Boyfriend's Hysterectomy (Short Version)

1. The recovery for this is actually more intense than top surgery. 
This shocked me, I’m not sure why - I mean, this is technically more invasive. Top is so OBVIOUS that I think I have not been really mentally prepping to support Boyfriend through this surgery. 

2. Gravol. 
If you’re travelling to and from the hospital, be ready for carsickness - we were told by the nurses that Gravol was safe to mix with the meds he was on. It can help him with travel sickness and falling asleep. 

3. Be nice to nurses. 
They work for twelve hours at a time. It is worth being nice to them. Plus, surgeons are not really around longterm - they do their job and leave. Nurses stick around. Nurses dispense pain meds. 

4. Buy more parking. Always buy the most parking. 
Just bank on needing more time than you think you will. It’s like buying bulk, and hospital time runs differently than normal time. 90% of the time EVERYTHING takes two hours more than you think it will (at least). 

5. Be ready for any weather. 
If you’re travelling for the surgery, pack an outfit for any weather you THINK could happen. It was freakishly hot where we were, which none of us were expecting. 

6. Use pillows.
Boyfriend used lots of pillows to prop himself up and ALSO (this is key) he put one between him and the seat belt on our way home (a tip he got from someone on Tumblr - whoever you are, you’re a GENIUS).  

7. Be ready for the mental side. 
He wasn’t able to bind but was still around a lot of people, which made him feel kind of shitty. Also, some people did misgender him, which is ALWAYS rough. 

8. Lots of little snacks. 
He didn’t really want to eat for a while after the surgery, but I impulse bought some almonds that seemed to go over well. A couple hours later (late afternoon the day after the surgery) we demolished some chicken fingers and fries together. 

9. Bring things to keep you entertained
I made the mistake of not bringing my mondo-purse with my book in it when we went to go see him right after the surgery - and there was an unexpected delay that resulted in us waiting around at the hospital for almost three hours. 

This is all I can think of right now, but I may add to this later on. 

Sex with trans* people: A short guide for their cis partners

Ultimately, sex with trans people follows the same basic guidelines as sex with anyone:

  • Always have consent

  • Be considerate of your partner(s).

People seem to treat trans people specifically as if there’s something inherently different about them. The porn industry treats them as things to be fetishized. Bigots treat them as liars, particularly trans women. Ordinary people display stunning amounts of transphobia without even thinking about it, especially when it comes to trans people’s sex lives. They deserve so. much. better. from their partners. Don’t “other” the people you sleep with.

That said, it’s worth keeping in mind that everyone has different wants and needs when it comes to sex. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all guide. However, as a general rule, there are things that are worth keeping in mind when your partner is trans.

  1. Body issues of any kind can make sex tricky. If your partner deals with them, make an extra effort to be considerate. Ask before you touch. Use kind words. And, as in any sex situation, do not push their no.

  2. Ask your partner how they’d like you to refer to their genitals. For example, some trans women don’t seem to have any problem with “penis”. An alternative I’ve heard used is “trans clit”, although “clit” would probably be better during sex. After all, the clitoris is analogous to the penis, and they’re more closely related than they are different.

  3. Some trans people prefer not to engage genitals at all during sex. Get creative with your sex life.

  4. Recognize that your body may trigger dysphoria in them. Don’t take it personally, and, as always, be considerate.

  5. Remember that even though sometime, trans people have issues with sex that cis people might not have, sex with a trans person is not inherently more complicated (or, God forbid, more illicit or exotic) than sex with anyone else. Literally everyone brings some kind of baggage to bed with them. To be a good partner, be considerate. So many sources would tell you that there’s so much to being the ideal partner, but to be the ideal partner to the person you’re with, just be respectful. Ask questions, and actually listen to their answers. Ask permission, and be prepared to accept “no” for an answer. Don’t objectify your partner. They’re a person, not a puzzle or a plaything.

