soccer in the mud

Girl Next Door

Y/N had grown up next to Harry her whole life, he had only been two years older so they got along like peanut butter and jelly, ever since Y/N and Harry could walk they had been attached at hip. He came over and would have a tea party with her, she would tug at his curls, attempting to put a crown on him, he never minded. She would run over and play soccer with him, kicking the ball around, getting mud all over her.

Harry, and everyone else, thought of her as the perfect girl next door. Her father, a lawyer, her mother a stay at home mom, a helicopter mom. She watched her daughter all the time, making sure she was studying and getting the right marks at school. She pushed Y/N to join everything and anything she could. Y/N, of course, listened. She was active in middle school, she was on student council and drama club, between those two and studying she hardly saw Harry, and the two started to drift apart.

In high school Harry had found his group, a group Y/N did not like, and her parents hated. They made Y/N cut all ties with the Styles boy. Harry had traded in his soccer ball for drinks, he traded in his silly puns for sex, and his clean skin for tattoos and piercings. Y/N at first was upset, but then she found herself too busy to care.

Y/N had started at the bottom, literally. She began as a base for cheering, and by her sophomore year she was a flyer. Her junior year she was voted as caption, which her mother loved, but Y/N, not so much. With being caption, class president, and vice president of drama club she found herself overwhelmed. Her school life began at seven am and didn’t stop till one am, she forced herself to stay awake and study, keeping college in mind at all times.

Every once and a while she would peek out her window, where she could see into Harry window. When they were little they would write notes to each other, holding them up to window. When they reached middle school they would call each other, but sit by the window and watch each other as they spoke into the phone, Harry would watch as she would giggle at a stupid joke, and stick her tongue out at him. She would watch him run a hand through his long brown curls, which he now had chopped off. Now when she looks over the room would be empty, the lights off, or she would catch him smoking out the window, blowing out the toxin into the air. When Harry looked over she was always sat on her bed, studying, or she was at her desk working on another essay. Things weren’t the same anymore.

Before Y/N would tell Harry everything, on her worst nights, when she just couldn’t sleep, Harry would climb into her window and hold her close. They would whisper to each other, coming up with plans for the future. Y/N and Harry would run off to New York, where Y/N could be a dancer on Broadway, and Harry would find his career in music, they would be the best of friends, sharing an apartment and laughing all the time. They would run out and one am and get Chinese food and walk Times Square, they would camp out to watch shows, it seemed so simple, so real, at the time. Now she’s left alone in her room, not being able to sleep, the tears leaving her eyes every night.

“Hey,” Jade places a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, grabbing the girl’s attention.

Y/N hadn’t even noticed how she drifted off, staring at her former best friend. He leaned against his locker, arm draped over a girl’s shoulder, a smirk on his lips as he looked down at her. She was giggling, her cheeks red as she trailed her hand up and down his chest.

“Sorry,” Y/N blushed, closing her locker and turning to the blonde, “what were you saying?”

“The girls and I are going to get our nails done after school if you want join!” Jade smiled, gripping her books.

Y/N smiled softly, “oh I wish,” she pouts, “but I have rehearsals.”

“You’re in need of a break,” Jade says, “how do you live?”

“I’m not sure,” Y/N responds, a breathless chuckle leaving her lips.

The bell rings and she turns, “I’ll see you tonight at the game,” Y/N called, walking down the hall.

She waves to a couple of people as she walks to her class. Once Y/N reaches her room she slips into her seat, pulling her note book and pen out. Harry walks into the room, walking all the way to the back where his friends sat. His eyes land on Y/N, she’s doing what she has done for years when she was stressed, twirling her hair around her finger and then lightly tugging on it.

Harry can’t help but admire her body in the uniform she’s wearing. She had grown up for sure, the blue and white fabric hugged her body, showing off her tiny waist and her nice handful of boobs, Harry was sure if she bent down he would be able to catch a glimpse of her bum. He frowned when Scott pulled up the chair next to her, shrugging off his letterman jacket and kissing her cheek. Just like the perfect caption of the team and girl next door she had the perfect boyfriend.

Harry hated Scott Edelman more than he hated anyone else in the world. The guy seemed to make everyone smile, he was nice, and perfect for her, but Harry never trusted him. Scott’s hand would sometimes slip lower than Y/N wanted, and sometimes his eyes would linger on her chest when she wouldn’t notice, but Harry did, he could see it from down the hall.

“How was your morning?” Scott asked, tapping his fingers on the desk.

“It was good, I went for a run, nothing big, Mr. Brown is killing me though. He just edited my essay and I have to go home and fix it tonight after the game,” Y/N answered, rubbing her forehead, “what about you?”

“It was okay, does this mean you aren’t coming over after the game?” Scott frowned.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N says.

Scott sighed, leaning back. Anytime he invited Y/N over and she knew his parents weren’t home something always came up, and he was getting tired of it.

“Are you actually going to sleep with me or are you going to be a stuck up prude for the rest of your life,” Scott whispered, anger clear in his tone, “if you loved me you would sleep with me.”

“It’s because I love you I’m going to give you this warning,” Y/N says, her voice low, she leans over so her lips are next to his ear, “if you so much as touch me when I say no, or keep pushing me to sleep with you, I will kick you so hard in the dick you won’t ever be able to please yourself again let alone another human being.”

She pulled away, sitting back in her seat, her eyes on the board as the teacher begins to speak. The rest of her day goes by quick, rehearsal dragged on too much for her liking.

Harry hardly attended football games, but tonight was different, and he was thankful his friend dragged him out. He had promised Nina, the girl draped around his arm earlier, that he would take her home after the game, but he couldn’t focus on her. Instead, as always, his eyes drifted to Y/N. She was in the air, two girls gripping her ankles, her right hand on her hip, her other up in the air as she smiled at the fans in the crowd.

“She’s hot, I hear her and Scott are getting it in after the game,” Niall remarked, handing Harry the flask he had hidden in his jacket.

