soccer mom in the mini van

aka james and elyse are just as fucked up by adam as he is by them

“So you’re telling me you have to miss lunch because your stupid cat ate one of your figurines? Again?” Lawrence asked, sounding exasperated if not bemused.

“Not the whole figure, just… part,” Adam mumbled, glancing over at the gray calico sitting in his passenger seat, looking much too pleased with himself.

“Hm,” Lawrence grunted. “The head?”

“No, it’s like… you know how the Tacer figure you got me had the exaggerated butt pose?” Adam started, already dreading what was coming next.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I guess this dumb motherfucker knocked it over at an angle where everything from her hips to her knees snapped off the stand and he just-“

“Oh, my God.”

“-Ate it.”

“Oh, my fucking God, Adam, are you trying to tell me-“

“Don’t-“

“That your dumb-ass cat-“

“Please.”

“Ate-“

“Ass! Yes, okay? My cat ate ass!” Adam crowed, grimacing when he received an alarmed look from the soccer mom with her window rolled down in the mini-van next to him. He lowered his voice to a hiss. “Now I have to go and get my cat to the vet before the ass eats his lower intestine.”

Lawrence was still cackling when Adam hung up.

He was still at a red light so he took the down-time to turn and glare at Shinji, who meowed defiantly back at him.

“Why couldn’t you cough up hairballs like a normal cat?”

“Mraow.”

Shinji was still sassing him by the time he pulled into the parking lot of the vet’s office. He turned to the cat, reaching over and tugging on his collar lightly so he climbed into his lap.

“Okay, so I’m already probably gonna have to watch a medical professional pull a plastic ass out of your stomach,” Adam said, slowly, as if to make sure the cat was listening. “Do you think you can resist making me look any stupider than I am already am? Just for a few minutes?”

The look his cat gave him told him enough. He sighed.

“Just thought I’d ask.”

He picked Shinji up and cradled him to his chest. Once he’d managed to wrangle both him and the cat into the vet’s office with both arms wrapped around the animal, he trudged to the front desk, where the nurse was watching him with an amused smile on his face.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“Yeah, I called earlier, about the cat who’d swallowed a… foreign object?” Adam averted his eyes from the nurse, trying not to feel like he already knew every embarrassing detail of this debacle.

“Ah, of course,” the nurse said, reaching for a clipboard and handing it to Adam. “Why don’t you take this and fill it out, and we’ll be all set for Dr. Herbert to see you.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, balancing the cat and the clipboard in both arms before crossing the room to the chairs across the way.

He set Shinji down in the chair next to him, because as mischievous as the cat was, he was lazy as all get out and probably couldn’t be bothered to explore while Adam filled out his information.

He was on the second page when the little bell above the front door jingled and the pitter patter of clawed feet drew his eyes up for just a second.

A blonde mutt walked into the office, tongue hanging out with the closest thing a dog had to a smile on his face. He had one ear flopped down and a raw-looking, pink spot on his nose, but he seemed cheerful as he paused, turning back to wait for his owner to follow him in.

“All right, Benny, I’m comin’!” a voice called after the dog, saccharine sweet like pet owners got. After another second a man entered the room and immediately dropped into a squat to ruffle the dog’s ears. Adam didn’t notice he’d stopped paying attention to the clipboard when he felt the pen meet plastic instead of the paper.

The man was, quite frankly, gorgeous. He was broad, clearly muscular by the way his shirt stretched across his back muscles. His biceps bulged against his baseball tee as he scratched his dog under his chin and even though his head was turned away from Adam, he could see that he had the most chiseled fucking cheekbones he’d ever seen on a human being.

He had been so mesmerized by the man in front of him, he barely noticed the calico cat that was approaching him, or, more specifically, the dog that was now sitting primly and basking in his owner’s affections.

“Well, hey there, little guy,” the man cooed, reaching out and scratching Shinji under the chin.

Oh.

Shinji.

Adam started, turning to the now empty chair to his side before nearly throwing the clipboard down and rushing to collect his cat.

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” he muttered, reaching out to try and pick Shinji up only for him to glide just out of arm’s reach, circling the dog with intense curiosity.

The dog himself didn’t seem to be put on edge by the cat, just watched him circle him, head cocked. He didn’t move except for his tail thumping softly against the tile floor. After another moment of inspection, Shinji sat on his hind legs and reached out to bop the larger dog with one of his paws.

