solmeme

Starting Over

Ok so this is for @na-bruma-leve and her wonderful look at this scene *hugs*

Basically the mention and question of ‘starting over’ was Daryl’s statement to Carol. Not just ‘you can start over’ but…

There’s a plural in that. As in ‘you and me.. together’ kind of thing. 

So when they are in Domestic Violence Shelter, a place that has a profound emotional impact on them both, for different reasons, it causes a solmemness and a quiet consideration  from them both. I mean lets face it, quiet moments are a rarity in the times they live in. Its times of quiet being still that honesty comes out of course. Because they are alone, together with just their thoughts. 

Carol quietly staring out the window, looking haunted, saying she will take the first watch. That he can sleep, but that’s not happening because there is just too much unsaid between them here.  So Carol breaks the silence and asks the question. 

She wants to know if he’s been able to shed some of the things that were holding him down, holding him back. If during her absence he’d continued to grow, to let go of what needed to be left behind. Something she needs to able to do herself. 

Daryl’s answer is as honest as he can give at the moment. He’s tired, feeling the weight of it all on him. He IS trying. Because starting over is hard, and scary and sometimes wears you out. he’s thinking about the place he’s in now, that Carol and Sophia stayed her, because of that asshole of a husband of hers, feeling pain and anger for what she went through, And after seeing the book on the counter and understanding where he is now. This place is opening him up who he was, and is a well. An abuse  survivor just like her, struggling to rid himself of the demons that constantly are trying to drag him back down. 

Perhaps he is thinking about how he treated Beth at the shack, the verbal and even physical abuse he put on her, i.e dragging her by the arm and putting  her in a choke-hold while taking target

practice, a scene in which I  honestly believe  was a reanactment of his how own abuse.  Behavour that may have frightened at his core, seeing how easily he could become the very thing he hated the most. A monster like his like his poor excuse for a father. And even the way he treated Carol at the farm as well. “you gonna make this about my daddy?’ You don’t know jack!’’ 

Daryl now knows what happened to him wasn’t a normal thing and that his behavour was not okay. And that book showed him that there was, and is help available if he wants it. 

He’s trying to change that about himself. He’s trying to be a better man now. Feeling as though he may just gotten another chance when Carol  appeared in  front o of him in the woods outside Terminus. And still tossing an processing the fact that she had tried to leave.. A issue he’s not quite ready to deal with yet. 

This Carol reflecting on the things that have recently happened to her, dancing around the actual events of The Grove and the painful result that she can’t quite confront yet. She tried to save them and couln’t.  She dosen’t want to be right about this too. Dosen’t want that crushing fear that they just don’t get to do it anymore. That not matter what happens, you just can’t save people. And she dosen’t want  Daryl to give up anymore than she wants herself to. 

She’s trying in spite of her experience because giving up is far worse. Knowing she might get crushed again (and does, they both do in the end) but she’s trying because he’s trying in spite of his own experiences as well.  Because she she dosen’t want to give up hope, to bury her heart and she sure as dosen’t want to him to either. 

She can tell by his expression, his demeanor that he is trying, and she’s happy that he is  because she loves him and only wants what’s best for him. But she’s still keeping herself hidden, protecting

herself from the potential loss. . But she’s there and she’s trying. For him, for Beth for everyone that she loves. 

And Daryl sits, and plays with his hands, feeling a bit at a loss as to what to do here. Been totally out of his element but keeps trying, keeps trying to better himself, trying to be that ‘man of honor’ she talked about so long ago it seems. And he keeps trying to reach her with the quiet patience he displays with he, keeps plugging away trying keep her with him. Because she’s the reason he’s trying most of all. 

The one who told him he was ‘every bit as good as them.’ that he had earned his place’ and was better than just a ‘henchman’ The one who believed in him first before anyone else did. He’s trying to get her to believe in herself just like she always tried to do with him. He loves her for that and it’s why he keeps fighting for it. 

And she’s trying to. For herself. And for him. They are trying for each other and that hasn’t changed. The sign Daryl saw for Alexandria, about a ‘new start’ was not an accident. 

(gif by @dixonscarol

Sometimes we all just need a reminder of who and why we are trying and what we are fighting for. A new start. Together. Why not right?

Now I need sleepy.. Comic Con tomorrow :D Nighty all my lovlies :)

(the other gifs are not mine eitehr, I don’t remember who made them but credit to them)