some funny shit on there omfg

okay I’m STILL not done the book yet because #life™ but some follow up reactions

  • The entire scene where Calypso and Apollo were trying to escape on the slow kiddy train at the Zoo had me in stitches holy shit
  • Apollo frantically hitting the gas and Calypso is just leisurely walking next to it while glaring at him??? And the guards? omfg I was dying
  • Meg’s entrance was dramatic and awesome good for her
  • Why the fuck is this 12 year old so good at sword fighting she can keep up with one of the deadliest swordfighters of the ancient world™
  • When Lit threatened Leo and Calypso essentially morphed into the knife emoji on spot. A plus.
  • I mean I’m just saying: I feel like a pregnant griffin isn’t more important than helping a tortured seven year old girl. But I still love Britomartis so I guess it’s whatever
  • I love how Lit was going on like he has a score to settle with Leo because ‘he and his friends’ fucked him up in Oklahoma but like….Leo didn’t contribute to that at all like Jason literally did everything during that fight??? That was kinda like important to Jason’s development and shit??? Leo and Piper were golden statues and Hedge was outside eating grass??? Shouldn’t Lit’s anger be focused on Jason??? lol
  • Idk I just found it funny (I want to see Jason Grace again)
  • Calypso managing to shove out some magic yeah girl!!!!
  • MEG AND APOLLO HUGGING EACH OTHER FOR DEAR LIFE WHILE SOBBING: MY ENTIRE AESTHETIC
  • Leo meeting Meg was way too fucking funny omfg “so I understand you can like…control him?” and when Apollo tried denying it she makes him slap himself??? 😂
  • How did we fucking segue from lighthearted banter directly into Apollo having a vivid flashback of the time he had to murder the love of his life with his bare hands
  • Like I??? Was sobbing??? So hard???? Because a batshit insane Roman empire was getting killed by someone who loved him bc it was necessary for the world and the lover couldn’t stand to see anyone else hurt him??? Fuck me???? Rick Riordan ain’t real
  • “I couldn’t bare to look into the water without seeing my beloved’s betrayed face starring back” or whatever the fuck the line was but FUCK
  • Jo was a teenage girl crossdressing to fuck around with gangsters in the 1920′s before Artemis found her and honestly??? Goals
  • Also the scene where she was helping Apollo after his flashback was very sweet
  • Can’t believe the nerd spent like six hours playing soothing music just to get a griffin to lay an egg
  • Leo and Calypso better be whispering amongst themselves what I think they’re whispering
  • Leo seems a lot more…subdued than usual in this book? I don’t know if that’s just because we aren’t reading from his POV, or if it’s like a “I literally died and came back and then spent six months getting attacked every single day while trying to find home and now I’m stuck on another dangerous quest I’m fucking stressed” type thing, or if it could be from the relationship problems he’s having with Calypso, but either way he seems a little off and I’m worried about him
  • The Dread Pirate Valdez…leave.
  • How was that joke never made once on the Argo tho??? lol
  • The speed at which Leo seems to have emotionally adopted Meg is astounding and also #relatable
  • Meg’s far from my favorite character tbh but like??? I will probably punch everyone who’s ever frowned in her general direction in the face. Holy shit give this kid a break
  • She thinks Nero is scared of the mystery third emperor on the West Coast??? So….Caligula, probably? Laying my bets down on him now
  • I triggered the First Law of Percy Jackson” I had to put the book down bc I was laughing so hard I think that lines gonna end up on my gravestone or as the afterword in my autobiography omfg
  • “I’ve always had a phobia of snakes, especially if you included my step-mother Hera. BOOM!” I choked.
  • I like that half the time Apollo is able to figure out what to do to win because he has a general understanding of science
  • Like he knew his burst of godly voice power would only help so much, but he also knew if he stood in the right spot and yelled in the right frequency it would reverberate and knock over the bricks and shit??? NICE
  • How long were these kids wadding through a sewer how do none of them have hypothermia
  • Leo: *sets himself on fire* “Gather round, children.”
  • Like first off someone saying ‘gather round children’ is always going to make me laugh for some reason that’s just a fact but human torching it up really added to the effect lmao
  • Like okay I understand the set up of the room so that no one would look in the canal and see them but like…how the fuck did no one realize they were there that just felt too easy I’m sorry
  • Chia Girl
  • When they found the prisoners was horrifying omfg???
  • The two fucked up boys on a hunger strike???
  • “…Hunter the Hunter?” “Yeah, I’ve never heard that before.”
  • Tall, Dark and Jamie.
