social manners

rising sign pros and cons

Aries Rising

pros: quick mind that is full of fun ideas. have a lot of energy and enthusiasm. come across as very energetic and are good at motivating people. straightforward and honest. approach to life and situations is very sincere

cons: their immense energy may throw people off or people may dislike their energy. can be extremely restless, they always have to be moving or doing something. acts on impulse and rushes into things quickly, usually without planning or thinking it through

Taurus Rising

pros: approaches life and situations with patience and dedication. aren’t afraid of working hard or sticking with something. usually have a good routine in life. have a soothing, graceful presence

cons: are extremely stubborn with opinions/thoughts. are very cautious, and sometimes miss out on opportunities because of that. can be very single minded or focus only on one thing at a time, and hate to be rushed

Gemini Rising

pros: very friendly and adaptable. can talk to just about anyone, has very friendly vibes that most people are drawn to or will like instantly. has a quick and witty sense of humor. aren’t afraid of change or adapting, and are always willing to learn something new

cons: always wanting action and change. may change to fit someone else’s ideal or to get along with someone better. need a lot of space and freedom. don’t like being told what to do or to follow what everyone else is doing. can have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time

Cancer Rising

pros: people think they are sweet and adorable. very approachable and have a kind disposition. reads others easily and are good at picking up other’s emotions. feels a lot of emotion and sympathy for the world and others

cons: people think they are younger than they really are. people may not take them seriously. is expressive and can be read easily, especially with emotion. tends to take on others emotions and is extremely sensitive to vibes

Leo Rising

pros: radiant and exuberant. lives life in the moment, always wants to have fun and do whatever they want. has a noticeable presence. has a big heart that is full of love and wants to spread joy and entertain others, loves to make others laugh

cons: can be too honest or dramatic, doesn’t ever want to be serious or do anything serious. would rather just have fun all the time. it’s their way or the highway. can be extremely stubborn or set in their ways

Virgo Rising

pros: polite and humble, is very honest with themselves and always wants to improve. helpful and thoughtful, is always thinking of others and wanting to help them. intellectual and mindful

cons: can be very picky or nitpick a lot, extremely critical, especially critical of themselves. if something goes wrong they start to panic. can be too logical or practical. likely to have a nervous energy

Libra Rising

pros: has great manners and social skills. good at getting along with people and making a good impression. sees beauty and good in the world and others, and appreciates it. wants to make the world a kinder place

cons: may be too concerned with material matters or what people think of them, can be caught up in their own world for a while. sees people and the world through rose tinted glasses. can seem superficial

Scorpio Rising

pros: people think they are mysterious and cool. reads people like a book. has a great intuition and judgement of character. has stunning, soul piercing eyes

cons: resting bitch face. people don’t understand them, they may feel like an outsider or that they don’t connect with people easily. might come off strongly or more intimidating than they would like

Sagittarius Rising

pros: honest and genuine. love learning and doing new things, wants to experience everything they can. optimistic and enthusiastic, approaches everything in life with a good attitude.

cons: doesn’t like to be held down or put into a box, wants and expects freedom and space. can be flighty or hard to pin down. gets bored with routine easily

Capricorn Rising

pros: has a sarcastic, deadpan kind of humor. self aware and honest with themselves, they really know themselves. senses bullshit from a mile away. hard workers who approach life by working hard for what they want. extremely capable in everything they do

cons: always second guessing themselves and can be insecure of themselves or their work. is very concerned about their image or how they are perceived by others (or sometimes its the opposite and they care too little). puts a lot of responsibility on themselves, can seem really rigid or too serious

Aquarius Rising

pros: sees life as an adventure, always changing and growing. wants to bring change and excitement into the world. sees things with original and unique thoughts, has an amazing and intellectual mind. has cute quirks. very hard to forget

cons: inflexible and stubborn, wants everything done their way and the way they think is best. can be too future oriented, and forget to live in the present. can seem detached or uninterested, or can be hard to pin down and unpredictable

Pisces Rising

pros: dreamy and imaginative. caring and empathetic, they want to care for the world and others. sees beauty and good in everything, likes to stay positive. has a good eye for art and comes across as very sweet and kind. very creative

cons: idealistic to an extreme. can sometimes forget about the real world and how it works, they like to stay in their bubble. very sensitive to others vibes or emotions, especially negative emotions or criticism. sees things the way they want to see them, not as they are

Humans Are Weird: Women Edition

Okay, so I’ve seen plenty of “Humans Are Weird”, “Humans are Space Orcs”, and the like as I stalked toe “Humans Are Weird” tagged and originally I would never have gone through the tags if it wasn’t for all those posts I kept seeing on my dash thanks to @bisexualscarletbenoit. I haven’t seen much regarding the interaction aliens have had with human women. Just the social structure and ques women have developed for each other.