“Shinji,” Adam hissed just as the man next to him let out a long “awww.”

“I’m so sorry, he usually doesn’t goad other animals on like this. He’s just asking to get beat up,” Adam said, turning to the other man and losing his breath when he was met with the bluest pair of eyes he’d ever seen.

“Hey, no problem, man,” the man said, grinning. “Benny doesn’t really pick fights. He’s diplomatic that way.”

Oh God, he was cute and funny.

Adam quickly dropped his gaze from the other’s face before it became too obvious that he was staring and turned to the dog, whose tail picked up speed at the attention.

“So this guy is Benny, huh?” reaching out to scratch at the dog’s floppy ear.

“Benson Derek Willems the Third,” the other man amended and Adam couldn’t help looking over at him, with an eyebrow raised.

“Long,” he said.

“Regal,” he corrected. “And how about this guy?”

“Adam,” he said, perhaps a little too fast. In fact he was sure of it when he saw the confused look on the other man’s face.

“Your cat’s name is Adam?”

Immediately, Adam felt a flush over his cheeks. Of course he’d make himself look stupid in front of this hot guy. “Oh! No, no, I’m Adam, the cat is Shinji.”

“Shinji?” the other man said, a smirk on his face. “Like Evangelion?”

Adam felt his cheeks get hotter, if that was at all possible. Apparently he was allergic to being cool around cute, blonde beefcakes.

“You know Evangelion?”

“Are you kidding? I-“

At that moment, the door jingled again and a woman stepped in, immediately attracting Benson’s attention. He stood up and wagged his tail violently, tapping his feet as she walked over.

“Aww, hi, Benny! I only went to park the car!” she said and fuck, she was cute, too. Long, blonde hair and deep green eyes, round, pert cheeks that lifted when she smiled.

“Babe, Benson made a new friend. Shinji the cat,” the other man said, gesturing to Shinji, who seemed excited to hear the stranger say his name.

“Shinji?” the woman asked. “Like Evangelion?” She looked positively tickled.

“You like Evangelion?”

“Are you kidding?” the woman said, beaming. “It’s our anime night go-to!”

“Wow, really?” he asked, astonished, despite the disappointment in his heart. Here were two cute, anime-loving people who were not only taken, but married to each other. Fantastic. He’s oh-for-two before even trying.

“Oh, my God, James,” the woman whispered suddenly, apparently not as quietly as she thought she was being, pulling Adam from his thoughts. “His tattoo is Evangelion, too!”

Adam swallowed in embarrassment, arm unconsciously falling to the ink on his arm. Can’t he be cool for once in front of people he had no chance with?

“Calm yourself, Weezy,” the man, James, muttered, patting her arm, then turning back to Adam. “So listen, I know this is rather sudden, but after our respective animals are finished with their appointments, would you like to join us for lunch?”

Oh.

“I mean… I’d really like to, it’s just… I don’t know how long Shinji’s thing will be… he kinda… swallowed the ass of my Tracer figurine.”

This time, James was the one gripping the woman’s arm. “Elyse, he likes Overwatch.”

“Please join us for lunch,” Elyse said, grinning. “We’ll wait for you.”

“I- um. Okay,” he said, thrown because he woke up with a dilapidated Tracer figurine and a stopped-up cat and was heading to lunch with an (hopefully) unclogged cat and a lunch date with a beautiful married couple.

“Perfect! How do you feel about Korean barbecue?”

prompts!~

So soccer mom undyne right

raddicalrobot:

Soccer mom undyne, lifting the entire stands at the game to cheer on frisk

Soccer mom undyne driving the team in a mini van going far over the speed limit.

Soccer mom undyne beating up the ref for a bad call

Soccer mom undyne coming to every practice to “train” the children

Soccer mom undyne making sure these kids gET THERE WATER

Soccer mom undyne and papyrus making snacks for halftime

Soccer mom undyne and pta sans providing unwavering support for frisk! And actively protecting frisk!

Soccer mom undyne!!

