I wrote a post a while back about how some people are very good at getting away with doing intentionally creepy things by passing themselves off as just ~awkward~.
Recently, I noticed a particular pattern that plays out. While creeps can be any gender, there’s a gendered pattern by which creepy men get other men to help them be creepy:
A guy runs over the boundaries of women constantly
He makes them very uncomfortable and creeped out
But he doesn’t do that to guys, and
He doesn’t talk to guys about it in an unambiguous way, and
When he does it in front of guys, he finds a way to make it look deniable
And then some women complain to a man, maybe even a man in charge who is supposed to be responsible for preventing abuse in a space
and he has no idea what they are talking about, since he’s never the target or witness
And he’s had a lot of pleasant interactions with that guy
So he sympathizes with him, and thinks he must mean well but be have trouble with social skills
And then takes no action to get him to stop or to protect women
And so the group stays a place that is safe for predatory men, but not for the women they target
Mary, Jill, and Susan: Bill, Bob’s been making all of us really uncomfortable. He’s been sitting way too close, making innuendo after everything we say, and making excuses to touch us.
Bill: Wow, I’m surprised to hear that. Bob’s a nice guy, but he’s a little awkward. I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it. I’m not comfortable accusing him of something so serious from my position of authority.
What went wrong here?
Bill assumed that, if Bob was actually doing something wrong, he would have noticed.
Bill didn’t think he needed to listen to the women who were telling him about Bob’s creepy actions. He didn’t take seriously the possibility that they were right.
Bill assumed that women who were uncomfortable with Bob must be at fault; that they must be judging him too harshly or not understanding his awkwardness
Bill told women that he didn’t think that several women complaining about a guy was sufficient reason to think something was wrong
Bill assumed that innocently awkward men should not be confronted about inadvertantly creepy things they do, but rather women should shut up and let them be creepy
A rule of thumb for men:
If several women come to you saying that a man is being creepy towards them, assume that they are seeing something you aren’t
Listen to them about what they tell you
If you like the guy and have no idea what they’re talking about, that means that what he is doing is *not* innocent awkwardness.
If it was innocent awkwardness, he wouldn’t know how to hide it from other men
Men who are actually just awkward and bad at understanding boundaries also make *other men* uncomfortable
If a man is only making women uncomfortable but not men, that probably means he’s doing it on purpose
Take that possibility seriously, and listen to what women tell you about men
tl;dr If you are a man, other men in your circle who are nice to you are creepy towards women. Don’t assume that if something was wrong that you would have noticed; creepy men are good at finding the lines of what other men will tolerate. Listen to women. They know better than you do whether a man is being creepy and threatening towards women; if they think something is wrong, listen and find out why. Don’t give predatory dudes who are nice to you cover to keep hurting women.
You like a language, learn it. Don’t give up on learning it only because it’s not popular, “useful” or your friends don’t like it.
Sticky notes, sticky notes everywhere. If you can’t remember a grammar rule or a word/structure, use sticky notes.
Study daily, even if it’s for 5 min or less.
Learn the first 100-300 most common words, they are like everywhere.
Duolingo, Memrise and Forvo are the holy trinity for every language learner; everyone uses them at some point.
HiNative will save your ass when you have questions.
“Hakuna matata mais quelle phrase magnifique” Disney is your friend, sing disney songs to improve your pronuniation.
Also, watch disney movies. You know the story already so you can focus on the language.
Watch movies with subs in your target language.
Write daily a short text about whatever you want, even about your socks. In 1 month you’d have learned a lot of new vocab.
Talk, talk, talk. If you aren’t a soial person, talk to yourself, to your pet, to a wall; it doesn’t matter. Just force yourself to think in your target language.
If you are busy, Semper is a good app for learning vocab while doing your daily activities.
Use your target language for basic stuff like counting, groceries, complaining etc.
Change your settings on social media. Many people learned English through twitter, facebook, tumblr etc. This can work for other languages too.
Change the settings of your phone too. You use it 24/24, you know what every thing does there so you could learn the name of those setting in your target language.
If you lost motivation, take a break and remember why you started.
If you hit a plateau, that’s most probably because you don’t know enough vocab.
Understand that your progress will be slow after a while. Accept it and keep going.
Lang-8 is a great place if you want natives to correct your texts.
