The president, gently ribbing team members for their Wiki pages and Instagram accounts, made sure to highlight how much attention the athletes received this year. The final match was, after all, the most viewed soccer contest in American history (more so than any men’s game). But he turned somber when discussing forward Abby Wambach.
What would happen if mothers Hakyeon, Jin and Joonmyun had teatime together while their children had a playdate?
First of all, Hakyeon would be the super soccer mom, the advanced super soccer mom. The PTA meeting leader, bake sale baker, volunteer firefighter, working mom. He’d be like, “Oh yes my son Leo’s soccer team is going to (insert big cool soccer contest thing here because I don’t sport) and Ken just nailed his musical audition and got the role as ‘man with dog #3’ and my Ravi is entering some competition with the rap music and I am so proud of all of them.” Meanwhile he’d have a hole cut in the back of his shirt without noticing because his kids are resentful of their overbearing, helicopter mom.
Also at tea, Suho is the divorcee mom that is trying to start fresh on the “new year, new me” path but brings up his ex-husband at every possible opportunity. Something like “Yeah I’ve been eating greek yogurt and kale and I joined this soul cycling class and you should see my ex-husband he has long purple hair.” And he laughs bitterly, “But anyway my son Kyungsoo is really thriving as an actor and the rest of the gang are doing just fine. Everyone is happy. I bought Yixing three rabbits and an Audi so he won’t leave me to be with he-who-shall-not-be-named but haha as long as everyone is happy. I’m happy. I’m so happy. Why did Kris take my sons from me?!” And then Hakyeon says “there, there you’re too good for him” and Suho cries for three hours as they binge watch Lifetime movies.
Mother Jin is hosting the get together and being a literal cooking mama. He makes recipes that he’s been reading up from in Home and Garden monthly. And he’s being an absolute angel to Hakyeon and Suho, “Oh I’m just so glad you guys could stop by! Do you want anything else? Let me get you guys some umbrellas for your iced tea, haha we’re just a couple of moms having fun.” Then he sneaks off to the kitchen and calls Jin “Kidoh” Hyosang the weird, unmarried aunt and starts talking about them behind their backs, “Yeah no, they don’t even use coasters these two. Can Hakyeon like just take it easy, showing up here in this season’s Michael Kors line, like what is he trying to prove? I said the theme of our party was ‘Beach meets Barnes & Noble’ you know so we could have a homey look but still summery and fun. And he just looks like night out at Atlantic City, honestly so rude. Oh don’t get me started on Suho. He just keeps crying all over my tablecloths and ruining my candid picture moments that I was going to post online so Zico could see he wasn’t invited to my party just like he didn’t invite me to book club this month because he’s jealous of my kitchen remodel.” Meanwhile Hyosang has been screaming at max volume into the phone for five minutes straight and not listening to anything.