8

Bones » 2016 rewatch - 3x02 “Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van”

Look, Angie, Um-Agent Frost is a colleague and I am a professional. Okay, so all that stammering and stuff- You know who’s totally hot? You. You are totally.

t1OO Full House AU: Disneyland

ok but imagine the Full House AU family going to Disneyland - 8 adults, 4-6 kids(haven’t quite figured that one out yet)

all of them pile into 3 different cars(a basic soccer mom 7-seater van, Raven’s precious Gloria and Murphy’s mini cooper) to drive down to Disneyland

All the kids want to drive in the cooper ‘cause Murphy’s got the best music and road trip games and always has a secret stash of skittles somewhere; Lincoln drives the van and always plays ‘old people music’ like Beatles and Queen, and Aden always insists on riding shotgun with him. Raven drives Gloria(ofc) and Anya’s always riding shotgun, and all the kids have walkie talkies that they use to communicate between cars

imagine Aden running off with Raven and Octavia to the big kid rides while Lincoln & Bellamy(the ultra dads) make sure everyone knows where to meet up for lunch

imagine Lexa and Clarke just wandering around with a baby(maybe theirs, maybe not, but a baby anyway) and just having a little alone time until they run into Raven and Octavia and Aden and Aden’s got a sugar rush and Clarke scolds Raven for giving him so much sugar

imagine Murphy complaining about the quality of the food but eating it anyway because he’s spent half the day running after lil Kiara and making sure she doesn’t get into trouble and he’s starving

imagine Raven getting Anya and her the ‘mrs&mrs’ hoodies, imagine octavia getting her and lincoln(and their kids) those mickey&minnie ears and making them all wear them but Lincoln’s ears keep falling off cause he’s bald

imagine them carrying the kids, all of them asleep, back to the hotel after a long fun day at Disneyland

andymientass  asked:

Newsies modern au headcanon that Davey drives a hand-me-down mini van to high school just cuz it was the car his family replaced next and he resents this and the newsies make fun of him in good spirits until Davey fully adopts the suburban soccer mom lifestyle and gets those stick figure family window clings for his van with all the newsie boys names on then

oh my gODDDDD 

otpstony  asked:

Stuckony minivan: Really there would be no challenge who would be in middle. Tony cause he's tiny and cute and the soldiers must be on either side of him. The real issue is who gets shotgun so they don't cause an accident while cuddling with Tony.

Okay, that is such a cute headcanon, and normally I would have written it, but when I sat down to write a mini fic for it, all that popped in my head was this tumblr post. So the mini fic came out completely different. If you want me to though, I can write another one much closer to your headcanon.

Here is the mini fic I did write though:

Keep reading

matsuhana / iwaoi + driving hcs

i was speaking to @basickageyama about this and we came to a conclusion

- mattsun is a bad driver, he can’t park at all

- he’s the type to try and joke around by pretending to crash you into a tree but he fucks up and ends up actually doing it

- he uses his mom’s car (a massive mini van soccer mom car)

- his family owns two cars, the other one is a range rover but his mom won’t let him use it (‘mom, can i-’ 'no, issei you cannot.’)

- makki is a good driver and he is really strict about rules

- especially about speed limits

- he has a no eating rule too a ('no matsukawa, you’re not gonna eat and we’re not gonna have sex in here either!’)

- and a silence while driving rule.

- 'hanamaki?’ 'MATTSUN GODDAMNIT DON’T SPEAK TO THE DRIVER!! I WILL TURN AROUND IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP’

- makki is really aggressive wow

- when makki drives mattsun has to sit in the back

- mattsun is crouched down, too because makki needs a 'clear view in the wing mirror’

- when he’s in that position mattsun starts groaning in pain and makki is all 'IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM TURNING THIS CAR AROUND’

- makki wants gas money from mattsun all the time smh

- hanamaki also never drives with more than one passenger

- usually makki takes mattsun with him + the other third years hate him for it

- iwaizumi is a bad driver although everyone thinks he is a good driver

- he nearly killed oikawa and himself once

- contrary to popular belief, oikawa is a really good driver due to natural skills

- iwaizumi is not amused

- iwaizumi stalls the car 100 times before they even get off the street

- he also gets really stressed easily

- therefore, oikawa is the designated driver because iwa and mattsun cannot be trusted with driving and makki, well, he only accepts one passenger

the way it rolls

summary: first things first…Natsu and I are not dating.

pairings: … nalu??? how did dis happen

sidenote: @requests i promise ill work on you…sometime…one of these days…

 .

First things first…Natsu and I are not dating.

