soccer babys

Notable Guests and Incidents From my Career at Chick-Fil-A
  • Elderly woman in the drive thru that insisted her meal should be free because the total cost was the same as her birth year. 
  • Obligatory group of shirtless frat boys. 
  • Guy who pulled me aside and demanded to know if we wash our floors with grease because the (freshly mopped) bathroom floor was slippery. 
  • Soccer mom that intentionally poured a large strawberry milkshake onto her son’s head as punishment. She asked for a new one.
  • Kid that stood on a table and sung Let It Go uninterrupted from start to finish. She received a standing ovation from everyone in the restaurant.
  • Teenage girl that paid for a to-go order, about $45 total, entirely in singles. 
  • College-age girl that asked if it was true that we were handing out free sandwiches to gays and, if so, if she could have one. I told her we weren’t doing that promotion at our location, but I’d buy her a sandwich if she gave me her number. She politely declined. 
  • Prank caller asking if we wanted to buy weed. The manager replied by saying we had a guy that sold to us for 10$/quarter and to call back when he could match that
  • Multiple instances of kids pooping in the playplace.
  • Another prank caller asking if we sold burgers. The manager (a different one) told them there was a Five Guys across the street, so why on earth bother looking for a burger here anyway?
  • That time Arthur Darville came in.
  • Drive thru guest who regularly asks, very specifically, for “coke zero, NOT diet coke with extra ice’
  • A basketball team from a local high school got banned for using their trays to slide down the slide.
  • This happened to be the same night that the staff all stayed an extra 20 minutes after the doors were locked and took turns using a tray to slide down the slide. 
  • Guy with a southern accent that addressed me as “you with the tits,” shoved his sweet tea under my nose for a refill and then, upon noticing my murderous expression, said, “Service with a smile, darlin’,” winked, and walked out.
  • Woman who told me in a watery voice, upon observing my name tag, that her recently deceased daughter’s name was Emily too. She comes back and chats with me occasionally. 
  • My coworker, Tyquan once finished his conversation with the guests by saying “Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!” It is now a meme and basically all of our customers know him. 
  • That time I was explaining to one of the girls what Rocky Horror Picture Show was and this elderly couple leaned across the counter with wide eyes and exclaimed “You’ve never heard of Rocky Horror!?” And proceeded to yell their favorite audience participation lines. 
  • Guy who’s on the security staff of a local college frequently comes through the drive thru on his segway. We are all on a first name basis with him.
  • A skinny fuckboy who consistently, for over two years, has always come in wearing a trilby, carrying a copy of hamlet, and ordering “Coca-Cola” instead of coke. 
  • Some redneck-type guy with no front teeth that asked me if almost everybody on the staff is “saved” (they are.) He then asked me how old I was and if I was a nice Christian gal (I’m not).
  • Guy who geek-checked me for my Keyblade necklace. He didn’t play the spinoffs.
  • I went into the low fridge one day and the stack of juice boxes had toppled over, basically burying everything else. I asked the manager what happened, and he looked at me dead in the face and said “it was an appleanche.” 
  • Stoners calling to ask if we delivered.
  • Guy who said, in a deadass tone: “If you guys call it Chick-Fil-A because the staff is all chicks why don’t y’all wear more revealing shirts?” And I honestly didn’t even know what to do because a) our staff is not all women and b) Sir do you realize that this is a heavily Christian establishment I mean christ.
  • Unknown guest who left me several napkins with pictures drawn on them, labelled “tip.” To date it is the third tip I’ve ever gotten and by far the best.
  • That time we traded four large strip trays for eight cases of White Castle.
  • Woman in the drive thru that demanded to speak with the owner because we told her that she could not get six large cups of ice for free and would have to pay for a bag of ice instead.
  • Guy in a full replica batman cosplay. He came in, walked around, took some pictures with people, and left.
  • There was a baby boomer that screamed literally right in my face because his nuggets were cold. I had shit to do though and his breath with nasty so after six whole minutes of this (I timed it) I burst into tears and told him it was just my first day. Later the manager told me that she saw the whole thing and that she almost peed herself from laughing so hard and that I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. 

And finally…

  • Prank caller asking if we could do a birthday party for 52 lesbians.

I’m so ridiculously proud of this woman. People say she doesn’t deserve what she gets and she isn’t worth it. People say she’s only a pretty face and a good body. But let’s get real, she works hard and it shows on the field. She absolutely slayed 2016. 17 goals in 21 games for the 2016, a rivalry towards Carli. She had 2016’s best goal. She was voted best player by 3200 fellow players in 47 or so different countries. She is slaying 2017 and it’s only April. She is forcing her critics to go back and change their bad opinions of her. She is forcing haters to fall to their knees. She is forcing the world to acknowledge how amazing she is. And she spends every day making all her dedicated fans incredibly proud of her. Moving to France was an amazing decision for her, and it has done wonders for her game. Off to the finals to blow more people out of the water.

