solid objectives

Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

Shiro and the Black Lion meta: “You Saved Me.”

I’ve been wanting to write this meta for a while, because after season 2 came out I’ve seen a lot of people characterise the Black Lion as disloyal or fickle, and I don’t think this is the case. I think the Black Lion is extremely loyal to Shiro, and very closely bonded to him; and I think she probably hates Zarkon as much as Shiro does. That might be a strange conclusion to come to after she literally spat Shiro out in the season 1 finale, so let’s break this down a little bit:

If you leave aside the incident in 1x11, the rest of the show portrays the Black Lion and Shiro as very closely bonded. In 1x02 Shiro is the only Paladin who’s able to do the nosedive exercise. At this point he’s been piloting the Lion for like… a couple of days MAX, but he’s able to bond with her to the point that he can see through her eyes. So far, we haven’t seen any of the other Paladins pull this off. The Lion/Paladin bond is a two-way thing - we see that clearly with Red and Keith - so we have to assume that this bonding moment is not just down to Shiro’s calm focus. It’s also coming from Black.

You can also see Black’s willingness to bond with Shiro in 2x07. Shiro goes down to the hangar, sits in the Lion, and goes: “Work with me. What do I have to do to strengthen our bond?” And the Lion is like: “YES BONDING! ALRIGHT! LET’S GO!!” She immediately powers up and whisks Shiro off on a spiritual journey. She invites Shiro to see through her eyes, and shows him her history and how she was made. Shiro asks ‘what do I have to do to strengthen our bond?’ and the Lion’s answer is 'you need to understand my history and where I come from’. And again - we’ve not seen any of the other Lions do this. Shiro is the only Paladin whose Lion has opened up about their past or told their Paladin this kind of visual story.

None of this is consistent with the characterisation of the Black Lion as disloyal. It certainly doesn’t seem like she mistrusts or dislikes Shiro, right? If anything, she seems positively eager to open up to him.

Which brings me to my theory about the Black Lion: I don’t think she’s fickle, or contrary, or lowkey still into her ex. I don’t think she likes Zarkon at all, or misses him, or wants him back as her Paladin.

I think she’s traumatised.

More under the cut, because sweet quiznak did this get long:

Keep reading

sadinasaphrite  asked:

I understand you have a long list of these questions, but figured I'd get in line. I want to adopt a retired greyhound racer. What health problems do you see with them? I've also heard they are especially sensitive to anesthesia due to their low body fat. Do you have a protocol you find is particularly safe for them? The rescues have too many conflicting answers. One even claims they never should be put under anesthesia ever, even for dentals, because they "just die!" Which is ridiculous.

Anonymous said: Is it ok to request another breed? If so, greyhounds? Possibly rescue racing hounds if that specification has any problems that pet raised greyhounds dont

and

Anonymous said: Hello! I was wondering if you could (or have already done) a post about greyhounds? Specifically racing-quality ones? I read something earlier that claimed they were a lot healthier than most dogs and I’m wondering if that’s true. Thanks!

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Anonymous said: Hey there! I noticed you said recently you’d like to see more ex-racing greyhounds as pets - I’m seriously considering adopting one in the future and I was wondering what health issues you see in them? I’ve heard that they can get painful corns on their feet and that you need to be careful about their temperature, but is there anything else you see that a future adopter should be watching for? Question tax: came for the the vet stories, stayed for the refreshingly sensible advice :)

Oh vetlings, I have a lot to say about Greyhounds.

I adore these dogs, and am glad to work with them, but don’t specifically condone organised greyhound racing. Most of these dogs like to run, I would have no problem with them running around a track casually for fun, but once prize-money is involved it becomes too tempting to push limits, to cheat, to cut corners, to overbreed, and this leads to poor welfare outcomes for too many dogs.

Please note the disclaimer that these posts are about the breed from a veterinary viewpoint as seen in clinical practice, i.e. the problems we are faced with. It’s not the be-all and end-all of the breed and is not to make a judgement about whether the breed is right for you. If you are asking for an opinion about these animals in a veterinary setting, that is what you will get. It’s not going to be all sunshine and cupcakes, and is not intended as a personal insult against your favorite breed. This is general advice for what is common, often with a scientific consensus but sometimes based on personal experiences, and is not a guarantee of what your dog is going to encounter in their life.

Also please note that this will be a Long Post.

Originally posted by thegypsycob

General conditions of Greyhounds

Whatever their history all greyhounds have a few things in common. Most of them struggle to sit, they tend to either stand or lie down. Their pain tolerance is interesting, walking in with a broken bone but screaming at a tiny needle prick. They like to feel someone touching their head. There are also a few conditions common to them, regardless of their lifestyle or upbringing. They are one of the very few breeds that I think it’s not an exaggeration to say you benefit from seeing a vet with experience in this breed. We have a lot to get through, so I’ll try to keep the basics fairly short.

Bloat, (Gastric Dilatation Volvulus) is more common in the big males, but can occur in any greyhound due to their deep chest. Delicate, picky eaters seem less at risk.

Greyhounds are generally very athletic, but they can and do develop Dilated Cardiomyopathy. While they have generally reached a reasonable age before developing this condition,

Pannus can affect any greyhound, and this chronic eye condition is generally made worse by UV light exposure. Once diagnosed it’s not too hard to control with medication but it is a long term condition. This is the most likely reason you would see a greyhound wearing doggy sunglasses or ‘Doggles’.

Greyhounds can also get Progressive Retinal Atrophy, which may manifest as ‘night blindness’ first, though this seems to be less common lately.

Greyhounds, perhaps surprisingly for all the raw food they seem to get when racing, have generally poor Dental Health. Despite being big dogs that are generally pretty tolerant, most of them don’t like to chew. They’re delicate chewers and won’t necessarily gnaw a bone.

Speaking of bones, these dogs get Osteosarcoma (Bone cancer) fairly readily. This cancer has a biphasic age pattern. Basically it usually occurs in dogs around 2 years of age, and dogs around 8-10 years of age. It’s all kinds of bad, every time and there’s not much else to say about it, other than the life expectancy is short. I’ve talked about it previously.

Of purely cosmetic concern, greyhounds also commonly develop pattern baldness. Typically the affected areas are the thighs and ventral neck, and there are a few possible reasons for this. It might be genetic, it might be nutritional or stress related, or it might be due to blood vessel compression under due to large muscle groups underneath the skin. This generally bothers the owners more than the dog.

Greyhounds often have thin skin, and while this doesn’t necessarily bother the dogs most of the time it certainly bothers me as the surgeon! Some of these poor dogs will seem to tear themselves open with any little scrape, so be careful of the suture materials you choose. They are prone to pressure sores with poor bandage care too.

And associated with their thin skin, some of these dogs develop “Happy Tail,” which is basically a chronic injury on the tail tip which wont heal because the blessed dog insists on wagging it against solid objects all the time, despite the pain and injury. They can’t help it. They’re too happy, hence the name of the wound. This takes creative bandaging or the occasional partial amputation to fix.

Originally posted by emiliotheexplorer

Conditions associated with Racing

Most greyhounds are reared for the race track and it’s not until later that they’re identified as being 'unsuitable’ for the track. Some greyhounds will be 'retired’ early, before they ever get to run, but many will be retired either with injuries or because they just don’t win. Greyhounds that have been retired due to injury are not necessarily lame, they may have healed well enough to do normal dog activities, just not enough to win races.