Langblr community is amazing, if you need any advice/explanation, ask a langblr.
Try out many resources but choose a handful that you’ll use daily.
If you don’t know a word in your native language, you don’t need it in your target language.
Accept the fact that you can’t translate every word one by one. There are special structures, word order, particles etc. your target language might not be as your native one.
If you’re bored, look around and name in your target language what you see.
Try to find a language/motivation partner. You will support and help eah other.
You’ll make mistakes, love that! That means you’re learning and you’ll have funny stories to tell in a couple of years.
If you don’t remember a word, make a mnemonic or write it with your other hand; you’ll focus more then.
Learn words in context; you’ll remember them easily after. Clozemaster and WordBrewery are 2 great sites for this.
When you want to read if you are a beginner, choose a book you know. If you are an advanced learner, choose a new book.
Find online a native to talk to. Tumblr is full of natives and langblrs will love to help. Another choice is to find a chat group.
For slang words check out the youtube comment section. Twitter is a good alternative though.
Don’t waste money on fancy programs. Some can be found for free and some aren’t so good as they claim they are.
When you learn a new word, try to make a couple of examples in your head.
Read articles. They use simple structures and actual expressions; also, they aren’t boring.
Youtube is your friend, don’t be afraid to use it. Watch movies in your target language so you can get used to how real people talk; most programs/apps speak slowly and they try to make themselves clear but that’s not real life.
You’ll have an accent; don’t worry, it will go away after a while.
Age doesn’t matter, everyone can learn a language; you can be 5 or 50, the only difference is how you learn.
Don’t just learn, revise as well.
As a beginner you will translate everything from your native language and that’s okay. People will correct you and you will learn.
If you like to read fanfiction, read it in your target language and use the ReadLang extension when you don’t know a word; it’s faster than google translate.
Beware of those vocab lists you see on tumblr. Not everything might be right.
Flewent is an extension that translates a certain % of what you read in your target language. It’s a fast way to learn new words while doing your homework or whatever.
Prepositions are a nightmare to everyone. To have a more pleasant life, try to find a list with verbs and what prepositions they require.
Children songs are catchy, use them to learn vocab faster.
Pay attention to false friends. They might look the same with a familiar word but they have another meaning.
Try not to learn 2 languages at the same time, especially if they are from the same family. (e.g. French and Spanish)
If you decide to study 2 languages at the same time, try to study in different places and use different colors for your notes.
You learn faster if you use your target language than if you learn Nth vocab lists.
Try to avoid making the same mistake until it becomes a habit.
Idioms can impress anyone but don’t start learning them too early or too late.
If you have to learn irregular verbs, try to find patterns and part them in groups.
Hard work beats talent but when it comes to learning a language, there’s no one who has talent. There are people who have a good memory or can figure out patterns but that can be improved so no need to worry if you progress slowly.
Don’t compare yourself to someone who studied a language for years. Everyone progresses in their own way.
Everyone has another method, if it doesn’t work for you, it’s not the end of the world. Just experiment and figure out what works for you.
Classes are a waste of time, don’t think to pay for one.
Try to learn vocab that interests you. You’re a Harry Potter fan? Learn magic terms. You like cooking? Learn cooking terms. etc.
Flashcards are a nice way to learn vocab. Make some and study them before going to bed.
Learn chunks of vocab, not single words. (e.g. Buy a bottle of milk; Brush your teeth; Wash the red car.)
Use the diglot weave technique. Basically you
insert foreign words into a sentence of a language you already know
Taking breaks is fine but try not to take a break of Nth months.
Decide what skill you want to improve first. You can never improve everything equally so try to focus on what you need/want the most.
Set a big goal (e.g be advanced in French) but remember to have small goals too. (e.g. read Harry Potter by the end of this season)
Watch people talking. Join a chat and “spy” others if you don’t feel like talking yet.
Associate word - image - sound. Don’t just learn plain words, if you learn the word for tree, think of a tree or search an image with one.
Learning a language takes time, don’t expect to know it perfectly after only 1 week.
Immersion is hella frustrating but it pays off in the end.
Don’t study when you are too tired. You have many chances to learn nothing then.
Find someone you admire so they can motivate you.
Use a bilingual dictionary not only for finding specific words but just for the sake of reading.