People deserve respect on the streets, in the sheets, and everywhere in-between. And trans people are people. Your trans partner is a person. So many people don’t want to treat them that way; they deserve better from us.


anonymous asked:

Do you know of any resources I could show to my boyfriend about dating a transguy? He really does mean well, but sometimes he can be transphobic without intending to, and frankly a bit rude. Sometimes he crosses boundaries I have about my body and I don't know how to tell him that I'm not okay with some things. I love him, but I think he needs to be educated before we go any further with our relationship. Thanks!

Zak: There are a lot of resources for partners of trans guys, but most are geared toward female partners. Some blogs are A Guide to Your FTM Boyfriend, A Trans Man’s Partner, Partners of FTM People, Southeast SOFFA, and Soffa Support (my wife’s blog). While I don’t think they make any new videos, TMatesFTM is a Youtube collab channel with videos from many different partners of trans guys on a variety of topics. There’s also this gem about Gay Sex with Transgender Men that may or may not be useful to share with your boyfriend. As for general resources to share with him about being trans, this might be helpful (haven’t read it all the way through, but took a glance and it seemed like a good, pretty basic resource). If you pick through our booklist and resources you might also be able to find some good things to recommend to him. Having him read a firsthand account of someone’s transition, for instance, like Just Add Hormones, might help him better understand what you’re going through. Transgender 101 might also be a good book for him if he really needs a lot of basic information. 

The unique needs of Trans partners and why it's ok to have them - PART TWO OF TWO

As partners of trans individuals, we are in a mostly happy, loving relationships (or at least that is what I wish for all of you partners!) which come with a unique set of situations/rules/structural boundaries … I have no idea what to call it, but we come with some unique stuff.  You as a partner take on the role of not only lover, but you have the option to become a social advocate, your sexual label may change to you and/or the rest of the world, you become an educator and a medical caretaker and a therapist.  To a certain extent, it’s part of any relationship be it homosexual, heterosexual, or ____sexual (the ___ meaning any place on the beautiful non binary spectrum).  But with a trans partnership where you are pursuing hormone therapy, facing problems with family or friends as they transition, and pursuing gender reassignment surgeries definitely brings up unique needs.  

I said this in a previous post, but to paraphrase a very wise woman, YOU as a partner are allowed to feel just as supported and feel as understood as you trans partner.  You are both going through this transition, now take a look at what you need to make yourself whole and happy, your partner certainly is.  Go on that beautiful journey of self fulfillment together, and that means taking care of yourself and your needs.  

My needs?  Well I need ice cream and enough sleep and other than that I’m pretty much ok.  But, to get very personal for a moment, I’m going to share with you my journey to my needs, and what a worthwhile trip it was to the relationship that I know is forever. 

Travel back with me in the way back machine to December 2011…..

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Swedish household words

Thought I’d make a vocab list, checked for what I could do, decided on household items :) In ( ) is definite form singular. Here we go.

(The) Room-Rum(met)

(The) Kitchen-Kök(et)
(The) Living room-Vardagsrum(met)
(The) Hallway-Hall(en)
(The) Bedroom-Sovrum(met)
(The) Study-Arbetsrum(met)
(The) Bathroom-Badrum(met)
(The) Toilet-Toalett(en)/Toa(n)

(The) Furniture-Möbler(Möbeln)

(The) Table-Bord(et)
(The) Desk-Skrivbord(et)
(The) Couch/Sofa-Soffa(n)
(The) Rug-Matta(n)
(The) Lamp-Lampa(n)
(The) Cabinet-Skåp(et)
(The) Mirror-Spegel(n)
(The) Vacuum-Dammsugare(n)
(The) Bed-Säng(en)
(The) Shower-Dusch(en)

(The) House-Hus(et)

(The) Roof-Tak(et)
(The) Wall-Vägg(en)
(The) Floor-Golv(et)

(The) Kitchen items-Köksartiklar(na) (<-plural. Sing. is köksartikel(n))

(The) Microwave-Mikro(n)/Mikrovågsugn(en)
(The) Fridge-Kylskåp(et)
(The) Freezer-Frys(en)
(The) Dishwasher-Diskmaskin(en)
(The) Stove-Spis(en)
(The) Frying pan-Stekpanna(n)
(The) Saucepan/Skillet-Kastrull(en)
(The) Plate-Tallrik(en)
(The) Fork-Gaffel(n)
(The) Knife-Kniv(en)
(The) Spoon-Sked(en)
(The) Bowl-Skål(en)
(The) Glass-Glas(et)
(The) Jar-Burk(en)
(The) Bottle-Flaska(n)
(The) Cutting board-Skärbräda(n)

That’ll do for now :) let me know if you have any questions or suggestions etc.