Track leg is probably the most common 'racetrack injury’ we see. It’s basically a swelling on the inside of the tibia below the knee, caused by the greyhound continually hitting its hind leg with a front leg as it runs around the track in the same direction all the time. They’re usually not painful, and generally go away when the greyhound is not restricted to always running in a very large circle.

Corns are hard thickenings in the bottom on a footpad, either secondary to trauma, foreign objects (grit) or papilomas. They start out small but grow with time, and are painful. It’s like having a stone in your shoe all the time and many greyhounds will become footsore because of it. Affected greyhounds are often reluctant to walk on harder surfaces, and anti-inflammatories doesn’t seem to make much difference. We treat them by paring them out and waiting patiently.

Grit in foot pads can cause corns, and can cause similar lameness to corns, but will show up on Xrays if you use high enough detail. These are fragments of sand or other foreign objects that have become embedded in the foot pads while running. Greyhounds are particularly lame with this injury and often don’t respond fully to anti-inflammatories. They need surgery to remove these pieces of grit, and the surgery can result in corns.

A Fractured hock, carpus or metacarpal/metatarsal might be a racing career ending injury, but not necessarily a life ending one. Depending on the extent of the fracture the greyhound may have no lameness with a walk or light run, or may end up with a completely fused joint. Generally these dogs are only retired to pet homes if they can still get themselves around pain free.

A Split Webbing is an injury to the web of skin between toes. When this skin tears it’s nearly impossible to get it to heal if both layers are torn, so the recommended technique is to split it all the way to the base of the toes and remove the webbing. This doesn’t seem to bother the dogs at all, and prevents it from re-tearing over and over again as it heals.

Maxillary Fractures are a rare injury of long-nosed dogs who are also klutzes and trip over, slamming their nose into a fence or the ground. This upwards force can fracture the upper jaw, just in front of the canine teeth. These fractures may be non displaced, causing little more than a blood nose and needing pain relief and soft food for a few weeks, or they may be loose and need wiring. They are fairly uncommon overall, but it seems to be greyhounds that get them most.

Associated with racing greyhound husbandry, Neospora infection from raw, infected beef consumption (and similar Toxoplasma from kangaroo or sheep) is more common in greyhounds due to their high prevalence of raw meat being fed. It may present as anything from back pain to blindness, and you can lose whole litters to these parasites.

There are a number of odd Assorted Sports therapy things that greyhounds might be subjected to, from particular lineaments being used, ultrasound therapy, chiropractic treatment or 'seeing the muscle men’, some of the 'treatments’ racing greyhounds are exposed to seem more like hope and witchcraft than medicine. These dogs may also have been supplemented with all sorts of things during their racing days, including iron and B12 as the most common supplements. You don’t necessarily know what a dog has or hasn’t been given in its racing days, but most will be little consequence, if any, after a few months.

Racing greyhounds are also known for a few particular metabolic weirdnesses. Exercise associated heart conditions, exercise associated epilepsy, water diabetes (like a temporary diabetes insipidus), rhabdomyolysis and acidosis are the most well known.

Anaesthesia

Now, this is an interesting difference. Greyhounds are a bit different when it comes to anaesthetics. Most vet students will easily recall that barbituate anaesthetics aren’t recommended in sighthounds due to their proportionally low body fat (and very young or very fat dogs for the same reasons), but greyhounds also seem to have a different liver metabolism that makes handling this class of drugs more difficult. Fortunately there are many other options these days.

The whole 'they die under anaesthesia’ thing is…sort of true. If you put them under anaesthetic when they’re under 24 hours off the race track then they tend to…well… die. But when these dog’s have been at rest for at least 24 hours there doesn’t seem to be a particular increase risk of death specifically.

These dogs are prone to both hypothermia and hyperthermia under anaesthetic, and in life in general.

They are prone to rapid wake ups from anaesthesia, which is not fun when you have a 30kg dog thrashing about and freaking out. For this reason higher premed doses seem to help if you’re using an alfaxalone protocol, medetomedine/butorphanol works well for sedation and we usually use xylazine/ketamine/atropine for orthopaedics. I will not be posting dose rates on this blog, but rest assured greyhounds are perfectly able to have an anaesthetic. They’ve got to get their dental disease treated somehow!

Compared to other breeds

Generally greyhounds are considered pretty healthy. They’re not free of problems, but their common problems are different to common problems in other breeds. Greyhounds have one of the lowest incidences of hip dysplasia in purebred dogs,  and rarely develop the same common structural issues we see in other breeds.

Their blood results are often a little different. A greyhound in racing condition will have a higher PCV, and a pet greyhound may keep this in their retired life. They often have a lower platelet count,  by around 20-25% or so, and may have a relatively low T4. A low T4 can be normal for a greyhound, and hypothyroidism shouldn’t be diagnosed without a TSH level.

They are, in general a little more prone to being clingy or developing separation anxiety. This is generally because most of these dogs are raised in big groups in a kennel situation, and may not get to be truly 'alone’ until they’re in a pet home. Some dogs just need a few weeks of being spoiled with TLC to adjust, some dogs need some pharmaceutical assistance for a while. Some dogs only really relax if they have a companion, but it depends on the individual.

So that is the greyhound breed from a veterinary viewpoint in a nutshell. Some of these points are brief because I only want to give you an overview, but I do recommend vet students spend some time in a greyhound practice, even if you don’t want to work with them or the racing industry, because the musculoskeletal exam of a greyhound is so much more thorough and I understood hocks and carpi much better in greyhounds than I ever did in horses.

Phew, that took a while to write. If you would like to support Dr Ferox’s writing time you can via Patreon for as little as $1 a month!

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Hello again. Can you see through a wall? Can you see through human skin? X-rays see through solid, or so-called solid objects. There are things in life that exist, and yet our eyes cannot see them. Have you ever seen something startling that others cannot see? Why are some things kept from our vision? Is life a puzzle? I am filled with questions. Sometimes my questions are answered. In my heart, I can tell if the answer is correct. I am my own judge. In a dream, are all the characters really you? Different aspects of you? Do answers come in dreams?

Part 3 of Lachesism! Lance

that’s right guys, there’s a part 3. I can’t believe how much support this has been getting, thank you guys! You’re all so nice ❤❤

You can read Part One here and Part Two here

check out some of my other minifics here

Enjoy!


 “Why can’t you just let me feel useful for once?”

Lance fled the room, angrily wiping his face as he ran, searching for the comfort of his lion. He ignored the calls of his teammates, ignored the feelings of fear, regret and pity that radiated off of them. 

He ignored everything but the purrs of his lion.

Lance understood why Blue had let them in, she hadn’t wanted him to keep his powers a secret in the first place. Blue was just worried (understandably, he was learning how to make emotions into solid objects) and he could never angry at her for long. Once he reached his hangar, he locked it for good measure and changed the password for good measure, before finally taking a deep breath of air and staring at his lion.  

“Well that was certainly a shit show, right Blue?” Lance laughed breathlessly, a slight tremor in his voice. He began walking over to her, placing a hand on her paw once he reached her. “It didn’t exactly go how I thought it would.” Blue hummed her agreement in his mind, comforting his anxious thoughts. A slight smile graced his face before changing into a grimace.

