some funny shit on there omfg

okay I’m STILL not done the book yet because #life™ but some follow up reactions

  • The entire scene where Calypso and Apollo were trying to escape on the slow kiddy train at the Zoo had me in stitches holy shit
  • Apollo frantically hitting the gas and Calypso is just leisurely walking next to it while glaring at him??? And the guards? omfg I was dying
  • Meg’s entrance was dramatic and awesome good for her
  • Why the fuck is this 12 year old so good at sword fighting she can keep up with one of the deadliest swordfighters of the ancient world™
  • When Lit threatened Leo and Calypso essentially morphed into the knife emoji on spot. A plus.
  • I mean I’m just saying: I feel like a pregnant griffin isn’t more important than helping a tortured seven year old girl. But I still love Britomartis so I guess it’s whatever
  • I love how Lit was going on like he has a score to settle with Leo because ‘he and his friends’ fucked him up in Oklahoma but like….Leo didn’t contribute to that at all like Jason literally did everything during that fight??? That was kinda like important to Jason’s development and shit??? Leo and Piper were golden statues and Hedge was outside eating grass??? Shouldn’t Lit’s anger be focused on Jason??? lol
  • Idk I just found it funny (I want to see Jason Grace again)
  • Calypso managing to shove out some magic yeah girl!!!!
  • Leo meeting Meg was way too fucking funny omfg “so I understand you can like…control him?” and when Apollo tried denying it she makes him slap himself??? 😂
  • How did we fucking segue from lighthearted banter directly into Apollo having a vivid flashback of the time he had to murder the love of his life with his bare hands
  • Like I??? Was sobbing??? So hard???? Because a batshit insane Roman empire was getting killed by someone who loved him bc it was necessary for the world and the lover couldn’t stand to see anyone else hurt him??? Fuck me???? Rick Riordan ain’t real
  • “I couldn’t bare to look into the water without seeing my beloved’s betrayed face starring back” or whatever the fuck the line was but FUCK
  • Jo was a teenage girl crossdressing to fuck around with gangsters in the 1920′s before Artemis found her and honestly??? Goals
  • Also the scene where she was helping Apollo after his flashback was very sweet
  • Can’t believe the nerd spent like six hours playing soothing music just to get a griffin to lay an egg
  • Leo and Calypso better be whispering amongst themselves what I think they’re whispering
  • Leo seems a lot more…subdued than usual in this book? I don’t know if that’s just because we aren’t reading from his POV, or if it’s like a “I literally died and came back and then spent six months getting attacked every single day while trying to find home and now I’m stuck on another dangerous quest I’m fucking stressed” type thing, or if it could be from the relationship problems he’s having with Calypso, but either way he seems a little off and I’m worried about him
  • The Dread Pirate Valdez…leave.
  • How was that joke never made once on the Argo tho??? lol
  • The speed at which Leo seems to have emotionally adopted Meg is astounding and also #relatable
  • Meg’s far from my favorite character tbh but like??? I will probably punch everyone who’s ever frowned in her general direction in the face. Holy shit give this kid a break
  • She thinks Nero is scared of the mystery third emperor on the West Coast??? So….Caligula, probably? Laying my bets down on him now
  • I triggered the First Law of Percy Jackson” I had to put the book down bc I was laughing so hard I think that lines gonna end up on my gravestone or as the afterword in my autobiography omfg
  • “I’ve always had a phobia of snakes, especially if you included my step-mother Hera. BOOM!” I choked.
  • I like that half the time Apollo is able to figure out what to do to win because he has a general understanding of science
  • Like he knew his burst of godly voice power would only help so much, but he also knew if he stood in the right spot and yelled in the right frequency it would reverberate and knock over the bricks and shit??? NICE
  • How long were these kids wadding through a sewer how do none of them have hypothermia
  • Leo: *sets himself on fire* “Gather round, children.”
  • Like first off someone saying ‘gather round children’ is always going to make me laugh for some reason that’s just a fact but human torching it up really added to the effect lmao
  • Like okay I understand the set up of the room so that no one would look in the canal and see them but like…how the fuck did no one realize they were there that just felt too easy I’m sorry
  • Chia Girl
  • When they found the prisoners was horrifying omfg???
  • The two fucked up boys on a hunger strike???
  • “…Hunter the Hunter?” “Yeah, I’ve never heard that before.”
  • Tall, Dark and Jamie.
  • Apollo babe you’re on a rescue mission with a time crunch please you can check out Jamie later holy shit
  • Georgie made me wanna cry get her back to her Combat Moms immediately
  • The entire sequence of Apollo getting the door open: S C I E N C E  B I T C H
  • “Lemme just fill up some syringes with ammonia just in case”
  • Alright I’ll admit when Meg started insisting she had a feeling they needed to go through the door: I was really worried she was about to double cross him.
  • Glad I was wrong but tbh that whole arena dress rehearsal bullshit was STRESSFULL
  • S T R E S S F U L L
  • First of all: Apollo’s out here constantly complaining about his puny mortal body but manages to fight and climb and run with a heavy ass chair strapped to his back: okay,
  • Second of all: why did no one warn me about Livia the elephant I was on the verge of tears every time he mentioned her
  • Third of all: Monsters, ostriches, race cars, basketballs, football, human mercenaries, animals, like…what even the fuck else SO MUCH WAS GOING ON I would’ve died in ten seconds flat???
  • Fifth of all: THE FUCKING HUNTERS SHOW UP AND CAUSE EVEN M O R E CHAOS. Truly I don’t know how any of the main heroes survived that there was just too much.
  • The entire time I was reading it I was like “This feels like a giant fight at the climax of the book how the fuck are there more pages left what else is going to happen???” AND IM STILL WONDERING THAT LIKE
  • Thalia Grace has been returned to me.
  • Apollo’s strong urge to save Lit??? Okay I guess. It’s nice to see him being compassionate and shit but. I was kinda with Leo on that one lol
  • “Thalia Grace slid behind me on the elephant, which fulfilled one of the fantasies I’d had about the Hunter, although I never quite imagined it playing out like this” M E
  • What was his elephant-involved fantasy with Thalia I need a complete play by play lmao
  • Also the scene where Commodus dropped his composure for a sec and had a full-blown Angry Ex moment (which…he’s definitely entitled to). That was good and also I was highkey worried he might just try to kill my nerd then and there
  • Also that he’s not just mad that Apollo killed him but like. All their fucking history together. Shit’s intense.
  • Apollo loves this elephant so much after only like 15 minutes the first thing he’s gonna do when he’s immortal again is bless her or some shit
  • Also I’m glad they got that awful chainmail off her
  • The Hunters apparently just have a magical energy drink with mercury in it okay
  • Honestly??? I’m a little mad Artemis has been ordered not to contact him THE BOY JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS SISTER HOLY SHIT
  • Aaaaaand that’s about where I left off. Hoping to finish it all together the next time I get a chance. Hoping all the losers are alright. LOVING this book so far. Waiting to see an official reunion between Georgie and her Combat Moms. The Headless Ghost’s cryptic warning has me worried. Until next time…