  • Apollo babe you’re on a rescue mission with a time crunch please you can check out Jamie later holy shit
  • Georgie made me wanna cry get her back to her Combat Moms immediately
  • The entire sequence of Apollo getting the door open: S C I E N C E  B I T C H
  • “Lemme just fill up some syringes with ammonia just in case”
  • Alright I’ll admit when Meg started insisting she had a feeling they needed to go through the door: I was really worried she was about to double cross him.
  • Glad I was wrong but tbh that whole arena dress rehearsal bullshit was STRESSFULL
  • S T R E S S F U L L
  • First of all: Apollo’s out here constantly complaining about his puny mortal body but manages to fight and climb and run with a heavy ass chair strapped to his back: okay,
  • Second of all: why did no one warn me about Livia the elephant I was on the verge of tears every time he mentioned her
  • Third of all: Monsters, ostriches, race cars, basketballs, football, human mercenaries, animals, like…what even the fuck else SO MUCH WAS GOING ON I would’ve died in ten seconds flat???
  • Fourth of all: let’s just SET THE FUCKING GRAIN SPIRIT ON FIRE WHY THE FUCK NOT. HOW DID MEG EVEN MANAGE TO GET HIM DOWN. HOW DID APOLLO AND LIVIA MANAGE TO CRASH COMMODUS’ CAR TO THAT DEGREE AND HE NOT ONLY SURVIVED BUT THREW THE WRECKAGE AWAY FROM HIM
  • Fifth of all: THE FUCKING HUNTERS SHOW UP AND CAUSE EVEN M O R E CHAOS. Truly I don’t know how any of the main heroes survived that there was just too much.
  • The entire time I was reading it I was like “This feels like a giant fight at the climax of the book how the fuck are there more pages left what else is going to happen???” AND IM STILL WONDERING THAT LIKE
  • Thalia Grace has been returned to me.
  • Apollo’s strong urge to save Lit??? Okay I guess. It’s nice to see him being compassionate and shit but. I was kinda with Leo on that one lol
  • “Thalia Grace slid behind me on the elephant, which fulfilled one of the fantasies I’d had about the Hunter, although I never quite imagined it playing out like this” M E
  • What was his elephant-involved fantasy with Thalia I need a complete play by play lmao
  • Also the scene where Commodus dropped his composure for a sec and had a full-blown Angry Ex moment (which…he’s definitely entitled to). That was good and also I was highkey worried he might just try to kill my nerd then and there
  • Also that he’s not just mad that Apollo killed him but like. All their fucking history together. Shit’s intense.
  • Apollo loves this elephant so much after only like 15 minutes the first thing he’s gonna do when he’s immortal again is bless her or some shit
  • Also I’m glad they got that awful chainmail off her
  • The Hunters apparently just have a magical energy drink with mercury in it okay
  • Honestly??? I’m a little mad Artemis has been ordered not to contact him THE BOY JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS SISTER HOLY SHIT
  • Aaaaaand that’s about where I left off. Hoping to finish it all together the next time I get a chance. Hoping all the losers are alright. LOVING this book so far. Waiting to see an official reunion between Georgie and her Combat Moms. The Headless Ghost’s cryptic warning has me worried. Until next time…
The signs and my romantic experiences/opinions of them so far
  • Aries: y'all sexy as hell but absolutely psycho. I haven't dated one and I'm on the fence about if I would
  • Taurus: so unbelievably attractive. Demons from the depths of hell
  • Gemini: goodbye
  • Cancer: you guys are so sweet and adorable omg! I wanna date you ❤️
  • Leo: super fun and entertaining but y'all are too hard to talk to when you get angry and i can't deal with that in a dating situation
  • Virgo: best provider I ever had. He would never let me pay for shit, moved me in, randomly threw me money all the time. Spoiled me rotten and I never asked for any of it. Also, the worst heartbreak I ever experienced and a total fucking liar. I'm scarred for life.
  • Libra: never dated one. Not really interested tbh.
  • Scorpio: lots of sexual tension. Y'all always smell good. I don't know how faithful y'all are tho, but I'd be willing to try and seriously date y'all
  • Sagittarius: y'all suck tbh.
  • Capricorn: some of y'all are cool. Funny af and so fun! Y'all like to pay for my shit too. But the great majority of y'all are annoying af OMFG. I'd still be willing to date another cap tho.
  • Aquarius: y'all will throw checks my way but fuck all that. Y'all are emotional ass, entitled ass, crybaby ass simps and y'all can't understand the basics of how to compromise. I'll never fuck with an Aquarius again.
  • Pisces: y'all are also some crybabies. I never dated a Pisces and I'm not actively interested but not totally opposed.
  • * I am a libra sun, cancer moon, Aquarius rising, Virgo Venus, and Scorpio mars, just for a reference*
blackbear show highlights : may 13, 2017 @ house of blues new orleans