“But…to be honest Blue, I never thought they’d be angry at me. I knew they’d be upset but that pissed,” Lance let out a sigh,”It was a little much.” Sensing her paladins discomfort, Blue opened her mouth and let Lance inside. He made his way through his lion slowly, gliding a hand across the wall as he walked. “It hurt, Blue. It hurt a lot. They looked so, so afraid of me.” He paused for a moment, his fingers slowly curling into a fist. He could still feel the emotions rolling off his teammates like waves, each beckoning him to take a dive into the abyss that was feelings.  “A-Am I scary Blue? …Am I monster?”

No, my paladin, you are no monster.

“Then what am I Blue? I’m not a hero, I’m not a Paladin of Voltron, and I’m not even sure I’m completely human at this point!” Lance cried out, sliding down against the wall. “T-These powers Blue, what do they mean?” He began to curl into himself, tears on the brink of falling out. He shoved the palms of his hands against his eyes, trying to stop the tears from overflowing. The negative emotions he usually kept on lockdown were drowning him, they were clawing up his throat and bubbling out as harsh sobs. “What am I?”

You are my paladin, the Blue lion spoke, her words wrapping around Lance’s mind like a blanket, protecting him from the negative emotions in him. You are precious, you are unique and you are wonderful. Blue tried to focus all the love she had for her paladin into her words, sending him as much warmth as she could.

Lance refused to believe her and Blue fought to keep that blanket around him, tightening its bounds around his mind. You are my paladin. 

“You deserve better than me Blue.” The coils grew tighter, dark matter beginning to form around Lance. You are my paladin. 

“Blue…” 

She could hear the shouts of her paladin’s teammates from within her hangar, each shouting for Lance. But her paladin needed rest, he needed these negative emotions gone from his mind so he could be happy. She would heal him. She would protect him. She would be there for her paladin like he was there for her. Sending a quick sorry to Black, Blue protected her paladin the best way she could. You are my cub. 

All Lance could see was black.


“Are you an idiot?! Who says that to the obviously emotionally unstable guy?” Pidge shouted, “Who gave you the right to speak to him that way? Tell me Keith, who?”

“That’s enough Pidge,” Shiro chided.

“Um excuse me? Keith just made a magical Lance who could do some crazy things have a mental breakdown and run off!” She yelled. 

“And I’m sorry about that! But what Lance did was wrong and he needed to know that!” Keith argued through clenched teeth. 

“And what you did was wrong as well! We could have that discussion when he wasn’t a fidgety, anxious mess! But nooo, Keith has to open his big fat mouth and ruin-”

“I said that’s enough Pidge,” Shiro interrupted, “Pidge is correct Keith, you shouldn’t have said that. But Lance also shouldn’t have done what he did, however that did not need to be discussed yet.” Keith looked away angrily, a frown set on his face.  

Shiro sighed, deciding to let him be for now,”Hunk, do you and Pidge want to go check on Lance? I need to talk to Allura about what just happened.” All he got was a nod in response before the two walked out of the room in silence, Pidge sending a glare on their way out. 

Once the room was empty Shiro sent one last glance at Keith,”You’re going to have to apologize for what happened.”

“I know.”

“Because it wasn’t right.”

“I know.”

“And you need to learn-”

“I know Shiro, god,” Keith growled.

“Fine, be that way, but I expect an apology for Lance when I return. You disappointed me today Keith, you’re better than this.” He left it at that before exiting the room, hearing Keith sigh on his way out. 

His entire head was going to be white by the end of today.


ahh sorry it’s a bit short guys! if i wrote anymore it would end up being 3k words :) , hope you liked it though!

Time for a Feels Trip

Nico, Age 10:

Bianca sat with [the Hunters], leaving her little brother to hang out in the front with us, which seemed cold to me, but Nico didn’t seem to mind.

“This is so cool!” Nico said, jumping up and down in the driver’s seat. “Is this really the sun? I thought Helios and Selene were the sun and moon gods. How come sometimes it’s them and sometimes it’s you and Artemis?”

-Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

Nico, Age 11:

“I am the son of Hades,” Nico insisted. “Be gone!”

Minos laughed. “You have no power over me. I am the lord of spirits! The ghost king!”

“No.” Nico drew his sword. “I am.”

He stabbed his black blade into the floor, and it cleaved through the stone like butter.

“Never!” Minos’s form rippled. “I will not—” The ground rumbled. The windows cracked and shattered to pieces, letting in a blast of fresh air. A fissure opened in the stone floor of the workshop, and Minos and all his spirits were sucked into the void with a horrible wail.

-Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

Nico, Age 12:

“Son of Hades.” Kronos spit on the ground. “Do you love death so much you wish to experience it?”

“Your death,” Nico said, “would be great for me.”

“I’m immortal, you fool! I have escaped Tartarus. You have no business here, and no chance to live.”

Nico drew his sword—three feet of wicked sharp Stygian iron, black as a nightmare. “I don’t agree.”

The ground rumbled. Cracks appeared in the road, the sidewalks, the sides of the buildings. Skeletal hands grasped the air as the dead clawed their way into the world of the living. There were thousands of them, and as they emerged, the Titan’s monsters got jumpy and started to back up.

-Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian

Nico, Age 13:

Hazel felt like she’d just introduced two nuclear bombs. Now she was waiting to see which one exploded first.

Until that morning, her brother Nico had been the most powerful demigod she knew. The others at Camp Jupiter saw him as a traveling oddball, about as harmless as the fauns. Hazel knew better. She hadn’t grown up with Nico, hadn’t even known him very long. But she knew Nico was more dangerous than Reyna, or Octavian, or maybe even Jason.

-Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

Nico, Age 14:

Nico wasn’t exactly a sunshine person, but for once he welcomed the warmth. It made him feel more substantial – anchored to the mortal world. With every shadow-jump, coming back got harder and harder. Even in broad daylight his hand passed through solid objects. His belt and sword kept falling around his ankles for no apparent reason. Once, when he wasn’t looking where he was going, he walked straight through a tree.

Nico remembered something Jason Grace had told him in the palace of Notus: Maybe it’s time you come out of the shadows.

If only I could, he thought. For the first time in his life, he had begun to fear the dark, because he might melt into it permanently.

-Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus

Nico, Age 15:

“Nico,” I said at last, “shouldn’t you be sitting at the Hades table?”

He shrugged. “Technically, yes. But if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen. Cracks open in the floor. Zombies crawl out and start roaming around. It’s a mood disorder. I can’t control it. That’s what I told Chiron.”

“And is it true?” I asked.

Nico smiled thinly. “I have a note from my doctor.”

Will raised his hand. “I’m his doctor.”

“Chiron decided it wasn’t worth arguing about,” Nico said. “As long as I sit at a table with other people, like…oh, these guys for instance…the zombies stay away. Everybody’s happier.”

Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.”

“Of course not,” Nico agreed.

-Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

Making Your Undead Deadlier...

With the Release of Tomb of Annihilation, and the Undead Dangers of the Chultan Jungles waiting, We give You a Great Selection of Traits, Abilities and Attacks and More to make Your Undead just a little bit deadlier…

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3

@gracefulleopard asked:                    

Would it be possible for a ghost to go intangible, through a wall or object, and then return to tangibility while still inside the physical object? Or would there be some sort of instinct/fail-safe type thing that prevented them from doing so until they were clear of the obstruction?