Harry takes it, letting the alcohol fall down his throat, “nah, she’s too much of a prude,” Harry shakes his head, chuckling, “she’s all about waiting for marriage.”

“Boring,” Niall rolled his eyes, everyone around them stood up to cheer, “are you hanging out with Nina afterwards?”

“Maybe, she’s getting a little too clingy for my liking,” Harry sighed.

“She a good fuck?” Niall raised an eyebrow, grabbing the flask and putting it back in his pocket.

“She’s okay, maybe I’ll ring up Stella,” Harry said.

“I’m gonna go smoke,” Harry says as halftime rolled by.

He walks down the stairs and goes down the alley way to head towards the school. He stops, hearing a small sob, a sob he heard too many times in his childhood. He peeks around the corner to see Y/N pressed against the wall, Scott has her arms pinned over her head, kissing her neck.

“Stop,” she pleads.

Harry feels his blood boiling, his fist tightening, but before he can act she does it herself. Her knee bending, and kicking up in between Scotts legs. Scott groans, backing away, and she shoves at him, making him tumble back.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” she yelled, sniffling and wiping her eyes, “or I’ll report you for harassment.”

Harry watches as she walks briskly towards him, she freezes, seeing him in front of her. Her eyes are glossy, her lipstick is smudged, cheeks pink and puffy. She looks scared and her hair is slightly a mess, her arms crossed over her chest, hugging herself. They stand, eyes connected, she can’t help but not look into the same green eyes she used to love, the same eyes that would watch her dance around her room.

She drops her head, walking past Harry, her shoulder bumping into his arm. Harry sucks in a sharp breath, walking towards Scott, he hits his side, a quick and hard kick making Scott groan, “if you so much as look at her, I swear to god, I’ll kill you myself,” Harry says, spitting near his head.

Part Two

andrewsneil  asked:

i would literally give up my firstborn child for another genderswap au bcos jane potter is so hot im deadt

Jane, flirting, tells him his hair looks like a carrot fucked a fire hydrant.

“Charming.” Liam says.

“This is the part where you say something back and we verbally spar.” She responds, leaning with one muddy soccer boot up against the side of the library. McGonagall would have a fit. He puts his hands in his pockets and pretends to look at the street.

“Not today it isn’t.”

“C’mon,” she grins, ducking her head so her hair falls forward. “You’re making me feel bad. You’ve got to say something back otherwise it’s like bullying.”

“What do you mean ‘like’ bullying.”

“Please. If it was real bullying I would have your lunch money.”

“I don’t bring lunch money.”

“Good thing I’m not bullying you then.” She says, cheerfully, and he laughs. It appears halfway through this conversation he got bored with pretending to look at the road and has started actively staring at her again. He turns back.

“Your hair looks like you shoved a fork into a toaster.” He says, and she laughs now.

“’Knew you’d give in. Now we’re both bullying each other.”

He looks back at her. “I thought you said it wasn’t bullying.”

She smirks, soccer uniform covered in mud from making unnecessary slides across the pitch every time she makes a goal, which is often enough that he can see grass burn bleeding on her knees. He’s going to ask if she needs a bandage, and then she quirks her eyebrow at him, and he cannot for the life of him remember his name.

“Evans, you are aware I can see you ogling my legs.” Liam’s head snaps back to the street.

“I wasn’t ogling.”

“You bloody were.”

“I don’t ogle.”

“Fine. Staring. Gazing. Gawking, if you will.”

“I won’t.”

“Liam Evans, staring at my legs in front of everybody”

“There is no one else here.“

“You were ogling.” She pushes off the wall, arms folded and still smirking, advancing on him. “Perfectly understandable really, they are, dare I say it, the best legs this side of London.”

He scoffs, looking at the sky and not at her. “You’re so full of it.”

“I can’t help having great legs any more than you can help having hair that looks like a red traffic light threw up on Amy Adams.”

“Whose Amy Adams?” he feigns ignorance.

“I know you know who fucking Amy Adams is.”

He swings back on his heels. “Hmm, can’t say I do, but you had better watch your potty mouth or I’m going to report you to McGonagall.” He’s looking at her again. God goddammit.

“Minnie loves me.” She’s almost right next to him now, a good head shorter, bag over her shoulder, knees still bleeding. Her glasses are cracked in the left corner.

“She won’t once I tell her how you’ve been bullying me.” He says, and she smiles. The wind blows slightly, and God, she’s fucking pretty. His fingers itch to touch her jawline, the base of her throat, her cheekbone. There is always too much space between them.

“You know the library closes at six.” She breathes, looking at him, “and my practice ends at six-thirty.”

“I have no idea what you mean.” He lies, ridiculously.

“I mean,” her breath hitches, “You wait the extra half hour to see me.”

He wants to do something dumb, like kiss her or kiss her again, but she’s far too clever and pretty and he would have no idea where to put his hands.  The world is impossibly still. His heart is thudding loud enough she must be able to hear it.

A car screeches into the street and reels up next to them, almost clipping the curb. “Potter!” Sarah Black sticks her head out the window and yells to be heard over the radio, “if you get mud on my seats again I’ll punch you in the tit!” Spotting Liam, she nods and takes a drag on her cigarette, “Evans. You’re here again.”

“Well spotted.” He croaks, trying to act normal and doing a bad job. Potter’s arm brushes against his on the way to the car and he shudders.

“Wanna lift?” Sarah asks, and he shakes his head. Jane stares at him through the passenger window, and he stares back. The only reason he comes to the library is to kill time before her practice ends. He would wait in the rain if he had to.

“Amy Adams was in Enchanted.” He blurts out, and Potter grins. He’s so far gone it’s embarrassing. He would do anything to make her look like that.  

Black gives him a weird look. “Don’t take too many drugs on school grounds, Evans, Minnie doesn’t like you nearly as much as she likes me.” She peels away, almost taking out a letterbox in the process, and he starts walking home, thinking about how she has practice tomorrow, and the grass burns on her knees, and the way her breath hitches when she stands to close to him.