• lil aaron was p cool
• i saw snoozegod a couple times when we were in line but i was too shy to say hi :(
• jerry good played a bunch of songs while we were waiting for bear (we got lit to backstreet boys)
• bear played the piano a lot (beautifly)
• sang the “i might be white but the dick so good” song
• hes so tINY IN PERSON this guy just picked him up like he weighed nothing
• “if i hadnt shaved my hair off yall’d have pulled that shit out!”
• climbed onto a speaker (looked really funny doing it lmfao)
• during shake ya ass he said smth like “if ur OVER 18 show ya tits!!1!” and some girl who was like 15 did it and got kicked out
• i cried during idfc wow
• before playing make daddy proud he said “make me proud”
• he was supposed to go after idfc but people started chanting smth ??? and then he played chateu :’))
• hes even hotter in person omfg

Simon: Lock the door

Requested: Anon ‘Can you make a SMUT (idk what it standa for but its for older audiences) about a sidemen walking in on you RIGHT AFTER the climax of the sex. It would be hilarious. After the most intense part a sidemen would walk in. Omfg this would be so funny. Do it for Tobi and Simon plz’

Warnings: Sexual events, swearing (nothing too major though)

A/N: This was the funniest thing to write ever! Got some other boys imagines coming very soon, I’ve realised that I’ve done way more Simon imagines than any other guy oops. Anyway, thank you for requesting and enjoy! x


Both of you were panting heavily, sweaty foreheads pressed together, moans escaping.

“Hey Simon, are you ready for-holy shit never mind.” Tobi said, backing away and quickly running out slamming the door behind.

You both just stared at one other and Simon started laugh, before you whacked him in the chest, making him stop.

“Simon!” You shouted, feeling mortified at what just happened.

“Ouch. That hurt.” He pouted, rubbing the area you just hit him at.

“How can you be laughing right now? Tobi just walked in on us doing the dirty and all you can do is laugh?” You questioned.

“It’s not that bad, we were under the covers and I was on top. It’s not like he fully saw you naked.” He explained sitting up, not really making you feel better in this situation.

“You were the one who said that you locked the damn door! I knew I should’ve checked!” You exasperated.

“Calm down babe, there are more embarrassing things he could’ve walked into, It’s not the end of the world, besides at least it wasn’t JJ.” Simon reassured you.

“I guess you’re right.” You sighed,

“I’m always right.” He stated, smugly.

“Yeah alright.” You said, rolling your eyes at him.

“I’m right about loving you.” Simon smiled, holding your hands.

“That you are. And next time, I’ll lock the door.” You stated.

“Oooh, there’s going to be a next time aye.” He joked, you hit him again.

“There won’t be if you keep acting like this, Mr.” You playfully warned him.

“Whatever you say, I know you can’t resist me.”

THE ROYALS SENTENCE STARTERS ( contains spoilers )

S03E01  →  ‘ Together With Remembrance of Ourselves ’

  • ______, you hideous little snake. Open the door.
  • I thought I smelled you — the Queen’s personal bouquet of spite and vagina.
  • Long live King/Queen ______!
  • Maybe I could arrange a little service call for Your Majesty.
  • The people decided and justice was served.
  • Is this a bad time to talk, or should I text you?
  • You can endorse condoms, or lubricant. Perhaps a firearm.
  • Your Majesty, the pig has left the pen.
  • This place is weird.
  • Whatever you’re doing, I’m here you know?
  • Don’t freeze me out, you dork.
  • I’m holding /you/ responsible.
  • Is this what passes for romance these days?
  • Well, you can’t spell passion without ‘ass’ can you?
  • That smells like a whore house the next morning, and one of the whores has a yeast infection.
  • Well, I’m not their role model or their personal stylist. I just do what I do, and they should, too.
  • People look up to you. They like your style, your confidence.
  • I’m not that confident.
  •  I’ve decided to forgive you.
  • Have some Froot Loops. They’re the gateway drug to Apple Jacks.
  • You really are a hideous little backstabber, aren’t you?
  • No, I’m more than happy to stab you in the front.
  • Jeez, if looks could kill, you’d be your mother.
  • Unzip me.
  • I suppose I should ask you in advance if there’s anything you won’t do, anything you dislike.
  • I’m at Your Majesty’s pleasure.
  • I like a take charge sort of guy/girl — rough me up a bit, don’t be shy.
  • Hiding below ground like vermin. Appropriate.
  • This is the home of the Royal family, for Christ’s sake. How is it that people just gallivant about as if it’s a god damn free for all?
  • I’m the King/Queen of England. I don’t do my own wet work.
  • Every man has their price.
  • I didn’t bring you here to strike a deal. I brought you here to poison you.
  • But you got dressed, waited for me to ask you out — which I did — and now you’re telling me that you have plans?
  • “ Don’t give up on me.
  • I won’t. Ever.
  • It’s not everyday that royalty greets you with their presence, even if they do look like shit.
  • You should see the other guy.
  • Clothes are life. Clothes, shoes, bags, makeup — it’s all life.
  • People like you, Princess/Prince. People like you and… so do I.
  • So, a pack of wild dogs dragged you through the streets? That’s what you’re going with?
  • I thought about you a lot, and I should have done more for you.