In short, there doesn’t need to be a instinctual fail-safe because they just wouldn’t be able to do it! Matter hates existing in the same place as other matter. If a ghost tries to unphase in the same space as other stuff, the stuff either compresses, is displaced, breaks, forcefully ejects them, or they are trapped in their phased state.

MORE GHOST ESSAY:

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Daydreaming

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a superstar actor in Hollywood, and the reader works as a photographer for an upscale fashion and pop culture magazine. One day, she is assigned to take photographs of Bucky to promote his upcoming movie, but her schoolgirl crush on Mr. Barnes proves to be a problem.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3,547

Warnings: Smut (a little bit of D/S undertones, unprotected sex. Don’t get pregnant or catch STI’s,kids). Also some fluff, it’s not 100% smut.

A/N: This is my submission for Kait’s (@bionic-buckyb) 5k AU challenge! My prompt was “Model/Photographer”. Hope you enjoy! (also if anyone can guess what reference I’m making with the fake movie title I put in this fic, you get brownie points!)

Originally posted by little--batman



Another day, another photoshoot in the studio with some rude celebrity who thinks they’re better than you.

You sigh, shuffling over to the strobe to make sure it’s synced properly to your camera. With a quick press of your shutter button, the light goes off, and you’re satisfied that everything is set up perfectly for today’s shoot. Your contentment doesn’t last long, though; the thought of having to deal with another snobby subject clouds your brain. Sure, the concept of meeting celebrities every day at your job seemed cool, but once you got used to it, you realized that they’re all just regular people. There was hardly anything special about anyone you met, aside from the few who were very nice and complimented how good you made them look with your camera.

“Oh, wonderful, you’re all set up!” Michael, the fashion consultant and your bosses’ assistant, bursts through the studio doors. “James will be here in a second. I want you to make him look SO sexy in these photos, got it, Y/N? Carol needs to be proud of our work when she’s back from vacation.”

You shake your head and give him the slightest pathetic smile you can. “I can’t make someone sexy if they already have an ugly face, Michael. Now which James are we talking about?”

“James Barnes?” Michael looks shocked, his eyes widening as he says the name. “For his new movie, ‘Farewell, Atlantis’?”

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In Time: Dean x Reader Soulmate AU

In Time: Dean x Reader Soulmate AU
Rating: T
Warnings: Talk of Suicide. 
Word Count: 1640

AN:  So I had this rolling around in my head when I was looking soulmate AU prompts.  I hope you like it.  If you would please leave feedback, I would greatly appreciate it!   For @imgoldielikehawn, cause she’s awesome and so supportive!  Thanks girl!  Let me know if you want to be tagged! Also thank you so much for 400 hundred followers! Ekkkkk. I’m so excited.


“No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.” - Diana Peterfreund

“Ahh. Come on Mom!  It’s obvious that they aren’t real feds!”  You cried as you looked down on your mom and two strange men.  One was a tall brunette and the other was a dirty blonde with a cock in his walk.  It made you question your mother’s sanity as she sat clutching as kleenex to her nose.  She was talking to them about the night that you had passed away six months ago.  

For the first few months of your limbo, you had been in complete shock.  You had died young.  You had just celebrated your twenty-fifth birthday a few weeks before your death. The police had told your mother that you had shot yourself, but she never believed them.  You also didn’t think that it had sounded right.  Why would you have done something like that?  You had always been happy.  Your life was simple and happy.

You pressed your lips together as you listened more intently to the conversation from your perch on top of the stair well.  Your mother handed the dirty blonde man a picture as she spoke about told them more about you.

“She was happy.  Always happy.  She had dreams.  She wanted to be an author…  She wanted to get married and have a family…” She said before stopping in the middle of her thoughts.

You swallowed back tears as she started to cry softly.  Lifting  yourself up from the top of the stairs, you patted your way to stand behind her.  Reaching out, you desperately tried to touch her shoulder.  Your hand passed right through her and you frowned.   You just wanted her to be happy.  

“Come on mom.  Please don’t cry….”  You muttered as you allowed your hand to hover over her head.  “I’m okay.  I promise.”  

Though that promised was most likely empty.  The only thing you could think to call yourself was stuck.  Stuck in a world were you no longer belonged.  The sudden movement from across the table caught your eye.  The man your mother had given the picture to was swatting his partner in the arm.  He was also looking straight at you.  Turning to look over your shoulder, you found nothing but the empty kitchen. You turned back slowly towards him.  That’s when he locked eyes with you, and you flinched backwards when he did.  

He could see you?

You watched as his partner finally looked up.  He looked right passed you and into the adjoining room.  You blinked rapidly as the blonde man jabbed his finger in your direction.  The brunette gave him a bewildered look and turned his attention back to your mother.  

“We really are sorry for your loss ma’ma.  She was a beautiful young lady.”  The brunette said as he reached out and patted your mother’s hand.  You smiled at the exchanged and couldn’t help but feel he was a nice guy.  The blonde man still hadn’t stopped looking at you.  You turned your attention to him and wondered why he could see you.  No one else seemed to have the ability.  You motioned for him to meet you upstairs.  You wanted to talk to him.   

He looked confused for a second, but caught on when you mouthed ‘upstairs’.  You then turned and bounded up to your old room.

“Ma’am, would it be alright if I checked out her bedroom?  That is where you found her correct?”  He asked your mother gently.  Your mother’s eyes rose to his and she nodded.

“Yes, of course Agent Brooks.  It’s the third door on the left upstairs.”  She sniffed in response.  

“Thank you ma’am.”  He answered as he left the room.    

***

You sat on your childhood bed and nervously chewed on your lip.  You had been visiting the weekend that your mother had found you.  A bullet in your skull and an empty world for her.  You had been standing in the room watching in panicked horror as she clutched your lifelessness.  You had wonder why there had been no bright light or even hellfire.  Instead, you had been left in a cold emptiness.  As the time had passed, you had become used to not feeling.  As before, in life, you had been full of spirit and dreams.  The manuscript for your first novel had been purchased. You had a little apartment in the city and a lot of great friends.  

Your death didn’t make since, but this man might be a glimmer of hope.  There was a knock at the door and you couldn’t help but feel it was a little silly.  You were a ghost not a teenaged girl.

“Come in?” You said as a question.  A bit of biting sarcasm in your tone.  You watched as the door opened and the blonde man entered.  Your eyes widen at the sudden realization of just how good looking he was. You subconsciously ran your fingers through your hair and almost laughed at yourself when you realized what you were doing.

“Y/N?”  He asked when he stood in front of you.  You noticed he was squinting in the darkness of the room.  You nodded before pointing to the desk lamp beside him.

“Sorry.  I can’t seem to touch solid objects.” You offered as an explanation for the darkness.  The man nodded as he reached over and clicked on the light.   You swallowed when a strange pooling feeling in your stomach fluttered through you when you meet his eyes.  You watched as something flickered through him as well.  You took in a deep breath before asking him the question that was burning in the back of your mind.

“Why can you see me?  No else seems to be able to…”  You asked as you pressed your lips together.   The man looked you for a moment before answering.

“To be honest, I am not sure.  Most ghosts I come across are trying to kill someone… Not trying to get them into their bedrooms for a private chat. “  He said with a cocky chuckle.   You squinted at him in confusion.  Was he flirting with you?  

