social interaction

NTs make social awkwardness into such a ~*cute acceptable relatable ~* thing, and while it’s true that there’s a difference between NTs’ version of social awkwardness, there’s a whole different definition of it for ND people that is definitely NOT ADORABLe

When I say I don’t like to be around people, others say stuff like “yeah I hate people too” but they don’t understand I literally get anxious and disoriented around them and likely even overloaded from the noise and the general presence of multiple people

When I talk about having trouble ordering food, they go “yeah relatable I feel awkward too” but I’m already so uncomfortable with the entire system of hierarchy that has its place in a restaurant, (at least in my mind) and I feel guilty asking anyone for anything in the first place, and then I script my order and repeat it internally for seven times and it still comes out jumbled and muttered so I have to repeat myself AGAIN

Like, I get it. Everyone struggles with being social from time to time.
But dear NTs, when a person with an anxiety disorder or social phobia or autism or literally any neurotype that influences their ability to function in social situations tells you that they struggle with something, please don’t assume they struggle exactly the same way as you, because most likely, we don’t.

sigmastolen  asked:

re: how teens and adults text, I would be super interested for you to explain your theory!

ok SO. a lot of this comes from various stuff i’ve seen on the linguistics of tumblr, but at the heart of it is that people in my generation (at least in the us; idk abt other countries’ timelines on this front) went thru (or are still going thru) our Formative Social Years in an environment where we’d regularly interact with even our closest friends on text-only platforms (whether texting or gchat or fb messages or w/e), and b/c so much linguistic/social information is actually conveyed by facial expression and tone of voice, we’ve collectively made up all of these textual ways of conveying that in a concise, efficient way

so like, sometimes on this blog i’ll talk about “straight people”, and sometimes i’ll talk about “str8 ppl”, and even tho i would pronounce those the same, the first is much more neutral — it would probably happen in the context like “i’m not sure how i feel about straight people writing stories that center around experiences of homophobia” — than the second, which which is much more frustrated/venting — it would be more likely to crop up in the context of “all i want is to live quietly in my little queer utopia but no str8 ppl have to come along and heteronomativity UGH #over it #whatever #NOT RLLY OVER IT”. or even with more subtle things like end punctuation: “i’m not going” basically just means i’m not currently planning to go to the thing; “i’m not going.” carries much more of a connotation of “i have seriously considered going and have Reasons for staying at home” (and note that capital — “i have Reasons for staying at home” feels different than “i have reasons for staying at home”). (and this isn’t even getting into things like shitposting or advanced memeology, but there are specific textual markers that go with things like that, some of which would be pronounced if you read them aloud, but many of which wouldn’t be)

but, crucially, for these kinds of things to carry meaning, they have to be used consistently: if i use “str8 ppl” and “straight people” interchangeably in all contexts (as i do for something like “the supreme court” vs “scotus”), then there’s no way to develop a distinction in meaning between the two — the only way to do that is to consistently use the different orthographies in different contexts. (to take another example: if something is “great”, then it’s solidly good. if something is “gr8”, it’s more in the land of “i can’t quite believe this is as earnest/tacky/tasteless as it is but i’m weirdly into it anyway?” (sometimes with a side helping of “do i just enjoy this ironically or do i genuinely enjoy it there is no way of knowing please send help”))

the upshot of this is that to be fluent in tumblr (or texting, or fb messenger, or w/e) means to actually be paying a lot of attention to subtle points of grammar and spelling, to know when to use “did u kno” or “ur” or even pull out an old-fashioned tip of the hat to “e733T haxxor 5killz”. most of these are very subtle distinctions, the kind of things you feel intuitively rather than write out explicitly, and so it’s very hard to convey them concisely and accurately to someone who’s not already immersed in the linguistic environment

and let’s be real, people in my parents’ generation aren’t. i mean, sure, many of them have facebook accounts, but these kinds of platforms weren’t around when they were in their “really getting to grips with social interaction” years, and their most important social interactions usually don’t take place exclusively online. for me, all of my closest friends are people i’ve only interacted with online for more than a year now (with a few brief face-to-face visits when various travel arrangements have allowed), so tumblr, facebook, and gchat are absolutely critical to my social life and interpersonal interactions; for my parents, their closest friends are people they see in person at work every day, so social media is a light overlay to their social lives, not the thrumming core

