social fascism

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VICE NEWS | The Rise Of Swedens’s Far-Left Militants

A list of terms explained.

Capitalism: your mum washes your clothes.
You pay her a dollar.
She complains.
You call the police and claim she’s rioting.

Communism: your mum does the washing. You do the washing. Every night you salute a photo of your dad.

Socialism: your mum does the washing. You do the cooking. Everyone is theoretically happy.

Fascism: your mum does the washing whilst fearing for her life.

Nazism: your mum does the washing. You gas the laundry room.

Feudalism: your mum does the washing and pays you tax.

Liberalism: you watch your mum do the washing and feel really really bad.
“Something.must be done” u say.
Something may or may not get done.

Libertarianism: your mum does the washing. You believe you did it.

Religion: your mum does the washing. You thank god.

Atheism: your mum does the washing. You make a YouTube video demanding peer reviewed evidence she did, in fact, do the washing.

misogyny: you hate your mum whether or not she does the washing.

Patriarchy: your mum doesn’t exist. The washing is mysteriously done.

Men’s rights activism: your mum does the washing.You call her a whore.

Matriarchy: your mum does the washing. You do the washing. you are really happy pilling your weight in the house.

Gamergateism: your mum mentioned in her blog she did the washing. You doxed her.

Feminism: your mum insists you grow up and do your own washing.

White feminism: your mum hired a woman of color to do the washing.

Anti feminism: your mum has left you. A year later, You wrote “fucking whore” with the dirty clothes on the floor.

Hollywoodism: you are Colin Farrell. Your mum is Angelina Jolie. There is sexual tension. An unnamed black maid does the washing.

Islamophobia: your mum does the washing. She left out a sock. You brand her a hygiene terrorist.

Racism: your mum does the washing. She blames black people.

Cultural appropriationism: While your mum does the washing, You steal her dirty clothes mimic her in public. Public gives you money.

Colonialism: you barge into mum’s room. Claim you “discovered” it. Dump your dirty clothes on the floor.

Geekism: your mum does the washing and the cosplay outfit. You build a robot that plays chess and cricket. You sell robot to Google.

Neo capitalism: your mum does the washing.
You pay her a dollar.
You get her to do your mates washing.
Your mate pays you £50.

Corporationism: your mum considers not doing the washing. u pay your mate £35 to lobby on ur behalf. No dice. u sue for “emotional sabotage”.

Americanism: your mum does the washing. It’s in the constitution. END OF DISCUSSION.

Ableism: your mum is doing the washing. She has dementia. You call her a “retard.”

Mis-genderism: “cheers dude” you say, as your mum does the washing. She tells you she’s not a dude. “Whatever dude”, you say.

Mansplaining: your mum does the washing. You tell her how best to do the washing.
You have never done the washing.

Sexism: of course your mum does the washing.
Duh.

Cat-calling: your mum does the washing.
You wolf whistle at her. You are oblivious as to how fucking creepy this is.

Rape culture: it’s mum’s fault she does the washing/she asked to do the washing/she doesn’t do the washing as much as she says she does.

Egalitarianism: that one time you did the washing is proof its all equal and no one needs feminism any more.

Hip hop: everyday im hustling/ every day I’m hustling/ when I bring the basket/mama put the washing in.

Callout culture: your mum’s washing is problematic so you unfollow/block/subtweet/dose her mentions in acid.

Homophobia: you think it’s unnatural that your mum doesn’t do the washing. Against gods will, even.

Hotepism: Black women are queens. The white man is a devil. The black race must open their eyes.
Mum does the washing.

Narcissism: You look good in the clothes your mum washed.

Brexit: you refuse to put your clothes in the basket
In retaliation, your mum no longer does your washing
You wear smelly clothes.

Alt Rightism: your mum does the washing. All the clothes are white
She also has to wear a pepe costume. Because you find it funny.

Polling: there’s a 70% chance you will do your washing on Saturday night
Come Sunday morning it was all done by your mum.

Corbynism: your brother wants to radically change who does the washing
Your brother also hangs out with anti semites and looks shabby.

NASA: Your mum washes your astronaut suit and we only find out 50+ years later.

Toxic Masculinity: Your brother helped your mum do the washing so you called him a pussy to his face/drank all the beer/demanded a fight etc.

Same sex marriage: Your mums do the washing.

So far today:

- Austria’s far-right Freedom Party was defeated in the Presidential election.
- The Dakota Access Pipeline is dead in the water after being denied a crucial permit.
- Italian PM Matteo Renzi’s pro-EU neoliberal reforms are on course for a clear defeat at referendum.
- Birgitta Jónsdóttir, leader of the anarchist direct-democratic Pirate Party, has been asked to form a left-wing rainbow coalition to govern Iceland.

2016 is finally paying us back.