“Are you flirting with a dead girl?” You asked with a cocked eyebrow.  He gave you a look of ‘I guess so’ and a shrug of his shoulders.  This certainly wasn’t the stranger notion about is love life.   Little did you know- he was currently fighting with a much bigger demon.  One that wanted to make him a part of her.


You made a face at him before shaking your head.  This guy was definitely not FBI.

“Who are you?  Cause you’re not an FBI agent.”  You questioned as you smoothed your hair down.  A nervous habit that you had since childhood.   He smiled at your sharp observation.


“Name’s Dean Winchester.  I’m a hunter…”

“Like for big game?”  You ask with a slight laugh.  Dean extended you a look and you gave him a squinty smile back.  “Sorry… Go ahead.”

“Not that kind of a hunter.  I hunt things like well… you…” .

You glowered at him for a moment- you weren’t anything that needed to be hunted.  

You heard him clear his throat as his eyes glanced around from his own awkwardness.

“That didn’t come out right.  What I meant to say is that I hunt supernatural things: werewolves, ghosts, demons, vampires…  All the crap in the movies including some stuff that I wouldn’t want your pretty face to have to believe.”   He said with a undertone of somberness.

You flinched a bit when he called you pretty, but didn’t press it.  What would it do anyway?  You were dead.  Yet, you still didn’t know why he was here…  Unless this was about you, but you had never tried to hurt anyone.


“Are you guys here to like hunt me?  Or something?…”  You asked with confusion in your tone.  

Dean stared at you for a long while.  He had never expected to find you here.  At least not like this.  Most ghosts that had unfinished business turned into revengeful spirits.   There was a lightness about you that made his heart squeeze in his chest. He didn’t understand the feeling, but looking at you like this was making the thought of your death devastatingly personal.

“No, sweetheart.  We are here to figure out what really happen to you.”  He said in a low rumbly voice.   Your eyes widen as you looked straight into his.

“I didn’t kill myself.”  You said with more confidence than you thought you could muster.  Your memories of that time came in waves, but you couldn’t remember anything about what had lead up to that moment.  Nothing added up.

Your eyes were suddenly brought to the door when the brown haired man appeared there.  You watched as he gave Dean an odd look when he spoke to you.


“I know.  There have been a string of cases that similar to your death.  Happy people suddenly….”  He started to say, but stopped in the middle of his statement when the brown haired man interrupted him.

“Dean, who are you talking to?”  

You watched in amusement as Dean jumped before turning around to glared at the other man.

“Don’t do that, Sam!”  He barked.   You giggled lightly when the man he called Sam chuckled.  Dean turned to look at you with a frown.  “And what’s so  funny?”

You shook your head innocently  and covered your giggle.  Sam by this time was staring at his brother like he belonged in an insane asylum.  He could only conclude that his brother had been spending too many late nights researching the darkness or he had finally gone off his rocker.  He walked over and clamped his hand down on his brother’s shoulder.

“Dude.  No one is there.  You really need to get more sleep.”  Sam stated with a worried expression.  Dean’s eyebrows furrowed together and he shot you a look.  Was he seeing things?  Dean frowned deeply at this thought, but shook his head.  There was something more than a few sleepless nights going on here.  He knew that it was you that he was seeing, but the question was…  Why only him?


PART 2 IS POSTED-  Read it here.

6

Since 2015 I’ve been wanting to work on an art series where I re-imagine the characters and the world of the Dragon Age series (starting with DA2 since that’s the first one I played) in a post apocalyptic world where instead of magic, dragons and the fade there are genetic enhancements, mutated abominations and cyberspace ( think something like Fallout/Mass effect/Dents)

I’ve never gotten around to actually working on it due to several… life issues. Now that things are less hectic I’m starting it off with Fenris.

Wall of Text incoming:

Post apocalyptic Fenris ( I have no idea what to call this series) is an escaped test subject of a high security laboratory owned by an enhanced(fuck me I can’t do names for shit) known as Danarius. Fenris’ whole body is covered in implants that increase his physical prowess and allow him to phase through solid objects by stepping through what they call cyberspace (Jesus Christ help me name these things)

These implants not only run through his skin but is also embedded into his muscles, bones and his cerebral system causing him great physical discomfort and why he avoids Physical contact with other people as much as possible.

After a field test/encounter gone wrong, Fenris fled to Kirkwall and is then hunted down by his former master’s soldiers. The implants and the several experiments done on him caused him to lose all of his earlier memories, leaving him completely alone in his flight for freedom.

I tried to stay loyal as much as possible to how Fenris originally looks and at the same time address my concerns for his original in-game design. I think that if a runaway slave with snow white hair and glowing tattoos is being manhunted by someone that can afford a private army and a mansion in a distant city, they’re gonna probably try their best to not be spotted by wearing a cloak or hood to cover up the markings and his head. I also thought that the reason you can’t change his outfit/armor is because it’s custom made for him and his markings.

This is still missing a lot of design stuff for Fenris, like his sword for example. It’s not short, it’s retractable. If you’re thinking that the “sheath” won’t be able to hold the blade in place, don’t worry it’s sorta magnetically held in place in the sheath like how the guns in ME3 are held on their backs. I also need to share what his gas mask looks like (cause post apocalyptic world) and how it works (it’s the one he’s carrying on his left leg) and most important of all what Fenris looks like when he uses his implants and when he enters “Ghost” mode. They’re all in separate files and I’ll attempt to finalize and compile them soon.

There are still a lot of things that I need to address like the different races in the DA universe, blood magic, demons and magic in general. So hopefully I find time to be able to do this series continuously cause I’m reaaally excited to work on the illustrations I have planned.

In A Heartbeat Love Jar

Ever since this short film came out I cry each and every time I watch it. It’s so pure and heartwarming. It is the best example for young gay children out there who still feel at lost about who they are or where they belong. I deiced to make this spell jar inspired by In A Heartbeat as a little protection trinket for LGBTQIA+ people. Hope you enjoy.

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The Stupid Bag (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Rriipppp

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and turned just in time to see most of your books cascade to the floor. It was the fifth time in three days that this had happened and he honestly didn’t understand why you wouldn’t just buy a new bag. Instead, you insisted on repeatedly casting Reparo multiple times a day. Talk about a waste of time and magic. He watched in disdain as a group of sixth and seventh year boys began to crowd around you eagerly trying to offer you their assistance. His eyes narrowed at a particularly bold one who actually dared to put a hand on your arm.

“Keep that expression on your face and you’ll get permanent wrinkles, you know.” Pansy said from next to him. He leveled a glare at her before smoothing out his aristocratic features. “Malfoy’s don’t get wrinkles.” He sniffed while Pansy merely rolled her eyes in boredom. “Come on, class starts in five.”  She said pulling on his arm. “And stop pining after her for Salazar’s sake, it’s unbecoming of you.” She smirked. Draco’s protests were lost in the crowd as their professor arrived just in time to usher them into Transfigurations. Pining? Since when has he ever pined? He doesn’t pine. Pansy can shove it.

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The Shy Fox's Guide to Scrying

I’ve been getting a TON of questions regarding scrying lately. Whether it’s about types of scrying or how it’s done, it can be a little complicated and confusing! A lot of people don’t understand what exactly scrying entails, and I’ve been reading about it and doing it for a while, so I thought I’d make a post about it.

What is scrying?

Have you ever sat outside and looked at the clouds, and seen imagery in the clouds? Or maybe you look at a tree and see a pattern in the leaves and branches. Perhaps you’re staring off into space and you start to daydream or you see images in the wall.