The streetlamps go on, and in the harsh light she roars into his head, laughing, covered in mud, a dream girl unbelievably rooted in reality.

Sisterly support

“Judy… None of these shoes fit my feet. My dumb rabbits feet are too small and flat..!”

Easy, Sally. We’ll find the right fit for you.”


“No buts. If we don’t find the right fit, I’ll make you a pair. Don’t you worry. You’ll fit right into ballet class.”

“You really think so..?”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

Sally Hopps only ever told Judy about her dream of becoming a ballerina, a profession usually reserved for tall and lean mammals such as deer, gazelles and cheetahs. It’s something far more of a ‘girly’ dream than what others would guess Sallys dream to be. She’s a rough-housing, soccer playing, mud wrestling kind of bunny. Sally is afraid all her friends, most of them boys, would abandon her if she pursued something as girly as ballet.

Judy still supports her little sisters’ dream, even from the big city.

Sally is yet to tell her parents and start ballet class. 

February: The fall starts easy. I took baby aspirin, and a rusty spoon to my head, and smoked the stale weed my brother left in a broken vase before he left for college. Night comes fast, and tells the creation story. I ignore her this time. I don’t give a fuck about how I was made anymore tell me how I fall apart.

March: Nobody can ever find the raw spot on their leg until they start itching. I remember 6th grade when the mosquito bit my calf. Larvae and laps on the soccer field in early spring. He is oozing into my shoes with the mud.

April: My mother buried my rusty spoon, and took my brown hands. the clothesline was dripping carbonated orange soda sun, the wind was soft, the mice were sleeping warm beneath the floorboards; she spread my tarot on the floor with the forever broken and gnarled thumb she stuck in a blender when she was 5. That spring I walked home alone some nights, the heatwaves followed me like the labored breath of drunk men who don’t take no for an answer, I turned over The Devil and someone dropped a wine glass next door, she gasped, white eyes, the mice began to scrape and scream, the heatwave killed their children like it split my shoulders open and ate the youth inside.

May: The month of falling out of trees, junior high was gonna shipwreck any day now. There is a fast food place where the milkshakes taste like cough syrup and the skater kids cheat death on 3 feet of concrete stairs. There is a crack in the sidewalk in front of it, and he kick flips on it to break the back of the mother who left him at 13, he breeds violence between his fraying vans and then something in his ankle snaps, my oxygen goes tar black. He bleeds, he. Makes this sound. Like a dog when you step on its foot. I want to hold him, put a butterfly on his cheek, give him a band aid, something, God, something. He looks like he’s in pain. I want to. I don’t know. Help.

I walk away trembling and put my head between my knees behind a dumpster full of shitty milkshakes.

June: The neighbors fuck like rabbits while I’m trying to cry to joy division. I pray for a lightning strike. This type of poetry is for pretty girls, anyway.

July: my birthday flies into the glass of my bedroom window and breaks its neck. mom said the only things you can grow in summer that won’t die are grapefruit and hair, and I made a garden, I cut my chest open for Demeter each full moon. These locks were watered with gulf stream sea spray. I fed them bludgeoned daydreams. I threw my head against church doors trying to send Jesus some red flowers for his funeral, or maybe his birthday, doesn’t really matter, we celebrate both.

August: I got kicked out of high school knocking myself out on my desk. People carved hearts into the enamel, I carved my heart out of my chest and turned it in for my midterm. I slam dunked my skull into the bleachers on game day, and when the bleachers fell, into my history textbook, and when the book was mushy with blood, into the track field. I’m grinning ugly, dancing to the 80’s synth in an empty gym after homecoming, with a nosebleed dripping love songs down my yellow teeth, like words on old gravestones: here lies a moontoothed lover who will never rest in peace, every night she claws her grave and hears the call of western waves.

September: I’m high on concussion flavored car races in a stolen low rider, bluebirds fly in circles around my head after we crash, I wrote a song on a 5 dollar bill called blunt force trauma and it is about skater boys with broken noses, snarls of shaggy Jew fro his friends make fun of, and hands. that graze los angeles highways while he rides asphalt waves, slam his locker, and give the finger to the education system he keeps tripping over like untied shoelaces. he pricks those hands sewing together the lackluster parties private school kids throw. he puts his dewy rose bud lips to the jack daniels bottle, and kicks the drum kit over, gives it mouth to mouth, pump his fists into someone’s chest, gives it a pulse again. hands big enough to steal grapefruit with, the size of my swollen heart. I didn’t know it could get that big but he bumped into me, buzzing like a light saber, sky walking out of the grocery store with a grapefruit. with my heart.

October: do you have a girl do you? have a lover? Jupiter is orbiting around whatever this emotion is called, the rollercoaster one. when you look at me. We spend Halloween turning into werewolves at the library, you were moshing in the kids section, bleaching your hair in punk rock, I was banging my bruised and knuckleheaded love poems into a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet, brushing my hair with broken glass. That was the first day the blood on our hands was not our own, she shushed us and we laughed. High on Shakespeare and Jupiter gas, we dug our fangs into the dewy decimal system. You ask me my name, I tell you, you smile. We had matching bruises and I floated home.

November: You make me. Feel. You make me feel like I can speak to snakes. You make me feel like my hips have a purpose besides balancing bins of laundry, and bowls of fruit. You make 17 stop feeling like a suicide note no one will read. you make me banshee scream and lick like fire against young pines, when you. dance. when you. kiss her, let her ride your double dutch hips, and your skateboard. She is a new coin, tangy on his numb tongue, and he tucks her in his pocket, his lucky penny. I’m the bubblegum he scrapes off his sneakers and throws into a storm drain.