But like it wasn’t even just the fandom doing the stereotype stuff, the creator himself would do some shit that wasn’t very funny, and that in turn would make the fandom think it was an okay thing to do. I don’t think I saw much of the alpha trolls discourse though?? Other than some stuff about Cronus being otherkin or something like that but I don’t know, the biggest shitstorm I remember is the CAUCASIAN scandal, that was wild omfg

9

Monster Rock (February 17, 2015)

Guests: ONE OK ROCK


THIS EPISODE DIDN’T DISAPPOINT.

And OMFG Ryota stole the show once again. Hahahaha. That effin’ dude.

Anyway, I skipped quite a few parts because I got lazy (lol!), but all the funny shit are still here. That’s all we want anyway. Haha! If there’s any mistake, sorry! I’m still a student. ^^ As always, everything inside brackets are just my own thoughts or some added info to make things easier to understand.

Enjoy the dorkiness!

~~

Nao: ONE OK ROCK Sports King Battle!

(Applause)

Voiceover: It’s a sudden start, but for this week until the next, our guest will be ONE OK ROCK. And, this time, the members are still…

Nao: They (staff) didn’t tell you anything, right? (about what they’ll do for this episode)

Taka: We don’t know anything at all. So, it’s kinda, really… This is the worst feeling ever.

Nao: It’s what you usually feel, right? (whenever they’re on the show)

Voiceover: That’s right. ONE OK ROCK members have been on this show for several times. But, the members are always unaware of what they’re supposed to do, and they’re often asked to do a lot of things. This time, they’ll do “ONE OK ROCK Sports King Battle” inside the studio to find out who’s the most athletic member.

Nao: Table Tennis Battle! (pingpong)

(Super happy Ryota and Tomoya. Haha!)

Tomoya: Oh, it’s a ball game! A ball game!

Ryota: A ball, huh?

Voiceover: The group will be divided into two and play “Doubles.”  Whoever gets 5 points first, wins.

Ryota: The two of us (him and Tomoya) are actually quite good.

Toru: These two even have their own rackets.

Nao: Really?

Ryota: They’re (Taka and Toru) the group that doesn’t play table tennis.

Toru: We don’t play at all.

Taka: We’re the “we-don’t-play” team.

Nao: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Taka: When we were recording in America, these two even bought a table tennis at home. Before we do our rehearsals, they’d play first.

Daisuke Han (to Ryota): You’re more comfortable with a racket than with a bass guitar?

Ryota: Yeah, I’m probably better with a racket.

Nao: Probably?

Daisuke Han: That kinda makes me mad. (He’s just joking, of course.)

Toru: Ahh, this is impossible for us (him and Taka).

(Voiceover; The other host Kiyono [not sure about his name. lol!] introduces himself; Nao will be the referee; Voiceover again)

Daisuke Han: Table Tennis Battle, start!

(So… they play the game.)

Host Dude: Well, then. Ryota and Tomoya’s team wins!

Voiceover: So, Ryota and Tomoya wins. But, Daisuke Han has something to say…

Daisuke Han: So, everyone in the audience, please cast your votes! (He used the English word “judge.”)

Taka: “Judge?” Wait a minute, what do you mean by “judge?”

Ryota: Eh, what’s this?

Daisuke Han: Please show us your votes.

Taka: No, no, no, no.

Daisuke Han: This is nice, right?

Voiceover: For some reason, after the table tennis round, the audience had to choose a name. What does this mean?

Daisuke Han: Here’s the results: Taka got 3 points, Toru got 10 (They said it’s 10, but the screen showed 14), Tomoya got 16, and Ryota got 2 points. Therefore, the person who made everyone’s heart jump the most is Tomoya!