After you’ve read 1 page/chapter from a book, try to make a summary in your target language.
When you read books, try to see if you can find the audiobook as well. (Youtube might have it) In this way you know the correct way of saying certain words.
Try to make it fun. If it’s fun to have a schedule do that, if you enjoy more watching movies, do that. Don’t make your learning journey a burden.
Break study time into smaller chunks
Know your learning style.
Try to have a notebook/diary/agenda where you write down what you did daily to improve.
When you feel like giving up, think how many new stuff you have learned.
Your attitude plays an import role. Try to avoid thinking how “difficult” a language is, instead think how good you will feel after you learn it.
ReadLang and Linguarana have videos with subs in many languages, if you like learning with videos, give them a try.
Anki is an amazing app with flashcards for several languages so you don’t waste time making them and they have a daily limit of cards so you don’t burnout.
Physically writing down a word can help seal it in your memory.
Say new words out loud and pay attention to your pronunciation.
If your target language has another alphabet or a writing system, don’t be afraid to learn it. Take a couple of days and master it.
Always have an app or a dictionary/notebook with you. While you wait for a taxi you can study a bit.
If you don’t understand a grammar rule, search some articles about it, take 2-3 days to understand that concept.
Then I’m not surprised that Panic! At The Disco came from the lyrics of “Panic” by Name Taken (Panic at the disco/Sat back and took it slow).
Mikey Way used to work at a Barnes & Noble. While stacking books during his shift, he saw a book by Irvine Welsh called Five Tales Of Chemical Romance. He wrote the title down and showed it to his brother Gerard after he came home. Gerard agreed with the name for the band - he just added “My” to make it personal.
While performing for the first time, Fall Out Boy was nameless at that time. The band asked the audience to give them name suggestions. One of the audience yelled out “Fallout Boy”, who is the sidekick of Radioactive Man in The Simpsons. The name stuck.
Green Day is actually a slang for someone who does nothing but smoke marijuana all day.
AC/DC was an acronym for “Alternating Current/Direct Current” on a electric sewing machine. Kinda fits the rhythm of the band if you think about it.
Black Veil Brides is a Roman Catholic term used to describe a woman who gives up her pleasures after getting married in a church so she could devote her life to God. Since marriage is the happiest moment of one’s life, the opposite of it is be having to attending a beloved’s funeral.
Imagine Dragons is an anagram of letters from different words. The band kept a secret of revealing the words.
Joy Division is the name of a prostitution wing of a Nazi concentration camp from the novel The House of Dolls.
Avenged Sevenfold was mentioned in Genesis 4:24; “If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, Truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.”
Coldplay was originally called “Starfish”. They renamed themselves after another friend’s band, who had named themselves after a book of collected poems, Child’s Reflections: Cold Play.
The Beatles misspelled their name to describe their music “beat”.
Nirvana is a term of Buddhism for a person who succeeds into transcending the human suffering and rebirth through many spiritual practices and meditation.
Linkin Park is the change of name of Lincoln Park, the same park where Chester used to drive past every day for band practice.
Pierce The Veil was a social term that Vic learned in his Sociology class. According to his professor, “piercing the veil” is a fancy term for cutting the root of a problem before it influences you.
Twenty One Pilots got its name when Tyler was in theatre class. The play he was studying was All My Sons which involved the main character allowing the flight of various planes after finding faulty parts. Due to his actions, the protagonist becomes responsible for the deaths of 21 pilots.
There are a couple reasons how The Who got its name. The most popular was that Pete Townshead’s grandmother often called popular bands “The Who?” due to her impaired hearing.
Of Mice & Men named themselves after the novel by John Steinback.
Paramore is a respelling of paramour which means “secret lover”.
Iron Maiden is the name of a torture device.
Foo Fighters were used by the Allies during the WWII to describe UFOs.
Evanescence means a disappearance/dissipation like vapor. The band chose this as they find it as the description of the temporal nature of life.
Asking Alexandria was named after Alexander the Great.
“All Time Low”was mentioned in the song “Head On Collision” by New Found Glory.
Led Zeppelin refers to the Hindenburg disaster. Before the band was formed, Keith Moon and John Entwistle made a joke of how a supergroup containing themselves, Jimmy Page, and Jeff Beck would be a “lead balloon”, a British idiom for disastrous results.