December: I still cower into my pillow and smile a crooked smile, and go red at the cheeks, you. You put the red in my cheeks. I’m here, I’m exploding, why can’t you see me? Just put the bottle down, take your hand from your eyes, I won’t ask you what happened to your face, or how you got that scar, I will just like you and like you. we can buy angels wings in Hollywood, make an apartment out of crumpled homework pages at the bottoms of our dirty backpacks, we can drop out of high school, I will like you and dissect your sadness like frogs in freshman biology I am used to the rotting smell in your ribcage, I reek of it too. I will like you. until I know how to love you.

January: I switch schools, I cut my hair, bleach what little is left. It makes my mother unhappy, she thinks my spirit world is severing ties, she thinks my planets are discordant. I ask somebody back home about him, she says he dropped out and started working on cars.

I come down. Softly.

February (again, again, again): He was born to a rabbi and a beauty queen. I was born to a chemist, and a witch. Ammonia, bleach. Don’t mix them unless you want someone to die. Blood, adolescence, summer saltwater. Don’t mix them unless you want to make somebody wish they were dead.

—  2. a crush. and nothing more.
Looks like... -(으)ㄴ가 보다 and -나 보다

This post is sort of a continuation from the previous post on 것 같다. There, we learned that 것 같다 can be used to say that something seems like something else. It can be used to speculate about or give an uncertain opinion on something in the past, present, or future. Today, we will look at a similar structure.

-(으)ㄴ가보다 and -나 보다 both mean the same thing; the form is simply different depending on what it they are attached to. This grammar means “looks like” or “seems like” and is used when the speaker has observed something that leads them to make whatever conclusion they have drawn. This is different from 것 같다 in that 것 같다 does not necessarily require the speaker to have observed something to use as the basis of their statement. Let’s learn how to use them.

-(으)ㄴ가 보다

-(으)ㄴ가 보다 can be used with descriptive verbs only in the present tense and with both descriptive and action verbs in the future tense. For the present tense, simply attach -은가 보다 to verb roots ending with consonants and -ㄴ가 보다 to roots ending with vowels. For the future tense, apply the future tense -(으)ㄹ 것이다 to the verb root and then add -(으)ㄴ가 보다 to that. It will come out looking like -(으)ㄹ 것인가 보다 or, to shorten it up, -(으)ㄹ 건가 보다.


  • 아연 씨는 보통은 고기를 잘 먹는데 오늘은 거의 안 먹네요. 배가 아픈가 봐요. (Ayeon usually loves meat [eats meat well] but today she’s hardly eating. It looks like she has a stomachache.
  • 정원 씨는 시험을 치르는 데 3시간 다 필요했는데 호찬 씨는 1시간 안에 문제를 다 푼 데다가 점수가 잘 나왔어요. 머리가 엄청 좋은가 봐요. (Jeongwon needed the full three hours for the test, but Hochan finished within an hour and got a good score. It looks like he’s really smart [It looks like his head is really good].)


  • 유정 씨는 오래 전부터 언젠가 미국여행 가겠다고 노래 불렀어요*. 요즘 돈을 많이 모으고 영어를 열심히 공부하고 있는 걸 보니 드디어 갈 건가 봐요. (Yujeong has been saying for a long time that she will travel to the US eventually. Seeing how she’s saving money and studying English hard, it looks like she will finally go.)
  • 일기예보를 듣고 보니 내일도 정말 무더울 건가 봐요. (Listening to the weather report, it looks like tomorrow will be really muggy too.)

*노래를 부르다— While this usually means “to sing (a song),” it is also used as an expression meaning that someone says something over and over.

-나 보다

-나 보다 is used for action verbs in the past and present tense, AND for descriptive verbs in the past tense. It can not be used with the future tense.


  • 학교 축구장은 진흙밭이 다 됐네요. 비가 많이 왔나 봐요. (The school soccer field turned into a mud pit. It looks like it rained a lot.)
  • 아이들이 선생님의 퍼즐을 잘 못 풀었어요. 너무 어려웠나 봐요. (The children couldn’t solve the teacher’s puzzle. It looks like it was too difficult.)


  • 동생의 방에서 코 고는 소리가 들려요. 낮잠을 자고 있나 봐요. (The sound of snoring is coming from my younger brother’s room. It looks like he’s napping.)
  • 요리법을 읽고 보니 이거 만드는 데 40분이나 걸리나 봐요. 우리 시간이 있어요? (Looking at the recipe, it looks like it takes about 40 minutes to make this. Do we have time?)

Happy studying~

“With a beard or without, with breasts or without, in flannel or in skirts, I am female and I will never let anything or anyone try and take that away from me again.”

Submission by @questiontransition

28 years old, Maine

When I was little, I did all the gender expected things that little girls are “supposed” to do like wear dresses and try on my mom’s make up, but I was also really active and climbed trees, played with my brothers in the mud, and played soccer. I was always wanting to pretend to be the boy when I would play with my friends, and I eventually fell out of my love of feminine things to instead embrace everything more masculine. I liked how the girls around me would accept it when I was pretending to be a boy and I felt like that made me feel more real.

When I was in middle school, I realized I was attracted to my female friends the way my male friends were attracted to them, and I started to feel really out of place. I hit puberty and I hated the way my body changed, I despised my period as any sane girl would. I had cut my waist length hair up to my ears and it didn’t take very long to start getting homophobic slurs thrown my way and people avoiding being my friend. While I found a girlfriend in high school who loved me for who I was, she was only just starting to settle into her sexuality and so she was shy about public affection or really being proud of telling people we were together.

I felt very isolated and I had started to really experience what I would later know was dysphoria, especially the larger my breasts grew and the more men started to give me attention. I was 15 when I had to do a research paper for my AP Psychology class based on any topic I wanted. I had wanted to do something related to the LGBT community and it was then that I decided to do research on the T part of that acronym and really try and figure out what it was about. As I looked up information on Gender Identity Disorder, as it was then called, and read personal stories, I started to see myself in more of them. Maybe not the knowledge of from birth, but certainly the desire to be a man, the discomfort in my gender role, the hatred of my female body. I was certain this was who I was.