(Okay, so I can’t think of an accurate English translation for the Japanese term “guttokuru”. It simply means to make someone’s heart jump/feel good/happy. In Tagalog, it’s “kilig.” Sino ang pinaka-nagpakilig? Hehe.)

(Someone said the game is interesting. I think it’s Ryota.)

Tomoya: So, this is what it’s all about?

Toru: “Make someone’s heart jump?” What does that mean?

Taka: What’s this?

Nao: Now that you’ve heard it, how was it?

Taka: “How was it?” What does that even mean, “make someone’s heart jump?”

Nao: Hmm… I wonder.

(Cute Taka laugh alert!)

Daisuke Han: Everyone watched you play table tennis earlier, and they thought Tomoya was the most charming, right?

Nao: That’s right.

OOR: Ooohhh…

(Voiceover)

Daisuke Han: You thought it’s about Sports, right?

Taka: Yes.

DH: The truth is, we don’t have a segment like that at all.

Nao: We won’t do it.

Toru: Yeah, this is Monster Rock after all.

Voiceover: Of course, we won’t just do a simple sports battle. The real activity prepared for ONE OK ROCK today is…

OOR: ONE OK ROCK “Guttokuru” Battle (I’ll just use the Japanese term from here on, okay? ^^)

(Applause)

Taka: As always, we can’t follow at all.

(Voiceover)

Host Dude: In Google, the keywords “ONE OK ROCK guttokuru” are often searched. It got 52,600 hits.

Taka: That’s a lie, right?

HD: This is true.

Taka: It’s true?

AD: However, for “EXILE guttokuru,” it got 370,000 hits.

Taka: EXILE?

Daisuke Han: Yes, EXILE.

Taka: Wait a minute. First of all, EXILE and ONE OK ROCK are completely different (in terms of genre. Not familiar with EXILE? Google them. They’re a bunch of musclemen. Hehe. And very talented.).

Nao: Please listen to the explanation.

HD: As for “AKB48 guttokuru,” it got 1,170,000 hits.

Nao: As expected, right?

Taka: That’s kinda… What is this feeling of disappointment? (Haha! Taka, try Googling “NEWS guttokuru.” Hahaha!)

HD: Let me say it once again. “ONE OK ROCK guttokuru” got 52, 600 hits.

DH: Why did you have to say it again? (Hahaha!)

(Voiceover: Blahblahblah. They’ll be judged by the 35 people in the audience. Blahblahblah.)

DH: For your reference, we’ll ask the audience what makes their hearts jump. You’d like to know, right?

OOR: Yes.

Nao (asks the women in the audience): How was it?

Lady (voted for Tomoya): He looks kinda reckless. He’s like a puppy.

DH: That’s so cute!

Nao: He’s like a puppy, so he’s cute. I see. How about you? You voted for Taka.

Girl (voted for Taka): Because he’s cool. (Gosh, Taka looked super happy. <3)

Nao: Is there a member you hate?

Girl: Toru.

Toru: Eh, me?

Nao: No honorific whatsoever.

Daisuke: No honorific. Haha!

Toru: That was pretty straightforward. (Hahahahaha! Poor Toru.)

(Voiceover)

~~~

I’ll do the rest later. This is already too long. lol! 

owlcoats-deactivated20170105  asked:

Instead of "you wanna suck my blood" I thought Yuu said "you wanna suck my beard, doncha" and I thought it was some new term that I wasn't hip on and I can't-

OMFG WHAT IS THIS HOLY SHIT BEARD, I ALMOST FELL OFF MY CHAIR HOW DARE YOU
I CANT, THIS IS GOLD MAYBE I SHOULD DO MORE CURSIVE SO U PEOPLE COME UP WITH FUNNY MISUNDERSTANDING OF MY WORDS AHAHHAAH
IM DYINGGGG, PLS WRITE “DEATH BY YUU’S BEARD” IN MY TOMBSTONE

anonymous asked:

so i made the academy skins in sims 3 for shits and giggles. the first thing to happen when i turned on free will was ekko ate some dirt, causing vladimir to set himself on fire and ahri to fall in love with ekko, and darius decided to sleep on the floor. i thought you would like to know

I’ve been laughing for a day straight now.

ty anon

id set myself on fire too tbh 

my garlic baby is on fire

4

Some pics lol idk I wanted to show you all some shit.
I got some sick posters and buttons from the con, and hhh I love them.
The water colour Rick and OPM were done by Levicraig.com
And I should have grabbed the other artist’s card but I forgot, but it has his signature (btw that guy was funny as hell and so cool omfg)

anonymous asked:

can you give us some drunk headcanons for jason please!! i love your headcanons!!!!!

No prob and thanks!

- Jason is actually super reckless. Like he’ll just try a stunt just for shits and giggles and when he’s able to do it even he’s surprised

- He’s so chatty omfg. Like in general he has a big mouth but when he’s drunk, he absolutely has no filter. It’s funny and very enlightening

- he sings alot. Sometimes it’s off key and other times it’s really bad pop songs like why you do this jaybird

- on a sadder note, he’s much gentler than his father was and makes a conscious effort to be as different from his father as possible.

- on that note, he doesn’t look in the mirror much when he’s drunk. It’s like his dad is staring right back at him

- he speaks to objects. Remember that panel where hes like ‘hello bed’?? Yeah that’s him. He’ll tell the pillow about his day. He’ll rant about something to his blanket. He’s a mess

- he does pranks on himself for when he’s sober. Help this man plz

- he’ll probably spout really poetic and deep shit and pause before saying something like 'what if the whole world was upside down?’

- He’s so cuddly oh my God. So, so cuddly. He’s giant teddy bear.

- drunk Jason is a national treasure and needs to be protected okay? Okay.

khaleeniv  asked:

How do you get over someone? It's been a year and I'm exhausted.

You’re asking the wrong person, I’m STILL writing about my ex who dumped me exactly a year ago.

But currently what I’m doing or trying to do is this:

  • Drink a lot. Hydrating helps lessen depression. Plus, it makes you feel all warm and snuggly and homey drinking tea and hot cocoa.
  • Exercise. Looking good will make you feel good. Trust me.
  • Saltwater cures everything. Go to the beach and just enjoy. 
  • Inhale the sunshine! Brighten up the darkness in your life, literally.
  • Read stuff. Things that can relate to you. So for the sad writings, you’ll be able to cry and feel. But then AFTER THAT, read positive shit only. Avoid all negative-depressing-thought provoking things. Instead of looking at posts that say, “If you love her, then you should be with her” because that shit makes you more depressed and question your worth. Read posts that say, “HE LEFT. So fuck him. Spend your time with people who want you all year round, not only when they feel lonely or when the situation feels comfortable for THEM” Here is a collection of all my “moving on” poetry if this helps AND here is my prose they will probs make you cry as they are usually depessing
  • According to Mitch Albom, author of my favorite book, “In order to move on, you must first learn to understand why you are feeling what you feel, and why you no longer need to feel it.” Write a mother fucking list of all the bad things he did. And why you shouldn’t love him anymore. He was immature. He never wanted to watch any of your fave TV shows. He thought your love for cartoons was stupid. He made you feel your boobs weren’t big enough. He has an annoying habit of saying YOLO all the time. He forgot to pick you up that one time because he was with his friends AGAIN. He LEFT while you gave him EVERYTHING IN YOU. ALL THE LITTLE NEGATIVE THINGS. Remind yourself. WRITE IT DOWN.
  • On that note, read the book Tuesdays with Morrie. It will change your life.
  • Fuck around. Get laid. I self-destructed. It’s not healthy in the end, but at the start before I lost control, I was distracted and had MUCH FUN and actually met some nice guys who became my friends and still keep in contact with. Besides, the best way to move on from someone is to get under someone. It’s nice to feel WANTED even if it’s just sexually or shallowly. BE THE ONE TO FLIRT FIRST AND APPROACH GUYS. IT MAKES YOU FEEL EMPOWERED. I have never in my life gotten rejected by a guy I asked to come home with me. Guys are literally SO easy to pick up :P Just say “Wanna fuck?” or “I’m going home. You can come if you want.” or something of the sort.
