socializing-is-hard

The Dos and Don'ts of Job Searching While You're Still Employed

Ready for a new job? Most career experts would advise that you start looking while you’re still employed. And when you do—you must tread carefully:

1) Don’t tell anyone at work.

2) Make sure your LinkedIn profile is 100% complete.

3) Never bad-mouth your current employer.

4) Don’t use any of your current co-workers or supervisors as references.

5) Schedule interviews during non-work hours.

6) Don’t mention your job search in social media.

7) Always be honest if confronted by your supervisor or manager.

Read more.

Three words, two sentences, and one important date for the Zodiac signs.

Aries: You’ve had a lot of internalized energy lately. Don’t let it out in
the wrong ways.
Run, dance, draw. April 28th.

Taurus: Too much time alone is never a good thing. Step outside of your
comfort zone this weekend.
Party, eat, drink. April 17th.

Gemini: Rash decisions can affect your life harshly. Before you act, try to
form a plan.
Kiss, nap, socialize. April 23rd.

Cancer: Hard times have befallen you. Take a breather, and remember that
life goes on.
Snack, jog, happy. May 1st.

Leo: It may be frustrating, but not everyone can be as loyal and loving as
you. Let yourself forgive, and remember patience.
Sing, relax, remember. April 30th.

Virgo: Recently, people have tried to open your eyes. Allow yourself to
listen before you write them off.
Breathe, smile, escape. May 6th.

Libra: Your life is in a good place right now. Relax and have fun, but
brace yourself for trouble in the near future.
Paint, read, laugh. April 20th.

Scorpio: Recently, you have overcome a lot. Impart your wisdom on others,
but still put yourself first.
Chat, drink, create. April 22nd.

Sagittarius: You may have been told that your personality puts people off.
Continue to be yourself anyway.
Listen, respect, bike. May 12th.

Capricorn: Everyone expects excellence from you, and although you put up a
tough exterior, you’re breaking. Keep working, and ignore the nay-sayers.
Write, eat, kiss. May 4th.

Aquarius: The pressure to lead others can be a lot sometimes. Take frequent
breaks and chin up.
Hydrate, exercise, smile. April 19th.

Pisces: Some days you are driven with no inspiration, sometimes vice versa.
Jot down your thoughts for a day you feel like acting upon them.
Joke, read, listen. April 26th.

Myers Briggs By What They Argue About

INFJ: Theoretical ultimatums, religion/lack thereof, social politics
ESTP: Who can throw the thing farther/eat the most chili peppers/etc, or anything if they’re bored 
INTJ: Religion/lack thereof and politics/economics
ESFP: Who is better at what, who can prove themselves, or anything if they’re bored
INFP: Morals, social politics  
ESTJ: Politics, hard held values
INTP: Anything, if it makes logical sense and it’s interesting
ESFJ: Whether so and so was justified in what they said to so and so, who to side with in drama, social politics 
ISFJ: Religion/lack thereof, over who to side with in drama
ENTP: A n y t h i n g
ISTJ: Religion/lack thereof, politics
ENFP: Morals, social politics, or maybe anything if they’re bored
ISFP: Morals, social politics
ENTJ: Politics, economics, etc
ISTP: Probably anything if they can assert dominance and have fun
ENFJ: Who to side with in drama, theoretical ultimatums, social politics.

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS 28 | 50 - “The execution queen, hm…? Not an honorable nickname by most perspectives, but it’s not all bad. I will strike down all that stand in my way! Mitsuru’s Victory quote after battle in Persona 4 Arena Ultimax.

KIRIJO MITSURU / PERSONA 3

Responding to desexualization without hurting others

Content note: This post is about ableism and desexualization of adults with disabilities. It is highly likely to be triggering to some people who have experienced degrading desexualization, as well as to some people who have been sexually assaulted or otherwise had people violate their sexual boundaries.

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:

As an autistic person I often feel desexualised, and I don’t like it but I feel sorta uncomfortable stating it for some reason? How should I like, deal with this and enforce my sexuality without making people uncomfortable?

realsocialskills said:

This gets really complicated.

Being desexualized is awful, and it’s also really hard to talk about without sounding like you feel entitled to sexual or romantic attention from other people. Especially when you’re talking to people who’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of intrusive sexual attention and who aren’t aware that desexualization also happens and is also a problem.

Another complication is that many adults really are asexual or aromantic. That’s an ok way to be, and it’s important to acknowledge that those people exist and aren’t broken. Objecting to desexualization does not mean objecting to asexual people.