I’ve been in therapy since I was a kid due to childhood abuse from my father and a traumatic divorce between my parents, so I started to discuss these thoughts with my therapist. Even over a decade ago, she was ready to tell me that I absolutely was trans from everything that I was telling her, and that the childhood wishes didn't really have to be a part of it - my current clear body dysphoria coupled with my constant desires to be a man were solid enough for her. As I was just a kid and I did not want to come out about it to my parents, I didn’t pursue any adolescent transition. My girlfriend and close friends were the only ones I came out to and I started to use he/him pronouns to see how it felt.

I was 19 when I moved away from my home in the mid atlantic to New England. Being so far away from home, I started to change my pronouns with people I introduced myself with, and started to introduce myself by a masculine name. I hadn’t taken hormones, but trans awareness was starting to slowly come into the public, so people were understanding. I ordered a binder and a packer. I tried to deepen my voice. I watched YouTube videos and read advice blogs telling me to study other guys, to talk with a deeper voice, to walk like a guy, to take up more space, to change the inflection of my words, to be more aggressive, to play more sports and stop doing all the “girly shit” I was more fond of like sewing and baking. I came out to my family - my mother didn’t care, my father was expectedly an asshole, but my aunt said something that would always stick with me; “Oh, I knew you had to be trans - you never liked make up or gossip or any of the stuff normal girls like. I knew you had to be a boy.”

By the time I reached my early 20s, I had decided I wanted to pursue transition. Through help from the Tumblr trans community, I found a doctor who only needed inform consent rather than multiple letters from therapists because I thought easier meant they were more accepting, that there was less “gatekeeping.” I got on hormones within a month of my 25th birthday. Two years later, I was able to get chest surgery. I changed my name. I changed my gender marker. I had thousands of followers watching my transition, pushing me along the way, congratulating every “brave” step I took, telling me how incredible I was, how handsome I was, how perfect I was. Sure I got the occasional hatred from bigoted jerks looking to get a rise out of me, but I was seen as a hero to so many more.

My girlfriend from high school ended up becoming my wife, we decided to start a family. It was around that time that I had started to really question what it meant to be a man or a woman. I couldn’t get her pregnant because I didn’t have the right reproductive organs - if I was a man, that should have been something I could do. My dysphoria worsened and I started to feel depressed. I had no one in the lesbian community to talk about our pregnancy journey with, no same sex couples to really connect to, and opposite sex couples wouldn’t have understood my needs. I started to realize that my sense of self was not actually that of a man, that I would never be a straight man, and my brain couldn’t wrap around it because of years of exposure to the constant rhetoric that trans men are men, men don’t all have penises, men are men if they feel it. 

The idea of trans without dysphoria had led me to the “truscum” community, which eventually led me to the radfem and gender critical communities. I had been taught to despise these people by the trans community on and off Tumblr, but I had started to see how many opinions we had that overlapped, and the concerns of gender I’d had since my wife got pregnant actually addressed. These ideas were so much more real, so much more factually backed, and not relying on feelings or senses of self. I started to realize my desire to be a man may have been my fear of being a butch lesbian, that internalized misogyny and homophobia could have been the cause for all of the feelings I’d had.

It’s only been a few months in which I’ve finally really accepted the idea of detransitioning. I stopped taking T about 3 weeks ago, my wife and I have had long talks about the idea of my socially detransitioning as well as medically. What it might mean, how it might effect us, what her parents will say, what my parents will say, how our friends will react. My mother knows and is fully supportive. I haven’t told most of my friends, too afraid of how they might react right now. I’m easing my way in, wetting my feet, trying to slowly remind myself what being a woman really means and trying not to regret the steps I took to survive in a time when I didn’t know any better. 

With a beard or without, with breasts or without, in flannel or in skirts, I am female and I will never let anything or anyone try and take that away from me again.

anonymous asked:


Nico was starting to lose his patience. Lily and Adrien were behind him, confused and scared. 

“That little boy should not have a doll in his hands or a crown on his head!” the soccer mom in front of him shouted. “And that little girl shouldn’t be coated in mud and scrapes. It’s not right, and it’s a bad influence on the other kids. You need to take those things away from him and clean that little gir-”

“They’re not your kids, so you need to back the fuck off,” he hissed. She looked scandalized and offended, but Nico was done. He was tired of these stupid standards and people thinking they could tell him how to live or how to raise his daughter. And even though Adrien wasn’t his son, he cared for the little boy just as much. 

He stepped closer to the woman, anger and disgust clear in his voice. “If my son wants to let his sister do his hair or play dolls with her, he can. If my daughter wants to roll in the mud and play soccer with her brother she can. My kids can do whatever the fuck they want, and people like you don’t get to tell me or them otherwise.” He turned to Adrien and Lily, ushering them away. “Let’s go home, guys. We can keep playing there.” 

Lily slid her hand into Adrien’s as they walked back to the car. “I think the crown looks cool,” she said. 

Adrien smiled. “I think you still look like a princess even with mud on your face.”

Nico sighed and gave them apologetic smiles as he strapped them into the car. “I’m sorry about that, kids.” 

daretobeyourselftoday  asked:

Hi! Happy Monday! Maybe some Percabeth with the whole the world is black and white until you meet your soulmate thing.

Happy Thursday! This is a terribly long drabble, but it is full of so much fluff, and I hope you like it :)


Annabeth doesn’t mind seeing the world in monochrome. It’s comforting, really. She has her job, and her goals, and her routine. Black and white. She wakes up early and goes to the gym, showers before work, sits at her desk with her precise lines and measurements and formulas; she eats a salad for lunch, take-out for dinner, and makes herself comfortable at the end of the day on her ridiculously expensive and comfortable couch with a bottle of ridiculously cheap wine.

She’s a woman of good taste with a small budget. What can she say? It takes her back to college.