Part II >> Part III >> Part IV >> Part V >> Part VI >> Part VII >> Part VIII >> Part IX >> Part X

~~~~~~~~~

Vallion wasn’t much for humans. They never were. Even after a hundred cycles of Earth around its sun, Vallion’s people and the other races were not completely at ease with humans. Sure, humans were an odd collection. Always up to something foolish, troublesome…near suicidal, but they were harmless aside from all that. Their social structures, behaviors, and mannerisms confused many of the H’hish and other outer species, but Vallion learned to “just roll with it” as their human crewmate, Fatima, once told him because “it only becomes more and more nonsensical sensical nonsense from here on out” which of course did not ease any of Vallion’s worries.

The humans, Fatima included, would jump off high, rocky outcroppings into deep water, explore the recesses of seemingly bottomless pits, and befriend feral fauna of other death planets (despite the inclusion of a multiple array of Earthen fauna, including, but not limited to, cats, dogs, ferrets, and iguanas [snakes were forbidden after one escaped and nearly made lunch of one of the human crew’s pet Guinea pig, which was in fact not a pig, but a small rodent]). All in all, Vallion learned not to be surprised by the behavior of humans because humans made no sense at all despite their hardiness and resilience.

However, Vallion started to noticed certain behaviors among the carrier half of the species and the propagators. Many of the carriers would often shy away from certain propagators. On more than one occasion, Vallion overheard carriers warning each other not to “be alone in a room with Brad” and that “Trent gives me the creeps. Just the way he looks at me gives me chills”. Other times, it was “I feel like he’s looking through me” or “I don’t like him” to other propagator crewmates. The cautionary words ranged from frightful or defiant. The carriers would never let the other be alone in a room with one of the blacklisted propagators. When they were on planet leave, the carriers stuck together in packs. They did not easily let propagators near them unless they wanted their attention. When one needed the lavatory, one or more would join them even when they did not need it use. It was curious to watch. Vallion never found fault with these propagators the carriers feared. They all behaved cardinal with them and the other H’hish of their ship.

In fact, these propagators did their absolute finest to befriend and welcome the carriers into crew life. They would be the first to volunteer their time showing the carriers the ship’s layout, controls, and other basic necessities. The propagators would offer to perform physically difficult tasks like transporting a whole pallet of rations or engine parts onto the ship even when they were not assigned to it. They earned high praise from General Lovar and other high ranking officials, yet the carriers remained wary of them.

It wasn’t until Vallion decided to ask Fatima about it because they felt guilty keeping this knowledge from the propagators. “Why do you and the other carriers speak so ill about your propagator counterparts?”

Fatima sighed. “Again. Vallion. Not carriers and propagators, but women and men.” Vallion watched as she massaged the bridge of her brow.

Vallion showed their displeasure at the correction. “It does not make sense to call your half of the species ‘women’ when some who are actually propagators call themselves ‘women’ and vise versa. It is complicated enough for us H’hish– You are avoiding the question!” Vallion nearly lost track of their purpose in their conversation.

“I’m not avoiding it,” Fatima replied. “I just don’t want to be referred to as a carrier. Not all women have children or can have them. Anyways, what do you mean about speaking ill of the guys? Since when?”

Vallion locked their jaw for a moment before answering. “When you and the other women tell each other not to be alone around 2nd Lt. Brad Richards, Chief Engineer Trent Delores, and Dr. Antoine Salone.” The impudence! If it wasn’t for Fatima saving their life once from a sixty degree Celsius pool of water, they would not show such patience.

“They’re creeps, Vallion. We don’t trust them. They don’t see us as human.” Fatima’s gaze was blank. It unnerved Vallion.

“What do you mean by saying that? Of course you’re human! All women are human.”

“You would think so…” she whispered. Vallion was perplexed by the shift in Fatima’s expression and body language.

Vallion watched Fatima turn away from them, her upper appendages wrapping around her torso.

“Fatima…?”

“I gotta get going, Vallion. My shift is coming up in ten minutes.”

And before Vallion could get a word in, Fatima was powering her way down the hall, towards the communications tower.

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Signs Pros and Cons

Aries
pros: quick mind that is full of fun ideas. have a lot of energy and enthusiasm. come across as very energetic and are good at motivating people. straightforward and honest. approach to life and situations is very sincere

cons: their immense energy may throw people off or people may dislike their energy. can be extremely restless, they always have to be moving or doing something. acts on impulse and rushes into things quickly, usually without planning or thinking it through

Taurus
pros: approaches life and situations with patience and dedication. aren’t afraid of working hard or sticking with something. usually have a good routine in life. have a soothing, graceful presence

cons: are extremely stubborn with opinions/thoughts. are very cautious, and sometimes miss out on opportunities because of that. can be very single minded or focus only on one thing at a time, and hate to be rushed

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yes it's another humans are space orcs post

So even when you’ve figured out how to deal with humans, it still really helps to be able to anticipate that you’re going to have to deal with humans, and there’s still a major pitfall when you’re operating in mixed-species environments where most people are operating as private individuals rather than as representatives of their respective species or planets:

Humans are so good at social modeling, and human naming conventions are such a mess, that it can be really hard to recognize that a person is human until you actually see a visual of them. Some of them include species on their profiles or biographies, but some skip right past species and list location of childhood home or racial/ethnic background or something instead, like everyone else is just supposed to know that the colony on Zendar Three is a human colony or what “latina” means. Some even make a point of not listing their species.

They pick up languages like nobody’s business. It might take an adult years to reach full fluency in a language - or they might pick it up in a matter of months, if they put their mind to it, and the subadults often don’t even require instruction or study. Even the ones who depend on automatic translation technology tend to be fussy about calibration and sounding as much like natural speakers as possible. In general, they put a lot of emphasis on being able to imitate the social manner of the group; many make a study of the social mores of species they intend to interact with, but even if they’re caught unprepared, most will to some extent mimic the attitude and approach of the people they interact with.

And the names. Most people will say that the typical human has a personal name and a family or clan name, and that’s… more or less accurate. Except that sometimes they list them the other way around. And sometimes they only have a personal name. Or they have multiple family names. And a lot of the time they have a kind of secondary personal name that they don’t even use, but not always, and some have as many as three or four of these “middle names.” There are lists of traditional human names that you can learn, but none of them are exhaustive, because almost every human population center and cultural group has its own traditional names and also humans are constantly adapting old names and inventing new ones.

Even if someone has a name that you recognize as being a traditional name of some other species, that isn’t a 100% guarantee that that person isn’t human. Because there’s such a wide variety of human names, there’s some overlap with other species names, to the point that it’s a kind of played out joke that the token human character in popular media has to be specified to be Human Steve. Plus in a lot of human cultures, one of the highest expressions of respect toward a person is to give that person’s name to one’s offspring, so there’s a small but significant number of humans with names that are definitely not human names because their parents chose to honor an alien friend or benefactor with a namesake.

Some humans are amused to be assumed to be another species. Some don’t seem to care, or are apologetic, apparently assuming that the confusion must be embarrassing or upsetting to the other party. A few get offended, but the other humans tend to agree that those ones are jerks and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Chinese Zodiac Signs: Keywords

[Rat]: charming, aggressive, versatile, quick-witted, social, secretive, profit-oriented, playful, indulging, meticulous, honest, lazy, generous

[Ox]: calm, patient, methodical, intelligent, boorish/rough, uncouth, choleric, stubborn, leader, traditional/conservative, family-oriented, reliable, loyal

[Tiger]: brave, confident, irritable, impetuous, rebellious, lone-wolf, authorative, strong-willed, impulsive, wild, fighter, intense, passionate

兔/貓 [Rabbit/Cat]: ambitious, well-mannered, vain, social, tactful, graceful, calm, peaceful, receptive, selfish, melancholic, cautious, charming, virtuous

[Dragon]: lucky, lively, reliable, gullible, fortunate, authorative, kind-hearted, enterprising, conceited, tactless, quick-tempered, enthusiastic, talented

[Snake]: elegant, graceful, greedy, protective, wise, seductive, astute, quiet, intelligent, intuitive, materialistic, jealous, passive, flexible, possessive

[Horse]: fiery, social, active, assertive, impatient, hot-headed, childish, egotistical, ambitious, honest, independant, moody, passionate, hard-working

/山羊 [Sheep/Goat]: creative, fickle, charming, stubborn, undisciplined, dependant, adaptable, well-mannered, soft, altruistic, whiny, gentle, resilient

[Monkey]: mischievous, moody, humorous, amiable, selfish, smart, original, diplomatic, unscrupulous, curious, opportunistic, sly, eccentric

雞/公雞 [Chicken/Rooster]: observant, aggressive, rough, open, talkative, gossiper, courageous, lazy,  resourceful, hard-working, vain, indulging

[Dog]: loyal, restless, moral-driven, pessimistic, cynical, smart, trustworthy, cooperative, stubborn, honest, just, selfless, generous

[Pig]: compassionate, gullible, naive, gallant, trustworthy, intelligent, curious, materialistic, warm-hearted, strong-willed, concentrated, boundless

The decision to learn a foreign language is to me an act of friendship. It is indeed a holding out of the hand. It’s not just a route to negotiation. It’s also to get to know you better, to draw closer to you and your culture, your social manners and your way of thinking.
[Teaching] a foreign language is an act of commitment, generosity and mediation.

It’s a promise to educate – yes – and to equip. But also to awaken; to kindle a flame that you hope will never go out; to guide your pupils towards insights, ideas and revelations that they would never have arrived at

—  John le Carré, in an article for The Guardian

The worst part about so much of Discourse regarding social interaction and manners is that instead of saying “hey, if you struggle with communicating in social situations, let’s try to think up other ways you can express appreciation when someone else does something for you,” it’s “yep you were just born damned to be an asshole, nothing to be done about it”

  • Person: you have such a quirky personality, and I think your mannerisms are cute :)
  • Me: thanks, I borrowed them from my coworker, best friend, and the main character of the tv show I've been watching recently.

Clark Kent gets in lots of arguments about social justice. He’s been called a “cuck” multiple times.

@everythingsucksbutthatsokay

Astrology Thoughts for November!

Instead of vague monthly horoscopes, here are some thoughts on each sign:

Aries are often associated with athleticism due to their high energy image but they suffer from lethargy and burnout quite easily. Many prefer expending their agile minds into social or intellectual energies (especially if they have Air sign planets).

Taurus can have a superficial and sensual side that lead to a lot of drunken make-outs, love affairs and one-night stands that can surprise people that don’t associate their calm routine-oriented friend with such risky or carnal behavior.

Gemini’s curiosity leads them to having a Scorpio-like collection of knowledge, learning things before it’s age appropriate but unlike Scorpio, they tend to understand adult concepts only superficially and with a humorous approach.