  • Smoke weed and get high. You will be so high up in the sky you won’t give a shit about him or anything else. You’ll be too fucked up. Side note: sex will high is OMFG AWESOME.
  • Find yourself a date. ASK YOUR FRIENDS TOSET YOU UP. Everytime I feel crap about him possibly sleeping with someone, I just remember this HOT PIECE OF SWEDISH ASS will be my fucking blind date in two fucking weeks!!!1 

    fuck he is SO SO HOT I hope he doesnt see this post
  • watch FUNNY STUFF. Like seriously Modern Family is THE BEST THING THAT’S HAPPENED TO ME all year since I got depressed again after leaving the surf island. Marathon some funny shit. That or watch GRUESOME horror movies.
  • Travel. Doesn’t need to abroad. Just somewhere close where NOBODY KNOWS YOU. Meet new people. Be alone. LITERALLY learning to be independent helps.
  • block him out. Stop talking to him. Seriously. block him from facebook and his number delete it, and just DELETE HIM frrom your life. if he messages you NO MATTER WHAT IT IS DO NOT REPLY
  • BE A BITCH. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I find being cold to him an d not GIVING A FUCK super helps.
  • Listen to REAL GOOD music and masturbate to it. Not to brag, but the playlist on my blog is pretty awesome *cough*
  • Get off tumblr and start living. Spend time with friends and family EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT TO. Surround yourself with good people. Talk to a stranger. MEET NEW FRIENDS!!!!!!!! I canNOT stress how physical social interaction is IMPORTANT. even if you are social inept and awkward like me. FAKE IT and make new friends, discover new people.
  • Try new thigns that are scary, bungee jump. Surf. Ride roller coasters. Swim with sharks idk
  • Volunteer. Go to charities. Help the homeless. i went out and traveled for fucking 14 HOURS IN A FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE TRUCK with a reckless driver who keeps sleeping-while-driving, to donate relief goods to typhoon victims here. DO SOMETHING TOTALLY SELFLESS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. 
  • also think positive thoughts. smile. even fi you feel sad. smile, find something to smile and laugh about. the nice nostalgic sound of rain, the pretty clouds, the pretty bush of roses outside your house. FIND BEAUTY IN LIFE and smile about it
  • BE GRATEFUL. Thank jesus and the lord for all you have. Yes your feeligns are valid, but at least you weren’t born with three nipples, or didn’t lose your limbs in a car accident, or don’t have one side of yuor face burned with acid in a freak accident, or ARE NOT A VICTIM OF THE TYPHOON IN MY COUNTRY AND ARE STARVING AND HAVE LITERALLY NO MATERIAL POSESSION. watch this video and i swear to jesus you will be happy with what little you have and what problems YOU DONT have sadeandriazabala.com/post/72192165915

No idea if these are fool proof ways for moving on. They are mine though, so I hope it helps. IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE.

We are all destined for something great, if we jsut TRULY BELIEVE IT. So repeat after me: IT WILL GET BETTER. THE UNIVERSE HAS A LOT IN STORE FOR ME!!! Good luck :D

Zeref and Mavis's thoughts throughout their whole reunion scene:

Zeref: HOLY FUCK BAES AWAKE WTF I WAS NOT FUCKING PREPARED FOR THIS OMG FUCK I NEED TO ACT COOL IMA JUST SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE ON THIS CHAIR AND CROSS MY LEGS AND THINK ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY IN MY HEAD LIKE THAT TIME NATSU STARTED EATING HIS DIAPER OR SOME SHIT SO I CAN SMIRK REALLY COOLY OMFG ACT COOL ZEREF! ACT. FUCKING. COOL! EVIL AURA, EVIL AURA! YOU ARE THE DARK KING WHO IS INVADING THIS LAND! YOU SHALL NOT FKN BLUSH U LITTLE PUSSY ASS BITCH! FUCK FUCK FUCK

Mavis: WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE SITTING IN THE FUCKING GUILD LIKE HE OWNS IT WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS EVIL, CRAZY, PSYCHOTIC… HOT, INCREDIBLY SEXY… NO MAVIS NO, HES A FUCKING CUNT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I WILL JUST LOOK AT HIM VERY SERIOUSLY AND ANGRILY SO HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT I AM THINKING, OKAY. ITS OKAY, I GOT THIS! YOU GOT THIS MAVIS! SERIOUS AURA, NO! DO NOT FUCKING PICTURE HIM SHIRTLESS, WTF BRAIN?! NO.

Zeref and Mavis: DO NOT BLUSH, SERIOUS FACE, SELF RESTRAINT

So when Audrey was having her meltdown, everybody was saying that this was serious and even if you don’t like her, taking it as a joke makes you a piece a shit.

But when Steve has an anxiety attack people in this tag want to laugh and make jokes about it as if its hilarious because they don’t like him.

done with society.

Here are some things I don’t get/ dislike about fangirls:

  1. the way they speak- if its not stupid caps lock screaming bullshit its this really weird bizzare way of speaking that they’ve all adopted. e.g. they’re incapable of just saying ‘LOL’ or 'I love this’ they have to say weird things like 'omfg I cant not reblog this’ 'if I dont reblog this just assume I died’- no. stfu you didn’t die over not reblogging something fucking go outside. theres something really annoying and corny about it.
