I sat in my bedroom staring at my poorly painted cream walls. Posters slouching among it while the once twinkling lights stand still nailed to the higher area of the cream barrier. My mind is racing with all the awful thoughts I have filled my self with.
You see I have “severe depression” or at least thats what I was diagnosed with. I’m on all sorts of medication and countless days of therapy. Even though I put on a cheerful front, when I am a lone I feel as if I am dead inside. Just a waste of space.
Finallymy thoughts take over my emotions and tears start to slowly fall down my cheeks until they increase their pace and stream down my red puffy face. I burry my head in my hands wanting this all to end. I scratch down my face probably cutting weak areas of skin and pick my self up off the floor dragging me towards my bathroom down the hall.
On my way I stop and look at family pictures and notes of inspiration my mom puts around to cheer me up. I stop at the photo of me and my sister. I stare deeply into the photo analyzing this happy moment. I want to go back to this so badly but my brain won’t allow me. What happened to the little joyful six year old girl that would cartwheel in blue dresses and play softball with all her closets friends?
I can’t stand to look at the picture any more I take off running down the bright hallway and pivot into my final destination. I shakily open the bathroom door and go straight to the hidden area of the window pane where I keep my sleep medication and my razors.
Each one a different size for the days I am feeling. I grab the largest one that has only been used four times. Two suicide attempts and two hateful pleas to my thighs. I pop the cap off the bottle and throw it to the side. I poor more than half the full bottle into my palm and hold the razor in the other.
I look in the mirror seeing my glazed eyes and hurtful expression. “It’s for the best.” I whisper not taking my eyes away from the mascara dried under the line of my eyes.
I sit in the dried bathtub and press the razor against my skin guiding it ever so easily. I watch as the blood runs down my thighs and arms,the euphoric rush overcomes me, making me not be able to see straight. I pop eight pills and go to make another cut this time on the arm where the largest scar lies. I trace right over the scar with the tip of the razor about to make a large dent when I hear a voice crack.
“Y/N.” Sam Wilkinson, my best friend cries out. “W-What are you doing?” He says walking closer to you but stopping when you scream out.
“NO SAM. DON’T COME NEAR ME.” I start to sob shaking violently squeezing the blade into my hand with anger and sadness feeling it pierce my skin but I’m too phased by Sam to even notice.
“Stop. You can’t leave me. I need you.” He says dropping to his knees by the bath tub trying to coax me. “You are so much better than this, no matter what you think. It’s not real, what you are thinking. You are beautiful and smart, caring and by god the best cartwheeler I have ever seen.” Sam says cracking a soft smile causing me to stare blankly.
“No. Sam, this is what needs to happen.” I whisper before throwing the rest of the pills into my mouth, trying to swallow as many as I can.
Sam grabs my body and flips me over hiting my back and holding my hair attempting to get me to spit out the spills. He grabs my mouth and forces it open before forcing me to throw up. He picks me up out of the tub and places me on the counter rushing to get the first aid kit. He wraps my arm and cleans the cuts before sweeping me up and rushing me to his car.
Sam decided to take me to the hospital since I was still bleeding and becoming more and more woozy. He rushes into the hospital me dangling in his arms. Doctors put me on a bed and rush me to some room to check my system for any more pills and to stitch my arm and thigh.
I wake up to find its dark out side with an IV in my arm, Immediately start to jolt until I feel a strong pair of hands push me down.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Sam says caressing my face.
“I’m sorry.” I mumble not knowing what else to say.
“Why?” He cries out wiping tears that are spilling out of his eyes.
“Why what?” I say trying to stall from answering his question.
“Why would you try to kill your self?” He says sitting on your bed taking your dainty hand into his.
“I dont deserve to live.” I say looking away not meeting his gaze.
“Yes you do. I don’t understand why you can’t see that, you are so amazingly perfect. Your mind just tricks you into thinking you are not. You are my everything Y/N why can’t you see that?” He says his grip on my hand tightening then relaxing.
“I don’t know.” I whisper looking down and my hospital gown.
“I’m going to help you see that.” He says lifting your chin so you will finally look him in the eyes.
Sam took you to his place since your family was out of town and they couldn’t come back since they were working on some charity project in a third world country. They agreed to let Sam take care of you until they got home since this is not the first time and they knew you would be in the best hands with Sam.
He cleaned out the spare room for you to stay in and he would lay on the bed with you until you fell asleep rubbing your back overnight. He kept an eye on you everywhere you went and everything you did.
He took you out to softball games where your friends were playing which brought a smile to your face. You woke up the morning after to a softball bat and glove. He helped you get back into the spirit of the game.
He bought you a flowy blue dress where he took you out to your favorite restaurant and after you did cartwheels in the park even though it was dark and you kept hitting each other causing you to laugh uncontrollably.
He drove you to your old boarded up lake cabin and kicked through the make shift barrier so you could be at your favorite place. You lied on the dock and counted the brightest stars and snuggled into his chest where he asked you to be his girlfriend. You agreed.
You were starting to see the happiness in your eyes again that you did years ago. You no longer were hurt when you looked into the mirror, you had confidence.
2 years later Sam took you to your old house with the green grass that rolled a long the back yard where you met him the first time and he could never do a cartwheel. He proposed you said yes.
You married that spring, on the dock of your very first kiss and him asking you to be his girlfriend with all your friends and family watching and cheering. You honeymooned in Jamaica where he started to sing reggae.
You had a daughter the next year and named her Meredith Lynn. She is beautiful.
many rucas shippers are losing faith in rucas being endgame but honestly, i feel like we all forgot about all the rucas moments and how there is still so much more potential to their relationship. here is a list of #rucas moments and how their relationship isn’t bland but instead an innocent crush blossoming into a great friendship + adorkable relationship. by the way, this only covers season one and this is a hella long post: