*This is Mr. Joe Humphrey mocking Facebook from the safe distance of Ello:
here’s my impersonation of my Facebook feed today:
Your friend liked this: New clip from The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay - Part One! Katnis, Peta and Gale fight!
Shock Till You Drop: 10 Scary Horror Movie Santas!
Comingsoon.net: WB In Talks with Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Walking Dead director Michelle MacLaren to direct Wonder Woman (comments: HOW ABOUT THEY DONT MAKE THIS PIECE OF SHIT AT ALL!, YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE ABOUT FEMINISM?! SHIT LIKE THIS!!!!!!, Y DOES SHE HAVE 2 BE A JEW?!?!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! STOP RAPING MY CHILDHOOD!!!, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TELL ME WHEN TRANSFORMERS 6 IS BEING MADE!!!!, actually, I think the choice of a female director would be better utilized in a film like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because my concern is that a female will distort the bdsm foundation of Wonder Woman’s creation and will try and make a film about rah rah feminism and further push the agenda of the Illuminati rather than that of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who died on the cross for YOUR SINS and not for FEMINISM, THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MOVIE WAS SHIT AND IF U LIKED IKT GO BAKC 2 SUCKING MICKLE BAYS DICK FAG)
Friend status update: I’m happy to announce that we will be welcoming a new addition to our family! A new baby for the new year! (unfollow)
Stuff You Should Know: Why do dog’s feet smell like corn chips? The answer might surprise you!
Vice News: Horrible things are happening constantly everywhere.
Designer/Artist I like: I designed a poster for a comedian.
Facebook: Your friend with a gambling addiction has played this slot machine game five hundred times last night! You should really play!
Designer/Artist I like: My new design is up on TeeFury.com right now!
Facebook: You should really look into this online class about webdesign.
TeeFury: Check out today’s shirts! It’s Rocket and Groot mashed up with some Pokemon thing. The other shirt is Chewbacca mashed up with Grumpy Cat.
Shock Till You Drop: 10 trailers that were better than the movie!
Facebook: Hey, the page for your book series got pretty much zero traffic this week. You know, if you want, we can boost your traffic. click here to find out how!
Rachel Maddow: Republicans think a thing the Democrats did was stupid. There’s just one problem: They’re the ones who are stupid!
Your Friend Like this: Rand Paul calls out Obama on Obamacare. Dems run screaming like little babies. Check and mate. RAND 2016
Eight different people/websites: The Divine Miss. M wants more Hocus Pocus!
Friend Status Update: THEY’RE MAKING HOCUS POCUS 2! SHAKING AND CRYING
Friend Status Update: fuck my boss!!!! I WISH I COULD FIRE HIM!!!! ate entire bucket of KFC alone in the dark.
Facebook: Trending! DEAN CAIN! Actress Brooke Shields details romance with the Superman actor!
Stephen King: Interview with Steve about Revival, Under the Dome and what scares him!
Comingsoon.net: New clip from The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay - Part One! Katnis, Peta and Gale fight!
Nerdist: Do you want more Community? Of course you do, you brainless fucks. Dan Harmon is your god. Eat what we give you! Put it in your mouth and like it! This is how we talk to our audience.
How Stuff Works: 10 ancient things that still exist
You friend liked this: Mythbusters - Jamie and Adam take on whether stupid shit that happens in movies could happen in real life! MYTH BUSTED!
Comedy Bang Bang on IFC: Another new episode tonight! Be sure and set your DVRs!
Your Friend liked this: The University of Phoenix
Facebook: I really think this course about being an architect would help you.
Your friend like this: M&Ms
A friend posted on your wall: You post WAY too much about Taylor Swift. I think you’re obsessed.
Friend Status Update: at Disneyland, too bad you’re not here!
Comingsoon.net: Check out the details of the Arrow/Flash crossover!
Friend Status Update: Watching Supernatural. Shaking and crying because of feels.
Friend Status Update: STEVEN MOFFAT IS THE DEVIL. IF THEY DON’T FIRE HIM I WILL NEVER WATCH DOCTOR WHO AGAIN. REAL FANS HATE HIM.
Shock Till You Drop: 10 most tragic deaths from the Nightmare on Elm Street Movies
Nerdist: Wil Wheaton drops by to give us his 10 best moments you didn’t see on ST:TNG! You love Wil Wheaton, right? Shut up and click the link.
Batman: Who was your favorite movie Batman? (comments are a bloodbath)
Your friend liked this: Brittany Maynard on the Right to Die (comments about Obama’s death panels and Jesus)
Your friend liked this: If you don’t support the troops, you are just another terrorist. STAND UP AND SALUTE WHEN YOU SEE A UNIFORM BECAUSE THEY RISK THEIR LIVES TO PROTECT YOUR FREEDOM!! MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE… (photo of an eagle crying in front of an American flag and the the ghostly outline of the World Trade Center)
Facebook: I saw that you emailed your wife about needing a new computer monitor! Here’s a bunch of ads about computer monitors!
Comingsoon.net: 10 actors who died too young (photo of Heath Ledger)
Your friend likes this: Facebook
Comingsoon.net: 10 reasons you should be shaking and crying because of the new Dumb and Dumber movie.
Facebook: I heard you ranting to yourself in your car. We couldn’t quite make out what you were saying because you were playing The Monkees pretty loud and crying, but we think you said something about tacos. Here’s some ads for the new Doritos Hot and Spicy Taco at Taco Bell!
Stuff You Should Know: 10 plagues worse than Ebola
Rachel Maddow: Republicans think that the party of “no” is a good strategy to combat ebola. Here’s the problem: They’re stupid.
Friend Status Update: Please don’t quit facebook. We need you here. It’s so awful and I don’t think I can do it without you.
I’ll stop now. (((Well, yes, he can stop, but Facebook won’t, not as long as there’s electricity and some revenue-flow)))