Freedom and Whisky

Possibly my fave ep of s3 so far! It pretty much had all I was asking for from Claire’s 20th C storyline and the it did not disappoint in the feels department one bit!

Claire and Bree.

I loooved every second these 2 had together. Finally getting to see Claire have such beautiful heart to hearts with her daughter, both coming to terms with the choice being made and the consequences of it. They pulled every heart wrenching/poignant line from the book, which was just 🙌🏼!

There goodbye really hit me straight in the feels. I completely was mush by the time Claire gave her the pearls!

(Loved the wee Drums foreshadowing with the convo on the couch about never seeing her marry or hold her grandchild!)

Claire and Joe.

FRIENDSHIP GOALS! Another duo I just absolutely loved every second of! These 2 had such great chemistry, and we got some brilliant and iconic Claire/Joe goodness that had me grinning from ear to ear! I loved the bones scenes, I mean “someone nearly took her head off with a dull blade” Like damn, I CANNOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN SOMEONE’S PROTECTIVE RAGE TO COME OUT.

The Music.

BEST. SCORED. EP. OF. S3. For me that is. It hit every moment with such reminiscent feels, scores that hasn’t been heard in so long and are so quintessentially Claire and Jamie’s. A beautiful ebb and flow to the whole ep. Even the added sixties music was brilliant. My fave o which being her bat suit sewing theme! That I have to admit was a nice touch. That Claire is capable of sewing an entire outfit in a night, secret pockets and all lol I was just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'mma go with it!

Claire’s insecurities.

The way they framed her journey was so well done. Her first priority had been Bree. And only after speaking with Bree, did she start letting herself think of going back. And the beauty of the ep really shone with Cait’s delivery of Claire’s doubt. Her non verbal scenes - looking at herself in the mirror - or sitting alone with the pearls, there was just such genuine insecurity, that felt very real and grounded. Its something we all at some point have struggled with, and the show highlighted it beautifully.

Claire and Jamie!

Finally! Omfg those last 5mins were everything I could have asked for in terms of how to end the ep! It was perfect. I was saying in a DM before the ep how I’d hoped they’d finish it with him fainting, coz after such a heavy season, after such a long wait, we’ve never had an ep that’d finish on such a high, optimistic and funny note before the entire series. And when dude hit the deck I was pretty much losing my shit quite thoroughly (the trailer for 3x06 completed that job in no uncertain terms, I was beyond at that point. Geezus the 🔥🔥🔥! But that’s for another post lol)

Additional thought:

The only negative I had for the ep was the whole Claire vs. Candy standoff. I didn’t feel it necessary nor fair to have Claire be confronted like, esp since Candy was wrong - Claire had asked for a divorce, but I’m not surprised Frank told his mistress “my wife won’t let me go” 😒. And even though I liked the subsequent convo between Claire and Bree after, I felt a huge inconsistency in Bree’s reaction, given how ballistic she to finding out Claire had been in love and married to Jamie while away from Frank, I’d have expected her to be even more upset at finding out her daddy had a mistress throughout his marriage while Claire was around.