Scrying is a form of divination which utilizes one’s subconscious mind and the images that the subconscious forms. Scrying typically is done using some type of blank surface, usually a dark one, and gazing into it. The diviner then interprets what they “see”. Oftentimes the diviner will write down the images they see and interpret them based on predetermined symbolism or their personal interpretations of symbols and images. It’s all up to each person!

So how does it work?

It really depends on the method being used. Typically, the diviner starts off with some meditation to clear their mind. Oftentimes, a question or thought is meditated on for the diviner to search for the answers to. They then use any number of techniques to “see” what their subconscious tells them about the question being presented. Oftentimes the diviner writes down what they see either as they go or afterwards, depending on personal preference.

There are quite a few different methods, the most common ones typically being water scrying, wax scrying, and mirror scrying, though I know a lot of people do it different ways! Let me give you the breakdown on some of the common types.

Mirror Scrying

Mirror scrying is probably the most common form I see people use, and it’s the one that I think you’ll see most in pop culture next to crystal ball scrying. Mirror scrying is done through the use of a scrying mirror, a very dark (typically pitch black) “mirror”. Often after meditation, the diviner gazes into the mirror and relaxes, letting their mind wander. Visions often take shape, whether it be in the form of numbers, letters, shapes, symbols, etc. The diviner then interprets what they’ve seen based on either popular associations with those numbers, symbols, etc., or they interpret them based on personal belief. 

Crystal Ball Scrying

This one is pretty common too, and it’s what a lot of people associate “witches” and “fortune tellers” with! It’s basically the same process as mirror scrying, but instead of a mirror, the diviner uses a crystal ball. The same process is followed as above. I think a lot of people like this for the aesthetic of it, but it’s not my personal favorite. (also crystal balls are expensive a lot of times and Iiiiii am most certainly on a budget)

Water Scrying

Water scrying is pretty similar to mirror scrying! It’s the same process, but rather than using a mirror, the diviner takes a bowl (again, usually of a dark color) and fills it with water. The process stated in mirror scrying is repeated. Results are usually a bit different, since the water can ripple and move in ways that a solid object obviously can’t. It’s pretty similar to mirror scrying though!

Wax Scrying

I really enjoy this method, but I’ve not used it all that much. Wax scrying is typically done by meditating on the question/thought, then either lighting a candle afterwards or having a candle lit beforehand/during the meditation. The diviner then drips the wax from the candle into a bowl of water, and interprets the symbols and shapes that the wax forms when it hits the water. This form of scrying is awesome for beginners (or for those with short attention spans like myself) since the images stick around and you don’t have to try to remember all that you see in your mind’s eye! Just always remember to be cautious with your candles; don’t let them burn down if you meditate for a long time!

Tea Leaves

I’m not sure if some people would call this “scrying” but to me, it’s still a type of scrying. I believe the proper term for reading tea leaves is called tasseography/tasseomancy. This one’s a fun one! Essentially, instead of meditating, you fix yourself a cup of tea and focus on your question as you prepare your tea. Continue to focus on it as you drink it, really nursing the thought as you sip your tea. Once you’ve come down to the very end of it, you’ll see the tea leaves floating in the bottom of the cup. Quickly upturn your cup over the sink, then flip it over and look at the leaves. The patterns and shapes they form are you answers. I’ve always thought tasseomancy is awesome, but I’m not a big tea drinker, so I don’t really do it. If you love tea, tasseomancy is probably a great form of divination for you!

Raindrop Divination

You don’t hear about this one much, buuuuut I saw a great tumblr post about it, and I thought it was really neat! The post explains it much much better than I can, so I highly recommend you go there if you’re interested. It’s a great post, not super long, and definitely something fun to try if you live in a rainy area!

Those are some of my favorites, but there’s more out there, I can almost guarantee that. Search around and find one you like!

But Fox! This sounds so complicated and I’m just getting started!

Believe me when I say scrying of any form takes practice, patience, and yes, it’s going to be really intimidating at first! My recommendation to you is to practice, practice, practice. Do a small scrying in the morning to see what your day will be like, and see how accurate it is at the end of the day. Offer free scryings to other people. Tumblr is a great place to do that! The community is lovely and I adore the feedback I get! Everyone’s always got something nice to say, so really, don’t be afraid to offer readings on here. Go for it!

Great, but I can’t afford any of the fancy tools! What do I do now?

The answer is simple: you don’t need fancy tools. Got a cell phone? Use the blank screen under low light for mirror scrying. Have a dark colored plastic bowl? Use that for water scrying! Old candles nobody uses anymore? Grab ‘em and use ‘em. Don’t feel like you have to use special fancy tools to be a good diviner. I use a rusty ring on a piece of yarn as a pendulum and my laptop screen as a scrying mirror. I don’t have the fancy tools, but I do divinatory stuff anyway! It’s okay not to have “professional grade” tools. Make use of what you have :)

Oh, cool! So where do I go from here?

Take what you’ve learned and practice, practice, practice! If you’re still confused, you can always message me, or any other tumblr users in the witchy community. Google is your friend too! The important things to remember here are: don’t be afraid to ask questions, and don’t be afraid to just give it a try. You’ll never get better if you don’t try. So don’t be afraid! Everyone has to start somewhere.

Go forth and do some great work! I believe in you!

~The Shy Fox

I think I exist,” he said wearily. “I am conscious of my own identity. I was born and I shall die. I have arms and legs. I occupy a particular point in space. No other solid object can occupy the same point simultaneously
—  George Orwell, 1984
Drew’s Great Big Beauty and the Beast Review

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

THERE IS NO GOING BACK

THIS IS A SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

IT IS ALSO VERY LONG

AND THERE ARE LOTS OF SPOILERS

SO PLEASE BE AWARE

THAT THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE

BEFORE YOU START READING

Let me start off by mentioning how much this movie means to me. I’ve kind of made my niche on the internet by dreamcasting Disney movies as if they were live action. I’ve made a ridiculous number of edits, I mean I’ve spent hours, days, probably weeks on this stuff at this point, and many of these edits have been focused on Beauty and the Beast. Live action versions of Disney movies are like… my Thing. And, to be totally honest, this really is only the second faithful adaptation. Alice in Wonderland was a total reworking of the Alice story, not really a cartoon-to-live-action like this. Maleficent completely retold the story from a different angle by making one Disney’s most vicious villains not only sympathetic but good. Cinderella is so close (and so good, I might add) but visually it’s vastly different from its animated counterpart, especially when it comes to Lady Tremaine and the Fairy Godmother, and it’s not a musical. The Jungle Book is the closest we’ve seen to a real and true “live action remake” as opposed to a live action reinterpretation. But here we are. Disney did it. They took one of their most beloved animated classics and straight-up made it into a live action movie without cutting any songs or really very much at all…

And oh boy, did they knock it out of the park.