And, speaking of college, Annabeth can just now see her old roommate and best friend jumping up and down at the front of the waiting crowd outside airport security. Piper, dressed in shorts and high tops and a loose tank, holds up a huge, glittering sign that reads ‘ANNABETH!’ It’s decorated with flowers and stickers and paint in differing shades of gray.

It’s most likely the most obnoxiously colorful sign in existence, which makes Annabeth more than grateful that she is only seeing it so muted.

“So that is terrible,” Annabeth says when she gets close enough, dropping her bag and purse to wrap her arms around Piper. “Please don’t tell me how much you wasted on that thing.”

Keep reading

Moi Moi Sauna ♪
Takahiro Mizushima
Moi Moi Sauna ♪

Moi Moi Sauna ♪ English Translation

「モイ! みなさん知ってましたか?

“Moi! Everyone, did you know? The word sauna comes from Finland!”

甘いもの好き 世界選手権好き

I love both sweets and world championships,


But I love saunas even more.

大切な文化 それだけじゃ

It’s just an important cultural thing.


It feels like something is missing…


That’s why I’ll introduce something to you ♪

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(うー!)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Uuu—!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(ワンッ)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Ruff!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(うー!)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Uuu—!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(ワンワンッ)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Ruff! Ruff!)

電気・薪・スモーク 種類はこんな感じです

Electricity, firewood, and smoke is what these look like,

可動式のサウナや  バスやボートについてるタイプもあります

Along with mobile saunas, there are also ones on buses and boats!


“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” ♪


The mind and body are sparkling☆


It’s not far from entering the sauna,


Something important is missing,


It becomes such a sensation!

大切な決断は会議室じゃなく  サウナで決まるんです!

Important decisions aren’t made in meetings, but rather in the sauna!

スススス Su・o・mi!


ぱぱぱんぱぱぱん ヴァスタでやさしく

Pa-pa-pan, pa-pa-pan, freshly and gently,

ぱぱぱんぱぱぱん からだをたたくと

Pa-pa-pan, pa-pa-pan, striking the body,


Your mind relaxes! (Fuu~)


Your skin is also smooth! (Yay!)

こんなに幸せ モイモイサウナ♪ (モイ!)

So happy, Moi Moi Sauna♪ (Moi!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(うー!)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Uuu—!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(ワンッ)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Ruff!)





“Ah, we’re together with Hanatamago! Isn’t she cute? Su-san thought so too. There were so many cool names to choose from! Like…’Special Attack! Bomb Bastard!’”*

ビールやサイダーを飲んで   色んな話をします

Drinking beer and cider, I’ll get pretty talkative!

ストーブの中で  マッカラあぶるのも楽しみです

I’m looking forward to roasting some makkara on the stove!



火照ったら クールダウン  して休みましょう

If your face is too flushed, let it cool down and rest a bit,

うっかりしていると… おひゃぁぁぁあぁ!Kuuma!

If you’re a little careless…ohyaaaaaa!! It’s hot!!

ぱしゃーんぱしゃーん 湖入ったり

Splashing, splashing, jumping into a lake,

ごろーんごろーん 雪に転がったり

Rolling, rolling, you can roll around in the snow!


In the midst of nature, (uwaah~)


It promotes blood circulation!? (Yay!)

こんなに楽しい モイモイサウナ♪

So fun, Moi Moi Sauna♪


”My motto is that one should enjoy anything ☆彡 There are a lot of world champions from my house. You can play the air guitar, pick mountain cranberries, throw rubber boots, and have snowball fights. Also, you can play soccer in the mud, or throw cell phones, or carry wives too… Next to Estonia, he’ll probably nab his way up higher. Speaking of Estonia, I can buy some of my favorite sweets at his house♪” 


白夜とか 極夜とか オーロラなんかも

Midnight suns, polar nights, and auroras,


Please come see them!

スススス Su・o・mi!


ぱぱぱんぱぱぱん ヴァスタでやさしく

Pa-pa-pan, pa-pa-pan, freshly and gently,

ぱぱぱんカラダ たたき合いましょう

Pa-pa-pan, let’s all strike our bodies,


Your mind relaxes! (Fuu~)


Your skin is also smooth! (Yay!)

こんなに幸せ モイモイサウナ♪ (モイ!)

So happy, Moi Moi Sauna♪ (Moi!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(うー!)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Uuu—!)

モモモーイ モイモイ モイモイモイ(モイモイ!)

Mo-mo-moi, mo-mo-moi, moi moi moi! (Moi moi!)

*Finland wanted to initially name Hanatamago that…

[Notice] Official Fancafe Level-Up Announcement

This is the person in charge of the B.A.P fanclub.
These are the details regarding leveling up on the official fan cafe.
If you change your nickname to one that goes against the regulations you will be demoted without notice.

1. Guidelines to using the leveling up guest board

  • 1) Unify your post titles to [B.A.P 공식팬카페 등업신청합니다.]
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If being returned, (your post) will be moved to the Level-up Return Bulletin Board.
Please re-apply/re-submit following the correct formats after checking the reasons for being returned.

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(You’ll be able to view these questions once you click ‘글쓰기’)

  • *Unify the post title to [B.A.P 공식팬카페 등업신청합니다.] (Bold, font color, size no format)
  • *Format the subject to [등업신청].
  • *Write (your post) after confirming the notice and regulations for nicknames.
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1. Write your name/Daum ID/nickname/age/location

2. Write the B.A.P member’s name, date of birth, and blood type in age order.[ex) OOO / YY.MM.DD / O]

3. Write the first solo concert name and date.

4. From episode 8 of ‘TA-DAH! IT’S B.A.P,’  what were the separate roles (of the members) in the self produced music video Secret Love?

5. In episode 2 of Killing Camp, how were the gray and white teams divided for the mud flat soccer(list the names of members by the groups they were divided into) and which team won?