Post-Op Recovery - A Guide for Those in The Waiting Room

Supporting recovery, any kind of recovery, is a skill that all people should try to develop. As a transperson who’s opting for surgery, we often see these skills played out by others in our lives, benefiting from them, being nurtured by them. We all have our preferences for receiving support, but how often do we consider how we support others? The likelihood that we will find our own feet firmly planted in the waiting room, rather than on the operating table is quite large. How do we then provide the best support structures for our loved ones?

Adrian has spent time at the home of a friend in Florida, attempting to support him through his top-surgery recovery with Dr. Garramone. This experience has highlighted the fact that Adrian has really only considered support after surgery as a tangible good that he received and continues to receive after his multiple surgeries, never framing it as something that he should also give.

Oftentimes as transfolk, our own personal transitions take stage front and center, but there may be a time when we have to put our transitional histories and future trajectories on the back burner to provide space for the necessary support that other transfolks around us need. This is that guide.

How to Support Recovery as a Friend/Family Member/Partner:

1) Be adaptable - be able to cater to specific needs that are often unpredictable and in a state of flux.

2) Be honest about expectations - sometimes it is difficult or awkward to suddenly become a caregiver when you had previously only been a friend. Talk to the person who needs support about what they expect from you, and what both of your boundaries are.

3) Be present - oftentimes gender-confirming surgery recoveries beg for a lot of attention, affirmation, and reassurance. Be available, ready, and willing to offer this up. 

4) Do Not Make It About You - be cognizant of how much attention you are using up, don’t steal the show. If you’ve had the particular surgery your friend is currently having, don’t dominate discussion about your experience unless it is absolutely relevant or you are specifically asked about it. If you are planning to have the surgery your friend is currently having, don’t gush with jealousy or somehow make your friend feel bad or guilty about having the surgery before you. Let your friend have this moment, it is their moment.

5) Be ready to participate in touchy-feely moments - You may be needed to scratch and itch that’s hard to reach, you may be needed to wash their hair or scrub other parts that you previously had never touched. These oftentimes intimate moments can be awkward, try to make them less-so. 

6) Be ready to cook and clean up for your post-op transperson. Cook them things that they want, not what you want. Food and nourishment are a huge part of recovery, sometimes you’ll have to forfeit what you’re really craving in order to satisfy the needs of the person you’re taking care of.

7) Be the nurse in the room - keep track of their medication schedule. Most often these kinds of surgeries come with an intense medication regiment, which probably includes a pain-killer making your post-op person drowsy and forgetful. Map out their schedule, providing food at the opportune times, and keep them on it! 

8) Be willing to listen to complaints. Post-op depression is a real thing that does not get talked about much. Be prepared for your post-op person to be critical of their surgical results, or be grumpy about the state of their bandages (too tight, dirty, smelly), or be irritable about their overall condition. This is normal, let them vent to you.

9) Leave when asked - sometimes all of this one-on-one time and the dependency that comes with being immediately post-op can be a real drain on relationships. If your post-op person needs a break from you, don’t take it personally, and kindly leave them alone. Sometimes breaks are good for all involved. 

10) Know your limits - not everyone is cut out for this job. If someone in your life asks you to support them after surgery, know your boundaries and be thoughtful to your own needs. If you don’t think you can provide adequate support, tell them.

