Six alternative doors in your house

1. If you reach under your bathroom door, you may be able to extract a small brass handle recessed into its lower side. Closing the bathroom door and pulling the handle should enable you to open the door upwards instead of sideways, revealing a long dark chute leading down into the depths of the earth. This is the Sundries Disposal, a feature installed in most houses built after 1975 by order of the Global Mystical Court. Should mystical forces need, for whatever reason, to take over your house, the chute is intended to help them dispose of any of your fixtures and fittings that do not fit their taste or decorating requirements. We do not recommend venturing down the chute as it is our understanding that the goblins at the lower end did not agree to have avocado bathroom suites dropping on their heads at regular intervals and are somewhat irate about the matter.  
2. If you can get into the right dream, you should be able to find that door in your hallway; that is, the one that leads to the top floor of your house, the floor that is only there in dreams. The contents of this floor may vary, but do try to get in when the library is in residence. It has a fine collection of books that their authors only ever dreamed about. Sometimes that door leads to a lift instead. Do not, whatever the temptation, take the lift downwards below the bottom floor of your house.  
3. If you lever the skirting boards of your house away, you may sometimes be able to discover doors used by the little people. Whether these are readily discernible or not depends on just how little the little people in your house are, as well as how fast they are at removing doors. In some cases, doors used by the little people may also have been repurposed by use for the very little people. If you open a little people door to find a host of smaller doors behind it, it is likely that your house has very little people. Be sure to leave gin out for them in the summer, when they are in danger of evaporating.
4. Many sofas these days have vents into an alternative universe located at the far end of the crevice down the back of the seats. This is a hygienic measure, designed to save your living room from the unpleasant odours that can arise from crevice crumbs. If you take apart your sofa, you may be able to widen these vents into a passable orifice. This is one reason that sofa disassembly and recycling is usually recommended to be done by a qualified technician. The alternative universe is, however, rather nice at the time of year if you do not mind getting covered in crumbs.
5. If you remove all the doors in your house and put them in a big pile with some sexy music playing you can sometimes get them to mate. Be sure to provide any pregnant doors with a warm, safe and dark environment. Once they have whelped, the baby doors will distribute themselves around your house. Baby doors usually lead to cupboards, but you may often find one or two upstarts which open onto secret passages instead.
6. Is there a door in your house that you and all the other inhabitants and visitors have been ignoring? You know, because it leads into hell or has been enchanted by an evil fairy or is behind that elephant in your living room or something? Think really hard about this. Ignoringness is the sixteenth superpower and is tremendously hard to beat. However, if you can defeat it then you too can bask in the knowledge of the horrors lurking within the heart of your home. In fact, if you have an elephant in your living room it may well be standing there precisely so as to hide the door. Elephants do this a lot. It is part of their wider service to a world they love.


The Sofas of LA. Nine Leather Love Seats - Los Angeles, CA