Guys… My hope’s renewed. And even though I’m trying hard not to get my hopes too high up, the preview for 3x06 got me so giddy I can’t even tell you. They may very well just OBLIVIATE what I new them to!

blackbear show highlights : may 13, 2017 @ house of blues new orleans

• lil aaron was p cool
• i saw snoozegod a couple times when we were in line but i was too shy to say hi :(
• jerry good played a bunch of songs while we were waiting for bear (we got lit to backstreet boys)
• bear played the piano a lot (beautifly)
• sang the “i might be white but the dick so good” song
• hes so tINY IN PERSON this guy just picked him up like he weighed nothing
• “if i hadnt shaved my hair off yall’d have pulled that shit out!”
• climbed onto a speaker (looked really funny doing it lmfao)
• during shake ya ass he said smth like “if ur OVER 18 show ya tits!!1!” and some girl who was like 15 did it and got kicked out
• i cried during idfc wow
• before playing make daddy proud he said “make me proud”
• he was supposed to go after idfc but people started chanting smth ??? and then he played chateu :’))
• hes even hotter in person omfg

Simon: Lock the door

Requested: Anon ‘Can you make a SMUT (idk what it standa for but its for older audiences) about a sidemen walking in on you RIGHT AFTER the climax of the sex. It would be hilarious. After the most intense part a sidemen would walk in. Omfg this would be so funny. Do it for Tobi and Simon plz’

Warnings: Sexual events, swearing (nothing too major though)

A/N: This was the funniest thing to write ever! Got some other boys imagines coming very soon, I’ve realised that I’ve done way more Simon imagines than any other guy oops. Anyway, thank you for requesting and enjoy! x

Both of you were panting heavily, sweaty foreheads pressed together, moans escaping.

“Hey Simon, are you ready for-holy shit never mind.” Tobi said, backing away and quickly running out slamming the door behind.

You both just stared at one other and Simon started laugh, before you whacked him in the chest, making him stop.

“Simon!” You shouted, feeling mortified at what just happened.

“Ouch. That hurt.” He pouted, rubbing the area you just hit him at.

“How can you be laughing right now? Tobi just walked in on us doing the dirty and all you can do is laugh?” You questioned.

“It’s not that bad, we were under the covers and I was on top. It’s not like he fully saw you naked.” He explained sitting up, not really making you feel better in this situation.

“You were the one who said that you locked the damn door! I knew I should’ve checked!” You exasperated.

“Calm down babe, there are more embarrassing things he could’ve walked into, It’s not the end of the world, besides at least it wasn’t JJ.” Simon reassured you.

“I guess you’re right.” You sighed,

“I’m always right.” He stated, smugly.

“Yeah alright.” You said, rolling your eyes at him.

“I’m right about loving you.” Simon smiled, holding your hands.

“That you are. And next time, I’ll lock the door.” You stated.

“Oooh, there’s going to be a next time aye.” He joked, you hit him again.

“There won’t be if you keep acting like this, Mr.” You playfully warned him.

“Whatever you say, I know you can’t resist me.”

anonymous asked:

Top 5 theatre stories (bc I love hearing these)

I don’t know if I have ‘top’ stories lmao but 5??? Oh boy

1) Okay so everyone who’s ever been in a show will eventually have a cast that decides to fixate on one cast member and rewrite songs with their name. It’s just a thing that happens in theater for some reason lmao. So, there was this kid named Joe who started maybe a show after me with the company, and he was so awkward it was painful. Sweet kid, who we discovered had a shitload of talent hidden beneath him, but when we got to the show RENT, he was just starting to come out of his shell so everyone kinda latched on to him to be the cast meme™ (not in an intentionally mean way, I don’t think, and Joe didn’t mind that much, but there is a possibility I misread some situations). So anyway, I don’t remember what started the conversation- I think someone brought up how we had done the song thing with him in the show HAIR (with the song ‘hair’ and also that song ‘shots’ that was really big in 2011), but all I remember is that it was a group conversation, and suddenly everyone broke off and just started singing “Seasons of Jooooe (JOOooeee)” and everyone hit like the perfect notes right. And there was a moment of shocked silence (bc like, EVERYONE had thought to do that at the same time), and then all the sudden everyone in the room started the song from the beginning and swapped out all the same words (525,600 Josephs. 525,000 Joes so dear-” and onwards) and just sang the whole song through before we all collectively lost our SHIT because it felt like a real life musical moment omfg. And you’d think, okay, funny, that’s where it ends, right? NO. Because the next day one girl called the entire cast into the Fascination Station™ and slapped a fucking piece of paper on the table and re-wrote the entirety of RENT working in the name Joe. Every single song (Christmas Joes, La Vie Joehme, Take Me or Leave Joe, Joever the Moon, Joe’s Song Glory, Without Joe, Today 4 U/Tomorrow 4 Joe, and What Joe Owns are just some honorable mentions) Every single character (Mark Joen, Rojoe Davis, *boys last name* Joequez for Mimi, JOE-ann Jefferjoe, Maureen Joeson, Benjamin Joeffin the Third, Anjoe Dumont Joenard, Joe Joellins, and an ongoing joke was the constant mention of ‘Allison Joe, of the Westport Joes’ lmao). The whole damn thing was written out and hung on the wall of the Green Room, replacing the actual set list we had hanging up. No one would drop this joke. Joe himself was the official ‘announce what scene we’re running next guy’, and after a while he deadass would just come into the room and yell “We’re running Seasons of Joe in five!” or “She wants to run Joe Tonight/Another Joe!” like it was so fucking funny omfg. The name Joe is just forever funny to me now.😂