Contrary to popular belief, and by popular I mean every single one of my friends, the entire left side of my family, the waitress at Denny’s, my teachers, and that one guy who tried to sell me a vacuum on my way to school.

Honestly, what makes it seem like we’re dating? We’re close, I’ll give you that much – but not the kinda touchy-feely couply crap everyone desires. Natsu and I are friends – always have been, always will.

My theory is, that people have fetish for sticking their noses into other people’s business. I can name a total of seven people who have tried, and subsequently failed, to play cupid with us. It just doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.

“Hey, you’re zoning out again.” Natsu waved his hand in front of my face and chewed the straw of his cherry coke.

“Don’t do that, it’s gross.” I piped up, jut awake enough to scold him for his disgusting habit.

“Why? It’s not like we’re gonna share.” He countered, chewing more vigorously just to grind on my nerves.

See? Totally not couple material. If anything, we’re an anti-couple.

“Whoa. Look at this pancake thing. There’s syrup, butter, and strawberries.” He marveled, lifting up his menu to flash the destructive looking pile of pancakes at me.

Damn. It looked delicious, but…

I looked down at my unappealing boobs. I really needed to lose some weight. If not, my back was going to be the one that paid the price.

“I think I want the sugar free option.” I opted, chewing my lip in silent protest. Truly, what were pancakes, without sugar? Flour? Ugh, I was disgusting myself.

Natsu raised one eyebrow, knowing full well my love for strawberries was greater than my dieting willpower.

 “You sure?” He asked tauntingly. His half chewed straw swirled around in his glass an he moved it in circles hypnotically.

Yes.” I managed to choke out. He shrugged.

“Alright. I think I’m gonna have this heart-attack one, you know cholesterol-“

Ugh. Why must he torture me? It’s not fair that he’s had the metabolism of a blue whale since birth. He can inhale an entire buffet and still be ready for seconds after a moments digestion.

“Luuuuce,” he mumbled, like he was pretending to be my conscience. “Strawberries…

“Fuck you asshole.” I spit at him.

He pretended to look taken aback, holding his heart like I had stung him.

Lucy,” he scolded, voice high and mighty like my father when he thought he was right, “language!”

I rolled my eyes excessively, distracting myself from how badly I wanted to cheat and order the strawberry pancake pile.

“So, what do you think? Senior year, everything’s different now,” Natsu chastised, tapping his watch like we only had one year left to live. I would’ve dignified him with a proper answer if he didn’t start every school year with that phrase.

It was a little tradition of ours. Just us, we go to Denny’s at 9:30, because school normally starts at 7:25, but on the first day freshmen orientation is until 11:30. We eat breakfast, chat, and compare schedules.

This was our last year doing so, I guess. It was a little bittersweet.

“Why did I take so many classes?” I lamented, propping my pointer finger on my forehead and sloping my face down.

“Dunno. All that crap was optional, I’m flying solo this year.” Natsu relaxed.

“Don’t get the senior slide,” I warned, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. “Colleges don’t like that.”

“Blah, blah, blah, college girl. Don’t get the senior slide. You sound like my mom.” He teased.

“Stop chewing on that damn straw, you’re like a rottweiler.”

“No can do mom, this is me now. Accept it.” Natsu held his arms out like he had just confessed a terrible sin.

“Can I get you two some more to drink, and are you ready to order?” The waitress, who was probably in her mid twenties, batted her eyelashes at them and curled her fingers over her little notebook. I couldn’t really tell who she was flirting with, me, or Natsu. Or both?

Apparently, me assuring her that we weren’t dating earlier assured her that making a move on two underage kids was clearly acceptable.

“Yeah, cherry coke.” Natsu slid his glass, complete with mutilated straw, towards her.

“Sprite zero.” I said, a little bit guiltily like ordering sprite zero made me a terrible human.

Natsu made a grossed out face at my choice and I gave him a shut-up glare.

“And, I’ll order one of these heart-stoppers, and the lady over here will have the strawberry delite.” He said, leaning forward in an almost (seductive…?) manner. Natsu was kind of a late-bloomer, so he was still learning when it came to attracting those of the opposite sex.

“Of course,” she bubbled, scribbling something on her pad of paper. “…and are you sure that you two aren’t together, you’d be awfully cute-“

“Yup. We’re positive.” I interjected, clearly annoyed. She raised both of her eyebrows, and I knew I was about to get some spit-flavored carbonated water.

