Nightmare on Elm Street— tag for the whole series

—-

1985:

St. Elmo’s Fire

The Goonies

The Breakfast Club

Just One of the Guys

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Weird Science

Back to the Future

Mask

Legend of Billie Jean, The

Secret Admirer

Color Purple, The

Pee-wee’s Big Adevnture

—-

1986:

Labyrinth

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Pretty in Pink

Stand By Me

Lucas

Maximum Overdrive

The Boy Who Could Fly

—-

1987:

Dirty Dancing— My all time favorite!

Adventures in Babysitting

Summer School

Lost Boys, The

Princess Bride, The

Some Kind of Wonderful

Can’t Buy Me Love

Overboard

Ernest Goes to Camp

1988:

Young Guns

Beetlejuice

Hairspray —this tag used for both versions

Heathers

Purple People Eater

License to Drive

Child’s Play — this tag used for the whole series

Ernest Saves Christmas

—-

1989:

Teen Witch

Shag

Say Anything…

Dead Poets Society

She’s Out of Conrol

Steel Magnolias

Weekend at Bernies

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Prancer

Troop Beverly Hills

—-

OTHER:

Gone with the Wind (1939)

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

Niagara (1953)

River of No Return (1954)

Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

Seven Year Itch, The (1955)

Some Like it Hot (1959)

Cabaret (1972)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Rocky— the whole series (1976)

Grease (1978)

Halloween (1978) – this tag used for the whole series

————————————————————————————-

I have a lot more to tag, over 2000 shows/movies saved in drafts.

anonymous asked:

This has mostly already been asked before but what is this High School AU you are taking about? It seems cool but I would like some info, if that is alright

My goal is to make a manga in the future from this au.

I would love if people joined in and made the story along with me! At first, I wanted to make something more of a shojo, but then I thought I’d combine more types. Just no gore nor NSFW.

Kind of a high school life story, just anime version. :D

Thank you for asking!♥♥♥♥

Helloooo lovebugs! I’m Lena and I’ll be playing Scarlett Singh once again, the gang doctor for La Nostra Famiglia! Last time life got in the way and took me from you (crey) but I’m baaack! So, Scar’s been in Vegas for five years now and also works at the hospital, cares very much about people and doesn’t care much about the gangs and their silly fights. she has some truth issues and doesnt let anyone et too close bc she’s kind of damaged (but who isn’t?)

Keep reading

Confession:  People who claim F!lavellan is the “truest version” of inquisitor because of her potential romance annoy me. That romance might seem important because it’s with the main antagonist, but it doesn’t actually have a huge influence on the direction of the plot. There’s not even a guarantee that it will have any relevance to future installments. Your warden could be the king or queen of thedas and that barely mattered in future games. Exclusivity does not signify some kind of uber plot importance.

Christian Bloggers Trying To Go Viral: Preaching All Day But Ain't Living Your Bible

 

If you’re a Christian, whether you like it or not, you’re preaching with your blog.  This is a big deal.  Of course, we all have an insecurity that we don’t deserve the platforms we have.  Most of us are conveying a hologram of the person we-would-like-to-be.

I think it’s okay to be honest about that – to say, “I’m not there yet."  We’re all still learning here, most especially me.

The harsh truth is, I see too many Christian bloggers who are trying to preach much further than they really are and always talking from a condescending high ground of pseudo-idealism.  Include me in there: I’m always tempted to act tougher than I really am.  We seem to care less about loving actual people and more about tweeting our moral epiphanies.  It’s a lot of full-time blogging from part-time Christians only saying things they’d like to do, like a half-competent coach who pushes his students so he can live vicariously through their success.  If that sounds mean, it’s because it hurts my heart to see so much passion with no momentum.

I wish we were more transparent about how hard it really is: not in a way that enables or pampers, but actually relies on the God we claim to love.  I wish we could stop chest-bumping the hardness of our right theology and stop shaming other Christians with coercive manipulative one-liners.

It’s easy to be a basement blogger and to post photos of the mission trip; it’s harder to roll up our sleeves everyday and get into the grit of real hurting lives.

Blogging naturally necessitates that you put your life on hold to write about your experiences – but if you go immediately from the moment to blogging, you’re not really letting the experience take hold of your heart.  Soon you’re only doing the bare minimum to write for likes and reblogs, which is not transformative but showcasing.  We can all see through it.

If you keep taking shortcuts from living to blogging by skating on the surface of faith, you’ll short-circuit intimacy with the glorious, face-melting, galaxy-sculpting Creator – and He’s the only one who can pierce our hearts deep enough to genuinely sacrifice for each other.

It’s cool if you have the Instagram with the ocean wallpaper and the pick-me-up verses in fancy fonts.  I just think God would rather you be you and not some shrill version of you, to be honest about your unique challenges in this journey with Him.

 

If I Hear "Wrecked” One More Time

I saw a blog post the other day about “The Future of The Church” written by a guy who was about twenty years old, with all kinds of bold declarations about the decline of ministry.  I think it was supposed to “wreck” me.  I like him and he’s a good person, but I sort of cringed at the whole thing.  Not because he was wrong, but because he cared too much about being right.

I kept wondering, “Why should I even listen to what you’re preaching?  What positional authority or experience do you have over church culture? Do you even care about me?”  Zero percent of the post showed that he cared about the church or his fellow Christian or that he even knew what he was talking about.  And he’s never served at church, ever.

I know this sounds awfully judgmental and out-of-character for me, and I suppose I’m defeating my own point. 

But that’s the problem.  Somehow it’s okay to confront others with conviction, but we never turn it on ourselves.  We’re scared of surgical self-examination so we have blogs that throw it at everyone else.  Me too.  We’re tempted to “convict” people with upstanding one-liners that will “wreck” you, and it goes viral because 1) it feeds the default inner-Pharisee and 2) we’re feeding a circle of hyper-spiritual mania.  Listening to Paul Washer sermons is like a badge of salvation.  I guess it’s enough to “feel moved” as if this is movement itself.

We quote verses and other inspirational quotes without living them, because encountering God is too much for our fragile egos.  Everyone’s talking about finding God’s Will and “being led by the Spirit” – but imagine if you actually found it and you were actually led.  It’s safer just to keep it at an abstract doctrinal distance.

It means admitting the problem is not the “future of the church” or luke-warm Christians or whatever else we’re yelling at.  It means the problem is me.

 

Christianese Frankenstein

I suspect that most bloggers are randomly grabbing at quotes from people they’ve never heard of and stitching them together to create some ideal version of themselves, and then projecting that on everyone else. There’s probably a good way to do this, but not when it’s suffocated by passive-aggressive anger. We can tell when it is, and not even you would listen to yourself if you read your own blog.

I don’t need more guilt-trips and Jesus-Juking.  I don’t need a top-down authority, but a side-by-side humility.  It’s being humble that gives you the actual authority to say what you’re saying.

I’m not underestimating the youth.  I’m not saying there can’t be sixteen year old bloggers who bring the truth.  I’m saying that demanding respect simply by saying Christian-type cliches is completely disingenuous to the humility of the Christian faith.   The intensity of my blogging doesn’t make me a better Christian.  If this was the measure, then churches would be ineffectual powerless isolated ivory towers. 

 

Too Many Leaders, Not Enough Living

Why would we even want the responsibility to preach and to lead?  That’s not something to play with.  If you actually want to have a platform to preach Christian-sounding stuff, you might already be doing it wrong.

To claim to be in a teaching position means you get the stricter judgment (James 3).  This means I’m accountable for every word I speak from my platform.  Again, if you have a Christian blog, you’re already teaching.  There are three entire letters from Paul written to leaders about the prerequisites to lead in the church, and 90% of the bloggers I see don’t meet them.  Why so eager to be visible?  The Bible has plenty to say about people who mislead.

The main issue with Christian bloggers is we often ask someone to do something that we’re first not doing ourselves.  It’s fine if we’re growing away from hypocrisy.  Everyone is on a journey of faith and we can’t judge that.  But it’s not okay if we’re calling out others on things we’re still wrestling with, as if this somehow compensates for your double life.

I’m just as capable of being selfish and conceited.  Which is why I’m begging you: Please do not trust me or any other Christian blogger for wisdom.  Bloggers are not your counselors.  Discern, discern, discern. Don’t set me or anyone else on a pedestal.  See the fruit.  See what is of God, and toss out the rest.  Don’t buy into it wholesale. Please think for yourself, because God gave you a mind to do so.

 

Jesus Already Got Us There

If your blog is really tough about church-stuff but you never get into the real-world, you’re raising the wall too high on the God who came into the dirt to be one of us.  Jesus did not preach at but he preached for, and that’s the difference between pointing your finger over a chasm or holding hands through the valley.

People are not just receptacles to push around with tough-sounding theology; they don’t have levers that instantly turn on faith. We do need conviction, but from a heart that sees not who we should be, but could be.

If we absolutely have to speak from a position of authority, at the very least we can stop saying, “You better do this” – and instead say, “It is done.”  We could understand that not everyone is where you are or thinks like you or even believes God is real.  At least we can point to the wonder and amazement of having a book called the Bible and be in awe of the possibility that God has spoken to us tiny little humans.  These things rend me with grief for the person next to me, with the same heart-torn grace and patience that God had for me.

Maybe we can preach some of those quotes to ourselves before we turn them into shackles. And maybe we can have room to talk about our weaknesses, about where we fall short of the very things we demand from others, because none of us are there yet, and honesty motivates me more than bludgeoning me with idealism. I need a hand up. I want to know how to get there with you.

I love you, dear friends, and I hope we can meet confidently in our honesty, to be open about where we fail and simply point to The One who doesn’t.

– J.S.

Where Is Sparks Video?

I’ve been fucked over so many times in the music business over the past 12 years, I could have filled a bestseller in Barnes And Noble… and so far, I’ve just kept my mouth shut… I’ve always been cautious of burning bridges or getting in more trouble than I already do (ayeee) but perhaps pretending everything was ok wasn’t the right thing to do either. (Coz then people just think I fell off the face of the earth)
So now I am going to speak out and tell the truth so that my fans know that it’s not ME that’s slacking and so that other artists will be able to avoid these types of situations. Also, let this serve as an example to to anyone in the future trying to screw me over, hoping I’ll keep my mouth shut…

Sparks video started with the song leaking. Somehow someone got their hands on a copy of sparks (i think i know who you are) and my fans started sharing it and saying how much they loved it. I would have rather waited till I had the backing for a real radio push but I was like well fuck it we may as well make it available, make cover art (thanks Matt @ #FanLabel) and make a visual as it was already out there.. I actually even made my own dope version of the visual that next day using footage from my iPhone in slo mo at this crazy bonfire with sparks everywhere. I was gonna just throw that out there the next day as the official music video just so I could give my fans content (which I always favor) but we were torn on if we should release a janky (but authentic) Neon special, or bother to take a legit approach to this already janky ‘release’ and shoot a “high end” new video, EVEN without any time to plan full marketing and radio campaign.

To test the waters, one of my business partners matched me with a new production company in Hollywood. They showed me some of their previous work and it was ok, and then they created a treatment and mood video that looked pretty good. They had an investor backing them and he was willing to front the money for the budget so that I didn’t even have to pay for it up front and would just pay back over time. This seemed like a great situation… despite the warning i had that these guys were kinda shady.

So anyway, unfortunately, I ended up in the hospital the week we were supposed to shoot. They told me no worries and that they would just shoot the one day of scenes that they didn’t need me for. But then then at a later date said they have to add $6k to the budget for that lost day that i was in hospital or else we couldn’t come to an agreement. My team tried to get them to show us receipts for these additional expenses and they refused and resisted transparency with these expenses. That was my first time thinking that they were trying to take advantage of me.

When I got on set day 1 of filming they told me their producer is going to play my lover and the guy who was a real actor (and who was actually attractive) they were going to have play my brother. Even after I pulled them aside and said I think we should change the storyline they convinced me this was just a better way. They had me make out with their producer over and over again on camera … Totally unnecessary shots that didn’t even make it into the video.

But, they made me feel like a friend and that I could trust them so I continued to do so.. They had some kind of personal beef with one of my business partners and used that against me to try and put me in a more vulnerable situation by actually adding to the contract that 'he may not be on any future sets or have any involvement’. I clearly do not have any control over another human being, so to sign THAT would be obscene.

The ironic part is, they sent me the first version of the contract and I signed it like a fool. But after a few days of them not reciprocating, i became suspicious and not to my surprise, they came back with a different contract asking more from me. Who does that besides total slime balls?! In new contract I would need to be at their disposal promoting myself as their Artist and owe them x, y and z.. I even tried to meet in the middle on this and agreed to do a non paid show for them and help promote their company.. But this was still not enough.

All we kept asking for was RECEIPTS so we could lock in a price and move forward but clearly this made them agro to the point they finally came back with an offer that had DOUBLED from the original budget and required a large up front payment.

bottom line is, I’ve been quiet recently trying to wrap this shit up behind the scenes but these weeks spent going back and forth on this contract has got nowhere.. in fact, it’s just got worse so i’m backing out of their ever increasing and frankly just quite shitty deal completely. Maybe had they tried to do this to me at an earlier date i would have been more flexible but now we are fighting for a video that Hillary Duff just came out with the same song title and I’ve seen all over TV already.

So, where is the sparks video that i put so much hard work into? .. On their hard drive collecting dust. i don’t even have a copy to watch myself as they deleted the vimeo link. Imagine that, an artist who can’t even show her friends her new music video.

i really hope you guys get to see the video somehow, one day.. maybe if you ask them kindly they’ll show you ;) .. Or start a peaceful protest or let them know what you think on their social media feed (#FreeSparks) or start a petition or something! I’m leaving it to you my fans now to decide what to do!! #FanLabel

Neon ✌️

Comic Appreciation Post

AKA Raph vs Raph

So this little gem of a scene is from the Archie Adventure run of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #43, of the Future Shark Trilogy. Essentially, A future-version of Raphael and Donatello bust in on our guys asking for help, and there’s an inevitable adventure. Archie is among my least favorite of the incarnations, but it has its moments.


Here are some reasons why I love this scene:

- Future!Raph is kind of critical (though in a gentle way) of his younger self. In response, Present!Raph is quickly baited into defensiveness. Future!Don and Present!Don get along together fabulously, reassuring and borderline-complimenting each other in other scenes. Not the Raphs, though. There’s a palpable tension between these two in this scene. To me, this stresses the fact that regardless of how hard Raph can be on people, inside, he’s the hardest on himself.

- Legit advice that a lot of people can relate to. I mean, just imagine the opportunity to say something, anything to your younger self. Raph basically decides, ‘Fuck it. It’s awkward as hell, but I need to say something.’ 

- Raph’s ‘Well, Durrrr’ to himself cracks me up.

-It’s canonically established that they have every reason to suspect an impressively long lifespan. It seems that the longevity of the turtle’s unmutated descent is only heightened by their exceptional health and stamina.