HOUSES in swedish

The illustration is Hus i Sundborn from the book Ett Hem by Carl Larsson, 1889

requested by @blackteaandlanguages

(ett) hus - house

(en) villa - villa

(en) stuga - cottage

(en) lägenhet - apartment

(ett) vardagsrum - livingroom

(ett) badrum - bathroom 

(ett) sovrum - bedroom

(ett) kök - kitchen

(ett) gästrum - guestroom

(en) bastu - sauna

(ett) bibliotek - library 

(en) gäststuga - guestcottage

(en) tomt - i don’t think there’s an exact translation but it refers to the house and garden, the whole property basically

(en) trädgård - garden

(ett) land - the soft ground in the garden where you grow vegetables, if there’s an exact translation to this word then i’ve just never heard of it 

(ett) växthus - greenhouse

(en) dörr - door

(en) grind - gate

(en) ugn - oven

(en) toalett - toilet

(en) dusch - shower

(ett) badkar - bathtub

(en) soffa - couch

(en) teve - TV

(ett) bord - table

Boende vokabulär på svenska - Residential vocabulary in Swedish

Originally posted by beautiful-nature-gif


ett bostadsområde - residental area
ett hus - house
en invånare - inhabitant
boende, -t - resident, habitation, housing
ett bostadsbidrag - housing benefit
en bostad - apartment
ett garage - garage
en tambur - hallway
ett rum - room
ett fönster - window
ett tak - ceiling
ett kök - kitchen
en våning - floor
ett hem - home
ett badrum - bathroom
ett sovrum - bedroom
ett vardagsrum - living room
en dörr - door
en trädgård - garden
en hyra - rent
en diskmaskin - dishwasher
en möbel - furniture
ett kylskåp - fridge
ett skåp - closet
en bokhylla - bookshelf
en lampa - lamp
en matta - carpet
en soffa - sofa
en stol - chair
en gardin - curtain
ett bord - table


bo - to live
flytta - to move
bygga - to build
renovera - to renovate
städa - to clean


trång- cramped
praktisk- practical
bekväm- comfortable
mörk- dark
av trä - woody
rymlig - spacious
ijus - light
gammalmodig - old- fashioned
mysig - cosy

Feel free to correct me!

en fåtölj - armchair
en saccosäck - bean bag chair
en säng - bed
ett nattduksbord - bedsidetable
en bänk - bench
en bokhylla – bookshelf
en våningssäng
- bunk bed
ett skåp
-  cabinet
en matta - carpet
en stol - chair
en ljuskrona - chandelier
en soffa - couch
ett skåp - cupboard
en gardin - curtain
en kudde - cushion
ett skrivbord - desk
en skrivbordsstol - desk chair
ett matbord - dining room table
en låda
- drawer
en byrå - dresser
ett dokumentskåp
- file cabinet
en klappstol / fällstol - folding chair
en inredning - furnishings
möbler (pl) - furniture
ett golvur - grandfather clock
en lampa
- lamp
en madrass - mattress
en spegel - mirror
en kudde - pillow
en gungstol - rocking chair
en matta - rug
en hylla
- shelf
en pall - stool
ett bord
- table
en vitrin - vitrine
en garderob -
en vattensäng - waterbed

Note: For some reason English has to differentiate between all sorts of cupboards and cabinets, between cushion and pillow, and such. English is odd.
3 year reunion

My dad has been with me since day 1. 

Even though we’ve had our ups and downs, and he’s still getting used to my name and pronouns, he has never been shy or embarrassed about me. He is also the least self conscious person I know (which results in terrible fashion choices…). As much as he annoys me sometimes, I’m always grateful to have his 100% support.

(follow me on instagram)

Sami Sulieman ger 7 tips om extra inkomster

Skaffa dig extra inkomster

Ett bra sätt att få in mer pengar är genom att skaffa sig fler källor för inkomster
Det kan du göra genom att arbeta extra för andra eller för dig själv.

7 tips från Sami Sulieman på extra inkomster

Vilken typ av extrajobb passar för dig?

Dela ut reklam – Att dela ut reklam är ett extrajobb de flesta kan söka, även du som är minderårig. Är du mellan 13-18 år kommer du att behöva dina föräldrars medgivande.

Sök på dela ut reklam på nätet så hittar du företagen som erbjuder jobb.

