Soy lo que dejaron, soy toda la sobra de lo que se robaron. Un pueblo escondido en la cima, mi piel es de cuero por eso aguanta cualquier clima.
Soy una fábrica de humo, mano de obra campesina para tu consumo, frente de frío en el medio del verano, el amor en los tiempos del cólera, mi hermano. El sol que nace y el día que muere con los mejores atardeceres.
Soy el desarrollo en carne viva,
un discurso político sin saliva. Las caras más bonitas que he conocido, soy la fotografía de un desaparecido.
Soy la sangre dentro de tus venas, soy un pedazo de tierra que vale la pena.
Soy una canasta con frijoles, soy Maradona contra Inglaterra anotándote dos goles.
Soy lo que sostiene mi bandera, la espina dorsal del planeta es mi cordillera.
Soy lo que me enseño mi padre, el que no quiere a su patria no quiere a su madre.
Reaction of the Captains discovering their S/O had been tattooed in secret
Shunsui Kyoraku: At first, he’s startled and hesitated to mention the subject. But, with time, he became proud being the only one to see it. From time to time, he loves stroking the tattooed area.
Soi Fong: She enjoys the idea so much that she would like to do one too. Even if she seems a bit cold and harsh, she’s quite romantic when it comes to mach up something with her S/O.
Rojuro Otoribashi: He used to be against but his life in human living world opened his mind. He wouldn’t mind tattoo if it’s appropriate for his S/O. He’ll have a fetish in musical tattoo (keys, scores…).
Unohana Retsu: She doesn’t expect it so she disagree the fact that her S/O tattooed. She warns them she wants to be aware if they provide something (with her creepy smile, you know what I mean…)
Shinji Hirako: He’s a little bit surprised. He knew that his S/O loves tattoos but he didn’t expect them to do without telling. However he finds it sexy and asks them not to tell him if they do another one. He likes presents.
Byakuya Kuchiki: He’s clearly shocked. He thought that his S/O is some innocent fluffy baby bunny. He doesn’t wait to tell her that he’s against this and he doesn’t them to do it again. But he won’t ask them to erase it… Know that he will secretly love to see it during the do.
Komamura Sajin: Untattooed, full tattooed, just one… He won’t mind at all. He loves his S/O for who they are, not what covered their body. Even if the natural, simplicity is well enough.
Kensei Muguruma: He couldn’t disagree the tattoo, knowing that he’s their model. He asks where, how many, if it hurt… He takes the habit to lick it every time he can. He is one to encourage her to tattoo more and even pierce.
Toshiro Hitsugaya: He isn’t one to care for long. He’ll be honest if he likes it or not but won’t encourage to tattoo too much. He would prefer them to be natural with just a bit of fantasy.
Zaraki Kenpachi: Discovering the tattoo, he bursts out laughing. Then he’ll calm down and ask them to show it closer, saying that it’s cool. He loves them not to cover their tattoo and show it to everyone. He feels proud that they look as badass as him.
Mayuri Kurotsuchi: He’s mad. For two reasons. First, he doesn’t have any attraction for the human’s things; he doesn’t understand why they did this. The second reason it’s that IT’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. He wish he could do something that beautiful for (and on) her. In secret he’ll research on it, wanting to experiment tattoo session on his S/O.
Jushiro Ukitake: He will freeze. Depending on what the tattoo is, he will accept it or not (like bird, flowers, some discreet and girly for girls / not too much manly for men). However he’ll forever more treasure an untattooed skin.
American Ninja Warrior (the version which I am familiar with) is a show on which contestants try to make their way through a physically challenging course as fast as possible. Most people fail. But the crowd and the announcers cheer them on, and it’s quite frankly a happy show. But what if the members of the Gotei-13 decided to try their hands at a Soul Society version of it? How would each of them do?
Normally Matt Iseman and Akbar Gbaja-Biamila are the hosts of this show, but since it’s the Gotei-13 version, we’re gonna let Ikkaku and Iba do the honors!
Iba: True to form, HIRAKO SHINJI, the backwards ninja, is trying to do the whole course backwards! He’s off on the flying steps and -
Iba: -and into the water he goes!
Ikkaku: Wow! That was not a good plan!
Iba: Looks like he went butt-first into disaster!
Iba: This show is all about the puns.
Ikkaku: After breezing through the first five obstacles, Isane has made it to the warped wall!
Iba: This is a hard one for many contestants, especially since we outlawed flying.
Ikkaku: She’s running for it and - she made it! She made it!
Iba: Her height allowed her to easily grasp the top of the wall!
Ikkaku: Maybe, for the first time, she’ll be glad that she’s so tall.
Iba: This game is so good for people!
Ikkaku: I’ve been waiting for this one, Iba.
Ikkaku: The paragon of strength and violence - Zaraki Kenpachi, Captain of Squad 11!
Ikkaku: He’s approaching the course and he -
Ikkaku: He appears to be walking directly through the water.
Ikkaku: H-he just smashed the rolling thunder log to pieces!