Muse originates from the fact that the bandmates heard someone from their hometown suggested that a muse is hovering Teignmouth, England to explain why many of the town’s populace are becoming members of band.
The Misfits is the name of the 1961 film.
Yes, there are some bands whose names are inventive and original but seriously. There are many musical groups that I can count whose names come from something.
Listen up y’all! Because when it comes to this topic:
I have had it with people saying you can’t enjoy something that doesn’t ‘belong’ to your culture. Apparently you’re racist if you’re a white girl dressing up as Tiana for comic con. Or if you’re wanting to adapt a story from China into a blockbuster movie. Or if you’re trying to cook an ethnic meal even if you have no experience. Because according to Tumblr (and alarmingly a lot of colleges) it’s ‘culture appropriation’ to even be curious about another country. Seriously. I had to write a paper to explain that you can still enjoy Mexican food even if you’re not from Mexico. And people argued with me. My professor argued with me! They all claimed that if you enjoy food from other cultures that you were stealing from that culture! Really?
I see this kind of attitude all the time about media too. Like, people flip out when they see a black girl playing Eponine from Les Miserables. Or when a predominately white school is performing The Wiz. People just jump into blind hate and claim that these performers are racists… but most of the time these performers are doing a role or a show because they love it. Because they connect with it in some way.
Here’s a quote we all need to read:
“You don’t need to be the same ethnicity as the story you’re watching in order to identify with it. If the story is told well. It [a good story] is about relating to people that you may not necessarily think you’re going to relate to in the beginning, but by the end you’re going ‘That’s me.’ ”
The guy who wrote In The Heights and Hamilton, which did WONDERS in including people of all different ethnicities in mainstream musicals. AND in the interview he said that he was inspired from when he saw Fiddler on the Roof when he was six years old. Even though he was Puerto Rican and the show was about Jews and Russia- he related to the story about the sacrifices you make for your family. Because that’s something that everyone can relate to.
In other words, a good story can speak to anyone regardless of culture and that’sokay!
It’s okay for a Japanese cast to perform In The Heights. It’s okay for an African American to play Éponine in Les Miserables. It’s okay for people to adapt a J-Pop song into English. And it’s okay for a predominately white school to perform Hamilton or The Wiz.
If people are doing something because they genuinely love it, then there is nothing wrong with that. And this applies to everything!!!
If you’re a white girl wanting to wear dreads in your hair because you think it looks cool- GO FOR IT!If you’re a Korean man who loves listening to Latin music-GREAT! If you’re an Irish kid obsessed with learning Japanese- AWESOME! If you’re British and want to try out for Hamilton- NICE! If you’re an African American who jams out to K-Dramas- SWEET!If you’re an American who has moved to South Africa because you want to learn more about local tribes- THAT’S SO COOL!
People shouldn’t be guilt tripped into staying in their own cultural norms. I hate it when people say “you can’t enjoy this thing because it belongs to another culture.”
Doesn’t that sound a bit racist? Scratch that. IT SOUNDSA LOT RACIST!
Yo, I can kinda see where the anger comes from. I know there are people who claim to know a lot about a different culture… when they obviously don’t by their actions or mistreatment to those who actually belong to that culture. But there is a HUGE difference between those who are being “entitled” and those who just haven’t learned enough yet. Learning about a different culture takes time! Man, it takes several years just to learn a different language. Much more to learn about social norms and values.
And if they get a few things wrong… for crying out loud, show some mercy! No one is perfect. Stop with the “all or nothing” mentality. Show some compassion for those who genuinely want to know more about your amazing heritage/culture.
Because most of the time these people are trying their best to learn! In fact, 99% of the time, they’re self conscious because they know they are an outsider to your thing. But you can teach them. Share your culture. Let it thrive! Give people a chance! If you treat outsiders harshly for learning and enjoying your culture, then you’re harming your own representation.
Here is 10 things I tell my students on the first day of class about building yourself up into being a artist. This is starting point, not a all encompassing list. Hope you find it helpful!
1. Never stop experimenting. When you stop trying new things your style will get stagnant. Developing your style never has an stopping point, you’re going to continue learning and changing–that is a good thing.