Utföra enkla tjänster till dina grannar. I dag finns det gott om möjligheter för dig att utföra enkla arbeten som snöskottning, gräsklippning, handla och annat. 

Annonsera dina tjänster på sociala media, hemsidor eller sätt upp lappar i grannaskapet.

Vara extra chauför – Många har inte bil men vill ibland kunna ta sig runt till ställen dit det inte finns buss eller annan lokaltrafik. Kanske även få hjälp med att köra hem varor eller annat de köpt. Har du en bra bil och är en rutinerad förare så ta chansen att hjälpa till mot en ekonomisk ersättning. 

Sätt upp lappar på anslagstavlor i butiker och annonsera på sociala media

Rasta eller vakta djur – Känner du dig bekväm med djur finns det många som behöver hjälp med att rasta och vakta sin hund, katt eller häst över semester och de dagar då de själva inte kan ta hand om djuret. 

Det finns annonssidor som är specialinriktade för djur och djurvakter / rastare där du kan förmedla din tjänst.

Jobba på nätet – I dag finns det många möjligheter att jobba på nätet för dig som är kunnig inom IT och media att hitta jobb som du kan göra på nätet. Svara på enkäter och undersökningar till att erbjuda dina egna kunskaper inom IT och media.

Det finns flera specialsidor på nätet för dig där du kan leta efter jobb och annonsera.

Upplåta din soffa, säng eller ett extra rum till någon som söker bostad några nätter då och då eller hyra ut på en mer permanent basis

På nätet finns det många ställen som du kan du lägga upp en annons på, AirbNb till exempel.

Författa artiklar – Är du en baddare på att skriva så finns det många bloggar som behöver författare inom olika områden.

Kontakta bloggägaren direkt och skriv om ditt favoritämne.

How to care for sad person 😇

1. Lay blanket out.
2. Pick up sad person.
3. Lay sad person in blanket.
4. Roll them like sushi.
5. Place sad roll on bed/soffa/comfy place.
6. Hug roll close.
7. Put on rolls fave movie.
8. Feed roll snacks.
9. Make sure roll is well hydrated. Tears make roll dehydrated.
10. Happy lil’ sushi roll.

QPOC Group at the San Diego LGBTQ Center

Friends, I am in the process of setting up a support group for all Queer POC (but especially for QWOC and their SOFFAS) at the Center in San Diego. My next task is to engage how many people are interested and will show up to that meeting. I don’t need to know anything about you, but if you’re in the area and are interested, would you please let me know? You can just reblog or directly contact me. My inbox is open for questions and comments.

I would also appreciate signal boosting this for people who might find it useful. Thank you!

The Big List of Trans Books

Fictional with an FtM Character  

  • Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills
  • F2M: The Boy Within by Hazel Edwards and Ryan Kennedy 
  • I Know Very Well How I Got my Name by Elliot Deline
  • Jumpstart the World by Catherine Ryan Hyde
  • Man Enough by Beth Burnett 
  • Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (intersex but assigned female)
  • Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
  • Refuse by Elliot DeLine
  • Sacred Country by Rose Tremain
  • Silver by Scott Cairns 
  • Trumpet by Jackie Kay
  • Vintage Toys for Lucky Boys by G.R. Richards 

Fictional with an MtF Character 

  • 10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert
  • Adventures of Tulip, Birthday Wish Fairy by S. Bear Bergman
  • Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher
  • Annabel by Kathleen Winter (intersex b assigned male)
  • Being Emily by Rachel Gold
  • Breakfast on Pluto by Patrick McCabe 
  • The Butterfly and the Flame by Dana De Young
  • Danish Girl by David Ebershoff (intersex but assigned male) 
  • Freakboy by Kristin Elizabeth Clark
  • Gamenight: A Role-Play Novel by Leela Ginelle 
  • Luna by Julie Anne Peters
  • Rain by Jocelyn DiDomenick 
  • She’s My Dad by Iolanthe Woulff
  • Transgression by Theo Fenraven
  • Who I Am and What I Want by David Michael O'Quinn 