  2. the fandoms. I hate even the word fandom. tbh I just see this as a bad word which includes all the annoying main fandoms of tumblr and not as a word that means the fan culture/ society of any franchise. the big fandoms are annoying. and I don’t understand why they’re as big as they are. sherlock, supernatural, doctor who- these are probably great shows but thanks to the fandoms I just wanna stay the fuck away from them. and a lot of the shit I see them reblogging just makes me go 'WTF. HOW IS THAT FUNNY IN ANY WAY!?!’ itll be like a gif of the fucking actor walking down a street and itll have 10 million notes with a dumb caption like 'that is so benedict’  or 'AHAHAHHAA OH BENEDICT’
  3. which brings me to my next point. the shitty comments they put on reblogs. they go and infect non fandom posts too. im sick of seeing great posts like an awesome story or a beautiful photograph then I scroll down and see some lame fucking comment like 'the feels guys. the feels.’ and then you see those ones with a several reblog comments- each one getting shitter and shitter. 'thats it. that’s tumblr.’ 'yep’. 'this perfection is back on my dash again’. 'period leak’. I mean fine if you wanna write that shit but why do they get repeatedly reblogged like they’re incredibly funny shit. they’re not. the thought of anyone finding them funny completely baffles me
  4. the way they fetishize gay men and gay relationships. ive seen a few posts about this recently and its sad they’re not shamed for it more. the way they only seem to like these shows because theres vaguely homoerotic undertones is sickening. go watch porn and enjoy tv shows for oh I don’t know the good plot? the great characters? the outstanding acting?
  5. their interests in the shows never seem genuine. its seriously like 'oh look this show keeps getting reblogged on tumblr. tbh the show looks kinda shitty but OOH THE FANDOM LOOKS FUN AND EVERYONE ON TUMBLR IS IN THAT FANDOM SO I MAY AS WELL JOIN IT TOO. SIGN ME UP!’ and so on. meanwhile theres true fans of the shows (eg I know that doctor who has serious fans that would probably vomit at the tumblr fandom) liking it for real reasons. I have a friend who continuously reblogs supernatural shit…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              and shes never watched supernatural…
  6. and why fan over the actors so much? I mean I like shows and yeah I love the actors etc but I don’t fucking stalk their every move and facial muscle and pick up on things that arent even there. and shipping real life actors is just…
  7. the subjects of the fandoms seem completely random to me. yes there seems to be a slight theme of upper class british male actors (thanks for fetishizing britain and promoting unrealistic standards of what people in britain are actually like btw) but idk its like some fat greasy hormonal teenage girl in her basement is sitting and masterminding which TV shows and actors become tumblr famous next. I mean. martin freeman? what? hes just an actor. they’re not even interested in the actual stories or shows it seems to be purely the actors and characters yet they’ll pride themselves on being 'fans of lord of the rings’ yet its never anything substantial about the show itll just be some dumb fucking gifs of the dwarves talking and the fangirls laughing at something that isnt even funny
  8. why must they sexualise everything?  Every character every couple everything. and its always immature. its like 'PENIS!’ 'AHAHAHAHHAHA LET ME REBLOG THIS ONE MILLION TIMES THANKYOU.’ I don’t mind sexual humour if its actually funny or intelligent but you people act like immature cunts.
  9. oh and having some weird tom hiddleston obsession doesn’t make you a 'marvel fan’.
  10. they sound seriously idiotic. these girls post and reblog shit like 'omfg that moment you realise 2007 was 7 years ago.’ yes you fucking freak if you think about if for more than a second you realise that.
  11. more annoying things they say 'im done.’ 'im screaming’. 'im crying’.

go fuck urselves

anonymous asked:

Their reaction when you tickle at their buttholes when you have sex with them ! ;D

omfg I’m dying x”D this is so stupid and perverted that it’s funny again, I gotta do this you somehow understand my sick humour, welcome to the family
_________________________________________
Luhan: offers you to er.. take your backdoor

Chen: no gull no

Lay: is not amused and gets depressed because he wanted to have some nice sexy time


Sehun: “Stop that shit right now!”

Chanyeol: “WOOAAAH!? WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” laughs and derps

Suho: stops whatever he was doing “Young lady….dafuq?!”

Baek: “OH yaah kkaebsong..This is not the reality I wanted..I’m not team bottom!” cries

Kris: “eeer.. You know, this is really not my style..” 

Xiumin: is not quite sure how to feel about this 

Kyungsoo: is clearly not amused at all
Tao: wants you to get your finger out of there
Kai: actually laughs because he’s ticklish there