2) When we did Avenue Q, everyone who had been cast as puppets…looked disturbingly just like their puppets? Apart from fur and unnatural skin colors, they were all twins it was equal parts hilarious and horrifying. They all had the same exact hair, similar face shape, and same go-to styles of clothing. It was completely ridiculous omfg. And they all, like, interacted with their own puppets weirdly? Like when they weren’t running scenes, I remember one girl would cradle hers like a baby, another held it to her by hooking her arm around it’s throat, one guy would just make his dance without paying attention to what he was doing, the guy that had Trekkie would never take it off and would just attack people and back them into corners, some people would have them in their laps, and other’s would just ignore them. I have the most vivid memory of sitting down on the floor because I was tired, glancing to an open door, and just seeing Rod fucking dancing around to the song playing and I couldn’t see the guy that played him (he was on the other side of the door lol) and I started loosing my shit. The guy had been reading his script and didn’t even realize he had the puppet on his hand lmao. It was just really fun to see all of it.

3) There was this one nerdy white boy who always made it his goal to be the first person to the hell week rehearsals so he could claim his official spot in the boys dressing room and get everything done without dealing with people. But if anyone else got there early, they’d walk in to find this half naked boy applying his makeup while dancing around and singing to the Sister Act soundtrack that was being blasted from his phone. He was overwhelmingly obsessed with that show. This happened literally every hell week, no matter the show, you’d always eventually hear someone scream in surprise and then two boys arguing with each other while “Fabulous Baby” played over them. This lead to a lot of interesting situations, because as the girls often tried to get to the boys room to escape the ghost, a lot of boys were constantly trying to chill in the girls room because it’s bigger and no one was shoving a dick in their face while dancing to ‘Take Me to Heaven’ lmao.

4) There’s this one guy, and he had a lead every show because he’s crazy talented and the director adores him to the point of proclaiming his daughter is like her extra grandchild (to the tune of everyone else in the room laughing uncomfortably), but this asshole never fucking knew his lines. Ever. And it wasn’t like, him having an actual problem, it’s just that he never bothered to put the effort in until the week before the show. The first show I ever saw him try in was Les Miz (Valjean), and he only bothered with that because “This is a huge show and it’s my last production with this company I gotta make it count!” (He did Spring Awakening with them immediately after and then both of us were guilt tripped/bribed into doing West Side Story against our will lmao). Now, to be fair to him- he has crazy natural talent, so he was usually able to completely pull everything off with minimal effort and the audience would never know. When we did HAIR, he literally lost his script like two weeks afterwards, and showed up to all four performances completely high off his ass and bullshitting, and it worked out perfectly (also, ICONIC, he was driving to one performance and got pulled over, and when the officer asked him if he was high he explained, “no sir, I’m an actor and I’m in character, the show starts in 15 minutes and it takes me a lot of time to prepare”, and he actually got away with that somehow), when he played the Iron Worker in Working, the entire cast knew all his lines by heart and all breathed a sigh of relief when he got them down at the opening performance, when he was the Preacher Shaw in Footloose his understudy learned the entire show in a day with the express purpose of helping him. This happened every show, and it was equal parts funny and frustrating, but we need to talk about him in Bye Bye Birdie holy shit. He did not want to do this show, made every argument against doing it, but our director was persistent and he was weak. He walked into the interest meeting and said “Listen, I’m not auditioning. I’ll do it if you really want me to, but please, for the love of God, do NOT give me a big part. We are not about to make this Black Birdie.” and the director? Shockingly complied with that? She cast him as a bartender and another super talented guy as Birdie and everyone was happy and content. Until…Our Birdie just didn’t fucking show up for the first rehearsal because, oh, he got cast in Into The Woods and decided to drop out immediately. 😂 There was absolutely no other option then to make our content bartender our unwilling Conrad Birdie. And he just. Gave absolutely zero fucks about this production it was legendary honestly. Didn’t learn a SINGLE line, just used context clues to respond to people. Kept throwing in ridiculous ad-libs just to make the actors around him break (’Thank Elvis you’ve come!’ was my personal favorite), kept jumping into the audience during his songs despite being constantly told not to, one performance he lost track of time and just fucking entered the scene in nothing but his underwear and an untied bathrobe??? He made it his personal goal to make this the funniest show possible, the only time he appeared to remotely care about the performance was our last show when the ghost someone turned the shower on while all his costumes were in there, 40 minutes before curtain. But the absolute best part was how much he tried to get any actors onstage with him break, because honestly what troopers who occasionally lost a battle, but the most iconic part of the show was the last scene of the last performance, in which the dude playing Mr. MacAfee decided he wanted revenge. In the scene, Birdie is trying to escape the town dressed up as his manager’s girlfriend/assistant Rosie, so this big guy of ours is in a tiny little dress and a curly wig and a bright pink scarf and everything, bending his knees so he’s not too obviously towering and speaking in a high pitched voice, which is ridiculous in itself so the audience was already laughing. But the characters are saying goodbye to the manager and he gets asked “Who’s this lady with you?” to which the response is “It’s just Rosie! Surely you remember Rosie!” and then that’s literally it, Birdie is maybe supposed to give an awkward giggle but that’s literally it- but in this last performance, MacAfee decided to respond to that with a deadpan “Oh, she’s darker than I remembered.” and our Birdie. fucking. LOST IT. The audience was dying too, all the other actors were trying so hard to hold a straight face, but our Birdie guy was on the fucking floor in was amazing.