6. From B.A.P’s 1st single album ‘WARRIOR’, list the jacket pictures in order.

7. Write an encouraging message to the B.A.P members at least 3 lines long. (Prohibiting the use of vowel&consonant, (pressing the) enter key, special characters, and spacing between words)

trans cr; woojung&nicole @ baptrans ; take out with full credit

anonymous asked:

Can you write about daddy!cal with his baby boys and baby girl? Btw I'm in love with your blog babes <3

thanks, babes xx :-)

it’d be the family’s first big trip since your little girl’s birth four years ago so you could only imagine the children’s reactions as you and daddy!calum let them know you’d be vacationing together at disneyland - which led your seven-year-old twin boys, who’d already returned from football (soccer) practice covered in mud and sweat, to streak around your home whilst screaming at the top of their lungs “TO INFINITY AND BEYOND” while your daughter giggled uncontrollably and squealed about meeting princesses and how she wanted to where her dress and tiara when she got to go - so getting them to even try to go to bed later that night would be enough of a struggle; though, the day of your little holiday - with your daughter all dressed up in her green ballgown and plastic tiara and your sons deciding to dress the parts of phineas and ferb - calum didn’t seem nearly as stressed about the money as he thought he would, actually wandering the park with his little girl who wanted nothing more than to get a picture taken of her kissing her daddy on the cheek in front of the castle when it was glowing at night - but mostly to meet all of the princesses and princes, and hopefully snag a peck on the cheek from aladdin like you told her - but there was also the little adventures with his twin boys talking excitedly about cars and toy story and, oh god, had you seen their chubby cheek, toothless grins when they met baymax then you’re heart would’ve fucking melted - which was another reason you were grateful to snap a pic while you got the chance. but even after a day of rollercoasters and balloons, fried foods and magic beneath the hot sun, calum didn’t mind it one bit when his daughter curled up to his side - his arm practically cradling her - and his sons latched onto his torso and treated him as though he was a human body pillow atop the hotel bed - each of their eyes heavy with sleep and bodies fatigued - with you lying a mere inch or two away. in fact, he liked those moments most. 

The Best Boyfriend Ever ft Kai

I got really sick the other week and this is the result. Enjoy! :)

On most days, Jongin was a calm driver. He could handle it when people cut him off, when they honked at him, or even when they were being blatantly incompetent. Those days were always days his girlfriend of seven months sat beside him in the passenger’s seat, swearing at other drivers like a true sailor. Her anger was cute enough to diffuse his.

But this evening, he wanted to run over all this traffic just so he could get to Sunhee’s place and unleash his anger.

He wasn’t even sure at whom he was angry with. They had attended a dinner with two other friends the other night, and it had been a disaster. Her friend turned out to be one of his exes, and the friend’s fucking date…

God, three days later and Jongin still wanted to punch the guy’s face.

At the parking lot to Sunhee’s apartment, Jongin pulled out his phone one last time.

Kim Jongin: Hey, you free to talk?

☼Sunheeeee☼: Not really..We can talk on our date next week

Jongin remembered receiving that text and not knowing what to say

Kim Jongin: Can I Skype you tomorrow at least?

Six hours later and no reply. This wasn’t like her at all. She should’ve been home hours ago and seen his text.

When he passed by her car on his way to the entrance of her building, his dread grew. He didn’t want to think she was deliberately ignoring her, but there was no helping it after what that fucking guy said at dinner.

“I heard a lot about you, Kim Jongin. You’ve been popular with the ladies since high school, am I right? All these years and not a single girl has been able to hold you for more than, what? Two months?”

Then that little piece of shit dared to glance over at Sunhee.

“Six months is pretty incredible and, if I do say so myself, slightly unbelievable for a man formidable as yourself.”

Jongin remembered growling something along the lines of “seven months, fuckface” but he was saved by Sunhee’s laugh and witty joke. When he had looked over, she looked as welcoming as ever but she refused to make eye contact with him for the rest of the night.

Since then, Jongin had the sick feeling that she was doing her best to avoid him.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Sakamaki/mukami boys watching g there s/o in class and then start sexually fantasing. Like she becomes another person. Like a kinky teacher or what ever else idk. The though makes me laugh. You're great btw. I love you so much and your blog 💙💙

((I am not entirely sure what you are asking for, but I guess what sexual fantasy they would have of their lover in class when they are bored? XD And thank you, love you too dear anon-chan~))

Shu - A mature teacher giving him a lesson on a subject he is failing, giving him a foot job as well and seeing how long he can keep his composure.

Reiji - Him being a teacher who has to discipline his student, perhaps spanking her with the ruler.

Ayato - A young, hot as fuck teacher wearing a tight skirt and revealing shirt who basically makes him stay after class to give him… lessons on the human body.

Laito - A cute school girl who has been a little too naughty and needs her senpai to punish her… in class… where everyone can see…

Kanato - A girl in a cute frilly apron; just bring out that bun in the oven.

Subaru - An empty classroom and she has been teasing him a bit too much earlier with those faint caress and dirty murmurs in his ear, making him break his pencil. He takes her against the desk roughly, taking his sexual frustration on her as she claws his back and screams out his name.

Kino - She shoves him into a bathroom stall after he couldn’t resist a sip of her blood, murmuring out how she wants to taste him too, tugging down his pants.

Ruki - Him being a teacher who has to discipline his student harshly, binding her up with the class tape, gaging her with her panties, and spanking her with his ruler.

Yuma - She is dirty from playing soccer in the mud outside and she needs her big bear to clean her in the shower. Too bad she is going to get dirty again.

Kou - She wears a sexy cat costume for halloween, purrs in his ear that she would like a private shoot with him, and mewls in pleasure as he takes her in a closest where anyone can hear outside.

Azusa - She murmurs some sweet words and promises of pleasurable pain in his ear, undressing him slowly in an empty classroom and pressing the blade to his skin as he lies on the cold tiles on the classroom floor.