A second after she left, I realized Natsu had ordered for me.

“Hey!” I cut, slapping my hand on the table. “What’d you do that for?”

“I know you best,” he answered, and I felt my heart to a little cha-cha.

That was him alright. We were friends, sure, but sometimes he’d say stuff that would make even my solid friendship resolve fall on its ass. I liked to think that he was a dense dumbass that had no idea what sex was, and would never date, ever ( I had yet to find a suitable candidate worthy of dating him) but some little part of me wondered if he’d ever considered us too.

I’m sure he had – it wasn’t like the world didn’t ironically like throwing the fact in our face every five seconds. You guys would make a great couple! Or, are you two dating?

It would probably never work anyways. We’re too different, we clash on a daily basis.

Natsu was loud, outgoing, and hungry. I was logical, reserved, and somewhat cynical.

We made good enough friends, but who knows how many countries would crumble if we became a couple.

I watched him unwrap a sugar packet and throw it back dry like a pill.

See? Chaos. We would never work, not in a million years.

“What…possessed you to do that?” I asked as he began helplessly gagging on the tiny crystals no doubt stuck to the inside of his throat. He pounded his collarbone when he realized he had nothing to wash it down, and made several groaning, choking sounds before answering.

“I was hungry.”

Of course he was.

I gave him my best I-can’t believe-I-put-up-with-you look and he grinned. A few sugar crystals were stuck to his lips. Dork.

The waitress came with our pancake platters and I almost drowned myself in my own drool.

Because sweet damn on a hot fudge sundae that food looked like it could kill me.

In a good way.

“Wow Luce, looks good.” Natsu added, sealing my fate as my fork descended upon that heavenly breakfast food.

“Don’t speak to me.” I whispered, ashamed that my day one diet had failed and I had succumbed to the evil forces of breakfast. Natsu was too busy making sweet sweet love to his food to care anyways.

I sipped on my sprite zero, which, as Natsu pointed out, ‘really did taste like zero’. I enviously glared at his cherry coke. And then not-so-enviously glared at his slobbery straw.

My pancake were sublime, reminding me that there really was a god, and he was now residing in my mouth. Now that I think about that sentence…ew…

“How the hell did you finish so fast?” I inquired, somewhat impressed that he didn’t have a triple bypass right then and there.

“Black magic.” He answered. “I’m a witch.”

“Ah.” I responded, swinging my purse up so I could get out my wallet. “What’s my share?”

“Don’t worry, I got it.” he said, and I felt my face contort in confusion.

What?” I mouthed, the words not even forming I was in so much shock.

“Lucy, relax. I’ll pay for breakfast.” He swept it off like it was no big deal, but it was, it really was.

Natsu and I always split the check. That’s what friends do, friends split the check.

Friends reminisce about the good old days, friends always have each other’s back.

And friends definitely split the fucking check.

“I…are you…sure…?” I sputtered like a dying car.

He looked at me like I had sprouted a little pair of horns. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He had already taken out the cash, tip and all, and slapped it on the table.

“But we…” I muttered something else after, but with the weird look he was giving me I stopped halfway.

“Lucy? Earth to Lucy? Lucy phone home? Lucy-“

I cut him off with a quick sneer before he could go off into fifty more alien references. I’m sure he was filled to the brim with them.

“Nothing,” I brushed him off. “It’s fine.”

We walked out of Denny’s and trudged into the parking lot to find Natsu’s truck.

“The hell did I park?” He questioned aloud, scratching the top of his head in confusion. The light pink spikes shifted at his touch. It was weird, but I had a sudden urge to touch his hair too. It looked really soft, and…nice.

Wow. Gross. Bad Lucy, he probably has fleas.

“The parking lot isn’t that big,” I observed dryly, scanning the spots for Natsu’s pine tree green pickup truck he got as a birthday present from his dad when he turned sixteen. I knew, I was there. I was the only person who remembered his birthday that year.

“There she is,” he pointed out his truck past a particularly fat mini van who did a terrible job of parking like a normal person. “Some soccer mom tried to outdo me.”

While walking, my eyes kept flickering from Natsu’s back, to the gravel.

What was with me? I was acting kind of weird today. First day jitters, maybe?