I love this movie. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

I love Emma Watson as Belle. I think she’s a wonderful choice, I completely buy into her as Belle. She’s beautiful and intelligent and spunky. Her singing is fine. She’s not Kristin Chenoweth or Sutton Foster, but Belle doesn’t need to be. She’s also not Meryl Streep or Daniel Day-Lewis, you know, Emma doesn’t go through a massive transformation and disappear into the role, but she doesn’t need to because she’s already so much like Belle. Still, I don’t find myself watching it thinking about Emma playing the role, I think of her as Belle, which is the goal of acting really. I love that this Belle is so active. I love that she is continuously trying to find a way to escape from the castle. The addition of the laundry machine and teaching the young girl how to read is so good because it actually shows us Belle’s intelligence. In the animated movie, we know Belle’s smart because we’re told Belle’s smart. She reads books and, sure, she acts rationally and she certainly shows the poise of an intelligent person, but this new scene gives us an active example of her intelligence and creativity while also demonstrating the oppressive and small-minded nature of the townspeople. Emma’s Belle is charming and smart and lovely, and I think she captures the essence of Belle perfectly.

All that being said, our two male leads really steal the show for me. I’ve seen the movie twice now and each time, one of the leading gentleman really jumped out. The first time I watched, Luke Evans felt like the true shining star of the film. His Gaston reminds me of Jason Isaacs as both Captain Hook and Lucius Malfoy. He isn’t just vain… this guy is a legitimate narcissist, it seems like his mind has truly been twisted by the war. This Gaston is even more evil than the one we left behind in the world of animation. Gaston has always been terrifying because of his charisma. The way he’s able to charm the people of the village is chilling and this time around we see even more of that trait, paired with a darker and more violent streak particularly illustrated by Gaston tying up Maurice and leaving him for the wolves. Plus, both times I saw the movie the audience gasped in horror when Gaston stomped on Belle’s lettuces.

The second time I saw the film, I was specifically watching for Dan Stevens’s performance as the Beast and man, this is good stuff. The Prince at the beginning is such a drama queen. He’s so over-the-top with his costuming, wig, even his gestures are extremely theatrical. The make up at the beginning is particularly brilliant, burying the Prince’s face in streaks of blue and silver so he still feels like an obscure figure that we don’t quite see. When Belle first meets the Beast, this is all still evident. The way he hides in the shadows, even his lines of dialogue, it’s all very dramatic. And then as the movie progresses, you can see this flair for melodrama fade away as he becomes a more grounded person. He becomes gentler, kinder, and his intelligence, which has always been there, comes forward. By the time we see the Prince again at the end, you can tell that this is the same man but he has been changed. The animated film’s human Prince always felt disconnected from the Beast for me. Sure, they made the eyes the same, but it was hard to see much else because we just see so little of him, so he always felt rather vanilla. That’s not the case here. When the Prince transforms back to a human at the end, this feels like the same character we have watched throughout the film. I’m sure this is aided by the incredible motion capture and CGI work, because the Beast is animated superbly, but Dan’s performance is just stellar.

The objects are perfect. There’s only one shot that I think feels odd (when Belle is carrying Lumiere with Cogsworth walking in front as they lead her to her room) but other than that one moment, I never second guess them as objects. They feel and act real. Lumiere’s movements in particular are incredible, right down to his close up at the start of “Be Our Guest.” I was worried about Plumette before seeing the movie because the bird design is so unusual, but it makes sense since they needed her to be able to fly to get around, and doesn’t feel out of place at all in the movie. Mrs. Potts and Chip are also beautifully animated, they always feel like real and solid objects with weight to them. Their relationship is wonderful, so loving and caring. Chip’s line, “OK. I’m older” is one of my favorite little moments of the whole thing. Cadenza is a wonderful addition to our cast of characters and I did not expect his relationship with Garderobe, but they were an excellent surprise. And Frou Frou! I love that Frou Fou is Garderobe’s and that he becomes Cadenza’s bench and is therefore the link between the two throughout their years in the curse. They’re just so sweet.

Maurice has been an under-reported character in all of this, and that’s a shame because Kevin Klein knocks this role out of the park. He is absolutely wonderful as Maurice. He is fatherly and kind but he has also clearly made mistakes as a parent and that is kind of embraced and understood in the storytelling. He is sincere at all times in a role that is pretty exaggerated in the animated film. If Maurice’s arrival in the tavern had been played exactly like the original, it would have felt campy, but Kevin Klein’s earnestness grounds the moment in reality. Not to mention his quips about snow in June and “apparently that’s what happens around here when you pick a flower” are delivered brilliantly.

Let’s talk Lefou. I don’t like this Lefou, and here’s why. Every other character in this film feels developed in a natural way. It feels like we are learning more information about these characters that has always existed, we just didn’t fit it in the first time around. Lefou, on the other, doesn’t feel like a character who has been developed but a character who has been rewritten. They clearly got the seed of an idea to make him gay but felt squeamish about making him evil and gay (and rightfully so), so they wrote this redemption arc that feels forced and really doesn’t actually go anywhere… Lefou’s turn during the battle with the castle objects doesn’t actually do anything, so the whole thing feels arbitrary. After seeing the film the second time, my friend and I spent probably an hour and a half just talking about Lefou and came up with a brilliant solution to this whole mess of a character… more on that in a moment…

Incorporating the Enchantress into the story is very compelling. I think it’s very obvious who Agatha is throughout the movie, but it gives the sense that she wants the spell to be broken, she wants the Beast to learn his lesson, which is very interesting. Having her arrive after the spell has completed and actively reverse it is a riveting choice, and I actually felt like we were missing a moment with her where she realizes that she made a mistake. When she was watching the separated loved ones reunite, it seemed like there was a seed of remorse that was not addressed.

The character development is very well done across the board, but I think something this movie did that was important and contributes to its success is the development of the spell itself. I think this was one of the most brilliant moves the film made. The eternal winter around the castle explains the sudden weather changes in such a short period of time while still using the seasons as an emotional storytelling technique like the animated film. The wolves are also clearly part of the curse here – I would have actually liked to have seen them included in the finale sequence, either transformed into humans like the objects, or else disappearing like mist with the rest of the eternal winter. Having the castle crumble every time a petal falls from the rose is so smart as well; it explains why the objects know every time a petal fall while also representing their and the Beast’s disintegrating humanity. But the best part of the curse’s development was definitely the memory loss. Adding the simple line to the opening narration about removing the people of the castle from the minds of the people who loved them was absolutely inspired. This one quick line explained a huge loophole that the animated film left regarding the presence of a massive castle in the woods and a royal family that apparently the entirely world did not know about. But even better than that, it created some wonderfully emotional reunions at the end. My friend beside me gasped so loudly when our favorite teapot exclaimed, “Mr. Potts!” and the moment with Henri Cogsworth and his wife(?) was so hilarious and, in my opinion, subtly hinted at our second LGBT character in this universe. Which brings me to the Lefou thing.

Here’s what my friend and I came up with: in the opening sequence, we see Cogsworth lurking in the shadows telling the Prince that “it’s time,” we see Lumiere handing the Prince a candelabra, we see Mrs. Potts chasing after Chip… in the midst of all this, we could also show a masked jester entertaining a few people at the ball. When the Enchantress arrives, a lot of people run out – presumably that’s where Mr. Potts and Mrs. Cogsworth escape and why they’re not included in the spell – and the jester leaves with them as well. At the end, the Pottses are reunited, the Cogsworths are reunited, and then Lefou recognizes his old beau, Chapeau the violinist/coat rack, and joins the finale back in his jester outfit. It makes total sense for Lefou to be “the fool” of course and explains why he falls into the abusive friendship he has with Gaston, since it would parallel the relationship he probably would have had as a jester for the similarly self-centered Prince. This adds two quick two-second shots to the opening scene, one of the masked Lefou juggling or something and one of him fleeing when the Enchantress shows up, and about twenty seconds at the end for the reunion and revelation and, in my opinion, is so much less problematic than writing our first ever LGBT Disney character as an evil sidekick with a forced redemption arc – this way, he had his memory erased, just like everyone else. Just our little idea but I think it could have blended into this world quite smoothly. Alas, here we are.