2. Don’t draw to please a particular person or audience. It is tempting to draw something you think the person viewing it will like. It starts with drawing to please a friend/family member, then a teacher, and then a wider audience online or in person. However, consider drawing to please yourself first, an audience will follow in time and you will face a lot less burn out down the line. You’ll be hired for this, work you made out of something you liked crafting–not something you forced yourself to craft. Don’t make art that makes you miserable.
3. Learn the basics. Get good at anatomy (human and animal), perspective, creating depth, lighting, etc–then break the rules you’ve learned. Work, no matter how abstract, pushed, and pulled is always stronger when informed by a mastery of the basics.
4. Practice working in ways that do not hurt your hand. Learn to draw with a relaxed hand and draw in long strokes. Both of these methods help prevent issues with your hand, wrist, and arm. I’ve never gotten carpal tunnel, and I draw on a daily basis, because I have learned how to treat my hand well. Your hand is your tool, if you wear it out there isn’t a new one you can just pick up. The best treatment for any possible physical issues is prevention.
5. Learn how to draw without erasing. It is scary and it is tough no doubt! However the best way to become more confident is through not erasing. There is a medium for everyone to try this out, whether it is pen or non-erasing colored pencils. If you want to ease yourself into this method try out Pentel red lead, it erases a bit–but overall will always leave a mark with every stroke you make. The importance of this is learning to not be afraid of mistakes.
6. Draw from life, from reference photos, and from imagination. This trio is important, combining all three is usually how you build great drawing skills. Drawing from life gives you the ability to capture small details that you’ll remember to put in when drawing from a reference photo, drawing from refs will give you the practice you’ll need to handle whatever subject so that one day you can draw it from your own imagination–see how that works?
7. You’re art isn’t completely unique and that is okay. I can’t emphasis how many people I know who have gotten so hung up on being something totally unique that they burn out fast and never make work again. Now, considering how much art is in the world there is no way that what you create will be 100% unique to you. That is fine, your personality in your work is more of what makes something yours than a “style”.
8. Figure out your work’s personality. On that note finding the personality of your art is important as you go into trying to build your own place in the art world. The personality of a piece is a combination of style, subject, color, shapes, lines, and maybe most important themes (yes subject and themes are different). This combo is what makes your art special. At a loss for where to start figuring out your own personality? Compile a list of 10 artists you love. Why do you love them? Is it the shapes of one artist that speak to you, the line work of another is beautiful, the themes of a third make you feel inspired? Now take the 10 things you love about those 10 artists and start applying them to your own work. This isn’t about copying these artists, it is about the inspiration. That line work you love in another artist’s piece is gunna look different in yours for example. Those themes from another artist, well when you take them on your life might inform them in a opposite way. In time your inspired work will evolve into something that is your own.
9. Talent is nice, persistence is more important. Someone may be naturally talented in some areas of art, however someone who is persistent in their craft is so much more likely to succeed. Effort, continued growth, and practice will add up to so much more in the long run than just skating by on “talent”.
10. Be a good person. Treat others with respect, learn about social issues, don’t be a creep, and use your art to help people. And this might mean you craft a piece about an important issue that changes thousands of lives, or you might just be creating to help yourself get through the day. Both are important, after all you are a person too and you should always be trying to help and be kind to yourself.
2) Rape, sexual assault, harassment, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying, depression, eating disorders, anxiety, etc… Those are to be taken very VERY seriously. It’s not something to joke about.
3) If you are racist/homophobic or close-minded like that, this isn’t a place you wanna be.
4) People here say that you must not EVER speak of tumblr outside of tumblr, and that specifically includes mentioning your url on facebook/twitter or connecting your tumblr to them. And you know what? They’re right. We come here because tumblr is that place where we can express ourselves the way we want, and in a way stay safely anonymous from our own life outside of tumblr. Here (whether by posts, reblogs or tags) we reveal more of our identities, thoughts, secrets, insecurities, moments of insanity etc… than we would ever reveal on other SNS. If you’re interested in revealing yourself so openly to your social circle of family and friends outside of tumblr, if you’re ready for it, then I won’t judge you. Go ahead.
5) There are real people behind their computers/phones on this site. Real people who can have their feelings hurt. People have enough shit to deal with in their lives so don’t be that anon hater/cyber bully and make things worse.
6) Tumblr loves animals.