Cancer attracts friends and followers easily, possibly because they do not aim to act in ways that attempt to gather power or popularity. The Cancer personality has a reflective light and social sensitivity that wins over others.

Leos have a very hard time admitting when they are wrong. In romantic affairs, this can be their downfall. They need a partner that is patient and graceful but also can be gently assertive. To make up for it, Leos are big-hearted and see their lovers as the sun and moon.

Virgos tend to mature and relax as they get older by dropping their initial idea of what it means to be “perfect.” They evolve when they focus more on their character and goodwill instead of their outer image, allowing for superficial imperfections.

Libras do not lack individuality and like the other two air signs, have odd and quirky behaviors in spades. Their famous charm covers good manners and social grace as well as an ability to keep people amused and laughing (see: Carrie Fisher). They tend to take themselves lightly but their intellectual thoughts and opinions seriously.

Scorpio’s insightful nature makes them great at uncovering and disseminating information, putting them in careers and fields we tend to associate with the air signs: intellectual spheres, academia, news and media, journalism and so on. They’re unafraid to take sides and push an agenda they believe in, unlike the air signs.

Sagittarius corresponds with the benefic, Jupiter simply because they just appreciate life and have an exploratory and philosophical nature. Their first instinct is rarely fear but a sense of cosmic learning and as the mutable fire sign, they really can “roll with the punches.”

Capricorn can surprise us by being one of the most romantic signs due to their hard-working nature and desire to support others. They tend to be bachelors and bachelorettes, waiting a long time to commit to one person and finally pouring a lot of energy into that relationship. 

Aquarius people have strong business acumen due to both their ability to predict trends and their impersonal but friendly way of dealing with people of all backgrounds and tastes. They can envision the future and shape their ideals accordingly.

Pisces’ acute sensitivity to rejection comes from the fact that they accept others naturally and without second thought (which can also come across as naivety), lacking any tendency to discriminate so when others reject them, they don’t understand why. 

Hands Off

Steve Rogers x African-America!Reader

A/N: I wrote this because I’ve witnessed this shit first hand and it’s ignorant as fuck. I hope my WOC followers enjoy! And again, I hope I get your experience right, being a woc myself, I want to make sure I’m getting your voice right. Let me know! Short, but simple.

Summary: You encountered a woman who wants to touch your hair.

Originally posted by nerdofallfandoms

Originally posted by londonsblasian

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Alternate Rewards – Relationships

Nothing makes me happier in my campaign as when my players seize on some NPC I’ve created and tell me how much they like or loathe that person. When I hear that, it tells me that my players are buying into that NPC’s reality – that I’ve made that NPC live for them. The same thing goes for a location. If my players get to love a town they’re helping, or to hate a place they’re exploring, then I feel like that place has become a character in and of itself – one that my players have developed an attachment to, either positive or negative.

When you’re looking for ways to reward your players for good roleplaying or successful adventuring, one way to do so without involving any real treasure is by developing their relationships to certain NPCs or locations. Have your players rescued a minor noble? Maybe that noble now becomes a patron, offering them quests or sponsoring them to meet that noble’s liege lord. My players rescued a minor Baron and his family from slavery in the Underdark, and now they have an invitation to stay at the Baron’s manse in the capital city of Estwald during the New Year’s celebrations. Not only that, but, between their exploits against the orcs in the military and this Baron’s contacts, they will be dining will the King of Summerlund on New Year’s Eve! No doubt this will lead to all manner of social activities and possible adventures.

It doesn’t need to be a noble family to be a worthy reward. In my last session, four of the sailors the PCs are traveling with were killed by wyverns. Eustace, the minotaur cleric, is insisting on casting Raise Dead on them all, despite the fact that it will cost 500 gold pieces for each one. “Don’t even try to tell me these men’s lives aren’t worth that,” he said, firmly. “We attract danger to ourselves; we are responsible for these deaths.”

In the coming sessions, I intend to bring these four sailors (and the fifth, whom the PCs rescued) into more detail. By raising them from the dead, Eustace has clearly changed the nature of the relationship between them, and I want to reward his player (beyond the Inspiration I’ve already given him for such a magnanimous act) by letting him see the positive results his actions have.

A relationship with a place can be really valuable to cultivate as well. If the PCs are protecting a town or developing relationships with the locals, there are good ways to get them invested. Anything from a local flower girl smiling and shyly pressing a flower into her hero’s hand to a tavern holding a feast in their honor can make the PCs start to feel invested in a place. Then, when that place becomes threatened, you can bet the PCs will feel motivated to step up and take action.

Sometimes it can be very enjoyable to foster a positive relationship with people or places that a player’s character does not like. Ghost, the shifter ranger, does not care for goblins. Understandable since goblins (and their barghest leader) wiped out her village when she was small. Recently, however, the PCs have traveled in the goblin kingdom of Gristamere. Not only that, but, in honor of services rendered, he has given them honorary membership in the Redwing Regiment – a most prestigious order that non-goblinoids are rarely ever considered for. Ghost’s distaste for the whole affair is palpable, but she’s been forced to (grudgingly) admit that not all goblins are bad.

Getting your players to feel invested in people, places, and even things in your campaign can really develop their relationship to your campaign. It promotes a buy-in to that world’s reality. After all, it’s hard to think of a world as make-believe when you actively care about its inhabitants. Relationships between your player’s characters and elements of your campaign world can be very rewarding to cultivate.

Giving shit to creators and authors about the direction episodes/chapters went is what causes the stop of content flow and abruptly ends stories.  

You attack them for no real reasons anymore too. You do it because your fictional ship didn’t become canon and another one did, or because a certain character wasn’t pure and innocent and perfect and has actual flaws, makes awful choices and does awful shit, or how the creator is female or male, is heterosexual or homosexual, and shouldn’t be writing/creating certain things because of that– like, really? 

You get upset when mentally ill people aren’t portrayed as cute and adorable and endearing all the fucking time, where creators try to accurately portray that we struggle to meet society’s social interaction norms and mannerisms, that we don’t always make the correct choices when it comes to ourselves and those around us, we can break and lose it, and impulsively let our emotions, pain, and illness control us, that we don’t always seek out the best company(this is specific on how tumblr fucking romanticizes and forces the idea mental illnesses are cute and easy to handle, when no the fuck they aren’t and can be devastating) and a long list of other shit that many people like to ignore or not acknowledge about mental illnesses and how difficult is it to handle them. It does not demonize mentally ill people when shows or stories do this, portray a mentally ill person mentally ill as accurately as they can, it’s bringing to light to what it really is and how badly it can affect us.

You whine and bully over anything, instead of being grateful that the authors and creators fucking pay attention to you, the fans, and try to be kind and answer questions and interact with you.

anonymous asked:

I'm not trying to pick a fight, just confused. Like, if a trans girl has fully transitioned and only interested in women, can't they call themselves a lesbian? If not, what should they calm themselves? I get lesbians not being into people with dicks of course but like, no dicks involved. It's all confusing

First of all, thanks for being respectful. People have been to quick to insult.

So I think one of the issues here is the common portrayal of femaleness and womanhood as the absence of male characteristics. Surgical removal of male genitals is not the same as having a vulva. Same way that surgically bifurcating your tongue doesn’t make you able to perceive the presence of molecules in the air through your Jacobson’s Organ like a snake.

Mor than that, being a lesbian is not simply about the absence of penis. Males love to try to define and categorize women according to whether they will fuck them or not, but being a lesbian is about being female AND being exclusively attracted to other female people, and genitals are not all that matter. Lesbians connect to other women in great part because we have the shared experience of living through the world as female. We were socialized in a similar manner. We have this non-verbal understanding that comes from years of living in a world that has certain expectations from you since you were born. And as much as it might be painful to admit that, there are some things that trans women will never understand. Trans women, being born and raised male through their formative years, have a second-hand understanding of what it is to be a woman, which leads to some really unnatractive behaviors, like forced over-the-top hyperfemininity and infantile mannerisms, as well as male-socialized behaviors they don’t even like to admit they have, like sexual entitlement, dominating posturing, talking over people, threatening violence and the complete inability of taking criticism.

Female-born people learn womanhood by being beaten over the head with it from the time we were born. From the disappointment of your father because you’re not a boy, to having your ears pierced before you’re even old enough to sit up by yourself, to having lower expectations about your potential. We were forged into womanhood, and it hurts. It break us. But it gives us a sort of resilience too, a kind of unwyelding bravery that only women have. The kind of exhausted defiance that you only get by going out every single day into a world that thinks you should be confined indoors, by coming home late at night every day knowing that if something happens to you everyone is gonna say it’s your fault. It takes a lifetime to acquire this resilient quality. Talk to a really old woman sometime, listen to her. They get to a certain age where they reach a breaking point and stop giving a shit about what anyone else thinks, and it’s amazing. This is why male supremacy has historically been afraid of old women.

Trans women, on the other hand, learn womanhood by emulating what they think women are, and this perception is invariably male-biased. Trans women want to emulate porn stars and pop divas. Never seen one of them say they learned to be a woman by watching their mother. None of them want to be one of those tired working women on the train at 9PM, sleep deprived and with sore feet, who are just leaving work and thinking that they’re gonna have to get home and make dinner and clean the kitchen and bathe the kids and then try to get some sleep to start it all over again tomorrow. No, they wanna be Beyoncé. They wanna be glamorous superstars, without realizing that there’s nothing glamorous about being a woman. And boy, they get SO pissed when you point this out. They just don’t get it, and they don’t even want to.

And this is why trans women cannot be lesbians. Not only they are not female homosexual individuals - the actual definition of what is a lesbian - but they also lack the life experience and outlook that would make them interesting to a lesbian.

I’ll leave you with a question here. Why don’t these trans women who are attracted to women date each other instead of bothering women who are clearly not interested? Why do they consider that they’re good enough for us, but they don’t consider other trans women good enough for them? Why should we settle for “uh at least there’s no dick” when they require a legit vulva in their relationship?

And why are we lesbians always the ones who have to be flexibilizing our boundaries and scuffling around to make everyone happy in detriment of our own needs and wants?

Think about that.

ginaisinthediner  asked:

how would a person know if they're FE function is well developed (im an ENFP just lettin u know)

That depends on what you think Fe is.

I had a discussion this morning at breakfast over why some people, of any type, seem to be totally oblivious to what is culturally or socially appropriate, and the inevitable theory was that some people are simply not tuned in to other people, regardless of type.

You can be TUNED IN (paying attention to their cues, their comfort, their needs, and their feelings) to other people regardless of type.

I have seen not-tuned-in high Fe’s:

  • Bring up inappropriate things in public for discussion, in a mixed group
  • Assert their political opinions without being aware of or considerate about the opinions of the other people at the table
  • Over-share and make others deeply uncomfortable
  • Say whatever they feel, regardless of whether this is the time or place
  • Bore everyone at the table to death with a long, self-involved speech, monologue, or story
  • Be demanding and inconsiderate of service people, and expect them to ‘change’ to suit what THEY want
  • Refuse to suppress their opinions for group comfort, change their behavior to be more appropriate, or cater to anyone’s demands

I bring this up because Fi’s are often accused of this type of behavior, with the implication that Fe’s can never be that socially inappropriate, and I want you to know it has nothing to do with type, and everything to do with an immature ego and lack of tuning in to other people and the outer world. You can be a total Fe and still be oblivious to other people’s feelings (Norma Bates in Bates Motel).

Fe is about social harmony and attentiveness to other people, right?

Nope. That is not what Fe is.

It’s a mindset. You and me becomes WE. It’s about the free, easy expression of emotions, and the ability to handle them in the moment, as they happen. It enables the Fe to fake feelings to accomplish a task, and to build a sense of camaraderie with and among others, in order to get that task done; it “mirrors” people’s feelings back at them, which helps the Fe feel connected to the other person; and because of this, the Fe is most comfortable with others who share their values. Some Fe’s become skilled enough with it to know what to say to make people feel better (”you always know just what to say…”), and how to deliver criticisms without hurting the other person’s feelings too much.

It is the act of using other people to accomplish things; often by rallying them around a goal. Thus, the natural dialogue of Fe is often “us.”

  • “WE will do the subscriptions this afternoon…” (even though the person speaking won’t be doing them)
  • “WE can accomplish this if we work together!” (the mantra of every Fe politician who ever lived)
  • “WE can get through this!” (even if it’s really just you who is struggling)

Fe wants group harmony in order to accomplish its goals.

Fe is Mr. Selfridge giving rah-rah speeches to his department store employees, to rally them around the store’s new promotional program and help them all feel like they belong and are family, even though he’s really the boss.

Fe is Margaery Tyrell slapping a fake smile on her face and being whatever she needs to be, in order to survive.

Fe is Rory Gilmore going on and on about her feelings to her mother.

So, how do you tell how developed your Fe is?

You tell me.

  • Being polite and appropriate is not Fe.
  • Self-censoring to avoid conflict is not Fe.
  • Being annoyed that someone brought up an inappropriate topic is not Fe.
  • Catering your behavior to fit in with a group is not Fe.
  • Wanting to impact people’s emotions is not Fe (but how you go about doing it differs based on whether you use Fe or Fi).

It’s a method of communication.

It’s a mental mindset.

It’s a framework that influences how you communicate.

I thought I had Fe for a long time, because social appropriateness matters to me. I tune in to other people. I notice if they are bored and avoid going on and on about things they have no interest in. I don’t talk about things with them that I know would make them too uncomfortable, or offend them. I know there is a time and a place for certain kinds of behaviors and ideas. I frown on people who do not observe social conventions, in that manner, because it feels wrong to me to be insensitive or inappropriate. I used to get praise in social settings as a child from adults (which was humiliating for me; unlike a Fe, it did not uplift me or make me feel good about myself, because I can’t be any other way and live with myself) on my behavior. I was never rowdy. I never caused trouble. I never offended anyone. I never drew attention to myself.

I value politeness. I don’t like selfishness. I do not wish to offend (except when I am angry or passionate enough about something that I can’t keep my mouth shut), and often as a writer, I am very aware of my core audience, I try and write something thought-provoking that is not offensive, and I fret a great deal about how my book will be received. (Will this offend this group? Will that offend that group? How can I keep both sides happy?) I do care what others think of me – just not enough to alter my strong ethical opinions to suit them.

Just because everyone is doing it is not a valid argument with me, and if you try and push me to do something I think is wrong, you’re going to get a strong refusal accompanied by an enormous heaping of Fi-judgment on your behavior.

I remember, in particular, one incident from my early teen years, that one might mistake as Fe, but it wasn’t. It went thus:

Teenage Girl: “We should totally do ______.”

Me: “No. It would upset my mother.“

Teenage Girl: “All the better reason to do it then!”

Me: *strong whiff of disapproval, accompanied by a glacial glare* “And why would I want to upset her?” *insinuation: you’re a bad person to suggest it, and we’re done after this*

On the surface, this might seem like Fe, right? I’m choosing my behavior based on my mother’s feelings. Except, it’s not Fe. It’s Fi. My motive was: “I love my parents. I saw someone close to me put them through hell with that kind of behavior, and I will never act like that.”

So really, my motive was: it is beneath ME (Fi) to act like that (Fi judgment); screw this “all teenagers act out” apologetic bullshit, that isn’t me (Fi).

I have no idea if that answered your question or not. But, there it is.

- ENFP Mod

PS: Cue the anxiety of hitting ‘post,’ for fear I might offend someone, and then have to deal with their feelings with my clumsy tert-Te. ;)

Fucked up things about mother! and what they meant, or at least, how I interpreted them

Mother! is a film that marketed itself as like a mystery thriller.

You see a couple living alone in an isolated house with a weird crowd of people coming in for…a reason.

