sofia s

the other boleyn girl would’ve been really good if it had just sustained that self-consciously dumb fun soap opera-y tone right from the very beginning but halfway through they decided they were making a serious period drama … actually this is exactly why sofia coppola’s marie antoinette is such a good movie 

I have a lot of feelings about Atomic Blonde

I thought the movie was great. Good fun. Charlize Theron did an excellent job and all I could think of while I was watching was ‘damn, she did her own stunts’.

Now if you’re one of the people who heard about the fate of Sofia Boutella’s character and would like to know more, you can read about it under the cut.

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TAGATHA HEADCANONS? TAGATHA HEADCANONS

-after all this time, they still don’t have proper nicknames for each other, but along the way they just watched the other do a stupid thing and named that person that stupid thing for a week or so (“TOLIET-CLOGGER TIME FOR DINNER” “THE KING OF CAMELOT DOES NOT RESPOND TO RIDICULOUS NICKNAMES THAT ARE UNWORTHY OF MY TASTE” “YOU JUST RESPONDED TOLIET-CLOGGER” “BULLOCKS”)

-tedros is the romantic one, giving agatha tulips and other flowers that she likes and giving her 120+ cakes of her choice every week. but between the two of them, agatha is the sentimental one that always remembers the things tedros loves and cherishes (like how she gave him a golden-haired puppy at the end of valentine’s day or how she always gives tedros merlin’s hot chocolate that he loves whenever he has a bad day)

-who’s the more jealous one? obviously agatha (3rd book is proof) whenever she and tedros go for a walk in their kingdom, there’s some girls giving him flirty looks and agatha sees these and gives them all her famous “graveyard agatha glare” and they scramble. throughout all this, tedros just laughs silently and tugs her closer by the waist (but throughout the years, agatha looked more regal and more beautiful and this one time, a few village boys flirted with agatha and when tedros saw hE EXPLODED WITH JEALOUSY AND ANGER AND ALMOST STABBED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BOYS WITH HIS SWORD BUT AGATHA STOPPED HIM IN TIME LAUGHING THE ENTIRE TIME)

-tedros, the impulsive one; agatha, the logical one (tedros would always jump straight into battle with agatha yelling after him the pros and cons of the situation and when it’s all over and tedros gets injured, agatha fixes the wound and says “i told you so”)

-tedros gives agatha more kisses than she does to him (nECK KISSES ARE AGATHA’S WEAKNESS) (EAR NIPS ARE TEDROS)

-the royal advisors wanted to teach agatha to dance for balls and galas and for the next few days, she fainted each and every time (SHE DOESN’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT) but once tedros tried to teach her, she managed to stay conscious the whole time

-TEDROS ALWAYS USES ALL THE HOT WATER AND AGATHA ALWAYS COMPLAINS HOW INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH HE IS WITH WATER AND TEDROS JUST RESPONDS WITH “maybe next time, you could join me in my baths so you won’t complain so much anymore and actually enjoy bath time”

-AGATHA IS SURPRISINGLY THE FESTIVE ONE OUT OF THE BOTH OF THEM (SHE ALWAYS PLACES MISTLETOES WHEREVER SHE CAN WITHOUT ANYBODY LOOKING AND SHE ALWAYS STARTS THE SNOWBALLS FIGHTS WITH EVERYBODY—THE SERVANTS, HER SUBJECTS, TEDROS)

-the one who snores the loudest: OBVIOUSLY TEDROS MAN LIKE HE’S BEING DESCRIBED AS A WARM BEAR THAT RADIANTS SUNSHINE AND COMFORT OF COURSE HE SNORES THE LOUDEST

-who slams the oven door and who plays the trombone: agatha plays, tedros slams

-whenever tagatha is alone with merlin, they get really REALLY uncomfortable because merlin always tells them his own headcanons of their interesting child or children (BECAUSE HE JUST SHIPS THEM THAT FREAKING HARD MAN) (PLUS WE ALL KNOW THAT THEY’RE GONNA HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD GUYS LIKE HONESTLY HAVE YOU SEEN THE FANART ????)

-agatha loves roaming around the royal gardens and sometimes when tedros has time from his royal duties, they play hide-or-seek or chase each other around in the hedge maze or just make out in the flowers ;))

-whenever agatha gets really close to tedros, he always smells SO FREAKING GOOD SO SHE CAN’T HELP BUT KISS HIM WHEREVER THEY ARE HAHAHAHAHHAA

-tedros says “i’m too hot” agatha says “hot da—not”

-when tedros and agatha decide to sleep together (JUST SLEEP) reaper always comes at midnight and sleeps on tedros face (agatha keeps count of how many times reaper has done this) (so far it’s 26 times that reaper slept on tedros’ face and it’s 34 times that tedros woke up screaming with his hand to his face, due to some false alarms) (agatha cackles every time)

-tagatha sharing beverages together at their thrones with their fabulous sunglasses on (they even do that cute couple thing where they share a drink and have different colored straws to drink out of) (when agatha doesn’t look, tedros takes a drink out of her straw) (agatha knows but she doesn’t say anything about it)

-tagatha cuddling and reading and giggling and laughing together in the alcoves in the library

-tagatha dancing together — in formal clothing or pajamas :))

-tagatha

so i’m thinking about the backlash to atomic blonde, and how some folks are saying, “uh, it’s a violent movie; sure, the lesbian dies, but so does just about every other character.”

and like. okay. let’s engage seriously with this argument for just a second.

i’m willing to bet that most of the other characters who die in this movie aren’t strangled to death with cable wire while lying in bed wearing sexy lingerie. sofia boutella’s north african lesbian character isn’t just one more dead person on the pile; she’s the subject of a murder scene that is meant to look titillating and erotic. this is a sexualized murder, ostensibly to raise the emotional stakes for charlize theron’s character, but… actually to pander to the worst, most violent impulses of straight men in the audience.

i’m thinking of another, similar storyline in another, similar movie: baby driver. of the main characters, only the title character and his girlfriend debora make it out alive. the other woman in the main cast, a bank robber named darling, dies in the final act of the movie, and her death motivates her boyfriend to go on a bloody quest for revenge. thematically similar to the atomic blonde storyline. the difference here is that darling dies stepping out of her car in a trench coat, wielding double machine guns, and firing stone-faced into a fray of cops.

i’m not suggesting there’s anything revolutionary about violently killing women onscreen - and there’s the whole layer of how the innocent white girl survives the film while the latina bank robber dies - but like… darling gets a hero’s death, a big, stunt-y guns-and-explosions scene similar to the spectacular, violent blow-outs given to jon hamm and kevin spacey’s characters. she dies tough and strong and dangerous, not lying on her back as a man chokes her out and the camera pans over her lingerie.

if this really was an “everyone dies” movie, it was probably possible for sofia boutella’s character to go out in a blaze of glory, performing some final act of valour. but the screenwriters weren’t creative enough to think of one; they really just wanted to eroticize the murder of a lesbian woman of colour, which is something that puts a real group of real marginalized people in real danger.

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25 years ago today.
May 9, 1992.

anyway before atomic blonde was released white wlw had no problem uncritically fetishizing sofia’s character to the point that some of the most popular posts in her tag depict her as a literal fucking object, but now that her character is dead y'all are claiming it as an attack on you specifically? her death isn’t abt lesbophobia. her death is about white people getting off to brutal violence against women of colour. you can’t fetishize her and then strip her of her race so that u can all reblog the same three whitewashed posts about “how sad it is that another lesbian character died :( #byg” like shut the fuck up just bc ur gay and she’s gay doesn’t mean it’s about u. this movie was made for whites y'all can take the rest of ur cigarette smoking whiskey drinking white sister looking twig girlfriends and go spread ur “not all whites r oppressors :/” rhetoric somewhere else

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P&S Watch: Disney Descendants (2015)

Ever wonder what would happen if the children of famous Disney Heroes invited the children of famous Disney Villains to attend their prep school? Well, even if you didn’t, Disney made it happen two years ago! And we suffered through it for you, the people. 

Relive the painful memories just in time for the sequel!

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I have a theory about Jonah Beck

Okay so this randomly came to me when i was reading @jonahbex RANT and now i just have to say it. So A lot of people talk about Jonah having a bad home life. There’s a study that shows that children date peoole that remind them of there parents, it’s like a subconscious thing, they feel like this human is the person they should date and love cause they love there parents. I think Jonah only dated Amber because she reminds him of his parents. I think Jonah parents are abusive. Also theres like one episode left of Andi Mack I have no hope for the Cyrus gay plot I guess Disney hasnt gotten to that yet, but on the bright side, it shows little boys out there that they can be ‘feminine’ and its okay. So yeah idk please tell me what you guys think.

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