7) Your “I’ll just check my dash for five minutes” will turn to five hours of scrolling and reblogging.
8) DON’T fuck with superwholock. They will come for you.
9) Supernatural has a gif for everything. Don’t even try to test them, there’s no point.
10) Gifs everywhere.
11) No one really knows how to pronounce ‘gif’
12) I like your shoelace.
13) DON’T try to take credit for something you did not do. Always give credit to the artist/photographer/blog if you repost but still, there’s a reblog option for a reason.
14) There are too many sides of tumblr to count.
15) Science side of tumblr can explain anything.
16) Fandom side of tumblr can hijack any post.
17) DO NOT INSULT SOMEONES SHIP.
18) No one spells Benedips Cumbercumber’s name right.
19) Harry Potter is a beloved.
20) Kpop fandom are in constant ‘too many feels’ mode and are always unable to can.
Shabbat is especially recommended for activists… I was zealous for my causes, and these were many– US imperialism in Central America, violence against women, homelessness, and nuclear power and weapons were a few of the social ills I felt compelled to change. The Talmud teaches, ‘If you have the ability to influence the people of your city not to do wrong and you do nothing, you are also responsible for the wrongdoing.’ This is the rabbinic statement on complicity. I did not want to be complicit…My physical and emotional limitations banged up against my moral urgency to repair the world. What to do? Shabbat is a Jewish response, providing tools to navigate such moral and ultimately irreconcilable dilemmas….There is a rhythm to the universe. We act and build and create and repair for six days, and then we stop.
David Jaffee, “Changing the World from the Inside Out,” 212-213; Babylonian Talmud Shabbat 54b
The brain of a lemon shark, being comparable in relative mass to that of a mammal or bird, suggests they have the ability to learn from social interactions, cooperate with other individuals, and have the potential to establish dominance hierarchies and stable social bonds.
Jumping up on sofa with all feet is not on verbal cue and we did not practice it before (often I warm up for a copy session with the known cues so that she has a better chance at getting it right). I demo’d it, she copied it! Mind blown.
I tried later (not on video) and then it didn’t work anymore but she was kinda tired so.. still, I’m pumped!
I have been in a low-energy state so frequently lately that I feel like I’m accomplishing nothing and contributing nothing to my life or anyone else’s. To try to combat this, I made a list of things I like to do (or don’t hate doing) that can help me get through a day. The less time you waste trying to decide what to do with your time, the better, because that shit is so exhausting.
I felt like I’d share this in case anyone wants some ideas for when you feel totally overwhelmed, exhausted, bored, and frustrated. Here goes!
▪ Listen to audiobooks or podcasts
▪ Edit photos on apps like pixlr or instagram
▪ Look up and bookmark some recipes you’d like to make soon
▪ Play guitar, laying down if needed
▪ Research or plan out future volunteering
▪ Read about meditation from a book or article
▪ Research or plan out steps needed to do a future DIY or art project
▪ Do some light stretching while laying down or sitting
▪ Do some basic chair yoga or tai chi while following an instructional YouTube video
▪ Bookmark new resources for managing symptoms
▪ Make lists or draw diagrams of things you’re interested in
▪ Watch a Ted Talk or informative video
▪ Read using a kindle or book
▪ Scan through previously bookmarked resources
▪ Watch YouTube videos you’ve marked as “Watch Later"
▪ Build a model from a kit or printed paper template
▪ Socialize via text or online social media
▪ Research future volunteering opportunities or Return to Work programs
▪ Organize, rearrange, tidy up a section of your personal area
▪ Make plans for later this week or next week
▪ Manage medication: call doctors, pharmacy. Refill your pill calendar.
▪ Install updates on your computer
▪ Take a long, hot shower. Use nice soap.
▪ Filing: sort your papers into their folders.
▪ Spend some time with a pet, cuddle.
▪ Socialize in-person
▪ Learn something new: languages, coding, coping techniques, art, new music, DIY projects.
▪ Cook something healthy for today or for the week.
▪ Creative projects: start one and do your best to finish it.
▪ Plan something and execute it, no matter how small. Bonus points if there is a tangible proof of accomplishment like a model or painting or a song you learned.
▪ Go walk around the mall or Target. Doesn’t matter where, you don’t have to buy anything, just get out of the house and walk a little.