5) Okay, so during the summer shows, rehearsals function like a summer camp, Monday through Friday from like 9:30 to 4:30. So instead of bringing lunch, a lot of kids head across the street to the CVS and just buy stuff (it’s actually across the street and across a Church parking lot, but whatever. Point is it’s the closest place to us (we got banned from Duncan) but it’s also not like, directly next door to us.) So during one of our casts Safe Circles™ , possibly our first one actually, it got fairly intense and one girl ran out in the middle of it, but came back a few minutes later with like ten boxes of tissues explaining “Just ran to CVS, got a discount from the cashier Tony, he’s a swell guy”. And like…you’d think that would be the end of that. You’d think everyone would just go back to group therapy time and appreciate the tissues, which we did, but somehow poor Tony became the new obsession for the cast omfg. People would go over to CVS at come back with a ‘brand new Tony story’ that consisted of basically nothing. People would just randomly whine/yell “Toooonnny!” out of nowhere. Half the cast had proclaimed their love for him. He always asked all about our shows and then never came when we invited him. It was literally this whole Thing, Tony the CVS Guy. People were crushed when we got back to just Sunday rehearsals to discover he only worked weekdays. I think the whole thing started as like an ironic joke, because why would a bunch of teenagers be obsessed with the awkward 20-something working in a drugstore, but after a while the Tony Craze took on a mind of it’s own and people were really over the top about it. I remember we always had to do these stupid ice breaker things, where we got paired up with a ‘Secret Friend’ and had to write letters to them and make a collage of the things you love and then they had to guess who you are, and one year at least three different people had pictures of Tony on their collage because they deadass found his facebook. I remember one time he kindly asked if we could be a little quieter in the store and everyone acted as if we had offended the pope. It was so wild. Ooooh, I remember one time me and my friends took over the Green Room for lunch, and we were having some conversation, one guy through out the fact “getting coffee can be a euphemism for having sex!” and we were joking about that, and then a different guy’s girlfriend called him and they were talking for a few minutes before he said “Mel, I want to get some coffee with you.” and the room EXPLODED. Listen. You guys literally had to be there, because I have never heard such loud laughter before, and I doubt I will ever hear something that loud again. None of us could get a grip. And a few minutes after we had calmed down (slightly), a group of people walked in with CVS bags and were like “okay what the FUCK was so funny” and we were like?? You weren’t here??? Could you actually hear us laughing from outside?? And this one guy stared us down and said “Tony fucking heard you guys and thought there was an angry mob on the street” 😂😂

((These are admittedly not all my best but it’s 5:30 am and this is all I could remember off the top of my head lmao))

anonymous asked:

I have a crush on a guy and hes so amazing and smart and he has never had anyone who he considers a best friend in his whole life and we met less than two months ago but we clicked instantly and he recently told me that he considers me his best friend and that meant the world to me and idk hes just so wonderful and also funny and amazingly cute and his laugh and voice and eyes and hair are some of the most beautiful things ever and l feel so happy when l talk to him rip me btw lm genderfluid pan

this is so cute omfg it sounds like something from a YA novel?? i’m so soft you’re literally so soft for him holy shit?? when will i ever reach this level of soft dammit i need to step up my game??

oh my god,, if you want to do something about it, i’d say that all of your cards are layed out in front of you to do it!! i’m rooting for you so much omg!! 💖

anonymous asked:

Aiight I have to get this off my chest and u seem like a good fuckin person to vent to So I’m not really a clownfucker (nothing wrong with it just not my ☕️) but Bill Skarsgard has just been 💯 on my mind like he looks so sweet when he’s all smiley but when he deadpans I jjssst fckn know he’s into some rough nasty shit like I bet he’s got like a biting/blood kink cause maybe he’s just a bomb ass actor but he looks too fuckin into all the blood scenes in hemlock grove and I am 100% here for it 👀

this is so fucking funny to me omfg i bet there’s a tiny part of you that would loooove to fuck the clown, c'mon 😏 in a dark, dark alley? in your dark room? claws on your thighs, yanking you down on his big alien clown cock

anyway, in an interesting twist of events, i prefer Penny to Bill. Bill’s big and gorgeous, he’s haunting, but his genuine smile sort of reminds me of my stepfather in law, who is also incredibly tall and slim, and that’s weird for me. but yeah, summa those gifs i’ve been seeing have me pretty weak

let’s split it even-steven, you can fuck Bill and i’ll fuck Pen

THE ROYALS SENTENCE STARTERS ( contains spoilers )

S03E01  →  ‘ Together With Remembrance of Ourselves ’

  • ______, you hideous little snake. Open the door.
  • I thought I smelled you — the Queen’s personal bouquet of spite and vagina.
  • Long live King/Queen ______!
  • Maybe I could arrange a little service call for Your Majesty.
  • The people decided and justice was served.
  • Is this a bad time to talk, or should I text you?
  • You can endorse condoms, or lubricant. Perhaps a firearm.
  • Your Majesty, the pig has left the pen.
  • This place is weird.
  • Whatever you’re doing, I’m here you know?
  • Don’t freeze me out, you dork.
  • I’m holding /you/ responsible.
  • Is this what passes for romance these days?
  • Well, you can’t spell passion without ‘ass’ can you?
  • That smells like a whore house the next morning, and one of the whores has a yeast infection.
  • Well, I’m not their role model or their personal stylist. I just do what I do, and they should, too.
  • People look up to you. They like your style, your confidence.
  • I’m not that confident.
  •  I’ve decided to forgive you.
  • Have some Froot Loops. They’re the gateway drug to Apple Jacks.
  • You really are a hideous little backstabber, aren’t you?
  • No, I’m more than happy to stab you in the front.
  • Jeez, if looks could kill, you’d be your mother.
  • Unzip me.
  • I suppose I should ask you in advance if there’s anything you won’t do, anything you dislike.
  • I’m at Your Majesty’s pleasure.
  • I like a take charge sort of guy/girl — rough me up a bit, don’t be shy.
  • Hiding below ground like vermin. Appropriate.
  • This is the home of the Royal family, for Christ’s sake. How is it that people just gallivant about as if it’s a god damn free for all?
  • I’m the King/Queen of England. I don’t do my own wet work.
  • Every man has their price.
  • I didn’t bring you here to strike a deal. I brought you here to poison you.
  • But you got dressed, waited for me to ask you out — which I did — and now you’re telling me that you have plans?
  • “ Don’t give up on me.
  • I won’t. Ever.
  • It’s not everyday that royalty greets you with their presence, even if they do look like shit.
  • You should see the other guy.
  • Clothes are life. Clothes, shoes, bags, makeup — it’s all life.
  • People like you, Princess/Prince. People like you and… so do I.
  • So, a pack of wild dogs dragged you through the streets? That’s what you’re going with?
  • I thought about you a lot, and I should have done more for you.

anonymous asked:

Ima beat L stans Ass omfg a nice L stan told what happened and why Mani deleted that picture of her and her mom Because c stans was being disgusting in The comments and Another L stan replied to the tweet laughing like shit is fucking funny when it’s not

Fucking wish these L girls would leave the fandom, this why people hate L stans cause y’all be saying some out of pocket shit jfc

that was a rude af L stan guys but let’s not be distracted by one. this isn’t about lauren girls vs normani girls. don’t you see which fandom this hate for normani is really coming from? didn’t you see it rise from a 2016 “cute” and “quirky” comment and become death threats?

we need to unite as all land stans and stay focused on the true origin of this. using this to fight about l or n stan things is ridiculous. this is about problematic, racist c stan trolls and we all know it. let’s report these horrible people and support our girl. it was a beautiful post with her mom for a beautiful cause. i don’t want normani to bow to these trolls. i want her to repost and maybe even disable comments if necessary. but let’s speak up and encourage normani to post and show that we’ll support and defend her thousands strong.