Moving on! The finale is absolutely gorgeous. The whole ending sequence is my favorite thing about the whole film. The fight scene is fantastic and then from there to the end, everything is so marvelous. We know the objects are going to be okay in the end, but seeing them all finally lose the battle they’ve been fighting and become motionless household objects is… emotional! Then the Prince’s transformation is brilliant, giving the perfect nods to the original film, and each character’s subsequent change back to their human state is perfect (Cadenza’s teeth!), especially when Mrs. Potts and Chip go sliding down the steps. And then when she says, “You smell so good,” oh my gosh. Whoever contributed that line is a genius. I go all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. Then we have the wonderful and funny reunions and then the final dance sequence, where Emma is beautiful and Dan is looking good in bright sky blue and rococo curls in his hair. Audra McDonald sings flawlessly and we have that beautiful moment between Mrs. Potts and Maurice that made my little shipper heart do a backflip, even if there is a Mr. Potts now. I’m still not sure if I’m on board with the growl, but I adore the line about the beard – apparently it was written for the original film and Paige O'Hara even recorded it! But it interrupted that finale sequence so they never used it. I think it works perfectly here, it’s so cute.

The first time watching, I felt the pacing was so odd in the film, with some abrupt transitions that didn’t quite work. I felt that less so the second time, maybe just because I was expecting it, and sometimes I actually liked the sudden change. I also don’t fully understand the shuffling of scenes at the beginning. The animated film goes (1) “Belle,” (2) Belle and Maurice at home, (3) Maurice leaves for the fair, (4) Maurice arrives in the castle, (5) Gaston proposes, (6) “Belle (Reprise),” (7) Philippe comes back and tells Belle to the castle. The movie rearrange this so almost all of the village scenes happen together, reordering that sequence as 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 4, 7. Because of this we end up going from Maurice’s whole scene in the castle, back to the village for about thirty seconds with Philippe and Belle, then right back to the castle again. This made the whole sequence of events feel rushed even though each moment was given about the same amount of time, or more, as the original film. Additionally, I felt some of the filming choices from a cinematography point of view were weird. There were several times that we were zoomed in on a character, usually Belle or Gaston in the village, and it felt like the shot was kept tight to hide something but then there wasn’t anything to hide… it’s a hard thing to articulate, but I definitely noticed it through both viewings.

The design of this movie is amazing. Breathtaking. Thousands of beautiful costumes and such detail – human Cogsworth’s buttons have the Roman numeral numbers on them! Not to mention the object designs. Lumiere’s candlestick form is clearly inspired by the Broadway production, which was an absolutely brilliant choice. Garderobe’s wardrobe form is A THEATRE, it has box seats and a stage with curtains as her mouth piece! Even the villagers are designed with such care, memorable and reminiscent of the original in many places – the man with the scissors and the guy with the mustache, the Baker is very similar to his animated design… I would have liked to have seen blonde silly girls to contrast them more distinctly with Belle, but they are what they are. The set design, from the village to the absolutely incredible castle, it’s all so, so good. I love the little flowers painted on the doorway to Maurice’s cottage and I loved the magnificent, baroque-meets-gothic design of an extremely unique castle. I know people are up in arms about the yellow dress, I know it’s not perfect, but it doesn’t stick out so horribly in the movie and it moves so beautifully in the ballroom scene. And honestly, I’ve never cared about the yellow dress, the blue dress is the one I’ve always loved and I just think the live action interpretation is glorious. It does not feel like a costume, it feels worn-in, it feels natural, like it’s just Belle’s favorite dress, and I just love it so much.

Speaking of detail, they named the village. And they named it Villeneuve. As in Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve, the original author of the fairy tale. Come on. That’s fantastic.

Let’s see, some of my other favorite moments that jumped out at me that I wanted to mention… the whole “Gaston” scene in the tavern is awesome, maybe my favorite scene besides the finale sequence. I love that Lefou is going around paying everyone off to boost Gaston’s ego, I love the dance, I love the use of Tom, Dick, and Stanley as cronies throughout the entire movie, I love lifting the young woman and then lifting Lefou, the whole song is fun and funny and exciting and the new lyrics are just amazing - “Then I shoot from behind!” “Is that fair?” “I don’t care!” …That’s exactly what’s going to happen in the final battle. Ugh. So good.

The moment in “Something There” where the Beast moves to Belle’s end of the table, she puts down her spoon, and they both sip their soup out of the bowl… that hit me in a way the animated movie never has before. It’s amazing symbolism. He can’t eat with the spoon, she’s not going to lap it up like an animal, so they find a way they can both eat the same way. They’re meeting each other halfway. That’s some good stuff right there.

OH, and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned “Be Our Guest!” Come on. They went hard with that. They put on a full Broadway production on the table in front of Belle! The way it just kept growing bigger and bigger was delightful. Plus I love that the grey stuff is designed after Be Our Guest Restaurant’s grey stuff, complete with the silver and grey chocolate caviar beads.

Replacing the animated film’s bookstore, which never really made sense in a town of people who think reading makes someone weird, with a small shelf holding a dozen old and worn books that Belle has read over and over is just such a wonderful touch. I love that Belle’s favorite play is Romeo and Juliet because she’s barely read anything else and I love that the Beast’s reaction is to roll his eyes at her selection. I would have liked to have seen the giving of the library be a little more deliberate and a little less off the cuff, and I definitely missed the “promises you don’t intend to keep” line, but I’m so satisfied with the choice to make the Beast a reader. Having “a very expensive education” totally makes sense, and what else would he have had to do with all that time? They each develop the other’s literary taste! What’s better in a relationship than that?

The new songs are lovely as well. “How Can A Moment Last Forever?” is so much better than “No Matter What,” I wish it could logically fit into the musical instead because it’s really, really good. “Days in the Sun” is so sweet, it’s nice to have those moments with the young prince and each of the objects and even Belle, and honestly I can’t stand “Human Again” so I’m good with this one, plus the lyrical nod to “A Change in Me” is nice. But “Evermore” is clearly stealing the show as far as the new songs are concerned. What a great song. I still think they could have done a little tweaking to the lyrics in order to still use “If I Can’t Love Her” but if we’re going to write a new song for the Beast, I’ll take this one. (But can we not digitally lower Dan Stevens’s voice next time? It sounds like a computer singing at some points.) I also loved all of the new/old lyrics that were incorporated into the songs we were familiar with. They felt fresh without being forced. The new “Gaston” lyrics are definitely my favorite, but the new lyrics that Mrs. Potts sings in the finale are touching. Plus, using the Broadway songs as underscoring was really nice, especially “Home.”

I’m just so delighted with this movie. Everything from the original is there but now there’s more. The stove is there. The coat rack is there. The footstool is there. They just paid so much attention to detail and did this movie the justice it deserved. I’m already prepared to call this my favorite movie. Easily. By miles. It’s beautiful and just absolutely everything I was hoping it would be.