Non-Fiction General

  • Bisexuality and Transgenderism: Intersexitions of the Others by Fritz Klein Karen
  • Gender Outlaws: Men, Women, and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein 
  • How Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United States by Joanne Meyerowitz
  • In A Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives by Judith Halberstam 
  • Invisible Lives: The Erasure of Transsexual and Transgendered People by Viviane Namaste 
  • My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You or Something Else Entirely by Kate Bornstein 
  • Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity by Matt Bernstein Sycamore 
  • The Riddle of Gender by Deborah Rudacille
  • Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism by Patrick Califia 
  • Sexual Metamorphosis: An Anthology of Transsexual Memoirs edited by Jonathan Adams  
  • The Transgender Studies Reader edited by Susan Stryker and Stephen Whittle 
  • The Riddle of Gender by Deborah Rudacille 
  • Transgender 101 by Nicholas M. Teich 
  • Transgender Rights edited by Paisley Currah, Richard M. Juang and Shannon Price Minter 
  • Transition and Beyond, Observations on Gender Identity by Reid Vanderburgh 
  • Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men by Lori B. Girshick 

Non-Fiction FtM Specific 

  • A Circus Mirror Day by Corin Ash
  • Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
  • Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits by Loren Cameron
  • Both Sides Now: One Man’s Journey Through Womanhood by Dhillon Khosla
  • From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FtM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond
  • FTM: Female to Male Transsexuals in Society by Holly Devor 
  • Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men and edited by Trystan T. Cotten
  • Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey 
  • Letters for my Brothers edited by Megan M. Rohrer and Zander Keig
  • Real Man Adventures by T. Cooper
  • Self-Made Men: Identity and Embodiment among Transsexual Men by Henry Rubin 
  • The First Man-Made Man: The Story of Two Sex Changes,One Love Affair, and a Twentieth-Century Medical Revolution by Pagan Kennedy 
  • The Mirror Makes No Sense by Mark A. Cummings
  • The Phallus Palace: Female to Male Transsexuals by Dean Kotula 
  • The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolfe Valerio 
  • Transmen and FTMs: Identities, Bodies, Genders and Sexualities by Jason Cromwell 

Non-Fiction MtF Specific 

  • A Sort of A-Z Thing by Lily Savage
  • A Personal Autobiography by Christine Jorgensen
  • Branded T by Rosalyne Blumenstein 
  • Dress Codes of Three Girls: My Mother’s, My Father’s and Mine 
  • Feminizing Hormonal Therapy for the Transgendered by Sheila Kirk, M.D.
  • Four Ways to be a Woman by Sue Reidy 
  • Mom: I Need to be a Girl by Just Evelyn 
  • Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
  • Right Side Out: In Tune Within to be in Harmony with the World by Annah Moore
  • She is my Son: The Adrienne Clark Story by Beverly Holland 
  • The Life 1979-1999: The Diaries of Yasimu Quaife by Yasimu Quaife
  • The Woman I Was Not Born to Be: A Transsexual Journey by Aleshia Brevard 
  • Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano 


  • Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender Nonconforming Children by Diane Ehrensaft 
  • Helping your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents by Irwin Krieger 
  • She’s Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband by Helen Boyd 
  • Trans Forming Families: Real Stories about Transgender Loved Ones edited by Mary Boenke 
  • Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children edited by Rachel Pepper 
  • True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism - For Families, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals
  • The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals 

If you know of any books not on this list please let me know and I’ll add them in :) 

Rule Number One: Never answer your phone after midnight

slight au, this is what happens after four hours and forty something minutes convo’s with mollymatterrs over skype

Her bedspread rustled around her as she pressed the camera phone against her ear, letting out a sigh while she waited for the other end of the line. “ - - - Molly?” he murmured, mouth too close to the speaker, a slight whine in his voice besides that familiar lisp that would appear from time to time. It was something akin to a child prodding its mother awake, something she never thought she’d feel about Sherlock Holmes ringing her up post-midnight, pissed beyond belief. This wasn’t at all like those trashy fantasies she’d had back in the day. 

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