- taylor

anonymous asked:

so i made the academy skins in sims 3 for shits and giggles. the first thing to happen when i turned on free will was ekko ate some dirt, causing vladimir to set himself on fire and ahri to fall in love with ekko, and darius decided to sleep on the floor. i thought you would like to know

I’ve been laughing for a day straight now.

ty anon

id set myself on fire too tbh 

my garlic baby is on fire


Some pics lol idk I wanted to show you all some shit.
I got some sick posters and buttons from the con, and hhh I love them.
The water colour Rick and OPM were done by
And I should have grabbed the other artist’s card but I forgot, but it has his signature (btw that guy was funny as hell and so cool omfg)

So when Audrey was having her meltdown, everybody was saying that this was serious and even if you don’t like her, taking it as a joke makes you a piece a shit.

But when Steve has an anxiety attack people in this tag want to laugh and make jokes about it as if its hilarious because they don’t like him.

done with society.

anonymous asked:

Why do u say eff? Like...The F word?

haha yes ummmm let me see if I can explain the absurd way I react to some things

so, okay. in my friends’ group chat, we have a variety of ways to react to things that are funny, besides haha, lol and lmao, because those are basically punctuation. Some of the most common are “omg/omfg,” “fuck,” FUCK,” and “EFF,” which do not mean the same thing at all. I have sort of accidentally begun tagging things on this blog following that pattern. Here follows a rough guide to my thoughts.

omg = “oh my god” “yikes” “this is bananas” “what the hell is this” “what” “holy shit” etc.

omfg = stronger omg

fuck = this is either pretty funny or some kind of ground-breaking revelation OR you have used a bad meme and I’m mad

FUCK = this is very funny and made me literally laugh out loud, you have used a VERY bad meme or said something very bad, I’m mad because I wish I’d said this joke first

EFF = this punchline was very unexpected and I am probably laughing uproariously (I think this may have come from the same line of thought as humorously censoring “what the h*ck” and the like)

like, give or take, that’s a rough guide to how that works, I guess?? I am aware it is confusing, trust me, it took me like ten minutes to figure out how to explain. It’s just like one of those things I know. I know the difference between a post that makes me think FUCK and EFF. I’m sorry it makes no sense at all to anybody who is not me lol.


Monster Rock (February 17, 2015)



And OMFG Ryota stole the show once again. Hahahaha. That effin’ dude.

Anyway, I skipped quite a few parts because I got lazy (lol!), but all the funny shit are still here. That’s all we want anyway. Haha! If there’s any mistake, sorry! I’m still a student. ^^ As always, everything inside brackets are just my own thoughts or some added info to make things easier to understand.

Enjoy the dorkiness!


Nao: ONE OK ROCK Sports King Battle!


Voiceover: It’s a sudden start, but for this week until the next, our guest will be ONE OK ROCK. And, this time, the members are still…

Nao: They (staff) didn’t tell you anything, right? (about what they’ll do for this episode)

Taka: We don’t know anything at all. So, it’s kinda, really… This is the worst feeling ever.

Nao: It’s what you usually feel, right? (whenever they’re on the show)

Voiceover: That’s right. ONE OK ROCK members have been on this show for several times. But, the members are always unaware of what they’re supposed to do, and they’re often asked to do a lot of things. This time, they’ll do “ONE OK ROCK Sports King Battle” inside the studio to find out who’s the most athletic member.

Nao: Table Tennis Battle! (pingpong)

(Super happy Ryota and Tomoya. Haha!)

Tomoya: Oh, it’s a ball game! A ball game!

Ryota: A ball, huh?

Voiceover: The group will be divided into two and play “Doubles.”  Whoever gets 5 points first, wins.

Ryota: The two of us (him and Tomoya) are actually quite good.

Toru: These two even have their own rackets.

Nao: Really?

Ryota: They’re (Taka and Toru) the group that doesn’t play table tennis.

Toru: We don’t play at all.

Taka: We’re the “we-don’t-play” team.

Nao: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Taka: When we were recording in America, these two even bought a table tennis at home. Before we do our rehearsals, they’d play first.

Daisuke Han (to Ryota): You’re more comfortable with a racket than with a bass guitar?

Ryota: Yeah, I’m probably better with a racket.

Nao: Probably?

Daisuke Han: That kinda makes me mad. (He’s just joking, of course.)

Toru: Ahh, this is impossible for us (him and Taka).

(Voiceover; The other host Kiyono [not sure about his name. lol!] introduces himself; Nao will be the referee; Voiceover again)

Daisuke Han: Table Tennis Battle, start!

(So… they play the game.)

Host Dude: Well, then. Ryota and Tomoya’s team wins!

Voiceover: So, Ryota and Tomoya wins. But, Daisuke Han has something to say…

Daisuke Han: So, everyone in the audience, please cast your votes! (He used the English word “judge.”)

Taka: “Judge?” Wait a minute, what do you mean by “judge?”

Ryota: Eh, what’s this?

Daisuke Han: Please show us your votes.

Taka: No, no, no, no.

Daisuke Han: This is nice, right?