as such, my parents don’t grok these distinctions. to them “what are you doing?” means the same thing as “lol wut r u doing”; “gr8” is just like “great” (and “gr9” takes some parsing … ); dogespeak doesn’t have the same distinctive valence that it does to us. since they don’t know about these distinctions, they don’t feel the need to maintain more “proper” spelling/grammar when texting with a friend — different people have different set points for this, obvs, but in general i feel like “standard (setting aside all the class and racial implications in that term …) spelling and grammar” (with lighter-than-standard punctuation and capitalization) translates to “relatively neutral/pleasant conversational voice”, and then deliberate misspellings, abbreviations, letter substitutions, and grammar deviations are markers used to indicate shifts in mood — i have a vague sense that bitterness tends to collapse down and preserve grammar but weird spelling (“lyk w/e im happy 4 u but pls, i kno u lied 2 get that”) whereas enthusiasm tends to preserve spelling but weird grammar (“what i can’t even no how do air AMAZE”). since people in my parents’ generation don’t realize that doing so unintentionally changes the way their words come across, they feel free to text “poorly” (ie with lots of errors/substitutions, generally mixing various text-flagged vocal tones in ways that are often incoherent) in order to do so more quickly (b/c lbr typing everything out can be a pain (esp on a non-smartphone), and since parents don’t do it as much, they’re not necessarily as fast as our spry young fingers on a familiar interface)

so yeah, that’s what i suspect is going on

tl;dr: parents don’t use orthography to mark vocal tone in the way youngfolk do, and thus feel free to condense their texts and otherwise use textspeak. youngfolk are using orthography to mark for tone, and thus text more “correctly” to preserve their social intentions

Humans are weird

So this thing about how aliens would react to humans has been going around and I could think is, how would and alien respond to an human females period.

“Human why are your sheets covered in blood. Have you been mortally wounded? Human we must get you to the medbay you have been injured. Stop laughing human you could be dying.”

Character Development Questions - Relations To Others

1. Under what circumstances does your muse believe rules can be broken? Why?
2. Is your muse comfortable with emotional displays from others?
3. Does your muse believe in sacrifice for the greater good, or do they believe in valuing every individual?
4. Does your muse believe in a strong line between work and personal life or do they prefer to share their personal life with colleagues?
5. How does your muse see social status and connections as influencing their life?
6. How does your muse specifically show they care for others?
7. In what ways does your muse prefer someone else show that they care for them?
8. Is your muse quick to open up to new people, or do they slowly reveal new information about themselves?
9. Does your muse believe that being unique, different, or weird is a compliment or an insult? Why?

Don't judge a book by its cover - Those snap judgements by neurotypicals which exclude autistic people

Thoughts on some research I was reading about how neurotypicals make instant judgements about other people, which tend to be less favourable when the subject is an autistic person. These judgements form another barrier to autistic people wanting to socialise with neuroptypical people as the neurotypicals have already decided they don’t really want to socialise with the autistic person.

The interesting thing about the research is that the results show the negative view of the autistic person is not related to the content of their speech - the actual words they use. The negative judgement (e.g. awkwardness) is based on how they look, move and sound. The research also found that the perception of the autistic person’s intelligence and trustworthiness is not affected in a negative way, these are viewed positively.

To me, this research brings to mind how useful the internet has been. It’s another big thumbs up for the internet because it gives the opportunity to communicate with text only, removing those judgemental barriers! This has also been great for autistic children playing online games for example, helping build their social skills within their comfort zone. (I’m stating this as an observation, and a connection I made with the research, obviously not a recommendation that people should only communicate online via text and not in person!)

Most children are told the idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but of course most people do just that. Demonstration works better, and children learn from the adults and environment around them.

The research:
Sasson, N. J. et al. Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments. Sci. Rep. 6, 40700; doi: 10.1038/srep40700 (2016).

anonymous asked:

tuafw you're playing pokemon showdown battling random people and the person you're battling starts talking to you and you absolutely have no idea how to interact with them nor do you have the spoons for social interaction today that's why you're playing pokemon so you just sit there like um.. Also when the battle ends you don't know if it's rude to say gg or not because you heard that sometimes it's rude apparently but you don't know when it's rude or not and you don't want to be rude Mockingjay

  • My colleague : *asks me if i'm doing something for my vacations*
  • Me : *tells everything in great detail, including meeting a potential boyfriend*
  • My colleague : *bolts with an awkward expression*
  • Me : *Happy to have a successful social interaction*
  • Me five minutes later : Wait, was she just being polite ?
All my friends thought I was a very happy human being. Because that’s how I acted- like a really happy human being. But all that pretending made me tired. If I acted the way I felt, then I doubt my friends would have really hung out with me. So the pretending wasn’t all bad. The pretending made me less lonely. But in another way, it made me more lonely because I felt like a fraud. I’ve always felt like a fake human being.
—  Last Night I Sang to the Monster (Benjamin Alire Sáenz)