And you think oh, so it’s a mystery. What’s happening? So you go see it.

And what you get is a metaphor about the lives of celebrities and their families. 

Now.

Let me explain my interpretation. 

First- 

Invasion of privacy:

Obviously, all of the people, polite but invasive, were a metaphor for how even the most polite “fans” are still intruding. 

Everything’s normal at the beginning of the film. Even though Jennifer Lawrence is a little uncomfortable with the old man and his wife, she’s still not totally upset. Social manners dictate that she be a kind hostess. And she is, she takes their invasion pretty well, since her husband seems reasonable and kind for letting two strangers in.

These two strangers are just “fans” of his original work. They’re normal people who just admire him. That’s normal, right?

“Fans are people too.”

They’re just admiring. 

At this point, Jennifer Lawrence and her husband are normal people who are just happy that their work gets recognized.

This is “small” celebrity status. 

People who are recognizable, but not uber famous. 

They get to be friendly with fans, get one on ones without people getting weird 

But then….

Fans make their own personal problems somehow related to their celebrity and behave badly when their celebrity’s family or friends tell them to step off, they don’t own that celebrity (*coughs, sound familiar, tumblr?) 

So the two “normal” fans have two fucked up sons. One kills the other. It’s a tragedy. Jennifer Lawrence expresses her condolences, but Michelle Pfieffer is cold and says she couldn’t “possibly” understand while Jennifer’s husband is gracious and “mourns.” 

Michelle Pfieffer is a “fan” who sees her own problems in the lives of the celebrity’s family. 

She then “takes sides” according to how she applies her own tragedy to the celebrity’s situation. 

And she takes the celebrity husband’s side, because he’s “mourning” while Jennifer is uncomfortable with people in the house. 

But this mourning is pandering.

He’s showing only the slightest of true sympathy for them. He just revels in the drama, in being the hero, who comforts all. He is their messiah, he pities their small problems and comforts them because he is a benevolent master. 

Additionally, all of the family members come in, invade Jennifer’s home.

They re-paint.

They jump on her sink even though she TELLS THEM REPEATEDLY that it hasn’t been braced yet.

Then it BREAKS. 

Like this is just the beginning.

Celebrities and their families TELL their fans not to do something.

For a practical reason.

But fans do it anyway because they think they’re being cute, playful. They take liberties with celebrity’s possessions, with their reputations. 

They treat the celebrity’s things like toys and then let them clean up the mess while they get off scot free and retreat into anonymity. 

Then the celebrity gets MORE famous. People ADORE him and treat him like a god who can do no wrong, whose every action is sacred. They then DEMONIZE close relatives and friends when they have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT GOES ON WHEN THE CAMERA IS OFF. 

So Jennifer Lawrence has a baby. The madness is over. Her husband is happy because he finally started writing again. He published a book and everyone’s excited. 

She’s happy because it’s just the two of them, plus another, the baby that’s coming. 

There’s no stain under the carpet  (blood, from when one brother killed the other earlier) and she throws away medication she’s been taking the entire movie to deal with the stress. 

But then the paparazzi come. Fans come. They come and they take her husband away from her.

Earlier, he went away for an “emergency.”

He left his wife alone because he “had to” and he assumed that she would be ok.

And she’s an adult, after all.

It was traumatic, but she excuses him because he’s a “good man.”

But in this case?

He just adores the fame.

He leaves her to bask in glory. 

He doesn’t eat dinner with her, a dinner she made specially for him. 

And THEN, he tells everyone to come inside.

They eat her meals. 

They start taking her things, because they “need a piece” of the poet they adore so much.

She tells them to stop but they don’t care. 

This whole part was clearly a metaphor for how celebrities’ lives are treated as commodities. 

Everyone feels entitled to their favorite celebrity’s lives. 

They want a piece of them for themselves, but don’t consider that maybe one day, there’ll just be nothing left of whatever it was that made that person special. 

They also take liberties with her food, her toilet, her possessions, her house.

They tear things off the wall and run off with it. 

They shove her around and don’t care that she’s pregnant. 

And then….

Kristin Wiig the editor, social civil war, and how celebrities are expected to fix the entire world’s problems by being “icons” when they’re really just people. 

Ok, this part of the movie was really weird and kind of tedious. For some reason, the film went from people invading and cutting up her house to…women in cages.

People fighting in the living room with riot masks. 

People getting pepper sprayed. 

Bodies covered in ash all over the floor. 

Nurses and medics rushing to help people lying on the floor, dying. 

And amongst this mess is Jennifer Lawrence and her husband…who inspires people. 

Who sees their suffering and wants to help…but who disregards his wife.

Who starts to see himself as a messiah, instead of as the man he truly is. 

This is a fascinating part which I only understood JUST NOW, as I was typing this! 

Celebrities are our “fantasy.”

The real world is horrible. 

People die in terrorist attacks. 

People protesting are pepper sprayed and beaten. 

Women are sex slaves being sold like goods. 

Disgusting men walk around destroying everything. 

And here we have a celebrity who’s powerless to stop these things. 

And yes. 

Yes, he is a figure of hope. He can offer people some comfort in trying times. 

But he’s also human.

He has his own responsibilities. He’s just a man.

He NEGLECTS HIS WIFE AND CHILD to be the people’s “savior.” 

And that leads us to: 

A baby is taken from her mother, its neck is snapped by the people’s rough handling of it, and its corpse is ripped apart and eaten by his father’s fanatics

Ok, this part was horrific. 

But I understood what it meant. 

He wanted people to see his child because they “asked.”

He really did want to support his wife, at some points, but every time, EVERY TIME, his fans came first.

His image came first. 

He took her baby from her after it was born after assholishly waiting for two days for her to FALL ASLEEP.

Then he gave it to the crowd.