[20140925 Weibo Trans] The Story of Time: 2012 - 2014 where Luhan takes his his hardship lightly (PART 2)

trans: epikey@tumblr | source : Luhan Baidu Bar Weibo

(t/n - I screenshot the photos to make the post as cohesive as possible. If you want to see the original post, please click on the source. Words in italics are from the photos. Words not in italics are the words from Luhan Baidu Bar.)



20130101 - Nanjing, obvious IV drip spots on the back of his hand when performing

His weakness was always akin to an unsolved mystery. When we finally find a loose thread, the wrinkles in our lives seem to have been smoothed out by him long ago.
It’s been a long time, therefore we will never know about what went on in those days, those injuries that seem to have been intentionally forgotten by the keeper of these secrets, how they have healed silently.

20130614 to 20140623 - Hand and leg injuries that couldn’t heal within a week

The wound at his wrist

20130614 - Gimpo airport fansigning + Music Bank hand injury

His swollen right hand | 20130615 could clearly see the wound on his hand, was covered up by a square handkerchief

This isn’t a stand alone chapter, instead it is a full story.
In the story he could have practiced his moves over and over again hundreds to thousands of times and then injured his hand.
In public events after this, he acted as if he was never injured, or he didn’t even see that as an injury. But the people who cared couldn’t resist the heart that had kept everything down and was seeking all over weibo for the cause of his injury.
All he could do was using a handkerchief, he continued to hide the injured Luhan in a corner and only pushed forward the indestructible Luhan to everyone.
That day, there were hurt and complaints in our hearts, but we couldn’t say a single thing. Only because the main character in this story is so dumb it’s adorable, so dumb that all you could do was play along, pretending that he’s Iron Man, can’t be corroded by all poisons, pretend that he’s Superman and can fly to the skies and enter the grounds (t/n - invincible).

20130623 Shanghai Asia Dream Cup
When you see that speck of moving red on the field, you’d be guessing his appearance ten years ago. More than a decade ago, was he like this too?
A buzz cut that pricks at the palms of the skin, a pair of random soccer boots were what he had when he rolled around in the mud of the field. He mother calling him home to eat in the evening, looking at him coming home with multiple wounds, didn’t know if she should laugh or cry as she asked him if it hurt. Maybe he’d cleverly tell her “it doesn’t hurt, doesn’t hurt, mom I’m so hungry I’m gonna die” to direct her attention somewhere else, pretending that the little mud monkey who fell on the field wasn’t him.
A decade and then some later, if I go up to ask him if he’s hurt - maybe his answer is still the same.

20130823 - On the way to KBS Music Bank, skeletal appearance

After seeing the healthy-looking him in 2012, it’s hard to describe how painful it was to see these photos.
Dreams and health, success and youth, in reality they cannot be equally exchanged. But what is lost is lost, time cannot be turned back.
But what sends more chills to me heart than time lost is, cold words and the never-ending laughing and cursing. These people have no connection to him other than seeing him on the internet, but they spread their venom as if he was their worst enemy.
I believe that there’s a cycle in this world, the higher the decibel of sarcastic comments, the louder the voices that tell him they love him. Many thanks to those who hated on him - it only served to show that soft gentle sincerity could be treasured even more.

20131212 - 20131231 - Miracles In December promotions until new years countdown

Sick continuously

131212 MCD
131213 Music Bank
131213 Music Core & Onemount Snowpark public performance
131215 Inkigayo
131216 SBS-R Power FM & Mnet Super Hit
131217 Radio/variety appearance
131218 Show Champion
131219 Ender’s Game VIP Premier  & MCD & Mnet Open Studio
131220 Music Bank
131221 Music Core
131222 Baidu Hot Moment(?)
131224 SMTown Week
131225 SMTown Week
131226 KBS Gayo Daejun rehearsal
131227 KBS Gayo Daejun
131229 SBS Gayo Daejun
131231 Shanghai Dongfang Satellite TV Countdown

Going to work sick

Pushing on to perform during countdown despite being sick

Text messages (t/n - one at the location and one at home) - Jan 1st 2014 00:16
“Can you be more specific about him squatting at the side? Is it during the countdown?”
A very long time
He squatted for about 5 minutes
“:(:(:( Did his body not recover yet”
“Say that he looked quite happy at the airport today even though he didn’t look well, but he’s supposed to be almost fully healed, but look at at it now, he hasn’t healed at all :(:(:(“
“Sleep early, you must be tired today"

Weibo 20130104 12:01
Why does it look like a puppy bit him, saw eco being happy during countdown it should mean that they’re not sick anymore, if he’s so happy even when he’s sick then good job Luhan // Is it swollen, Is Xiao Lu sick? // What’s with Xiao Lu’s hand? T.T // I don’t think those are IV drip marks because it all avoided the blood vessels, no matter what Lulu must take care of himself // (Original post deleted)

At the tail of 2013, he stood at a higher position, he brought home more awards, but his reward was even more schedules. Because of this we can see him being at many places in one day, always on the move because of his schedule. With rumours on his shoulders he started the promotions for the Christmas songs, comparing day to day, his improvement was tremendous. What’s more surprising is, behind each and every spectacular stage, was sickness that can’t be treated.
On a certain talk show on that day, he wore a deep colored button down and tiredness on his face, but through the whole show he was spontaneous and wasn’t careless or perfunctory.
But this perseverance was always ironic when compared to the truth.
For example, those stages that showed how worthy he was, if it wasn’t for the fans trying their hardest to voice out, it wouldn’t have happened because the company did not write him into the plans at all.
For example, the show that he persevered through the whole filming despite being extremely sick, the opportunities for him to speak could have been counted with one hand.
If we were to nitpick a flaw of his, it’s this.
Even if the world laughs at him, he always serves is determined and earnest heart on a dish.


@ evil soccer moms

remember when stephen said he would literally rather take a picture of his dick and balls and have it roll around on the internet instead of pictures of his daughter and family.