It’s been 6 years and I’m still stuck on her.

4 goals. 1 game. Alexandra Patricia Morgan. AM13. Baby Horse.

****WARNING this is super long because I need to address a lot**************
Okay. I’m going to address about 100 anonymous asks I’ve received all at once here. I’m having a difficult time trying to go through all the asks to find ones that aren’t about the same thing.
I posted about how proud I am with Alex and how she’s been playing recently. I’m not taking this back, but I am going to explain it some more for those who seem to not understand it.
Okay.
Alex Morgan is an amazing player. She has an extremely unique way of playing, and she’s become a player that so many defenses want to take down. And I’m about to really break down the importance of why these goals, even against teams that aren’t necessarily the best, are extremely important and worthy of praise. *also sorry that I focused on NT play more, I felt like most people would be able to relate to that more*
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In 2011 Alex was number one overall draft pick in the WPS draft. She went on to win the championship with WNY. This was also the year that she joined the Senior NT. This was a WC year, and she scored two goals. She was also the first player to have a goal and assist in a WC final.
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In 2012, an Olympic year, Alex became a starter for the NT. Alex scored the equalizer and game winning goal during the opening game of the Olympics. This was the year Alex made history. (If you don’t know what I’m about to say then go watch USAvCAN 2012 Olympic semi finale) Alex scored the game winning goal in the 123rd minute; breaking the tie, sending the US to the gold medal match, and setting a US/FIFA record for latest goal. She went on to lead the US in goals, multi-goal games, assists, points, and became one of the only WNT players to have over 20 goals/20 assists in the same calendar year. She also was US soccer’s 2012 Female Athlete of the Year. Seriously just go look up this year for Alex because I compacted it into strictly the most important stuff because I could spend days talking about 2012 and what an amazing year it was for her.
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2013-2015
These years were a dark period in Alex’s life. She was injured three different times. Ankle, ankle again, and knee. She was able to do some amazing things in between her injury times though. With her new club Portland Thorns, in 2013 she was the team’s point leader and scoring leader of the year. She also played a part in getting the championship and resulted her being named to the NWSL second XI. Youngest player in 2013 to ever be named to the All-Time Women’s NT Best XI at 24. She was rewarded top scoring honors for the 2013 Algarve Cup. During the 2015 she scored the only goal against England, which was her returning game to the NT. She scored a goal against Columbia during the WC, after coming back from her knee injury. Though she didn’t score again during the WC anymore she played a vital part in winning PKs and pulling the defense apart.
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2016
This is the year she got her 100th cap and got a goal and assist. During CONCACAF she made another record (tournament and USWNT) with fastest goal at 12 seconds. She later went on to win the golden boot and MVP awards for her performance at the SBC. She had 17 goals in 21 games. She scored 2016’s best goal of the year. She was voted best player during CONCACAF. She was playing like a beast this entire year and if you go back through articles upon articles and different highlights, you’ll be able to see that.
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2017
Even though the year just started she’s done so much with her loan team the Olympique Lyonnais. She has scored a brace, hat trick, and 4 goals in the past 5 games I believe. She’s playing at a higher level then I’ve honestly seen her play in a long time. She’s back in her prime. She’s finally healthy. (Knock on wood *knock knock*) She’s confident again. That’s what matters most.
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As a forward, especially, their mindset and confidence is a huge part of the game. She spent 3 years of her career injured. She played some, but those are prime years for most players and she had to miss out on them because of those injuries. This game isn’t just being physically fit and ready to go, so much of it is a mental game. (Honestly if you don’t play, and if you have never played in a high stress situation, I’m not sure you would ever fully understand) Her “baby horse” mentality is back. And it’s stronger than ever. If you look at everything she did before her injuries it’s monumental. And obviously there was an extreme amount of pressure on her to get back to where she was in 2012 and every time she couldn’t because of injuries it slowly wore down her confidence in her game and her strong mindset.
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The reason I’m so proud of her is because she fought that. She pushed past three long years of injuries, lack of confidence/results, and honestly most players would have extreme doubt at that point. She had to push past critics that said she would never play the same way again. That she lost her spark. Well guess what, she didn’t. Baby horse is back and better than ever. Baby Horse is all grown up and ready to destroy all her haters and critics. . Sorry for how long it is. Needed to rant to hateful and bitter anons.

I am such a nerd for Lucy’s keys, and now I have some but 3 more to have all 12 keys….

( Õ uÕ )