People who desexualize adults with disabilities in these ways aren’t recognizing asexual adulthood; they’re denying disabled adulthood and expressing it in sexual terms. (And this denial of adulthood expressed in sexual terms also hurts asexual adults).

I think that desexualization is when people refuse to acknowledge or respect some basic things:

  • That you’ve reached adulthood or you are a teenager
  • That you’re as likely as anyone else your age to experience romantic and sexual attraction
  • That if you are experiencing sexual and/or romantic attraction, it’s as significant and important as attraction anyone else experiences
  • If you want to, it’s completely appropriate for you to act on your sexual and romantic feelings (either with yourself or consenting other people)
    • You have the same right to physical, sexual, and emotional boundaries as anyone else

    People who desexualize you might treat you inappropriately in group dynamics, eg:

    • By assuming that you will never have a crush on anyone in your friend group
    • By assuming that you don’t date for real and will always be available to go to couple’s events with someone who is caught without a partner at the last minute
    • By saying things like “I hate men/women/whoever. You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with dating them.“
    • Or like “It’s so great to talk to you about this stuff. I’m so tired of how everyone else is making the group awkward with their dating drama.”
    • Or venting to you about how hard it is for them to find a partner without considering that you might share this frustration, and that it’s probably harder for you than it is for them
    • Or making jokes about how you’re their ~boyfriend~/~girlfriend~, ignoring the possibility that you might want to be someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend and that you might, in fact, be attracted to them.

    People who desexualize you also sometimes don’t observe appropriate sexual boundaries, eg:

    • Assuming that rules of modesty don’t apply to you
    • Undressing in front of you (in a community in which it would normally be considered inappropriate for someone of their age and gender to undress in from of someone of your age and gender)
    • Touching you in ways that are considered inappropriately intimate in your social circles for people who are not romantically or sexually involved
    • Adopting suggestive poses or being inappropriately close (eg: by having their breasts or crotch way too close to your face)
    • (The rules of acceptable nudity, physical contact, and closeness are different in different cultures, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is having established rules of modesty/boundaries but ignoring them when interacting with disabled people)

    It’s ok to be angry about this kind of thing, and it’s ok to insist that people knock it off and treat you with more respect. It’s ok to expect people to respect your maturity, your romantic and sexual capacity, and your physical and emotional boundaries.

    For instance, it’s ok to say “I’m a grown man; you shouldn’t be changing in front of me,” or “I’m not your girlfriend; stop touching me like that,” or “I don’t want to go to that event with you unless it’s a real date,” or “I don’t like it when you make jokes about dating me,” or “I get crushes too you know.” This will probably make some people uncomfortable; and that’s ok. You don’t have to do all of the emotional labor of making social interactions comfortable; it’s ok to have boundaries even when other people don’t like them. It’s also ok to insist that people acknowledge and respect your age even if they’d rather see you as a child.

    It’s ok to be angry about people treating you badly in areas related to sexuality, and it’s ok to insist that they knock it off. It’s ok to be upset when you’re single and don’t want to be, and it’s ok to be upset about the role that ableism is playing in making it hard to find someone.

    It’s also important to be careful that this doesn’t turn into anger at people for having sexual boundaries of their own. It can easy for some people to become confused about this when start realizing that it’s ok to have sexual feelings, and not ok that others treat you as though your disability means your sexuality doesn’t count. If you’ve been treated as outside of legitimate sexuality for your whole life, you likely have missed opportunities to learn about consent and appropriate sexual and romantic interactions. That’s not your fault; it is your responsibility to address. Being the object of discrimination does not give you a free pass to violate other people’s boundaries, even if you’re not doing it on purpose.

    It’s important to keep in mind that no one is obligated to date you, sleep with you, allow you to touch them, consider dating you, justify their lack of interest in dating you, or anything else like that. (And that it’s not ok to hit on people if you’re in a position of power over them).

    You’re human, so it’s likely that you’re having some less-than-ideal feelings about this stuff some of the time. You might feel jealous, or upset, or even angry at people who haven’t really done anything wrong. (Because they’re dating visibly and you’re lonely, or because you asked them out and they said no, or other things like that which can hurt to see but aren’t their fault.) It’s ok if you’re feeling that way; you don’t have to have superhuman control of your feelings to treat people well. What’s important is that you don’t feed it, and that you don’t act on it.

    In particular, it’s important not to cultivate offense when people you’re interested in dating aren’t interested in you. That leads nowhere good. (eg: I got an ask about how to stand up to a person who was using disability as an excuse to grope people a while back.)