And they tore it to pieces.

Clearly, this was a metaphor for a celebrity’s family.

Everything they do is consumed by the public. 

The babies of celebrities are neatly folded into consumer goods the moment they’re born.

They’re battered by scandals and by the public’s eye. 

It was brutal to watch and I think the message there was that we don’t consider how it would feel to be born with a spotlight on you and your every action.

We take it for granted, our privacy.

Our right to live our lives unmolested. 

But kids?

Kids of celebrities are always being “held up” and “eaten” in a way. 

Ok, so the scene ends with the baby being eaten and with one fan saying, “We’re so sorry for your loss…but he will not be forgotten!” 

This to me says that people will apologize for their actions…but not mean it. 

They’ll never learn their lesson; they’re just sorry their dark side was exposed to the light.

They’ll hide it away again until the next situation comes along. 

Then…

Jennifer Lawrence’s husband refuses to apologize and he refuses to change his ways EVEN AFTER HIS BABY WAS KILLED

Seriously. 

His baby died and what does he tell his wife?

“I’m sorry…but we can make something out of this tragedy! It wasn’t for nothing!”

It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Jennifer Lawrence is disgusted, rightfully, because he’s just thinking about himself.

he didn’t care about her or her baby. 

he cared about the publicity. and now that the baby is dead…he still thinks of himself as the people’s god.

he “makes” tragedy into yet another moment of worship. 

And then a scene that just wouldn’t end…..

Jennifer Lawrence is brutally beaten by a crowd calling her a whore and her shirt is ripped at and I’m forced to see her boobs popping out 

Ok so…this part was really upsetting. 

You thought a tiny helpless baby having its neck snapped and its corpse eaten was as bad as it got?

no. 

After her baby is killed….what happens?

She stabs a bunch of people with glass.

And then they descend on her, screaming, and beat her brutally, punching her in the face, in the stomach, tearing at her shirt.

Her boobs pop out.

And then her husband FINALLY comes to her rescue.

Now. 

This part?

Well.

A celebrity’s family member is angry at her privacy being violated. Or she’s angry about a way she’s been portrayed in the media.

She lashes out. 

And is mercilessly torn apart by a misogynistic public.

Like I think her breasts popping out wasn’t meant to be sexy at all.

It was literally the grossest thing I’ve ever seen, not that Jennifer Lawrence isn’t hot, just that…

I don’t find people beating a woman’s nose in and then kicking her still pregnant stomach as she lies bleeding on the floor sexy foreplay.

Plus her boobs aren’t sexually shown.

They’re just there, on display, after a crowd of people beat her almost to death. 

Now. 

This scene to me…makes me think about leaked nudes.

Everyone was calling her a whore. 

Celebrity’s wives are under careful scrutiny, you know?

In a way husbands aren’t. 

So rumor  mills always accuse wives of cheating, or of being shrill, nagging, selfish bitches who don’t support their husbands. 

This to me was the story of a wife of a celebrity who was treated horribly by the public, who’s as human as the rest of us but doesn’t get to be because she’s in the spotlight. 

Her brutal treatment was really symbolic of how people don’t know SHIT about a celebrity’s home life.

They assume they do and demonize anyone deemed “harmful” to their celebrity, who they CLEARLY adore because they can do no wrong….and that includes family members. 

But they don’t know anything. They don’t understand.

And people get hurt. 

Families are torn apart. Love is lost. 

And finally….

Jennifer Lawrence gave everything to this asshole, then blows up the house she built for him, and THEN her burnt corpse still gives him its heart, which becomes the priceless antique that he’s treasured for years 

This was the ending. 

She’s dead. 

She’s burnt everything, the house, their possessions, him, the people. 

And yet…she still gives him the last thing she has. 

Her heart. 

When he never deserved it.

And he takes it, smiling.

And it becomes a priceless jewel, something he’d had in the beginning of the film, which had been broken by one of the many visitors. 

So this part was infuriating because..

then you see another woman waking up in the house, right where Jennifer Lawrence started.

So there you go.

That’s the ending. 

There’s a massive scandal.

The public takes the celebrity’s side, of course.

The celebity’s wife is destroyed socially and publicly.

She’s forever that “bitch” who hurt a good man. 

A brave hero. 

(who let his son die and let his wife deal with this pain all alone). 

She’s burnt every bridge she knows.

She doesn’t have her baby or her husband or her home or anything.

This seems to me like a metaphor for divorce.

The celebrity’s spouse is divorced and has nothing anymore. 

In fact, they have less than what they had before, because at least before they knew anonymity.

Now they know hatred from people who only saw the whole debacle from the side of the celebrity, and only pitied and cared about him, since they don’t know this non-famous, normal, human woman. 

But she still gives him her heart, saying she loves him, loved him. 

And he has everything she ever gave him, all of the support and love, and now that he has it from millions of adoring people?

He doesn’t need her anymore.

He takes what she has left and leaves.

And finds a new woman.

A new victim. 

And it begins again, the scrutiny. 

This movie was fucked up. 

But damn. 

Was it fascinating. 

Because the social commentary is simply phenomenal.

I’m actually kind of bent out of shape about this, because the movie was brutal, but its message was even more brutal when you realize it. 

It wasn’t a mystery thriller like it seemed. 

it was a story about the media. 

And about fame and power that corrupts and destroys people who’re really not that different from you or me. 

All I could think about was Britney Spears and how she had a mental breakdown and all people could do was mock her and make fun of her and shake their heads, telling their daughters how they don’t want to grow up like her.

She’s human. 

Humans are fucked up. They fuck up.

The only difference with celebrities is that their mistakes are horrifically public, and the backlash is much worse. 

So…

I hated this movie.

But fuck, I just realized, I kind of loved it too. 

Edit: I’m a fucking dumbass. It’s an allegory for the Bible. And that’s it. Ok. I’m an idiot. Disregard everything I said.