Voiceover: For some reason, after the table tennis round, the audience had to choose a name. What does this mean?

Daisuke Han: Here’s the results: Taka got 3 points, Toru got 10 (They said it’s 10, but the screen showed 14), Tomoya got 16, and Ryota got 2 points. Therefore, the person who made everyone’s heart jump the most is Tomoya!

(Okay, so I can’t think of an accurate English translation for the Japanese term “guttokuru”. It simply means to make someone’s heart jump/feel good/happy. In Tagalog, it’s “kilig.” Sino ang pinaka-nagpakilig? Hehe.)

(Someone said the game is interesting. I think it’s Ryota.)

Tomoya: So, this is what it’s all about?

Toru: “Make someone’s heart jump?” What does that mean?

Taka: What’s this?

Nao: Now that you’ve heard it, how was it?

Taka: “How was it?” What does that even mean, “make someone’s heart jump?”

Nao: Hmm… I wonder.

(Cute Taka laugh alert!)

Daisuke Han: Everyone watched you play table tennis earlier, and they thought Tomoya was the most charming, right?

Nao: That’s right.

OOR: Ooohhh…


Daisuke Han: You thought it’s about Sports, right?

Taka: Yes.

DH: The truth is, we don’t have a segment like that at all.

Nao: We won’t do it.

Toru: Yeah, this is Monster Rock after all.

Voiceover: Of course, we won’t just do a simple sports battle. The real activity prepared for ONE OK ROCK today is…

OOR: ONE OK ROCK “Guttokuru” Battle (I’ll just use the Japanese term from here on, okay? ^^)


Taka: As always, we can’t follow at all.


Host Dude: In Google, the keywords “ONE OK ROCK guttokuru” are often searched. It got 52,600 hits.

Taka: That’s a lie, right?

HD: This is true.

Taka: It’s true?

AD: However, for “EXILE guttokuru,” it got 370,000 hits.

Taka: EXILE?

Daisuke Han: Yes, EXILE.

Taka: Wait a minute. First of all, EXILE and ONE OK ROCK are completely different (in terms of genre. Not familiar with EXILE? Google them. They’re a bunch of musclemen. Hehe. And very talented.).

Nao: Please listen to the explanation.

HD: As for “AKB48 guttokuru,” it got 1,170,000 hits.

Nao: As expected, right?

Taka: That’s kinda… What is this feeling of disappointment? (Haha! Taka, try Googling “NEWS guttokuru.” Hahaha!)

HD: Let me say it once again. “ONE OK ROCK guttokuru” got 52, 600 hits.

DH: Why did you have to say it again? (Hahaha!)

(Voiceover: Blahblahblah. They’ll be judged by the 35 people in the audience. Blahblahblah.)

DH: For your reference, we’ll ask the audience what makes their hearts jump. You’d like to know, right?

OOR: Yes.

Nao (asks the women in the audience): How was it?

Lady (voted for Tomoya): He looks kinda reckless. He’s like a puppy.

DH: That’s so cute!

Nao: He’s like a puppy, so he’s cute. I see. How about you? You voted for Taka.

Girl (voted for Taka): Because he’s cool. (Gosh, Taka looked super happy. <3)

Nao: Is there a member you hate?

Girl: Toru.

Toru: Eh, me?

Nao: No honorific whatsoever.

Daisuke: No honorific. Haha!

Toru: That was pretty straightforward. (Hahahahaha! Poor Toru.)



I’ll do the rest later. This is already too long. lol! 

owlcoats-deactivated20170105  asked:

Instead of "you wanna suck my blood" I thought Yuu said "you wanna suck my beard, doncha" and I thought it was some new term that I wasn't hip on and I can't-


Zeref and Mavis's thoughts throughout their whole reunion scene:




anonymous asked:

can you give us some drunk headcanons for jason please!! i love your headcanons!!!!!

No prob and thanks!

- Jason is actually super reckless. Like he’ll just try a stunt just for shits and giggles and when he’s able to do it even he’s surprised

- He’s so chatty omfg. Like in general he has a big mouth but when he’s drunk, he absolutely has no filter. It’s funny and very enlightening

- he sings alot. Sometimes it’s off key and other times it’s really bad pop songs like why you do this jaybird

- on a sadder note, he’s much gentler than his father was and makes a conscious effort to be as different from his father as possible.

- on that note, he doesn’t look in the mirror much when he’s drunk. It’s like his dad is staring right back at him

- he speaks to objects. Remember that panel where hes like ‘hello bed’?? Yeah that’s him. He’ll tell the pillow about his day. He’ll rant about something to his blanket. He’s a mess

- he does pranks on himself for when he’s sober. Help this man plz

- he’ll probably spout really poetic and deep shit and pause before saying something like 'what if the whole world was upside down?’

- He’s so cuddly oh my God. So, so cuddly. He’s giant teddy bear.

- drunk Jason is a national treasure and needs to be protected okay? Okay.