Ikkaku: Did anybody tell him the rules??
Ikkaku: CAPTAIN NO
Iba: And now it’s time for MY captain!
Iba: With his size and weight, it may be difficult for him to -
Ikkaku: Iba, look! He bounds across the floating steps with nimbleness and grace!
Iba: Yes! Perhaps he can do this!
Iba: Or perhaps he will be too heavy and pull the rolling thunder log directly into the water.
Iba: Poor captain!
Iba: YOU DID AMAZING
Ikkaku: Competing through special invitation, Ichigo has fallen on Bungee Road, leaving the crowd in shock! He’s now standing with Matsumoto - let’s see what he has to say!
Matsumoto: Ichigo! You didn’t quite complete the course - what happened?
Ichigo: It’s cool. I can never actually do anything until I fail a bunch of times first. Didn’t risk my life this time, unfortunately, which makes leveling up harder.
Ichigo: But I bet if I fail harder next time, I’ll gain the powers I need to complete the course!
Matsumoto: You, uh, know you only get one shot right?
Ikkaku: Such an impressive run from the Squad 6 captain!
Iba: He was definitely going for speed.
Iba: Running the entire course with no pause and no mistakes, he has nabbed the top spot with the course’s fastest time!
Ikkaku: He is definitely the one to beat now!
Ikkaku: HOLY FUCK SHE JUST DEMOLISHED BYAKUYA’S TIME
Iba: I COULD BARELY SEE HER SHE WAS A BLUR - AND THIS WAS WITHOUT FLASH STEP
Ikkaku: Man, Yorucichi is incredible!
Iba: That HAS to be a new record, Ikkaku!
Ikkaku: I’m on the ear piece with the producers and yes! Yes it IS a record!
Ikkaku: Fainting before the first obstacle and rolling into the water is the fastest anyone has ever failed!
Iba: Let’s hear it for the Squad 13 captain!
Ikkaku: As sad as I am that Renji did not quite make it through the course, I have to say - kneeling on the ground in front of the Warped Wall and yelling at the heavens? Very dramatic.
Iba: Certainly a moment to replay after the break!
Iba: That was - wow! One of the few to actually complete the course this evening, even Hanataro looks shocked by his own success!
Iba: He’s standing by with Matsumoto!
Matsumoto: Hana, you did it! What got you through the course?
Hanataro: Well, uh, it was basically what I do every day.
Hanataro: Floating steps are like when you gave to jump through floating debris in the sewer. Bungee row is like when the old ladder collapses underneath you and you gave to hang on for dear life for hours. That sort of thing.
Matsumoto: So your terrible life allowed you to do well on Ninja Warrior?
Hanataro: I guess? [gives sad thumbs up sign]
Ikkaku: Well, Iba, looks like Squad 4 is useful after all!
Iba: So close! But the diminutive Squad 10 captain can’t seem to quite make it over the Warped Wall!
Ikkaku: Being so short does make it incredibly difficult!
Iba: He’s made two attempts already. You can tell how tired he his from his heavy breathing and his….sword?
Iba: Wait a second, is he taller?
Ikkaku: BANKAI IS NOT ALLOWED
Ikkaku: Such style! Such grace!
Iba: Squad 3 Captain Rose Otoribashi definitely knows how to work the crowd!
Ikkaku: Striking poses after each obstacle - very classy!
Iba: Aaaaand he falls on the Salmon Ladder!
Iba: But, like, what a graceful fall!
Ikkaku: We will miss him!
13. Soi Fon
Iba: That was an incredible run, Ikkaku!
Ikkaku: Yes! Soi Fon’s incredible speed, strength, and agility allowed her to almost make that difficult course look easy!
Iba: She’s with Matsumoto now!
Matsumoto: Soi Fon, what do you have to say about your fantastic run?
Soi Fon: Utter failure.
Soi Fon: I should have been able to beat Yoruichi-sama’s time.
Matsumoto: But you are the second fastest! That means you even beat Byakuya!
Soi Fon: So what? Anyone can do that.
Byakuya: EXCUSE ME
Iba: The oldest competitor to ever compete on any version of this course ever, Head Captain Yamamoto is stepping up to the start of the course!
Ikkaku: And he’s - is he? - yes, he is taking off his shirt!
Iba: The crowd goes wild at the sight of the very unexpected rippling muscles!
Ikkaku: He’s breezing through the course! Look at him go!
Iba: Not as fast as some of our contestants, but he moves with such incredible purpose!
Ikkaku: He’s at the buzzer! He’s done it!
Iba: Ikkaku wait - he has a sign!
Iba: “That is how you do it, underlings.”
Ikkaku: That’s our head captain, for you!
Iba: The crowd is still in shock!
Iba: For Aizen to not only fail, but also fail on the first obstacle? Unbelievable!
Ikkaku: And such a dramatic failure, too.
Ikkaku: He basically swan-dived into the water.
Ikkaku: Very dramatic and very -
Ikkaku: Wait a second! Aizen is at the buzzer! The failure was just an illusion!