Natsu tugged at the edge of his tight varsity basketball sweatshirt. It was getting too small for him, but he’d refused to get rid of it. His arms were popping out of it now. His long, toned arms…

Fuck. This was getting really weird…maybe I’ve contracted west nile virus…

“Ready for the first day Lucy?” he asked, with that signature, open mouth grin. My heart did a loop-de-loop.

“As I’ll ever be.” I responded with an awkward, tight smile.

He didn’t seem to notice my symptoms. He got in the driver’s seat and I returned to the seat opposite.

I looked up at him closely. He’d gotten so much taller since elementary school. His jawbone was sharper, too, more defined, smooth…

That’s it. I’m definitely sick. Yellow fever. Diagnosis, done.

“Your shirt looks nice.” He mentioned.

Now that was weird. Natsu doesn’t compliment, unless it’s on my appetite, cooking, or idiocy.

“Uh…thanks…” I spoke, absently playing with the strings of the floppy boat-neck white shirt I was wearing. It was wavy and thin, like something Miley Cyrus would wear before she…grew up? I guess? I don’t know. It had cute little lacy patterns and I really loved the shirt as well, it felt nice that even someone as fashion-challenged as himself had taken notice.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, sensing my discomfort.

“It’s nothing, I was just thinking…” I mumbled, before adding something else. “Do you think things are going to change this year?”

He eyed me weirdly, a look I had yet to stumble across in the years I’d known him.

“Yeah, I think things are going to change.”

And then he started the car.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

“Like…how?” I begged for clarification.

He looked at me sideways and smirked.

What the fuck.

Then he looked back at the road, as if his weird eye-balling had answered the question in itself.

And that’s the day I sort of came to the conclusion that maybe, Natsu wasn’t as dense as I thought before.

anonymous asked:

Iulary, any tips about the whole adulthood thing? I'm just starting out and I'm scared and you seem to have a pretty good handle on the whole thing, so... -_____-?

Ack my last ask sent before I could fix the typo. HILARY I mean!

Haha it’s okay. I figured it out. :D

First, I’m flattered that I have given off this impression in any way, shape or form, as whenever I reflect back on myself, I tend to be like, “wow, I was really dumb.” I probably still am, but whatever.

Anyway, your ask is nicely timed, because I have been thinking about this recently and have had a few other people ask me questions in this vein. The first thing I will say is that you shouldn’t be scared of it. It’s a big change and things will not go the way you are used to and you will have to learn how to do things that you didn’t know even existed, and yes, at some point you will feel like a total failure. Probably more than once. This is to be expected and does not reflect on you personally. I promise.

But in my opinion, being a grownup is fun. Perpetual adolescence is overrated (I mean, just look at Twilight). Just for a start, you can do what you want and be responsible for yourself. I always find that a very empowering feeling. And you don’t have to give up the things you love. That’s according to a very narrow and circumscribed definition of what it means to be a grownup, so let’s just ignore that right now. If people are going to give you grief for pursuing your hobbies and interests, they are miserable little gits who you don’t need in your life. You can quote me on that, ahem. (This fits in with my advice to an earlier anon that trying to study something you think is practical, but which you don’t like at all, in hopes of getting The Good Job, is not a good plan. The Good Job, simply due to the way the postmillennial economy works, does not exist anymore. Do not sacrifice your dreams and passions and ambitions for the outdated baby-boomer framework. Do not. The world needs more thinking, creative, passionate, engaged people. You can also quote me on this).

Dress well. You don’t have to put on a skirt or a suit or whatever every time you leave the house, but a little bit of care for your appearance works wonders both inside and out. I like jewelry and makeup; not everyone does, but I do. I like looking as if I took the time to make myself presentable and confident in public. Yes, being an adult means you can wear sweatpants all day if you want to, but it also means being cognizant that you have the ability to shape how you are perceived and the impression you create. Basic stuff like washing your hair and showering and wearing deodorant every day. Some people honestly just don’t know to do this. In that vein, keeping your space neat also helps. Again, you don’t have to be Super Maid, but picking up stuff on the floor, doing the dishes, and giving the bathroom a scrub semi-regularly is advised.

You can set most of your bills to auto-pay and/or have your checks direct deposited. This way, they get taken care of even if you forget.