    Rejection sucks, and it sucks more when you’re already really lonely, and it sucks even more when you know that ableism is probably a major factor in why some people you’re attracted to aren’t interested. It can be really tempting when things are that hard to take offense. It’s important to stay aware that people who reject you aren’t wronging you, and to find constructive ways to deal with it that don’t involve contempt for the people you’re attracted to. (In particular, stay away from pick up artist communities. Adopting that worldview makes it much harder to learn about good consent and have respectful relationships).

    It’s also important to keep in mind that it’s ok for you to be sexual and to express interest in dating people. (Even if you encounter people who are profoundly uncomfortable with the idea of disabled people having and acting on sexual and romantic feelings. Those people are wrong.) Your sexuality is not ever the problem. (It’s possible sometimes that things you’re doing might be a problem, but having a sexuality is never a problem in itself.)

    In particular - if you ask someone out or hit on them and they say no, that doesn’t mean that you did something wrong. It just means that they aren’t interested. Asking people who turn out not to be interested is ok; asking is how you find out. You don’t have to be a mindreader in order for it to be ok to ask someone out.

    All of this can be really, really hard to navigate. I hope some of this helped.

    tl;dr Disabled adults and teenagers are often treated like children. People often express this in sexualized terms by assuming that disabled adults are all incapable of legitimate sexual expression. It’s awful to be on the receiving end of that. It’s also hard to talk about or object to effectively. Scroll up for more thoughts on how to navigate this.

    so I thought I would post something about no shame day since its something my followers dont know about me. I suspect that I have aspergers. Im afraid to get a diagnosis, because I am transgender and it could prevent me from receiving hormone therapy. But it does affect me. It makes social situations extremely hard for me. I can’t eat a lot of foods or go to certain places because of sensory issues, I get overwhelmed easily, and sometimes I go nonverbal. It doesnt take a lot for me to shut down. Im extremely dependant on the people I do manage to become close with, and its very hard for me to cope with anyone leaving. People get frustrated with me often. Its the reason I take so long to answer messages, because I get extremely nervous and overwhelmed at the thought of tackling them all, so im sorry for that. I hide it pretty well, so a lot of the people ive confided in have a hard time believing me, which has been pretty hard. But today is no shame day, and so I wanted to tell all of you. I want to stop feeling like I have to hide this part of me.
    Its time to stop being ashamed of our disabilities.

    The signs' personalities from personal experience. (I'm a Taurus)
    • Aries:standoffish. They are respectful but very opinionated. Stylish af
    • Taurus:lonely. Silly. A good music taste. Overlooked. Thrives off of stability.
    • Gemini:talkative. Have a good ability to improvise. Loud. Nosy.enjoy the fictional world.
    • Cancer:talented and silent. Intellectual and patient. Sweethearts. Strong
    • Leo:materialistic. They seek approval. Tend to be too playfully times. Secretive
    • Virgo:so affectionate. Misunderstood. Hardworking and observant.
    • Libra:really controlling. Don't really like people questioning their positions. Nosy. Caring.
    • Scorpio:dark humored. They like to be alone. Paranoid. Scary to have as a best friend. Easy to understand. Hard to get with.
    • Sagittarius:omg goofy. Sort of nerdy. Wild. They like to share. They feel obligated to do what's socially positive. Proper talkers
    • Capricorn:hard working. Reflective. Good team leaders. Reliable.
    • Aquarius:far sighted (figuratively). Free. Lazy talkers. Nice legs. I am groot(groot af)
    • Pisces:complete fan girls (people). They love to make friends with people who listen. They like to education themselves.
    your fave is Jewish: Marlee Matlin

    Actress, activist, and author Marlee Matlin, best known for her roles in films and television series such as Children of a Lesser God, The L Word, and Switched at Birth, became the first deaf performer to receive the Academy Award for Best Actress. She was 21 years old when she received the award, and holds the record for being the youngest person to receive this prestigious award. This amazing actress is also Jewish, and here’s how we know:

    -Marlee’s family is of Russian and Polish Jewish background, and Marlee grew up attending the Jewish Temple for the Deaf, Bene Shalom, in Skokie, Illinois. [x]

    -Marlee had a bat mitzvah and was later interviewed about her bat mitzvah experience for the book Mazel Tov: Celebrities’ Bar and Bat Mitzvah Memories. [x]

    -Marlee has said that her Jewish background has been part of the driving force for the large amount of charity work she has done, including her work for the Starkey Hearing Foundation, which gives free hearing aids to children who cannot afford them. [x]

    -Marlee has participated in advertising for the Jewish Federations of North America, which does philanthropic work to benefit Jewish causes. [x]

    Got a Jewish fave you want us to spotlight? Suggest it through our ask or submit box!