anonymous asked:

My best friend is an INTJ and knowing her for 5 years, I can easily see how she is one. However when I first met her, she seemed anything but. She was sociable,smiley, laidback, almost a IDGAF attitude and almost motherly with her emotions. She continues to behave this way with new people and this boggles me. Is this what is called a social mask? Why do INTJ's tend to that and how do they behave so contrastingly?

Yes, that’s most likely a social mask. She may have been raised by other types, which allows her to mimic some of their behaviors more naturally. It’s something that many of us have to work very hard on and it’s a lifelong process. We do it to fit in better. Being socially “normal” opens up a lot of doors.


The director of Miss Representation is back at it with a new film titled “The Mask You Live in” that explores American masculinity which asks: “As a society, how are we failing our boys?”

From the creator:

“At a young age, boys learn that to express compassion or empathy is to show weakness. They hear confusing messages that force them to repress their emotions, establish hierarchies, and constantly prove their masculinity. They often feel compelled to abide by a rigid code of conduct that affects their relationships, narrows their definition of success and, in some cases, leads to acts of violence resulting in what many researchers call a “boy crisis.” Our society’s failure to recognize and care for the social and emotional well-being of our boys contributes to a nation of young men who navigate adversity and conflict with an incomplete emotional skill set. Whether boys and later men have chosen to resist or conform to this masculine norm, there is loneliness, anxiety, and pain.” 

Check out the film’s Kickstarter!

anonymous asked:

I'm an INTJ and I have a problem with criticizing people and correcting people. I'm constantly doing it and I get annoyed really easily. I try to let things slide but it doesn't happen very often. Is this common or am I just an asshole?

It’s extremely common but you have to learn to bite your tongue, or at least say things in a way that won’t offend people. It’s part of the social mask. If you don’t learn to play the game it will be a serious liability later on. See this post for tips on getting better at interacting with people.

Just be yourself, unless yourself is unamused by everyone.

I am so INTJ I can’t even count on my fingers and toes how many times I have fake laughed or smiled only to immediately turn away and return to my expressionless face. 

I did this today on the way to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and felt nothing. It’s amazing how much of my day is spent wearing a mask.

Emulating Other Types to Make Friends?

Anon Asked:

i have an ENFP mask when I first meet someone and the more I comfortable I get around a person I slowly shift closer to INTJ. I actually haven’t been comfortable enough around someone to be myself (INTJ), but I have gotten to INFJ. I think its because I’m worried about not having friends but I was wondering if this is something you or anyone else has experienced?

Many INTJs learn to emulate other types in order to get along in the social world, though they may not choose a specific type. I could never emulate an E or a P. That’s far too difficult for me. What I do is a diluted version of myself: talk less so I don’t say anything too hurtful, listen more so I seem more empathetic, and try not to press the issue too hard when I think an idea is stupid (unless it actually matters).

I would say that 99% of the time I’m holding back with people, even semi-close friends. I’ve practiced long enough that my public persona isn’t as difficult as it used to be. Even small talk has gotten immeasurably easier, at least regarding some topics. I have to know someone really well to show them the full brunt of my personality, which is why I so often prefer my family for social interactions- they understand who I am and they love me anyway.

The problem with this strategy is that you make fewer deep connections with people. So you technically have more friends, but you’ll find that you have fewer close friends, if any, or that your “best friend” doesn’t see you in the same light.

owly1994 asked:

Hey. I was wondering whether you've come across this more often; I am a 20yr old female intj and learnt to get along with people socially quite well, unless they surprise me and I don't see the situation coming. -pt 1/2-

-pt 2/2- Then I often can’t snap out of it and need a little moment to get to my senses again and put my social mask back on. Have you heard about this or do you experience it yourself? Thanks in advance :)

This happens to me as well. I also find the social mask difficult to maintain if I’m tired, hungry, or just generally irritated.

Cast Member Story:

This isn’t really a magical memory, it’s more like an annoying nag at the back of my mind. It’s more about my observations of cast members that work at Disney Parks & Resorts that clearly should not be working there. The ones who fake their smiles throughout every single day, who give a simple, bland “have a nice day” to every guest. How boring!

I once worked in stroller rental, and since it was in Hollywood Studios, themed after a car garage; the girls & I always had fun pretending we were driving cars and would say things like, “Beep beep! Watch out!” when we would push used strollers to the back to be wiped down.

One day, I was laughing and pushed a stroller to one of the boys in the back. (For the sake of conversation, & the fact I forget his name, we’ll call him Joe.) Joe basically looked at me, straight faced, unamused. I laughed, smiled, and said, “Well, I’m sorry! But I like to pretend I’m a five year old sometimes! Helps the day go by.” His reply? “Do you understand the concept of a social mask?”

I, for one, never find myself having to “mask” myself. At Disney, I felt open & free to act as I pleased. (Never mind my thoughts on the Disney Look, however.) Whether he meant this as a derogatory comment towards my behavior, or a standoffish way of saying, “Grow up!” I was awe stricken that someone could be so… serious as a cast member? 

Word to the wise, if you’re going to come to work at the Parks or Resorts, & just show up, do your job, and leave every day without any passion… do not work at Disney. (Maybe go to Universal!) Please & thank you!