A basic amount of human decency and common sense, and a dose of perspective, will get you a long way. That’s why I often get fed up with tumblr, because it’s such a deeply adolescent environment (in mentality at least). It’s the “nah nah nah I’m right and everyone who disagrees are stinky horrible people” all-or-nothing approach. Tumblr has some great features and great safety nets, and serves an important role as a transition space, but it’s not the real world. People you meet in real life cannot be argued into the ground or yelled at or ignored the way you can do here. You will have to compromise and listen and face things you are uncomfortable with. You will meet people who disagree with you. Surprise! They are actually people too. You will have to learn how to set boundaries and negotiate healthy interactions. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of or attached to negative draining people, but don’t discard somebody out of hand just because they don’t think like you.

Being an adult means you will sometimes want to hide in a blanket all day and ignore everything and everyone. That is fine and you should totally do that when you need mental health breaks, but that is also not a way to live. Eventually, whether by yourself or with help if you need it, you will need to get out of that blanket, take a shower, clean up the house, and walk out the front door.

You are not the most important person in the world and it does not revolve around your tastes and preferences. Some things are worth standing up for and arguing about. Some things are not. Not everything everywhere is a battle.

That said, however, you ARE the most important person in your own life. Try to make peace with yourself and the things you dislike about yourself (which is something I am still struggling with and everyone does). Don’t automatically devalue or doubt yourself or assume you’re the worst person alive. You’re not. You have some things to learn, yes, but you have a lot to offer. If you’re stuck or don’t know, ask. Nobody expects everyone to know everything. Most people will be glad to help.

You will learn how to think critically. Some of it you will learn in college or at work, and some you will just learn by yourself. It’s fun to be able to read something and think, well I agree with A, but not with B, and I’m ambivalent about C. The world gets a lot more interesting and complicated when you take it out of black and white.

Literally everyone in their late teens and early twenties feels like an idiot and impostor. Everyone I know in grad school, myself included, is just waiting for the day when everyone finds out that we don’t know a thing about anything. Older people have this feeling too. It’s totally normal and human. It does not reflect on you personally. It means you are self aware and self critical enough to wonder who you are and what you mean. People who never have this feeling are oblivious arrogant jerks (usually) and never stop to wonder if they’re wrong.

It is okay to spend money on yourself and to feel happy. It is okay to do spur of the moment things.

The voice in your head screaming abuse at you and making you doubt everything about what you want and who you are is not who you really are.

If someone wants you to change your entire personality and interests and everything about you, or tries to control you in any way, run. Don’t walk, run. Don’t stay in a relationship, whether romantic, familial, friendly, professional, etc that’s destroying you just because you think you’ll never find anything better and this is what you deserve anyway. This goes back to the boundary setting above. Respect yourself.

Don’t be a dick to people, especially service workers. Do not be the soccer mom with the Kate Gosselin haircut and the mini van yelling at people making $7.25 an hour. Don’t be a dick in general. Be assertive and respect yourself and your beliefs, but don’t go around yelling them in people’s faces every chance you get.

Take an interest in your world and your environment. Do what you can, or what you’re comfortable with, to make it a better place. Go world traveling on Wikipedia, read articles about places and things you’re interested in. Read books. Be informed.

It IS your own life, and you CAN do it.

Best of luck.

The Signs as White People Things
  • ARIES: yelling at the Starbucks barista for making the wrong drink
  • TAURUS: putting their children on leashes
  • GEMINI: #AllLivesMatter
  • CANCER: names child McKarty or Tayleigh
  • LEO: only shopping at whole foods
  • VIRGO: seeing a crack in the ground, then say 'that's so ghetto'
  • LIBRA: favorite show is Friends
  • SCORPIO: *eating mint ice cream* 'this is too spicy!'
  • SAGITTARIUS: wearing sketchers with tube socks
  • CAPRICORN: going to a Mexican restaurant and ordering a burger
  • AQUARIUS: Nutella, Kylie Jenner, Uggs, and Starbucks
  • PISCES: mom named Susan driving kids to soccer in a mini van

anonymous asked:

I imagine pearl as that one mom who drives her kids and all their friends to soccer practice in her mini van and is the leader of the PTO and make cookies for the bake sale. So like, a soccer mom

god yes but more importantly… imagine pearl as a dance mom fighting with abby miller when steven isnt at the top of the pyramid and throwing shade at the the other moms when their kid gets to perform a solo instead of hers